期待爱


my life 一直在等待
空荡的口袋
想在里面放一份爱
why 总是被打败
真的好无奈
其实我实实在在
不管帅不帅

想要找回来
自己的节拍
所以这一次
我要勇敢大声说出来

期待期待你发现我的爱
无所不在我自然而然的关怀
你的存在心灵感应的方向
我一眼就看出来
是因为爱

我猜你早已发现我的爱
绕几个弯越靠近越明白
不要走开
幸福的开始就是放手去爱

*This following section is very mushy, do not read if u cannot stand mushy stuffs. hahass*

We tend to miss out on the best things though they are beside us all the while, we just didnt notice. And with each and everytime i see you, i ask myself why have i missed u all this time. Hahass, mushy rite? i tink so too, so mushy. hurhurs. Anyways, yeah, i know life is never a bed of roses, people gave me a percentage of less then 1% , but i hecked it all, because i rather go with my feelings and get pawned, then listen to people and miss out on the best thing in my life. *Gosh, damn mushy.*

Alritey, if tomolo can wrap up the fucking investment project, then finally can start studying for exams alreadi. Im trying to look for a job now, so after exams can str8 away work, i wanna earn money and buy abercrombie clothes! hahasss!

Another side of me wanna just swim and run and gym for the 2 months holiday. I wana pass my ippt leh, been saying i wanna train for it, but everyday do project until 11pm reach home, kaoz. But on and off, i've been swimming abit whenever i have a day off from the project, so im kinda maintaining the health abit.

My blog abit boring i know, no pictures. lolx. But i rarely take pictures, so i dun realli have much pictures to post here. hurhurs. I tink its time i went off le, next entry, i might be discussing about humans from different backgrounds living alternate lifestyles. Contrasting the lives of the rich and the spoiled VS the lives of the poor and the denied. hahaass :P

Jason's : I am rarely so mushy, so forgive me for this entry. :)

W.H.Y

Not being emo, but well, kinda sian. I was wondering what was realli expected in a man. Hmms. I tink diff women have diff expectations, but the hard part is trying to know what they want.

How true is true? What can i do?

Im veri disappointed in people sometimes, the details i dun realli wanna jot down here for the record. Its about trust by the way, just so u know.

How do u tell somebody that treats u like a role model about something? I realli dun kw how to tell that person, so i dun wanna get too close to that person. Im trying to be not so frendly. Interest. haiz.

These days i've been watching youtube and youku alot, watching funny stuffs and most importantly, watching the Chao Ji Xing Guang Da Dao competition from taiwan. The singers in there are good, especially Jam Xiao Jing Teng. He's vocals is excellent and his singing technique is wow. I am rarely impressed by people, and he managed to make me do just that.

Yang Zhong Wei is good also, but i feel he's too feminine sometimes, he cries too much in the show, though sometimes its quite touching, but for a guy, he cries too much. He's actions are also abit girlish, gives me the notion that he's gay. lol.

Tml is PM test, and i kinda touched it abit onli, i didnt realli studied much for it. Im just lazy, so lazy sometimes. Haiz. Even my room is still in a mess man, fuck, i need to pick up the pieces. duh.

Okays, after investment project then im free for like 2 weeks, before the exams come, and i foresee myself mugging for the 2 weeks, and then after that during holidays will most probably be training and working. Alot to swallow for 2 mths, but wat the heck man, juz do it, dun need to think so much.

Jason's : A song for a lady, a poem for a beauty, a heart for the worthy. (Jason, 2008)

Sibei Long Entry!

I have alot to tok about in this post, so bear with me, its gonna be a long ride people. :)

Firstly, i liked to touch on fitness. Im trying to eek out more time to go running and swimming and gyming, just ytd, i FORCED myself to go swimming, and im glad i did. hurhurs. The tummy feels flatter alreadi. But on another note, i've been eating veri sinful stuffs these days man, i had waffle with ice-cream, cheesy curry chicken cubes, burger king etc over this 2 days. Fuck.

I shall need to control my diet if i wanna have any hopes of passing my ippt man, i needa lose around 10 kg to make the 70kg grade. 70 kg, V-shaped body, nicely fitting into my shorties with no overflow at the top. Wootz. And i have a new conclusion about god's gifts recently.

I used to think that the man up there isnt veri fair to me, giving me good skin, yet making me fat, giving me good language skills, yet lacking in charisma... and the list goes on. So i asked myself this question, what is the solution to all these problems? Its not like the old man is gonna give me a miracle out of no where, the answer lies in myself.

He gave me a good foundation, the rest is up to me, good skin yet flabby body? Train. Because if he gave me bad skin and a good body, bad skin is impossible to remedy totally, so he gave me the lesser of both evils. In one sentence: I am fat because i chose it, not because god willed it. :)

Whether i look yandao anot when im slimmer i dun realli care anymore, because it will definitely be better then the pile of lard i see in the mirror daily. Period. I must eat more sensibly, i have alreadi binged, so no point whining about what went in, might as well plan what is going to go in.

After fitness, now comes financial status. I am officially dry after todae, because i went to singing with my poly guitar club frens. Wow, spent around $30 bucks on singing and dinner alone todae. Side-tracking abit, i realised the lighting in kbox is abit deceiving, people look realli good under the dim dim light. Kinda reflect real life as well. hurhur

Money money money, i simply cant do without it, and i sincerely hope that i will have tons of it in future ( who doesnt?). And when i came home, i was immediately told to do a marital survey by bel. The survey toks about how people value marriage in our current society, and after filling up the LONG LONG online form, i concluded that i am super ultra wudi traditional.

Corinne texted me todae asking whether she's fat anot. Wah lan eh, 1 week nvr text me le, suddenly text me this kinda question, how to answer sia. -.-" In fact she lost weight as compared to last time in poly, but simply because her poly fren met her the other day and commented she put on lots of weight, she cant sleep and eat properly because of a simple comment. Gals. hahas.

Toking about gals, i received news that my first love is single after 9 yrs together with my frend. I feel sad for her man, after being together for so long, everyone was tinking they were cfmed to get married, and then things just ended so abruptly. I dun kw the full story, so i shall not comment on who is rite and who is wrong, but from my perspective, i see another social problem.

When a couple goes into their late 20s, after being together for so long, people will tink they will be getting married soon. But when things took a sudden turn, and the guy ditched the gal, unfairness happens. As i said earlier, guys have a golden period which stretches from 30 to 40, yet for the general female population, the golden period is 18 to 25, after which their value goes downhill ( i said generally, im not a MCP hor. ). Therefore its hard for the gal to find someone to settle down with, as compared to the guy.

Ah well, the wheels of life keeps turning, and we will never know what it has in store for us. And for your info, i have no notion of "eating backwards grass" at all, she shall stay as a memory. Besides, there's only one person im interested to be with now, noone else comes close at all.

Investment lecturer once said its better to "live an exciting 5 mins life, then a dull 5 yr life", and i tink it conforms with my hiongster mentality. I will gladly take risks if i deem the rewards are worth the risk, and when it comes to this, i am totally certain that im willing to take all kinds of shit just to enjoy the rewards. No matter the subject matter. According to Miles and Snow, i am a prospector. hurhurs

There is a reason for everything, and everything we do. I truly believe in that, and rather then going against reason and fate, why not let things flow naturally? Lie low and watch how to wind blows before determining the next course of action.

I have loads of crap to crap, but i tink this entry is looking more like a thesis then a blog entry man. Having said that, i tink i should stop here. Im getting tired from typing anyways. hohoho.

Jason's : Of dreams and hopes.

Sweet Dreams

The only difference is the looks.

With a smile and a chuckle, i leave it behind. I cant deny the traces of it, its all part and parcel of growing up. Sometimes forgoing is good, because somethings are simply not good for you. Fats.

Im a late bloomer, because im always late in whatever i do. Im late for meetings, late for class, late in my interests etc. Everything i do, im late. hahahass. Anyways like the prophecy from the japanese temple says, the first 25 yrs of my life will be a little hard to get thru, but after the initial 25 yrs, my life will be BIG RED BIG PURPLE, and after 30 yrs old i will lead an 'emperor's' life. hurhur.

Well, believing the prophecy anot, is not the main point. The main point is i will work towards my business empire dream no matter there's the prophecy anot. Being superstitious is fine, but being superstitious and not doing anything about your future is a big no no.

Most of the time, like the song 'Eye Of A Tiger', we change our passion for glory. Things started coming too fast too furious, and u start to lose sight of why u started on this path in the first place. That is the effect the society and environment have on people. Stalwartness is required to stand firm in this kinda turbulent times. Can i be stalwart? Rock steady?

Options are open now, and there's alot. Bit by bit, inch by inch, the market opens up, and new ventures are discovered, but which one is the one to buy in? Which one to invest in? Currently, we have to wait for the technical correction to subside, before going into the market again, everything is plunging like mad, and the only thing on the rise is gold and oil. Double meaning.

Do not be too self-centred. A good advice for alot of people, even my best frend. Had a conflict with him awhile back, and its about his self-centredness and assumptions. But as usual, we fucked it out, then afterwards things were back to normal. Like i said, i learned the best way to sort things out, is to get together and fuck things out, after which, walk out of the room and things are back to normal. My warrant officer in army taught me this method to settle disputes, and i agree this is how true man settles stuffs. :)

Business wise, i just got a proposed long term deal with my fren's fren, a insurance agent that buys PSPs for her clients. Ah wei side the website is stuck once again, due to very grim and unforeseen reasons. Time is not on our side, and i deeply suspect there will be future complications. Ah well, i just hope my instincts were wrong, im wrong most of the time rite? :)

All the above, and yet when a frend asked me a question, i gave a illogical and naive reply. He asked : " Will you give up your career and status for someone?"

"yes."

Jason's : I want a trucker cap.

Step Up

The sun rose up and i woke up. Life wasnt so bad lah, not as i perceived. Was damn tired todae, when an sms i receive during my mrt trip woke me up totally. And i tot my life took a dive hell.

The sms was sent by corinne. Her dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and there's no cure for it. She's so stunned that she dun kw how to react. I can feel her sadness in the sms, and i can only console her. So u see, what's my situation compared to her? Mine is small case nia.

Seeing corinne's case, im starting to worry about my parents. Im so stuck within my beautiful little world that i totally overlooked the fact that there is more to the world then gals. Though i hate to admit it, people around me are right, i have a over-emphasis on romance. Gals come and go, other stuffs in ur life are what that realli matters.

Studies, career,money, parents, frends, those are the things that should take precedence. Im chatting with xh nw, and the clouds are beginning to disperse from my sky. Time and again, the cycle repeats itself, and each time, a new ridiculous reason surfaces. sigh.

Projects are ending, and OT is killing me. The requirements are piling up as the lecturer keeps adding more and more stuffs to the project. 2500 words and we're supposed to squeeze everything into it, how sia?

After corinne's sms, i woke up. So let everything be back to normal ba, aint too late to realign myself. :)

Jason's : Learn from other people's experiences.

Ironic Karma

Like i've said before, its always good to stay ignorant. Oh well, its not like its never happened to me before, and yes, she still dun kw. Shall not blog bout her todae. Wasnt a good day realli.

Long day todae, just finished compiling OT 10 mins ago and im dying here. Dun understand how come i got to my blog, but its a dumb question to ask myself in the middle of the nite, since im here, might as well blog.

Im not going to diss anybody, but im just disappointed with the performance level. Totally disappointed, im was going crazy about 2 hrs ago, and i deeply suspect i will be all the way tomorrow. I ate a half chicken rice just nw as i was chatting with my frens at the kopitiam as usual.

The chicken i ate fried me, and im feeling sick now, most prob will be sick tomolo. Tomorrow is day 1, of wat, im not going to explain, those with a good heart, wish me luck. I do hope tomolo im fine, if not i will PMS, and when i PMS, its not funny.

I've been getting mysterious bruises and insect bites these days, and just todae, my hand was bleeding and i didnt notice at all. What is happening? Is it just pure coincidence? Ah well fuck it, its not like im going to lose my hands and legs or whatever.

After this thursday, i will feel abit free-er than now, because WIL's deadline is thursday. Like i said before this post, i know im repeating, but i have to emphasize, i am damn fucking busy this 2 weeks. Fuck the projects man, i feel like im doing projects more then going for lectures. ccb.

Watched Get karl! Soo jong! yesterday nite, its about this fat guy that was ditched by a beauty queen simply because he failed his law exams. Its damn funny, and that fat guy actually went to america and became a world class golfer. 8 years down the road, tat fat guy came back as a hunk that every woman will die for, whereas the beauty queen became a old maid that is still single and cant get married. Karma or celestial justice? u decide.

Rather then me trying to hard to know a person and tat person's interests, why cant that person at least try to know who i realli am and what are my interests? Reality tells me a resounding "dream on dude, dream on.".

Last bit of randomness amidst all my random jabberings in this entry. Was on the mrt todae, and saw a guy in a wheelchair, guess what's the wheelchair brandname? Karma. Yes, its spelled correctly, KARMA. Deep within me, the irony of the name and the purpose strucked me. Is the company trying to mock the user? That that person's end justifies the brandname? That its karma that they are using the product? Funny name for a wheelchair company, that's for certain. Mind you, im not laughing at the disabled, im just appalled by the irony of the brand name.

Oh yeah, i forgot to inform u peeps, i've uploaded my own version of cai hong onto my blog. So feel free to listen to it and criticize me, i know its not a veri good rendition. Im still abit shaky and not accustomed to listening to my own voice. And if u listen carefully, u can hear some traffic noises behind. hurhur, told ya its my first try. :)

Jason's : You kw u're realli fucked up when people stop telling you that you're fucked up.

Humji Me*

Im worried. Worried of status change, not of mine obviously. I know i should stay confident and optimistic, but its hard not to be worried. Hmms, we came a long way, a long long way infact. Was a crush, then became an obsession, and now its matured into sincere feelings. Ah well, i didnt tell the guys about this, so nobody actually knows the process.

There's alot that i know, which i cannot blog down here. But lets just say im not a perfect person as well, i have always said, when u feel for somebody, u accept all aspects of her. Im not being noble here, just stating the facts. And i find her cute in alot of ways that others deem to be negative, come on, she's unique. :)

Okies, those goosebumps are rising up alreadi, i keep toking bout her in my blog, its abit sickening to the readers. hahaahss.

And so todae i went to the cleo top 50 bachelor party with nich and 6 other gals. Due to a strange twist of circumstances, i went there to accompany nich after finishing project in skool, infact i rushed home to change into my shoes before running downstairs to take a cab just to honour my promise to accompany nich. Cab fare was $16 bucks, and the party wasnt that fun realli. We were just standing around behind the crowd and we couldnt even see a thing.

My main purpose there was to fulfill my promise to nich and to be there so that he wont be the only guy. Im not gay, so im definitely not interested in the gay fest. I do admit there's alot of hot babes there, but seriously, they're totally not my type. I want a simple homey girl-next-door. No matter how hot the gals there, im totally bored there.

My only happiness came from a beef bun which i got at zouk as a refreshment. After the event, went to esplanade to eat a $6 hokkien mee and within 10 mins after finishing my meal, i bid nich and the gals farewell then rush for the last train. Wasnt my typical fun day, but im glad i at least helped nich abit lah, if u get wat i mean. :)

Todae spent $16 + $6 = $22 for nothing and my wallet is still bleeding from it man, hahahass. But nvm lah, u aint born with money and u cant bring money with u when u die. See open abit ba. hahahasss

Recorded 2 sample songs, Shi jie mo ri and Forever love. Turns out to be not too bad, but i need to adjust the mic and music volume abit, music too soft, mic too loud. Its quite hard to record a perfect song, because sometimes the wind blows or some fuck thing drop then spoil the whole recording. But slowly ba, the nxt song i will record is Cai Hong, and after successfully recording it, i will put it in my blog~ :) (Will take some time, projects first, then recordings.)

Jason's : I think she still dun kw, because i dun do things that normal guys do during courtship.

Adhesives

Rainy night, wow. Cooling nite, clear mind. Suddenly felt like blogging, so here i am.

PM test todae was a breeze, and true enough our lecturer was true to his word, everything came out as expected. Was on the bus, and realized in 1 years time, i will graduate and should be looking for a job. Age is catching up with me, and my school days are numbered.

Something in my current life are coming to an end, projects are ending in 2 weeks time and RT is ending next week. Toking about RT, i kinda miss it, the feeling where u train with lots of people brings back memories of army days, when u suffer and enjoy with ur army mates, although now its more relax.

Okays, this came randomly, i was chatting about maturity and violence with mee kia they all during our usual la kopi session just now. Fighting and violence were a thing of the past for all of us, we never thought that we will get in a fight anytime soon, as compared to when we were young.

Thomas quoted his teacher once telling him one veri meaningful sentence : "When a person is 15 yrs old, he will determine which path he will be taking." Wow, how true. At least it applies to all my old time frends. There's this example of a notorious pai kia, where during sec 3, he changed totally and after a few years, he became JJC's top student. Like what they say, Lang Zi Hui Tou Jin Bu Huai.

That's the good example, the bad example is those people that will never grow up of that phrase. A sad minority still cling on to the notion that violence solves problems, which is never, and will never be the case in the singaporean context. Smart people will know, the pen is more powerful then the fist. U wanna play somebody, use brains and outwit them, not use fist and pound the fish out of them. We aint kids anymore, so unless its to protect your loved ones, never solve a problem with the fist.

Ah well, we discuss everything and anything under the sun it seems, and our next topic shifted to dick length, yes, u heard rite, dick length. Im not gonna say the details, because its not appropriate. hurhur.

Was shocked the hell out of my wits todae. Unexplainable.

Before i go sleep, i shall paste the lyrics of a very melodious song here for u peeps to appreciate. And dun be mistaken, it does not reflect anything or refer to anybody. hahahas! Ciaoz!

擦肩而过

歌手：李圣杰

我爱着谁
爱到我有点醉
告诉我你是谁
能够把我让我变不对
你不会累
但我却爱你爱得好累
从没有为了谁
不顾安危付出一切
站在这平衡点
我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见
只能够靠感觉

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

你听我说
你不要这么做
你不要看着我
说你已经知道怎么做
你很难受
我愿意陪你一起承受
只要你不怕痛
再多坎坷我都陪你走
站在这平衡点
我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见
只能够靠感觉

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

Jason's : Do miracles exist? Because i kinda need one now.

Nirvana-tivity

Long day todae, wasnt the best day in my life. I was on a momentary high just now, and im suddenly kinda moody because of something i heard just now. Why am i moody? I know deep inside, yet i dun wanna admit it and i cant say it out. I know im contradictory, but isnt life contradictory from the start?

Alrite, shall not dwell too much on it.

Projects are slowly draining the life force out of me, and im beginning to ask myself the epic question again, how to hell did i get here? Ah watever man. Im alive and kicking and glad to be that way. heh.

Dreams and hopes are what makes people great, or so i was told, but im not great leh. Maybe not yet lah, but the kinda person i wan to be in future is veri simple. A successful businessman who is refined and eludes charisma, yet at the same time a musician who is creative and writes songs based on people that i know. I will also take up photography, then travel around the world to take pictures of different places to form a huge collage. And not forgetting a good woman who will accompany through thick and thin. :)

Ah well, sounds kiddish and unreal i know, told u i was dreaming. But im working towards my goal, there's a diff between dreaming and working towards your dream. I chose to believe im the latter. :)

Recently some events shook the foundations of my newfound peace. And currently im trying to rebalance out things to achieve emotional equilibrium again. Ya, im trying to calm myself down and proceed with things a little slower, its going too fast too furious. Chill man, if its yours its yours, if its not meant to be, hao fast also will never be.

Jason's : Who is the one i see in the mirror? A reflection of myself, or am i the reflection?

Suicidal Choices

Todae i went honest, and finally broke the mystery and the news. Its been brewing for 1 yr plus, and when finally i told everybody, its so swuang. hahahass. And the feedback i got was my choice was suicidal. lolx.

Suicidal, i might be, but i just dun care man, i follow what my heart and instinct tells me. As usual, i expected lots of negative stuffs from everyone, but i kw deep inside, that if i dun even at least gave it a go, i will regret it for my entire life. Its just a thin line between bravery and foolishness, and i chose to believe that i am brave rather then dumb. yeah.

Im not the best man on the list, neither do i even presume im on the list. hahass. Im not big-headed to THAT extend. lolx. Im taking it easy this time around, i perceive myself as having next to no chance, so my hopes aint that high although i keep irritating those 2 people that kws this secret until they buay tahan and keep bursting my bubbles. :p

And therefore i once more say this again, my blog is open and without much restrictions, up to this point in time, those people that should kw have alreadi knew, and those that still dun kw will kw after this entry, provided they read my blog lah. Its too bloody obvious. hahahass.

Enough bout zharbo, as i said in the last entry, my fitness have improved alot, and i also see myself fitting better into my old clothes, todae i wore my sweater, that has been too small for me for the past 3 yrs, and its a good fit, though can still see my fats hanging around. opps.

I am slowly evolving yet again, as usual. Though i dun kw what kinda form i will change into, i highly suspect i will be still round and fat. hahahas! Fat or slim i dun care anymore ba, i just wanna pass my ippt. RT gave me a head start towards passing my ippt, giving me 5 points in 2 stations, and the rest of the stations most prob after training relaxingly for 2 months, i should be able to get 5 points as well.

I foresee myself running into financial trouble for my last 2 semester fees, so i most prob will be taking out a study loan soon. Something happened in my family, and im abit troubled by it, nonetheless, im old enough to understand the need to be independent.

I hope nicholas will strike lottery, i realli realli he will strike lottery. The reason i will not say, but if he strikes lottery, then lets just say i will be the happiest man in the world. hahahasss!

Jason's : Any guy in the world could do what i do, yet could any guy in the world feel what i feel?

Suicidal Peeps!

People around me are suicidal, and ah wei just told me his lesbian fren is uncontactable for 2 days in a row and the last time she was on msn, her nick was " Why didnt i die?". Ah wei was wondering what happened, and im kinda raw on this kinda stuff, because i have never handled a missing lesbian case. hmms.

I told ah wei to maybe go check it out from the gal that caused her all this misery, maybe she will kw. And ah wei was commenting to me nowadays, even gals hurt gals. Ironic hor? It seems in watever relationship, whether straight or crooked, peeps seems to be hurting peeps. And then comes the big question--> why?

I dun have an answer for that, but as for myself, i would rather be the one being hurt then the one hurting people. I will never do stewpid stuffs and ditch my gal, tat is for sure, the only ditching that will occur is when my gal ditch me. hahahass!

Okays, back on a serious note, i've came to an understanding about something, and im adopting eugene's mentality. Got means its a blessing, dun have also dun need to brood on it too much, anyways if its worth it, u will continue waiting passively. Notice i say passively, because if u're too active, u will become a pain in the ass. Noone wanna be a pain in the ass, trust me, i had experience with a few, and i screwed the fuck out of them.

Okies, todae as usaul, im a veri happy man. im mostly happy nowadays lah, cause there's something that makes me happy. Its obvious, people can see, and so i take it that the subject should kw ba. Happy is copied all over my personal dictionary now, but being happy is not enough, i wanna be blessed. Yeah, blessed, if u get the link with the paragraph above. hahahas

Enough nonsense, back to daily life. RT is working wonders, todae took ippt, and my running 2.4 improved by 2 mins, sit-up became 5 points, shuttle run became 5 points. The rest all failed, but pull up improved by 1. Might not sound much i know, but in just 2 weeks, its alot. I feel myself getting fitter and fitter. Wootz!

I like my new hairstyle, firstly because its cooling, and secondly because its neat and hassle-free, dun need to style the stupid hair for too long. Long hair is a hindrance to training too. heh. Tomolo morning im gonna go gym! Its time to do abit of work on my own, cannot keep depend on RT, RT is ending in 2 weeks time, so after that i have to persevere on my own. wow.

The time has come for me to be completely honest, whoever ask me watever questions, im not gonna evade and change topic le. Ask me, and i shall tell u the truth, nothing but the truth. Saw botak on the mrt todae, and as usaul, he's still the old botak.

Lets tok abit about botak shall we? Botak is a nonsense spouting poly fren of mine, who likes to tok lots of rubbish and nonsense, yet a fun person to be with. He's mouth is always full of insults and grumbles, yet deep inside he's a nice person lah. He always like to nag and scold stuart, and in the past stuart was labelled as the weak one in our group, second the kai cheong, the legendary 'weak one'. hahahass

But there's one thing i dun realli approve of botak, he simply likes to slack, dun bother to upgrade himself at all. The rest of our poly group didnt study much during poly, and we played our time away, yet now we all grew up and matured. Those studying, are working hard to get good grades, and those working are working their ass off to climb the ladder. And botak is slacking at home a few mth ago, currently he's working as some kinda part time slacker. Haiz.

Sad botak. I do wish he can get his mentality up to speed like the rest of us, he's still like a kid. Dude, if u are reading this, pls, im not dissing u man, i just want u to grow up into good men like KC, Wong, Kaicheong, stuart and me. U cant simply slack ur life away as an odd job worker man.

For a finale, i shall paste the lyrics of a song that rei recommended to me here. Its meaningful and has a deeper meaning to it, okay i just repeated myself. hahaass, watever man. So here we go:

"Angels Or Devils"
By Dishwalla

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

Jason's : Im kinda numb by reality, so i gonna need a alternate universe soon.

Crazy Fucker

Todae i went to cut my hair super short. I guess i finally bear to cut my long hair. I love long hair, but i need a change i tink, and im now contemplating dyeing my hair ash blonde and getting a ear stut. Im still considering man... i seriously tink im going crazy.

Tomolo im going to sentosa! Im going with meekia they all, to get tanned and chill out abit. This week's been too hectic for me, and i need time off from all the relationship confusion that's been bugging me. Yesterday wasnt so good, cause i kinda lost my cool. I lost my focus and therefore im abit crazy yesterday. Cutting my hair is one way to help me recollect what matters most to me and what i should concentrate on.

Whether she likes me anot, i tried and im still trying, its a thick wall they say, but to me, no matter how thick the wall, as long as i feel it's worth it then i will keep trying to knock down that wall. Nicely put its called perseverance and determination, but people chose to call me dumb and silly. Whatever they say ba.

Im abstaining from soft drinks from tomolo onwards, so without sugar, i will be abit restless and moody for the next month. Give it a month, the deadline is coming up soon. RT is ending in 2 weeks time and i still haven pass my ippt, what a failure i am, wow.

Will be brushing up my guitar skills from tomolo, putting aside 1 hr per day just to practice guitar again. Im gonna get a acoustic guitar soon, and maybe i shall be taking over rei's extra acoustic.

Sometimes, when you click with people, there's 2 ways to click. One way is the open chemistry, when everything u do and say is openly similar with the other party, that is open symmetrical chemistry. The second way is hidden parallel chemistry, where u and the other party clicks, but in ways that only you know.

A good example of open chemistry is kuku, she clicks with me to a very eerie point, and that's why i think having a god-sister like her aint that bad after all. The example of hidden chemistry, i shall not say who is it, but its obvious.

And before signing off this entry, im considering taking part in the dance club in skool, yes, dun laugh, i wanna go learn hip hop. But im waiting to see if the guys wanna join me as well, if not i will go alone. I know im fat lah, but fat dun mean cannot dance mah. Chill.

Jason's : Simplicity is a felicity of life, yet pride and prejudice dictate mankind.

Overwhelmed

Things have been a roller coaster ride these days. I wondered is life going uphill or downhill, i seriously dun know at this point of time. Im happy for all the right reasons, yet doubtful for all the wrong reasons. I am going against the tide, at least that's what i choose to believe.

People say lots of stuffs, and i beg to differ, yet i cannot simply wipe away stuffs that make sense. Some of their analysis makes lots of sense, and worse thing is, different people tells me different stuffs and advice. I hate that kinda feeling, when i feel myself being so easily influenced by whatever other people say.

And so im determined, i like her enough to go against logic and go against tide. I might be fat, i might be rotund looking, i might not be yandao, i might not be talented, but fuck whatever ba, even if there's a 0.0001% chance, i dun mind going against the world if i have to, because i like her.

I've been trying to make it bloody obvious, because the time has come to take action and give it a try. What meimei says is also correct, things are unpredictable like the wind. In the first place, why bother to predict? So what if failed? Will you die? No. So pick up the pieces and carry on, im halfway there to the destination, so why not finish up what i started, rather then leaving it dangling in midair.

Ah well, like i always say, there are times where u simply wanna heck the world and do whatever u want. This is such a time, i kw they meant well for me, but they built me up, and now they're trying to tear me down for my own good. I understand their kind intentions, but just let me walk till the end, even if i fail, i do not wanna fail with regrets.

Handed in WIL project todae, anyhow do then hand in. I dun tink i will get high grades for this one. Heck ba, i still need to juggle my other stuffs as well, seraphine is doing well, and im veri busy over the orders, group projects are back to haunt me and RT is making me damn tired, though its good for me.

I have decided to take a drastic measure to shed lard, its a method u dun wanna know about. I need to pass my ippt, and so i have been saying from ages ago. I dun wanna be a NATO, no action talk only, so ya, try harder dude.

Life and it's irony, things might seem good, but actually they are bad, and vice versa. Why the fuck are there so many masks and complexity in life? Gosh, fuck me.

Jason's : Against time and against tide, who shall prevail?

Ti Amo

Had my first mobilization todae, wasnt as bad as i thought. Things moved quite fast, went to camp, inpro, unpack and check, went to emart to get watever i didnt bring, then home bound. Short and sweet. Things finished up within the hour. Hurhur.

I bought 4 sets of new PT attire at the emart todae, the new shorts were very 'sexy', the new pt shirt were brown and very nice for training purposes. Its after chinese new yr and its time to go back to what i started, i must keep to my word.

I think, sometimes we must give things a chance, no matter how impossible we perceive it to be. For example, u might not like chocolate, but u must give it a chance to see whether it suits u anot. We are born to try, no matter what, if there is no start, there will never be an end. Dun give excuses any longer, give yourself a chance, give it a go.

The above is just to remind somebody that sticking to the 'safe' boundries of his/her world will lead him/her no where. Go out and see the world for what it realli is, dun simply hold down urself and have the perception that everything that you dont do, is useless and a waste of time. I used to confine myself to my safe world in the past, but i opened up, nothing is impossible, its just whether u give yourself and give whatever u can do a chance.

I used to tink basketball is dumb, but once i gave it a try, i realised there's more to it then meets the eye. The same with the gal im currently interested in, i used to think other wise, but soon time showed me who she realli is, and therefore im determined to make the extra effort to understand her more. What im trying to say is, dun ever close off any possibilities or paths, though u might fall down, u learn something from the fall.

Ah, i think all the above thoughts came about when i was doing my mob todae, i've been tinking on my way, that mob is fucked up, yet when i reached there, it wasnt so bad. I used to tink RT and reservist sucks balls, yet once i tried them, they are quite enjoyable actually. U get to meet new frends and new people, get exposed to new environment and everyday u learn something from everybody. Wow.

I now know why tv shows always got those documentary that keeps emphasizing the learning is a lifelong process. Learning is not just confined to books and academics, but also through everyday life. Daily life makes me think, and day by day i feel more and more enlightened.

I realli grew up alot mentally, judging from what i did 2 days ago in the school library. I always have this knot in my heart that keeps stinging me. I've said in a past entry that the thorn is my past related to huimin. And the final thorn has finally been lifted. I saw the frend that took her from me in the library, and i went up to tok to him and say hi. Wow. Might not be much i know, but to me, the hatred i have brewing within me for so many yrs is gone within a few seconds.

I've learn to see things even more light heartedly and openly. If its not meant to be, means u're meant to be with another person, u just haven met the right person. We go into relationships to see whether we're meant for each other, that's y i say, we're still trying. If u wait for the perfect person to turn up, it might be an endless wait. So why not give people a chance and see whether ur compass of perfection will point in her way?

Anyways enough talk about trying, lets move on the something else. My goals, yes, im supposed to do this as my WIL assignment. I have no clue watsoever on where or how to start, i onli kw we're supposed to fill up some silly template and then write about how employable we are. Self-advertisement and haolian-ness, sounds like my territory. hahass.

Jason's : Wonderfully insane, exceedingly beautiful, totally cute.

Usaully i put down song lyrics because im too lazy to blog and i dun wanna leave my blog un-updated for more then a week. So todae is one of those days where im so killed by deadlines that i simply dun have the mood to blog. So ya, here comes one of those songs that i swear by, its so damn nice.

Chris Daughtry - Over You

Now that it's all said and done
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house

What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
Fell to far, was in way to deep
I guess I let you get the best of me

Well I never saw it coming
I should of started running
A long long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you, More than you know
I'm slowly getting closure
I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
Now I'm picking up the pieces
and spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
The day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you!

You took a hammer to these walls
dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say
When you slammed the front door shut
A lot of others opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me

Well I never saw it coming
I should of started running
A long long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you More than you know
I'm slowly getting closure


I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
Now I'm picking up the pieces
And spending all of these these years
Putting my heart back together

It's a day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you

Well I never saw it coming
I should of started running
A long long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you, More than you know

Well I never saw it coming
I should of started running
A long long time ago
And i never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you, More than you know
I'm slowly getting closure
I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
Now I'm picking up the pieces
and spending all of these years
Putting My heart back together

Oh Ooooooh!

Now I'm putting my heart back together!

oh Ooooooooh!

Cause I got over you!
I got over you!
I got over you!

It's a day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you

Wonderful wonderful song, beautiful melody and meaningful lyrics. Go download and listen, blew me away the moment i listened to it. hahas.

And before i go, i wanna thank my frens. Thank you guys, u people made my day that day, i didnt kw my stuff meant that much to you people. I will work hard guys!

Jason's Thoughts: Daughtry's vocals are so fucking wonderful man. Wow.

Whatever They Say

Whatever They Say

by DBSK

(Micky)Girl, don"t listen to what they say

They can"t stand to see together. Come on Listen

(Hero) Baby Girl, You are my lucky one

Out of all the many people, you and I are the most similar to each other

(Xiah) But everyone wants us to break up

Oh, If this is realty, then don't believe in destiny

*(All) Whatever they say, don"t listen girl

All they're doing is being envious of us

I just hope you will believe in whatever I tell you

Whatever they say, I don"t care, I love you

(Hero) I can't lose you, its so hard

(Uno) Baby, I don't know what to say

I just have to tell you that my heart will never change

(Micky) People just want us to compromise with the world

(Hero) If that will make me lose you, then I will go against the world

*(All) Whatever they say, don"t listen girl

All they're doing is being envious of us

I just hope you will believe in whatever I tell you

Whatever they say, I don"t care, I love you

(Xiah) I can't lose you, its so hard

(Max) I wanted to let you go just for your benefit

But the love and trust you've shown me gives me courage

*(All) Whatever they say, don"t listen girl

All they're doing is being envious of us

I just hope you will believe in whatever I tell you

Whatever they say, I don"t care, I love you

(Xiah) I can't lose you, its so hard

*(All) Whatever they say, don"t listen girl

All they're doing is being envious of us

They are different from us so they will never understand us

Whatever they say, I don"t care, I love you

(Xiah) I can't lose you

(Micky) Baby girl, you are my lucky one

Jason's : Im going home, to where i belong. (Chris Daughtry - Home)

Yowugolohoboto

What makes me glad and what makes me sad. I have this sudden feeling that im kinda the odd one out, dun kw why. Maybe the recent events made me realized that i may be the only bachelor in the OG. hahass!

I like oriental and traditional stuffs, things that have a cheena tinge to it. There's this air of elegance and traditional love around chinese culture. Songs that have a ancient romantic aura around them brings my imagination to those olden days china, example are Qing Hua Ci and Jiang Nan. I was from chinese orchestra during my sec skool days, and there's this indescribable beauty about traditional chinese music, a beauty that bestows and brings out the essence of orientalism.

Im vexed todae, that's y im blogging now. I feel veri lost and stuck, i dun realli kw which steps to take and which path to travel. A new addition to the formula got the whole thing all messed up. So many things to stress over, so little time. Fuck projects, fuck tests and fuck RMIT. Period.

Jason's : Self-hypnosis. Law of attraction. rubbish. crap.

Coded Words

Inch by inch, bit by bit, i know. Patience, i have. Tired, i am. People say its impossible, to me, if we dun try, its realli impossible. I try, at least more then 0%, dun try, cfm 0%.

This morning went to gym, did some light stuffs because its been sometime since my last gym session. Indeed i have weakened, i used to be able to endure 12 reps 3 cycles, now its juz 8 reps 2 cycles. Whatever it is, im taking it slow and steady. I might not become a hunk, i might not get a 6 pec, but the gist of the story is i try. I at least try fucking hard to get them.

Soon my boxing regime will start once again, this time the complete stuff, not just heavy bags. I most prob will be proceeding to phrase 2 of the RT because 1 mth is simply too little time to tone up enough to pass the IPPT, but im not complaining, because RT force the focus into me. I needa get kicked in the butt to take training religiously.

And now abit of psychology.
We human beings, always have highs and lows in our emotional states. But the surprising thing is there's no absolute continuing span of high or low. Meaning, what comes up must go down, what goes down must come up. Have u ever wondered how a simple song, or a single event can instantly affect ur mood? Sometimes even a 180 degree change?

Different people have different methods to calm themselves down, and for me, its music. The wonderful thing about music is the various genres seems to have a mind of their own, singing about love, or simply chanting about hope and life itself. Each and every song have a soul of its own, and that's how i perceive songs to be, an individual entity. I heard from somewhere, that every song tells a story.

Usually things can be very simple, so why make things so difficult?

Jason's : Im just a man. A simple man.

Evanescence

Slack day todae, slept all the way till 1pm plus, then went to meet mee kia for haircut. I didnt realli cut my hair, kinda trim it only. After new yr then cut ang moh head. Wootz. Then somewhere around late noon, went to meet zhengyi for kopi at jurong point coffee bean.

Zhengyi always have this notion that im still that kiddish fellow that always tok cock and nonsense with him, but sad to say, its wrong. I guess he needs someone who he tinks is a loser to side with, and automatically he includes me inside his loser list. Therefore sometimes its simply upsetting that he keeps trying to lower my self-esteem by saying things that are veri disheartening to say the least.

I once said a man's heart should be like the ocean, able to swallow and forgive. All along i tried to live by that phrase, yet people start seeing me as a timid fellow. To me, its better that people see me as a weakling, then fear me for my temper. I know deep within that sometimes things might seem unfair and there's injustice, yet i chose to forgive and forget the whole thing.

Im not without fire though im nice, its juz that my fire, aint that kinda normal fire. Im in a very peaceful state of emotions now, finally untying all the knots that have plagued me for so long. All the past burdens that i have carried with me quietly, are slowly being put down one by one.

As i become lighter physically and emotionally, im beginning to see life as a wholesome entity, not as some cramped up existence. Why be bothered by things and people that seems fucked up? Let it go ba, everything has a start and has an end. Let grudges and grievances be a thing of the past, all those things will be gone with the wind. Letting go is easier said then done, but everything is simply due to your perspective, knowing when to let go is a profound knowledge.

Therefore, im now a clean sheet, started anew. My mind is aligned to my dreams and ambitions, my heart is aligned to a wonderful gal, my body is aligned towards building a better shape. Sometimes i contradict my entries, so try to understand how come im so contradictory.

Derek McDonald - Hurts So Bad

Jason's : Can i tok to you for a minute? Can i bring u out for a day?

Obviously Obvious

I still wonder how come ppl still doesnt notice it at all. I asked the one-nearest-to-me izzit obvious, and he told me for ppl tat kws, its veri obvious. Im not trying to be all secretive about this thing, but i simply dun wanna advertise it, its sickening when the whole world knows and you're kinda stuck.

I dun hold much hope, eugene told me, the higher the hope, the greater the disappointment. She's a very nice gal, i sincerely say this, yet i further understand that things have not gone the way i want them for a very long time already. I keep trying to drop hints, but whether she gets it anot, im not sure. Up to this point, if gals realli have a sixth sense, then she should know its her.

As for the past, she's a sister to me now, no more then that. After thinking thru, there's no point denying things when ppl disturb me, just smile and forget it. The more i deny, the more im still into it, therefore, dun deny, accept the joke and laugh it off. :)

These days im becoming damn sporty, monday to friday im active for 4 days man, and im gonna go for RT later at 4pm. Monday basketball, tuesday badminton, wednesday RT, thursday basketball, saturday RT. Wootz, im feeling shagged out but damn healthy and happy after every tiring day.

The fats are burning and i can feel it, but it shall take sometime for me to lose significant weight, because there's no instant healthy way to lose the lard. Im more outdoorish these days not only because of my O, its also because of various other reasons like passing my ippt etc. And yeah, i wanna look better, im a rubbish heap now.

I desperately need to clean my room, the mess is back. Clothes all over the floor, things all littered around the room. I've always wanted to buy new furniture, but im financially tight, so ya. I most probably wanna make my room black and white, so im now tinking of spraying my current cupboards and tables in my room black and white. Muahahah, im mad. :P

98 Degrees - "The day we find love" --> This isnt the first time, wont be the last time.

Jason's : Change is evident and eminent.

Short Entry

Too tired to blog much. Anyways todae is a happening day, alot of quarrels man. From class to DOTA, all got quarrels. Haiz, i want peace man, between frends there's no need to flare up, tok things thru calmly.

Seeing that, im somebody that will only show fangs to outsiders. Im extremely explosive when outsiders step on my tail, but towards frends, i have a veri high threshold. hahass.

People are blind to the obvious sometimes, hahass, and that is a good thing for me at the moment.

Games are meant to destress, not further stress. Why get so worked up over a game man?

There are people in the world that u can never win against in a quarrel. I know of one such person. hurhur.


Jason's : As the days pass, the certainty of choice presents itself to me.

人心难测

Todae went for my 1st RT, for those tat dun kw what is RT, it stands for Remedial Training, and its designed to help losers like me pass IPPT. hahass, maybe not losers, how bout seriously unfit individuals? :)

Anyways todae was a slack day, listened to briefing and i had a slight recollection of my army days and the things we did. I was wondering how come i didnt take the chance in army to slim down, rather then staying round and plump. Ahhhh, life and its intricate intricacies.

While slacking and enjoying the strong breeze at maju camp, i came upon some important insights on relationships. I was reflecting on how i felt the day before, when i was in school and i saw my first love again. This time, i surprised myself, because i saw her, and the only thing running thru my mind is we're frens, i no longer want her. All these years, i never realli gotten over her, yet tat day, i totally feel nothing.

When there's somebody else that's significant enough in your life, they will automatically overtake whoever is residing within ur heart. The logic is simple enough, no love is forever. This is the first time somebody actually took over her place, and that somebody, is a very ironic somebody.

I discovered my criteria have shifted drastically over the years. From searching for someone whose soft spoken, dependant and passive, to somebody totally the opposite. Everybody have norms to prescribe what kinda person suits him or her, and im no different. I know this sounds silly, but my specifications in the past was just to find someone to spend time with, this time round, i want somebody that can go the distance.

You know, tat kinda guy that have wives that are always behind them supporting them, while they fight their heads off in the business world? I foresee myself as one of them, and i needa find somebody that have qualities like tat. In short, like what xuanhe said, im looking for somebody that can help me solve problems, not create more problems. That's why those soft spoken, dependant and passive ladies ain't my type now.

Back to RT todae, i was Q-ing up to key in my height and weight, when i saw a little man infront of me. I dun wanna sound mean, but he's a total sad case. 155cm, bone thin, head of a uncle and body of a goblin, coupled with rotting teeth and kiddish actions, makes him the bottom few of the singaporean male enviroment. ( I know, im fucked up, but make do with it ba, im a little crazy nowadays, im very nice normally.)

And there's alot of other very very fat fellows, which i would totally lose when it comes to wrestling. Seeing them in that form, makes me fear for myself. What if i become like them? Eat eat eat, grow fat and become like them? And xuanhe likes to remind me of wat became of MC King to dissuade me from over eating. All these stuffs are working man, no fucking way am i gonna become like them. No fucking way man. Im 24, single and i needa earn my 1st million by 30 yrs old!

People laugh when i tell them i want a million bucks by 30 yrs old, that makes me all the more determined to deliver on my self-prophecy. I jokingly told mee-kia that in the event that im 29 and im no where near my million, i will go rob bank. hahas!

At the bus depot in the evening, i saw something veri heartwarming. An veri old ang moh couple are holding hands and walking around the depot. How can their love last so long, and even when they're so old, they still so loving and backpacking around the world? The instance u see them, u will understand, true love does exists in this world. This sentence is contradictory to my 'No love is forever' theory if u noticed. Food for thought, is it realli contradictory? Go think about it. :)

Was watching the movie A1 HEADLINES just now, and edison chen said something impressive in the movie. When a guy lays eyes on a woman, they're classified into 3 cathegories. One type is those u see alreadi jittao dislike one, meaning there's something that makes u condemn them. Second type is those labeled FAT, not literally, but as in Fuck And Throw. Lastly is those women that once u laid eyes on her, u wanna spend ur days with her.

So in short, Type 1 is the Condemned, Type 2 is the Flings, and Type 3 is the Girlfriend Material.
Crude, i know, fucked up, guaranteed, but this is the bare truth, all guys have this classification system programed into them, there's no way around it.

Tonite is a good nite, good nite to sleep, and im starting to miss those rainy nites.

Jason's : I will still sing 'Forever Love' for my galfrend no matter what happens.

My Alter-Ego

Some people are just childish, i dun fucking know why am i still competing with tat fucker, i just dun wanna lose out? A failure in life is somebody who have fallen from the ranks, according to xh, i do think its true, if u're smart, then u wouldnt be here in the first place. And so i sealed my fate as another failure in life. watever.

I met eugene and xh todae at jurong point, we're supposed to be shopping for new yr clothes, but im the end eugene just bought a rim of paper and we headed to my house to play mahjong. Wrong move, i lost money again. I keep losing money man, cb one. I will wash my hands off gambling until my luck turns better.

The man side of me is running amok these few days, so i might be a little violence-inclinded. Another notion is, i simply cant fucking stick to a regime, either im totally rebellious or im simply lazy. Gosh, i tink its the second. So i shall give myself 2 more weeks, if things dun get better, im switching to extreme mode. She wont stay single forever you know?

Tonite is a emo nite, not that kinda love-lorn-sad kinda emo, but more towards a fuck-the-world kinda emo. Meaning fucked up mood, i kinda wanna hit every single fucking bastard out there. Dun kw why, images of those cb kias in my life starts floating pass my mind one by one. Either im having what they call male-form PMS, or im going crazy. I tink its the latter.

There might be another reason why im soooooooo fucking pissed, but its a reason i wont say, simply because it reflects very very badly on me. Yes, as a businessman and as a frend. Those who are interested can ask me, i rather tell u personally then posting it for the whole world to see how fucked up i am.

How many times have u seen me being veri quiet? Im only quiet for special reasons. Either im sad, tulanz, or i gek sai too the extend that if i open my mouth to speak, shit will come out from the ass. Im never a quiet person, so people tend to get worried when i stop toking. I will cut short my hair veri veri soon, im starting to get sick of trying to get them in the right place throughout the day. I want hassle free hair.

Cannot, buay tahan le, i go sleep le, if i continue i tink more fucked up stuffs will flow out. Nitez.

Jason's : An unknown anger engulfs me, dun fuck with me please.

Happy B'day Nich!

Happy day todae, went to celebrate nich's birthday after noon lessons. There's some issues that made me abit upset in the noon class, but since its nich's bday, nvm ba. If u ppl wanna kw what happened, its simple, my fucking cb school is not printing notes for us, we have to print notes ourselves. i know, its insane and dumb, but all in all, its my fault for being too dumb lah, why choose RMIT man. ccb.

Anyways, as i was saying, todae is nich's bday, and though we didnt realli hugely celebrate it, we did went to eat and stuffs like tat, so ya, its fruitful lah. hahass. Im slowly breaking out of my cocoon as well, im not feeling so 'locked up' anymore, if u kw wat i mean. Someone is slowly unlocking me from the inside, slowly and steadily.

Things are starting to pick up speed the nxt few weeks. I have a premonition that i will be packed and stretched to my mental limits. Lots of projects, and i have to get ready for the bazaar in school that's coming up from 12-14th Feb. Yes, its a valentine's day bazaar and yes, im selling PSP stuffs at a valentine's day bazaar. hahahass! World first! :)

Toking about valentine's, i kinda wanna go out with you-know-who leh, but i still dun dare to ask her out, dun kw why. hahass! See how ba, i alreadi made an appointment with bestie to go out tat day, so we shall see how things go ba. And i tink i wont be receiving chocolates this valentine's ba, im so fat, noone likes me. hahass!

I wanna cut my hair short, i've been sporting long hair for sometime alreadi, abit sick of it, but i dun kw what kinda style to cut man. U know those ang moh shows hor, they got those 'ang moh' hair style that is short in the front, medium length at the back and sides. Then when u style can get those out-of-bed hair that is neat yet sibei nice one. Im trying to get that kinda style, but i always cant get a picture to show my hair stylish. hmms...

I actually wanted to blog about something, but i forgot wat. I always have this habit of tinking bout stuffs when im on the bus, but everytime i reach home and wanna blog it out, i ALWAYS forget. There's this sianzation, when u are so excited and agitated to write down something, but when u are ready to type it all down, u suddenly drew a blank in ur mind. Fuck. -.-"

Jason's : There's this guy that speaks like a fly in my lecture. Hahahas! Im mean!

神经病!

There are some people in this world that are so dumb. They ask questions that i wouldnt even dream about asking. Ironically, these people are the people that pays me for my products. yes, their name is customer.

Selling PSPs is a fun endeavour indeed, i get asked super dooper interesting questions, like " what's the weight diff between PSP fat and slim ah?", and "what's the centimetre difference ah?". The most epic one is " Can i play my PS2 games in the PSP?". Sometimes i dun kw wanna laugh or wanna cry. Then there's this veri interesting customer, he wanted me to send him the entire PSP games pricelist, which is impossible to get simply because supplier prices are kept secret in order to be competitive. Haiz... the sad facet of a up and coming entrepreneur~~~

These days, im getting abit crazy i tink, but what the heck lah, what's so bad about being crazy? being crazy is good. Mad is better. Muahahaha. See how serious its getting? Im even contemplating about the possibility of going overseas and climbing some mountains... oh fuck, im realli mad. zzzzz

Jason's : Lurve Lovre Love Luve Loourve~~~

黑色毛衣

Its surprising where u can simply overlook something or someone. This comes at a time when i truly needed it and the more i find out and understand, the more im attached. I shouldnt be too blunt or obvious here, lest the repercussions will swallow me whole. I will be giving myself and this issue sometime, i feel that there's something special this time round, even i cannot comprehend it.

But i do have to say something first, my entries in the past projects me as a good guy and boyfrend bla bla bla, but in actual fact i dont have a actual girlfrend before, so its all one-sided judgement. No one will say he or she is fucked up and mean it sincerely lah, so just to inform u people, keep a neutral stance, im not some god-sent boyfrend from heaven or watever. Nonetheless, i solemnly promise to treat my future girlfrend with respect and will take good care of her no matter what happens. And no, promises are not meant to be broken. :)

Currently my status is not here not there, meaning i've just started out as a entrepreneur, still pursuing my degree and lacks a long term part-time job. Im fat but not ugly, and i tink im not extremely fat lah, just abit round. hahahass. Interestingly, im happy now, though im finantially tight, i think im quite satisfied with how things turned out till now. Sad stuffs are behind me, and slowly happier times are looking to be just around the corner.

RT is starting next saturday, and i kinda look forward to it, because i will turbo run during RT, then i will slim down abit ba. Slimming down is a bonus lah, i just wanna pass my IPPT, whether i slim down and become yandao hor, i dun fuck care anymore. If the gal i like thinks i cannot make it because im fat, then its pointless to be spending time trying to get into her good books lah. If u truly like me, whether im fat slim ugly or handsome u also will like de lah, good looks and rock-hard body is a bonus, the key to whether a relationship can go the distance lies in the personality.

Technically, if we just ignore those fucking bastard (eg--> cheater shawn) and childish fuckers, our life will be better. Why bother toking and arguing with those fucktarts? Simply show them the finger and walk off ba, dun waste your breathe toking to them. I will only open my mouth to talk to people i deemed are my frends, and toking about frends, i love my OG. (i know this sounds gay lah, but seriously, you guys and gals are the best.)

Nich, eugene, reilly, xuanhe, these 4 jokers are the guys closest to me in the OG, especially nich and eugene. Nich is abit crazy, eugene is full of lust, rei hates gays and xuanhe is kenny no more! Anyways if u guys happen to be reading this entry, i have some stuffs to tell u all. Firstly to nich, pls dun listen to so much emo chinese songs, er xin leh. Eugene, dun sian ba, there's alot of others in SIM lah, forget the nurse and yan ba. Rei, study more lah, dun play so much MMORPG lah, abit lifeless leh. Xuanhe, tok more to train ur mouth muscles ba, they needa move after so long.

And well, after so long, i finally will try saving up for a backpacking trip to taiwan or hongkong at mid year. Will try to save up around 2000 bucks ba, but if i get attached ( ya, attached to my O), then maybe save around 4000 bucks till end of the year, then sponsor her trip as well. hohoh, me and my big fat dream. lolx! But watever man, i will still start planning for the trip ba.

Jason's : I see perfection almost everyday, how could i have missed it?

Jason 很安静...

Zhou jie lun. One of the most talented singer song writer of our time. Initially when he started out, i didnt tink much of him, i dismissed him as just another up and rising star which will fade out in like 1 mth time. But im wrong. lolx

Among his songs, i absolutely loved his ai zai xi yuan qian, tui hou, hui dao guo qu and wo bu pei. There's simply too many songs that he wrote which tugged at my heartstrings at differing periods of my life. I have this habit of assigning songs to people, and now i have the habit of writing songs because of people. Though the songs i wrote isnt realli top notch, they encompass the pure sincerity that im very proud to possess.

A veri important thing that i always like to tell myself is, though im noone special and have nothing special, my sincerity towards relationships are never doubted. Ah, why did i come to this topic? i should be toking about jay's song in this entry. lolx

Well, back to jay, another song that holds lots of meaning for me is duan le de xuan. Can strings that are broken ever be reconnected? Strings once broken, even if connected back are never as they were before. I have tried lots of time to piece together the broken pieces together, but you will never get back the same whole ever again. As is with everything, nothing will ever be the same again.

Nobody ever gives u the same feeling, everyone u came into contact with is unique, as is every relationship. Every story has its integrity, and has its value. Some people dun like stories, they detest past failures and condemns those stories because they believe it narrates their stupidity and foolishness. But did they ever realised, no matter how sad that story was, its part and parcel of what made them who they are now.

The key to a broken heart is always with another person. Whether that person comes along is another issue altogether. Jay's xin yu tells a sad tale about the sorrow that falls upon him like the relentless cold rain. Sorrow is never a good thing, yet its the emotion that forces us to mature the most.

Ban dao tie he, describes the happiness that is locked into a box, and which he had lost the key that he once had. A key and a locked box, a key and a locked heart, a key and a locked lock. Would u rather spend time finding the key to a box that will never open unless u find the right key, or would u rather spend time finding the right box for your key? I for one, will gladly spend time searching for that one single key that can open the unique box that i have chosen.

Jason's : Silence signifies the highest decibel of disappointment.

Sibei Sian

Boring Boring Boring, i've been running around these few days, until todae then i have the chance to take a breather. But still, life is boring. Nothing special happens, im still trying to shed lard, still dun dare to breathe a word to her, still obsessed with getting rich etc. There's so many 'stills' and the only consolations is i've accomplished some of those stuffs.

Shedding lard is a slow and steady process, no point rushing. If u like me, then good, dun like me, nvm, i dun fuck care. I know my mum likes me no matter how fat i am. muahahaha. Yes, im loved by my mum. lolx. Anyways seriously lah, im not bad looking, just abit rounded. Lose the lard and im there. Easier said then done i know, but if moses lim can do it, why cant i?

Regarding her, i dun wanna say anything more. So many entries about her, people do get sick listening about it though i will never get sick toking bout her. hahasss

Eugene chided me 2 days ago, and i tink i truly deserve the scolding. Im fucked up in some sense that i wouldnt wanna say here, but i think only true frends scold u. Im that kinda crazy fellow that reflects alot, so when people give opinions on my stuffs, i listen and i appreciate it.

Daily life wise, im trying to spice things up a little, but spicing up needs money, and money is the only other thing i dun have besides a darling. I need new clothes, and since new yr is coming, maybe some other new stuffs as well. Needa meet up with my buddies as well, its the new year man.

Education wise, im still on route towards my degree, so ya, i needa put in effort. I do suspect i will do the last minute thingy again this semester, im not the 'continual assessment' kinda guy, if u get wat i mean. Lots of projects this semester, which means i have to depend on my project mates alot. I trust the guys, but for those random teams, i just need to pray hard.

New year resolutions. I make them for the sake of making them, but i hardly adhere to them. hahass. First to come is the resolution i have made for the past 10 yrs i tink, lose weight. Second is get a good darling. Third is financial surplus ( if this comes true, im gonna bring my mum to hong kong.). And then there's the top 50, hahass, dun tink its possible tis yr. Something is telling me 2008 is my year, i dun kw why, but i have a feeling i will get watever i want this year. hmms...

Jason's : Success = Money = Confidence = Charisma

Preserved

I cant help but wonder if somebody actually put some kinda voodoo curse one me. My world is always in a mess, i always meet people that suits me to a tee, yet we were never fated to get together. Its seriously abit nonsensical leh, and in the end, i have alot of very close female frends. Argh, maybe im supposed to be gay, and then something went wrong that made me non-gay?

I always wondered, what kinda stage will we be at if we're realli together. With a smile and a chuckle, i do understand that it takes 2 hands to clap, and since im the only hand clapping, no sound will ever be produced. Im not emo now or wat lah, just disappointed that what can be so perfect never turned out to be so. And like KC and Joe Joe's song 'All My Life', i prayed all my life for someone like her. When i finally found her, she doesnt feel the same way. Life and it's beautiful plot never fails to intrigue does it?

Its hard to verbally describe that kinda disappointment, its like being brought high up into the heavens, and suddenly u were dropped all the way to earth. If only she could see eye to eye and understand all that we can be and will be. Ah, its getting too obvious i tink, shouldnt be dwelling on this too much ba. Im not toking bout my O.

Back to reality. Life aint so great to me, its realli dull infact. School is boring, because after a short 1st week, i have like 2 weeks to slack before the next lecture starts. I know, timetable is fucked up, what to do? Bird school, bird admin, bird lecturers and therefore bird me. Sad.

Focusing on my stuffs aint so easy, because there isnt realli much to focus on. When i focus to do something, i finish it realli fast, and therefore nothing is left to focus at the end. Understand wat i mean? If u do, good, if not, read the sentence again until u understand.

I know those people that reads my blog might be finding it a tad too boring, because there's no pictures and stuffs like tat. Sad to say, i dun have much pictures of myself. hahass. Toking about pictures, i was flipping thru pics of my younger self, and i did changed quite abit. I wonder how did my primary and secondary school frends identified me.

Ending this entry, i had a great time todae, went to watch movie, had dhoby ghaut's super nice fish soup and went shopping with ah-sa. Ah sa lives in tampines and therefore she is a tampinian. Ya, she's an alien. hoho

Jason's : Would u have the heart to vie with another more sincere man who waited patiently?

Lapsup Entry

How much does it takes for one to trust another? The answer to that question varies from person to person. For me, it doesnt come easily. Im not regularly betrayed if that's what u are wondering, its difficult for me to completely trust a person. Wonder why am i touching on this issue, hmms.

The eyes are the windows to your soul, i truly believe in that, i like to look at people in the eyes, because deep within those black/brown/green/blue/hazel jewels, lies an entity called sincerity. Sincerity is the most precious and pure demonstration of love and honesty, its completely voluntary and only exists if that person wills it. And to add to that, some eyes are so beautiful that simply gazing into them makes u catch a slight glimpse of paradise. Absolute beauty, so silent, yet meaning so so much. Perfection.

As i was telling gene, its getting deeper, though there's a period of unrest. I understand that im falling into a bottomless pit, but i would gladly jump in just to see whether there's an end to the pit after all. Hope and fate is never my frends, so i do wonder if they will take my side tis time round. But its realli getting deeper, i can feel it drilling slowly in. Gene told me to bid my time, i have to agree with him, its not foreseeable to be positive in any direction now.

Something happened ytd on msn, which i conveniently told the guys. But i guess its nothing much lah, im just taken aback by the suddenness of that event. Maybe frendly ba, simply frendly. U wanna kw, ask me in person, i will gladly tell u. :)

School life started yesterday, and its not as exciting as i expected it to be. Though im secretly happy, its still abit dull. hahass. The people in class are still the usual people, and i guess the surviving people in our class now are the people who will graduate with me ba. Its always like tat, there's always some people that are in ur class for a few sems, then they will be gone slowly and then u're left with the remnants, just like my poly class. hahass. Sad but true, some frens will be gone just like tat. hmms.

Thursday going to science center! wootz, its been alot of years since i last went to the science center man, hahass, i wonder what are the changes after all these years? hmms...

Jason's : Excessive stunts will harm your body.

Chiseled

Would u prefer a ipod or a psp? For me, its ipod. heh. I dun like the idea of playing with a handheld in public, i rather spend my time listening to songs and tinking new ideas for all my different interests like new melodies for songs, new business ideas, and yes, most of the time, gals.

Im being told to bring a psp to skool and play in skool as a kinda publicity stunt, but i seriously dun like to play games in public, i feel like a kid man. gosh. But well, for business, i have to do it, so ya, lan lan. Maybe put shows and movies in ba, can at least watch ba. hmms.

Next monday skool starts, and i have a feeling its gonna be a routine semester again. Sunrise sunset kinda routine. ah watever, im starting to spout nonsense again. And i after so long, i still feel tat a guy shouldnt have a blog to show how soft he actually is inside. i kw, im contradicting, but watever the fuck lah, i aint tinking rite now. hahahass

And yes, im evolving mentally yet again. This time, its starting to contradict my values from within. Im getting violent again, must be the recent involvement in basketball. As i have said, im becoming crazier now, im falling in love with sports of every kind. Especially those can do stunts one. Heck whether i can slim down anot, i just wanna enjoy myself, slimming down is a bonus, what matters is the fun. :)

Was toking to sebastian and chatting about the starhub days. Those crazy things i did back then was simply put, crazy. hahass. I do regret acting so impulsively then, because till now i still didnt say a single sorry to her. That is why i have sworn off doing anything romantic for anybody that im wooing, because if u over did it, then its hard to even be frends. No more scrapbook or what fuck shits until she's officially mine. The best part of you must always be reserved for people that reciprocate your love and who u are, not for somebody that is still a question mark.

And there's another person, that i dun even know whether to apologise anot, because im still abit confused on what actually happened. But no use saying so much, its ur actions that determine how sincere u are ba. Enough said , dun need to publicize so much, just be nice to that person can le.

Another issue is money. i am poor. period. Should i withdraw the profits? I tink i endure ba, the profits are meant to be stored to around $1k then used to buy stocks as a form of investment, so i shall endure. So tentatively, im poorer then bangalas and im still waiting for starhub to have roadshows so i can work. No more credit card for me, their pay system is fucked up now, so i rather dun work for them, how the fuck can i get $0 after selling 20+ cards? Argh wtf man.

And so i shall have a job that will allow me to wear jeans, wearing pants is so not me lor, i more a jeans and t-shirt guy, ur typical guy that is lazy to dress up, except for special occasions. :) I know im fat, but im learning to love the lard, slim or fat, u have to live your life. Happiness is a choice, its never given and never taken, its chosen. If i like somebody, and they ostracized me for being fat, they aint worth it in the first place.

Being fat is not a sin, its just a exterior shell that shows ur lack of physical activities. So if somebody shows u attitude or condemn u because u're fat, they aint that fucking sane after all. Its just some opinions i have towards people that tink fat fucks are good for nothing. Im recalling some past events that made me so agitated all of a sudden. Its regarding one guy called dominic, anyways fuck his 18 ancestors, that pua cb kia. (I have alreadi forgiven him, but the sudden tulanness juz came up, so ya. hoho)

And so, my 2008 resolution is made, but yr in yr out, how many people actually stick to new year resolutions? lolx. Watever lahs, at least im veri sure what i want this year, except for the dilemma that i was toking about in the last entry. But things will iron themselves out in the end, in the meantime i needa set up the foundation for greater things to come. My visions and dreams, they're there for the taking.

Lastly, to reflect upon what alot of frends say, im too preoccupied with affairs of the heart. Why should my life be entwined around romance when my purpose is to build my business empire to leave a legacy for the future? My main focus should be on my ambition and aspirations, not on gals. If one person says so, its just his opinion, but close frens like peter, sebastian, ah wei all told me to refocus attention on the bigger picture in life, family, career. I tink you guys are rite. Definitely. No point chasing skirts when i could be building a better future for myself. Skirts and fate are products of nature, and they will come naturally. :)

Jason's Enlightenment : Alot of things have gone unsaid, but will we get the chance to say them tomolo?