i finally realised y i cant go after her again liaoz... its because im fearful of being hurt again n i juz cannot take it when she goes on n on about her bfs n ex-bfs.... i realli cant listen to all tat simply because i still feel for her, at least i sorted tat out. I cant go on like tis with her, its juz too much in the long run lah, so i might as well cut off everything with my own hands lor... no doubt i still like her alot, but fate juz can let us b together, so i might as well b cruel to myself, its better then the prolonged pain.. i finally tot everthing thru liaoz, one thing is still hanging in the balance... do u tink i can go after her again? the possibility of us being juz frendz is non-existent, so please give me some clue as to wat to do k? Hopefully the one reading tis entry will give me some answers... thks... ^_^

i juz finished the book 'Da Vinci's Code'... its realli nice. ^_^ Christmas passed without much hassles n new yr's day is round the corner loh... so fast rite? times realli flies man... Another yr passes n 2005 here we come! Hehe... new yr resolution is simple... try to make $5000 bucks from business lah, so when i ord hor, got capital to start a small business lah... Hmm, i only have a rough idea of wat im realli going to do, though im veri determined to start no matter wat... i know ppl tink im naive to tink business is easy to start, but i have a passion for earning money mah, even if fail nvm lor, can try again one.... hhehe... *_* Dun know whether i can earn my first million by 25 yrs old anot leh... haiz... nvm ba, maybe 30 yrs old ba... :P Tis new yr im also tinking of changing my phone liaoz, maybe i buy sony-ericsson phone better, always nokia veri boring sia... hmm.... dun know wat model to buy leh... i also wanna buy some jeans n shirts too, levi's sounds good hor?? ^_^ i also need some nice sneakers too, my old ones going to 'ORD' liao ! Seriously hor, all tat realli costs a bomb hor? haiz... i tink minimum also need 500+ bucks... hopefully god of fortune smiles on me nxt yr, let me get ALOT of cash!! hehe... ^_^ ( haiz.. wat to do leh, greed is one of the seven deadly sins leh...)

Juz came back from marina south.. i went there for steamboat... hehe. damn oily place sia... tis few days i've been feeling quite lonely sia. Todae is christmas liaoz.... let me ask u something, if someone realli treats u as a frend, she will at least send u a merry christmas rite? i've been waiting for a gal to send me a msg to prove tat she's not using me.... i guess im wrong after all, she will only come looking for me when she gets into trouble or feel realli sad... im nothing to her at all. haiz... y leh? Am i realli tat gullible? Maybe so ba, after all i did, she's juz using me... hehe, i tink i've seen thru gals liaoz, im veri disappointed, y r they all like tat? i juz dun understand... i guess tis is wat they call 'Hei Se You Mo' ba... Tomolo im doing christmas duty, so i wont b around to celebrate christmas. initially i tot it was a bad thing, but now, come to tink of it, its actually a blessing. ^_^

Wah... so fast monday liaoz... time realli flies sia, new yr is juz round the corner... hehe.. veri soon it will b 2005... they always say new yr must make a wish, n do u know wat i realli want? Hehe... I dun tink will come true lah, so nvm lah.. ^_^.. Now im veri bored n lifeless, simply because im veri broke now... money reali makes the world goes round.... Watever it is, im went singing yesterday, so im quite happy inside, though im now a poorer fellow... Later must book in liao lor... saturday got christmas duty somemore, im realli unlucky nowadays leh, wtf is the guy up in the skies doing ah? Hopefully he bless me with more money nxt yr sia. $_$

Hi, im here to update again loh!! Wahaha, nowadays veri rarely update liaoz, im kinda busy nowadays.. hmm...The wind seems to b blowing my way nowadays... or is it i have learned to c things in a entirely different light? hehe.. after coming back from wallaby, i came to realise the true meaning of quite a number of things... Things happen for a reason, n the reason will not b known till fate allows u to. Wat seems bad might not b so after all, n similarly, wat's good might not b so after all. ^_^ The journey of life is always a cycle, wat goes around WILL come around, though time is always an uncertainty in such events. If u tink i copy all these from some chimalogy book hor, then sorry lor, all these r from my heart. hehe *_*. I also learned tat sometimes, anger will blind logic which will lead to u doing something realli wrong. Always try to c things in other ppl's viewpoint too, im not a goody-two-shoes, but i have enough substance left in my brain to c tis point. hmm, Im also trying to b nice to other ppl liaoz, i was realli hostile last time, but its being good to ppl is better, i juz feel better smiling at ppl lah. ^_^. All in all, i guess wat im experiencing now is the term they call maturity, i realli tink n feel like a adult now. One thing has not changed though, my dreams n aspirations r still intact. I wanna start my own company at 25, earn my millions n retire at 35 so tat i can bring my wife to c the world. I love travelling, even more so if im travelling with the one n only. *_* I know it sounds crazy n far-fetched, maybe im childish, maybe im silly, but i can always fall back on my heart n tell myself tat i will make all these true. i once met a gal who shares these dreams with me, we used to tok all day about our dreams... but fate juz didnt allow us to b together... So, im now at the first step of my dream liaoz, once i ORD, i will forge a career n start raking in the cash to fulfill it. ^_^

WAhahah... finally, pay day came n i juz went to pay the stewpid bill liaoz.. hehe..good thing sia, finally back online liaoz... hmm, wat to say leh... Yesterday i went to the 5566 n cyndi wang's concert. i was sitting at the front row at the VIP seat too, once again i wanna thank jennifer for the fr33 tickets from her uncle!! ^_^ Nowadays hor,the young gals r realli crazy one sia, they were like shouting at the top of thier lungs juz behind me n i nearly went deaf...-_-"" But i do c lotsa babes there though, they were damn fine gals. Well,lets not tok about gals shall we? hehe. The concert wasnt realli impressive, i would much rather went to jay zhou's concert... im quite a big fan of tat guy, though i wont scream my head off when i c him.. (guys r usaully more composed in tis type of things...) Sianz sia, tomolo i will b missing again, im going for a field camp for 3 days, so though my net's back, i wont b online -_-. But guess wat, i finally picked myself up n went back to wat i realli love most---> boxing! hehe.. yeah, i know im fat n i dun look like it, but i realli love boxing. im also training again, which means i should b losing some weight soon enough (if nothing goes wrong lah..) Im not a violent man though, i always believe wat i practice is only for leisure, not to bully ppl lor... i've seen blade trinity n im veri veri impressed with hannibal king's bod! i wanna train so tat i will look like him...( try lah, i nvr say must mah... -_-) I tink tat's all im writing lah, i gonna go back bunk sleep liaoz, tomolo must wake up early somemore... ^_^.. nitez!!!

Haiz... nbz... my internet connection cut off tat's y nvr update for soooooo long... -_-"
anyway, life is more or less ok now lah... my brothers n sisters went to malaysia liaoz, n my mum's alone at home while im in camp. im not a realli filial kid but i still am worried bout her...hmm... last sat i went clubbing with the dudes n bitches, we didnt have a whole lot of fun but its still enjoyable lor... i remember we could'nt finish the martell, so we kinda distributed the remaining to our frendz nxt table. C, we r good guyz after all yeah? ^_^. When we finally finished with our 'charity' work, we still have a jar of vodka lime left. guess who swallowed the whole jar?? hehe.. But tat nite, i was quite sad realli... im trying to shun away n dun contact her tat much, while in my heart im still worried sick about her. i realli wanted call her, but i juz cant do it... the feeling realli sux, the whole nite i've been tinking of her...dun condemn me as a coward immediately, if u r in my shoes u will feel the hopelessness of tis whole thing. believe me, u seriously dun wanna go there. T_T . Deep inside me, i know n am veri certain i can give her happiness, but the gist of the problem is whether she WOULD give me a chance or not. Im not prepared to ask her a second time though, it juz isnt viable at tis stage.
Lets go on to another topic shall we? ^_^. the new year is round the corner, have u decided on a new yr resolution? My resolution is to go back to doing wat i realli like best. Boxing. hehe.. i dun seem like it but i love boxing... the sweat n the training involve is so interesting tat u nvr wanted to stop except for fear of dying from exaustion. every jab n straight u put out symbolises the will to continue the fight... the hook n uppercut epitomes the final cut to the ensuing battle. tat's wat i call classic. ^_^ . Its mostly for self defense though, i dun believe in hitting other people for the sake of hitting him.( except for cases where my frend is being bullied lah, im veri protective of those i call my true frendz... ^_^) I tink tis mth's mood outlook for me is blue n gloomy, unless someone comes along n proof otherwise...(u know who u r..^_^)

Whew, juz got back home from camp... i am VERI VERI tired...zzz... yesterday nite got 'someone' call me at 11pm n we toked till 4.30am in the morning hor? u know who u r lah, still gei siao...-_-" But surprisingly she called me after nearly one yr sia... I realli didnt know tat we can still tok like best frendz after so long sia, its as if like we never stopped contacting each other before... hmm... is it tat we r juz simply extremely talkative ppl? :P i guess wat's past is past between us ba... time realli does wonders... i realli tot it was impossible to forget her, but i guess i finally am ready to accept her as a normal frend ba. I feel like a shackle have finally been removed from my heart after so long... Im finally a free flying soul again... T_T. But i am veri afraid now, because we r getting close again, wat if the fire is revived in my heart? Wat if i fall in love with her again? Wat if she again smash my heart to smithereens again? Haiz... my mind is realli rolling around now... T_T i know all tis cannot be helped, i've got to sort out these things myself lah. Life always seems to b a cycle, the past will always have ways to catch up with u. Im realli stuck now, should i continue to let nature run its flow n risk the danger or should i always leave a gap between us? Tis is a question tat i have no answers to, do you have the answers?

Sad day sia... i juz found out one of my best buddy's naval diver frend is going after the angel. haiz... i guess good things always wont belong to me ba.. hehe.. life's like tat ba... im not feeling tat good now. T_T i guess the same thing is happening again... i always c the same thing repeating itself... Maybe i wasnt realli allowed the privilege of knowing good gals ba... i know it seems impossible for a good gal to b without suitors, but im juz a fat-fark lah, how to fight with ppl??? Ppl always say tis say tat one, but i believe in 'what will b will b, wat wont b will nvr be'... maybe its realli time i lost some weight ba, i dun realli feel happy carrying around 10 extra kg. I know im cute, but cute got wat fark use? Cannot earn money one leh.. So u tink i should try to go after the angel? Or should i juz fark off one corner? i realli tink i should choose option 2 because i realli dun wanna b hurt again. Corinne dealt enough damage liaoz, i dun realli wanna put my head on the chopping board again... T_T... If u tink im a fat-fark with zero self-confidence, guess wat? u r rite man... hehe.. i should have known better ba... (maybe i belong to the under-privileged club of guys hor?)... I dun know got ppl read my blog one anot leh, but if got hor, u can dun need wish me luck liaoz, havent start i alreadi lost the battle liaoz...T_T... (feeling VERY VERY low morale now...T_T)

Hehe, now nothing to do, so im updating another entry into tis blog..^_^.. It seems life is getting a bit better for me.. i got to know a veri interesting gal yesterday nite in MSN.. hmm, i found her on frendster n i juz casually added her in MSN.. nvr did i know wat a good gal she was.. She happened to b online yesterday nite, so i juz chatted with her to know her more. She turned out to be quite a good N pleasant gal, she's veri polite n she score quite high in the looks department too :P... I was kind of taken by surprise because nowadays gals like her r RARE treasure, N the best news is tat she's SINGLE!! hehe... though tat doesnt means i have a chance, but at least finally i found a unattached GOOD gal... hehe... i didnt try to get her mobile number though, i wanted to know her better... one of the best qualities i liked bout her is the fact tat she likes singing KTV like me, i know it sounds silly, but i realli need a gal who loves to sing with me so i can enjoy singing with her. ^_^
But she also likes outdoor sports, n my only love is body-building.. haiz.. i guess we could'nt b perfect after all. Personality-wise hor, she score full marks... i find her extremely kind n gentle (though i only spoke to her once lah, but im a good character judge..i tink...). Now im waiting for her to come online lah... i realli wanna know her better, but i dun know bout her... a gal like her should have alot of suitors, but fark it lor, i die die also wanna try lor... Angela, if u r reading tis, yes, its about u. I tink i wanna try to get along with u... if ur not then juz wish me luck lor. i always seem to have bad luck with gals lah, so at least pray for me lah... hehe...(i guess ppl must move on after all, its not tat i dun like u-know-who anymore lah. U should know tat u have a place, but now its slowly being overwhelmed by an Angel... hehe ^_^)

Woohoo, long time nvr update liaoz.. hehe... i juz returned from australia bout 4 days ago, then i've been busy tidying up my pig sty cause the new yr's round the corner!! hehe... Australia was not so fun though... the exercise is silly n boring... If u have a kangaroo poo fetish then u should b there man, kangaroo shit is ALL around the place. Its kinda funny cause it doesnt stinks, but it does attract a MULTITADE of flies of all assorted sizes N colours... The damn flies bite n can u believe they r the size of ur toes??!! Kaoz... The sun there is also VERY VERY strong, i got fried there, tat more or less explains it. hmm... But the greatest enemy there is loneliness, its damn bad cause u dun get to c ur loved ones. im fine with being independant a stuff, but can u imagine the feeling u get when u look around n find tat all ur mates in the tentages r tinking of their family or girlfrends tat they left behind in singapore juz to take part in a silly exercise???!! haiz... its true for me too, i recalled something realli sad in the past... i guess she wont b reading tis so its safe to write it here ba, i dun want her to tink im advertising or something, its juz to make me feel better ^_^ ....
----> We were realli good frendz from the start, i juz tot tat maybe i juz have a crush on her... but it all changed when we went out together... her mentality n personality to me was made in heaven... she's such a perfect gal in my heart... As time goes along, we got very close but the way we c tis is veri different... She juz tot of me as a best frend whereas i truly loved her... i knew wat i felt was not realli rite since she's already attached, but who cares? i juz love her. Simple as tat. But i didnt want to put her in a spot, so i juz did wat i could to give her the best i can as a frend... whenever i went shopping with her, i will secretly remember everything she likes n try my best to give it to her as a gift... dun ask me how i did it, i juz have a good memory. ^_^ As i always told her, nothing matters as long as she's happy. I realli feel tat way... im not being noble or wat, but whenever i c her smile, the world seems to stop spinning. My heart certainly bled when she called me one nite n she cried, her boyfrend juz scolded her for oversleeping, her reason is VERY valid though i dun wanna write it here. When i hear her cry, i also wanna cry too... dun laugh lah, its how i feel leh. __ (-_-) __ Her boyfrend was more of a jerk than anything in tis world, but wat am i to tell her the truth? im nothing more then a frend to her remember? I enlisted during tat time period, n since i have less time outside, u would tink tat it would juz die off yeah? But we're wrong, i spent nearly all my weekends with her N we had a realli strong n deep understanding of each other by then ( i tink...). Then after my BMT, i almost spent all my 14 days of block leave with her... so u c, with so much time together, i obviously fell madly in love with her, but atlast, she's attached n my mum taught me NOT to snatch ppl's gal, so there... (T_T) i was waiting for the time to come when she's single again... i even made plans n prepared the things i was going to do for her when the rite time comes... i plan to light-up her block with light bulbs ( got colour one lah) n juz show her whole neighbourhood tat she thoroughly deserves all tis im doing for her... then im suppose to blindfold her n bring her to a ferris wheel (the big big wheel machine u c in theme parks...) N remove the blindfold to tell her how much i realli love her when the wheel got to the highest point...... i know it seems far-fetch lah, but im a veri romance-minded creature, i still have the plans with me.. hehe... Anyway, all tat nvr went into action, after she broke off with her boyfrend, she changed. N guess who's left out in the cold??? yeah, tat's me. ^_^ She started to keep a distance from me n seldom reply my msgs n calls... aiya, all those standard procedures tat gals do to tell a guy to go home plant potatoes lah... I obviously is veri confuse mah, so i tried to look for her lor. Finally i found her in ICQ one nite...i tried to tok to her, but she juz gave me 1 word answers (another standard stuff tat gals do..-_-") until i buay tahan. i juz told her the truth there n then. Well, all hell broke loose from there, she gave me a barrage of VERY NASTY stuffs which utterly tore me to bits (literally lah, u tink she wolverine meh? -_-) . I realli cant believe tat im realli nothing in her heart after all tat i've done for her...(now i believe liaoz, so long liaoz, still dun get it meh? kaoz ) Then we juz like 'communication breakdown' from then on lor.... me tat time realli sian sia, life machiam standstill for me liaoz... haiz, its juz too sudden for me then lah... put urself in my shoes lah,how would U feel?? Duh -_-. But it was a lesson well taught... sometimes in life, no matter wat u do for a gal, she might not appreciate it at all... EVEN if u realli tried ur best... haiz... In australia, all these kept replaying in my head till i realli sianz... i SUPER low morale over there sia, but i tink tat kinda did me some good.. i realli sorted out stuffs there, now im living again. hehe, things aint so bad after all mah... there's always calm after a storm, so it applies to life too... *_* Im now a free soul again, though i shall 4ever carry the scars with me till the day i close my eyes for good.... ^_^... I realli hope that she can give me a chance lah, im always leaving the door open for her...even now it remains open for her... (i realli tink im wasting my time, if she will come back then she early come back loh, y wait till now rite?? kaoz... im a hopeless idiot sia...).

So u c, tat is a brief account of wat happened lah.. if i go in detail then i will nvr finish tis thing. WOO.. tat feels SOOOO good... finally i let out wat i've been thru (my side of the story lah..maybe her side got twist leh?) I sincerely hope she wont c tis, if not i sure ganna blackmark till i die, she sure say i doing advertisement for some charity organisation one... -_-"" N if u r reading tis, DUN tell ppl k?? Promise? thks ^_^

hahaha, i juz got home from a nite's out at Angel Reborn... hehe.. i drank quite a lot and yet im still typing tis entry... hehe, im quite sober in fact... hmm, anyway, there's tis gal tat went with me to angel's N she's actually quite cute... but one of my frends is interested in her.. he keeps toking to her all nite... i realli liked her, but since one of my bro's like her.. well i juz give her to him lor... i dun mean tat the gal's like a 'thing'.... but since tat guy's one of my bro.. i will willingly give her up to him.. hehe... tat's the extend of my brotherhood to those whom i deem as my brothers... *_*.. u might tink im stupid or silly but tat's the way i am.. brotherhood above lust.. ^_^... But she is REALLI cute though... hahahaha ^_^

Dark day today is... haiz.. im suppose to go for an exercise at wallaby in australia... i realli dun wanna go... but im forced to go. damn sianz sia. i guess its fated la, so i die die suck thumb go lor... im going on 29th tis mth, so adios ppl.. i b back on 23 nov. *_*

wah, today is a chaotic day sia... there's tis crazy guy tat wanna commit suicide sia. He went back himself since the doctor is not around mah, then the DO called and kao pei kao bu, say we not professional... kaoz... i was realli wondering did he realli use his farking brains anot, the guy went back HIMSELF, so its not my frend's fault mah... The silly ass keeps on glabbering about how my frend chased him back... im like, COME ON, tat damn guy's crazy! So there's the possibility that the dumb fark will go back himself yeah?.. but the childish DO named Anthony was so damn stupid.. haiz... but nvm, our doctors stand by us, so nothing will happen to my frend luckily... whew, that feels so much better. hmm, sorri but i dun discriminate crazy ppl, its ppl who ACT crazy tat makes me so pissed off.. i tink tat's enough for a day, it quite a happening day though... -_-

juz got home from camp... tired sia, todae so much happened in camp... my warrant went overseas liaoz, then people start to bully my unit's guys liaoz, everthing also arrow us, kaoz, they're assholes man. anyway, i've applied for google's ads alreadi, so if u feel kind enough, pls juz go click around those cute ads. thks. *_*

whew, now already morning liaoz... hahaha, i got thru the nite without any trouble. Todae shall b a good day.. hahaha. *_* kinda tired after yesterday's duty, basically sleep thru the whole night. lalala.. ^_^... tat's all i guess. 0_0

Haiz...sianz... nothing to do now, bored to tears... anyway juz listened to the radio when i heard one of the songs tat i hate the most... duh... eyes on me by faye wong... i nearly died listening to it... faye wong juz suck.. _!_ (-_-) _!_ but they did read some realli touching letters of some gals who was ditched by some guy and some guy ditched by some gals... haiz... personally i tink gals ALWAYS suffer more when they're ditched. although im a guy, i still realli feel for gals tat were ditched, especially when they had alreadi given the guy 'it' liaoz... But, in the end there's always jerks and faggots living in the world tat pollutes society. Duh, come to tink of it, it is tis ppl tat wakes up the idea n teaches the gals to treasure sincere guyz better yeah? now tat's some food for thought...hmm....(?_?)

Whew, todae doing duty in camp... im damn tired. zzz but my mood's quite gd though. Anyway, tis is kinda like a diary thingy so im going to write like its a diary. hmm, where shall i start? Well, i woke up in the morning, then brush teeth wash face bla bla bla... after tat, i came to camp to do duty. now in the afternoon im here typing tis entry. hmm, wonder what will happen later in the evening?...

Hi!! Im new to blogging, so my site might b a bit lousy...hehe