All by Myself

Celine Dion

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone
Livin alone
I think of all the friends Ive known
When I dial the telephone
Nobodys home

All by myself
Dont wanna be
All by myself
Anymore

Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure
And loves so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
Dont wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Dont wanna live
All by myself
Anymore

When I was young
I never needed anyone
Making love was just for fun
Those days are gone

All by myself
Dont wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Dont wanna live
Oh
Dont wanna live
By myself, by myself
Anymore
By myself
Anymore
Oh
All by myself
Dont wanna live
I never, never, never
Needed anyone

Jason's : Its all fated. Nothing i can do about it. =)

Binge Binge Binge

Heh. Let it be then. Tch.

And so, the casino story yeah? I simply discovered a document describing a bug in the online casino roulette system. The exact methods and system of betting, i wont write down here, in case the more adventurous ones among u peeps go and try.

I gathered some cash from one other fren, and started on my little adventure with US$60. Before i started with real money, i actually tested the system in practice-play mode for 1 week. It worked perfectly. And when i tried with real money, the system indeed drew extraordinary rewards. I spent 2 hrs applying the system, and my bank balance was US$350. From then on, i played bigger bets, on the second day, my balance was US$600+.

And then suddenly in the middle of the nite, i woke up tinking of upping the stack to US$1000 before cash out all the winnings. Then it happened, the system failed. And no matter what ever bet i place, i lost, even if the probability is extremely little. And so i realised, somebody was purposely manipulating the results to make me lose. Hurhur. But nvm, its a good experience anyways, im just down by US$30 anyways. So much for the scamming experience eh? heh. =)

Yep, i was vexed, and infact i am still vexed. But wat to do, u cant be un-vexed suddenly. Went to eat steamboat todae with mee kia and ah wei they all, after which we went to a lan shop to play Battlefield 2.

The lan shop trip turned all of us back to the time we were kids still playing in Flying Cows in jurong point. We laughed, we giggled, we were all grown guys, yet still so childish when we're playing a game. We toked crap, crack seriously-dumb jokes and kinda crash-and-burned every single vehicle in the game. hahahass, i realli miss those days when i was still a kid and kinda game every single day in the lan shop. lol.

And i binged todae, on sweets and chocolates and all the sinful stuffs. I tink its alrite to let urself go once awhile, just enjoy life and food as they are. Seeing the world in a tranquil view have diminished my fire completely, my temper is nearly none existent now. Tulan also like tat, smile also like tat. A smile definitely looks better then a black face. so ya, goody goody 2 shoes goddy. =)

Ah well, its never too late to discover who are the frens u cherish the most. Life is a journey of rediscovery, go dig the stack of shits in ur room, and u always find something that brings back some fond memories of your younger days. Im a veri sentimental person, so i keep memorable junks and rubbishes.

I cant help but keep smiling foolishly at my monitor now as i type down this entry, i dun kw why. Im laughing at myself infact. hahaass, dumb fellow. lol.

Cars. Its getting to me man. All the things we guys tok about when we gather is Gals, Cars, Reservist, Army, Money. Gals, i dun have, so dun need tok so much. Reservist, i have, but i dun wan, so lan lan must tok about it. Money, dun have, so needa seek advice on how to earn it. But cars, its a liability, but still i realli realli wanna get a RX8. Hahahass, not sensible and totally contra-productive finance wise, but it looks REALLI nice leh. wah lan.

I used to tink the money could be invested and bla bla bla, so i dun realli fancy the idea of getting a car. Yet times change, people change, i would seriously consider getting a car when i have the means to support it comfortably. Comfortably means not having to scrimp and save on basic necessities, having the extra cash to burn. If i have a car now, i can drive out and chill in some abandoned elevated area overlooking the cityscape of singapore. You know, kinda drive out and sort things out in ur mind?

Oh, and before i go, i feel blood leaking out from my back. I wondered who did it. hmms...

Jason's : Du Gu Wu Di.

Jason Lam Sin Siong

Weak in roadwork, need to improve.
Not blessed, never been blessed.
Safely survived 25 yrs.

Pretty boy? no. face too big.
Rugged hunk? no. too white.
rich? no. in fats, yes.
talents? none. unless talentless count as one.
intelligent? no. i wont be bloggin this shit if i am.
charismatic? no. cant tok sensibly.
fit? no. perm failure in ippt.


<=Memorable Events=>

Tried to scam a casino, got discovered and counter-scammed.

A bird shit dropped on the head during flag lowering session in primary 5.

Ball hit face during secondary school soccer competition. Functioning as a goal keeper. Concussed.

Got a uppercut during a basketball match during poly days, concussed and knocked out for 10 secs.

Tripped on a tent line during primary 6 scout camp. Fell flat on my face, ate dirt and got winded for 30 secs. Thought its the end of my 12 yrs of life.

Countered a flying kick by a male classmate in primary 6. Inflicted substantial damage to opponent to warrant his mum to come fuck me upside down in class.

Blushed like a tomato when the gal of my dreams toked to me in sec 1.

Performed on stage in guangzhou during a overseas holiday trip with my relatives. was primary 4.

Started listening to CDs onli during sec 2. First CD bought was Daniel Chan Xiao Dong's 'Tie Xin'.

Heavily involved in guy-ish nonsense of every type from cards to fights in starting from sec 3.

Became proud and egoistic from primary 6. Arrogant and cocky.

Extremely irritating during sec 4. Was at the peak of childish-ness. Listed in alot of ppl's top ten killable lists.

Learnt to tone down in the Army. Looked back and realised im fucked up in every sense.

Tried to sabo a sgt during BMT phrase. Got extra exercise for that. Oh well, i became fitter than.

Picked up boxing during sec 2. Influenced by my uncle. Did not take professional lessons.

Became extremely interested in martial arts during sec 3. That explains the increased amount of fights and explosive temper during that period.

Became a chicken in poly and started to research more on martial arts and music.

Joined Ngee Ann Poly Strings to learn guitar. Main purpose was to cheat gals. In the end plan backfired, got cheated by 3 gals in a row.

Joined Dragon boat. Forced to retire within 3 sessions by programming lecturer after scoring 28 upon 100 points for my mid yr exams.

Had fun watching dragon boat seniors fight in the buff in the toilet. Rubbish bin and other variable tools were employed in the match.

Pukes clear hydrochloric acid after the first 3km run during the first trainin session.

Smashed my right fist and got a hairline fracture in my knuckle during boxing training. Took 1 years to recover. Add 1 more year for slacking.



And the list goes on, i will continue this interesting list when i feel like it. ( Its interesting to me, though it might not be to you people.)

Jason's : Do not scam casinos. Trust me.

传说

Let me tell u people a legend. A legend of a man, whose pride and ego soars above all logic and reason. A man that never listens to people, who can not take advice, to him, advice is an insult.

Oh ya, before i continue on this story, a frendly reminder to you peeps out there, do not eat papaya seeds. I learnt from this cooking program that teaches u to chop the seeds up and eat it with the papaya, they say its good for health and digestion, i say tiu na seng. The seeds sucked and i swear never ever to eat papaya with the seeds again, chopped or not chopped. Tiu na seng.

Okays, back to the story, when people give u advice, its for ur own good. I know advice can be good or bad, but if 3 people tells you there is a better way to do things, the probability of 3 person being rite as per you alone being rite is higher rite? Though there are obstacles that supposingly impede you implementation of this advice, do understand that those are part and parcel of the journey to rich-dom ( yes, i invented this word. )

All in all, the reason why this legend's fren is so agitated is because they're true frends, if he's just some roadside fucktart, why the hell will he bother? Noone wanna see their fren walk down a route of no return.

The details of this legendary incident, i shall not say much, cause i dun wanna spread shit all around. If you peeps get wat i mean.

Okays, enough of prep talk stories, now lets go on to my fav, training progress. Dropped another 1, but i need one more to hit target. I do not tink i look any different in the mirror, but the scale isnt lying, i double checked it. Im doing weights and cardio now, cardio consists of a short run and a long stroll around my neighbourhood. Weights wise im doing at home (yeap, i have eqmt at home.) around 2 times per week when im cash-strapped, or the gym when money is in town. hurhurs.

Toking bout neighbourhood strolls, its actually the most interesting part of my training regime. Why? Because u get to see the facets of life around your estate, let me quote some examples. Once i saw 2 banglas french-ing, yes, u heard rite, french-ing. I saw other grosser stuffs, think dun describe ba. heh.

So, back to my so-called training, im planning to buy a kettle-bell to train the cores muscles used for combat, rather then simply old skool weights to target shape and tone. This urge is thanks to kert, nb he told me he's now training with a kettle-bell and all the benefits he's reaping from it. Stronger muscles, lighter weight anybody? Wow. But its costly lah, ccb a 24kg kettle-bell costs around $150. Nb expensive sia.

Anyways, not bad lah, the lard is burning off slowly. I realli wanna speed up the process, but this kinda stuff cannot gan jiong one, once u gan jiong, might turn out like my sec skool fren, he tore his muscle and cant exercise for like 6 mths? Wow, mighty pain.

Im not your hunk or watsoever lah, just a guy trying his best to train hard for once in his life. Its not realli that hard realli, but i do have to force myself to pluck that ass up and go do something. Yet the satisfaction that u get after each training session is out of the world.

Oh, last thing before i go. I was praying hard ytd nite, realli hard. hmms...

Jason's : Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner. ( From the movie '21' )

T.N.S

People, im getting realli bored this holidays. Jobs need a 3 mth contractual period, and those that have no time span, is not my kinda job. Giving flyers, selling credit cards, i have enough of all those. Talked alot with mee kia these days, though we crap 90% of the time, we both did toked bout our future.

Mee kia's family isnt so well to do, but his relatives are all successful ppl. He has aunts in Hong Kong, London, Japan and Australia, and therefore he plans to go work overseas when he finishes his NS. Yes, his aunts and uncles are mostly foreigners. heh.

Whether i have relatives overseas anot, i also dun realli kw, but i tink its realli kinda fun to have overseas relatives, cause u can visit them when u're backpacking around the world. I once said i will wanna take up photography if i have the extra cash to burn. Photo-journalism style, a picture tells a thousand stories, and i wanna travel around the world to capture people's hearts and souls, smiles and grief, all under one album.

If i have the talent and the chance, i will definitely open a photography exhibition, where i can show people my works and hopefully bring them to the feel what i felt when i took each and every picture. To me, a picture is not juz a piece of plastic with colors and stuffs, a picture is a crystallization of time, each and every picture tells a emotional story, some of happiness, some of sadness. How many times have u smiled when u see a funny picture of ur past?

The fire in me, has finally settled down. I feel i wont drift around so much anymore, i had 25 yrs of drifting, so its time i settle down somewhere. Attached or not, not that important, as long as i stick to feeling for just 1 person. I need to find the break in life, the event that will make a man somebody. Or in short, a way to get rich.

I watched PROPOSAL DAITATSUKEN, and i feel the storyline behind this jap drama is realli meaningful. The theme song itself holds alot of meaning, there are somethings u have to treasure now when u have them, things change, people change, what is unchanged is the time u spent with them in the past. I know this sounds kinda emo, but im not lah, just stating a fact.

View life with a wider perspective, and you will see a that a greater horizon exist beyond ur little view span. A veri sad fact is, no matter you live or u die, the world stills revolves, no matter who u are. Therefore though they say those great men changed the world, but i still think they simply died, and we have to find a reason to explain how come the world is still spinning. Contradictory? yeah, wat to do, im like tat sometimes. sigh.

Im crapping alot this entry, because who reads all this shit man? Just me i tink, heh. So if u do chanced upon this blog of mine, bear with me, i like to blog nonsense. =)

Where does my significance lie? I guess being significant isnt that easy for me. hahass..

And this song, tells the story of a man's life. Not my life as yet, im living too well to live up to this song, and i dun even have gal to call my own, so ya, i dun qualify.

一起走过的日子

如何面对曾一起走过的日子
现在剩下我独行
如何让心声一一讲你知
从来无人明白我
唯一你给我好日子
有你有我有情有生有死有义

多少风波都愿闯
只因彼此不死的目光
有你有我有情有天有海有地
不可猜测总有天意
才珍惜相处的日子
道别话亦未多讲
只抛低这个伤心的汉子

沉沉睡了谁分享今生的日子
活着但是没灵魂
才明白生死之间的意思
情浓完全明白了
才甘心披上孤独衣
有你有我有情有天有海有地

当天一起不自知
分开方知根本心极痴
有你有我有情有生有死有义
只想解释当我不智
如今想倾诉讲谁知
剩下绝望旧身影
今只得千亿伤心的句子

Oh, before i forget, its a canto song, so those that dun understand canto, u can read the chinese wordings =). And i tink i need to tell this to everyone : "We realli cannot defeat fate."

Jason's : 天意难违。

Dad

Its been sometime since my last entry. Alot has been going thru my mind as usual. A few things are actually quite obvious, and i do think i need to rectify those aspects of my current life.

When a dad has to buy his own cake on father's day, that goes to show he alreadi expected his kids to not buy a cake for him and it also shows he wanna celebrate father's day with his kids. But the dad is a man of few words, who cares for his kids silently behind their backs and provides for them.

Yes its true he made mistakes in the past, yes its true he did hurtful things to the family, but who doesnt make mistakes in life, who doesnt learn thru experience? A man who knows how to turn back and return to the correct path, is a man who will gain my respect. Someone who wanna picks up the pieces and return to his family, is someone i will truly call a father.

And this year's father's day, i reminded my siblings to get my dad presents. He is after all, the man who sweats and slogs all day at work just to support my siblings and me. And as a guy, i understand we usually dun realli know how to express love explicitly for loved ones, our way of caring is subtle, but its there. =)

Training wise, things are starting to look better, and i need to force myself to get back to the low carb diet. Im kinda addicted to fish noodle soup these days, dun kw why. hurhur. End of the day, its crucial that i revert to the diet again, because the lard wont burn if i dun do something bout the shit i put into my mouth. heh.

Romance wise, i tink its realli realli obvious. There's something that i wanna say, but after thinking thru, i shouldnt be so absolute in my declarations. Wat do i wanna say? Simple, i wanted to tell u guys that i found somebody that i like from the bottom of my heart. Yet the maturity gained from the past experiences persuades me to retain abit of doubt.

The simplicity, the forth-rightness and in-your-face-with-nothing-to-hide attitude, that's one of the many stuffs that make her unique. It goes to show that if u realli patiently observe and understand somebody, be it explicitly or implicitly, you will realised a person's true nature. Although i dun kw how she realli thinks, im veri sure about how i feel.

Like i said in all my previous posts, chances are veri low, even pathetic. Yet something keeps telling me to at least do something about it, dun just dismiss it as impossible like everybody else. Im willing to spend time to learn more about her, so why not go the distance and reach the finish line?

Ah well, say, who also can say, its the actions that matters. Im trying to do the practical part these days, not just theory. I just hope i wont be a disturbance, i dun wanna end up being some irritating dick that informally terrorizes someone that i realli like. hahahas!

Jason's : I was realli happy. realli realli happy. =)

Midpoint

Its a big question mark rite now. I also dun know. Diam diam follow my heart and see how fate decides. Meant to be, will be. Not meant to be, life goes on.

Currently living the life of a homey vagrant. Yes, the phrase is metophorical, but its true, im simply rotting at home watching dramas this holidays. And of course still trying hard to start the 30 day low carb regime. Its kinda hard man, cause its the festive dumpling festival and so many programs to go to. Todae is monday, and i told myself enough is enough, time to train and continue the program. U want something? Then work hard for it. Simple.

Tomolo i will wake up early to go train. Yup. Will drag myself to the gym if it comes to it. Bit by bit, i know this is what i want, and this is part and parcel of getting there. I keep reminding myself that i dun wanna be a NATO, so i have to do my best this time.

And my favourite song is Whatever They Say. =)

Jason's : Im serious. Realli serious.

Passion-ology

We aint so different after all. Thats all i can say.

Life itself is a contradictory existence, and that kinda explains my contradictory nature. At least i hope that explains it.

Hands, one of the most sensitive and most affectionate part of any human being. I once read a email entitled ' do not hold hands easily'. The mail toks about the significance of holding hands, and the abuse of it. Why would u hold the hands of somebody u dun like in the first place? Sympathy? Sometimes people aint tinking right, that's what i realized.

The world is ending soon, with all kinds of disasters happening around the world. From the china quakes to the myanmar cyclones to the europe lighting storms. Slowly we see the repercussions for the damage mankind did to earth. We definitely top the list of deadliest animals on earth, we kill more stuffs then any other animals in the world, and best thing is we are killing earth itself. Wow, im kinda amazed by how powerful and reckless we've became.

Im not a go-green kinda person, but i do identify with the damage we've done and the end that's eminent. With all the movements on saving the earth and saving gaia going on and on, i still believe its too late to remedy the damage lah, if its gonna end, we cant stop it. So i live my life as per normal and hope that ah-ma-gei-don doenst happen in my lifetime. =)

Okays, now about something damn childish. Have you ever imagined urself in a end-of-the-world situation like the world is over-runned by zombies etc? I do have this kinda of imagination sometimes, sound dumb lah i know, but its kinda interesting leh. Its like u're living in those post apocalyptic world and u are trying to survive. I always wake up damn scared being chased by zombies. hahahass, come on, give me some credit for being so creative even in my sleep yeah? hahasss!

Jason's : Its better to regret something you have done, then to regret something u havent.

Tale of a Happy Man

Todae was a great day. got my results, safely tided thru this semester. woohoo, the night before i was having nightmares of failing my Prices and Markets. This time around, im not a miracle maker after all, cause it takes a miracle to fail P&M like what kert says. hurhur

Will be forcing myself to continue the regime tomolo, cause i slacked enough for a week le. This time its gonna last 30 days. the 14 day period did wonders for me, so im gonna go 30 days tis time. Tuna in water is fucking smelly i tell u, but wat to do, suffer abit nvm one lah. =)

Went for a career talk todae, which wasnt quite i expected. I was late, and i apologized publicly and sincerely because i watch too much jap dramas and i kinda adopted their SUPER strong sense of manners. Once settled down, the speaker starts to speak garbage, not total garbage lah, but toks about things that a tertiary student most prob alreadi knew. I know its kinda ungrateful of me to comment on a free talk sponsored by some government agency, but it REALLI sux.

The speaker has no charisma, cracks BAD jokes, keeps pushing his logic on us and all in all, sucked as a speaker. Sigh, he should have stayed a behind-the-scene banker. Thinking back, im not a good speaker as well, so shouldnt i assess myself before commenting on others? =)

Tomolo shall be catching up with corinne, heard something happened to her and she quit her job. Im always the listening ear whenever my frens need me. hurhurs, and im proud of that. People tok to you because they trust u. But the trust i wan most is the trust from 'her', i realli like her alot man. (not corinne hor, dun be mistaken.)

When the money starts rolling in, things will start changing. I wanna get a 40 inch LCD TV installed on my wall infront of my bed, connected to my PC. So that i can watch dramas from my PC in the comfort of my bed! And then maybe go IKEA buy some artsy sofa to cuddle up in. I will change my room's furniture to either black or white, kinda gives the zen feeling, with my favourite chinese calligraphies hanging on the walls. Simple, yet elegent zen decoration with a touch of oriental literature. Not forgetting a mini-fridge to store my chilled plain water! Aiseh, i realli kw how to enjoy life sia. hurhur.

In the event im still a bachelor by the time i graduate ( most prob will be so, from the looks of it), i will spend my money on stuffs that guys love most. For me, its a BMW Z4 roadster, a closet full of Mont Blac Shirts, a few Tag Heuer watches, a assortment of ties and RAyban sunglasses etc. Not forgetting my Aramis Men's Lab facial care series! Oh yeah, the metropolitan working class man. hahahass , dreaming about stuffs is so nice dun cha tink?

ah well, lets not tink too far ba, im juz a poor undergraduate struggling with studies, money and a gal currently. hahahasss, dumb me.

jason's : hearto ~~ <3