always be my baby

Tired, but long time nvr update, so update here abit.

stress, fat, poor. me.

sad. but. true.

anyways im happy, for now.

the. end.

the one about the satisfying first job!

Hey peeps, was too busy to update these days. hahah. Started work in OCBC, was veri happy with the job and i learnt tons of things this 3 weeks. All aspects of life is good, although its abit tiring. Nxt wed getting my veri first pay, and i have alreadi planned how to spend it. lolx.

After going thru intensive courses on structured deposits, unit trusts and other investment and banking facilities, i realli have a concrete interests in banking. I tink i learnt more this 3 weeks, then what i learnt in my uni education, pertaining to banking that is. Went thru some induction sessions last week, and i guess they do paint a realli nice picture. Lets just hope the actual stuffs is realli as they painted it ba. =)

Xh and weihao they all came over to play mahjong with me last saturday, and surprisingly i won. Maybe its the happiness exuding from me cause i passed my M9 on friday evening. Wahahaha! I was genuinely happy to have finally found a good job, have good training colleagues and a strong passion for the career infront of me.

I do hope i can adhere and learn all the regulations and compliances required for sale of products and earn some dough. My career path is to hold down my position for 2 yrs, after which i shall get my MBA, and then apply for mgmt associate position and finally get into senior mgmt. Sounds far fetched i kw, cause i might jump banks for all i kw, hell i might not even survive 3 mths before getting fired. lolx

So now life is kind to me, and i did meet someone interesting enough to stir me up abit. But lets see how things go, deep inside, im still ...... you kw? yeah.

And so its 1230am now, 30 mins pass my bedtime. Sigh, off to sleep and thank the heavens tml is FRIDAY! WEEE! After work tml maybe go timbre or balaclava to chill, but secretly, i just wan to go home and rest. =.=" Ah well, colleagues jio, must give face rite? Right. =)

Jason's : I am trying to formula a chain lending and hedging system that allows a individual to generate huge amounts of returns the legal way using the theory of covered leverage. =)

the one about the failure in life

Okay, i failed the m9 again. Though i would love to put all the blame on the test being rigged etc, ultimately the fact is smacking me in the face: its my fault. I admit i didnt realli study for it, so i guess its orbi for me. Big waste of money for no obvious reasons at all, except my own laziness, so fuck me.

Anyways laziness has always been a deadly sin that is stopping me from becoming the man that i am supposed to be. Im so fucking lazy that its appalling i managed to drag my sorry ass till this stage in life. Ah well, though they say habits are die hard, this slacking streak must come to an end. Must end.

I have lots of update this entry, so bear with me eh? After bitching bout how lazy i am and how fucked up i feel failing the m9 again, i shall enlighten people on what i have been doing this few final weeks of freedom before i start work.

Muay thai was fun and i've went to the muay thai/ judo camp and knew lots of new ppl. I wasnt a veri effective OGL, cause maybe being the oldest there makes me feel kinda awkward, but surprisingly my whole group joined muay thai rather then judo, maybe i have some kind of hidden influence after all eh? hahaha =p

But seriously, im beginning to appreciate muay thai and the people there. All of them are realli nice ppl and the coaches are all realli nice ppl as well. Training is tough, but i find myself improving, my technique and overall strenght on a ascending climb. I might not be the best fighter out there, but at least i train slowly at my own pace and in the long run, this investment will pay off. I think. hahaha

I will be starting work nxt tuesday, so im kinda vexed and excited. Vexed because i have yet to pass my m9 and if i dun pass it, i might be jobless. Excited because of the new ppl and enviroment i will be in. Sincerely i simply hope i will do well in the job and earn some cash to buy and do stuffs that i want. Revamp room, get my license etc... And finally get a car.

Getting a car isnt as simple as ABC though, i need to carefully plan out the finances required to support 1. Either i will save up and full cash a jap car, or save up 100k to down for a BMW Z4. The second option is abit far fetched lah, cause 100k is no small amount. Infact giving it more thought, do i realli need a car? i mean the various upkeep costs are all immerse liabilities. Ah well, shall plan when i have the money, right now, maybe dun tink so much first ba, i need to survive the first 6 mths on the job first.

Relationship wise, i have to be veri honest here. I have not met somebody that strikes up an interest even though i've met a lot of ppl this few mths. And i doubt i will meet anybody special at work too, because the fact is im still veri much tied up. I have given up trying to do something about the knot, because everytime i try, it gets tighter. And its for the best also, focus on career and be a single rich man, then be tied down and be a troubled attached man. hahah

Whatever it is, i nvr hated her and will never ever hate her. Pissed yes, but never hatred. Never ever.

Aites, moving on, in the past i used to think about converting my blog to some financial blog or some other sort of non-romantic blog. But i tink fuck it ba, i am a somebody that is romantic and emotional, and moreover this is my blog, i write whatever i wan as long as im not inciting some racial wars or watever. So yes, i shall write about how i feel about the world in general and guy gal relationships and psychology.

Toking bout psychology, i was at a RT training last weekend, when i overheard 3 guys chatting. They were saying which faculty gals are prettiest and stuffs like that, which is normal. But then they kinda went into judge-dread mode and started saying which faculty have bitches and bimbos etc. I listened and started thinking to myself: Why judge people when u guys aint the cream of the crop? Even if u are indeed the cream of the crop, who gave u the right to judge people?

Seriously speaking, i tink majority of the RT guys are the weak fellows in the male population of singapore, including me. So the stuffs these 3 nerds were toking about is kinda ironic. Whether they are bimbo or smart people or whatever they are, that's the way they are. They dun judge u, so why go and judge people? Ah well, juz a thought, cause i myself cannot escape from judging ppl sometimes, though i try to tell myself not to.

Tick tock tick tock i tink its time to rest. Dun kw why, i get tired easily these days. I've been watching House M.D. these few days, and its REALLI scary when every single fuck thing seems like some symptoms of some dread disease. Cb, think too much alreadi. hahaha

Oh ya, before i forget, people keep asking me a question whenever they see me. Its getting annoying, and i tot maybe i should explain things here. Yes, i still like her. But its like you like a ferrari, but u know u can never afford one. Get what i mean? Like doenst mean need to get together. As long as she's happy, she can hate me all she wan and im just as happy seeing her happy. So stop asking me whether i still like her anot because i will still tell u the same answer be it 5 yrs or 10 yrs. Its a preferencial feeling u have for something or someone, not that kind of 'i-must-own-her' kind of feeling. Understand??? =)

Jason's : Failing M9 is like being forced to look into ur own joblessness. If u get what i mean. Pardon my lousy language. =(

i am veri vexed about tml's m9 paper. i realli dun wan to fail again.

im realli VERI VEXED. FUCK!

Todae is my birthday.

I've been making the same wish for 2 years.

It will never come true.

I hope this will be the last year i make the same wish.

So yes, i made an additional wish this year apart from the same one every year.

I thank my family for celebrating this day with me.

I thank my frends for celebrating with me yesterday.

So todae is my birthday.

26th one to be exact.

Will i be what i want to be?

I do hope so.

M9 M8 i have to pass.

Daily quota i have to hit.

This friday i convo.

After that 2 weeks to first day of training.

My life is about:

Work.

Sales.

M8 M9.

Muay thai.

Training.

the one with the philo shits

As usual, the paradigm of life still confounds me to this day. Life is like a stream of water seemingly flowing down a predetermined path, or so you thought, and the next moment it completely changes course. The way to live a enlightened life is to accept things for what they are, and we go full circle back to the philosophy of 'Everything happens for a reason.'

I officially rejected the GE FA job, and todae i went for UOB personal banker interview. Well, working for a bank gives you a basic and the benefits are actually better. The bottomline is still the same, if you dun achieve, u get fried. Ah well, watever it is, i need to hold down a job fast so as to repay ALOT of stuffs. Wah lan, if onli i hit the lottery. hurhur

Looking at my blog, i realised its quite solemn, as in there's not much pictures and the black theme kinda make it abit morbid. Well, my life isnt as sad as my blog lah, just that the black stuff make it seem cooler and im just too lazy to upload pictures. I've been browsing thru a few blogs recently and all of them proved everyone just wants to be loved.

What are the odds of finding somebody that realli loves you for who you are? Think about it, besides your family, the chances of finding somebody that dun lusts after you or loves ur money more then you are realli miniscure. The way to segregate whether its true love is to simply imagine yourself being blindfolded and void of all material thoughts. Kinda like ignoring all other factors that might contribute to your emotions, and just spend time with that person. This is a state where hearts and souls connect and the base foundation of the intriging 'love'.

So like i said, i presume i am the only dumb person who will actually ascertain my feelings truthfully, alot of relationships are actually built upon other factors rather then love. Be it a need for a partner, for the money, or simple lust, they're actually a kalaidescope of interconnected actions and reactions. For that, i am damned and most prob will remain single for life. Yeah people tell me 'fate will come' or 'when its time, its time' etc. To me now its all bullshit because although i am in no position to be picky, im extremely picky.

Ah fuck, im feeling so naked toking about these stuffs man. Think forget it, no point further illustrating. Back to where i was, im updating irregularly these days, simply because i slack at home so much and i didnt realli go out, so i dun have much 'adventures' to post here. hahaha

The last time i went out was sunday, when i met ah wei, ah leong and mee kia for lunch and a day out on national day. A day out with any of the guys is always a good day, all the rubbishes and the laughter, it just reminds me this is the reason we are frends. =)

The one in the middle of the night.

Im kinda vexed these days, lots of problem surfaced. Especially financial problems. Sigh.

My com died on me, and i needa change the motherboard and the processor, which amounts to around $160. Then the great eastern thingy dropped a bomb on me, telling me needa buy laptop. So i guess i will be paying $300 to the company cause i certainly do not wan to spend 800 bucks when i haven even started work. So yes. Screw laptops.

And then the convo thing i need $250 as deposit for the stupid graduation gown. Cb leh, how am i supposed to pop up with so much cash out of a sudden? I dun wanna borrow from ppl, so i have to tink of something. And then there's the problem about finding a job tat surfaced again after i decided to fly great eastern aeroplane. CB.

Shit happens, and as a matter of fact most of the shit is self-inflicted. Ya, i kinda ate myself. Ah well, i have this penchant to choose the wrong direction if u get what i meant. hmmms...

Enough bout my troubles, lets tok about something else. I've been repeatedly listening to a song these days. Didnt find it nice, until i heard it in somebody's car earlier this year at night near changi airport. I know its abit hard for ppl to understand, but those who knows, know, as usual. They will remember the song, each and everyone in the car. hahas! Ah well, those were the days eh? (Those that still rem the song name can try to guess it in the comment box. hurhur)

The earth still spins, and i do thank alex, who indirectly helped me. Toking this, i realli like my muay thai club more and more. The people there are nice, although im actually quite mean to the girls, lols. I like to disturb people lah, so i might be appear mean lor. But well, i realli meant no harm, and i had my fair share of people that cannot take jokes, so yeah, the gals in MT are realli good sports. =)

The guys in MT are a funny and interesting crowd, especially the seniors. What i enjoy is the seriousness when we train, and yet there's this comaderie and trust. When we train, the focus in our eyes realli makes me damn happy to be training with this bunch of people. With the recent addition and help of louis, wilson and jason, the training is getting more and more fun. =)

Then comes this side of me, that realli wanna be better at my art. To lose weight, gain speed and power. The stupid tummy is making my kicks less effective, although it does serve as a shock absorber sometimes. My balance is laughable so i cant realli do consequetive (i kw spell wrong. mental block.) kicks fast and furiously. Sigh. Needa train more ah jason lam, train more.

One more thing, as i get older, i realised im getting more and more long winded hor. U see my entries when i was younger was much shorter then the posts now lor. I tink im realli getting old le. Thinking bout it, i AM old. 26 yr old without a dime and best thing is im jobless. Haiz.

Alrite lah, enough of my depressing situation. Will think of something soon. Meantime, i have to go rest and wake up early tml to study for the HI test that is tml. I paid for it, might as well go for it rite?

Nitez fellows.^_^

The one with the besotted dreams

Im kinda depressed these days, simply because my parents dun realli understand what i am and what i wanna become. As usual, they're ur typical asian conservative types, who wans their kids to get a stable job and then work till old and save up an amount in CPF and then retire. In short form, sandwich class.

They never realli understood my dreams and aspirations. Im not one to be tied down to on 9 to 5 job and stay that way forever. I wan to start something i call my own, regardless how tough the going. I dare not say i am the perfect business man material with the perfect plan, but i wan and dare to try. Sigh.

Why do parents like to impose their format of life onto their kids? Why dun they understand sometimes, we wan to shape our own future, rather then follow their predetermined 'perfect life' format? They say im silly, naive and not practical. What's so silly about having a dream, naive about trying to fulfill that dream, and not practical about starting your own business?

My mum says business is onli for the rich kids, with rich dads to sponsor their business. For me, i believe in starting something from ur own hands, by your own means. So what if i have no rich dad? Capital problems can be solved with a good business plan, i personally have business ideas and concepts that are low cost and efficient.

An example is Seraphine Playworks, the cost for the entire operation was less then $200, simply because of the JIT inventory methodology i adopted. Orders first, inventory second. The same goes for the upcoming idea that im currently discussing with ah wei. The capital needed for this venture is just the registration fee and around $3k of backup funds. So you see, contrary to popular belief, u dun need alot of money to start a business.

Sigh, anyways, in the meantime i shall study well for my HI and M9, after passing out maybe work as a FA for the time being. No basic is a headache, but its still a proper job after all. I've decided to work hard for this job and at least get a stable income. Alot of ppl tells me negative stuffs about this line, but i still wanna go ahead and see where this will take me. I know, ppl might laugh or ridicule me IF i fail, but heck them all, even if i fail, i learn something out of it.

Enough about my miserable life, lets tok more about people's lives. People at some stage or another, fall deeply in love with another person, normally with the opposite sex. So the deeper they fall for somebody, the greater the hit they take when things end. What ppl see is the loss of somebody they loved for so long, what they fail to see, is how insignificant the situation is.

Everything has its cycle of beginning and end. When things end, why take it so bitterly? Its simply a cycle, and the saying that there is a better one out there is always true. By the Law of greater numbers, there is ALWAYS somebody better, no matter how perfect you deemed your lost love to be. So just take in the memories, and be glad that both of you had time together.

Im gonna be 30 in 4 yrs time, and i realised i lived almost 1/3 my entire lifespan. I have 2/3 of my life left to do something great and be someone great. By doing and being someone great, i dun mean appearing on Forbes magazine or anything related to being super rich. On the contrary, i wanna be a good son, husband and father.

To me, money is important, but nothing is more important than your loved ones and family. What the oldies says is true, the greatest wealth in the world is having a closely knit family. The parents who cared for you from birth to now, the siblings who went thru thick and thin with you thruout your life, the wife who chose to follow you trusting you with her entire remaining life that you will love her with all your heart and soul, and your children who loves you and believes in you. They are what's important, not just some greenbacks and golden bars.

I know its kinda philosophical, but nonetheless to be able to appreciate and conduct yourself with the above principle is not easy. People discover this truth sooner or later, but most of the time, its too late. Im just glad i realised this early, when i didnt learn this the hard way.

If you are looking for a clue to my recent sudden change in policy, you wont realli find it here. Its like i say, i woke up one day and had a eureka moment, and from then on, screw it. I know how i feel and who i am, i dun see a need anymore to be appreciated. This paragraph has no relation to the above paragraphs. Those who get it, got it. Those that dont, too bad. I will most prob ignore whoever say the magic words from now on.

Jason's: When things get sickeningly disgusting, they simply cease to exist. Law of Mutuality.

the one with the supa late updates

I've been too slack to realli update this blog, but i promise i shall try my best to update it more often. yeah, promise. =p

Anyways i got TONS to blog about, and some of the contents might be a bit surprising to some people. hahaha. Firstly, im on the way to becoming a FA with Great Eastern OCBC. Before u close this window and block me on msn and delete my phone number, let me tell you bout details k?

I actually told the company my criteria before i signed up with them. 1st thing is i dun harass frens and family members. Simple as that. Second is i dun wanna do MRT hawking. Its not that im acting high class or watever, its just so freaking hot and i will sweat like a dog wearing formal under the hot sun. When im hot and sweaty (when im not in training attire.) , my mood is totally fucked and im quite unapproachable, much less approach ppl. so there.

Todae i went for my M5 exam, and i failed it. Fuck. Its total crap, u need 75% and above to pass that fucking paper, which is like unless u get distinction, u cannot pass. wtf? Anyways im gonna spend $100 to retake it. Fuck man. Waste of money. ccb.

Im actually comtemplating whether to juz fuck the whole thing and accept the RBS loan executive position IF they call, or juz reject them and stick with this FA thingy. Benefits of a FA includes perfect time control, high earnings provided u put in the effort. Time and money is what i need to start a business, so what i wanna do is do my best to help ppl plan their finances, and earn a tidy sum within the first 3 yrs so i can start Lam's Enterprises. Good plan?

But its juz a utopian scenario lah, the hard work involved is not child's play. Infact, i foresee a dilemma even if i succeed in becoming a successful FA. Either i start my business, or i go try SIA as a pilot. With monetary capital to support myself for the next 2 yrs, its a perfect time to go try SIA. Sigh. I dun kw man, but lets not think that far, i might not even make it as a FA.

Okays. Now career stuffs aside, lets tok about the topic people are most interested about.... my life. Firstly, i like to say, someone misunderstood me. But i dun see a need to clarify, since its kinda pointless because it runs too deep lah. All bad stuffs is me, and all good stuffs is due to any other factors except me. haha. Well let the wheels roll, im too tired and cropped up with things to be bothered anymore.

I dun realli wanna be childish, but i guess i can onli retaliate with childishness. Its kinda fun in a morbid way, i dun kw why also, but fuck it, juz enjoy the lan-lan-ness of the whole issue. When things clear up in future if ever, we might just laugh at our stupidity although we're almost 50 yrs old added together.

Yesterday went for muay thai training, and guess who i saw? huimin. again. This time, its not in the library, she's having lecture and was dressed as a OL. Wah lan eh, sibei pretty lah. She's even prettier then last time in Sec School lor. But interestingly, i didnt chat much, just the usual hi and some crapping, then im on my way to bathe and change to go for dinner.

I was tinking about stuffs on the way to dinner with the muay thai fellows, and im starting to understand, life is about accepting and adapting. Accept things that cannot be, and adapt to changes. Me and her, i have to accept its not gonna happen, and then adapt and carry on with life as per usual. I managed to do that for huimin, and never did i expect her to come back into my life again after 10 yrs, as a frend that is, tentatively. hahah =x

Nonsenses aside, im slacking like nobody's business these days man. I need to pick myself up from this pile before i realli become shit. haha. So i needa do something, anything. ffffaaaarrrkkkk.....

Oh ya, and then there's this type of people that asks dumb questions. They think we're at the same level and we should start at the same pathetic level as them. People get educated for a reason, and that reason is a higher start in life then you, so stop whining as asking how qualified we are, and work on making urself as qualified as us.

The above mentioned type is that kind of fellow that whines at every fuck thing and wallows that the world is unfair and such. Why not see things in a different perspective? Go do something about urself, rather then blaming the world for fuck's sake. You are what you are, because of what you want yourself to be.

I hope it rains later man, i wanna sleep my M5 failure off. hahahas. Oh ya, im currently thinking about trying to prepare Panna Cotta. Its a simple italian dessert which looks and sound super delicious. Tml im going to town, most prob will buy the ingredients and try it out. heehee.

You know, this might sound clique and abit gayish, but i do foresee myself preparing breakfast for my wife on sundays before she wakes up, served up in a breakfast tray and we could have breakfast in bed. hiak hiak hiak~~ im so hopeless rite? yeah i do agree, but that's how i am. Im someone that is emotional and romantically inclined. But im not those girlish girlish fellow, i come with fire and i am 100% man. Right now im trying to make myself more cultured, less vulgarities, and more constructive sentence linkages. =p

Wootz, call of nature, gotta shit. So im signing off here to go shit. Till the nxt entry!

the one with the 10

It realli amazes me sometimes,how emotions can actually go into auto-pilot. Anyways, im just gonna keep quiet and remain neutral. Its my turn to watch , i alreadi got golden horse award, so i just diam diam ba.

Life hasnt been that kind to me, although i still think my life is much better then 80% of the people around the world. Watched HOME, a documentary to promote Save Gaia. Once again, something in me moved when i watched how the documentary was shot. The global inbalance in financial status, the poor get poorer and the rich get richer by exploiting the earth resources.

Im not a super go green person, but im still moved by the documentary. Once again im reminded, that while im involved and obsessed with some small and stupid stuffs, there are people who didnt even have the luxury to mull over such issues. What's on their mind, is how to survive till the next day, everyday.

Its not only this documentary that struck a cord with me, there's this other short film that won the 2008 Best short film at a Europe award called '10 Mins'. Go youtube it, its very inspiring and its a masterpiece. The Bosnian War scene was shot in 1 continuous take and its realli a directing masterpiece with a message behind it. I like stuffs with a meaning behind it. =)

Alrite, i shall list out 10 experiences that made this guy a stupid fuck. Yeah, u heard it, stupid fuck. Kinda painful ya know, but things gonna be learnt the hard way, and yeah, im still a stupid fuck. hahaha.

1) Never be too nice to a gal. Too nice, and u are simply heading down the 'Brother' or 'Bestie' road. I dun mean being nasty to her lah, but save the mushy mushy stuffs after she's yours. If not, dun bother.

2) This might sound stupid, but well, do not let her know how much you like her. Keep her in suspense and you are effectively keeping the ball in your park. Never demonstrate that you are 100% into her, if not, she might either make use of you, or manipulate you in some other ways, but never accept you.

3) No matter how strong the urge, do not sms or call her too much. As per above, guys tend to exhibit a insane tendency to sms or call the gal everyday. If she likes you, u dun contact her, she also will contact you lah. If she dun like you, you call 1 million times also useless, you're only fucking irritating to her. So there, do not, i repeat DO NOT contact her 'turbo-ly'. Show her that you can control yourself.

4) Hang up the god damn phone if you find the conversation draggy. I've not chatted on the phone for more then 5 yrs, but from previous telephony experiences from Sec skool and Poly days, its best to hang up. Noone enjoys silence over the phone when you can hear the wind blowing or their mum screaming. Nothing to say, hang up. Period.

5) There is infact, no such thing as chemistry or sparks. Yes, i know people might disagree with me here, but if a person likes you, he or she will slowly adapt. You will start to learn the habits and likings of each other, so bit by bit, things will start to gel. Infact, if u like him/her enough, u will go research and understand more on her/his interests. Its not about giving up your identity, its about the effort that you make to understand someone you say you love.

6) Always make sure you are very sure of how you feel before taking the plunge. Never go in uncertain, uncertainty always screws things up. Never gamble on others' feelings, it always leads to an unsightly ending, and the entire world will know you're a fucking bastard. Yeah, the entire world, communication is veri advanced now.

7) Things always happen for a reason. If you dun get the gal, dun despair, cause it might be god's way of protecting you. Yes, u heard rite. Most prob after you get together with her, your career might crash, or some fucking satellite might land on you. Fate is something that protects you, not ridicule you. I know, you can tell me thousands of "if's" and "what if's", but dun imagine things, you are not god, you cannot make things move the way you want it. That's the fact. And you cant be with her, is also a fact. Accept it.

8) Never say never. Do not swear to god that you will never fall for him/her, cause god might not only be the one laughing at your sorry ass. Seriously, noone knows what will happen, and the onli certainty in the world is uncertainty. Therefore do not say that you will never fall for him/her, you REALLI never know what will happen sia. nb.

9) Beauty is onli skin deep. Trust me, all my life, i dare not say i've been in any relationships, but i've been frends with the best of them. The best gals i've known in my 26 yrs are not extremely pretty, infact, average looking, but they realli do have a angelic aura around them. Nice, refined, perfect in every sensible sense. And the worst gals i've known are well, the top of the range in the looks department. But im thankful, i found a diamond in the rough, but too bad its NEVER gonna work and im just thankful she didnt hire assassin to kill me. hiak hiak hiak. (oh fuck, i said never, which contradicts point 8. Um well, this is an exception, it realli is never. hahaha)

10) A final point to take note is, things are like a see-saw, the secret is always balance. You give, you take. Things are not gonna last if you keep giving and not taking, same goes vice versa. The hardest part in relationship maintainence is keeping a balance in everything. Never have the notion that when u keep giving and not taking, you're a perfect man. Perfection is a sin, and people hate sinners. Like i have said before, and i always will say, 2 imperfect persons make a perfect couple.

Special Point ) If things ended, let it end. When a relationship fails, there is always a reason, therefore dun try to drag things and let the reason hurt each other further. Get together, cherish every moment, and in the unfortunate event it ends, smile and let it end.

The precious lessons that life taught me will always be with me, no matter where i go. I always believed im a man meant to do great things, and there are times where the going gets tough and i start to doubt myself. But then again, men are like iron ore, we all need to be forged in the fires of hardships in order to become steel. Therefore all the bad stuffs are actually just there for me to learn and grow, and there are all part and parcel of the journey to become the man i was destined to be.

Buay Song

These few days, my mood isnt on cloud nine. Alot of fucked up things are fucking up my mind. First off, my results are fucking on hold by the dun kw what fuck aussie union. Why the fuck do they have to fucking hold up OUR results? Pua cb, the best thing is, IT ONLI AFFECTS US, THE AUSSIE STUDENTS THERE ARE NOT FUCKING CB AFFECTED! FUCK YOU BASTARDS!

Second thing that's driving me crazy is the fucked up job market. Its kinda hard finding a job, and although i can and wan to do sales, i need bank interior experience. So yes, i gotta find a internal job position in a bank and crank up on the experience. Fuck. Im poor enough as it is, now knn still must settle for some cb fucked up pay, 1.5k to 1.7k. Cb, i last time diploma also get 1.8k working as a assistant engineer lor.

Thirdly, i still owe my frends money. $150 to jer, $300 to ah wei. Fuck. I wanna pay them back as soon as possible, but as long as i cant find a job, i cant. I dun like to owe frens money, especially they being the ones who without a second word lent it to me. I thank god that i have frends that are always there for me when the going gets tough. So yes, they are also the reason i wanna find a job asap.

Fourth, i needa pay my grandma back. The study fees remember? Its 30K lah, must start repaying asap also. Although not pressured, i still wanna settle it asap. Argh, so many stuffs to settle, with all these financial burdens on me, when the fuck can i start my own stuffs?

Coupled with all these, there's this other thing as well. I know i shouldnt feel this way, but well, fuck that. What thing? I dun wanna say, but its fucking me up from within. I must try to tear myself away from this thing. I fucking must. Its fucking up my life.

So all these factors cumulate into a negative mood streak for me these days. Therefore in the meantime, dun screw with me.


On a final note, someone asked me do i still. yes i still.

3 doors open, 2 doors closed

People ask me, why i so long never blog. My answer besides the exams is that i dun wanna divulge too much stuffs, might cause misunderstandings you see. Exams are officially over, and if nothing goes wrong, theoretically im at the end of my student life. After 26 yrs. wow.

Along this whole 3 yrs of uni life, everything now seems like a fleeting image. You kw, the joyous times, the down times, the mugging days etc. I've made frens that i kw can go the distance, and im kinda thankful that i actually belonged to a group the moment i step into uni.

Went out abit after the exams, and im beginning and understand the magnitude of the next phrase of life. Finally i have walked out of the confines of this academic society, armed with the most basic of qualifications. Which door will i open? What path will i walk? The unknown always seem to excite me and generally speaking, im a risk taker.

Pilot plans have to be shelved for the time being, cause i needa earn some dough for the reasons i've explained in a previous post. So now its a ground job for the time being. Banker? Marketer? Sales? Infact, i dun wanna take up a back end job. Yeah i kw its stable, but there's no challenges and risk, its too mundane. I thrive on volatility, to me, its either u make it, or u dun. Simple equation.

And lastly, there are 2 things i should shed. 1 is fats, the other, my kiddish demeanour, or in short, my crapping and yapping. Im naturally a joyful person, but sometimes too joyful and i automatically go into crap mode. And so, time to lose it and face the world. =)

Alrite, now to tok about a type of person i totally fucking hate. I hate ppl that keeps saying how bad life has been to them and they keep toking about what kind of shit they have been thru etc. They think they're the onli ones with problems and they've been thru enough shit and hence is a breed above. I say fuck their cb mentality. I know of 2 persons like tat.

They lead what kind of fuck life, i dun care, but the thing is, i KNOW things aint that bad for them. They are the kind of fucktarts that craves for people to respect them, and they aint getting it from me. Infact, i look down on them. To have to resort to such methods hoping that people will respect them. Pui.

Im toking about a specific type here, im fine with people whining about life and such, but to tell you things like "aiyah, i've been thru more then you lah, u dun kw one lah.", tis is that kind i hate the most. Among the 2, 1 of them i totally ignore, whenever he ask me out for kopi or watever, i simply ignore or heck. I dun wanna go out there and listen to his fucking cb nonsenses, and i totally am not impressed by watever he says he's been thru.

People like to dramaticize things, to the extend i realli realli feel they are damn dumb. Argh. Fuck them all.

Okays, composure. Chill. And as i was saying, life after studies. A few plans are in my mind, i alreadi plan how to spend money =.=". Firsy paycheck will be used to buy working neccesities, and then nxt one to revamp my room, and all future earnings will be invested. A percentage will go to repayment of the study debt, and a little amount is saved in the bank, just in case my stocks go bankrupt. i shall apply the 1/4 theory that i so convenient thought out for myself.

The 1/4 theory is a basic and simple approach to investment that people always overlook. 1/4 of your investment fund should always be hedged on some non-risky asset, and the other 1/4 for extremely risky assets. The remaining half should be positioned somewhere in between both risk horizon, meaning moderate-risk assets. Never play contra, unless you can cover your ass. After my bad experience with the US stock markets, i can safely tell you guys that stocks are never predictable, or should i say, human psychology?

And then to supplement the investment mentality with the professional gambler rules that i've read up on. Ya, i went to research on gambling as a profession, and the ironic thing is, professional gamblers do not realli 'gamble'. They take calculated risk, and alot of patience is required. Professionals stick to the staking plan, and observation serves a critical part in the success or failure.

Wootz, i've been writing for the past hr unwittingly, and i haven updated you guys. haha

Next week im going to vietnam for my grad trip. And im not veri excited about it, dun kw why leh, just not excited. Before people jump to conclusions that im not excited because of a certain someone not going for the trip, i wanna inform people that usually before going overseas, im always in a non-chalent mood. Its the same when i went to Japan, Taiwan, Australia etc in the past. So this attribute is inherent, not derivative. =)

Oh ya, lastly, i wanna tok about true frens. There are 2 types of frens, one type, they listen to you and are there for you when u are down. The other type are the ones that lend you a hand when u are in trouble. Those people that listens and lent me a hand when im down and out, these people are the ones i will remember when things goes nicely for me. As much as i have these frens, i also wanna be such a fren to them as well. I believe in what comes around goes around, so people that are nice to me, i will be nice as well. Those that toks nonsenses and gives me fuck reasons when the going gets tough, be assured you wont even get shit from me.

Atheist

ahem, im back to post. Reasons for the long break is as usual. Lazy, plus its exams study period now, so yeah, was mugging in skool mostly.

Something strange seems to be happening these days, there seems to be a sudden flux of past. I know its kinda hard to understand what im toking about lah, but things and people from the past seems to be coming back to me. I dun kw to be thankful, or curse whoever made all these happen.

Alot of things went thru my head these days. From the start of the study period, i saw. And then it became frequent, and i keep questioning why am i seeing so much. And i tried to smile a couple of times, you know, at least be frens after so many yrs mah rite? Well, fate always seems to thwart the attempts, if you know what i mean.

And todae, when i wasnt tinking anything, it came smack in my face. Was abit un-nerving, having to tok to her after so long. What transversed between us this afternoon, was more then my 4 yrs of knowing her in the past. Her eyes, they haven aged at all, they're still as bright as i've first known her. I've seen her around in school, but didnt realli speak to her, cause some things in the past still clinged on, and well, i didnt realli wanted to dig out what was buried.

I dun kw man, seeing her gave me a sense of familiarity and warmth, yet i was abit wary. Wary of what? i dun kw, juz wary. I mean the bottomline is, she's the first after all, so with her, i feel like im back to secondary skool days, the little boy within me who blushes whenever i see her.

I hate contigencies, especially those 'empire-strikes-back' types. I was troubled the whole evening after that, wondering why would that old-fellow-up-there dig shit out that was buried like almost 10 yrs ago? And before people makes crazy prepositions, im just lamenting, not considering anything yet. Dont ask me about this, anyways i dun tink people wan to know also lah.

And the worse thing is, there are MORE contingencies looming in the midst these days. Why? I dont know, but things suddenly seem to open up and its realli veri deadly. Argh.


Okays, the above aside, some stuffs happened, and people saw. Ya, they saw, not i say one, but they saw. So ya, they tell, i listened, i nodded. Its kinda sad realli, when people have to stoop so low they seem to be squating. Haiz. Is a ego boost realli that important? Ah well, let me get detached and be a floating exchange rate ba, i dun realli wanna care anymore. If abc cant see, then xyz is not worth it anyways.

Buddha teaches peace, externally and internally. Im not a staunt buddhist, infact im a free thinker or atheist or whatever they call it. But i understand and believe in the values that 'thou shall not do unto others what thou doth want others to do unto thee.'. In lay man terms, people should not do to other what they dun want others to do to them.

Ironically, toking bout peace, im kinda stirred inside and outside. hurhur. Internally is due to contingencies, externally is im ballooning up slowly. Sigh. Ah well, after exams plenty of time to shed off the exam-weights, so for now, enjoy the wriggly fats ba.

Im a frank and honest fellow, i like who or dislike who quite obvious one. Nothing much to fear ba. But people do see me on the contrary as a trash-talking, in your face, constantly cursing barbarian. Yeah i tink sometimes i do get over enthusiastic in conversations, but i am me. I dun lie to people. I dun hide true self from people. what you see is what you get. If you think you are pure and true, stare into my eyes. Im a soul-starer, a special breed of men that can see thru your soul. *crap*

Hypocrisy is rampant in modern society and people simply dig it. Hypocrisy is infact the new black, and people who are frank and honest are the current shit pile. hahas, anyways im always full of shit lah, so i dun mind joining shit pile gang. hiak hiak~~

After the above, i would expect more 'house of flying daggers'. Life is indeed a movie like they said. hahaha, dark joke. I might be mistaken lah, must give the benefit of doubt, but its realli like what they say sia. "How dark the human heart!"

Always Be My Baby





We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be apart of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....

You'll always be apart of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

Always be my baby


Yup, this is the david cook rendition of mariah carey's Always Be My Baby. Damn nice sia, i like cook's vocals, those husky husky manly manly kinda vocals. Yeah, tat's y i like artists like Nickelback and Chris Daughtry.

Anyhow, my blog's growing abit rusty from the neglect, so im here todae to spruce it up abit with some updates. First up, todae i juz went to depot road to answer my charge for defaulting from RT. Well, i defaulted in order to do the EG project tat time, so luckily the officer waived off the charge for me. Thanks man, whoever you are.

Things are starting to pile up a few days back, mentally i mean. But well, after todae, it seems alot of stuffs kinda automatically settle themselves, in this case turns out to be a blessing in disguise. Im adopt a non-chalent attitude to those issues deemed important by people, but i guess its time to shed leave that comfort zone.

Very soon, i have to revamp my wardrobe. The normal attire of t-shirt and jeans will have to give way to working shirts and pants. Sigh. Everyone knows how comfy jeans n t-shirts are...
And best yet, all kinds of revolution, no matter cultural or historical or watever fuck-shit-cal, needs money-power. Im kinda lacking in that department currently.

Reconsidering the pilot thingy, i think i shall start work first, before making the switch, cause i need to earn some money to repay the study debt and get my life into shape. Then on, when things are settled, then i will take the plunge and give the skies a try, literally. heh.

Then again, the future is always uncertain, so i cant say for sure im gonna take this route. Im alreadi foreseeing the dilemma that's gonna happen like 3 yrs down the road? Ah well, fuck that for now. We plan first, got any contingency along the way then review ba. =)

Muay thai wise, the IVP will be in December, and its not even confirmed yet, therefore i gave myself reason to slack and laze abit. Lazy lazy me. But i could spar around and gain more experience though, when it comes to preparation, more is better then less. I dun wanna be the one lying face down in the ring now do we? =)

Ain't She Meaningful?

Well a few things here to tok about. First is i tide thru the IME test, i tink lah. Should be able to pass ba. Went to the career fair todae to check things out and maybe find a job there. There's a few insurance companies there, which im quite wary of, since i didnt realli like the prospect of selling insurance.

Alrite, now for some gossip and the aftermath. No, its not bout O. Yeah, been sometime since i used the codename O alreadi. Anyways like i was saying, i was returning home after la-ing kopi with the fellows at the kopitiam.

While i was crossing the road, i saw a couple in their 20s quarreling in the distance, and being the kaypoh me, i tried to listen abit on what the conversation is about. I didnt realli kw the whole story, but i heard the gal say this: "You have never demonstrated to me how much you love me at all."

That guy juz stood there quietly and extremely pissed. To me, the thing she said also sets me tinking, and whatever they said after that i didnt listen alreadi. The thing is she's actually veri rite, usually guys are callous and rarely do they do anything to show their gfs how much they actually meant to them.

And so, i quietly revised something i knew all along. The fact that love is a give and take relationship, its not all take and no give, its also nvr a all give and no take thing. You all get what i mean la hor.

Despite all these years being single, i actually learned alot of stuffs from my attached frends. Things to do, and things not to do. I can make a lists of those 'things', but i will not, cause the main point here is not to demonstrate to anybody whatsoever what i am or who i am. This entry is just a simple reflection of what that gal said.

Having said that, i suddenly remembered this song from when i was young. Its by Backstreet Boys, and i just so happened to stumble upon the MTV. Can you guess what song it is?




And so remember to tell your gal/woman this--> I'll never break your heart.

unusual chatter

alive not dead. this entry is to tell ppl im still alive. sort of anyways. heh.

As usual, the nxt entry will be a little lengthy.

Say, my entries these days are starting to be few and far between, yet its always so damn long man.

Ah well, me n my grandmother stories.

gonna koon, tml do EG. sianz.

made to last, i am. =)

Detached.

Tomolo is MC test. I hecked it. Kinda. Suddenly felt like not studying this afternoon. Sigh. Maybe its the lethargy from yesterday? Might be. Ah well, my lil sista sent me a song by NeYo, like 5 mins ago. Is kinda meaningful, at least some parts of the lyrics.

As per normal, i keep thinking bout things and how they are going. Studies wise, its going waywards, and we're halfway thru the semester. Wow. Money wise, im drained. But i shall say this again, im in love with muay thai. Though im bruised and shagged, im definitely lovin it. heh.

Will post some pictures here when i get my hands on the muay thai pics. So meantime, settle for the lyrics of the song from NeYo that i was toking bout in the previous paragraph.

Mad
Ne Yo

She's starin' at me
I'm sittin' wonderin' what she's thinkin'
Nobody's talkin' 'cause talkin' just turns into screamin'
And now it's I'm yellin' over her, she yellin' over me
All that that means is neither of us is listening

And what's even worse?
That we don't even remember why we're fighting
So both of us are mad for

Nothing, fighting for
Nothin', crying for
Nothing, whoa
But we won't let it go for

Nothing, no not for
Nothing, this should be
Nothing to a love like what we got

Oh baby, I know sometimes it's gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Can't sleep through the pain

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no no no

And it gets me upset
Girl when you're constantly accusing
Askin' questions like you already know
We're fighting this war
Baby when both of us are losing
This ain't the way that love is supposed to go

Whoa, what happened to workin' it out?
We've fall into this place
Where you ain't backin' down and I ain't backin' down
So what the hell do we do now?
It's all for

Nothing, fighting for
Nothing, crying for
Nothing, whoa
But we won't let it go for

Nothing, no not for
Nothing, this should be
Nothing to a love like what we got

Oh baby, I know sometimes it's gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Can't sleep through the pain

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no no no

Oh, baby this love ain't gonna be perfect
Perfect, perfect, oh oh
And just how good it's gonna be
We can fuss and we can fight
Long as everything's all right between us
Before we go to sleep
Baby, we're gonna be happy, oh

Baby, I know sometimes it's gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Can't sleep through the pain

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no no no

So there, another one of the little meaningful songs that meant so much. *it rhymes. heh*

A Rendition of Time

Ah huh, im back to post after a long period of rest/laziness. Dun tink anybody will be missing me though. I will try to keep this entry as short as i can, cause i have tons of things to update and i dun wanna bore you people to tears. So yeah...and im listing stuffs in point form to simplify things. =)

number 1: im being charged by the army for missing 3 sessions of RT. Its my fault tat i miscalculated the dates and so i suck thumb need to go face the music. Ah well, im quite prepared for it, cause if u did something wrong, u face the consequences.

number 2: i have a new passion in life, and that is muay thai. I went to join reilly and jade at our new muay thai club in skool and indeed, im hooked. All along i have a passion for martial arts since im young, just tat im too procrastinatory to realli go join something. Since i have taken the first step, i have set for myself a goal as well, which is to join rei in the upcoming inter-varsity muay thai IVP.

yeah, i kw its kinda far-fetched since i just started like 2 weeks back, but to me, with this goal in mind i will train hard and at the end of the road, even though i might not be able to take part now, i will continue to train hard for some other events. And infact, this time, i have a veri different feeling, simple because im training for a purpose, not aimless training anymore.

number 3: im kinda disappointed in some people, namely a few not-veri-normal frends. Its hard to explain and write bout them here, without being explicit and risk exposing their antics to the whole world, so i shall not write bout things they did, i just wanna tell ppl im disappointed. I mean, why cant ppl be normal like my OG mates or meekia they all? sigh.

number 4: i stand tall and shall remain standing tall, believing in my own morality and sticking by my principles. No amount of brainwashing will make me a bastard, one at a time means one at a time. Do not tell me to multi-invest man, i simply refuse to multi-invest when it comes to affairs of the heart. And dun tell me about ur multi-investing exploits. yes, call me a dumb fuck, but i will stick to what i say. period.

number 5: life is gaining speed, projects are coming up and my engine is starting up slowly. Im picking myself up from the lazy roots entangling me, and start to be more productive in terms of studies. Im still jobless though, and im starting to get concerned, cause im outta chow for my grad trip man! Fug, i HAVE to find a job, i dun wan to starve in the Nam! (Nam = Vietnam)

number 6: My frends are all watching Boys Before Flowers,the korean F4 and im veri tempted to watch it. BUT i have to control myself, cause once i start on a drama, i cannot stop, especially those nice ones. Alot of projects and stuffs, so i simply cannot allow myself to get hooked. Besides, the series haven finish running yet, and i hate waiting for the next episode to air, i rather one shot choing finish the entire drama. heh.

number 7: im still hesitating whether to publish some stuffs anot, i saved it as a draft, but i tink now's not the time to publish it ba. Maybe i will never publish it, even after i graduate. Its a good read though, everytime i read thru the story, i feel a deep deep warmth rising up from the bottom of my heart. So i think most probably i shall keep the story to myself. Better that way lah, dun anyhow anyhow mah. Shall leave it up to fate ba. If its meant to be published, then it will be, if not, then let it be ba. =)

number 8: if u people noticed, i've changed the song in my blog to a classic love song. Yeah, its suited to my blog's color theme, and i recommend reading my blog in the middle of the night. At night read more emo more romantic rite? right. hahah =p.

Okay lah, dun de siao le lah, its just im kinda into Class 95 these days, i kinda imagined myself driving my BMW around town at night, tuned to 95. Yeah, i love the feeling when you let the night breeze weave thru your hair as u listen to a CLS. wow. (CLS = classic love song)

number 9: i was scared stiff by somebody who is over frendly. Yeah, too frendly for my comfort, so natural instinct = siam. Not say i have value or anything lah, just not comfortable.

number 10: Its not realli nice to be mean to somebody, and i do feel kinda bad sometimes. I admit i do join in the gossiping and things, but since the person also nvr do things realli realli bad to me, why should i ostracize tat person? Besides, its kinda like a mirror image of how another person feels about me. irony. hahaha ah well, let me just wake up ba, shall not be so mean to that person le. =)


Aite, that ends my update for this entry. Its kinda lengthy in the end, but i tried my best to shorten it alreadi. Serious! There's lots more i nvr tok about lor, but okay lah, too much information is bad for health. Hehe, so i shall sign off here and go watch HARD TO KILL by Steven Seagal. I have this VCR when i was young, where i will repeatedly watch recorded movies with my brothers and sister in my old house. Haha~~~ chow~~~ =)



Final Note: Actually if you tell yourself you're not affected, then nothing in the world can affect you. Think and act logical, dun get involved with people that wants to affect you.

Interlude

Many wondered, where have i been? How come i've not updated my blog for so damn long? Its simple, i was typing a draft. A extremely long draft that till now i still haven finish typing. This entry is just to notify ppl tat im still alive and kicking.

Life wise everything as per normal. Im learning to cherish my frends more, i was realli happy when ah tan, nich and eugene came to crash IME class on thursday. I haven been so happy for quite awhile alreadi, though we did dumb things like acting like wrestlers outside NP stadium toilet etc...

I guess when people leave you, then u start to realised how they have slowly crept into your heart and ur life. Well, not exactly leave, but u tend to take them for granted when u see them everyday. The irony in life is people dun cherish what they have, until they lose it. When will we ever learn?

And this goes out to not onli the OG guys, but the OG gals as well. I know i dun realli tok to you gals much, but all of u are frends to me, i just tok to the guys more. hahah. =p... anyways i've decided to smile more, and try to be get back to normal. Veri soon the next time i see you peeps will be in formal wear, not in t-shirt jeans/pants anymore. So yeah. =)

And final note: Be happy, always.

Acid

yes im blogging in the wee hours of the morning, ur eyes aint bluffing u. I cant sleep, so i will ramble abit here before i go for a run.

I realli tried my best to bear with it. I realli realli tried. Im sorry if my expression shows it, but i realli tried my very best to bear with it. Its kinda awkward, the kind of feeling. I felt it before in the past, yes, but never so strong. Its like some kind of extremely acidic thingy burning inside your heart from the inside out, at least that's how i read it.

I know there's no need to feel this way, because i am in no position and have no reasons to burn like tat inside. The thing is i cannot control it, like i said, i leashed it, but even so its so hard to control the sourish acidic sensation. I went for a walk to try to walk the feeling off, thought about other dumb stuffs to divert the sensation, but its pointless. In the end im still lan lan, what can i do about it? Answer: Nothing.

Therefore, i apologize if some emotions leaked out, i didnt mean for it to come out that way. Sorry.

Skeptic

I have been tinking alot again these days, too much for my own good. Anyways things are now at a rock bottom, and alot of drastic changes took place.

Change number 1 is the need to find project mates, and im doing each project with a different group. Im quite adaptable if i may say so, but its still abit ... you know...

Change number 2 is a change of lifestyle, no more pool or town or going around with the guys after classes, simply because the guys are gone cept for nich who still crashes some lessons. So after skool i have to find something to do, rather then going home straight everyday. Study in library? Nah, maybe i go town alone to walk around or window shop, my frens aint free always like my lecture mates. haha.

Change number 3 is a change in mentality. Some things need remedying, and so when the time is right, remedy the things, rather then leaving it to rot and decay. I got to agree with people, im not myself, but the fact is i am slowly shifting to a more amiable and humble nature, contrarial to what i was. I had a long catching up session with alina yesterday at the expense of EG lesson (its so damn boring anyways.), and i feel happy for her with her gf. Finally she's comfortable and found somebody to make her happy. =)

Oh ya, im growing close to people that i never expected to grow close to in my uni life. I spoke alot to one of them and actually ate dinner with her below my house. Its funny how things bring people together, and its our problems that made us open up to each other. Before you peeps tink too much, we're just frens and she's attached, i have absolutely no interest in her at all for your info. I dun see myself falling for others in the near future anyways, so there.

Okies, back to topic, as i was saying, alot of things and mentalities shifted in me. For example, i used to shun a guy because i didnt realli approve of his flirtatious ways (lets call him KS), but this semester when i saw him, i felt pity for him. I guess how he conduct himself isnt for me to comment as well, and seeing his plight now, i realli felt sympathy for him. sigh, poor fellow.

And i kw people say bad stuffs about me, bad and mean stuffs. What i wanna say is simple, you cant please the world, so im going to heck those people (yes, i know what those people are FYI.). As a matter of fact, what can you do even if u confront them? Come on, these are things that cant be solved. Thinking back, im quite impervious to bad press, but there's one that struck me where it hurts worst. I shall not say where it hurts most, no, its not the dick.

And i've started toking about deep stuffs to ah wei again, and the things he said, although i dun realli agree and dun make sense at all, is still a relief to me. Im veri vexed these days especially since skool has started, moreover this being the final semester, further pressured me. All these things accumalate up and im feeling the weight of things.

If only there is one person that i can fully bare my soul to. These are the times where u want somebody there for you, so you can whine all you like and know that no matter what she will still be there for you. Im not a problematic emo kid lah, but i guess its normal to feel this way sometimes dont you peeps tink so?

Alrite, so as the story goes, jason's story is now moving onto uncharted territories, so wish me luck. I used to believe in miracles, but since no miracle happened to me, i am now skeptical. Extremely skeptical infact.

Title-less

Just came back from chalet in the noon, and as expected, bathed and instantly lie down flat on my bed. Chalet was fine, and thank god nothing went wrong. Did mostly bowling thruout the whole chalet, but the thought this is the last holidays and semester not just for uni, but for the rest of my life ( cause no more student life mah), makes me carry a tinge of sadness.

Im not emo lah, just abit sentimental. Alot of things happened in these 3 yrs, big and small, good and bad, im just glad i went thru all of them, yes, even the bad ones. In these 3 years, i learnt alot about life and things themselves, im now more 'carved and defined' as a person. I do not want to use the term 'matured', because maturity infact is not a self proclamation. I may be contradicting things mentioned in past entries, but it shows a change of mentality.

And so people of my OG, if you guys and gals around reading this, i wan say thank you to you people for making my uni life so interesting. Though im not realli a good or in anyway nice person, i appreciate you people accepting me for the brunt that i am. Yeah i know we're not like graduating tml, but to me, its seems like it because half the of converted to parttime, so wont be seeing them so often.

Sorting myself up these 3 years, i got a few things realli clear. My career outlook,my passion, my path in life, and most importantly my feelings. And then the age old sentence i always stick by: " Things happen for a reason, and all of the time, the reason always justifies.". I believe i am a true person, and i shall stay true no matter where i ascend to. *touches my heart*

Okays, on a lighter note, ah leong sent me a trance which he says is the top tune for 2008, Lost by sunlounger. I disliked trance in the past, preferring techno to trance, because i tot trance was sickeningly repetitive. Well, nvr would i imagine i would be listening to trance now, smacking myself square back in the face. hahahas. Lost was damn nice lah, it changed my mentality. =)

And now im currently listening to La Guitarra, another song in the top 20 tunes of 2008 list. Extremely nice instrumental tune, i believe its among the best instrumental tunes i've heard so far. Its now the music on my blog, go listen if you're interested, try to appreciate the middle part of the song, where a lone guitar starts strumming, its heavenly. heh.

Alrite, gotta go sleep, tml school starts and i have to wake up fucking early, like 7am? School's a bitch, but i still have to go right? ya. rite. Nitez.