Merry (not) Christmas

This is a christmas entry, and true enough, its not a realli merry christmas after all. There's so many things that i haven realli done or account for, yet the year is alreadi drawing to an end.

Never mind the new yr resolutions, never mind the things, but this year, although things are in the direction that i didnt want to, i have to accept it. I always tell myself, things are clouded or seem to be disastrous, because there's a reason behind them all. In short, everything happens for a reason.

Toking bout christmas, we tok about presents. In life, sometimes u always have desires and wants, but somethings come with a responsibility. The question is again not whether u can get what u want, but whether u can handle the responsibility. Trying to see things from a alternative perspective often shed light onto some grey areas.

To me, when u wan something, u have to be able to take care of it or be responsible for it. And henceforth, the responsibility thingy, im kinda misty in that sense. Can i realli handle it? I do doubt so sometimes, therefore there's this lack of confidence.

I wanna confess that i kinda tried to lied to myself abit sometime back. Yet this confession is best left untold, i dun wan things to spin further beyond control. Im left reeling back from the aftermath and the amplitude of events. Irony is indeed a trueism of life.

Alrite, was having dinner with nich, eugene and jiaying at bugis just now. Chatted bout studies and the coming semester, complained about SIM and RMIT's admin and system. Yes, i whined about the guy's part-time switch again. Sigh, everything about next semester is alone.

Eat lunch alone, go lecture alone, do project alone (almost), go out alone after skool, sit in lecture alone (mostly) etc. I most prob will develop autism. But well, there's no feast that goes on forever, we do have to live alone sometimes, so yeah, its that solo time again. Just suck it up and get it on, i should.

*Oh yeah, before i go, below is the group picture taken of the medic outing that i was toking bout a few entries back. Since blogger cannot tag, i went to tag the ppl myself. hahaha*

Music like i said, is my life and i realli cannot imagine life without music. My earphones recently went renegade on me, so i gonna get a new pair before i can listen to my music on the move. So 3 days of going out without music, and i get to listen to noise. Bus sounds, bangla chats, cheena rantings... kinda drives me crazy.

Anyways im glad i joined singing club in school, i effectively joined a bunch of people who are passionate about music and singing just like me. There are alot of people who can sing well out there, its just that they dun sing and hymn on the move. Music is one of the main criteria in my preference of gals, im also generally attracted to people with musical talents.

Why suddenly write about music? simple, because wendy (from my club) msned us and told us to go play an online game, a game where u can perform and sing and people in the game rate your performance. Its funny realli, the off keys and other funny stuffs... hahahasss, but all in all, its realli entertaining. I heard them say, there's this guy tat sounds super like JJ once.

Fate. Something that we dont have control over, i know, because i tried, and she doenst realli seem to smile down upon me. Time. Something tat is rapidly running out with every passing second, and each second passed, instantly became the past. Money. Resource that keeps life going and makes time meaningful, without it, u simply cannot survive. Life. An existence that compels you to juggle worldly responsibilities and other small stuffs within a short lifespan of 60 to 80 years.

And so i concur, we must learn to accept Fate, balance Time, cumalate Money and enjoy Life. Easier said then done. Accepting fate means adopting a passive approach and not fighting for what you want. Balancing time means dealing with the dilemma of time sacrifice between 2 events. Accumalating money and enjoying life are 2 concepts directly reverse of each other, to enjoy life, u have to spend money. There's no way around it, even if u consider eating ice cream as a form of enjoyment, u have to buy tat ice cream. Please do not tell me things like looking at the sunset is enjoying life, u still need money to take transport there. =)

Rotting at home is a perfect lifestyle for a useless person like me. yeah. Im useless to some extend, and just let me stay like tat for one more semester. A student should rot, and im currently fulfilling my duties. Seeing just how hectic and routine life is my frends that have started working, fills me with gratitude that im still a useless student who's onli concerns is getting a degree and .... okay, nvm the last part. so yeah.

Final piece before i go, go listen to Justin Lo's canto song entitled Yi Ju, meaning One Sentence in english. Veri groovy melody and extremely strong RnB flava~~~ oh yeah~~~ its ta flava babeh~~

Re-enrolment todae was a mess, the admin at SIM simply sucked. And yes, i dislike my course coordinator, she's veri inflexible and i secretly think she have a problem. Aite, shall not complain too much, im supposed to learn how to see things on the brighter side. But still, why did they tell me i can overload 5 modules in my last semester, onli to give me nonsense in the end? What need to apply for simi permission from wat stupid program coordinator and stuffs? Fuck man.

And so todae met the army guys for dinner and booze in the evening. Dinner was at Hip Diner, and the booze at Breks or something like tat. Im not especially fond of alcohol, but its okay with me. heh. Anyways its nice catching up with peter,sean, siong tai and chow wee, i do foresee us doing this all the way till we're 40 plus and married with kids. It kinda makes me glad to see all of them doing fine and getting on with their individual direction in life. =)

On to another issue. Its the bits and pieces that gets to you. They dun realli hurt much individually, but when they come in droves, it starts to hurt. Starts as a trickle initially, and then slowly a river flows forth. And then it precipitates...

Something's wrong with my stomach these days man, its always full of shit. Maybe its the stuffs i ate? There's always this full of shit feel to it man, infact, maybe im just so full of shit literally and metaphorically. yeah, maybe.

Life is like spitting into the air vertically upwards into the air, what goes up, in the end comes down in your face. So when your face gets hit with your own spit, u just have to wipe it off and lament for awhile. And then some chose to continue spitting, while others give up on spitting entirely. Yeah, im randomly rambling on some silly things. argh/

Recruit Foong

Been reading vanness's blog recently, and its kinda interesting reading how he, an ABC adapted to life in the taiwanese entertainment industry. End of the day, celebrities are still humans after all, they have their pains and struggles in life, so much for beautiful faces and adonis bodies.

Its funny, when u always had lots of ideas and stuffs to blog about, but when you're trying to recap what is those stuffs when u've loaded into the blank screen in blogger, you always forget. yeah, tat's what is happening to me. sigh.

Anyways, went to jurong point new extension todae to take a look at the changes. The expansion retained the architectural culture and feel jurong point itself, with pointed barricades and suspension bridges etc. More shops = more shopping choices (yes, i admit i like shopping. and yes, im 100% man), and what came as a surprise is Old Town Coffee had a branch in the new extension. No need to go till ECP to taste the legendary Old Town White Coffee.

Tml morn gotta wake up in around 6am to join "Jeremy's Tekong Farewell Escort Party". The party consists of me, fei zai and ah wei. Finally the old bastard is going to serve the nation alreadi, he's like 23 and i tink its high time he went in. He's the last guy in the gang to 'go touch tree'. Go for it mee kia, go touch some trees dude. =)

Beside him, thomas and yang zi also going in, but different timing. From here, i remembered the day before i went into army. Everything was so vivid and seems like it just happened yesterday man. I remembered taking a cab with my mum to pasir ris mrt, taking a separate chartered bus to tekong jetty. Joining up with mum at tekong jetty and waiting for the ferry that will take me to an island that i will be stuck on for 2 weeks.

On the ferry, some mums cried and most of the guys look realli gloomy. My side of the story is entirely different, i told my mum dun worry, and im just gonna serve the nation for 2 yrs. Its something every guy should and must go through, so no point getting upset over it. Rather face reality and get on with it, what started will definitely end. And so 2 yrs went past and i ORDed, going on the study in SIM.

My endeavours in Tekong is fun and interesting, making some interesting frends in the process. You get glimpses of politics within the company, and i simply cant be bothered about those silly stuffs. What's the point of putting up a show just so to get into the officer course? I believe in leaving things to fate, maybe im abit unconcerned, but the fact is there are greater things for me to worry then some stupid rank system.

Ah well, its time to sleep, i dun wanna look like a zombie tml morning. Shall TRY to take pictures tml at tekong and post it up here IF i have the chance ( and provided they allow us to bring in cameras). Nitez guys and gals. till another time.

Answers

Alrite peter, here i am answering ur question.

Question : How would i define a 'good' person.

Answer: A 'good' person to me, need not be prim and proper in various aspects as required by society, i believe what constitutes a person is infact his or her inner self. Inner self meaning the deeper entity that u answer to everyday, or in short, ur conscience.

Your conscience dictates decisions u make with regards to people to people relationships. A basic set of ethics and moral values govern our daily regime (sounds like OB sia... hahah) , and what is right and what is wrong. Alrite, abit like beating round the bush, lets save the formalities and go str8 to the point.

To me, a people are generic in nature, meaning i dun judge a person by his education level or any other societal basis. I once said before, i have frends that are labelled 'bad' company because they nvr study or are involved in gangland activities, yet those are the frends that are the most forthright with issues. Any displeasure they sound out, and once settled its settled.

On the contrary, educated folks tend to keep things to themselves, any displeasure they 'store' and release in 'packages behind your back'. Yes i am educated to a certain extend myself, and yes i do talk bad about people with mutual frends. But i do not backstab people and try to contort things to a form so as to make people think less of them.

So, back to the topic, to me a 'good' person is somebody that do not betray his or her frends, live life with a not-so-tainted conscience (its kinda impossible to live with a pure conscience these days, you most prob did something bad before), straight forward without being tactless and finally fulfill the moral values required like filial piety, loyalty and faithfullness etc.

The above values are not exclusive, there are other contributing factors as well that i cant seem to think of at the moment. So yeah.

And whether im a good person anot is not up to me to judge, but up to people around me. If u ask me from a 3rd person's view, i tink im not a good person, simply because i know all my dark secrets and evil thoughts. But i do agree that my conscience although not perfect, isnt that dark after all. I do complain here and there about people, but i also tell the person i complain in the face about what i dun like about him. Like ah wei, sometimes i tell him in a tactful way about what i tink is wrong. Its onli fair that u let tat person know what is wrong, rather then expecting him to find out for himself. If he knows what's wrong, he wouldnt be wrong in the first place.

There are an area that im veri proud of about myself, and people that realli knows me definitely knows what is it, so i dun wanna declare to people, arbo people will say i self praise. hahahss. Okays, peter, hope it answers ur questions, i wasnt in the best of mood these days, so i overlooked the promise. hahass, told you im not a 'good' person alreadi. I guess that might be why singlehood has chosen me for so long and refuse to let me go. =)

Sometimes u dig a hole so deep that u find it hard to climb out after sometime. So since there's no way back, might as well dig deeper.

Was catching up with zhengyi ytd over nai-cha (milk tea) at a HK cafe. As usual nice tea, expensive charges. $3.50 for a cuppa, sigh. Anyways, toking to zhengyi made me realized an aspect of him i didnt realli notice after all these years as frends. When we were recapping what happened in our lives these days, we toked about those sec skool hatreds, you know, people like dominic etc.

And i asked him why he didnt realli disliked anybody back then till now. He told me a sentence which i tink was veri matured and true. "Why look at somebody's bad points when u can simply look at the good points and feel better? Everybody has bad points, no one is perfect, if u realli cant get along with somebody, just be acquaintence lor, dun need to hate him one lah."

I was taken aback by his words, because they spoke lots of truth in them. Prejudices arises from your own perspective, adjust your perspective, people might not seem so bad after all. Dominic is noisy and fucked up, but his good point is if he dun like you, he wont hide stuffs and backstab you behind your back. Zhengyi told me all these, and i start to see this other side of him.

You know, close frends are close frends for a reason, it isnt simply fate that allow people to be close frends, takes alot of chemistry and understanding to be close frends. Just a passing thought, nothing in particular.

All the above have no relations to whatever happened in my screwed up life these few months. Dun tink too much, there's no more joke to be shared, no more stuffs to ridicule.

Before signing off, i wanna extend my condolences to the family of the killed hostage. Its kinda unexpected that somebody would pass on under such extreme circumstances. Terrorism is a contagion that is constantly spreading, and terrorists onli know how to terrorize innocent victims. They dare not bring the fight to the main targets, so they strike at the weak and defenseless people. In fact, we're too nice to captured terrorists, they should not be offered 'human rights' because they aint human at all. I dun care for what fuck they are fighting for, but to implicate innocent people just shows what kind of dogs they are.