Love Counselor...NOT!

How serious can u be when i comes to love? Have you ever asked urself this question? And if u say veri serious and sincere, on what basis? Ur own judgement? Everybody envelopes him or herself in this premonition that they are very serious, mostly verbally. But what matters and what other people see is your actions and the things u do. U can say u feel how and how and bla bla bla, but end of the day, no action.

I do understand that people do stuffs that they dun tell the person they like, and it results in a dilemma. If that person know, its like u're doing stuffs with a motive. On the contrary, if that person dun kw, its kinda meaningless rite? Although he/she might be happy that u did that, you DO want him/her to know. Dun tell me stuffs about being noble, you are not noble, u are dumb.

Worse thing that could happen is when that person got together with some fucktart and THEN he/she find out watever you did for her. And that's where a sad story realli starts. That person wanna be with you, but is locked down morally. And then u also due to moral reasons diam diam watch that fucktart destroys her life. Wow, where's the nobility in that?

I believe every single gal deserves and wants to be loved, its just by who. Which gal doesnt want a strong shoulder to lie on, a person to whine to, someone to share memories with? Its just who is the guy that they want to share their lives with. Needless to say, guys go after gals most of the time, and at any single time, there could be a few guys wooing a gal at one gal. You could say they're spoilt for choice.

And so, to choose which one? The best one. Which is the best one? Depends on the gal's criteria. Sometimes, they would rather not choose anyone and continue waiting for the white-horse-prince.

Believe me when i say, if u truly and sincerely like someone, ur actions will show and ur heart will know. Pluck up ur courage and give it a try, no matter the outcome, its a good experience. And bear in mind the fact that if she accepts u, u will treat her nice and wholeheartedly, therefore she shall find happiness with you. Never belittle your ability to give her happiness. :)

Okays, fuck man, im beginning to sound like some romance counselor though im single all my life. Hahahass, ah well, juz some pieces of how my heart functions, though abit selfish. 我想就这样牵着你的手不放开~~~

Back to life. Im still looking for a job, spiritually. hahhass. Im currently focusing on my training and diet, seeing results alreadi, but maybe its not that obvious ba. Im still surprised that i actually persevered all the way, i always tend to give up halfway. Hmms, infact, im going to extend the 14 days low carb to 30 days man. Its not that bad after the 1st week, i still have my cheat days once every week, so cravings are fine.

Todae, something funny happened, i was at bugis starbucks meeting this prudential agent called priscilla, which i find oddly familiar. After toking for awhile, i still haven recalled where have i seen her before. Then on my way home in the mrt, i remembered. She is ah sa's fren lah, pris. I sat in her car before that time when we went to marina south. Small world rite? rite.

And to illustrate why we need to cherish what we have now, is a song that tells about a regret that plagues a guy for the rest of his life. Aiyah, i dun know how to phrase it accurately lah, but if u understand me, u understand, dun understand, no point i try to make u understand also lah. hurhurs. So here we go :

保护

歌手：许志安

你把门轻轻关上离开他的谎话
失望比悲伤强烈疲倦的泪留下
你心里有幅相框爱应该像个天堂
结果爱原来更像无止尽的流浪
你忽然停止说话靠在我肩膀上
一瞬间心在摇晃有抱你的渴望
翻往日美好时光让我们乱了方向
我想起无辜的她正在等我回家
很抱歉不能陪你到天亮
很抱歉不能像从前一样
空荡的夜风变凉把我的外套披上
答应我好好的让我送你回家
很抱歉不能抱紧你不放
很抱歉只能藉给你肩膀
无助时逃进过往是最危险的地方
我只能这样保护你请你原谅

我们站在月光下影子拖的好长
像怀念无法隐藏被摊在大街上
你的泪无声落下打湿了我的胸膛
现在的情不自禁会是以后的伤

Jason's : Im more certain i made the right choice after reading the past blog entries. :)

Magic 80

Ti da ti da ti da, the clock goes, and my heart goes pok pom pok pom. Slack daily at home, with nothing much to do except watching dramas whole day long. An enviable lifestyle? I exercise , eat healthily while watching various dramas on my computer, sleeping when i feel like it, stoning whenever i like. Freedom. hurhurs.

I wanted to find a job, and mee kia had some OCBC lobang. Heard from him its about doing some events stuffs, cause i told him explicitly i had enough of credit card selling and picking up phone calls from screaming customers. I wanna do something more physical, moreover working for OCBC i can kw some managers so that when i graduate, i have connections in OCBC. heh.

Matured? im not realli sure, but i do know everyday u learn something, no matter how trivia. Im veri explosive these days, temper aint veri good and i have a veri low tolerance for stupid and dumb people. Something is acting up and im going abit bonkers. I scold people that do dumb things in game, everything i see just kinda piss me off sometimes, i dun know why. ( Actually i do know why im so moody, im missing ... )

And therefore i scolded fei zai yesterday, and fei zai's fren just now. sigh, and tinking back, why was i so agitated man, where's the composure that i used to have? I used to laugh things off and just smile though im kinda piss with some people doing dumb stuffs in game, but these days, the darker side is showing up. I gonna reassess myself again man. not right lah the attitude.

All in all, i guess im juz a little kid deep inside, with the rare temper flares and mood swings. Im nice and dandy most of the time, but everybody has some kinda down period. Im just a normal guy after all. Even buddha got fire rite? rite. :)

Where is everybody when u need somebody to tok to man. I got truckloads to unload man, who is willing to listen to what i have to say? Lunch or dinner people, anytime.

Jason's : Im kinda surprised, i do hope its realli her.

.中.华.英.雄.

"Baby, if u managed to survive, then please remember, mummy loves you." This is the last msg a mother keyed into her handphone before using her body to protect her baby from the falling building before she died. The China Sze Chuan Earthquakes are devastating lives and tons of sad stories are flowing out from the afflicted areas. Sometimes i wonder, who suffers more? the dead or the living?

Ah, enough emo stuffs, i know im a grown man but such stuffs still make me sad. The greatest love in the world is the love a mother have for her child. Remember that.

Todae marks the 7th day of the 14 day low carb plan, and i happily say it works. Dropped 2 kgs alreadi in this first week, not very obvious in the mirror though, but still, 2 in a week is good. In fact im considering extending the low carb plan all the way till the start of skool man, its not too bad, though u do get sick of tuna and salads lah. I gotta fit into the Bruce Lee shirt no matter what.

Jason's : Its predetermined im a Tiong Kok Hero, solitude for life. :)

Chosen Path

I dun kw whether i've changed anot, its just 5 days. But my discipline is phenomenal. Im loving my new life now. New eating habits, new outlook and stuffs. Im never a hunk, but i can at least do my best to get into shape. Taking it slow and steady now, the day will come.

Lyrics of a song from the popular drama huang jing lu, its realli quite meaningful, to me at least.

路

我们都该 回头看看 来时路
就算起风 偶尔有雾 模糊不了幸福
我们都该 在心里数数 感动的次数
谁陪你疯 谁陪你笑 拍拍肩一起追逐

多少爱错过了才看清楚
多少事无法弥扑才认输
多少次以为找到了幸福
却发现一开始就是个错误

每一段路都是一段领悟
珍珠再夺目 留不住心头热呼呼
真心的鼓舞 能温暖一生的旅途
每一段路 难免荆棘密布
把坚持牢牢握住 不怕艰难险阻
学会去爱 就不会迷路

I always said this before, simplicity is a felicity of life. What's the best thing about me? Go mull over it. :)

^China's earthquake disaster reminded me how insignificant my daily pursuits are, people are struggling to survive and im still living in my fancy romantic world. duh.^

Jason's : Tomolo is cheat day! yeah!

Closing Time

The clockworks of Fate are moving once again. I feel the downward spiral now, but its a good time realli, cause negative stuffs kinda spurs u on to do things u normally wont do. And that gives u a perseverance and determination like no other.

I think things are getting simpler and simpler. People keeps things from me, and yeah, i do understand why. Some laugh, some ridicule and most dissuade. They just wanna hear one sentence from me, a veri simple sentence consisting of 3 words.

Sad to say, people look down on me, and its understandable, cause i've been a NATO all these while. Even after these times, im starting to doubt myself. But nonetheless, i've gathered myself again, now focusing on myself. Who are the true frens? You never know how dark a person's heart can be. You never know...

Alrite, that shall be the last entry for the that event ba. Shall focus on building myself now. Where are those frens that will stand by you no matter what? Those frens that believe in traditional loyalty? Those that will tide through hardships with you? Those that will lend their hands to you no matter how tough the going gets? Those frens that will be steady with you all the way, never betraying you and keeping stuffs from you? They never existed.

Ah well, u cant depend on people, the only one u can depend on, is urself. So ya, im on the 4th day of the low carb, its working, i feel something burning within me, so im kinda warm like a furnace. Hurhurs. Tomolo will start phrase 2 alreadi. Im happy because im veri determined now.

Im sick of chicken now, i shall stick to tuna. Chicken is veri mafan to prepare lah, and i fucking hell bought 1KG worth of fillets from NTUC, then within 3 days must finish it. So i kinda eat chicken for the whole day todae. Fucking sick of it can? Definitely no more chicken, for a week at least. Im sticking to tuna. Tuna tastes DAMN nice with lettuce and tomatoes. hurhur.

Im so glad that i knew muscle-man kert man, he gave me ideas on stuffs and is also a martial arts fan. heh. This holidays, might be the turning point of my life. Notice the MIGHT be, cause like i said, im still doubting myself. If my plan is successful, then maybe i will go join kert's MMA dojo. :)

Ah wei's business is starting up soon, after nearly 1 yr of planning and getting ready, its rolling out in mid june, or so he says. I hope it doesnt gets procrastinated any longer, its been so damn long that we lost the market initiative alreadi. Sigh. But since he insists his plan is much better then the competitors' , i chose to belief in his ideals. :) If this works, ah wei will be swimming in money. hahass. :)

There's a new singer on the horizon, his name is Wu Jia Hui. His song 虽然我愿意, is damn nice. He wrote the song himself i tink, another talented fellow in the musical field. Makes me wonder how come i can never write songs as nice as those written by them. Izzit lack of romantic experience, or izzit lack of creativity? I tink its both.

Im not a very superstitious person, but i tink the prophecy on my japan trip is coming true. Im still keeping my fingers crossed lah, but yeah, i do hope things go smoothly this year. And to those people that wanna watch show, u most prob wont have a show to watch.

P.S. : Who is the 'alert' that tagged on my blog ah? Its not sebastian, who are u?

Jason's : Naive no more.

Going on Strong

Started yesterday, didnt do anything heavy, still abit lethargic from the exam period. Perfect weather for a swim, might go for a swim later. MIGHT. :)

Im feeling abit weak and hot, dun kw why, but i tink should be okay with time ba. Need to adjust myself to the new lifestyle and diet. Im starting to miss rice and noodles alreadi. Sigh. Well, all this is for a better tml aint it? :)

Genting trip was quite enjoyable, though we kinda sleep less then 8 hrs in Genting itself, most of the time we're at the casino gambling. yep, u heard rite, we became gambling addicts. hahass. Initially won quite a sum, but then i felt invincible and almost showhanded everything on one bet. Then lose. So im back to square 1. hahass. But its all for fun lah, so whether win or lose also like tat.

Genting is a good place to kinda think about things, u're far from everyone cept for the guys, and u do think bout things on the bus trip to and fro. The cold weather there suits me just fine, cause i sweat alot in hot places, so cold places is perfect for me. heh.

There were some not so good times though, but nonetheless, its quite a enjoyable trip for me. The bus ride back wasnt so pleasant for rei though, poor fellow had to sit at the front of the bus with no comfort seat. He's damn pissed about it, if its me, i would too. Imagine sitting 5 hrs on some uncomfortable hard surface.

Okies. enough bout Genting, gambling is realli bad, i've seen too many examples at genting alreadi. hurhur. Oh boy, can i last 14 days, i realli wonder. But like i said, if i dun carry on with this, i will commit suicide. So yeah, i guess death is scarier then giving up. :P

Frends. They come in all shapes and sizes, they come in all kinds of peculiar personalities. U accept everything, their good and their shit, that's y u be frends with them. When i say we're frends, i perceive a bond between us, and im known to be loyal if u're nice to me. I believe in the loyalty personified by Guan Yu, so in chinese, i value Yi Qi alot. But im not blind and dumb, i will onli be steady if the other party is steady. I will not be made used of. I can perform something for u, take me for granted, u take care ba.

Okies, time to sleep. so yeah. nites. and im abit upset. about msn that is. sigh.

Jason's : Life, oh life.

No Zouk

Some people like to make their problem, my problem. If u are unhappy or in a bad mood, dun fucking vent ur anger on ur frens and leave in the middle of a game. There is onli 2 persons who i allow them to vent their anger on me. My mum and her. The rest can fuck off and die for all i care.

Didnt join the guys at Zouk, because firstly, im kinda broke, and the money i wanna save and go spend in Genting tomolo. Secondly, i went to a counselling session just nw, and what they say made me retink lots of stuffs. They meant well for me, im not stubborn, im just.... i dun kw how to explain lah, there is something urging me to hang on. Try to understand me guys, i realli realli need to see this thru. No matter the outcome.

Todae had a glimpse of what is low carb diet, its actually quite nice. I have planned my daily meals for the next 2 weeks, based on my own preferences and i shall convert to 6 small meals per day system. Starting next monday, i shall embark on this low carb thingy and train diligently. :)

How to motivate myself? Simple. I tink men's health model and passing my ippt and the fat stigma. not forgetting.... lolx... anyways, i want 6 pec by december, and i wanna tone up this 2 mths. Easy to say lah, im also sick of being a NATO (No Action Tok Only), so just do it lor, no need tink too much.

K, short entry, enough, im picking up the pieces of my sanity currently. Im starting to go weird, maybe its the influence ba. Weird.

Jason's : Im blind, not deaf.

Uhuh, What's next?

If onli u realised the courage required. This entry, will be abit darker in nature. I dun know who reads this thing here, but for those of you who is reading this story right from the start, u do understand how much the story means to me this time.

Been toking to people, and im once again reminded of somethings. Shouldnt be that way, but yeah, its that way. I dun usually tok to people on msn, but i recently find gaming to be quite boring, therefore i tok to those acquaintances more to find out more about them. There's alot happening behind the curtains like i said, and u can feel these dark undercurrents flowing. But then again, there are some information that u are dying to know initially, then after knowing, u wished u dun kw. Sigh. Irony.

Last paper ended todae. Happy happy happy. Went out to eat dinner after exams. After that went home. See, feel and then know. Its nearli 6am in the morning and im still bloggin here. Self-explainatory. Enough.

From tomolo onwards, time to pick up the pieces of what's left of my fitness and go about my routine. Not gonna whine bout how much lard i have on me, on the contrary, this time, not gonna say much. Next week is the start of low carb fortnight. I will commit suicide if i eat carbs during that 2 weeks. I will fucking kill myself rite there on the spot. Fuck the fats, like what someone says, its a social stigma.

The heart once again opens wider, and im now able to swallow more shyt. I kinda adviced lots of people on msn just now. A dude asked me about his aimlessness in life. Adviced him and discovered im very strong psychologically. A dude asked me about his gal problems. Adviced him and discovered im very creative. Got fucked upside down by a dude, hung on and brushed off his advice to give up. Ya i know, happening rite my msn? rite.

The world makes me so despondent sometimes man, its stifling just trying to cope with my life and i still have to share some of my optimism with people. Walk the path and though u might not arrive at the destination, u walked. Veri random stuffs i know, there's meaning in them, u just need to decipher randomly. Got it? No? Nvm.

"Dun tok to me until u are awake", i was told. Im not asleep in the first place. Im not blinded mind you. The strength to believe and persevere isnt easy to come by. Its not my ego damn you, im not you, its just the belief in....

Jason's : A immortal god can be slain by a formless sword called love.

Ah Lam

Todae was OT paper, i smoke till i dun even kw what im writing, i was kinda tinking my answer was not relevant to the question. But i applied all the theories involved, so i wasnt sure whether its correct or not. Watever lah, since its over, fuck it. I like the notion that once something is over, dun brood over it, screw and heck it lah, over means over, no point hogging on it rite?

I can understand if people tell me that its impossible and very hard etc... But i got kinda pissed when somebody told me that he pity me. Was chatting as usual on msn, and it came to that topic, and its understandable that he dislikes that person. But dun freaking tell me that u pity me, its not a sin to like someone, and in the end, she's still a normal gal after all. Dun make it sound as if she's some kinda monster and im super dumb to fall for her. Whether or not it works out, i dun need your stupid sympathy and watever i do, i do it without regrets. If you're reading this, im not trying to diss you here, but please keep your ego in check.

Okies, toking about msn, i've been toking more to "muscle-man" nicholas these days, and it seems there's alot of undercurrents within our lecture hall. He told me stuffs that i dun wanna put down here, because its kinda weird lah, announcing other's people's business here. Anyways, i've seeked his advice on how to lose weight faster, and he's technique abit crazy leh -.-"" No wonder he's biceps are so big. hahass.

And still on the topic on msn, for the past 2 days, i was chatting with somebody till 6am in the morning. Its interesting how people from different backgrounds click sometimes, and people are usually more then they look. All along i tot she's just another one of those pretty and veri popular gals, but though popular, she's still humble and very approachable. Very lame, craps alot too. hurhurs. But too bad, im alreadi interested in someone else le. And she's not chinese, so its a total no no.

This semester will be officially over after next tuesday's PM exams, and then i shall worry about finding a job again. sigh. And worse yet, i need to worry about where to get money for my next semester's fees. Bank Loan? Only way out, though i hate the notion of being indebted before i even started working.

Sean bro is having some r/s issues it seems, adviced him abit. I feel that since he feels for her and she is veri into him, they should give it a try. i like to call it "taking the plunge", because u need to at least try to see where the road leads. Taking any road, is better then staying put. People might not agree with me, some say they're afraid of getting hurt and stuffs like that, but then again, how did u learn to walk? U definitely fell down before being able to walk when u were young, so where is that courage? The courage that you possess since you were a kid?

To me, life is veri simple, its about giving things a chance. I've had frends that tried, and they found the love of their life. There are those that failed as well, but no matter, they learned from the experience and became a better lover to the next fated one. People learn from mistakes more then they learn from books. In fact, we human beings learn everything from mistakes. Making mistakes is never the issue, its the courage to admit u made a mistake and learn from it that's the point.

I've never been in a relationship before, but i do know the pain of losing somebody, the heart-wrenching feeling that u have to let go of someone u sincerely love. Rather then immersing yourself in sadness and locking urself up emotionally, why not be happy for the times that u have at least spent with them? Like a saying that i saw on a t-shirt, "Do not cry because its over, smile because it happened.".

Though i seem nonchalant and happy-go-lucky each and everyday, alot goes thru my mind. I like to observe things and reactions, trying to understand things. To me, happiness is innate, meaning you have to find it within you. This may sounds dumb, but you're happy because u feel like being happy. Get it? If not, never mind, im kinda lazy to explain it, go give it some thought.

Okay lah, enough alreadi, todae was abit long winded, so concluding this entry hor, sean bro, i do hope your choice will be a positive one. And i do hope your blessing for me works this time around. heh. Wish me luck, i most prob need lots of it. ^_-


(P.S.) I said i will paste a song lyric here tis entry, so here it is:

想太多 - 李玖哲

你笑着说
他是朋友
但你眼中太温柔
我的不安
那么沉重
只有你不懂
他霸占了你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说
我们不是你和我
是我想太多
你总这样说但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

Jason's : This is a veri meaningful entry to me. Todae was a important day.

Heroic Demon or Demonic Hero?

Tonite is those nite again. Listening to emo songs, getting emo about life again. hurhur. My emo is not that kinda kiddish emo, i would choose to believe it is enveloped in a romantic atmosphere draped and decorated with elegance. The background music will most prob be soothing RnB, and the temperature around 25-26 degrees. Perfecto.

Might sounds dreadful and unappealing to some people, but to me, this kind of nite is just like a mtv. Wait till i show you how comfortable this state is, my world and my unique brand of hybrid culture. Take the plunge, believe me, the side of me, that nobody ever saw. =)

Okies, now now now, i should at least blog something related to my entry title rite? I've been labelling my entries with nonsense for so long, its time to write something related. Demon and Hero, they meant opposites of each other, yet there's just a fine line defining both of them.

A hero, one who helps and saves people. A demon, one who harms and kills people. Yet the line is blurred, there is no absolute hero, and no absolute demon. Humans are born to be perceptive creatures, and like in my earlier entry, our perception is shaped by the environment and culture that we were brought up in.

Morality is the issue to consider during judgment. If a man does something against the moral standards set by society, he is a demon. Yet society is not always rite, they simply insists they are rite. Nobody ever gave society the power to judge between right and wrong, not even god can judge what is right and what is wrong.

Right and wrong are never absolute, they're simply vague phrases. The leverage between these 2 phrases is moral and ethics. And yet again, moral and ethics are denoted by man himself. A hero is a demon most of the times, because since the world is never fair, when he saves somebody, he will hurt somebody.

A man that kills an enemy leader is deemed a hero and is held in high esteem by his fellow countrymen, yet to the enemy citizens, he is a demon who killed their hero. Its like Rambo is a hero to the americans, but he is a demon to the vietnamese. And taking sides with morality, the americans were the aggressor during the vietnam war.

Imagine, u fight well, u fight to protect your loved ones. You are a hero to your loved ones, but to the families of those people that u sent to the hospital, you are a demon. They would love to see u get killed. The bottom line is, everyone have a mother, as far as possible, dun try to do something that will break their mothers' hearts.

Fight only when necessary, as far as possible, diplomacy and endurance is the best. And i do understand the existence of the egoistic few that thinks they are the best, but my word of advice as a man who went thru all that = The higher you place yourself, the greater the fall from grace. If you think veri highly of yourself, think again. Being confident is good, but not to the point of arrogance.

Okays, time to sleep, nxt entry i will put in the lyrics of a new song ( i tink its new lah, i didnt hear it before until yesterday. lolx). Ciaoz!

Jason's : I currently not interested in other gals. Sorry.