the one about the failure in life
Okay, i failed the m9 again. Though i would love to put all the blame on the test being rigged etc, ultimately the fact is smacking me in the face: its my fault. I admit i didnt realli study for it, so i guess its orbi for me. Big waste of money for no obvious reasons at all, except my own laziness, so fuck me.
Anyways laziness has always been a deadly sin that is stopping me from becoming the man that i am supposed to be. Im so fucking lazy that its appalling i managed to drag my sorry ass till this stage in life. Ah well, though they say habits are die hard, this slacking streak must come to an end. Must end.
I have lots of update this entry, so bear with me eh? After bitching bout how lazy i am and how fucked up i feel failing the m9 again, i shall enlighten people on what i have been doing this few final weeks of freedom before i start work.
Muay thai was fun and i've went to the muay thai/ judo camp and knew lots of new ppl. I wasnt a veri effective OGL, cause maybe being the oldest there makes me feel kinda awkward, but surprisingly my whole group joined muay thai rather then judo, maybe i have some kind of hidden influence after all eh? hahaha =p
But seriously, im beginning to appreciate muay thai and the people there. All of them are realli nice ppl and the coaches are all realli nice ppl as well. Training is tough, but i find myself improving, my technique and overall strenght on a ascending climb. I might not be the best fighter out there, but at least i train slowly at my own pace and in the long run, this investment will pay off. I think. hahaha
I will be starting work nxt tuesday, so im kinda vexed and excited. Vexed because i have yet to pass my m9 and if i dun pass it, i might be jobless. Excited because of the new ppl and enviroment i will be in. Sincerely i simply hope i will do well in the job and earn some cash to buy and do stuffs that i want. Revamp room, get my license etc... And finally get a car.
Getting a car isnt as simple as ABC though, i need to carefully plan out the finances required to support 1. Either i will save up and full cash a jap car, or save up 100k to down for a BMW Z4. The second option is abit far fetched lah, cause 100k is no small amount. Infact giving it more thought, do i realli need a car? i mean the various upkeep costs are all immerse liabilities. Ah well, shall plan when i have the money, right now, maybe dun tink so much first ba, i need to survive the first 6 mths on the job first.
Relationship wise, i have to be veri honest here. I have not met somebody that strikes up an interest even though i've met a lot of ppl this few mths. And i doubt i will meet anybody special at work too, because the fact is im still veri much tied up. I have given up trying to do something about the knot, because everytime i try, it gets tighter. And its for the best also, focus on career and be a single rich man, then be tied down and be a troubled attached man. hahah
Whatever it is, i nvr hated her and will never ever hate her. Pissed yes, but never hatred. Never ever.
Aites, moving on, in the past i used to think about converting my blog to some financial blog or some other sort of non-romantic blog. But i tink fuck it ba, i am a somebody that is romantic and emotional, and moreover this is my blog, i write whatever i wan as long as im not inciting some racial wars or watever. So yes, i shall write about how i feel about the world in general and guy gal relationships and psychology.
Toking bout psychology, i was at a RT training last weekend, when i overheard 3 guys chatting. They were saying which faculty gals are prettiest and stuffs like that, which is normal. But then they kinda went into judge-dread mode and started saying which faculty have bitches and bimbos etc. I listened and started thinking to myself: Why judge people when u guys aint the cream of the crop? Even if u are indeed the cream of the crop, who gave u the right to judge people?
Seriously speaking, i tink majority of the RT guys are the weak fellows in the male population of singapore, including me. So the stuffs these 3 nerds were toking about is kinda ironic. Whether they are bimbo or smart people or whatever they are, that's the way they are. They dun judge u, so why go and judge people? Ah well, juz a thought, cause i myself cannot escape from judging ppl sometimes, though i try to tell myself not to.
Tick tock tick tock i tink its time to rest. Dun kw why, i get tired easily these days. I've been watching House M.D. these few days, and its REALLI scary when every single fuck thing seems like some symptoms of some dread disease. Cb, think too much alreadi. hahaha
Oh ya, before i forget, people keep asking me a question whenever they see me. Its getting annoying, and i tot maybe i should explain things here. Yes, i still like her. But its like you like a ferrari, but u know u can never afford one. Get what i mean? Like doenst mean need to get together. As long as she's happy, she can hate me all she wan and im just as happy seeing her happy. So stop asking me whether i still like her anot because i will still tell u the same answer be it 5 yrs or 10 yrs. Its a preferencial feeling u have for something or someone, not that kind of 'i-must-own-her' kind of feeling. Understand??? =)
Jason's : Failing M9 is like being forced to look into ur own joblessness. If u get what i mean. Pardon my lousy language. =(
