Work work work...

Not updating much these days. Currently working at COMEX and trying to finish up my project parts, so i dun have much time. Reach home,do project, sleep, wake up, go work. Boring cycle.

Lots of people at COMEX, and yes, loads of customers. Tiring, but its fun, the system is still the same, and the people there are fun, though i stick with Meekia and Rusty most of the time. Im gona sleep soon, tml needa go work at 10am. Fook one, im ALWAYS late for work. zzz

Oh ya, i found out that im regularly being stabbed in the back. But its okay, i can take it whichever way they want it. The 'they' refers to those people backstabbing me from all walks and sectors of life. Im just one fat guy trying to live his life the way he deems it, so what matters is i am satisfied with my life, why should i bother what u people say about me? =)

Lastly, i saw ah-song at the COMEX just now, turns out he worked at starhub before too. I tink im inspired again, so im gonna change again. lolx. But slowly ba, should be a gradual change.

Jason's : This is the last entry that im gonna put in a "Jason's" section. Next entry onwards, everything will be free rein.

Proximization

Gonna go for IPPT later at khatib camp. Yes, why khatib camp? Because i am a last minute warrior, and all maju camp slots have been taken. So yes, i have to travel from Boon Lay to Yishun just to fail my ippt. fuck.

Im contemplating running in my army boots later in the evening, but it will look damn funny lah. I initially plan to run in boots for a week, then the next week im gonna strap on 5kg leg weights on each leg and plan to jog around with them. Im not as worried bout the torture as im worried bout being the laughing stock of the estate. lol. Shall tell u people on the next entry if i try it. =)

Went to the gym yesterday, and i tink its starting to not work anymore. I used to be sore after training everytime, though the sore period always get shorter and shorter. And todae when i woke up, no sore. Yes, no sore, which means either 1, im not training hard enough, 2, my body has adapted to the routine. Both of which is not good. I tink i need to plan out another circuit routine to simulate the body again. Sigh, troublesome sia.

SAF forced me to cut my hair on monday, and the barber gave me a stupid hairstyle. Its kinda like those dumb and dumber hair style. Sibei ugly and i totally look like a retard. Thanks to wax, i can style my hair till nice nice, so people think my hairstyle is nice, which in actual fact without styling, it sucks. But come to tink of it, im never good-looking lah, so cut wat hair also like tat, who cares?

Reuban says i've slimmed down alot, but i tink he is hallucinating lah. I tink im still the same fat me, i dun realli see any change at all, except maybe for bigger arms ba. What troubles me is my face is still fat. Its not like u train super duper hard, then the face will get slimmer overnight, fats is lost from the whole body slowly, there's no 'target-area' reduction. And the best gauge of whether u are fat anot is not the weighing scale, i have a system.

This is for guys onli. Jump up as high as u can infront of the mirror. After u land, whatever u see still shaking after 3 secs is fats. You have to lose weight if u have pieces on your body that shakes, the more vigorous the shaking, the fatter u are.

For those that know, saturday is LM test, and as usual, i haven started studying. I dun kw, i dun have the mood to start at all. And i tink i wont be going for the night cycling thingy. Dun ask me why.

Alrite, shall not think too much. Its ippt-at-yishun-time! I gonna go bathe le. Cya guys next entry!

Jason's : Its all locked up, please dun dig it out.

Tomorrow, i will be going for reservist in the morning. Hopefully my OC is a understanding man. Good things rarely happen to me, and i pray hard at least things go smoothly for me this time.

Went out with starhub fellows on friday, infact, its just jiawei, edward yiansin and me for the dinner, and later on sebastian joined us for kopi. Jiawei isnt his usual cheerful self anymore, there's this tinge of solemnness that revolves around him. Edward as usual is leading a charmed life, studying in SMU, a dance enthusiast and a stable 5 yr gf.

Yiansin juz broke off with her bf 2 weeks earlier, but she seems normal. And my best buddy during Starhub days : Sebastian Ng Kian Boon, grew super fat. You know, once he joined us for kopi, the entire mood changed, we were laughing our heads off. Sebas is a veri str8-forward and in-your-face fellow.

If u dun kw him, u will feel he is tactless and rude. But infact, sebas is that kinda fren u need when u need to know the truth. If u're fat, he will tell u u're fat. And what makes him so special is because he's happy with who he is. We told him he grew fatter, and he laughed it off, telling us what matters the most is he's happy though he's fat. Great fellow, but if u cannot stand his honesty, u will think otherwise.

And so they asked bout me. I didnt say anything much, no point saying too much ba. Im juz another 25 yr old guy struggling with life, trying to pay for all my bills and graduating with a degree. Im not a whiner, and i try veri hard not to be, so yes, im trying my best to solve my problems.

*this has no relation to my post*
Fuck lah, why are there ppl tat are SO self-centred in this world. Fuck.

Jason's : Im quarreling with somebody online now. So im abit agitated.

Lamrim

Monday im going back for reservist. Hopefully can get a deferment, even if i cant, its alright, because i need the money they will be paying me.

For another issue, i got the message in the face. i got the message, dun worry, im not dumb. I mean wat i said, and i will do wat i said.

Back to where i left off, reservist should be quite fun, the medics in my unit are frendly and nice. At least on first impression. Tml will be meeting the starhub fellows for dinner, im looking forward to see how those guys are doing.

I did pretty much next to nothing todae, except for playing basketball with mee kia and the dogs. Tok rot, play ball and do stunts, the usual basketball antics. And at the end of the day, i always go home with calf cramps. sigh.

Im watching fencing now on channel 5, and pardon me if u're a fencing fan, i find it quite boring. Poke here poke there, fun meh? I dun kw man, its not my cup of tea. Basketball and soccer sounds better. =)

And i suddenly developed a interest for buddhist meditation. Yes, meditation. Sit there, breathe in, breathe out. I googled the correct buddhist meditation technique and tried it for awhile. The feeling was quite good, cause i hardly have the time to sit down and concentrate on clearing my mind.

Jason's : Lamrim: The Stages of the Buddhist Path

Memoirs of a Chinese Orchestrian...

I deleted my previous entry because its too emo. After reading thru, i realised its kinda silly. I say i tried, which infact i didnt, im just trying to run away from it all. For those that read the deleted entry last nite, keep it to urselves ya? thks. =)

Im going back for reservist next monday. My deferment failed, but its okay lah, i wont die if i go back to camp. I know LM test is coming, so if my OC dun defer me, i go inside study LM lor. I tink if indeed i study LM inside camp, i cfm get full marks for the test one. Tear me away from my computer, and the only things i do is study and train.

Im looking at my recent picture taken on monday during the outing, and i like what i see, it looks much better then the fat me 2 mths ago. Im losing weight slowly, and im starting to see some build. =). Oh ya, i show u guys the picture im toking about ba.
















Im not trying to act cute, i juz happen to stick out my tongue when the camera clicked. hohoho.

I found a job, working at the upcoming PC show from 28th to 31st of this mth. But thks to my reservist, i cannot confirm with my frend yet, because if i cannot defer, how to work? -.-

Im listening to MATSURI by KITARO now, and memories of my chinese orchestra days during secondary school comes flowing back. I used to play the DI ZI, or chinese flute way back during those days. I might not look much, but im the Di Zi Section Leader lor. Dun pray pray ah. lolx

I remembered vividly how inspired i was during the combined practice. Initially i tot its kinda boring juz blowing on a stupid pipe and the onli joy it gave me was i felt like some ancient swordsman. But when we started the combined practice for Matsuri, there's this unstoppable sense of awe that the combined song instills in you. Same goes for Nan Jiang Jun Ling, or the Huan Fei Hong song, if u guys kw wat i meant.

And so i fell in love with the chinese flute, learning it for 4 yrs before i gave it up when i went to polytechnic. I actually tried to join NP's chinese orchestra, but i gave it up to join dragonboat, where i also dropped out to join NP Strings. I can still vaguely remember how to play the Di Zi, but i tink i lost the skill alreadi. Such a waste man. I was given a good musical start, yet i didnt cherish it. Sigh.

Ah well, time to sleep, tml got lessons on. I shall tell u guys more about myself in the future entries. My life story isnt veri interesting, but at least give me a chance to tell you more about myself. =)

Jason's : I will have to cut my hair during reservist. Fuck.

Lots to blog about this entry. I've slacked for 3 days in a row, kinda like taking a long break before starting on training again. I guess i will do it once every mth, lets the body recover and unwind before going the distance again.

Candy, a sweet with wrapper around it. Everyone wans a candy with a nice wrapper, but u never kw whether its sweet inside. And in the event theres a candy with a nice wrapper, everyone wants it. But if the wrapper is veri thick and takes alot of effort to peel, they give up and then go on to buy another candy.

And then there are those special few that stayed around to bother to unveil the candy slowly. And when new kids come around and see the candy with the nice wrapper, they also wanted the candy. And so the kid who is slowly peeling the candy is feeling unsecure with so many others eyeing his candy. The kid knows, some kids tinks the wrapper is nice, so they wan it, but when they taste the candy itself, they find its not their taste, they spit it out. So the poor candy is now left alone in the sand. That's why the kid is determined to protect his precious little candy from harm, and promised never to spit out the candy.

The story of the kid and his candy. hahass. just some random story lah. =)

Alrite, back to reality, im tinking of starting a new venture again. Seraphine has became an internal purchasing unit, u know, as in buying in PsPs for auction use. Or so i would tink lah, im not selling PSPs to outsiders le, but if u kw me, i can get sets for u peeps at cheap prices. heheh.

My new venture will be something out of ordinary. A web-based setup as usual to lower startup costs. All the partners have been found, and shall be discussing initial details soon. Whether it succeeds anot, its another matter, i wan the experience most importantly. Will be taking charge of the marketing and purchasing aspects. But have to confirm ba, now haven even tink of the company name yet, better dun tink so far. lol.

I know ppl tat hallucinate. They tink too much sometimes, and they start to hallucinate about how good they were etc. Somethings they say are totally unbelievable and u tend to tink they are just mad idiots. People hallucinate when they are low self-esteem and low confidence, therefore imagining things to consciously lie to themselves. Its sad, but u cannot point out this truth to them, they will hate u and most prob stab u with a knife, because they are mad in the first place. Crazy fellows.

Lastly, there are egoistic ppl in the world that needs to be taught a lesson. He tinks he's a strong fighter, he tinks he's all mighty and everyone is afraid of him. Better wake up from the dream man, u can be taken out as easily as an ant. When people dun say anything, dun take it that people are afraid. Believe me when i say, if somebody wants u to die and not be caught by the law, there's a thousand and one ways to do that.

So wake up the idea, and start to control ur ego. If u meet people i have met, u wouldnt tink u are the best in the world. For example, there's my good fren who aims people's families instead of them. He will harass those closest to you like your parents of your siblings, because he tells me, a person's weakness is his kin. No man, no matter how strong and great, will b reduced to a crying wreck when his family is slaughtered.

My fren is mad rite? Dun know why, but i know mad ppl like these. They are the ppl with the tendency to become those serial killers man. But its heng i know these mad fellows, that i understand the fact that we are just small people in a huge world populated with mad ppl. I would rather just stick to my beautiful little world, then to be egoistic and get slaughtered. Best thing yet, they dun need to go to jail, cause they are mentally unsound. Shen jing bings...=.="

Jason's : Do your chain hang low? Is it white or is it gold? yo yo yo~~

Virgin Pic....

Okays, so this is the first picture i put up which feature myself. Dun complain lah, i dun take much pictures, so this is like kinda rare. (I know, i got big face. =.=)

Todae went back to camp for refresher course. Got poked in the arm as usual, IV isnt pain at all man, its juz a hot feeling in ur arms with blood flowing out. No, its not gross, its a life saving skill mind you. lol

While shitting in the toilet this afternoon in camp, i though about lots of things. And i officially grew up one notch. I will find a job, earn some cash to play stocks and most important of all, i need money to pay my bills!

One more thing i must say, i tink i dun realli show much care and concern to my frends. There's alot about them i dun kw, and im ashamed to say that. Why do i tink this way? Because i know of a person that cares alot for her frends, yet doesnt verbally express it. She always does it in her own quiet way. And that's just one of the reason why i respect her so much, she does things with no motives at all. Perfect gal.

And to anonymous who tagged, you're right about mazlow's theory. But to me, shouldnt we look back at how blessed we are to start in the middle of the hierarchy, where we dun have to worry bout our basic needs? Ah well, i gonna go sleep, tml need to wake up at 6am. sigh. nitez babe.

Jason's : Training is a part of my life. I alreadi slacked 2 days le. hahass =p

不要哭

How strong can u be? Before u say anything, if u say u are strong, then u are mostly not. Why do i say that? Because i know of veri strong people. Emotionally. Respect and admiration is what i have for that person. If its me, i most prob would have gone crazy alreadi. Anyways this information is privy, so i shall not say anything more.

Im veri disappointed with myself, i sucked. Why am i so shy. Wah lan eh, not rite lah, where is the courage? Why can people do something so normally and yet i cant? Lots of why, and the main problem lies with me, im afraid. 我怕她生气 .

SM project deadline is on friday, but im taking it easy. I started todae, and im supposed to be doing it now. Whatever im supposed to do, im definitely not doing it, cause im blogging here rite? yupz, i officially hecked my project for another day. Tomolo will be the last day, i tink i will do it tomolo ba. yeah, tomolo sounds good. =)

Tomolo will be going to the gym if my body recovers in time. Supposed to run todae, but in the end played game with the guys, so running is deferred to tomolo evening. I tink i go gym first, then go swim in the noon. Evening go run ba. I wonder got so much energy anot sia. Ah well, tml do my best ba.

Do my best. The motivational phrase during self-talk sessions before lifting weights till exhaustion. I always ask myself this before the last most xiong rep-- > " Can you go all the way?" . I will answer myself softly --> " I dun know, but i will do my best." And i always managed to endure till the end. I guess its more of small training talk ba, u kw, u needa motivate urself abit verbally. lol

Well, i once said, my problems are all veri insignificant compared to other ppl's. Gals, fats, studies all are juz problems u dig out for urself. Some problems are pushed rite into your face, u have no choice at all. Like providing for your family etc... Im now at the age, where some of my frends are married, or the sole bread winner for the entire family. Some are not educated, so they realli slog it out to support their families.

The above are people i respect fully and totally. Not some rich bastard that drives a sports car and the dad pays for every single fuck thing. They might have the prettiest gal, hottest car and biggest bank account. Hang them out to dry with no fatherly-funding, and u see a helpless weakling whining to god.

Why the sudden tulan-ness? Because todae somebody told me a guy in class said he looked down on people that work and study at the same time. He says wanna study must study full time and whole-heartedly, not work and study at the same time. Wow. So he mean taking his dad's money and leeching off his dad is respectable? I tink this fucktart dun realised tat there are some people out there that cannot afford the fees, therefore have to work and study at the same time to pay for skool fees.

If i heard the guy say this kinda thing infront of me, i cfm fuck his ancestors till they jump out from their graves. Be grateful that u are blessed with a family that can pay for ur fees, dun go around looking down on people that cannot afford the fees and thus need to work. Being educated and smart doesnt make u above everybody, so wat if ur results are good? Weakling. Pui.

Why are there so many fucktarts out there sia, how come some kids never grow up even after army? Im supposed to be meditated and have a heart reminiscent of the open ocean, but i simply cannot stand this kinda of nonsense.

Jason's : Im just a shy little boy lah.

Fuck you Ben =)

Lots to tok about todae. Went to sing ktv with rei, nich, vivian, jeanette and clarice. Enjoyable trip, screamed out lots of songs and i kinda went crazy halfway thru the session. lol. Its been sometime since i've shown my other crazy side. So yeah, its fun. =)

Training wise, im quite satisfied because i stick to my regime regularly and tml is gym day again. heh. Im tinking of incorporating another aspect into my program, like throw in a few push ups and sit ups in the morning before i go wash up. yeah, shall do that, i will feel healthier tat way too.

I heard from the guys that ah tan's appeal failed, and im starting to worry bout my deferment. Sigh, if mine fail too, then i have to go back for 12 days, and i shall have trouble catching up with my projects. Or maybe not, cause personally im also a last min person lah, so after all the previous 'last minute' trainings, i have no trouble rushing out stuffs. So yeah, go back then go back lor.

You know, in the past, i will feel uneasy when i get to know some other guy is trying to woo the gal i like. But that kinda mentality slowly dissolve away as i grew up. Why? Because its too dumb lah. You are alreadi so preoccupied and busy trying to get her, u where got the time to care about all the other guys and what they are doing? If its meant to be, then u just do your part, things will move naturally in your favour, if its not to be, then even if u kill all your competition, she's not gonna be yours in the end rite?

My bro brought back a fortune telling bottle todae, yeah, u heard rite, its a fortune telling bottle modelled after those sticks-throwing-bottles in chinese temples. Kinda interesting, so i gave it a try. For the 1st question, i asked 3 times just to make sure, the answers are 'why not?' , 'yes' and 'yes.definitely' respectively. Im not veri superstitious lah, but still kinda happy in a childish way. hahass.

And the answers were also positive for the following questions. I asked whether i will be rich, and its a resounding yes! hohoho, but i know lah, this kinda thing, play play onli, whether i make my mark in life is up to myself, not some stick-spewing bottle.

I did tell u people im gonna pack my room rite? This time, im gonna revamp my room, meaning buy new stuffs and repaint my furniture. All that i gonna happen indefinitely though, meaning when im free lah. So many projects and reservist stuff to add to my worries, i dun wanna curse, but its like totally fuck-the-up lor. zzz


*Extremely vulgar paragraphs, do not read if u are allergic to vulgarities.*

Sometimes things are so coincidental man, i just quoted ben as a example last entry, and yesterday i heard something new. This fucktart was rejected by my frend in the past, and he went to tell ppl he was the one who rejected my frend. Aiseh, ben is indeed a hallucinating piece of shit man. I alreadi fucking dislike him, and after i heard this, i seriously feel there is something wrong with his upbringing. In army he is fucked up, nvm, i can understand, in school he asks gals tactless stuffs, nvm also, maybe he's dumb lah. But spinning up a story to cover up being rejected? Wah lan eh, not i wanna say lah, tio reject then fucking swallow the fact lah, knn go bluff ppl for fuck?

I hate the kind of guy like ben. If u have balls, u can take rejection. Its alrite to be upset, but get the fuck over it and live life like a man, when ppl ask u are u rejected, u just say yes, or if u wanna save ur tiny ego, just say 'she tinks we're not suitable lah, so yeah, it didnt turn out well' lor. Why go tell other guys that u are the one who rejected her? Ur dick feels better? Your ego feels better and u got more face? When the truth gets found out (like now), isnt it worse?

If u are a despicable mutha-fucker, its alrite, but coupled with a lack of brains, u simply are a total failure in life. Wanna be a villain, learn from the Joker man. Ben Kaw, if by some chance u are reading this, wake up your idea please and get a life. You WERE REJECTED. Get this into your fucking brain. And dun bother telling tales to other ppl in lecture, i know of at least 20 people who want u dead. So yeah, go fuck the lamppost or mailbox or watever your non-existent dick can fit into, quit lying to people ya? Finally, go listen to 'My Dick' by Mickey Avalon, totally describes you as the little kid. ~~My dick is like a bridge, yours is like a little kid's~~ =)

*end of vulgarities*

Okays, those who read regularly knows im a nice fellow lah, i dun get angry easily. And my tolerance level for nonsense is actually extremely high. Whatever happens, im onli violent when im protecting people i love and care for, any other cases other then those, im dirtying my hands.

Alrite, gonna sleep alreadi, tml waking up early to go gym before heading to skool for project. Ciaoz!

Jason's : Non-routine violent streak.