'Its not a matter of giving chances, its a matter of compatibility'

Pls define wat is compatibility. Compatibility is the ability to accept people for who they are.
In my dictionary, there is no such a thing as in-compatibility. We are not that far off from each other anyways. I dun wish to dwell more into this issue, im not going to do write anymore romantic stuffs or watsoever anymore. My actions are weird anyways, no point acting silly when
i realised i am.

A guy like me, doesnt realli deserves this type of treatment, when ur're so good to someone and u totally threw away ur man's ego, which made me seem so girlish. I keep whining to people around me, im just so useless during tat period of time. I must stop whining and farking hell get on with life.

Im now undergoing OPERATION ABSTINENCE. Its in phase 1, and i sincerely hope it succeeds.
There are 4 vital points that must be resolved, and once i reseolved them, phase 2 shall come into place, and when the 3rd and last phase come into the picture, im more or less there le.

Thanks to yiansin and puan and guoliang and sebas and zhiwei and richard for being there to let me whine to. ^_^, appreciate ur patience guys and girls.

Jason ---- PEACE AND TRANQUILITY ---- 心如止水

A picture says a thousand words....

Creative? hahass, im bo liao (bored) , so i try to come up with something creative ba. I guess u all kw wat tat means without me explaining. lolx.. :P

to puan -----> i reply u here le, happi? lolx

hmm, tomolo off, should i go swimming? or should i stay at home? Anyways, the plan is up le, i tink i try to do something nxt week ba. hahass. but sometimes u just dun kw wat to say or chat with the girl u like rite? :P

Always got this veri funny wall de.. hahass. But its kinda hard to speak to someone with a fear of pissing her off leh. wah lan a, im damn dumb when it comes to tis lor.. i can tok so damn well with other girls, yet when it comes to her.... haiz... fark god man, y must he do this to all good guys tat just want to be good to a girl?

watever lahs. i am god, screw the world. muahaha. :P im abit crazy todae, cause my mood is a tad too good ba. dun kw why, im naturally good mood. lalala. tis is all crap man... im typing crap cause i reali realli am abit delirious now.

Aiyah, im veri 'luan' now, i dun kw wat the hell im tinking. CAnnot take it le, i go listen to 'Wo De Xin Tai Luan' ba...

(Actually im waiting for her to come online, she didnt come online so im abit sianz. lolx :P )

Hot nite, damn hot nite. something is wrong with the weather tonite, its so strangely hot.
hmm, i feel bother, yet assured at the same time. Hmm, im now starting to formula something to start a business with. I wanna be a successful man by 30 yrs old, even if im studying, i can still tend to my little business and build a network of contacts first, so tat by the time im out, i should be able to go into larger businesses.

Should i become a importer of exotic goods? or should i just start a normal ebay business net? Actually, i've been tinking of a veri veri lucrative business, hahass. Lets do something tat im REALLI REALLI good at ba, how bout we plan and put into action romantic 'stunts' ? i start a company tat specialises in doing romantic stuffs for gals? guys can hire us to do various stunts, and i can OVERCHARGE them, muahaha, guys are soooooo stewpid when it comes to love mah, can cheat alot of money.. hahasss ( i was and is still one of them dumb guyz...-.-"")

Not a bad business hor? i mean noone have ever done tis thing in singapore, and then for little stunts, we charge around $500 ba, then for those big scale ones, maybe $1000 will do. ^_^.
Then if the guy gets the girl, he have to pay us additional 'commission' of 10%.
LOLX :P. I will be so damn rich by the end of the yr.. hahass.
Lets see how things goes ba, maybe nxt time, my company name will be symnonimous with romantic love. ^_^V


Life is full of surprises, and wat surprise me tonite is i have ran out of stuff to write.....
im like ---> wtf? i cant tink no more? hahass no lah, i just prefer to dun tink so much nowadays, cause tinking too much is realli bad for health. hahass

Well, but i can tell u one last thing before i go off. A girl looks the cutest when she closes her eyes and rest while sitting in the bus. hahass... then when u look at her, she kws, yet still pretends not to kw... lolx... so cute... :P

hmm, im bloggin again in the middle of the night because i realised i've been veri veri dumb...
i listen to wat my frend say, and i actually had a misconception of her.... Sun had wronged Moon... I dun wish to delete wat i have written as a testimonial of how silly i've been.
It has been a HUGE misunderstanding all along, she's as cute i imagined her to be.. hahasss...

But anyways, its quite ironic tat we actually got closer and i got to kw her more in this way. hahass, from tis misunderstanding, i got to knew her better and better. Well, watever the route, wat matters is the destination ba. Understanding a person naturally is the best and onli way to know a person completely, purposely going to understand her will onli result in deeper misunderstandings...

I dun blame anybody for the wrong information, i had it coming, i chose to listen rather then finding out for myself, so im just lucky tat i got away from deeper misunderstanding tis time. Im now starting to be a better man. Hopefully she gives me enough time to change my bad points ba.

Jason --- The man tat have listened too much and toked too much....

Have u ever realised wat u want isnt realli wat u need?
The above comment is pertaining to 2 issues here...

The first is regarding my rejection by NTU, I received the letter yesterday once i reach home. My mood was actually quite good, yet once i realised tat i have been rejected, i realli felt damn sianz, the feeling is even worse then being rejected by a girl. I felt my future suddenly felt so uncertain and hanging in mid-air. What will i become? Where will i go? But after some quiet moments yesterday ( abeit a lot of advertising on MSN to my frends...:P) , i have plotted out another road for me to travel down. My dream is to be an entrepreneur, hence no matter wat or who i become, my dream remains, the dream to give the best for my loved ones. Im a impractical virgo, my life long dream is to build a cosy yet comfortable house in the everflowing plains of switzerland, and spend the time there with my wife. And around the house, i shall plant my wife's favourite flowers... Yupz, im childish and immature, yet i kw how to realli love a woman, do u?

The second issue is actually sparked off a chain of thoughts after something tat happened in the morning todae on the way to work. I dun wish to say wat happened, but i realised tat wat i have always wanted, wasnt wat i realli wanted all along ba.
Do anybody know tat kinda of pain, when u realised wat seems perfect on the outside, isnt realli wat u want on the inside? The despair tat Sun felt when he realised tat Moon and him wasnt realli meant to be? Althought both of them are round, but they realli belong to different time and space? When they are realli made up of different composition of materials?

Time can heal, tat is wat Sun learned, yet he cannot fathom. Initially Sun thought by knowing Moon more, he can actually learn wat kinda material is Moon made up of, yet the more he knew, the more he realised tat they dun fit as one. Sun was vexed, realli vexed, he dun understand why he feels tat way and wat wrong he did, but Sun realised in the end, tat the problem didnt realli lie with him.

Sun is dumb and silly, yet he can accept people for who they are, and Moon is the exact opposite. Sun likes Moon alot, yet he also can see the reason within, which goes to show love isnt blind after all. Sun tried veri veri hard to know Moon and tried to find the glow and warmth of her heart, but in the end, something was sealing in everything. The lock needs a key, and a key, is wat Sun lacks. Should Sun forge a key? He could ask Time for a key, but wat if the key doesnt fit? Would he find Time again and again? What happens if Sun actually repeatedly got keys from Time, and one day, he realised someone else had opened the lock?

Sun likes to tink, but he is not childish and immature. He just needs to be understanded, will Moon ever tell him wat keys to take from Time to open her heart? Moon once told Sun to dun bother trying to get the right key, yet Sun isnt just a passerby in Moon's life. Sun wants to be a part of Moon's life, Moon shall never know the things Sun wanted to do for her, the happiness he wants to bring to her. Moon did not reject Sun, but its Sun's mind tat is singing a different tune from his heart. . . .

Will Moon ever realised tat Sun was realli such a person? Someone who realli wants to be nice to her? Sincerely? Moon must learn to realise tat she is not almighty, she's not always right, there are times when we must learn to accept other people's ideas and not rebuke them on the spot.
Sun is not criticising Moon, he cares for her, hence he wants her to comprehand that logic...
Moon shall never know Sun, simply because she didnt even noticed Sun in that sort of way.
Sun knows he's dumb, yet he's willingly dumb for Moon. Time blessed Sun with the appearance of Moon, yet Fate shall always be the barrier tat forbids... Will Time overcome Fate? or will Fate triumph over Time?...

Finally i finished writing the story between Sun and Moon. Will Moon be angry after reading wat Sun felt? Hmm, but personally i feel wat Sun wants is for Moon to understand. If Moon is offended, there's nothing Sun can do anymore. Sun is damn stupid and silly and childish and dumb yeah? ^_^...

Anyways, todae i boxed again, lolx, my knuckles feel sooooooo sore lor, i can even feel the pain sia, dun kw y, most prob my wrap is wrong again.. == "" stress sia, i cant even train for long sia, my knuckles ache after like 1 hr of punching lor, gan pua lousy. I SUCK. T_T
But yesterday was fun, hahass, i went swimming and tanning yesterday sia (0.0), long time never swim le, i still as good as ever.. lalala.. i went with stuart who drove us there and then after swimming we went to eat BAK KUT TEH, MUAHAHA, its so damn nice lor.. hahass.. I didnt like stuart in the past, i find him abit pessimistic, yet yesterday i totally understood him and accepted him. I realised my best asset is to accept ppl for who they are, unless they are like the guai lan raymond in office, he shall feel the fury of my fists one of these days... :P

okay ba, enough le, im writing a farking composition lor, ta ma de, machiam writing GP thesis like tat, hahass... alritey, i go off le ba, blog too much tomolo nothing to write.. LOLX :P

Tonite is another nite when i have tat feeling again... cold lonely nite and im here tinking about things again. hahaasss.... hmm, if u have frends tat keeps telling u negative stuffs, would u in the end be negative? would u trust ur instincts and observations more then ur frend's feedback?
seriously speaking, i would rather trust my own instincts and fail, than listen to people's feedback and fail. its my choice anyways. if i have chosen a road to death, i would accept it because its my choice. ^_^

now the issue of my maturity comes into the picture again, hahass... i kw normally im childish because i act in tat way infront of ppl. they say maturity emotes from within, but let me tell u tis from my experience. u will never kw how some ppl think because they never show it. im a open person, yet at the same time, deep within me, who realli kws me? Most of the time my childish exterior turns ppl off, but if they are willing to stay and find out more about me, then these are the ppl tat's realli worth making frends with, because they are the ones that realli wanna kw u as a person. they dun judge a person by its cover first.

Im a tactless and silly person, i might piss ppl without realising it, yet in the end, when these ppl try to kw me better, i actually became veri good frends with them. hahass, they stayed behind and was with me thru some things, and in the end, they realised tat im not tat silly after all. ^_^

i dun kw why im saying all these here, because wat matters most is in my actions and not my blog ba. i totally understand yet still here i am, bitching on these silly things...urm... am i gay?!?

alritey, now back to training, todae i hit 5 jabs per sec man! yeah! i guess after 3 mths i shal hit 8 hits le! ^_^... slowly but surely, im getting better at tis! hahass

on a final note --> Confidence is wat makes or breaks a man, its a veri veri thin line....

Alritey, life went back to normal le. FINALLY. hmm, todae was quite happening, hahass, i knew 3 new frends tis few days. guo liang is tall and gay, but he's okay lah, veri man, like me..:P
then there's puan who is 'quite' short, yet she's also quite cute at the same time.. hahasss.. her bf is even cuter sia, he's like...frodo?(JOKING...:P) hahsss... im not gay. :P last but not least there's wanni, who is sooooo lame sometimes lor.. hahass, but i like lame ppl, they're fun. ^_^ ( im lamer then her, so im the LAMEST ^_^ V )

But todae, someone from the tech side pissed me off totally. I transferred call over and he jittao attitude problem lor. Knn he heng i dun kw wat he looks like, but i kw he's in the office de. i shall keep a look out for who he is, then c how guai lan he can be. wanna guai lan bring it on! NO FEAR. ^_^ V <---( childish yet oh-so-manly...)

And well, the best news is this----> i have retaken boxing again! yeah! and im now in the conditioning and hardening phase le. muahaha.... im training nearly everyday once i reach hm, so im gaining speed le, hopefully can reach 8 hits per sec AND god bless the stupid bag dun drop down ba.... but the side effects are also starting to show le lor... my knuckles are abit painful cause i train everyday, and the ointment i use seems to make my hand's skin peel sia... i dun kw if its expired? LOLX... the best part is tis---> i lost around 3kgs le lor, and i just started like 2 weeks ago? Tis week off most prob i will be going to swim ba, its been like aaaaaagggggggeeeeessss since i swam lor, i also wanna sing ktv also leh, i wanna sing CAI HONG TIAN TANG... so touching the mtv, the FENG mtv and it is both linked, i watch both le jittao touched sia... tis type of thing could happen de meh?...

Hmm, sometimes life is like a roller-coaster. it can be VERI VERI low because of some veri complex things, yet it can go up perpenticularly because of some veri simple things.... ooo how i like life and it's ups and downs... *_*

As the final willows fall to the ground,

the birds shall chirp no more.

With each and every silent prick,

my heart shall beat no more.

Teach me, o please teach me,

how do u open doors that shall open no more?

The man might seem mighty and great,

but in the end he's just a boy.

Thousands acres spread beyond me,

when can i ever halt the travel?

contradictory i might seem,

but the truth is within.

A whift of arctic breath descends,

quietly freezing watever tat is left.

Death creeps upon the still-living,

as livid as the path we walk.

Have u ever seen the moon cry,

when it can never ever see the sun?

Eyes, they are the windows to a soul,

but wat use are they when her soul is not with her?

Time shall and always will,

bring back what she has given away.

yet the windows will never understand,

the soul tat was with her all along.

sincerity flows like a river,

it goes deeper and deeper.

until it can go no longer,

where does the water linger?

rain, it always brings memories,

memories always brings longing.

and wat does longing brings?

longing brought me despair.

AS THE FINAL FLAKES DESCEND UPON ME,

I REALISED TAT SOMEONE IS LOST.

SHE CANNOT FIND A WAY OUT,

BECAUSE SHE'S IN MY HEART.

15th April 2006,
Jason Lam

Todae, i finally got back my com.... the motherboard died on me 4 days ago... tat's y i was not online for sometime... tis few days alot of things happened. i realised tat im abit abnormal tis few weeks.... i tink something came over me and possessed me... my memories of the past just swarmed over me and overflowed onto someone else.

Now i tink i just live my life as it is, because there is no rush to do anything now. hahass, i told her everything and sort of settled out stuffs le lor..:P... but she;s still veri cute lah, maybe after we become better frends and i get to kw her better, i MIGHT like her as HER and not someone else? hahass...

my heart is now at peace le, finally i settled tis silly mess i made.. hehe...

Todae at work, i did something silly again. hahass.. i again transferred a call to my own department.. = ="" tat was so silly yeah? hahass... right now, im feeling abit emotional, dun kw y, maybe it was the nap just now at around 6pm? hmm... napping seems to make me soooo sensitive all of a sudden.. ^_^... since im emotional, i made a poem dedicated to someone who im actually trying to find out more about right now.... well well well, there's a secret hidden in the poem, try to see if u could see wat the secret is? ^_^

Dedicated to her.....

As the winds cascades past my face,

Deep within me a lonely soul raced.

Each and everyone of my senses moved,

Love have just descended upon the truth.

I have never known it could be so strong,

Never have i felt these strands of longing,

Every now and then, drawing me to you.

so did u find the secret? hahasss.. its quite simple actually, its dedicated to her. :P

i recently stopped playing dota everyday, mostly because i wasnt as interested in dota as toking to her. toking to her can make me quit dota, tat's cfm. I didnt even play my PS2 now sia, everyday just listen to songs, lie down and slack or box a few rounds... maybe games dun realli interest me tat much le, im much much more interested in FINAL FANTASY, if u kw who i meant. hahass....

but im never a person to harbour much hope, because the higher the hope, the harder u shall fall when it fails u. I've learnt it the hard way thanks to corinne, and i wont let history repeat itself again. When a guy loves a gal too much, its always catastrophe tat happens in the end... noone should loves a person too much, because over-loving onli makes the hearts bond too tight together to beat normally.... i have a tenancy to do just tat, i kw it hence im trying to prevent myself from being too good too her, because in the end, im just a guy tat is afraid of being hurt again... is she the one? will she change me? can she heal the scar in my heart?

Is She My Yuna/Rikku/Rinoa? <----( whichever she prefers.. :P).......

Hmm, sometimes, im realli not certain about the stage of maturity im at man... sometimes i seem so mature, yet sometimes i seem so childish... wat is the determinant factor for maturity? i realli am clueless to who im realli am... am i having split personality? omg... but i realli do have to do a status check man.. i dun kw y suddenly i have these kind of thoughts, but i guess i do have to reduce my fun loving side abit... im a tit bit TOO fun loving.... hahasss...

i have 2 faces actually.. haass.. when im with a grp of ppl, i tend to come across as a childish and fun loving guy, but when im with a girl alone, im a totally diffrent person.. hahass.. but girls always tend to miss out the second part of me because they deduce im a childish guy from first impression... lolx...

watever bahs.. im typing tis cause i suddenly have a urge to write down something. hehess.. ciaoz...

hmm, ytd i was so damn pissed.. lolx.. for something realli childish lah.. but seriously, i realli cannot fall for a girl. I will start to tink alot about her, then will result in my tinking too much.. = ="" i suspected my frend of backstabbing me sia... though i dun kw whether he got do it anot lah, but i tink he wont lah, he's a nice guy... lolx.. then ytd i just get REALLI pissed for the whole nite man, i cant even sleep.. im like --> wat the fark???!!? hahass.. well, i got over it after tinking awhile le... i mean, come on lor, so wat if he toks to her on msn everynite man? they're good frends mah, EVEN if she in the end likes him, tat's HER choice mah, everybody have freedom to choose one. So in the end, i learnt tat im just a sadistic pessimist.. = ="".. lolx.. u nvr know how much u can learn about urself whenever u do some self assessment.. ^_-...

so we come back all the way to the girl issue (yet again...zz).. lolx.. tis time, the girl is adeline.. = ="" starting i didnt realli notice her much, except tat she looks like my first love.. hahass.. but never did i kw as time passes..( 2 weeks in fact.. lolx) , i actually began to fell for her.. :P... maybe its the resemblence? anyways, i tried to sms her abit, but she didnt reply sia... but whenever we're face to face toking, she always seem so warm... hmm... i dun kw wat is wrong here, but im not going to dig out the details.. i rather let nature take it's own course ba.. so im not pushing anything from now on, we are working different shifts nxt week, so tat means i have a week to tink over wat i want. ^_^ V

But i tink from now on, i try to tok less and be less 'sunshine' in office ba. I should be a bit calmer.. lolx.. :P... so late le, i go sleep le ba, cheers for my growing up after tis incident and CIAOZZZ!!! *.*