the one about the satisfying first job!

Hey peeps, was too busy to update these days. hahah. Started work in OCBC, was veri happy with the job and i learnt tons of things this 3 weeks. All aspects of life is good, although its abit tiring. Nxt wed getting my veri first pay, and i have alreadi planned how to spend it. lolx.

After going thru intensive courses on structured deposits, unit trusts and other investment and banking facilities, i realli have a concrete interests in banking. I tink i learnt more this 3 weeks, then what i learnt in my uni education, pertaining to banking that is. Went thru some induction sessions last week, and i guess they do paint a realli nice picture. Lets just hope the actual stuffs is realli as they painted it ba. =)

Xh and weihao they all came over to play mahjong with me last saturday, and surprisingly i won. Maybe its the happiness exuding from me cause i passed my M9 on friday evening. Wahahaha! I was genuinely happy to have finally found a good job, have good training colleagues and a strong passion for the career infront of me.

I do hope i can adhere and learn all the regulations and compliances required for sale of products and earn some dough. My career path is to hold down my position for 2 yrs, after which i shall get my MBA, and then apply for mgmt associate position and finally get into senior mgmt. Sounds far fetched i kw, cause i might jump banks for all i kw, hell i might not even survive 3 mths before getting fired. lolx

So now life is kind to me, and i did meet someone interesting enough to stir me up abit. But lets see how things go, deep inside, im still ...... you kw? yeah.

And so its 1230am now, 30 mins pass my bedtime. Sigh, off to sleep and thank the heavens tml is FRIDAY! WEEE! After work tml maybe go timbre or balaclava to chill, but secretly, i just wan to go home and rest. =.=" Ah well, colleagues jio, must give face rite? Right. =)

Jason's : I am trying to formula a chain lending and hedging system that allows a individual to generate huge amounts of returns the legal way using the theory of covered leverage. =)

the one about the failure in life

Okay, i failed the m9 again. Though i would love to put all the blame on the test being rigged etc, ultimately the fact is smacking me in the face: its my fault. I admit i didnt realli study for it, so i guess its orbi for me. Big waste of money for no obvious reasons at all, except my own laziness, so fuck me.

Anyways laziness has always been a deadly sin that is stopping me from becoming the man that i am supposed to be. Im so fucking lazy that its appalling i managed to drag my sorry ass till this stage in life. Ah well, though they say habits are die hard, this slacking streak must come to an end. Must end.

I have lots of update this entry, so bear with me eh? After bitching bout how lazy i am and how fucked up i feel failing the m9 again, i shall enlighten people on what i have been doing this few final weeks of freedom before i start work.

Muay thai was fun and i've went to the muay thai/ judo camp and knew lots of new ppl. I wasnt a veri effective OGL, cause maybe being the oldest there makes me feel kinda awkward, but surprisingly my whole group joined muay thai rather then judo, maybe i have some kind of hidden influence after all eh? hahaha =p

But seriously, im beginning to appreciate muay thai and the people there. All of them are realli nice ppl and the coaches are all realli nice ppl as well. Training is tough, but i find myself improving, my technique and overall strenght on a ascending climb. I might not be the best fighter out there, but at least i train slowly at my own pace and in the long run, this investment will pay off. I think. hahaha

I will be starting work nxt tuesday, so im kinda vexed and excited. Vexed because i have yet to pass my m9 and if i dun pass it, i might be jobless. Excited because of the new ppl and enviroment i will be in. Sincerely i simply hope i will do well in the job and earn some cash to buy and do stuffs that i want. Revamp room, get my license etc... And finally get a car.

Getting a car isnt as simple as ABC though, i need to carefully plan out the finances required to support 1. Either i will save up and full cash a jap car, or save up 100k to down for a BMW Z4. The second option is abit far fetched lah, cause 100k is no small amount. Infact giving it more thought, do i realli need a car? i mean the various upkeep costs are all immerse liabilities. Ah well, shall plan when i have the money, right now, maybe dun tink so much first ba, i need to survive the first 6 mths on the job first.

Relationship wise, i have to be veri honest here. I have not met somebody that strikes up an interest even though i've met a lot of ppl this few mths. And i doubt i will meet anybody special at work too, because the fact is im still veri much tied up. I have given up trying to do something about the knot, because everytime i try, it gets tighter. And its for the best also, focus on career and be a single rich man, then be tied down and be a troubled attached man. hahah

Whatever it is, i nvr hated her and will never ever hate her. Pissed yes, but never hatred. Never ever.

Aites, moving on, in the past i used to think about converting my blog to some financial blog or some other sort of non-romantic blog. But i tink fuck it ba, i am a somebody that is romantic and emotional, and moreover this is my blog, i write whatever i wan as long as im not inciting some racial wars or watever. So yes, i shall write about how i feel about the world in general and guy gal relationships and psychology.

Toking bout psychology, i was at a RT training last weekend, when i overheard 3 guys chatting. They were saying which faculty gals are prettiest and stuffs like that, which is normal. But then they kinda went into judge-dread mode and started saying which faculty have bitches and bimbos etc. I listened and started thinking to myself: Why judge people when u guys aint the cream of the crop? Even if u are indeed the cream of the crop, who gave u the right to judge people?

Seriously speaking, i tink majority of the RT guys are the weak fellows in the male population of singapore, including me. So the stuffs these 3 nerds were toking about is kinda ironic. Whether they are bimbo or smart people or whatever they are, that's the way they are. They dun judge u, so why go and judge people? Ah well, juz a thought, cause i myself cannot escape from judging ppl sometimes, though i try to tell myself not to.

Tick tock tick tock i tink its time to rest. Dun kw why, i get tired easily these days. I've been watching House M.D. these few days, and its REALLI scary when every single fuck thing seems like some symptoms of some dread disease. Cb, think too much alreadi. hahaha

Oh ya, before i forget, people keep asking me a question whenever they see me. Its getting annoying, and i tot maybe i should explain things here. Yes, i still like her. But its like you like a ferrari, but u know u can never afford one. Get what i mean? Like doenst mean need to get together. As long as she's happy, she can hate me all she wan and im just as happy seeing her happy. So stop asking me whether i still like her anot because i will still tell u the same answer be it 5 yrs or 10 yrs. Its a preferencial feeling u have for something or someone, not that kind of 'i-must-own-her' kind of feeling. Understand??? =)

Jason's : Failing M9 is like being forced to look into ur own joblessness. If u get what i mean. Pardon my lousy language. =(

i am veri vexed about tml's m9 paper. i realli dun wan to fail again.

im realli VERI VEXED. FUCK!

Todae is my birthday.

I've been making the same wish for 2 years.

It will never come true.

I hope this will be the last year i make the same wish.

So yes, i made an additional wish this year apart from the same one every year.

I thank my family for celebrating this day with me.

I thank my frends for celebrating with me yesterday.

So todae is my birthday.

26th one to be exact.

Will i be what i want to be?

I do hope so.

M9 M8 i have to pass.

Daily quota i have to hit.

This friday i convo.

After that 2 weeks to first day of training.

My life is about:

Work.

Sales.

M8 M9.

Muay thai.

Training.

the one with the philo shits

As usual, the paradigm of life still confounds me to this day. Life is like a stream of water seemingly flowing down a predetermined path, or so you thought, and the next moment it completely changes course. The way to live a enlightened life is to accept things for what they are, and we go full circle back to the philosophy of 'Everything happens for a reason.'

I officially rejected the GE FA job, and todae i went for UOB personal banker interview. Well, working for a bank gives you a basic and the benefits are actually better. The bottomline is still the same, if you dun achieve, u get fried. Ah well, watever it is, i need to hold down a job fast so as to repay ALOT of stuffs. Wah lan, if onli i hit the lottery. hurhur

Looking at my blog, i realised its quite solemn, as in there's not much pictures and the black theme kinda make it abit morbid. Well, my life isnt as sad as my blog lah, just that the black stuff make it seem cooler and im just too lazy to upload pictures. I've been browsing thru a few blogs recently and all of them proved everyone just wants to be loved.

What are the odds of finding somebody that realli loves you for who you are? Think about it, besides your family, the chances of finding somebody that dun lusts after you or loves ur money more then you are realli miniscure. The way to segregate whether its true love is to simply imagine yourself being blindfolded and void of all material thoughts. Kinda like ignoring all other factors that might contribute to your emotions, and just spend time with that person. This is a state where hearts and souls connect and the base foundation of the intriging 'love'.

So like i said, i presume i am the only dumb person who will actually ascertain my feelings truthfully, alot of relationships are actually built upon other factors rather then love. Be it a need for a partner, for the money, or simple lust, they're actually a kalaidescope of interconnected actions and reactions. For that, i am damned and most prob will remain single for life. Yeah people tell me 'fate will come' or 'when its time, its time' etc. To me now its all bullshit because although i am in no position to be picky, im extremely picky.

Ah fuck, im feeling so naked toking about these stuffs man. Think forget it, no point further illustrating. Back to where i was, im updating irregularly these days, simply because i slack at home so much and i didnt realli go out, so i dun have much 'adventures' to post here. hahaha

The last time i went out was sunday, when i met ah wei, ah leong and mee kia for lunch and a day out on national day. A day out with any of the guys is always a good day, all the rubbishes and the laughter, it just reminds me this is the reason we are frends. =)

The one in the middle of the night.

Im kinda vexed these days, lots of problem surfaced. Especially financial problems. Sigh.

My com died on me, and i needa change the motherboard and the processor, which amounts to around $160. Then the great eastern thingy dropped a bomb on me, telling me needa buy laptop. So i guess i will be paying $300 to the company cause i certainly do not wan to spend 800 bucks when i haven even started work. So yes. Screw laptops.

And then the convo thing i need $250 as deposit for the stupid graduation gown. Cb leh, how am i supposed to pop up with so much cash out of a sudden? I dun wanna borrow from ppl, so i have to tink of something. And then there's the problem about finding a job tat surfaced again after i decided to fly great eastern aeroplane. CB.

Shit happens, and as a matter of fact most of the shit is self-inflicted. Ya, i kinda ate myself. Ah well, i have this penchant to choose the wrong direction if u get what i meant. hmmms...

Enough bout my troubles, lets tok about something else. I've been repeatedly listening to a song these days. Didnt find it nice, until i heard it in somebody's car earlier this year at night near changi airport. I know its abit hard for ppl to understand, but those who knows, know, as usual. They will remember the song, each and everyone in the car. hahas! Ah well, those were the days eh? (Those that still rem the song name can try to guess it in the comment box. hurhur)

The earth still spins, and i do thank alex, who indirectly helped me. Toking this, i realli like my muay thai club more and more. The people there are nice, although im actually quite mean to the girls, lols. I like to disturb people lah, so i might be appear mean lor. But well, i realli meant no harm, and i had my fair share of people that cannot take jokes, so yeah, the gals in MT are realli good sports. =)

The guys in MT are a funny and interesting crowd, especially the seniors. What i enjoy is the seriousness when we train, and yet there's this comaderie and trust. When we train, the focus in our eyes realli makes me damn happy to be training with this bunch of people. With the recent addition and help of louis, wilson and jason, the training is getting more and more fun. =)

Then comes this side of me, that realli wanna be better at my art. To lose weight, gain speed and power. The stupid tummy is making my kicks less effective, although it does serve as a shock absorber sometimes. My balance is laughable so i cant realli do consequetive (i kw spell wrong. mental block.) kicks fast and furiously. Sigh. Needa train more ah jason lam, train more.

One more thing, as i get older, i realised im getting more and more long winded hor. U see my entries when i was younger was much shorter then the posts now lor. I tink im realli getting old le. Thinking bout it, i AM old. 26 yr old without a dime and best thing is im jobless. Haiz.

Alrite lah, enough of my depressing situation. Will think of something soon. Meantime, i have to go rest and wake up early tml to study for the HI test that is tml. I paid for it, might as well go for it rite?

Nitez fellows.^_^

The one with the besotted dreams

Im kinda depressed these days, simply because my parents dun realli understand what i am and what i wanna become. As usual, they're ur typical asian conservative types, who wans their kids to get a stable job and then work till old and save up an amount in CPF and then retire. In short form, sandwich class.

They never realli understood my dreams and aspirations. Im not one to be tied down to on 9 to 5 job and stay that way forever. I wan to start something i call my own, regardless how tough the going. I dare not say i am the perfect business man material with the perfect plan, but i wan and dare to try. Sigh.

Why do parents like to impose their format of life onto their kids? Why dun they understand sometimes, we wan to shape our own future, rather then follow their predetermined 'perfect life' format? They say im silly, naive and not practical. What's so silly about having a dream, naive about trying to fulfill that dream, and not practical about starting your own business?

My mum says business is onli for the rich kids, with rich dads to sponsor their business. For me, i believe in starting something from ur own hands, by your own means. So what if i have no rich dad? Capital problems can be solved with a good business plan, i personally have business ideas and concepts that are low cost and efficient.

An example is Seraphine Playworks, the cost for the entire operation was less then $200, simply because of the JIT inventory methodology i adopted. Orders first, inventory second. The same goes for the upcoming idea that im currently discussing with ah wei. The capital needed for this venture is just the registration fee and around $3k of backup funds. So you see, contrary to popular belief, u dun need alot of money to start a business.

Sigh, anyways, in the meantime i shall study well for my HI and M9, after passing out maybe work as a FA for the time being. No basic is a headache, but its still a proper job after all. I've decided to work hard for this job and at least get a stable income. Alot of ppl tells me negative stuffs about this line, but i still wanna go ahead and see where this will take me. I know, ppl might laugh or ridicule me IF i fail, but heck them all, even if i fail, i learn something out of it.

Enough about my miserable life, lets tok more about people's lives. People at some stage or another, fall deeply in love with another person, normally with the opposite sex. So the deeper they fall for somebody, the greater the hit they take when things end. What ppl see is the loss of somebody they loved for so long, what they fail to see, is how insignificant the situation is.

Everything has its cycle of beginning and end. When things end, why take it so bitterly? Its simply a cycle, and the saying that there is a better one out there is always true. By the Law of greater numbers, there is ALWAYS somebody better, no matter how perfect you deemed your lost love to be. So just take in the memories, and be glad that both of you had time together.

Im gonna be 30 in 4 yrs time, and i realised i lived almost 1/3 my entire lifespan. I have 2/3 of my life left to do something great and be someone great. By doing and being someone great, i dun mean appearing on Forbes magazine or anything related to being super rich. On the contrary, i wanna be a good son, husband and father.

To me, money is important, but nothing is more important than your loved ones and family. What the oldies says is true, the greatest wealth in the world is having a closely knit family. The parents who cared for you from birth to now, the siblings who went thru thick and thin with you thruout your life, the wife who chose to follow you trusting you with her entire remaining life that you will love her with all your heart and soul, and your children who loves you and believes in you. They are what's important, not just some greenbacks and golden bars.

I know its kinda philosophical, but nonetheless to be able to appreciate and conduct yourself with the above principle is not easy. People discover this truth sooner or later, but most of the time, its too late. Im just glad i realised this early, when i didnt learn this the hard way.

If you are looking for a clue to my recent sudden change in policy, you wont realli find it here. Its like i say, i woke up one day and had a eureka moment, and from then on, screw it. I know how i feel and who i am, i dun see a need anymore to be appreciated. This paragraph has no relation to the above paragraphs. Those who get it, got it. Those that dont, too bad. I will most prob ignore whoever say the magic words from now on.

Jason's: When things get sickeningly disgusting, they simply cease to exist. Law of Mutuality.