80%. I would describe my confidence level now with this number. ^_^. Although im not realli slim, but i can slim down if i want to. Come on, why make life difficult for urself? losing weight so tat people can accept you? -.-... dun tink too much lah, lolz. Be what you are, because what you are is unique. Others might think or say some realli fark stuffs about you, but who cares? Its too tiring trying to live up to your own expectations le, i dun have time to live up to OTHER's people expectations. :P. Well well well, tomolo im off, im tinking of going to swim leh... hmm, LONG time bo go swim le, but noone go with me damn boring sia. haiz... ! i know le, i call ah-wei go with me lor... MUAHAHA... Today i whole day at home sia, except i went to hougang in the afternoon to lend corinne my camera phone to take pictures of her clothes for her to sell on ebay. lolz, i went all the way there just to do that sia.. hahaha.. :P... i know im stupid and silly, but tat's wat i am. ^_^. I tink tis will be the last time im doing such a stupid thing for her le... because later im calling her to ask her wat she feels. ^_^. hmm... slowly but certainly im going to sort out my life. i have too many unsolved issues and events in my life le, so i need to 'defragment' my life now before it all comes crashing down on me. hehehe.. :P

oooo today saturday le. hehe. im supposed to go back to camp for a ippt cover this morning one, but heng i smart, i call my frend whose doing duty ytd to go. lolz. Yesterday evening i went out with yunz. She's abit upset and im 'supposed' to console her.. hahaha... ^_^. Anyway, im not going to write what is wrong with her here lah, she call me to keep it a secret. lolz. Today i should be going to pray at the 'yue lao' temple with corinne one, but she say wanna bring her niece out, so cancelled lor. i whole day at home so nua -.-, wanna go jog also procrastinate till never go..zzz. i simply sux in the determination department ba. hahaha. Tomolo going to changi airport le..-.-... juz now corinne call me ask me wanna go anot, how can i dun go? hahaha... im quite poor now le, tomolo dun know whether can survive anot leh.. hmm... Slowly but certainly, something in my heart is changing le. i dun wanna write it out here, but i myself know veri well wat is changing in me le. ^_^. Now im tinking about wat to do at the airport leh... c buay sianz... tomolo need to wake up early also sia... haiz... i tink maybe later i try to change the time to later abit, if not i cfm die on the mrt one. haiz.. my total fortune left 27 bucks nia.. how to survive sia? zzz god bless me ba, im finacially quite 'leong' this 2 mths because of my stupid new 3230 handphone, so i have to eat grass this few mths le... zzz.. i sux. Next mth is my birthday le, and corinne's birthday is one week b4 mine sia. hahaha.. what to buy for her leh... i so poor, kaoz... y must i be so damn poor during my birthdays sia? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Tomolo i will be doing duty le, so most probably wont be blogging here. hehe. recently i have been blogging quite alot because my stupid monitor is spoiled and i cant play games.... -.-... but to look on the bright side, it does gives me ALOT of extra time to tink over alot of stuffs and do some useful things. I hate to admit but i've been skipping my training for like 1 week le.. haiz.. T_T... cannot like tat leh, i tink tomolo i try to 'start the fire' again ba. My weight is maintaining leh..zzz i wanna lose some lah, im kinda stuck le..zzz... hmm, im tinking tomolo bring wat type of entertainment to duty leh? Maybe i TRY to bring PS2 go play ba...maybe... hahaha..
One more thing, the last blog entry was wat my heart was realli feeling. Someone told me its realli realli very touching and i should show it to corinne, but i tink if she found out herself it will be better ba. Simply because i dun believe in telling her wat i did for her, i want her to feel and discover for herself how much she realli means to me. Im not noble, im juz a honest guy who realli wants to spend all my time to give her what has always eluded her......................................happiness.................................

Pain. It can be felt in various forms.. but the strongest form of pain is felt within the heart. When u know u truly love someone, but can not be with her simply because she cant see what she meant to you, the pain is excruciating. A man does not shed tears no matter how intense the pain, but who knows wat happens inside the heart? If she is living happily ever after with someone else, at least you know that she is happy and you will feel naturally happy for her too. How do you explain what you feel if she is tormented by the memory of someone else who did not cherished her? She's not happy at all, she misses him... and the onli thing u can do is to comfort her and try to make her forget momentarily. Seeing her in such pain and hearing the sound of her tears falling to the ground onli makes the pain in my heart goes deeper. Why do she have to go through such pain? im willing to bear the pain for her if its possible, but reality is cruel, i can onli watch on as her heart is being slowly devoured by the past... The sorrow sowed by the guy in her is growing day by day, and certainly is overrunning her... Can someone tell me how do i reduce or even remove the sorrow in her heart? Love is most of the time a torture, but its seeds are always beautiful. If you are reading this, im pleading with your heart now, please wipe ur tears and look forward to the future...

Yesterday i went out with corinne le. ^_^. Well, i tried my best to be realli realli nice to her... she was late and i waited for her at the mrt station with a packet of gummie..lolz, she said she loved gummy mah, so buy her some lor. When we were watching movie, i looked at her sometimes and i realli told myself this.."if she's my gal, i will realli give watever she wants to her juz to make her happy...". haha, im juz so silly and naive right? :P
After the movie, we went to clarke quay to walk walk..but clarke quay under renovation..-.-... sianz, but good thing is she doesnt mind and so we juz simply walked around toking and enjoying the view. After that, we headed to lau pa sat to have dinner, its quite funny there cause we met an uncle selling BBQ sting ray who calls himself 'ELvis Prestley'. hahahaha... he does look abit like elvis lah.. :P After that i went about ordering her favourite foods---> sting ray and chicken butt.. lolz.. i even went to beg the chicken rice aunty for the chicken butt. ^_^.. but she's a great lady and she gave it to me free of charge. 0_O. When she saw the chicken butt, her eyes juz lit up and she looked realli happy... i mean, when u see her light up like tat, the world juz became a better place for me... lolz. Everything was quite smooth going yesterday and im realli glad she looked quite happy. I wanted to send her home, but she was meeting her frend in hougang mall for a cup of coffee... so she called me not to send her home as it was veri far for me too. :P I went to la kopi with my frendz at my house the kopitiam till 12am, then when i reached home, i saw her in msn.. hmm...she said she was not in a good mood, so i LL lor, dun realli disturb her... ^_- She called me at 2am, saying she cant sleep.. she told me she saw a guy's back view who looked like delvin (the guy she gave her heart to but he broke it..) which made her tink about him again. -.-... then she told me alot about him which made me realised how much she still loved him. Im not jealous , juz upset at the notion that no matter wat i did, it can never ever override what delvin did for her. I tried my best today, but one delvin-look-alike sighting spoiled the whole day for her... i realised im realli so small in her world compared to him.. and i onli saw frendship in her eyes when i looked into them searching for an answer. I guess all these have no need to ask le. All the signs are there liaoz, its simply hopeless and i guess another better guy will give her the happiness she wants ba..tat guy is definitely not me, im not being pessimistic, but if u were me, u seriously will see the point. Anyways, im have no emotion now le, maybe u can call it numb le, but i realli dun feel anything now, normal guyz would be sad and in bad mood. but im fine le, i also dun know y, maybe i expected all these all along? hahaha.. :P The conclusion is that corinne's heart belongs to delvin all along and my heart is in the dustbin lor, no one wants it.. -.-... i made the effort and i failed, but im still contented simeply because i tried...i realli realli tried...

I have nothing to say about ah-yap le. zzz, today i was damn pissed off man. remember yesterday i told you ah-yap recounted the stocks? kaoz, he made a mess and today when the stock-checker came, our stocks had so much deficiency... im not saying its entirely his fault, but when we found the drugs he put away, it actually tallied. -.-.. which means im rite from the beginning.... i purposely put some surplus drugs in because i can give the excuse that some ppl never take medication mah, but he go and take them out trying to make them PERFECT. wah lan a, in this world where got PERFECT stock check one? kaoz... i realli wanna vomit blood ah...Y ah-yap so 'xiang bu kai' de? wo de tian ah, wei shen me???!!...Then hor nvm leh, he somemore went to put the drugs he took out into the INDIA store crate ( which i spend an entire afternoon to pack...) without noting down how MANY he put in..-.-.. where got ppl so blur one? C buay tulanz sia... in the end, today we LL have to stay back to count EVERYTHING again... zzz.. and i have to unload everything from the india store crate to RECOUNT EVERY SINGLE F%$K thing.... -.-... we stay back all the way until 7pm then go home sia... wtf, today is friday somemore...zzz..im waiting to see how we survive on monday sia... the stockchecker will be coming back to haunt us on monday... amen.... but heng my mood is quite good actually because im going out with corinne tomolo! ^_^... i wonder what will happen tomolo leh.... hmm...Later i call her to plan tomolo's program with her ba. hehe. wish me luck hor. :P ^_^

Today my monitor screen is not black and white le!, its yellow and dark green sia. siao siao. My monitor nowadays got mood somemore, juz now got colour, now no colour liaoz... kaoz.. -.- hmm, today in camp im not realli veri happi, ah-yap 'tink-not-open' disease come back again. zzz.. he go recount all the drugs today sia. he likes to do extra work, i c alreadi c buay pek chek... yesterday i juz finished everything then today he redo everything... realli for f*%k ( i can use vulgar language because she call me dun use..) sia. Luckily, affairs of the heart is quite okay today. corinne called me to ask me burn her a song by zhang zhi cheng called 'hen xiang ni'. She likes the song sung by derrick of 'jue dui superstar'... but does she knows that i can sing whatever she wants for her? hmm... anyway, im sending her the song later via msn and sad to say, i havent found the song. zzzz. I juz realised one thing about myself tat i didnt previously know.... its tat im realli not a easily jealous guy. ^_^. how do i know? well, she was telling me how much she tot of devin when she heard derrick sang the song, and im like telling her its alrite to tink about him once in a while because she realli loved him. OMG, wat was i tinking man? lolz. but i dun feel jealous at all leh, i even told her everyone will truly loved someone in their life and for her tat guy is devin. Hmm, but i never tell her who is the one i realli loved in MY life lah... lolz. Ironic isnt it? consoling her and yet im not telling her who i realli love...zzzz. WaTeVer lah, i changed my entire mentality this few days le, im tinking in a more rational and practical way nowadays... no more silly 'love till end of the world' crap for me liaoz. Love is not a constant entity. Its something that will morph and mutate into different forms at different time-spans. Its entirely exponential and can easily be squarerooted in the blink of an eye. The factor for calculating the resultant product is a simple yet complex formula in the form of ---> (LUCK + EFFORT) x FATE = LOVE x TIME. For myself, this formula failed, u know y? Because i have LUCK and FATE, but my EFFORT = zero... hence the result is NEARLY zero. lolz... but hor, im increasing the value of EFFORT le. Im learning to plan for dates and face her with more confidence... heheehee.. :P

Finally i finished the stupid stockcheck today. knn one, i work so hard today sia, my engine burned le..-.-.. i now abit sort sort le, then the monitor also PERMANENTLY no colour liaoz... jin g y. Tomolo the commercial stockcheckers will come down to conduct the check le, i tink cfm will pass one, u know y? because i do one mah, how to fail sia? siao siao. Confidence level is at a new high le, dun know y leh, izzit because my room no fan le now feel damn hot? I dun realli know who is reading my blog everyday, but i tink corinne maybe saw my last few entries le, she alreadi 2 days nvr contact me le... i dun know whether this is good or bad, but im not missing her so badly le, because last time she disappear 2 yrs i also can tahan, so now 2 days nia should be okay ba. In life, sometimes you need to change urself to suit the environment, and i am now at a decision point on whether i wanna make a huge change to my life. Alot of factors will impact my final decision and i will be posting the outcome sometime later ba. ^_^. Life is beautiful. Life is holy. Life is at the same time veri vulnerable and brittle, so treasure it i must. No more low confidence days for me le, i dun wanna die as a man who have never truly lived. I might be 'abit' vulgar most of the times but i can be veri refined too. its my choice. When im with close frendz or the army guyz, i curse and swear alot... a little too much in fact. But when im with gals, i hardly use any vulgarities. Tat is wat i call a gentleman though its abit hypocriptic too. lolz. Im typing all these rubbish because im realli damn bored now tat i cant play games since my monitor is colourless le. So whoever is reading this, please tell corinne i still like her alot although we cant be together. ^_^

Tuesday. Evil bad day. Im veri suay today, morning i wake up, look into mirror then discovered i look abit rounder le.. -.-zzz... then hor, i walk to busstop then start to rain... thunderstorm somemore. nin nia a, then i whole body wet le, squeeze up the bus hoping lim chu kang area not raining... in the end, my camp got TORNADO storm sia.. knn. Tulanz, then i went for breakfast with my buddies.. and i got screwed by peter for something veri minor... then hor, uncle sam pressure us to finish the stockcheck by friday... wah kaoz.. then nvm lor, i tot i suck thumb can endure thru mah, but ah-yap so hardworking i cannot slack sia.. -.-
Worse thing is, when im going home, my silly shoes spoil sia... the sole fell out and im dragging my stupid shoes along... so paisei.. nabeiz... then i have to call my kid brother to bring my flip-flops down for me to change sia.. zzzz Today is a realli unlucky day ba... i abit sianz... wish tomolo will be better... :P

Monday. I hate tat word. -.-. Today i book in as usual in the morning and i worked like a dog today again... haiz.. i tot i can slack sia, but well, commercial stock takers are coming down this thurs to check our stocks, so we have to tidy up the stores and drugs... -.-. Its VERI VERI stressful trying to tally up the stocks and im also quite vexed with my private life too. I've always been indecisive and hence im still pondering whether i should stay as best frendz with her or juz flat out tell her i like her. Haiz, if u call me to continue being good frendz with her, im onli suffering more and more as the days go by. But then hor, if i pop the question also not right leh, now's not the time yet. I tink here tink there also no conclusion, so i guess i will have to slog through this period again le.. zzzz. Im feeling damn confident nowadays due to some unforseen powers aiding me, i walk straight and tall but my heart's damn tired le. I treasure her as a frend, but i cant live with her as just a frend.... complex rite? Anyways, sometimes i see the best solution is to simply put down and forget every single thing then fly to australia study to start life afresh. Tat's the feeling i get when i go overseas and tat's one of the reason im dying to travel. I realli feel she knows she's the one im stressing about and she gives me advice to go after gals... -.-... corinne ah corinne, dun like tat le lah, u know something then juz tell me, u cfm know i like you one leh. U tell me when going after gals need to have confidence and all those tips, but do u know i juz want to be with you? LAO TIAN YEH AH, WEI SHEN ME NI ZHE ME HEN XIN DUI WO AH? WO DUI TA SHI ZHEN XIN DE, WO YAO DAI TA DAO TIAN YA HAI JIAO...WEI SHE ME? WO DAO DI ZHUO CUO LE SHEN ME DONG XI? ...but i will still change myself lah, its true though, im still a guy who havent grow up. haiz..

Im writing this entry with a black and white screen (my stupid monitor spoiled T_T) and a black and white heart (its still beating, dun worry :P) . Yesterday i went out with moomoo again to go window shopping, and i send her home to hougang too. She's realli veri cute and i truly thank god for letting her come back into my life again, although this time as a good frend, not as a gal i wanna be with. I admit i still love her alot, but in my heart, i dun tink its possible between us le. In life, there's always someone who u love, but u can never be with her. And yesterday i chatted with her in msn at 2-3am ba, she told me alot about myself which i knew, but never tried to change. And guess wat, she knows me more then myself sia. She told me alot about myself that i never knew, so ya, yesterday i faced the music, and i tink its time i do something about it. My maturity went for a long holiday, and now i gonna recall the bugger back into existence. And to corinne i thank her sincerely for injecting some sense into me, im no more a fat bugger rotting in hell, im going to grow wings and fly to my own piece of heaven...(literally :P). I wont try to be a procrastinatist le, time is not of the essense as long as im making the effort. It will be long, but its definite. Well, i finally end these blog entry le. This will be the last time im blogging as 'him'. It will be taken over by another 'him' for the next entry. Lastly, i still wanna tell corinne ----> I LOVE U. We cant be together, but we can be realli realli good frendz..even best frendz. ^_^.

Today is a sunday nite, its quite late le, but im still blogging here sia. Hmm... tis few weeks buay pai lah, yesterday juz went singing with moomoo. Her singing not bad leh, but she say she hate her own singing..-.-... I went all the way to hougang to sing with her and she say her voice sucks... -.-.... But hougang the Kbox realli sux, damn lousy sia. Sing half way the stupid screen will hang one... kaoz... But still hor, the day quite fun lah... long time bo see moomoo le, she still as pretty sia.. :P. After singing with moomoo, i actually meeting ah-wei n the guyz to watch fantastic 4 one... but last min cancel le.. so i lan lan go home lor... Then when reach home is the normal stuff le. Play DOTA and TS online lor... no life sia... haha... a fat fark's life is destined to rot ba.. hmm. Edwin 'Thunder' Teo and sean and peter keep reminding me im fat sia.. kaoz.. they say is negative encouragement, can psycho me to lose weight.. -.-... they tink i stupid one ah? hahaha.. but they got a point lah.. i realli should lose some weights le... but i dun like to run leh... kaoz.. maybe tomolo book in then call someone drive car to try to bang me, maybe i will run ba... hahaha. Hao le, nothing much le. my mood not realli good now, so im juz trying to entertain myself by blogging tis entry.. -.-... ( Y cant she give me a chance sia... so many years le... haiz... suck thumb... gals are so hard to understand...)