The one in the middle of the night.

Im kinda vexed these days, lots of problem surfaced. Especially financial problems. Sigh.

My com died on me, and i needa change the motherboard and the processor, which amounts to around $160. Then the great eastern thingy dropped a bomb on me, telling me needa buy laptop. So i guess i will be paying $300 to the company cause i certainly do not wan to spend 800 bucks when i haven even started work. So yes. Screw laptops.

And then the convo thing i need $250 as deposit for the stupid graduation gown. Cb leh, how am i supposed to pop up with so much cash out of a sudden? I dun wanna borrow from ppl, so i have to tink of something. And then there's the problem about finding a job tat surfaced again after i decided to fly great eastern aeroplane. CB.

Shit happens, and as a matter of fact most of the shit is self-inflicted. Ya, i kinda ate myself. Ah well, i have this penchant to choose the wrong direction if u get what i meant. hmmms...

Enough bout my troubles, lets tok about something else. I've been repeatedly listening to a song these days. Didnt find it nice, until i heard it in somebody's car earlier this year at night near changi airport. I know its abit hard for ppl to understand, but those who knows, know, as usual. They will remember the song, each and everyone in the car. hahas! Ah well, those were the days eh? (Those that still rem the song name can try to guess it in the comment box. hurhur)

The earth still spins, and i do thank alex, who indirectly helped me. Toking this, i realli like my muay thai club more and more. The people there are nice, although im actually quite mean to the girls, lols. I like to disturb people lah, so i might be appear mean lor. But well, i realli meant no harm, and i had my fair share of people that cannot take jokes, so yeah, the gals in MT are realli good sports. =)

The guys in MT are a funny and interesting crowd, especially the seniors. What i enjoy is the seriousness when we train, and yet there's this comaderie and trust. When we train, the focus in our eyes realli makes me damn happy to be training with this bunch of people. With the recent addition and help of louis, wilson and jason, the training is getting more and more fun. =)

Then comes this side of me, that realli wanna be better at my art. To lose weight, gain speed and power. The stupid tummy is making my kicks less effective, although it does serve as a shock absorber sometimes. My balance is laughable so i cant realli do consequetive (i kw spell wrong. mental block.) kicks fast and furiously. Sigh. Needa train more ah jason lam, train more.

One more thing, as i get older, i realised im getting more and more long winded hor. U see my entries when i was younger was much shorter then the posts now lor. I tink im realli getting old le. Thinking bout it, i AM old. 26 yr old without a dime and best thing is im jobless. Haiz.

Alrite lah, enough of my depressing situation. Will think of something soon. Meantime, i have to go rest and wake up early tml to study for the HI test that is tml. I paid for it, might as well go for it rite?

Nitez fellows.^_^

The one with the besotted dreams

Im kinda depressed these days, simply because my parents dun realli understand what i am and what i wanna become. As usual, they're ur typical asian conservative types, who wans their kids to get a stable job and then work till old and save up an amount in CPF and then retire. In short form, sandwich class.

They never realli understood my dreams and aspirations. Im not one to be tied down to on 9 to 5 job and stay that way forever. I wan to start something i call my own, regardless how tough the going. I dare not say i am the perfect business man material with the perfect plan, but i wan and dare to try. Sigh.

Why do parents like to impose their format of life onto their kids? Why dun they understand sometimes, we wan to shape our own future, rather then follow their predetermined 'perfect life' format? They say im silly, naive and not practical. What's so silly about having a dream, naive about trying to fulfill that dream, and not practical about starting your own business?

My mum says business is onli for the rich kids, with rich dads to sponsor their business. For me, i believe in starting something from ur own hands, by your own means. So what if i have no rich dad? Capital problems can be solved with a good business plan, i personally have business ideas and concepts that are low cost and efficient.

An example is Seraphine Playworks, the cost for the entire operation was less then $200, simply because of the JIT inventory methodology i adopted. Orders first, inventory second. The same goes for the upcoming idea that im currently discussing with ah wei. The capital needed for this venture is just the registration fee and around $3k of backup funds. So you see, contrary to popular belief, u dun need alot of money to start a business.

Sigh, anyways, in the meantime i shall study well for my HI and M9, after passing out maybe work as a FA for the time being. No basic is a headache, but its still a proper job after all. I've decided to work hard for this job and at least get a stable income. Alot of ppl tells me negative stuffs about this line, but i still wanna go ahead and see where this will take me. I know, ppl might laugh or ridicule me IF i fail, but heck them all, even if i fail, i learn something out of it.

Enough about my miserable life, lets tok more about people's lives. People at some stage or another, fall deeply in love with another person, normally with the opposite sex. So the deeper they fall for somebody, the greater the hit they take when things end. What ppl see is the loss of somebody they loved for so long, what they fail to see, is how insignificant the situation is.

Everything has its cycle of beginning and end. When things end, why take it so bitterly? Its simply a cycle, and the saying that there is a better one out there is always true. By the Law of greater numbers, there is ALWAYS somebody better, no matter how perfect you deemed your lost love to be. So just take in the memories, and be glad that both of you had time together.

Im gonna be 30 in 4 yrs time, and i realised i lived almost 1/3 my entire lifespan. I have 2/3 of my life left to do something great and be someone great. By doing and being someone great, i dun mean appearing on Forbes magazine or anything related to being super rich. On the contrary, i wanna be a good son, husband and father.

To me, money is important, but nothing is more important than your loved ones and family. What the oldies says is true, the greatest wealth in the world is having a closely knit family. The parents who cared for you from birth to now, the siblings who went thru thick and thin with you thruout your life, the wife who chose to follow you trusting you with her entire remaining life that you will love her with all your heart and soul, and your children who loves you and believes in you. They are what's important, not just some greenbacks and golden bars.

I know its kinda philosophical, but nonetheless to be able to appreciate and conduct yourself with the above principle is not easy. People discover this truth sooner or later, but most of the time, its too late. Im just glad i realised this early, when i didnt learn this the hard way.

If you are looking for a clue to my recent sudden change in policy, you wont realli find it here. Its like i say, i woke up one day and had a eureka moment, and from then on, screw it. I know how i feel and who i am, i dun see a need anymore to be appreciated. This paragraph has no relation to the above paragraphs. Those who get it, got it. Those that dont, too bad. I will most prob ignore whoever say the magic words from now on.

Jason's: When things get sickeningly disgusting, they simply cease to exist. Law of Mutuality.

the one with the supa late updates

I've been too slack to realli update this blog, but i promise i shall try my best to update it more often. yeah, promise. =p

Anyways i got TONS to blog about, and some of the contents might be a bit surprising to some people. hahaha. Firstly, im on the way to becoming a FA with Great Eastern OCBC. Before u close this window and block me on msn and delete my phone number, let me tell you bout details k?

I actually told the company my criteria before i signed up with them. 1st thing is i dun harass frens and family members. Simple as that. Second is i dun wanna do MRT hawking. Its not that im acting high class or watever, its just so freaking hot and i will sweat like a dog wearing formal under the hot sun. When im hot and sweaty (when im not in training attire.) , my mood is totally fucked and im quite unapproachable, much less approach ppl. so there.

Todae i went for my M5 exam, and i failed it. Fuck. Its total crap, u need 75% and above to pass that fucking paper, which is like unless u get distinction, u cannot pass. wtf? Anyways im gonna spend $100 to retake it. Fuck man. Waste of money. ccb.

Im actually comtemplating whether to juz fuck the whole thing and accept the RBS loan executive position IF they call, or juz reject them and stick with this FA thingy. Benefits of a FA includes perfect time control, high earnings provided u put in the effort. Time and money is what i need to start a business, so what i wanna do is do my best to help ppl plan their finances, and earn a tidy sum within the first 3 yrs so i can start Lam's Enterprises. Good plan?

But its juz a utopian scenario lah, the hard work involved is not child's play. Infact, i foresee a dilemma even if i succeed in becoming a successful FA. Either i start my business, or i go try SIA as a pilot. With monetary capital to support myself for the next 2 yrs, its a perfect time to go try SIA. Sigh. I dun kw man, but lets not think that far, i might not even make it as a FA.

Okays. Now career stuffs aside, lets tok about the topic people are most interested about.... my life. Firstly, i like to say, someone misunderstood me. But i dun see a need to clarify, since its kinda pointless because it runs too deep lah. All bad stuffs is me, and all good stuffs is due to any other factors except me. haha. Well let the wheels roll, im too tired and cropped up with things to be bothered anymore.

I dun realli wanna be childish, but i guess i can onli retaliate with childishness. Its kinda fun in a morbid way, i dun kw why also, but fuck it, juz enjoy the lan-lan-ness of the whole issue. When things clear up in future if ever, we might just laugh at our stupidity although we're almost 50 yrs old added together.

Yesterday went for muay thai training, and guess who i saw? huimin. again. This time, its not in the library, she's having lecture and was dressed as a OL. Wah lan eh, sibei pretty lah. She's even prettier then last time in Sec School lor. But interestingly, i didnt chat much, just the usual hi and some crapping, then im on my way to bathe and change to go for dinner.

I was tinking about stuffs on the way to dinner with the muay thai fellows, and im starting to understand, life is about accepting and adapting. Accept things that cannot be, and adapt to changes. Me and her, i have to accept its not gonna happen, and then adapt and carry on with life as per usual. I managed to do that for huimin, and never did i expect her to come back into my life again after 10 yrs, as a frend that is, tentatively. hahah =x

Nonsenses aside, im slacking like nobody's business these days man. I need to pick myself up from this pile before i realli become shit. haha. So i needa do something, anything. ffffaaaarrrkkkk.....

Oh ya, and then there's this type of people that asks dumb questions. They think we're at the same level and we should start at the same pathetic level as them. People get educated for a reason, and that reason is a higher start in life then you, so stop whining as asking how qualified we are, and work on making urself as qualified as us.

The above mentioned type is that kind of fellow that whines at every fuck thing and wallows that the world is unfair and such. Why not see things in a different perspective? Go do something about urself, rather then blaming the world for fuck's sake. You are what you are, because of what you want yourself to be.

I hope it rains later man, i wanna sleep my M5 failure off. hahahas. Oh ya, im currently thinking about trying to prepare Panna Cotta. Its a simple italian dessert which looks and sound super delicious. Tml im going to town, most prob will buy the ingredients and try it out. heehee.

You know, this might sound clique and abit gayish, but i do foresee myself preparing breakfast for my wife on sundays before she wakes up, served up in a breakfast tray and we could have breakfast in bed. hiak hiak hiak~~ im so hopeless rite? yeah i do agree, but that's how i am. Im someone that is emotional and romantically inclined. But im not those girlish girlish fellow, i come with fire and i am 100% man. Right now im trying to make myself more cultured, less vulgarities, and more constructive sentence linkages. =p

Wootz, call of nature, gotta shit. So im signing off here to go shit. Till the nxt entry!