Sibei Long Entry!

I have alot to tok about in this post, so bear with me, its gonna be a long ride people. :)

Firstly, i liked to touch on fitness. Im trying to eek out more time to go running and swimming and gyming, just ytd, i FORCED myself to go swimming, and im glad i did. hurhurs. The tummy feels flatter alreadi. But on another note, i've been eating veri sinful stuffs these days man, i had waffle with ice-cream, cheesy curry chicken cubes, burger king etc over this 2 days. Fuck.

I shall need to control my diet if i wanna have any hopes of passing my ippt man, i needa lose around 10 kg to make the 70kg grade. 70 kg, V-shaped body, nicely fitting into my shorties with no overflow at the top. Wootz. And i have a new conclusion about god's gifts recently.

I used to think that the man up there isnt veri fair to me, giving me good skin, yet making me fat, giving me good language skills, yet lacking in charisma... and the list goes on. So i asked myself this question, what is the solution to all these problems? Its not like the old man is gonna give me a miracle out of no where, the answer lies in myself.

He gave me a good foundation, the rest is up to me, good skin yet flabby body? Train. Because if he gave me bad skin and a good body, bad skin is impossible to remedy totally, so he gave me the lesser of both evils. In one sentence: I am fat because i chose it, not because god willed it. :)

Whether i look yandao anot when im slimmer i dun realli care anymore, because it will definitely be better then the pile of lard i see in the mirror daily. Period. I must eat more sensibly, i have alreadi binged, so no point whining about what went in, might as well plan what is going to go in.

After fitness, now comes financial status. I am officially dry after todae, because i went to singing with my poly guitar club frens. Wow, spent around $30 bucks on singing and dinner alone todae. Side-tracking abit, i realised the lighting in kbox is abit deceiving, people look realli good under the dim dim light. Kinda reflect real life as well. hurhur

Money money money, i simply cant do without it, and i sincerely hope that i will have tons of it in future ( who doesnt?). And when i came home, i was immediately told to do a marital survey by bel. The survey toks about how people value marriage in our current society, and after filling up the LONG LONG online form, i concluded that i am super ultra wudi traditional.

Corinne texted me todae asking whether she's fat anot. Wah lan eh, 1 week nvr text me le, suddenly text me this kinda question, how to answer sia. -.-" In fact she lost weight as compared to last time in poly, but simply because her poly fren met her the other day and commented she put on lots of weight, she cant sleep and eat properly because of a simple comment. Gals. hahas.

Toking about gals, i received news that my first love is single after 9 yrs together with my frend. I feel sad for her man, after being together for so long, everyone was tinking they were cfmed to get married, and then things just ended so abruptly. I dun kw the full story, so i shall not comment on who is rite and who is wrong, but from my perspective, i see another social problem.

When a couple goes into their late 20s, after being together for so long, people will tink they will be getting married soon. But when things took a sudden turn, and the guy ditched the gal, unfairness happens. As i said earlier, guys have a golden period which stretches from 30 to 40, yet for the general female population, the golden period is 18 to 25, after which their value goes downhill ( i said generally, im not a MCP hor. ). Therefore its hard for the gal to find someone to settle down with, as compared to the guy.

Ah well, the wheels of life keeps turning, and we will never know what it has in store for us. And for your info, i have no notion of "eating backwards grass" at all, she shall stay as a memory. Besides, there's only one person im interested to be with now, noone else comes close at all.

Investment lecturer once said its better to "live an exciting 5 mins life, then a dull 5 yr life", and i tink it conforms with my hiongster mentality. I will gladly take risks if i deem the rewards are worth the risk, and when it comes to this, i am totally certain that im willing to take all kinds of shit just to enjoy the rewards. No matter the subject matter. According to Miles and Snow, i am a prospector. hurhurs

There is a reason for everything, and everything we do. I truly believe in that, and rather then going against reason and fate, why not let things flow naturally? Lie low and watch how to wind blows before determining the next course of action.

I have loads of crap to crap, but i tink this entry is looking more like a thesis then a blog entry man. Having said that, i tink i should stop here. Im getting tired from typing anyways. hohoho.

Jason's : Of dreams and hopes.

Sweet Dreams

The only difference is the looks.

With a smile and a chuckle, i leave it behind. I cant deny the traces of it, its all part and parcel of growing up. Sometimes forgoing is good, because somethings are simply not good for you. Fats.

Im a late bloomer, because im always late in whatever i do. Im late for meetings, late for class, late in my interests etc. Everything i do, im late. hahahass. Anyways like the prophecy from the japanese temple says, the first 25 yrs of my life will be a little hard to get thru, but after the initial 25 yrs, my life will be BIG RED BIG PURPLE, and after 30 yrs old i will lead an 'emperor's' life. hurhur.

Well, believing the prophecy anot, is not the main point. The main point is i will work towards my business empire dream no matter there's the prophecy anot. Being superstitious is fine, but being superstitious and not doing anything about your future is a big no no.

Most of the time, like the song 'Eye Of A Tiger', we change our passion for glory. Things started coming too fast too furious, and u start to lose sight of why u started on this path in the first place. That is the effect the society and environment have on people. Stalwartness is required to stand firm in this kinda turbulent times. Can i be stalwart? Rock steady?

Options are open now, and there's alot. Bit by bit, inch by inch, the market opens up, and new ventures are discovered, but which one is the one to buy in? Which one to invest in? Currently, we have to wait for the technical correction to subside, before going into the market again, everything is plunging like mad, and the only thing on the rise is gold and oil. Double meaning.

Do not be too self-centred. A good advice for alot of people, even my best frend. Had a conflict with him awhile back, and its about his self-centredness and assumptions. But as usual, we fucked it out, then afterwards things were back to normal. Like i said, i learned the best way to sort things out, is to get together and fuck things out, after which, walk out of the room and things are back to normal. My warrant officer in army taught me this method to settle disputes, and i agree this is how true man settles stuffs. :)

Business wise, i just got a proposed long term deal with my fren's fren, a insurance agent that buys PSPs for her clients. Ah wei side the website is stuck once again, due to very grim and unforeseen reasons. Time is not on our side, and i deeply suspect there will be future complications. Ah well, i just hope my instincts were wrong, im wrong most of the time rite? :)

All the above, and yet when a frend asked me a question, i gave a illogical and naive reply. He asked : " Will you give up your career and status for someone?"

"yes."

Jason's : I want a trucker cap.

Step Up

The sun rose up and i woke up. Life wasnt so bad lah, not as i perceived. Was damn tired todae, when an sms i receive during my mrt trip woke me up totally. And i tot my life took a dive hell.

The sms was sent by corinne. Her dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and there's no cure for it. She's so stunned that she dun kw how to react. I can feel her sadness in the sms, and i can only console her. So u see, what's my situation compared to her? Mine is small case nia.

Seeing corinne's case, im starting to worry about my parents. Im so stuck within my beautiful little world that i totally overlooked the fact that there is more to the world then gals. Though i hate to admit it, people around me are right, i have a over-emphasis on romance. Gals come and go, other stuffs in ur life are what that realli matters.

Studies, career,money, parents, frends, those are the things that should take precedence. Im chatting with xh nw, and the clouds are beginning to disperse from my sky. Time and again, the cycle repeats itself, and each time, a new ridiculous reason surfaces. sigh.

Projects are ending, and OT is killing me. The requirements are piling up as the lecturer keeps adding more and more stuffs to the project. 2500 words and we're supposed to squeeze everything into it, how sia?

After corinne's sms, i woke up. So let everything be back to normal ba, aint too late to realign myself. :)

Jason's : Learn from other people's experiences.

Ironic Karma

Like i've said before, its always good to stay ignorant. Oh well, its not like its never happened to me before, and yes, she still dun kw. Shall not blog bout her todae. Wasnt a good day realli.

Long day todae, just finished compiling OT 10 mins ago and im dying here. Dun understand how come i got to my blog, but its a dumb question to ask myself in the middle of the nite, since im here, might as well blog.

Im not going to diss anybody, but im just disappointed with the performance level. Totally disappointed, im was going crazy about 2 hrs ago, and i deeply suspect i will be all the way tomorrow. I ate a half chicken rice just nw as i was chatting with my frens at the kopitiam as usual.

The chicken i ate fried me, and im feeling sick now, most prob will be sick tomolo. Tomorrow is day 1, of wat, im not going to explain, those with a good heart, wish me luck. I do hope tomolo im fine, if not i will PMS, and when i PMS, its not funny.

I've been getting mysterious bruises and insect bites these days, and just todae, my hand was bleeding and i didnt notice at all. What is happening? Is it just pure coincidence? Ah well fuck it, its not like im going to lose my hands and legs or whatever.

After this thursday, i will feel abit free-er than now, because WIL's deadline is thursday. Like i said before this post, i know im repeating, but i have to emphasize, i am damn fucking busy this 2 weeks. Fuck the projects man, i feel like im doing projects more then going for lectures. ccb.

Watched Get karl! Soo jong! yesterday nite, its about this fat guy that was ditched by a beauty queen simply because he failed his law exams. Its damn funny, and that fat guy actually went to america and became a world class golfer. 8 years down the road, tat fat guy came back as a hunk that every woman will die for, whereas the beauty queen became a old maid that is still single and cant get married. Karma or celestial justice? u decide.

Rather then me trying to hard to know a person and tat person's interests, why cant that person at least try to know who i realli am and what are my interests? Reality tells me a resounding "dream on dude, dream on.".

Last bit of randomness amidst all my random jabberings in this entry. Was on the mrt todae, and saw a guy in a wheelchair, guess what's the wheelchair brandname? Karma. Yes, its spelled correctly, KARMA. Deep within me, the irony of the name and the purpose strucked me. Is the company trying to mock the user? That that person's end justifies the brandname? That its karma that they are using the product? Funny name for a wheelchair company, that's for certain. Mind you, im not laughing at the disabled, im just appalled by the irony of the brand name.

Oh yeah, i forgot to inform u peeps, i've uploaded my own version of cai hong onto my blog. So feel free to listen to it and criticize me, i know its not a veri good rendition. Im still abit shaky and not accustomed to listening to my own voice. And if u listen carefully, u can hear some traffic noises behind. hurhur, told ya its my first try. :)

Jason's : You kw u're realli fucked up when people stop telling you that you're fucked up.

Humji Me*

Im worried. Worried of status change, not of mine obviously. I know i should stay confident and optimistic, but its hard not to be worried. Hmms, we came a long way, a long long way infact. Was a crush, then became an obsession, and now its matured into sincere feelings. Ah well, i didnt tell the guys about this, so nobody actually knows the process.

There's alot that i know, which i cannot blog down here. But lets just say im not a perfect person as well, i have always said, when u feel for somebody, u accept all aspects of her. Im not being noble here, just stating the facts. And i find her cute in alot of ways that others deem to be negative, come on, she's unique. :)

Okies, those goosebumps are rising up alreadi, i keep toking bout her in my blog, its abit sickening to the readers. hahaahss.

And so todae i went to the cleo top 50 bachelor party with nich and 6 other gals. Due to a strange twist of circumstances, i went there to accompany nich after finishing project in skool, infact i rushed home to change into my shoes before running downstairs to take a cab just to honour my promise to accompany nich. Cab fare was $16 bucks, and the party wasnt that fun realli. We were just standing around behind the crowd and we couldnt even see a thing.

My main purpose there was to fulfill my promise to nich and to be there so that he wont be the only guy. Im not gay, so im definitely not interested in the gay fest. I do admit there's alot of hot babes there, but seriously, they're totally not my type. I want a simple homey girl-next-door. No matter how hot the gals there, im totally bored there.

My only happiness came from a beef bun which i got at zouk as a refreshment. After the event, went to esplanade to eat a $6 hokkien mee and within 10 mins after finishing my meal, i bid nich and the gals farewell then rush for the last train. Wasnt my typical fun day, but im glad i at least helped nich abit lah, if u get wat i mean. :)

Todae spent $16 + $6 = $22 for nothing and my wallet is still bleeding from it man, hahahass. But nvm lah, u aint born with money and u cant bring money with u when u die. See open abit ba. hahahasss

Recorded 2 sample songs, Shi jie mo ri and Forever love. Turns out to be not too bad, but i need to adjust the mic and music volume abit, music too soft, mic too loud. Its quite hard to record a perfect song, because sometimes the wind blows or some fuck thing drop then spoil the whole recording. But slowly ba, the nxt song i will record is Cai Hong, and after successfully recording it, i will put it in my blog~ :) (Will take some time, projects first, then recordings.)

Jason's : I think she still dun kw, because i dun do things that normal guys do during courtship.

Adhesives

Rainy night, wow. Cooling nite, clear mind. Suddenly felt like blogging, so here i am.

PM test todae was a breeze, and true enough our lecturer was true to his word, everything came out as expected. Was on the bus, and realized in 1 years time, i will graduate and should be looking for a job. Age is catching up with me, and my school days are numbered.

Something in my current life are coming to an end, projects are ending in 2 weeks time and RT is ending next week. Toking about RT, i kinda miss it, the feeling where u train with lots of people brings back memories of army days, when u suffer and enjoy with ur army mates, although now its more relax.

Okays, this came randomly, i was chatting about maturity and violence with mee kia they all during our usual la kopi session just now. Fighting and violence were a thing of the past for all of us, we never thought that we will get in a fight anytime soon, as compared to when we were young.

Thomas quoted his teacher once telling him one veri meaningful sentence : "When a person is 15 yrs old, he will determine which path he will be taking." Wow, how true. At least it applies to all my old time frends. There's this example of a notorious pai kia, where during sec 3, he changed totally and after a few years, he became JJC's top student. Like what they say, Lang Zi Hui Tou Jin Bu Huai.

That's the good example, the bad example is those people that will never grow up of that phrase. A sad minority still cling on to the notion that violence solves problems, which is never, and will never be the case in the singaporean context. Smart people will know, the pen is more powerful then the fist. U wanna play somebody, use brains and outwit them, not use fist and pound the fish out of them. We aint kids anymore, so unless its to protect your loved ones, never solve a problem with the fist.

Ah well, we discuss everything and anything under the sun it seems, and our next topic shifted to dick length, yes, u heard rite, dick length. Im not gonna say the details, because its not appropriate. hurhur.

Was shocked the hell out of my wits todae. Unexplainable.

Before i go sleep, i shall paste the lyrics of a very melodious song here for u peeps to appreciate. And dun be mistaken, it does not reflect anything or refer to anybody. hahahas! Ciaoz!

擦肩而过

歌手：李圣杰

我爱着谁
爱到我有点醉
告诉我你是谁
能够把我让我变不对
你不会累
但我却爱你爱得好累
从没有为了谁
不顾安危付出一切
站在这平衡点
我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见
只能够靠感觉

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

你听我说
你不要这么做
你不要看着我
说你已经知道怎么做
你很难受
我愿意陪你一起承受
只要你不怕痛
再多坎坷我都陪你走
站在这平衡点
我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见
只能够靠感觉

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

Jason's : Do miracles exist? Because i kinda need one now.

Nirvana-tivity

Long day todae, wasnt the best day in my life. I was on a momentary high just now, and im suddenly kinda moody because of something i heard just now. Why am i moody? I know deep inside, yet i dun wanna admit it and i cant say it out. I know im contradictory, but isnt life contradictory from the start?

Alrite, shall not dwell too much on it.

Projects are slowly draining the life force out of me, and im beginning to ask myself the epic question again, how to hell did i get here? Ah watever man. Im alive and kicking and glad to be that way. heh.

Dreams and hopes are what makes people great, or so i was told, but im not great leh. Maybe not yet lah, but the kinda person i wan to be in future is veri simple. A successful businessman who is refined and eludes charisma, yet at the same time a musician who is creative and writes songs based on people that i know. I will also take up photography, then travel around the world to take pictures of different places to form a huge collage. And not forgetting a good woman who will accompany through thick and thin. :)

Ah well, sounds kiddish and unreal i know, told u i was dreaming. But im working towards my goal, there's a diff between dreaming and working towards your dream. I chose to believe im the latter. :)

Recently some events shook the foundations of my newfound peace. And currently im trying to rebalance out things to achieve emotional equilibrium again. Ya, im trying to calm myself down and proceed with things a little slower, its going too fast too furious. Chill man, if its yours its yours, if its not meant to be, hao fast also will never be.

Jason's : Who is the one i see in the mirror? A reflection of myself, or am i the reflection?

Suicidal Choices

Todae i went honest, and finally broke the mystery and the news. Its been brewing for 1 yr plus, and when finally i told everybody, its so swuang. hahahass. And the feedback i got was my choice was suicidal. lolx.

Suicidal, i might be, but i just dun care man, i follow what my heart and instinct tells me. As usual, i expected lots of negative stuffs from everyone, but i kw deep inside, that if i dun even at least gave it a go, i will regret it for my entire life. Its just a thin line between bravery and foolishness, and i chose to believe that i am brave rather then dumb. yeah.

Im not the best man on the list, neither do i even presume im on the list. hahass. Im not big-headed to THAT extend. lolx. Im taking it easy this time around, i perceive myself as having next to no chance, so my hopes aint that high although i keep irritating those 2 people that kws this secret until they buay tahan and keep bursting my bubbles. :p

And therefore i once more say this again, my blog is open and without much restrictions, up to this point in time, those people that should kw have alreadi knew, and those that still dun kw will kw after this entry, provided they read my blog lah. Its too bloody obvious. hahahass.

Enough bout zharbo, as i said in the last entry, my fitness have improved alot, and i also see myself fitting better into my old clothes, todae i wore my sweater, that has been too small for me for the past 3 yrs, and its a good fit, though can still see my fats hanging around. opps.

I am slowly evolving yet again, as usual. Though i dun kw what kinda form i will change into, i highly suspect i will be still round and fat. hahahas! Fat or slim i dun care anymore ba, i just wanna pass my ippt. RT gave me a head start towards passing my ippt, giving me 5 points in 2 stations, and the rest of the stations most prob after training relaxingly for 2 months, i should be able to get 5 points as well.

I foresee myself running into financial trouble for my last 2 semester fees, so i most prob will be taking out a study loan soon. Something happened in my family, and im abit troubled by it, nonetheless, im old enough to understand the need to be independent.

I hope nicholas will strike lottery, i realli realli he will strike lottery. The reason i will not say, but if he strikes lottery, then lets just say i will be the happiest man in the world. hahahasss!

Jason's : Any guy in the world could do what i do, yet could any guy in the world feel what i feel?

Suicidal Peeps!

People around me are suicidal, and ah wei just told me his lesbian fren is uncontactable for 2 days in a row and the last time she was on msn, her nick was " Why didnt i die?". Ah wei was wondering what happened, and im kinda raw on this kinda stuff, because i have never handled a missing lesbian case. hmms.

I told ah wei to maybe go check it out from the gal that caused her all this misery, maybe she will kw. And ah wei was commenting to me nowadays, even gals hurt gals. Ironic hor? It seems in watever relationship, whether straight or crooked, peeps seems to be hurting peeps. And then comes the big question--> why?

I dun have an answer for that, but as for myself, i would rather be the one being hurt then the one hurting people. I will never do stewpid stuffs and ditch my gal, tat is for sure, the only ditching that will occur is when my gal ditch me. hahahass!

Okays, back on a serious note, i've came to an understanding about something, and im adopting eugene's mentality. Got means its a blessing, dun have also dun need to brood on it too much, anyways if its worth it, u will continue waiting passively. Notice i say passively, because if u're too active, u will become a pain in the ass. Noone wanna be a pain in the ass, trust me, i had experience with a few, and i screwed the fuck out of them.

Okies, todae as usaul, im a veri happy man. im mostly happy nowadays lah, cause there's something that makes me happy. Its obvious, people can see, and so i take it that the subject should kw ba. Happy is copied all over my personal dictionary now, but being happy is not enough, i wanna be blessed. Yeah, blessed, if u get the link with the paragraph above. hahahas

Enough nonsense, back to daily life. RT is working wonders, todae took ippt, and my running 2.4 improved by 2 mins, sit-up became 5 points, shuttle run became 5 points. The rest all failed, but pull up improved by 1. Might not sound much i know, but in just 2 weeks, its alot. I feel myself getting fitter and fitter. Wootz!

I like my new hairstyle, firstly because its cooling, and secondly because its neat and hassle-free, dun need to style the stupid hair for too long. Long hair is a hindrance to training too. heh. Tomolo morning im gonna go gym! Its time to do abit of work on my own, cannot keep depend on RT, RT is ending in 2 weeks time, so after that i have to persevere on my own. wow.

The time has come for me to be completely honest, whoever ask me watever questions, im not gonna evade and change topic le. Ask me, and i shall tell u the truth, nothing but the truth. Saw botak on the mrt todae, and as usaul, he's still the old botak.

Lets tok abit about botak shall we? Botak is a nonsense spouting poly fren of mine, who likes to tok lots of rubbish and nonsense, yet a fun person to be with. He's mouth is always full of insults and grumbles, yet deep inside he's a nice person lah. He always like to nag and scold stuart, and in the past stuart was labelled as the weak one in our group, second the kai cheong, the legendary 'weak one'. hahahass

But there's one thing i dun realli approve of botak, he simply likes to slack, dun bother to upgrade himself at all. The rest of our poly group didnt study much during poly, and we played our time away, yet now we all grew up and matured. Those studying, are working hard to get good grades, and those working are working their ass off to climb the ladder. And botak is slacking at home a few mth ago, currently he's working as some kinda part time slacker. Haiz.

Sad botak. I do wish he can get his mentality up to speed like the rest of us, he's still like a kid. Dude, if u are reading this, pls, im not dissing u man, i just want u to grow up into good men like KC, Wong, Kaicheong, stuart and me. U cant simply slack ur life away as an odd job worker man.

For a finale, i shall paste the lyrics of a song that rei recommended to me here. Its meaningful and has a deeper meaning to it, okay i just repeated myself. hahaass, watever man. So here we go:

"Angels Or Devils"
By Dishwalla

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

Jason's : Im kinda numb by reality, so i gonna need a alternate universe soon.

Crazy Fucker

Todae i went to cut my hair super short. I guess i finally bear to cut my long hair. I love long hair, but i need a change i tink, and im now contemplating dyeing my hair ash blonde and getting a ear stut. Im still considering man... i seriously tink im going crazy.

Tomolo im going to sentosa! Im going with meekia they all, to get tanned and chill out abit. This week's been too hectic for me, and i need time off from all the relationship confusion that's been bugging me. Yesterday wasnt so good, cause i kinda lost my cool. I lost my focus and therefore im abit crazy yesterday. Cutting my hair is one way to help me recollect what matters most to me and what i should concentrate on.

Whether she likes me anot, i tried and im still trying, its a thick wall they say, but to me, no matter how thick the wall, as long as i feel it's worth it then i will keep trying to knock down that wall. Nicely put its called perseverance and determination, but people chose to call me dumb and silly. Whatever they say ba.

Im abstaining from soft drinks from tomolo onwards, so without sugar, i will be abit restless and moody for the next month. Give it a month, the deadline is coming up soon. RT is ending in 2 weeks time and i still haven pass my ippt, what a failure i am, wow.

Will be brushing up my guitar skills from tomolo, putting aside 1 hr per day just to practice guitar again. Im gonna get a acoustic guitar soon, and maybe i shall be taking over rei's extra acoustic.

Sometimes, when you click with people, there's 2 ways to click. One way is the open chemistry, when everything u do and say is openly similar with the other party, that is open symmetrical chemistry. The second way is hidden parallel chemistry, where u and the other party clicks, but in ways that only you know.

A good example of open chemistry is kuku, she clicks with me to a very eerie point, and that's why i think having a god-sister like her aint that bad after all. The example of hidden chemistry, i shall not say who is it, but its obvious.

And before signing off this entry, im considering taking part in the dance club in skool, yes, dun laugh, i wanna go learn hip hop. But im waiting to see if the guys wanna join me as well, if not i will go alone. I know im fat lah, but fat dun mean cannot dance mah. Chill.

Jason's : Simplicity is a felicity of life, yet pride and prejudice dictate mankind.

Overwhelmed

Things have been a roller coaster ride these days. I wondered is life going uphill or downhill, i seriously dun know at this point of time. Im happy for all the right reasons, yet doubtful for all the wrong reasons. I am going against the tide, at least that's what i choose to believe.

People say lots of stuffs, and i beg to differ, yet i cannot simply wipe away stuffs that make sense. Some of their analysis makes lots of sense, and worse thing is, different people tells me different stuffs and advice. I hate that kinda feeling, when i feel myself being so easily influenced by whatever other people say.

And so im determined, i like her enough to go against logic and go against tide. I might be fat, i might be rotund looking, i might not be yandao, i might not be talented, but fuck whatever ba, even if there's a 0.0001% chance, i dun mind going against the world if i have to, because i like her.

I've been trying to make it bloody obvious, because the time has come to take action and give it a try. What meimei says is also correct, things are unpredictable like the wind. In the first place, why bother to predict? So what if failed? Will you die? No. So pick up the pieces and carry on, im halfway there to the destination, so why not finish up what i started, rather then leaving it dangling in midair.

Ah well, like i always say, there are times where u simply wanna heck the world and do whatever u want. This is such a time, i kw they meant well for me, but they built me up, and now they're trying to tear me down for my own good. I understand their kind intentions, but just let me walk till the end, even if i fail, i do not wanna fail with regrets.

Handed in WIL project todae, anyhow do then hand in. I dun tink i will get high grades for this one. Heck ba, i still need to juggle my other stuffs as well, seraphine is doing well, and im veri busy over the orders, group projects are back to haunt me and RT is making me damn tired, though its good for me.

I have decided to take a drastic measure to shed lard, its a method u dun wanna know about. I need to pass my ippt, and so i have been saying from ages ago. I dun wanna be a NATO, no action talk only, so ya, try harder dude.

Life and it's irony, things might seem good, but actually they are bad, and vice versa. Why the fuck are there so many masks and complexity in life? Gosh, fuck me.

Jason's : Against time and against tide, who shall prevail?