the one with the 10

It realli amazes me sometimes,how emotions can actually go into auto-pilot. Anyways, im just gonna keep quiet and remain neutral. Its my turn to watch , i alreadi got golden horse award, so i just diam diam ba.

Life hasnt been that kind to me, although i still think my life is much better then 80% of the people around the world. Watched HOME, a documentary to promote Save Gaia. Once again, something in me moved when i watched how the documentary was shot. The global inbalance in financial status, the poor get poorer and the rich get richer by exploiting the earth resources.

Im not a super go green person, but im still moved by the documentary. Once again im reminded, that while im involved and obsessed with some small and stupid stuffs, there are people who didnt even have the luxury to mull over such issues. What's on their mind, is how to survive till the next day, everyday.

Its not only this documentary that struck a cord with me, there's this other short film that won the 2008 Best short film at a Europe award called '10 Mins'. Go youtube it, its very inspiring and its a masterpiece. The Bosnian War scene was shot in 1 continuous take and its realli a directing masterpiece with a message behind it. I like stuffs with a meaning behind it. =)

Alrite, i shall list out 10 experiences that made this guy a stupid fuck. Yeah, u heard it, stupid fuck. Kinda painful ya know, but things gonna be learnt the hard way, and yeah, im still a stupid fuck. hahaha.

1) Never be too nice to a gal. Too nice, and u are simply heading down the 'Brother' or 'Bestie' road. I dun mean being nasty to her lah, but save the mushy mushy stuffs after she's yours. If not, dun bother.

2) This might sound stupid, but well, do not let her know how much you like her. Keep her in suspense and you are effectively keeping the ball in your park. Never demonstrate that you are 100% into her, if not, she might either make use of you, or manipulate you in some other ways, but never accept you.

3) No matter how strong the urge, do not sms or call her too much. As per above, guys tend to exhibit a insane tendency to sms or call the gal everyday. If she likes you, u dun contact her, she also will contact you lah. If she dun like you, you call 1 million times also useless, you're only fucking irritating to her. So there, do not, i repeat DO NOT contact her 'turbo-ly'. Show her that you can control yourself.

4) Hang up the god damn phone if you find the conversation draggy. I've not chatted on the phone for more then 5 yrs, but from previous telephony experiences from Sec skool and Poly days, its best to hang up. Noone enjoys silence over the phone when you can hear the wind blowing or their mum screaming. Nothing to say, hang up. Period.

5) There is infact, no such thing as chemistry or sparks. Yes, i know people might disagree with me here, but if a person likes you, he or she will slowly adapt. You will start to learn the habits and likings of each other, so bit by bit, things will start to gel. Infact, if u like him/her enough, u will go research and understand more on her/his interests. Its not about giving up your identity, its about the effort that you make to understand someone you say you love.

6) Always make sure you are very sure of how you feel before taking the plunge. Never go in uncertain, uncertainty always screws things up. Never gamble on others' feelings, it always leads to an unsightly ending, and the entire world will know you're a fucking bastard. Yeah, the entire world, communication is veri advanced now.

7) Things always happen for a reason. If you dun get the gal, dun despair, cause it might be god's way of protecting you. Yes, u heard rite. Most prob after you get together with her, your career might crash, or some fucking satellite might land on you. Fate is something that protects you, not ridicule you. I know, you can tell me thousands of "if's" and "what if's", but dun imagine things, you are not god, you cannot make things move the way you want it. That's the fact. And you cant be with her, is also a fact. Accept it.

8) Never say never. Do not swear to god that you will never fall for him/her, cause god might not only be the one laughing at your sorry ass. Seriously, noone knows what will happen, and the onli certainty in the world is uncertainty. Therefore do not say that you will never fall for him/her, you REALLI never know what will happen sia. nb.

9) Beauty is onli skin deep. Trust me, all my life, i dare not say i've been in any relationships, but i've been frends with the best of them. The best gals i've known in my 26 yrs are not extremely pretty, infact, average looking, but they realli do have a angelic aura around them. Nice, refined, perfect in every sensible sense. And the worst gals i've known are well, the top of the range in the looks department. But im thankful, i found a diamond in the rough, but too bad its NEVER gonna work and im just thankful she didnt hire assassin to kill me. hiak hiak hiak. (oh fuck, i said never, which contradicts point 8. Um well, this is an exception, it realli is never. hahaha)

10) A final point to take note is, things are like a see-saw, the secret is always balance. You give, you take. Things are not gonna last if you keep giving and not taking, same goes vice versa. The hardest part in relationship maintainence is keeping a balance in everything. Never have the notion that when u keep giving and not taking, you're a perfect man. Perfection is a sin, and people hate sinners. Like i have said before, and i always will say, 2 imperfect persons make a perfect couple.

Special Point ) If things ended, let it end. When a relationship fails, there is always a reason, therefore dun try to drag things and let the reason hurt each other further. Get together, cherish every moment, and in the unfortunate event it ends, smile and let it end.

The precious lessons that life taught me will always be with me, no matter where i go. I always believed im a man meant to do great things, and there are times where the going gets tough and i start to doubt myself. But then again, men are like iron ore, we all need to be forged in the fires of hardships in order to become steel. Therefore all the bad stuffs are actually just there for me to learn and grow, and there are all part and parcel of the journey to become the man i was destined to be.

Buay Song

These few days, my mood isnt on cloud nine. Alot of fucked up things are fucking up my mind. First off, my results are fucking on hold by the dun kw what fuck aussie union. Why the fuck do they have to fucking hold up OUR results? Pua cb, the best thing is, IT ONLI AFFECTS US, THE AUSSIE STUDENTS THERE ARE NOT FUCKING CB AFFECTED! FUCK YOU BASTARDS!

Second thing that's driving me crazy is the fucked up job market. Its kinda hard finding a job, and although i can and wan to do sales, i need bank interior experience. So yes, i gotta find a internal job position in a bank and crank up on the experience. Fuck. Im poor enough as it is, now knn still must settle for some cb fucked up pay, 1.5k to 1.7k. Cb, i last time diploma also get 1.8k working as a assistant engineer lor.

Thirdly, i still owe my frends money. $150 to jer, $300 to ah wei. Fuck. I wanna pay them back as soon as possible, but as long as i cant find a job, i cant. I dun like to owe frens money, especially they being the ones who without a second word lent it to me. I thank god that i have frends that are always there for me when the going gets tough. So yes, they are also the reason i wanna find a job asap.

Fourth, i needa pay my grandma back. The study fees remember? Its 30K lah, must start repaying asap also. Although not pressured, i still wanna settle it asap. Argh, so many stuffs to settle, with all these financial burdens on me, when the fuck can i start my own stuffs?

Coupled with all these, there's this other thing as well. I know i shouldnt feel this way, but well, fuck that. What thing? I dun wanna say, but its fucking me up from within. I must try to tear myself away from this thing. I fucking must. Its fucking up my life.

So all these factors cumulate into a negative mood streak for me these days. Therefore in the meantime, dun screw with me.


On a final note, someone asked me do i still. yes i still.

3 doors open, 2 doors closed

People ask me, why i so long never blog. My answer besides the exams is that i dun wanna divulge too much stuffs, might cause misunderstandings you see. Exams are officially over, and if nothing goes wrong, theoretically im at the end of my student life. After 26 yrs. wow.

Along this whole 3 yrs of uni life, everything now seems like a fleeting image. You kw, the joyous times, the down times, the mugging days etc. I've made frens that i kw can go the distance, and im kinda thankful that i actually belonged to a group the moment i step into uni.

Went out abit after the exams, and im beginning and understand the magnitude of the next phrase of life. Finally i have walked out of the confines of this academic society, armed with the most basic of qualifications. Which door will i open? What path will i walk? The unknown always seem to excite me and generally speaking, im a risk taker.

Pilot plans have to be shelved for the time being, cause i needa earn some dough for the reasons i've explained in a previous post. So now its a ground job for the time being. Banker? Marketer? Sales? Infact, i dun wanna take up a back end job. Yeah i kw its stable, but there's no challenges and risk, its too mundane. I thrive on volatility, to me, its either u make it, or u dun. Simple equation.

And lastly, there are 2 things i should shed. 1 is fats, the other, my kiddish demeanour, or in short, my crapping and yapping. Im naturally a joyful person, but sometimes too joyful and i automatically go into crap mode. And so, time to lose it and face the world. =)

Alrite, now to tok about a type of person i totally fucking hate. I hate ppl that keeps saying how bad life has been to them and they keep toking about what kind of shit they have been thru etc. They think they're the onli ones with problems and they've been thru enough shit and hence is a breed above. I say fuck their cb mentality. I know of 2 persons like tat.

They lead what kind of fuck life, i dun care, but the thing is, i KNOW things aint that bad for them. They are the kind of fucktarts that craves for people to respect them, and they aint getting it from me. Infact, i look down on them. To have to resort to such methods hoping that people will respect them. Pui.

Im toking about a specific type here, im fine with people whining about life and such, but to tell you things like "aiyah, i've been thru more then you lah, u dun kw one lah.", tis is that kind i hate the most. Among the 2, 1 of them i totally ignore, whenever he ask me out for kopi or watever, i simply ignore or heck. I dun wanna go out there and listen to his fucking cb nonsenses, and i totally am not impressed by watever he says he's been thru.

People like to dramaticize things, to the extend i realli realli feel they are damn dumb. Argh. Fuck them all.

Okays, composure. Chill. And as i was saying, life after studies. A few plans are in my mind, i alreadi plan how to spend money =.=". Firsy paycheck will be used to buy working neccesities, and then nxt one to revamp my room, and all future earnings will be invested. A percentage will go to repayment of the study debt, and a little amount is saved in the bank, just in case my stocks go bankrupt. i shall apply the 1/4 theory that i so convenient thought out for myself.

The 1/4 theory is a basic and simple approach to investment that people always overlook. 1/4 of your investment fund should always be hedged on some non-risky asset, and the other 1/4 for extremely risky assets. The remaining half should be positioned somewhere in between both risk horizon, meaning moderate-risk assets. Never play contra, unless you can cover your ass. After my bad experience with the US stock markets, i can safely tell you guys that stocks are never predictable, or should i say, human psychology?

And then to supplement the investment mentality with the professional gambler rules that i've read up on. Ya, i went to research on gambling as a profession, and the ironic thing is, professional gamblers do not realli 'gamble'. They take calculated risk, and alot of patience is required. Professionals stick to the staking plan, and observation serves a critical part in the success or failure.

Wootz, i've been writing for the past hr unwittingly, and i haven updated you guys. haha

Next week im going to vietnam for my grad trip. And im not veri excited about it, dun kw why leh, just not excited. Before people jump to conclusions that im not excited because of a certain someone not going for the trip, i wanna inform people that usually before going overseas, im always in a non-chalent mood. Its the same when i went to Japan, Taiwan, Australia etc in the past. So this attribute is inherent, not derivative. =)

Oh ya, lastly, i wanna tok about true frens. There are 2 types of frens, one type, they listen to you and are there for you when u are down. The other type are the ones that lend you a hand when u are in trouble. Those people that listens and lent me a hand when im down and out, these people are the ones i will remember when things goes nicely for me. As much as i have these frens, i also wanna be such a fren to them as well. I believe in what comes around goes around, so people that are nice to me, i will be nice as well. Those that toks nonsenses and gives me fuck reasons when the going gets tough, be assured you wont even get shit from me.

Atheist

ahem, im back to post. Reasons for the long break is as usual. Lazy, plus its exams study period now, so yeah, was mugging in skool mostly.

Something strange seems to be happening these days, there seems to be a sudden flux of past. I know its kinda hard to understand what im toking about lah, but things and people from the past seems to be coming back to me. I dun kw to be thankful, or curse whoever made all these happen.

Alot of things went thru my head these days. From the start of the study period, i saw. And then it became frequent, and i keep questioning why am i seeing so much. And i tried to smile a couple of times, you know, at least be frens after so many yrs mah rite? Well, fate always seems to thwart the attempts, if you know what i mean.

And todae, when i wasnt tinking anything, it came smack in my face. Was abit un-nerving, having to tok to her after so long. What transversed between us this afternoon, was more then my 4 yrs of knowing her in the past. Her eyes, they haven aged at all, they're still as bright as i've first known her. I've seen her around in school, but didnt realli speak to her, cause some things in the past still clinged on, and well, i didnt realli wanted to dig out what was buried.

I dun kw man, seeing her gave me a sense of familiarity and warmth, yet i was abit wary. Wary of what? i dun kw, juz wary. I mean the bottomline is, she's the first after all, so with her, i feel like im back to secondary skool days, the little boy within me who blushes whenever i see her.

I hate contigencies, especially those 'empire-strikes-back' types. I was troubled the whole evening after that, wondering why would that old-fellow-up-there dig shit out that was buried like almost 10 yrs ago? And before people makes crazy prepositions, im just lamenting, not considering anything yet. Dont ask me about this, anyways i dun tink people wan to know also lah.

And the worse thing is, there are MORE contingencies looming in the midst these days. Why? I dont know, but things suddenly seem to open up and its realli veri deadly. Argh.


Okays, the above aside, some stuffs happened, and people saw. Ya, they saw, not i say one, but they saw. So ya, they tell, i listened, i nodded. Its kinda sad realli, when people have to stoop so low they seem to be squating. Haiz. Is a ego boost realli that important? Ah well, let me get detached and be a floating exchange rate ba, i dun realli wanna care anymore. If abc cant see, then xyz is not worth it anyways.

Buddha teaches peace, externally and internally. Im not a staunt buddhist, infact im a free thinker or atheist or whatever they call it. But i understand and believe in the values that 'thou shall not do unto others what thou doth want others to do unto thee.'. In lay man terms, people should not do to other what they dun want others to do to them.

Ironically, toking bout peace, im kinda stirred inside and outside. hurhur. Internally is due to contingencies, externally is im ballooning up slowly. Sigh. Ah well, after exams plenty of time to shed off the exam-weights, so for now, enjoy the wriggly fats ba.

Im a frank and honest fellow, i like who or dislike who quite obvious one. Nothing much to fear ba. But people do see me on the contrary as a trash-talking, in your face, constantly cursing barbarian. Yeah i tink sometimes i do get over enthusiastic in conversations, but i am me. I dun lie to people. I dun hide true self from people. what you see is what you get. If you think you are pure and true, stare into my eyes. Im a soul-starer, a special breed of men that can see thru your soul. *crap*

Hypocrisy is rampant in modern society and people simply dig it. Hypocrisy is infact the new black, and people who are frank and honest are the current shit pile. hahas, anyways im always full of shit lah, so i dun mind joining shit pile gang. hiak hiak~~

After the above, i would expect more 'house of flying daggers'. Life is indeed a movie like they said. hahaha, dark joke. I might be mistaken lah, must give the benefit of doubt, but its realli like what they say sia. "How dark the human heart!"

Always Be My Baby





We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be apart of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....

You'll always be apart of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

Always be my baby


Yup, this is the david cook rendition of mariah carey's Always Be My Baby. Damn nice sia, i like cook's vocals, those husky husky manly manly kinda vocals. Yeah, tat's y i like artists like Nickelback and Chris Daughtry.

Anyhow, my blog's growing abit rusty from the neglect, so im here todae to spruce it up abit with some updates. First up, todae i juz went to depot road to answer my charge for defaulting from RT. Well, i defaulted in order to do the EG project tat time, so luckily the officer waived off the charge for me. Thanks man, whoever you are.

Things are starting to pile up a few days back, mentally i mean. But well, after todae, it seems alot of stuffs kinda automatically settle themselves, in this case turns out to be a blessing in disguise. Im adopt a non-chalent attitude to those issues deemed important by people, but i guess its time to shed leave that comfort zone.

Very soon, i have to revamp my wardrobe. The normal attire of t-shirt and jeans will have to give way to working shirts and pants. Sigh. Everyone knows how comfy jeans n t-shirts are...
And best yet, all kinds of revolution, no matter cultural or historical or watever fuck-shit-cal, needs money-power. Im kinda lacking in that department currently.

Reconsidering the pilot thingy, i think i shall start work first, before making the switch, cause i need to earn some money to repay the study debt and get my life into shape. Then on, when things are settled, then i will take the plunge and give the skies a try, literally. heh.

Then again, the future is always uncertain, so i cant say for sure im gonna take this route. Im alreadi foreseeing the dilemma that's gonna happen like 3 yrs down the road? Ah well, fuck that for now. We plan first, got any contingency along the way then review ba. =)

Muay thai wise, the IVP will be in December, and its not even confirmed yet, therefore i gave myself reason to slack and laze abit. Lazy lazy me. But i could spar around and gain more experience though, when it comes to preparation, more is better then less. I dun wanna be the one lying face down in the ring now do we? =)

Ain't She Meaningful?

Well a few things here to tok about. First is i tide thru the IME test, i tink lah. Should be able to pass ba. Went to the career fair todae to check things out and maybe find a job there. There's a few insurance companies there, which im quite wary of, since i didnt realli like the prospect of selling insurance.

Alrite, now for some gossip and the aftermath. No, its not bout O. Yeah, been sometime since i used the codename O alreadi. Anyways like i was saying, i was returning home after la-ing kopi with the fellows at the kopitiam.

While i was crossing the road, i saw a couple in their 20s quarreling in the distance, and being the kaypoh me, i tried to listen abit on what the conversation is about. I didnt realli kw the whole story, but i heard the gal say this: "You have never demonstrated to me how much you love me at all."

That guy juz stood there quietly and extremely pissed. To me, the thing she said also sets me tinking, and whatever they said after that i didnt listen alreadi. The thing is she's actually veri rite, usually guys are callous and rarely do they do anything to show their gfs how much they actually meant to them.

And so, i quietly revised something i knew all along. The fact that love is a give and take relationship, its not all take and no give, its also nvr a all give and no take thing. You all get what i mean la hor.

Despite all these years being single, i actually learned alot of stuffs from my attached frends. Things to do, and things not to do. I can make a lists of those 'things', but i will not, cause the main point here is not to demonstrate to anybody whatsoever what i am or who i am. This entry is just a simple reflection of what that gal said.

Having said that, i suddenly remembered this song from when i was young. Its by Backstreet Boys, and i just so happened to stumble upon the MTV. Can you guess what song it is?




And so remember to tell your gal/woman this--> I'll never break your heart.

unusual chatter

alive not dead. this entry is to tell ppl im still alive. sort of anyways. heh.

As usual, the nxt entry will be a little lengthy.

Say, my entries these days are starting to be few and far between, yet its always so damn long man.

Ah well, me n my grandmother stories.

gonna koon, tml do EG. sianz.

made to last, i am. =)

Detached.

Tomolo is MC test. I hecked it. Kinda. Suddenly felt like not studying this afternoon. Sigh. Maybe its the lethargy from yesterday? Might be. Ah well, my lil sista sent me a song by NeYo, like 5 mins ago. Is kinda meaningful, at least some parts of the lyrics.

As per normal, i keep thinking bout things and how they are going. Studies wise, its going waywards, and we're halfway thru the semester. Wow. Money wise, im drained. But i shall say this again, im in love with muay thai. Though im bruised and shagged, im definitely lovin it. heh.

Will post some pictures here when i get my hands on the muay thai pics. So meantime, settle for the lyrics of the song from NeYo that i was toking bout in the previous paragraph.

Mad
Ne Yo

She's starin' at me
I'm sittin' wonderin' what she's thinkin'
Nobody's talkin' 'cause talkin' just turns into screamin'
And now it's I'm yellin' over her, she yellin' over me
All that that means is neither of us is listening

And what's even worse?
That we don't even remember why we're fighting
So both of us are mad for

Nothing, fighting for
Nothin', crying for
Nothing, whoa
But we won't let it go for

Nothing, no not for
Nothing, this should be
Nothing to a love like what we got

Oh baby, I know sometimes it's gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Can't sleep through the pain

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no no no

And it gets me upset
Girl when you're constantly accusing
Askin' questions like you already know
We're fighting this war
Baby when both of us are losing
This ain't the way that love is supposed to go

Whoa, what happened to workin' it out?
We've fall into this place
Where you ain't backin' down and I ain't backin' down
So what the hell do we do now?
It's all for

Nothing, fighting for
Nothing, crying for
Nothing, whoa
But we won't let it go for

Nothing, no not for
Nothing, this should be
Nothing to a love like what we got

Oh baby, I know sometimes it's gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Can't sleep through the pain

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no no no

Oh, baby this love ain't gonna be perfect
Perfect, perfect, oh oh
And just how good it's gonna be
We can fuss and we can fight
Long as everything's all right between us
Before we go to sleep
Baby, we're gonna be happy, oh

Baby, I know sometimes it's gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Can't sleep through the pain

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no no no

So there, another one of the little meaningful songs that meant so much. *it rhymes. heh*

A Rendition of Time

Ah huh, im back to post after a long period of rest/laziness. Dun tink anybody will be missing me though. I will try to keep this entry as short as i can, cause i have tons of things to update and i dun wanna bore you people to tears. So yeah...and im listing stuffs in point form to simplify things. =)

number 1: im being charged by the army for missing 3 sessions of RT. Its my fault tat i miscalculated the dates and so i suck thumb need to go face the music. Ah well, im quite prepared for it, cause if u did something wrong, u face the consequences.

number 2: i have a new passion in life, and that is muay thai. I went to join reilly and jade at our new muay thai club in skool and indeed, im hooked. All along i have a passion for martial arts since im young, just tat im too procrastinatory to realli go join something. Since i have taken the first step, i have set for myself a goal as well, which is to join rei in the upcoming inter-varsity muay thai IVP.

yeah, i kw its kinda far-fetched since i just started like 2 weeks back, but to me, with this goal in mind i will train hard and at the end of the road, even though i might not be able to take part now, i will continue to train hard for some other events. And infact, this time, i have a veri different feeling, simple because im training for a purpose, not aimless training anymore.

number 3: im kinda disappointed in some people, namely a few not-veri-normal frends. Its hard to explain and write bout them here, without being explicit and risk exposing their antics to the whole world, so i shall not write bout things they did, i just wanna tell ppl im disappointed. I mean, why cant ppl be normal like my OG mates or meekia they all? sigh.

number 4: i stand tall and shall remain standing tall, believing in my own morality and sticking by my principles. No amount of brainwashing will make me a bastard, one at a time means one at a time. Do not tell me to multi-invest man, i simply refuse to multi-invest when it comes to affairs of the heart. And dun tell me about ur multi-investing exploits. yes, call me a dumb fuck, but i will stick to what i say. period.

number 5: life is gaining speed, projects are coming up and my engine is starting up slowly. Im picking myself up from the lazy roots entangling me, and start to be more productive in terms of studies. Im still jobless though, and im starting to get concerned, cause im outta chow for my grad trip man! Fug, i HAVE to find a job, i dun wan to starve in the Nam! (Nam = Vietnam)

number 6: My frends are all watching Boys Before Flowers,the korean F4 and im veri tempted to watch it. BUT i have to control myself, cause once i start on a drama, i cannot stop, especially those nice ones. Alot of projects and stuffs, so i simply cannot allow myself to get hooked. Besides, the series haven finish running yet, and i hate waiting for the next episode to air, i rather one shot choing finish the entire drama. heh.

number 7: im still hesitating whether to publish some stuffs anot, i saved it as a draft, but i tink now's not the time to publish it ba. Maybe i will never publish it, even after i graduate. Its a good read though, everytime i read thru the story, i feel a deep deep warmth rising up from the bottom of my heart. So i think most probably i shall keep the story to myself. Better that way lah, dun anyhow anyhow mah. Shall leave it up to fate ba. If its meant to be published, then it will be, if not, then let it be ba. =)

number 8: if u people noticed, i've changed the song in my blog to a classic love song. Yeah, its suited to my blog's color theme, and i recommend reading my blog in the middle of the night. At night read more emo more romantic rite? right. hahah =p.

Okay lah, dun de siao le lah, its just im kinda into Class 95 these days, i kinda imagined myself driving my BMW around town at night, tuned to 95. Yeah, i love the feeling when you let the night breeze weave thru your hair as u listen to a CLS. wow. (CLS = classic love song)

number 9: i was scared stiff by somebody who is over frendly. Yeah, too frendly for my comfort, so natural instinct = siam. Not say i have value or anything lah, just not comfortable.

number 10: Its not realli nice to be mean to somebody, and i do feel kinda bad sometimes. I admit i do join in the gossiping and things, but since the person also nvr do things realli realli bad to me, why should i ostracize tat person? Besides, its kinda like a mirror image of how another person feels about me. irony. hahaha ah well, let me just wake up ba, shall not be so mean to that person le. =)


Aite, that ends my update for this entry. Its kinda lengthy in the end, but i tried my best to shorten it alreadi. Serious! There's lots more i nvr tok about lor, but okay lah, too much information is bad for health. Hehe, so i shall sign off here and go watch HARD TO KILL by Steven Seagal. I have this VCR when i was young, where i will repeatedly watch recorded movies with my brothers and sister in my old house. Haha~~~ chow~~~ =)



Final Note: Actually if you tell yourself you're not affected, then nothing in the world can affect you. Think and act logical, dun get involved with people that wants to affect you.

Interlude

Many wondered, where have i been? How come i've not updated my blog for so damn long? Its simple, i was typing a draft. A extremely long draft that till now i still haven finish typing. This entry is just to notify ppl tat im still alive and kicking.

Life wise everything as per normal. Im learning to cherish my frends more, i was realli happy when ah tan, nich and eugene came to crash IME class on thursday. I haven been so happy for quite awhile alreadi, though we did dumb things like acting like wrestlers outside NP stadium toilet etc...

I guess when people leave you, then u start to realised how they have slowly crept into your heart and ur life. Well, not exactly leave, but u tend to take them for granted when u see them everyday. The irony in life is people dun cherish what they have, until they lose it. When will we ever learn?

And this goes out to not onli the OG guys, but the OG gals as well. I know i dun realli tok to you gals much, but all of u are frends to me, i just tok to the guys more. hahah. =p... anyways i've decided to smile more, and try to be get back to normal. Veri soon the next time i see you peeps will be in formal wear, not in t-shirt jeans/pants anymore. So yeah. =)

And final note: Be happy, always.

Acid

yes im blogging in the wee hours of the morning, ur eyes aint bluffing u. I cant sleep, so i will ramble abit here before i go for a run.

I realli tried my best to bear with it. I realli realli tried. Im sorry if my expression shows it, but i realli tried my very best to bear with it. Its kinda awkward, the kind of feeling. I felt it before in the past, yes, but never so strong. Its like some kind of extremely acidic thingy burning inside your heart from the inside out, at least that's how i read it.

I know there's no need to feel this way, because i am in no position and have no reasons to burn like tat inside. The thing is i cannot control it, like i said, i leashed it, but even so its so hard to control the sourish acidic sensation. I went for a walk to try to walk the feeling off, thought about other dumb stuffs to divert the sensation, but its pointless. In the end im still lan lan, what can i do about it? Answer: Nothing.

Therefore, i apologize if some emotions leaked out, i didnt mean for it to come out that way. Sorry.

Skeptic

I have been tinking alot again these days, too much for my own good. Anyways things are now at a rock bottom, and alot of drastic changes took place.

Change number 1 is the need to find project mates, and im doing each project with a different group. Im quite adaptable if i may say so, but its still abit ... you know...

Change number 2 is a change of lifestyle, no more pool or town or going around with the guys after classes, simply because the guys are gone cept for nich who still crashes some lessons. So after skool i have to find something to do, rather then going home straight everyday. Study in library? Nah, maybe i go town alone to walk around or window shop, my frens aint free always like my lecture mates. haha.

Change number 3 is a change in mentality. Some things need remedying, and so when the time is right, remedy the things, rather then leaving it to rot and decay. I got to agree with people, im not myself, but the fact is i am slowly shifting to a more amiable and humble nature, contrarial to what i was. I had a long catching up session with alina yesterday at the expense of EG lesson (its so damn boring anyways.), and i feel happy for her with her gf. Finally she's comfortable and found somebody to make her happy. =)

Oh ya, im growing close to people that i never expected to grow close to in my uni life. I spoke alot to one of them and actually ate dinner with her below my house. Its funny how things bring people together, and its our problems that made us open up to each other. Before you peeps tink too much, we're just frens and she's attached, i have absolutely no interest in her at all for your info. I dun see myself falling for others in the near future anyways, so there.

Okies, back to topic, as i was saying, alot of things and mentalities shifted in me. For example, i used to shun a guy because i didnt realli approve of his flirtatious ways (lets call him KS), but this semester when i saw him, i felt pity for him. I guess how he conduct himself isnt for me to comment as well, and seeing his plight now, i realli felt sympathy for him. sigh, poor fellow.

And i kw people say bad stuffs about me, bad and mean stuffs. What i wanna say is simple, you cant please the world, so im going to heck those people (yes, i know what those people are FYI.). As a matter of fact, what can you do even if u confront them? Come on, these are things that cant be solved. Thinking back, im quite impervious to bad press, but there's one that struck me where it hurts worst. I shall not say where it hurts most, no, its not the dick.

And i've started toking about deep stuffs to ah wei again, and the things he said, although i dun realli agree and dun make sense at all, is still a relief to me. Im veri vexed these days especially since skool has started, moreover this being the final semester, further pressured me. All these things accumalate up and im feeling the weight of things.

If only there is one person that i can fully bare my soul to. These are the times where u want somebody there for you, so you can whine all you like and know that no matter what she will still be there for you. Im not a problematic emo kid lah, but i guess its normal to feel this way sometimes dont you peeps tink so?

Alrite, so as the story goes, jason's story is now moving onto uncharted territories, so wish me luck. I used to believe in miracles, but since no miracle happened to me, i am now skeptical. Extremely skeptical infact.

Title-less

Just came back from chalet in the noon, and as expected, bathed and instantly lie down flat on my bed. Chalet was fine, and thank god nothing went wrong. Did mostly bowling thruout the whole chalet, but the thought this is the last holidays and semester not just for uni, but for the rest of my life ( cause no more student life mah), makes me carry a tinge of sadness.

Im not emo lah, just abit sentimental. Alot of things happened in these 3 yrs, big and small, good and bad, im just glad i went thru all of them, yes, even the bad ones. In these 3 years, i learnt alot about life and things themselves, im now more 'carved and defined' as a person. I do not want to use the term 'matured', because maturity infact is not a self proclamation. I may be contradicting things mentioned in past entries, but it shows a change of mentality.

And so people of my OG, if you guys and gals around reading this, i wan say thank you to you people for making my uni life so interesting. Though im not realli a good or in anyway nice person, i appreciate you people accepting me for the brunt that i am. Yeah i know we're not like graduating tml, but to me, its seems like it because half the of converted to parttime, so wont be seeing them so often.

Sorting myself up these 3 years, i got a few things realli clear. My career outlook,my passion, my path in life, and most importantly my feelings. And then the age old sentence i always stick by: " Things happen for a reason, and all of the time, the reason always justifies.". I believe i am a true person, and i shall stay true no matter where i ascend to. *touches my heart*

Okays, on a lighter note, ah leong sent me a trance which he says is the top tune for 2008, Lost by sunlounger. I disliked trance in the past, preferring techno to trance, because i tot trance was sickeningly repetitive. Well, nvr would i imagine i would be listening to trance now, smacking myself square back in the face. hahahas. Lost was damn nice lah, it changed my mentality. =)

And now im currently listening to La Guitarra, another song in the top 20 tunes of 2008 list. Extremely nice instrumental tune, i believe its among the best instrumental tunes i've heard so far. Its now the music on my blog, go listen if you're interested, try to appreciate the middle part of the song, where a lone guitar starts strumming, its heavenly. heh.

Alrite, gotta go sleep, tml school starts and i have to wake up fucking early, like 7am? School's a bitch, but i still have to go right? ya. rite. Nitez.

Merry (not) Christmas

This is a christmas entry, and true enough, its not a realli merry christmas after all. There's so many things that i haven realli done or account for, yet the year is alreadi drawing to an end.

Never mind the new yr resolutions, never mind the things, but this year, although things are in the direction that i didnt want to, i have to accept it. I always tell myself, things are clouded or seem to be disastrous, because there's a reason behind them all. In short, everything happens for a reason.

Toking bout christmas, we tok about presents. In life, sometimes u always have desires and wants, but somethings come with a responsibility. The question is again not whether u can get what u want, but whether u can handle the responsibility. Trying to see things from a alternative perspective often shed light onto some grey areas.

To me, when u wan something, u have to be able to take care of it or be responsible for it. And henceforth, the responsibility thingy, im kinda misty in that sense. Can i realli handle it? I do doubt so sometimes, therefore there's this lack of confidence.

I wanna confess that i kinda tried to lied to myself abit sometime back. Yet this confession is best left untold, i dun wan things to spin further beyond control. Im left reeling back from the aftermath and the amplitude of events. Irony is indeed a trueism of life.

Alrite, was having dinner with nich, eugene and jiaying at bugis just now. Chatted bout studies and the coming semester, complained about SIM and RMIT's admin and system. Yes, i whined about the guy's part-time switch again. Sigh, everything about next semester is alone.

Eat lunch alone, go lecture alone, do project alone (almost), go out alone after skool, sit in lecture alone (mostly) etc. I most prob will develop autism. But well, there's no feast that goes on forever, we do have to live alone sometimes, so yeah, its that solo time again. Just suck it up and get it on, i should.

*Oh yeah, before i go, below is the group picture taken of the medic outing that i was toking bout a few entries back. Since blogger cannot tag, i went to tag the ppl myself. hahaha*

Music like i said, is my life and i realli cannot imagine life without music. My earphones recently went renegade on me, so i gonna get a new pair before i can listen to my music on the move. So 3 days of going out without music, and i get to listen to noise. Bus sounds, bangla chats, cheena rantings... kinda drives me crazy.

Anyways im glad i joined singing club in school, i effectively joined a bunch of people who are passionate about music and singing just like me. There are alot of people who can sing well out there, its just that they dun sing and hymn on the move. Music is one of the main criteria in my preference of gals, im also generally attracted to people with musical talents.

Why suddenly write about music? simple, because wendy (from my club) msned us and told us to go play an online game, a game where u can perform and sing and people in the game rate your performance. Its funny realli, the off keys and other funny stuffs... hahahasss, but all in all, its realli entertaining. I heard them say, there's this guy tat sounds super like JJ once.

Fate. Something that we dont have control over, i know, because i tried, and she doenst realli seem to smile down upon me. Time. Something tat is rapidly running out with every passing second, and each second passed, instantly became the past. Money. Resource that keeps life going and makes time meaningful, without it, u simply cannot survive. Life. An existence that compels you to juggle worldly responsibilities and other small stuffs within a short lifespan of 60 to 80 years.

And so i concur, we must learn to accept Fate, balance Time, cumalate Money and enjoy Life. Easier said then done. Accepting fate means adopting a passive approach and not fighting for what you want. Balancing time means dealing with the dilemma of time sacrifice between 2 events. Accumalating money and enjoying life are 2 concepts directly reverse of each other, to enjoy life, u have to spend money. There's no way around it, even if u consider eating ice cream as a form of enjoyment, u have to buy tat ice cream. Please do not tell me things like looking at the sunset is enjoying life, u still need money to take transport there. =)

Rotting at home is a perfect lifestyle for a useless person like me. yeah. Im useless to some extend, and just let me stay like tat for one more semester. A student should rot, and im currently fulfilling my duties. Seeing just how hectic and routine life is my frends that have started working, fills me with gratitude that im still a useless student who's onli concerns is getting a degree and .... okay, nvm the last part. so yeah.

Final piece before i go, go listen to Justin Lo's canto song entitled Yi Ju, meaning One Sentence in english. Veri groovy melody and extremely strong RnB flava~~~ oh yeah~~~ its ta flava babeh~~

Re-enrolment todae was a mess, the admin at SIM simply sucked. And yes, i dislike my course coordinator, she's veri inflexible and i secretly think she have a problem. Aite, shall not complain too much, im supposed to learn how to see things on the brighter side. But still, why did they tell me i can overload 5 modules in my last semester, onli to give me nonsense in the end? What need to apply for simi permission from wat stupid program coordinator and stuffs? Fuck man.

And so todae met the army guys for dinner and booze in the evening. Dinner was at Hip Diner, and the booze at Breks or something like tat. Im not especially fond of alcohol, but its okay with me. heh. Anyways its nice catching up with peter,sean, siong tai and chow wee, i do foresee us doing this all the way till we're 40 plus and married with kids. It kinda makes me glad to see all of them doing fine and getting on with their individual direction in life. =)

On to another issue. Its the bits and pieces that gets to you. They dun realli hurt much individually, but when they come in droves, it starts to hurt. Starts as a trickle initially, and then slowly a river flows forth. And then it precipitates...

Something's wrong with my stomach these days man, its always full of shit. Maybe its the stuffs i ate? There's always this full of shit feel to it man, infact, maybe im just so full of shit literally and metaphorically. yeah, maybe.

Life is like spitting into the air vertically upwards into the air, what goes up, in the end comes down in your face. So when your face gets hit with your own spit, u just have to wipe it off and lament for awhile. And then some chose to continue spitting, while others give up on spitting entirely. Yeah, im randomly rambling on some silly things. argh/

Recruit Foong

Been reading vanness's blog recently, and its kinda interesting reading how he, an ABC adapted to life in the taiwanese entertainment industry. End of the day, celebrities are still humans after all, they have their pains and struggles in life, so much for beautiful faces and adonis bodies.

Its funny, when u always had lots of ideas and stuffs to blog about, but when you're trying to recap what is those stuffs when u've loaded into the blank screen in blogger, you always forget. yeah, tat's what is happening to me. sigh.

Anyways, went to jurong point new extension todae to take a look at the changes. The expansion retained the architectural culture and feel jurong point itself, with pointed barricades and suspension bridges etc. More shops = more shopping choices (yes, i admit i like shopping. and yes, im 100% man), and what came as a surprise is Old Town Coffee had a branch in the new extension. No need to go till ECP to taste the legendary Old Town White Coffee.

Tml morn gotta wake up in around 6am to join "Jeremy's Tekong Farewell Escort Party". The party consists of me, fei zai and ah wei. Finally the old bastard is going to serve the nation alreadi, he's like 23 and i tink its high time he went in. He's the last guy in the gang to 'go touch tree'. Go for it mee kia, go touch some trees dude. =)

Beside him, thomas and yang zi also going in, but different timing. From here, i remembered the day before i went into army. Everything was so vivid and seems like it just happened yesterday man. I remembered taking a cab with my mum to pasir ris mrt, taking a separate chartered bus to tekong jetty. Joining up with mum at tekong jetty and waiting for the ferry that will take me to an island that i will be stuck on for 2 weeks.

On the ferry, some mums cried and most of the guys look realli gloomy. My side of the story is entirely different, i told my mum dun worry, and im just gonna serve the nation for 2 yrs. Its something every guy should and must go through, so no point getting upset over it. Rather face reality and get on with it, what started will definitely end. And so 2 yrs went past and i ORDed, going on the study in SIM.

My endeavours in Tekong is fun and interesting, making some interesting frends in the process. You get glimpses of politics within the company, and i simply cant be bothered about those silly stuffs. What's the point of putting up a show just so to get into the officer course? I believe in leaving things to fate, maybe im abit unconcerned, but the fact is there are greater things for me to worry then some stupid rank system.

Ah well, its time to sleep, i dun wanna look like a zombie tml morning. Shall TRY to take pictures tml at tekong and post it up here IF i have the chance ( and provided they allow us to bring in cameras). Nitez guys and gals. till another time.

Answers

Alrite peter, here i am answering ur question.

Question : How would i define a 'good' person.

Answer: A 'good' person to me, need not be prim and proper in various aspects as required by society, i believe what constitutes a person is infact his or her inner self. Inner self meaning the deeper entity that u answer to everyday, or in short, ur conscience.

Your conscience dictates decisions u make with regards to people to people relationships. A basic set of ethics and moral values govern our daily regime (sounds like OB sia... hahah) , and what is right and what is wrong. Alrite, abit like beating round the bush, lets save the formalities and go str8 to the point.

To me, a people are generic in nature, meaning i dun judge a person by his education level or any other societal basis. I once said before, i have frends that are labelled 'bad' company because they nvr study or are involved in gangland activities, yet those are the frends that are the most forthright with issues. Any displeasure they sound out, and once settled its settled.

On the contrary, educated folks tend to keep things to themselves, any displeasure they 'store' and release in 'packages behind your back'. Yes i am educated to a certain extend myself, and yes i do talk bad about people with mutual frends. But i do not backstab people and try to contort things to a form so as to make people think less of them.

So, back to the topic, to me a 'good' person is somebody that do not betray his or her frends, live life with a not-so-tainted conscience (its kinda impossible to live with a pure conscience these days, you most prob did something bad before), straight forward without being tactless and finally fulfill the moral values required like filial piety, loyalty and faithfullness etc.

The above values are not exclusive, there are other contributing factors as well that i cant seem to think of at the moment. So yeah.

And whether im a good person anot is not up to me to judge, but up to people around me. If u ask me from a 3rd person's view, i tink im not a good person, simply because i know all my dark secrets and evil thoughts. But i do agree that my conscience although not perfect, isnt that dark after all. I do complain here and there about people, but i also tell the person i complain in the face about what i dun like about him. Like ah wei, sometimes i tell him in a tactful way about what i tink is wrong. Its onli fair that u let tat person know what is wrong, rather then expecting him to find out for himself. If he knows what's wrong, he wouldnt be wrong in the first place.

There are an area that im veri proud of about myself, and people that realli knows me definitely knows what is it, so i dun wanna declare to people, arbo people will say i self praise. hahahss. Okays, peter, hope it answers ur questions, i wasnt in the best of mood these days, so i overlooked the promise. hahass, told you im not a 'good' person alreadi. I guess that might be why singlehood has chosen me for so long and refuse to let me go. =)

Sometimes u dig a hole so deep that u find it hard to climb out after sometime. So since there's no way back, might as well dig deeper.

Was catching up with zhengyi ytd over nai-cha (milk tea) at a HK cafe. As usual nice tea, expensive charges. $3.50 for a cuppa, sigh. Anyways, toking to zhengyi made me realized an aspect of him i didnt realli notice after all these years as frends. When we were recapping what happened in our lives these days, we toked about those sec skool hatreds, you know, people like dominic etc.

And i asked him why he didnt realli disliked anybody back then till now. He told me a sentence which i tink was veri matured and true. "Why look at somebody's bad points when u can simply look at the good points and feel better? Everybody has bad points, no one is perfect, if u realli cant get along with somebody, just be acquaintence lor, dun need to hate him one lah."

I was taken aback by his words, because they spoke lots of truth in them. Prejudices arises from your own perspective, adjust your perspective, people might not seem so bad after all. Dominic is noisy and fucked up, but his good point is if he dun like you, he wont hide stuffs and backstab you behind your back. Zhengyi told me all these, and i start to see this other side of him.

You know, close frends are close frends for a reason, it isnt simply fate that allow people to be close frends, takes alot of chemistry and understanding to be close frends. Just a passing thought, nothing in particular.

All the above have no relations to whatever happened in my screwed up life these few months. Dun tink too much, there's no more joke to be shared, no more stuffs to ridicule.

Before signing off, i wanna extend my condolences to the family of the killed hostage. Its kinda unexpected that somebody would pass on under such extreme circumstances. Terrorism is a contagion that is constantly spreading, and terrorists onli know how to terrorize innocent victims. They dare not bring the fight to the main targets, so they strike at the weak and defenseless people. In fact, we're too nice to captured terrorists, they should not be offered 'human rights' because they aint human at all. I dun care for what fuck they are fighting for, but to implicate innocent people just shows what kind of dogs they are.

End Roll

Been slacking, so nvr blog much, anyways not much to blog about mah. so ya.

When a house is dirty no matter how u try to clean it, that means there are rats around. Despicable rats that go around spreading dirt. No, my house and my room is clean and there are no rats. Go figure.

I finally got the answer i have pondered for so long, and so shall be working on what i should be working on. Training is back on schedule, and lets hope this time the effort will bring more results. I know im a joke, and i always will be laughed upon. But laughing upon someone's efforts? There is no link in part 1 and part 2 of this paragraph. Sorry, thoughts abit messed up todae.

Next semester is the last semester, i do foresee it being another routine semester. There's some problems that surfaced, like who to do projects with since people are converting to part-time, but i guess things will sort themselves out in the end. I dun hate anybody now anymore, not even Ben, not even Dominic, yes, u heard it, not even Dominic. I dun dislike chocolate people anymore, i simply dun wan to hate or dislike whoever, even rats. Its too tiring. Im exhausted.

Master plan for the future: get degree, get job, save capital, start business, X, establish Lam Enterprises, settle down, expand asset range, hand over, retire to Switzerland with wife. Simple and brief, but far-fetched and hard to attain. I shall try my best to follow the above draft map, there's bound to be failures along the way, just need to pick myself up and try again until im successful. Tenacity.

Im waiting for that day, so meantime i just do my part, one day things will clear up. Another issue is my best buddy. I tink i should forget all the past unhappiness and let things fade off ba, im fucked up too, dun forget. Yes, i am fucked up and i do and say the wrong things to people. No i dun intend to mince my words, yes i am fuck fuck fucked up. Admitting u're fucked up is the first step to analyse urself. =)

Okays, nough bout me, todae ah wei texted me in the morning, telling me our dear god sister is pregnant. I was like "wtf?", she's like 19 this year and she's pregnant. Never expected her to be pregnant cause though she's noisy, she's not the mother type. And yes, she's a single mum, the guy ran off. Its bastards like these that makes people's blood boil. U have the guts to do something, u have the guts to take responsibility.

Anyways she's still working with a huge stomach, and i respect that alot. Its not easy being a single mum, much less when she have to support herself and her kid. Yes she have parents, but they also can't help much, its her kid after all. I just told ah wei i will go visit her next week cause this week im working at SITEX. Thinking what she's going thru, reminds me of another gal that i kw who i respect alot. I mentioned her in a previous post, and i realli admire people who have the strength to stand up against all odds.

I guess ah wei and me will apply to be the kid's godfather ba, cfm is a cute fellow cause my god-sis also damn cute looking one. There are greater things then my silly little world, perhaps seeing things in a larger aspect will benefit me more. Lets just discard all the useless memories and misplaced trusts.

Final note: Long entry i know, but lets shed some degree of grey on my blog for now. Sometimes blogging doenst realli serves a purpose, except maybe to pacify the soul of the blogger.