Love Counselor...NOT!

How serious can u be when i comes to love? Have you ever asked urself this question? And if u say veri serious and sincere, on what basis? Ur own judgement? Everybody envelopes him or herself in this premonition that they are very serious, mostly verbally. But what matters and what other people see is your actions and the things u do. U can say u feel how and how and bla bla bla, but end of the day, no action.

I do understand that people do stuffs that they dun tell the person they like, and it results in a dilemma. If that person know, its like u're doing stuffs with a motive. On the contrary, if that person dun kw, its kinda meaningless rite? Although he/she might be happy that u did that, you DO want him/her to know. Dun tell me stuffs about being noble, you are not noble, u are dumb.

Worse thing that could happen is when that person got together with some fucktart and THEN he/she find out watever you did for her. And that's where a sad story realli starts. That person wanna be with you, but is locked down morally. And then u also due to moral reasons diam diam watch that fucktart destroys her life. Wow, where's the nobility in that?

I believe every single gal deserves and wants to be loved, its just by who. Which gal doesnt want a strong shoulder to lie on, a person to whine to, someone to share memories with? Its just who is the guy that they want to share their lives with. Needless to say, guys go after gals most of the time, and at any single time, there could be a few guys wooing a gal at one gal. You could say they're spoilt for choice.

And so, to choose which one? The best one. Which is the best one? Depends on the gal's criteria. Sometimes, they would rather not choose anyone and continue waiting for the white-horse-prince.

Believe me when i say, if u truly and sincerely like someone, ur actions will show and ur heart will know. Pluck up ur courage and give it a try, no matter the outcome, its a good experience. And bear in mind the fact that if she accepts u, u will treat her nice and wholeheartedly, therefore she shall find happiness with you. Never belittle your ability to give her happiness. :)

Okays, fuck man, im beginning to sound like some romance counselor though im single all my life. Hahahass, ah well, juz some pieces of how my heart functions, though abit selfish. 我想就这样牵着你的手不放开~~~

Back to life. Im still looking for a job, spiritually. hahhass. Im currently focusing on my training and diet, seeing results alreadi, but maybe its not that obvious ba. Im still surprised that i actually persevered all the way, i always tend to give up halfway. Hmms, infact, im going to extend the 14 days low carb to 30 days man. Its not that bad after the 1st week, i still have my cheat days once every week, so cravings are fine.

Todae, something funny happened, i was at bugis starbucks meeting this prudential agent called priscilla, which i find oddly familiar. After toking for awhile, i still haven recalled where have i seen her before. Then on my way home in the mrt, i remembered. She is ah sa's fren lah, pris. I sat in her car before that time when we went to marina south. Small world rite? rite.

And to illustrate why we need to cherish what we have now, is a song that tells about a regret that plagues a guy for the rest of his life. Aiyah, i dun know how to phrase it accurately lah, but if u understand me, u understand, dun understand, no point i try to make u understand also lah. hurhurs. So here we go :

保护

歌手：许志安

你把门轻轻关上离开他的谎话
失望比悲伤强烈疲倦的泪留下
你心里有幅相框爱应该像个天堂
结果爱原来更像无止尽的流浪
你忽然停止说话靠在我肩膀上
一瞬间心在摇晃有抱你的渴望
翻往日美好时光让我们乱了方向
我想起无辜的她正在等我回家
很抱歉不能陪你到天亮
很抱歉不能像从前一样
空荡的夜风变凉把我的外套披上
答应我好好的让我送你回家
很抱歉不能抱紧你不放
很抱歉只能藉给你肩膀
无助时逃进过往是最危险的地方
我只能这样保护你请你原谅

我们站在月光下影子拖的好长
像怀念无法隐藏被摊在大街上
你的泪无声落下打湿了我的胸膛
现在的情不自禁会是以后的伤

Jason's : Im more certain i made the right choice after reading the past blog entries. :)

Magic 80

Ti da ti da ti da, the clock goes, and my heart goes pok pom pok pom. Slack daily at home, with nothing much to do except watching dramas whole day long. An enviable lifestyle? I exercise , eat healthily while watching various dramas on my computer, sleeping when i feel like it, stoning whenever i like. Freedom. hurhurs.

I wanted to find a job, and mee kia had some OCBC lobang. Heard from him its about doing some events stuffs, cause i told him explicitly i had enough of credit card selling and picking up phone calls from screaming customers. I wanna do something more physical, moreover working for OCBC i can kw some managers so that when i graduate, i have connections in OCBC. heh.

Matured? im not realli sure, but i do know everyday u learn something, no matter how trivia. Im veri explosive these days, temper aint veri good and i have a veri low tolerance for stupid and dumb people. Something is acting up and im going abit bonkers. I scold people that do dumb things in game, everything i see just kinda piss me off sometimes, i dun know why. ( Actually i do know why im so moody, im missing ... )

And therefore i scolded fei zai yesterday, and fei zai's fren just now. sigh, and tinking back, why was i so agitated man, where's the composure that i used to have? I used to laugh things off and just smile though im kinda piss with some people doing dumb stuffs in game, but these days, the darker side is showing up. I gonna reassess myself again man. not right lah the attitude.

All in all, i guess im juz a little kid deep inside, with the rare temper flares and mood swings. Im nice and dandy most of the time, but everybody has some kinda down period. Im just a normal guy after all. Even buddha got fire rite? rite. :)

Where is everybody when u need somebody to tok to man. I got truckloads to unload man, who is willing to listen to what i have to say? Lunch or dinner people, anytime.

Jason's : Im kinda surprised, i do hope its realli her.

.中.华.英.雄.

"Baby, if u managed to survive, then please remember, mummy loves you." This is the last msg a mother keyed into her handphone before using her body to protect her baby from the falling building before she died. The China Sze Chuan Earthquakes are devastating lives and tons of sad stories are flowing out from the afflicted areas. Sometimes i wonder, who suffers more? the dead or the living?

Ah, enough emo stuffs, i know im a grown man but such stuffs still make me sad. The greatest love in the world is the love a mother have for her child. Remember that.

Todae marks the 7th day of the 14 day low carb plan, and i happily say it works. Dropped 2 kgs alreadi in this first week, not very obvious in the mirror though, but still, 2 in a week is good. In fact im considering extending the low carb plan all the way till the start of skool man, its not too bad, though u do get sick of tuna and salads lah. I gotta fit into the Bruce Lee shirt no matter what.

Jason's : Its predetermined im a Tiong Kok Hero, solitude for life. :)

Chosen Path

I dun kw whether i've changed anot, its just 5 days. But my discipline is phenomenal. Im loving my new life now. New eating habits, new outlook and stuffs. Im never a hunk, but i can at least do my best to get into shape. Taking it slow and steady now, the day will come.

Lyrics of a song from the popular drama huang jing lu, its realli quite meaningful, to me at least.

路

我们都该 回头看看 来时路
就算起风 偶尔有雾 模糊不了幸福
我们都该 在心里数数 感动的次数
谁陪你疯 谁陪你笑 拍拍肩一起追逐

多少爱错过了才看清楚
多少事无法弥扑才认输
多少次以为找到了幸福
却发现一开始就是个错误

每一段路都是一段领悟
珍珠再夺目 留不住心头热呼呼
真心的鼓舞 能温暖一生的旅途
每一段路 难免荆棘密布
把坚持牢牢握住 不怕艰难险阻
学会去爱 就不会迷路

I always said this before, simplicity is a felicity of life. What's the best thing about me? Go mull over it. :)

^China's earthquake disaster reminded me how insignificant my daily pursuits are, people are struggling to survive and im still living in my fancy romantic world. duh.^

Jason's : Tomolo is cheat day! yeah!

Closing Time

The clockworks of Fate are moving once again. I feel the downward spiral now, but its a good time realli, cause negative stuffs kinda spurs u on to do things u normally wont do. And that gives u a perseverance and determination like no other.

I think things are getting simpler and simpler. People keeps things from me, and yeah, i do understand why. Some laugh, some ridicule and most dissuade. They just wanna hear one sentence from me, a veri simple sentence consisting of 3 words.

Sad to say, people look down on me, and its understandable, cause i've been a NATO all these while. Even after these times, im starting to doubt myself. But nonetheless, i've gathered myself again, now focusing on myself. Who are the true frens? You never know how dark a person's heart can be. You never know...

Alrite, that shall be the last entry for the that event ba. Shall focus on building myself now. Where are those frens that will stand by you no matter what? Those frens that believe in traditional loyalty? Those that will tide through hardships with you? Those that will lend their hands to you no matter how tough the going gets? Those frens that will be steady with you all the way, never betraying you and keeping stuffs from you? They never existed.

Ah well, u cant depend on people, the only one u can depend on, is urself. So ya, im on the 4th day of the low carb, its working, i feel something burning within me, so im kinda warm like a furnace. Hurhurs. Tomolo will start phrase 2 alreadi. Im happy because im veri determined now.

Im sick of chicken now, i shall stick to tuna. Chicken is veri mafan to prepare lah, and i fucking hell bought 1KG worth of fillets from NTUC, then within 3 days must finish it. So i kinda eat chicken for the whole day todae. Fucking sick of it can? Definitely no more chicken, for a week at least. Im sticking to tuna. Tuna tastes DAMN nice with lettuce and tomatoes. hurhur.

Im so glad that i knew muscle-man kert man, he gave me ideas on stuffs and is also a martial arts fan. heh. This holidays, might be the turning point of my life. Notice the MIGHT be, cause like i said, im still doubting myself. If my plan is successful, then maybe i will go join kert's MMA dojo. :)

Ah wei's business is starting up soon, after nearly 1 yr of planning and getting ready, its rolling out in mid june, or so he says. I hope it doesnt gets procrastinated any longer, its been so damn long that we lost the market initiative alreadi. Sigh. But since he insists his plan is much better then the competitors' , i chose to belief in his ideals. :) If this works, ah wei will be swimming in money. hahass. :)

There's a new singer on the horizon, his name is Wu Jia Hui. His song 虽然我愿意, is damn nice. He wrote the song himself i tink, another talented fellow in the musical field. Makes me wonder how come i can never write songs as nice as those written by them. Izzit lack of romantic experience, or izzit lack of creativity? I tink its both.

Im not a very superstitious person, but i tink the prophecy on my japan trip is coming true. Im still keeping my fingers crossed lah, but yeah, i do hope things go smoothly this year. And to those people that wanna watch show, u most prob wont have a show to watch.

P.S. : Who is the 'alert' that tagged on my blog ah? Its not sebastian, who are u?

Jason's : Naive no more.

Going on Strong

Started yesterday, didnt do anything heavy, still abit lethargic from the exam period. Perfect weather for a swim, might go for a swim later. MIGHT. :)

Im feeling abit weak and hot, dun kw why, but i tink should be okay with time ba. Need to adjust myself to the new lifestyle and diet. Im starting to miss rice and noodles alreadi. Sigh. Well, all this is for a better tml aint it? :)

Genting trip was quite enjoyable, though we kinda sleep less then 8 hrs in Genting itself, most of the time we're at the casino gambling. yep, u heard rite, we became gambling addicts. hahass. Initially won quite a sum, but then i felt invincible and almost showhanded everything on one bet. Then lose. So im back to square 1. hahass. But its all for fun lah, so whether win or lose also like tat.

Genting is a good place to kinda think about things, u're far from everyone cept for the guys, and u do think bout things on the bus trip to and fro. The cold weather there suits me just fine, cause i sweat alot in hot places, so cold places is perfect for me. heh.

There were some not so good times though, but nonetheless, its quite a enjoyable trip for me. The bus ride back wasnt so pleasant for rei though, poor fellow had to sit at the front of the bus with no comfort seat. He's damn pissed about it, if its me, i would too. Imagine sitting 5 hrs on some uncomfortable hard surface.

Okies. enough bout Genting, gambling is realli bad, i've seen too many examples at genting alreadi. hurhur. Oh boy, can i last 14 days, i realli wonder. But like i said, if i dun carry on with this, i will commit suicide. So yeah, i guess death is scarier then giving up. :P

Frends. They come in all shapes and sizes, they come in all kinds of peculiar personalities. U accept everything, their good and their shit, that's y u be frends with them. When i say we're frends, i perceive a bond between us, and im known to be loyal if u're nice to me. I believe in the loyalty personified by Guan Yu, so in chinese, i value Yi Qi alot. But im not blind and dumb, i will onli be steady if the other party is steady. I will not be made used of. I can perform something for u, take me for granted, u take care ba.

Okies, time to sleep. so yeah. nites. and im abit upset. about msn that is. sigh.

Jason's : Life, oh life.

No Zouk

Some people like to make their problem, my problem. If u are unhappy or in a bad mood, dun fucking vent ur anger on ur frens and leave in the middle of a game. There is onli 2 persons who i allow them to vent their anger on me. My mum and her. The rest can fuck off and die for all i care.

Didnt join the guys at Zouk, because firstly, im kinda broke, and the money i wanna save and go spend in Genting tomolo. Secondly, i went to a counselling session just nw, and what they say made me retink lots of stuffs. They meant well for me, im not stubborn, im just.... i dun kw how to explain lah, there is something urging me to hang on. Try to understand me guys, i realli realli need to see this thru. No matter the outcome.

Todae had a glimpse of what is low carb diet, its actually quite nice. I have planned my daily meals for the next 2 weeks, based on my own preferences and i shall convert to 6 small meals per day system. Starting next monday, i shall embark on this low carb thingy and train diligently. :)

How to motivate myself? Simple. I tink men's health model and passing my ippt and the fat stigma. not forgetting.... lolx... anyways, i want 6 pec by december, and i wanna tone up this 2 mths. Easy to say lah, im also sick of being a NATO (No Action Tok Only), so just do it lor, no need tink too much.

K, short entry, enough, im picking up the pieces of my sanity currently. Im starting to go weird, maybe its the influence ba. Weird.

Jason's : Im blind, not deaf.

Uhuh, What's next?

If onli u realised the courage required. This entry, will be abit darker in nature. I dun know who reads this thing here, but for those of you who is reading this story right from the start, u do understand how much the story means to me this time.

Been toking to people, and im once again reminded of somethings. Shouldnt be that way, but yeah, its that way. I dun usually tok to people on msn, but i recently find gaming to be quite boring, therefore i tok to those acquaintances more to find out more about them. There's alot happening behind the curtains like i said, and u can feel these dark undercurrents flowing. But then again, there are some information that u are dying to know initially, then after knowing, u wished u dun kw. Sigh. Irony.

Last paper ended todae. Happy happy happy. Went out to eat dinner after exams. After that went home. See, feel and then know. Its nearli 6am in the morning and im still bloggin here. Self-explainatory. Enough.

From tomolo onwards, time to pick up the pieces of what's left of my fitness and go about my routine. Not gonna whine bout how much lard i have on me, on the contrary, this time, not gonna say much. Next week is the start of low carb fortnight. I will commit suicide if i eat carbs during that 2 weeks. I will fucking kill myself rite there on the spot. Fuck the fats, like what someone says, its a social stigma.

The heart once again opens wider, and im now able to swallow more shyt. I kinda adviced lots of people on msn just now. A dude asked me about his aimlessness in life. Adviced him and discovered im very strong psychologically. A dude asked me about his gal problems. Adviced him and discovered im very creative. Got fucked upside down by a dude, hung on and brushed off his advice to give up. Ya i know, happening rite my msn? rite.

The world makes me so despondent sometimes man, its stifling just trying to cope with my life and i still have to share some of my optimism with people. Walk the path and though u might not arrive at the destination, u walked. Veri random stuffs i know, there's meaning in them, u just need to decipher randomly. Got it? No? Nvm.

"Dun tok to me until u are awake", i was told. Im not asleep in the first place. Im not blinded mind you. The strength to believe and persevere isnt easy to come by. Its not my ego damn you, im not you, its just the belief in....

Jason's : A immortal god can be slain by a formless sword called love.

Ah Lam

Todae was OT paper, i smoke till i dun even kw what im writing, i was kinda tinking my answer was not relevant to the question. But i applied all the theories involved, so i wasnt sure whether its correct or not. Watever lah, since its over, fuck it. I like the notion that once something is over, dun brood over it, screw and heck it lah, over means over, no point hogging on it rite?

I can understand if people tell me that its impossible and very hard etc... But i got kinda pissed when somebody told me that he pity me. Was chatting as usual on msn, and it came to that topic, and its understandable that he dislikes that person. But dun freaking tell me that u pity me, its not a sin to like someone, and in the end, she's still a normal gal after all. Dun make it sound as if she's some kinda monster and im super dumb to fall for her. Whether or not it works out, i dun need your stupid sympathy and watever i do, i do it without regrets. If you're reading this, im not trying to diss you here, but please keep your ego in check.

Okies, toking about msn, i've been toking more to "muscle-man" nicholas these days, and it seems there's alot of undercurrents within our lecture hall. He told me stuffs that i dun wanna put down here, because its kinda weird lah, announcing other's people's business here. Anyways, i've seeked his advice on how to lose weight faster, and he's technique abit crazy leh -.-"" No wonder he's biceps are so big. hahass.

And still on the topic on msn, for the past 2 days, i was chatting with somebody till 6am in the morning. Its interesting how people from different backgrounds click sometimes, and people are usually more then they look. All along i tot she's just another one of those pretty and veri popular gals, but though popular, she's still humble and very approachable. Very lame, craps alot too. hurhurs. But too bad, im alreadi interested in someone else le. And she's not chinese, so its a total no no.

This semester will be officially over after next tuesday's PM exams, and then i shall worry about finding a job again. sigh. And worse yet, i need to worry about where to get money for my next semester's fees. Bank Loan? Only way out, though i hate the notion of being indebted before i even started working.

Sean bro is having some r/s issues it seems, adviced him abit. I feel that since he feels for her and she is veri into him, they should give it a try. i like to call it "taking the plunge", because u need to at least try to see where the road leads. Taking any road, is better then staying put. People might not agree with me, some say they're afraid of getting hurt and stuffs like that, but then again, how did u learn to walk? U definitely fell down before being able to walk when u were young, so where is that courage? The courage that you possess since you were a kid?

To me, life is veri simple, its about giving things a chance. I've had frends that tried, and they found the love of their life. There are those that failed as well, but no matter, they learned from the experience and became a better lover to the next fated one. People learn from mistakes more then they learn from books. In fact, we human beings learn everything from mistakes. Making mistakes is never the issue, its the courage to admit u made a mistake and learn from it that's the point.

I've never been in a relationship before, but i do know the pain of losing somebody, the heart-wrenching feeling that u have to let go of someone u sincerely love. Rather then immersing yourself in sadness and locking urself up emotionally, why not be happy for the times that u have at least spent with them? Like a saying that i saw on a t-shirt, "Do not cry because its over, smile because it happened.".

Though i seem nonchalant and happy-go-lucky each and everyday, alot goes thru my mind. I like to observe things and reactions, trying to understand things. To me, happiness is innate, meaning you have to find it within you. This may sounds dumb, but you're happy because u feel like being happy. Get it? If not, never mind, im kinda lazy to explain it, go give it some thought.

Okay lah, enough alreadi, todae was abit long winded, so concluding this entry hor, sean bro, i do hope your choice will be a positive one. And i do hope your blessing for me works this time around. heh. Wish me luck, i most prob need lots of it. ^_-


(P.S.) I said i will paste a song lyric here tis entry, so here it is:

想太多 - 李玖哲

你笑着说
他是朋友
但你眼中太温柔
我的不安
那么沉重
只有你不懂
他霸占了你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说
我们不是你和我
是我想太多
你总这样说但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

Jason's : This is a veri meaningful entry to me. Todae was a important day.

Heroic Demon or Demonic Hero?

Tonite is those nite again. Listening to emo songs, getting emo about life again. hurhur. My emo is not that kinda kiddish emo, i would choose to believe it is enveloped in a romantic atmosphere draped and decorated with elegance. The background music will most prob be soothing RnB, and the temperature around 25-26 degrees. Perfecto.

Might sounds dreadful and unappealing to some people, but to me, this kind of nite is just like a mtv. Wait till i show you how comfortable this state is, my world and my unique brand of hybrid culture. Take the plunge, believe me, the side of me, that nobody ever saw. =)

Okies, now now now, i should at least blog something related to my entry title rite? I've been labelling my entries with nonsense for so long, its time to write something related. Demon and Hero, they meant opposites of each other, yet there's just a fine line defining both of them.

A hero, one who helps and saves people. A demon, one who harms and kills people. Yet the line is blurred, there is no absolute hero, and no absolute demon. Humans are born to be perceptive creatures, and like in my earlier entry, our perception is shaped by the environment and culture that we were brought up in.

Morality is the issue to consider during judgment. If a man does something against the moral standards set by society, he is a demon. Yet society is not always rite, they simply insists they are rite. Nobody ever gave society the power to judge between right and wrong, not even god can judge what is right and what is wrong.

Right and wrong are never absolute, they're simply vague phrases. The leverage between these 2 phrases is moral and ethics. And yet again, moral and ethics are denoted by man himself. A hero is a demon most of the times, because since the world is never fair, when he saves somebody, he will hurt somebody.

A man that kills an enemy leader is deemed a hero and is held in high esteem by his fellow countrymen, yet to the enemy citizens, he is a demon who killed their hero. Its like Rambo is a hero to the americans, but he is a demon to the vietnamese. And taking sides with morality, the americans were the aggressor during the vietnam war.

Imagine, u fight well, u fight to protect your loved ones. You are a hero to your loved ones, but to the families of those people that u sent to the hospital, you are a demon. They would love to see u get killed. The bottom line is, everyone have a mother, as far as possible, dun try to do something that will break their mothers' hearts.

Fight only when necessary, as far as possible, diplomacy and endurance is the best. And i do understand the existence of the egoistic few that thinks they are the best, but my word of advice as a man who went thru all that = The higher you place yourself, the greater the fall from grace. If you think veri highly of yourself, think again. Being confident is good, but not to the point of arrogance.

Okays, time to sleep, nxt entry i will put in the lyrics of a new song ( i tink its new lah, i didnt hear it before until yesterday. lolx). Ciaoz!

Jason's : I currently not interested in other gals. Sorry.

SCB

The warmth of the morning sun. The smell of the falling dews. The thumb of a yearning heart. Mellowed.

Yesterday nite i had a veri veri strange dream, it involves SWAT teams, KFC 2 piece meal and her. I know, no link at all, but its a dream mah, and i rarely dream. Ah well, crazy me and crazy dreams. Its so strange im not supposed to write it down here. Makes for a good topic to tok rot and laugh at me though. lolx.

Todae i finally packed my room, and i cleared out the bench that was gathering lots of clothes. So now everything is in lined for me to pick up my gloves again. Hurhur, i do hope i will be successful this time, means alot to me you know?

For those ppl that studies engineering, you most prob will be familiar with the Fleming's Left-Hand Rule. Its a Rule that denotes the direction of electro-magnetism ( if i nvr remember wrongly). And then now i come up with the Jason's Left-Hand Rule. Hurhurs, wana know the theory behind this, ask me! :)

Im going to study later at around 2am, i need to get started, because i;ve slacked for 2 days alreadi and my OT exams is on saturday. No sense of urgency at all. Kaoz. Im too complacent man.

Been watching lots of yakuza stuffs these days, and its having a bad influence on me. hahaha. Tomolo is the start of Project One Pound, wish me luck! And before i forget, yesterday i came across this pdf file that explains how to win at roulette. Yes, u heard rite, winning at a casino roulette. I tried it, and indeed it works. Its all pure maths realli, no gimmicks and no cheating. But its just for entertainment, im not going to be a gambling addict.

Alrite, my frend is now into fierce gals like me. Hahahass, he watched PUZZLE, a japanese drama with a female main character that is fiesty and sassy. Fierce gals are hard to find these days, much less a pretty and fierce one. I know, people might say its mad and crazy, but im not realli that normal to begin with. :)

Jason's: Study Study Study. I wonder why is mugging called mugging? hmms.

Siphoned

Good day todae. Lots of stuffs to be happy about. Investment paper is over, played mahjong todae (though i lost) and ya, im happy lah. :)

Simple things in life can make u happy, simple people in life can make u happy as well. I will work hard to lose weight during the holidays. I kw, i say this thousands of times, but its for a different purpose this time.

Okies, and now to tell you people a fact. I prefer chinese gals. Yes, authentic bilingual speaking chinese singaporeans. Not those cheena ones. I know there are lots of wonderful malay gals out there with the package, but im not realli interested. I love pork. Period.

Todae i finally went into exams mood le, i know it sounds silly, but todae i finally feel like im having exams. By a stroke of luck, todae's paper wasnt that difficult, at least can get a pass i presume.

I know my singing is not wonderful, and there is alot of room for improvement. Im never big-headed and think that im some kinda singing prodigy. Im juz a guy who likes to sing, and whose sole wish is to sing for my gal, not to get my minute worth of fame. Music is what i call the language of the soul. They say its the universal language, i say its the language of the human soul.

Toking about songs, im listening to some retro Jeff Chang's songs rite nw, and there's this song that i wanna share with u people, its called Nan Yi Kang Ju Ni Rong Yan, literally meaning " Hard to resist your face". I know it sounds stupid in english, but in chinese its quite meaningful. lolx. Anyways, here's the lyrics!

难以抗拒你容颜

你仿佛从没见过我只是让我梦成空
伤心不语退缩
幻想也许是你假装不看我
让我得不到更珍惜所有
我试着对你微微笑你总视而不见
何必何必何必
却又难以抗拒难以放弃
就算你对我说别再烦我

你难以靠近难以不再想念
我难以抗拒你容颜
把心画在写给你的信中
希望偶而能够见到你微笑的容颜
你难以靠近难以不再想念
我难以抗拒你容颜
把心画在写给你的信中
希望明天能够见到你会心的容颜

Alrite, shall end here tonite. Damn freaking tired after todae's paper and losing $19 bucks in mahjong. I almost ALWAYS lose when im playing mahjong in my house, i dun fucking kw why. F. I always lose when i wanna win, and i win when for that one time i wanna lose. Ironic isnt it.

Jason's : How strong is your faith, how firm is your love?

The Northern Route

My cough has been ongoing for a few days alreadi, its damn irritating man, i cant even go running or swimming, keep coughing like a dog. Fuck. I hate the unhealthy feeling, when u kw its been a few days since u last exercised. ARgh, hopefully tml can get better, then i go gym. :)

I have some very diverse frends, like i said in some veri old entry. And some of them, makes u so amused and astonished. hahahass. Legendary frends. lolx.

Is ego so important? I guess so, because i know alot of egoistic people, especially guys. Their ego is so big that its frightening. They cannot lose at all, no matter how small the issue. Gosh. And they insist that they are always rite, and never wrong. It takes alot of courage to saw you are always rite, rite?

Anyways i had a ego and is damn haolian when i was younger, but i slowly toned down alreadi, if u knew me in the past, compared to me now, u will realised what i meant. I used to shout across the lanshop to greet their parents and ancestors when i was younger and gaming in lan shops. Kinda childish then, but i grew up, and realized its not rite to implicate people's ancestors. :P

Some people have a side that isnt always shown to others. A cute and adorable side. Im definitely in fully, heart and soul. Believe me when i say i will always be there for you when u need me.

Jason's : Swimming in financial numbers and figures...

Desirable

What kind of guy am i. Besides being fat and all that lah. Im actually call myself a hybrid when it comes to mental culture, why? Because contrary to popular believe, im actually quite good at chinese and oriental culture, especially the history of Romance of Three kingdoms period. Living in a english educated country, i naturally developed a good sense for the language as well, and though im not veri proficient in ang moh, i at least can understand chim stuffs lah. :)

And they say cultural and artsy people are weak in sciences. Wrong. My sciences were quite good infact, and the during secondary school, i actually wanted to be a quantum physicist. Yes, u heard rite, a quantum physicist. Im more the intellectual type during my younger days, and sad to say, i gave up my passion for money. I would rather work in the economic sector and earn big bucks, then be a physicist that is onli famous when u die. My wife and parents and kids cant possibly live on uranium particles and space rocks rite? Right.

All the drastic changes in routes i took made me into somebody that have interests in almost all aspects of humanity. I can appreciate art and music (even abstract art and classical music), understand rocket science, stock markets, psychology etc. But there is one area i kinda lack development in. Sports. No wonder im fat. hahaass

The only sports i joined in secondary skool was rugby, and due to some reasons, i quit to preserve a frenship. Then i went to join chinese orchestra. Yes, i can play the flute(Di Zi) and appreciate traditional chinese music as well. Wanted to join band, but last min went to play soccer with the guys and didnt go. hahahs :p

Then in poly, i joined dragonboat, and its realli fucking shag, so shag that i failed all my exams and my lecturer told me to quit and go for personal tuition and counselling. Hahahass. But its unforgettable, that experience of nearly fainting after running, yet the stubborn me stood up all the way though im staggering around. From that experience, i understood how strong mentally i can be when the need is there. And in army, that strength went full bloom and i can take shit alot of people cannot take. How? Just do lor.

And that's why i dare to attempt the impossible. Hiong lor, scared wat? But then again, must hiong with brains, always consider the consequences. Bottomline is, its okay to take risks, but take calculated risks. ^_-

My vision of relationships have opened up wider this time. The wider u open ur heart and perspective, the stronger u become emotionally. When u feel that this gal is the one and she's not viewing u in a veri good light, take a good look around you. Understand that the world still rotate on its own axis no matter u get her anot. Yes i like her alot, and yes i tell the guys how good and wonderful she is, but deep within me, im mature enough to know that the chances aint high, and to put it in a more dark way, i've alreadi done the preparations for the worse. Ah well, just leave thing to fate ba, im sounding abit crazy by saying this, but ya, i believe in her alot. Her as in her, and fate as well.

I have no sense of urgency. I dun kw why leh. Exams coming, and yet todae i slacked. Was a hot day todae, sibei hot, hot until i keep sweating. Sticky sticky sweaty sweaty. eeeyer. Oh ya, a random issue to tell u people, i LOVE drinking chinese tea. And in case u are wondering, i am preparing to buy those chinese porcelain mini teapots and cups, and most prob gonna learn CHA DAO, the Way Of the Tea. hurhurs.

Before i go, did i tell you people how sweet my younger brother and his gf is? Hahass, i was secretly reading both their blogs and i can help but chuckle at their pure and simple love. It seems my little brother and his gf does dumb stuffs like skipping buses at busstops just to spend more time with each other etc. hahahass, how i wish that i can do that kind of simple yet silly things with a special somebody. sigh, there we go again, facing the fact that i dun have a gf all this time. Wanna go stupid things also hard. hahahass! Oh well, no rush, one day somebody will let me have the chance to show her my world. :)

Lots more to say, but time is not kind. I gonna go teh (hokkien for lie down) le, so cya nxt entry!

Jason's : You will get diabetes if you're my gal. hahahass! joking*

I scared but i care

I scared. The phrase that xh used when he ran away during a game of dota. The phrase that also describes how i feel when i wanna text somebody. What am i afraid of? alot. Because i tend to be veri imaginative and will start to tink alot. True, im just a little boy deep inside after all.

Fate is what u make of it. Coincidence is fate if u like somebody, and they can simply stay as coincidences if u are neutral towards that person. Alot of things and events in life is just a matter of perspective. Theories are always easier to preach then practice.

Alot of events and people that u come across throughout your life time simply stays as memories. And there's alot of secrets and sides of people that u have never seen even though u might have known them for sometime. I know this entry sounds abit vague and no link, but its just some random thoughts. :)

Lets tok about an interesting theory and perspective of people. I like the idea that everybody has their own internal gospel that dictates their emotions. Page after page, that person's emotional undertakings and routine can be read. And as the music plays, the heart strings shifts. Bit by bit, inch by inch. And the name of that darling starts to fill the pages of the scripture.

The Jasonian Gospel is pure and undefiled. Nobody has ever written their name in the gospel, sadly or gladly. Yet a gospel cannot go unwritten, someday, a name have to appear in it. Someday.

And somebody dented my ego yesterday. But too bad, i dun have much ego left anyways. A man must be humble and know his place in life, think too high, and ur fall will be far. Im quite surprised im tinking this way, in the past, never will i tink in this way. Ah well, enough illogical crap, before i go, i have a question to ask you people.

Will u prefer a person that comes to you as perfect and impeccable, or will u want a person that is imperfect and flawed?

Jason's : Ya, its true.

Zho Bo

Im blogging alot these days because i am damn bored. Obvious rite? Yeah, guess so too. Im bored to tears, games no longer make me happy these days man, i dun kw why, they seem to have lost the 'fun factor'. Gosh, am i getting old?

Went to skool to study alone todae, because my bench-study-mates didnt come to skool to study todae. The guys were at the library, but i dun like to study there, its too quiet and its kinda creepy. And so i studied alone at the level 3 bench todae. Sad and lonely. Hurhurs.

Funny thing is, though i have noone to tok to, i still feel the atmosphere is better then the library man. And i didnt people-watch as much, i did notice Siao CB though, he's patrolling the skool religiously every single fuck day, for whatever reasons i totally dun wanna understand. Crazy fellow, mad man.

And so tomolo i shall journey alone to skool to finish studying my investment. I at topic 5 with 5 more topics to go, and then i should be able to start doing the sample exam paper. With exactly 10 days left to the first paper (investment), i feel im still know nuts about this module. Wootz!

Disaster. The word to describe my financial condition now. I am broke as usual, and then the epic question comes again: why am i always broke? hahahass! Well, since im broke, i shall eat cheap ba. When u dun have the cash, u eat cheap stuffs, like the PM theory on Inferior Goods, u consume more Inferior Goods when you have not much money.

I aint beri picky when it comes to food, contrary to popular belief. Anything that can swallow and make me full is enough, and let me tell u people a secret that onli my family members know ba. I dun like to eat abalone. Yes, u heard rite, dun know why, i will feel like puking whenever i chew abalone.

August 24th. My birthday. Hasnt been a happy day for a few years alreadi, there's this void in me every year. Oh well, maybe its just meant to be that way. There's nothing u can do except to suck it up and continue living your life. Period.

Ah wei asked me to do something that i totally didnt expect at all. He told me that the Singapore Flyer is opened and is $35 per ride. He told me to bring her go take a ride. Wow. i nearli fell off my seat, because like i said, he is somebody that thinks these kinda of stuff is a waste of money. He's bringing his gf there too. Seriously WOW.

And i personally i tink, its realli a waste of money leh, $35 bucks for a round trip to see the scenery of singapore? No thanks. I rather spend the money in other ways. Its not that i am not a romantic person, but i am more a practical kinda romantic person, not those 'spend alot of money' kind of casanova. I prefer down-to-earth and practical methods. But it's realli a huge surprise that ah wei will spend this kinda money man, im starting to believe in miracles.

Toking about miracles, there are some issues happening this few months that i would deem as a miracle. Shall not tok about them because i tink people will simply laugh it off and think i am dumb or crazy or naive or watever. They say its all my imagination, but i beg to differ.

Jason's : Act, Think, Perceive.

Caution to the Winds

Never take things for granted, that is why i always try to cherish what i have. Especially the time spent, no matter its fruitful anot, i still cherish each and every moment that someone or something is by my side.

The people that u take for granted most of the time is your family, your parents and your siblings, but could u bear to live your life without them? Its hard to even imagine life without them, and that makes me wanna cherish them when i still have the chance.

Im not an ultra filial son,neither a super good brother, but i do make the occasional effort to be nice to my mum and siblings. As for my dad its hard to be nice to him, because we dun tok much, but i kw he does care. :)

The complete family that i have now doesnt come easily, because a few years back my dad was not around most of the time due to some veri dumb reasons. And seeing your siblings grow up one by one is one of most memorable things in life. Im the eldest, so i kinda see them grow up.

In the past i used to like holding my siblings hands when they are young and had small hands. They're so cute then, and everytime after skool, i will fetch them back from skool. hahahass, thinking bout them simply puts a smile to my face. hahaass

And my mum and dad, i remember how they looked when i was 6 yrs old. My dad used to sport VERY long hair and used to be veri yandao back in his younger days. And my mum is super your typical hot babe, living in hong kong (which used to be the hottest city during the 70s) for a few yrs before coming back to singapore. She used to tell me about the hordes of suitors she had back then, from rich arabian princes to dashing young actors. She even knew alot of hong kong actors. And i tot she was lying until she showed me the pictures they took together when they went out. hahahass!

Reminising all these memories makes me happy, and yet a tinge of sourness surfaces, because of all those happy moments and recollections, they were part and parcel of the past. What matters is the future, and my future equates their future. Whether i make it in life anot is not just for me alone, i need to make it for them as well.

I am confident enough to say, that i will make it in life, simply because i believe in myself and my abilities. Not that i wanna sound egoistic, but i think wat makes a man is his belief in his own abilities, and what he can do with his abilities.

All that, yet i know that in the pursuit of money, we tend to neglect loved ones. Dillian sent me a email which i actually read ( i dun usually read those chain mails), and its about this story of a fisherman and a banker. Long story, u wanna hear the whole story can ask me, i will gladly tell u.

The moral of that story is that life is a cycle, the reason why u want more money is to get happiness, and when we blindly pursue that, we lost sight of the happiness that we have now. And when we come full circle, we realised that the happiness we seek is alreadi with us rite now.

I dun know why i suddenly tok about such serious issues in this entry, i just feel like narrating how i feel. I might look non-chalent and happy-go-lucky on the surface, but my morals are as strong as steel. I firmly believe a man's duty in this world is to protect and provide. Protect your loved ones, and provide for your loved ones.

Before i go, a very meaningful song that i chanced upon when i was kinda down and out 2 years ago. And this song told me one important logic that i still bear in mind till this day. If somebody loves you, she loves you for who u are, the man that is standing infront of her with nothing to hide. And the only thing that you is important to her is your sincerity, not looks, not physique and definitely not money.

Darius Rucker - This Is My World

The look on your face
It could never explain your heart
And the touch of my lips
It could never tell u my thoughts

And U want me to change
I can't get used to
All U want me to be
I just can't pretend
To be anyone else
Cuz it's not really me

This is my world
This is who I am
And I'm not gonna give up myself
I got my own life to live
And U can either accept me
Or baby

And if it's love
That we share
Then we can withstand all
The obstacles that life brings forth
And I will receive you
For who U are who u were
And baby who U will be

But U want me to change
Girl I can't get used to
All U want me to be
And I just can't pretend
To be anyone else, oh
Cuz it's not really me

This is my world
This is who I am
And I'm not trying to give up myself
To make your life better, now

This is how it is
I got my own life to live
And U can either accept me
Or baby

This is my world
This is who i am
And I'm not trying to give up myself
To make your life better

She said
This is how
I got my own life to live
And U can either accept me
Or baby let me go

U said I promise you the stars
And I'm
Giving you all I can now
U said love is not enough
And I know
U will see
If your life turns around
In my heart there is room for u

It's me and my world
This is who i am
And I'm not trying to give up myself
To make your life better

She said
This is how
I got my life
And U can either accept me
Or baby

This is my world
Who I am
And I'm not trying to give up myself
To make your life better, now

Oh, this is how
And I got my life
And U can either accept me
Or baby let me go

This is my world
My world
Baby let me go

Oh, this is who I am
Where I live
Got my own life to give

Oh, oh oh
My world
I'm not trying to change u
This is who I am
Please let me be me, yeah

The song is not referring to anybody in particular, the song just reminded me of the past experiences. Im worried about someone though. heh. :)

Jason's : You dun have to show everyone how good u are, its more meaningful when people find out how good u realli are.

Run Fatboy Run!

Slacked for the whole day, woke up at 3pm then went to cut hair at 5pm. Watched a few 'inspirational' movies these 2 days, and its not that kinda movie, mind you. I watched Super Size Me and Run Fat boy Run, its scary what fastfood can do to your body man. Wow. Anyways both movie have a thing in common, the fats. hahasss :P

Watched The Girl Next Door as well, its not like your usual teen american flick, there's a message behind the movie. I know, exams are coming, and im supposed to study rather then watching shows all day long, but i kinda wanna take a break after passing up investment project. So pardon me for my slackiness. hahaass

Its sunday, and i tink im not gonna study again. hurhurs. And evening i shall need to force my ass down to the tar and do some roadwork, i lost 2, and i dun wanna regain the 2 back man. Yeah baby, i love roadwork. :)

I never knew that i will be doing this man, training hard, losing weight and toning up for one specific reason. Come monday i have scheduled myself to go to the gym and pump some iron, and tuesday is swimming 20 laps etc. Its like i dun usually plan so far ahead, i kinda do what i feel like doing on the day itself. And i know just why the need for the change. :)

Im doing lots of online shopping these days, buying stuffs that i like in ebay and therefore, my coffers are officially dry and out. hahahas, but i feel good seeing all the clothes and caps that i like. I like to change image alot, to try out new stuffs and see how it all holds up. hahahass. I've bought something special though, and its not for myself. heehee...

Okays, i tink im going to go sleep, i have a deep deep feeling my mum will wake me up at 6am later, haiz. Bye peeps, and try to tag abit after reading, my blog is feeling lonely!

Jason's : Whatever the outcome, spending time with u already is a blessing to me.

期待爱


my life 一直在等待
空荡的口袋
想在里面放一份爱
why 总是被打败
真的好无奈
其实我实实在在
不管帅不帅

想要找回来
自己的节拍
所以这一次
我要勇敢大声说出来

期待期待你发现我的爱
无所不在我自然而然的关怀
你的存在心灵感应的方向
我一眼就看出来
是因为爱

我猜你早已发现我的爱
绕几个弯越靠近越明白
不要走开
幸福的开始就是放手去爱

*This following section is very mushy, do not read if u cannot stand mushy stuffs. hahass*

We tend to miss out on the best things though they are beside us all the while, we just didnt notice. And with each and everytime i see you, i ask myself why have i missed u all this time. Hahass, mushy rite? i tink so too, so mushy. hurhurs. Anyways, yeah, i know life is never a bed of roses, people gave me a percentage of less then 1% , but i hecked it all, because i rather go with my feelings and get pawned, then listen to people and miss out on the best thing in my life. *Gosh, damn mushy.*

Alritey, if tomolo can wrap up the fucking investment project, then finally can start studying for exams alreadi. Im trying to look for a job now, so after exams can str8 away work, i wanna earn money and buy abercrombie clothes! hahasss!

Another side of me wanna just swim and run and gym for the 2 months holiday. I wana pass my ippt leh, been saying i wanna train for it, but everyday do project until 11pm reach home, kaoz. But on and off, i've been swimming abit whenever i have a day off from the project, so im kinda maintaining the health abit.

My blog abit boring i know, no pictures. lolx. But i rarely take pictures, so i dun realli have much pictures to post here. hurhurs. I tink its time i went off le, next entry, i might be discussing about humans from different backgrounds living alternate lifestyles. Contrasting the lives of the rich and the spoiled VS the lives of the poor and the denied. hahaass :P

Jason's : I am rarely so mushy, so forgive me for this entry. :)

W.H.Y

Not being emo, but well, kinda sian. I was wondering what was realli expected in a man. Hmms. I tink diff women have diff expectations, but the hard part is trying to know what they want.

How true is true? What can i do?

Im veri disappointed in people sometimes, the details i dun realli wanna jot down here for the record. Its about trust by the way, just so u know.

How do u tell somebody that treats u like a role model about something? I realli dun kw how to tell that person, so i dun wanna get too close to that person. Im trying to be not so frendly. Interest. haiz.

These days i've been watching youtube and youku alot, watching funny stuffs and most importantly, watching the Chao Ji Xing Guang Da Dao competition from taiwan. The singers in there are good, especially Jam Xiao Jing Teng. He's vocals is excellent and his singing technique is wow. I am rarely impressed by people, and he managed to make me do just that.

Yang Zhong Wei is good also, but i feel he's too feminine sometimes, he cries too much in the show, though sometimes its quite touching, but for a guy, he cries too much. He's actions are also abit girlish, gives me the notion that he's gay. lol.

Tml is PM test, and i kinda touched it abit onli, i didnt realli studied much for it. Im just lazy, so lazy sometimes. Haiz. Even my room is still in a mess man, fuck, i need to pick up the pieces. duh.

Okays, after investment project then im free for like 2 weeks, before the exams come, and i foresee myself mugging for the 2 weeks, and then after that during holidays will most probably be training and working. Alot to swallow for 2 mths, but wat the heck man, juz do it, dun need to think so much.

Jason's : A song for a lady, a poem for a beauty, a heart for the worthy. (Jason, 2008)