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The warmth of the morning sun. The smell of the falling dews. The thumb of a yearning heart. Mellowed.

Yesterday nite i had a veri veri strange dream, it involves SWAT teams, KFC 2 piece meal and her. I know, no link at all, but its a dream mah, and i rarely dream. Ah well, crazy me and crazy dreams. Its so strange im not supposed to write it down here. Makes for a good topic to tok rot and laugh at me though. lolx.

Todae i finally packed my room, and i cleared out the bench that was gathering lots of clothes. So now everything is in lined for me to pick up my gloves again. Hurhur, i do hope i will be successful this time, means alot to me you know?

For those ppl that studies engineering, you most prob will be familiar with the Fleming's Left-Hand Rule. Its a Rule that denotes the direction of electro-magnetism ( if i nvr remember wrongly). And then now i come up with the Jason's Left-Hand Rule. Hurhurs, wana know the theory behind this, ask me! :)

Im going to study later at around 2am, i need to get started, because i;ve slacked for 2 days alreadi and my OT exams is on saturday. No sense of urgency at all. Kaoz. Im too complacent man.

Been watching lots of yakuza stuffs these days, and its having a bad influence on me. hahaha. Tomolo is the start of Project One Pound, wish me luck! And before i forget, yesterday i came across this pdf file that explains how to win at roulette. Yes, u heard rite, winning at a casino roulette. I tried it, and indeed it works. Its all pure maths realli, no gimmicks and no cheating. But its just for entertainment, im not going to be a gambling addict.

Alrite, my frend is now into fierce gals like me. Hahahass, he watched PUZZLE, a japanese drama with a female main character that is fiesty and sassy. Fierce gals are hard to find these days, much less a pretty and fierce one. I know, people might say its mad and crazy, but im not realli that normal to begin with. :)

Jason's: Study Study Study. I wonder why is mugging called mugging? hmms.

Siphoned

Good day todae. Lots of stuffs to be happy about. Investment paper is over, played mahjong todae (though i lost) and ya, im happy lah. :)

Simple things in life can make u happy, simple people in life can make u happy as well. I will work hard to lose weight during the holidays. I kw, i say this thousands of times, but its for a different purpose this time.

Okies, and now to tell you people a fact. I prefer chinese gals. Yes, authentic bilingual speaking chinese singaporeans. Not those cheena ones. I know there are lots of wonderful malay gals out there with the package, but im not realli interested. I love pork. Period.

Todae i finally went into exams mood le, i know it sounds silly, but todae i finally feel like im having exams. By a stroke of luck, todae's paper wasnt that difficult, at least can get a pass i presume.

I know my singing is not wonderful, and there is alot of room for improvement. Im never big-headed and think that im some kinda singing prodigy. Im juz a guy who likes to sing, and whose sole wish is to sing for my gal, not to get my minute worth of fame. Music is what i call the language of the soul. They say its the universal language, i say its the language of the human soul.

Toking about songs, im listening to some retro Jeff Chang's songs rite nw, and there's this song that i wanna share with u people, its called Nan Yi Kang Ju Ni Rong Yan, literally meaning " Hard to resist your face". I know it sounds stupid in english, but in chinese its quite meaningful. lolx. Anyways, here's the lyrics!

难以抗拒你容颜

你仿佛从没见过我只是让我梦成空
伤心不语退缩
幻想也许是你假装不看我
让我得不到更珍惜所有
我试着对你微微笑你总视而不见
何必何必何必
却又难以抗拒难以放弃
就算你对我说别再烦我

你难以靠近难以不再想念
我难以抗拒你容颜
把心画在写给你的信中
希望偶而能够见到你微笑的容颜
你难以靠近难以不再想念
我难以抗拒你容颜
把心画在写给你的信中
希望明天能够见到你会心的容颜

Alrite, shall end here tonite. Damn freaking tired after todae's paper and losing $19 bucks in mahjong. I almost ALWAYS lose when im playing mahjong in my house, i dun fucking kw why. F. I always lose when i wanna win, and i win when for that one time i wanna lose. Ironic isnt it.

Jason's : How strong is your faith, how firm is your love?

The Northern Route

My cough has been ongoing for a few days alreadi, its damn irritating man, i cant even go running or swimming, keep coughing like a dog. Fuck. I hate the unhealthy feeling, when u kw its been a few days since u last exercised. ARgh, hopefully tml can get better, then i go gym. :)

I have some very diverse frends, like i said in some veri old entry. And some of them, makes u so amused and astonished. hahahass. Legendary frends. lolx.

Is ego so important? I guess so, because i know alot of egoistic people, especially guys. Their ego is so big that its frightening. They cannot lose at all, no matter how small the issue. Gosh. And they insist that they are always rite, and never wrong. It takes alot of courage to saw you are always rite, rite?

Anyways i had a ego and is damn haolian when i was younger, but i slowly toned down alreadi, if u knew me in the past, compared to me now, u will realised what i meant. I used to shout across the lanshop to greet their parents and ancestors when i was younger and gaming in lan shops. Kinda childish then, but i grew up, and realized its not rite to implicate people's ancestors. :P

Some people have a side that isnt always shown to others. A cute and adorable side. Im definitely in fully, heart and soul. Believe me when i say i will always be there for you when u need me.

Jason's : Swimming in financial numbers and figures...

Desirable

What kind of guy am i. Besides being fat and all that lah. Im actually call myself a hybrid when it comes to mental culture, why? Because contrary to popular believe, im actually quite good at chinese and oriental culture, especially the history of Romance of Three kingdoms period. Living in a english educated country, i naturally developed a good sense for the language as well, and though im not veri proficient in ang moh, i at least can understand chim stuffs lah. :)

And they say cultural and artsy people are weak in sciences. Wrong. My sciences were quite good infact, and the during secondary school, i actually wanted to be a quantum physicist. Yes, u heard rite, a quantum physicist. Im more the intellectual type during my younger days, and sad to say, i gave up my passion for money. I would rather work in the economic sector and earn big bucks, then be a physicist that is onli famous when u die. My wife and parents and kids cant possibly live on uranium particles and space rocks rite? Right.

All the drastic changes in routes i took made me into somebody that have interests in almost all aspects of humanity. I can appreciate art and music (even abstract art and classical music), understand rocket science, stock markets, psychology etc. But there is one area i kinda lack development in. Sports. No wonder im fat. hahaass

The only sports i joined in secondary skool was rugby, and due to some reasons, i quit to preserve a frenship. Then i went to join chinese orchestra. Yes, i can play the flute(Di Zi) and appreciate traditional chinese music as well. Wanted to join band, but last min went to play soccer with the guys and didnt go. hahahs :p

Then in poly, i joined dragonboat, and its realli fucking shag, so shag that i failed all my exams and my lecturer told me to quit and go for personal tuition and counselling. Hahahass. But its unforgettable, that experience of nearly fainting after running, yet the stubborn me stood up all the way though im staggering around. From that experience, i understood how strong mentally i can be when the need is there. And in army, that strength went full bloom and i can take shit alot of people cannot take. How? Just do lor.

And that's why i dare to attempt the impossible. Hiong lor, scared wat? But then again, must hiong with brains, always consider the consequences. Bottomline is, its okay to take risks, but take calculated risks. ^_-

My vision of relationships have opened up wider this time. The wider u open ur heart and perspective, the stronger u become emotionally. When u feel that this gal is the one and she's not viewing u in a veri good light, take a good look around you. Understand that the world still rotate on its own axis no matter u get her anot. Yes i like her alot, and yes i tell the guys how good and wonderful she is, but deep within me, im mature enough to know that the chances aint high, and to put it in a more dark way, i've alreadi done the preparations for the worse. Ah well, just leave thing to fate ba, im sounding abit crazy by saying this, but ya, i believe in her alot. Her as in her, and fate as well.

I have no sense of urgency. I dun kw why leh. Exams coming, and yet todae i slacked. Was a hot day todae, sibei hot, hot until i keep sweating. Sticky sticky sweaty sweaty. eeeyer. Oh ya, a random issue to tell u people, i LOVE drinking chinese tea. And in case u are wondering, i am preparing to buy those chinese porcelain mini teapots and cups, and most prob gonna learn CHA DAO, the Way Of the Tea. hurhurs.

Before i go, did i tell you people how sweet my younger brother and his gf is? Hahass, i was secretly reading both their blogs and i can help but chuckle at their pure and simple love. It seems my little brother and his gf does dumb stuffs like skipping buses at busstops just to spend more time with each other etc. hahahass, how i wish that i can do that kind of simple yet silly things with a special somebody. sigh, there we go again, facing the fact that i dun have a gf all this time. Wanna go stupid things also hard. hahahass! Oh well, no rush, one day somebody will let me have the chance to show her my world. :)

Lots more to say, but time is not kind. I gonna go teh (hokkien for lie down) le, so cya nxt entry!

Jason's : You will get diabetes if you're my gal. hahahass! joking*

I scared but i care

I scared. The phrase that xh used when he ran away during a game of dota. The phrase that also describes how i feel when i wanna text somebody. What am i afraid of? alot. Because i tend to be veri imaginative and will start to tink alot. True, im just a little boy deep inside after all.

Fate is what u make of it. Coincidence is fate if u like somebody, and they can simply stay as coincidences if u are neutral towards that person. Alot of things and events in life is just a matter of perspective. Theories are always easier to preach then practice.

Alot of events and people that u come across throughout your life time simply stays as memories. And there's alot of secrets and sides of people that u have never seen even though u might have known them for sometime. I know this entry sounds abit vague and no link, but its just some random thoughts. :)

Lets tok about an interesting theory and perspective of people. I like the idea that everybody has their own internal gospel that dictates their emotions. Page after page, that person's emotional undertakings and routine can be read. And as the music plays, the heart strings shifts. Bit by bit, inch by inch. And the name of that darling starts to fill the pages of the scripture.

The Jasonian Gospel is pure and undefiled. Nobody has ever written their name in the gospel, sadly or gladly. Yet a gospel cannot go unwritten, someday, a name have to appear in it. Someday.

And somebody dented my ego yesterday. But too bad, i dun have much ego left anyways. A man must be humble and know his place in life, think too high, and ur fall will be far. Im quite surprised im tinking this way, in the past, never will i tink in this way. Ah well, enough illogical crap, before i go, i have a question to ask you people.

Will u prefer a person that comes to you as perfect and impeccable, or will u want a person that is imperfect and flawed?

Jason's : Ya, its true.

Zho Bo

Im blogging alot these days because i am damn bored. Obvious rite? Yeah, guess so too. Im bored to tears, games no longer make me happy these days man, i dun kw why, they seem to have lost the 'fun factor'. Gosh, am i getting old?

Went to skool to study alone todae, because my bench-study-mates didnt come to skool to study todae. The guys were at the library, but i dun like to study there, its too quiet and its kinda creepy. And so i studied alone at the level 3 bench todae. Sad and lonely. Hurhurs.

Funny thing is, though i have noone to tok to, i still feel the atmosphere is better then the library man. And i didnt people-watch as much, i did notice Siao CB though, he's patrolling the skool religiously every single fuck day, for whatever reasons i totally dun wanna understand. Crazy fellow, mad man.

And so tomolo i shall journey alone to skool to finish studying my investment. I at topic 5 with 5 more topics to go, and then i should be able to start doing the sample exam paper. With exactly 10 days left to the first paper (investment), i feel im still know nuts about this module. Wootz!

Disaster. The word to describe my financial condition now. I am broke as usual, and then the epic question comes again: why am i always broke? hahahass! Well, since im broke, i shall eat cheap ba. When u dun have the cash, u eat cheap stuffs, like the PM theory on Inferior Goods, u consume more Inferior Goods when you have not much money.

I aint beri picky when it comes to food, contrary to popular belief. Anything that can swallow and make me full is enough, and let me tell u people a secret that onli my family members know ba. I dun like to eat abalone. Yes, u heard rite, dun know why, i will feel like puking whenever i chew abalone.

August 24th. My birthday. Hasnt been a happy day for a few years alreadi, there's this void in me every year. Oh well, maybe its just meant to be that way. There's nothing u can do except to suck it up and continue living your life. Period.

Ah wei asked me to do something that i totally didnt expect at all. He told me that the Singapore Flyer is opened and is $35 per ride. He told me to bring her go take a ride. Wow. i nearli fell off my seat, because like i said, he is somebody that thinks these kinda of stuff is a waste of money. He's bringing his gf there too. Seriously WOW.

And i personally i tink, its realli a waste of money leh, $35 bucks for a round trip to see the scenery of singapore? No thanks. I rather spend the money in other ways. Its not that i am not a romantic person, but i am more a practical kinda romantic person, not those 'spend alot of money' kind of casanova. I prefer down-to-earth and practical methods. But it's realli a huge surprise that ah wei will spend this kinda money man, im starting to believe in miracles.

Toking about miracles, there are some issues happening this few months that i would deem as a miracle. Shall not tok about them because i tink people will simply laugh it off and think i am dumb or crazy or naive or watever. They say its all my imagination, but i beg to differ.

Jason's : Act, Think, Perceive.

Caution to the Winds

Never take things for granted, that is why i always try to cherish what i have. Especially the time spent, no matter its fruitful anot, i still cherish each and every moment that someone or something is by my side.

The people that u take for granted most of the time is your family, your parents and your siblings, but could u bear to live your life without them? Its hard to even imagine life without them, and that makes me wanna cherish them when i still have the chance.

Im not an ultra filial son,neither a super good brother, but i do make the occasional effort to be nice to my mum and siblings. As for my dad its hard to be nice to him, because we dun tok much, but i kw he does care. :)

The complete family that i have now doesnt come easily, because a few years back my dad was not around most of the time due to some veri dumb reasons. And seeing your siblings grow up one by one is one of most memorable things in life. Im the eldest, so i kinda see them grow up.

In the past i used to like holding my siblings hands when they are young and had small hands. They're so cute then, and everytime after skool, i will fetch them back from skool. hahahass, thinking bout them simply puts a smile to my face. hahaass

And my mum and dad, i remember how they looked when i was 6 yrs old. My dad used to sport VERY long hair and used to be veri yandao back in his younger days. And my mum is super your typical hot babe, living in hong kong (which used to be the hottest city during the 70s) for a few yrs before coming back to singapore. She used to tell me about the hordes of suitors she had back then, from rich arabian princes to dashing young actors. She even knew alot of hong kong actors. And i tot she was lying until she showed me the pictures they took together when they went out. hahahass!

Reminising all these memories makes me happy, and yet a tinge of sourness surfaces, because of all those happy moments and recollections, they were part and parcel of the past. What matters is the future, and my future equates their future. Whether i make it in life anot is not just for me alone, i need to make it for them as well.

I am confident enough to say, that i will make it in life, simply because i believe in myself and my abilities. Not that i wanna sound egoistic, but i think wat makes a man is his belief in his own abilities, and what he can do with his abilities.

All that, yet i know that in the pursuit of money, we tend to neglect loved ones. Dillian sent me a email which i actually read ( i dun usually read those chain mails), and its about this story of a fisherman and a banker. Long story, u wanna hear the whole story can ask me, i will gladly tell u.

The moral of that story is that life is a cycle, the reason why u want more money is to get happiness, and when we blindly pursue that, we lost sight of the happiness that we have now. And when we come full circle, we realised that the happiness we seek is alreadi with us rite now.

I dun know why i suddenly tok about such serious issues in this entry, i just feel like narrating how i feel. I might look non-chalent and happy-go-lucky on the surface, but my morals are as strong as steel. I firmly believe a man's duty in this world is to protect and provide. Protect your loved ones, and provide for your loved ones.

Before i go, a very meaningful song that i chanced upon when i was kinda down and out 2 years ago. And this song told me one important logic that i still bear in mind till this day. If somebody loves you, she loves you for who u are, the man that is standing infront of her with nothing to hide. And the only thing that you is important to her is your sincerity, not looks, not physique and definitely not money.

Darius Rucker - This Is My World

The look on your face
It could never explain your heart
And the touch of my lips
It could never tell u my thoughts

And U want me to change
I can't get used to
All U want me to be
I just can't pretend
To be anyone else
Cuz it's not really me

This is my world
This is who I am
And I'm not gonna give up myself
I got my own life to live
And U can either accept me
Or baby

And if it's love
That we share
Then we can withstand all
The obstacles that life brings forth
And I will receive you
For who U are who u were
And baby who U will be

But U want me to change
Girl I can't get used to
All U want me to be
And I just can't pretend
To be anyone else, oh
Cuz it's not really me

This is my world
This is who I am
And I'm not trying to give up myself
To make your life better, now

This is how it is
I got my own life to live
And U can either accept me
Or baby

This is my world
This is who i am
And I'm not trying to give up myself
To make your life better

She said
This is how
I got my own life to live
And U can either accept me
Or baby let me go

U said I promise you the stars
And I'm
Giving you all I can now
U said love is not enough
And I know
U will see
If your life turns around
In my heart there is room for u

It's me and my world
This is who i am
And I'm not trying to give up myself
To make your life better

She said
This is how
I got my life
And U can either accept me
Or baby

This is my world
Who I am
And I'm not trying to give up myself
To make your life better, now

Oh, this is how
And I got my life
And U can either accept me
Or baby let me go

This is my world
My world
Baby let me go

Oh, this is who I am
Where I live
Got my own life to give

Oh, oh oh
My world
I'm not trying to change u
This is who I am
Please let me be me, yeah

The song is not referring to anybody in particular, the song just reminded me of the past experiences. Im worried about someone though. heh. :)

Jason's : You dun have to show everyone how good u are, its more meaningful when people find out how good u realli are.

Run Fatboy Run!

Slacked for the whole day, woke up at 3pm then went to cut hair at 5pm. Watched a few 'inspirational' movies these 2 days, and its not that kinda movie, mind you. I watched Super Size Me and Run Fat boy Run, its scary what fastfood can do to your body man. Wow. Anyways both movie have a thing in common, the fats. hahasss :P

Watched The Girl Next Door as well, its not like your usual teen american flick, there's a message behind the movie. I know, exams are coming, and im supposed to study rather then watching shows all day long, but i kinda wanna take a break after passing up investment project. So pardon me for my slackiness. hahaass

Its sunday, and i tink im not gonna study again. hurhurs. And evening i shall need to force my ass down to the tar and do some roadwork, i lost 2, and i dun wanna regain the 2 back man. Yeah baby, i love roadwork. :)

I never knew that i will be doing this man, training hard, losing weight and toning up for one specific reason. Come monday i have scheduled myself to go to the gym and pump some iron, and tuesday is swimming 20 laps etc. Its like i dun usually plan so far ahead, i kinda do what i feel like doing on the day itself. And i know just why the need for the change. :)

Im doing lots of online shopping these days, buying stuffs that i like in ebay and therefore, my coffers are officially dry and out. hahahas, but i feel good seeing all the clothes and caps that i like. I like to change image alot, to try out new stuffs and see how it all holds up. hahahass. I've bought something special though, and its not for myself. heehee...

Okays, i tink im going to go sleep, i have a deep deep feeling my mum will wake me up at 6am later, haiz. Bye peeps, and try to tag abit after reading, my blog is feeling lonely!

Jason's : Whatever the outcome, spending time with u already is a blessing to me.

期待爱


my life 一直在等待
空荡的口袋
想在里面放一份爱
why 总是被打败
真的好无奈
其实我实实在在
不管帅不帅

想要找回来
自己的节拍
所以这一次
我要勇敢大声说出来

期待期待你发现我的爱
无所不在我自然而然的关怀
你的存在心灵感应的方向
我一眼就看出来
是因为爱

我猜你早已发现我的爱
绕几个弯越靠近越明白
不要走开
幸福的开始就是放手去爱

*This following section is very mushy, do not read if u cannot stand mushy stuffs. hahass*

We tend to miss out on the best things though they are beside us all the while, we just didnt notice. And with each and everytime i see you, i ask myself why have i missed u all this time. Hahass, mushy rite? i tink so too, so mushy. hurhurs. Anyways, yeah, i know life is never a bed of roses, people gave me a percentage of less then 1% , but i hecked it all, because i rather go with my feelings and get pawned, then listen to people and miss out on the best thing in my life. *Gosh, damn mushy.*

Alritey, if tomolo can wrap up the fucking investment project, then finally can start studying for exams alreadi. Im trying to look for a job now, so after exams can str8 away work, i wanna earn money and buy abercrombie clothes! hahasss!

Another side of me wanna just swim and run and gym for the 2 months holiday. I wana pass my ippt leh, been saying i wanna train for it, but everyday do project until 11pm reach home, kaoz. But on and off, i've been swimming abit whenever i have a day off from the project, so im kinda maintaining the health abit.

My blog abit boring i know, no pictures. lolx. But i rarely take pictures, so i dun realli have much pictures to post here. hurhurs. I tink its time i went off le, next entry, i might be discussing about humans from different backgrounds living alternate lifestyles. Contrasting the lives of the rich and the spoiled VS the lives of the poor and the denied. hahaass :P

Jason's : I am rarely so mushy, so forgive me for this entry. :)

W.H.Y

Not being emo, but well, kinda sian. I was wondering what was realli expected in a man. Hmms. I tink diff women have diff expectations, but the hard part is trying to know what they want.

How true is true? What can i do?

Im veri disappointed in people sometimes, the details i dun realli wanna jot down here for the record. Its about trust by the way, just so u know.

How do u tell somebody that treats u like a role model about something? I realli dun kw how to tell that person, so i dun wanna get too close to that person. Im trying to be not so frendly. Interest. haiz.

These days i've been watching youtube and youku alot, watching funny stuffs and most importantly, watching the Chao Ji Xing Guang Da Dao competition from taiwan. The singers in there are good, especially Jam Xiao Jing Teng. He's vocals is excellent and his singing technique is wow. I am rarely impressed by people, and he managed to make me do just that.

Yang Zhong Wei is good also, but i feel he's too feminine sometimes, he cries too much in the show, though sometimes its quite touching, but for a guy, he cries too much. He's actions are also abit girlish, gives me the notion that he's gay. lol.

Tml is PM test, and i kinda touched it abit onli, i didnt realli studied much for it. Im just lazy, so lazy sometimes. Haiz. Even my room is still in a mess man, fuck, i need to pick up the pieces. duh.

Okays, after investment project then im free for like 2 weeks, before the exams come, and i foresee myself mugging for the 2 weeks, and then after that during holidays will most probably be training and working. Alot to swallow for 2 mths, but wat the heck man, juz do it, dun need to think so much.

Jason's : A song for a lady, a poem for a beauty, a heart for the worthy. (Jason, 2008)

Sibei Long Entry!

I have alot to tok about in this post, so bear with me, its gonna be a long ride people. :)

Firstly, i liked to touch on fitness. Im trying to eek out more time to go running and swimming and gyming, just ytd, i FORCED myself to go swimming, and im glad i did. hurhurs. The tummy feels flatter alreadi. But on another note, i've been eating veri sinful stuffs these days man, i had waffle with ice-cream, cheesy curry chicken cubes, burger king etc over this 2 days. Fuck.

I shall need to control my diet if i wanna have any hopes of passing my ippt man, i needa lose around 10 kg to make the 70kg grade. 70 kg, V-shaped body, nicely fitting into my shorties with no overflow at the top. Wootz. And i have a new conclusion about god's gifts recently.

I used to think that the man up there isnt veri fair to me, giving me good skin, yet making me fat, giving me good language skills, yet lacking in charisma... and the list goes on. So i asked myself this question, what is the solution to all these problems? Its not like the old man is gonna give me a miracle out of no where, the answer lies in myself.

He gave me a good foundation, the rest is up to me, good skin yet flabby body? Train. Because if he gave me bad skin and a good body, bad skin is impossible to remedy totally, so he gave me the lesser of both evils. In one sentence: I am fat because i chose it, not because god willed it. :)

Whether i look yandao anot when im slimmer i dun realli care anymore, because it will definitely be better then the pile of lard i see in the mirror daily. Period. I must eat more sensibly, i have alreadi binged, so no point whining about what went in, might as well plan what is going to go in.

After fitness, now comes financial status. I am officially dry after todae, because i went to singing with my poly guitar club frens. Wow, spent around $30 bucks on singing and dinner alone todae. Side-tracking abit, i realised the lighting in kbox is abit deceiving, people look realli good under the dim dim light. Kinda reflect real life as well. hurhur

Money money money, i simply cant do without it, and i sincerely hope that i will have tons of it in future ( who doesnt?). And when i came home, i was immediately told to do a marital survey by bel. The survey toks about how people value marriage in our current society, and after filling up the LONG LONG online form, i concluded that i am super ultra wudi traditional.

Corinne texted me todae asking whether she's fat anot. Wah lan eh, 1 week nvr text me le, suddenly text me this kinda question, how to answer sia. -.-" In fact she lost weight as compared to last time in poly, but simply because her poly fren met her the other day and commented she put on lots of weight, she cant sleep and eat properly because of a simple comment. Gals. hahas.

Toking about gals, i received news that my first love is single after 9 yrs together with my frend. I feel sad for her man, after being together for so long, everyone was tinking they were cfmed to get married, and then things just ended so abruptly. I dun kw the full story, so i shall not comment on who is rite and who is wrong, but from my perspective, i see another social problem.

When a couple goes into their late 20s, after being together for so long, people will tink they will be getting married soon. But when things took a sudden turn, and the guy ditched the gal, unfairness happens. As i said earlier, guys have a golden period which stretches from 30 to 40, yet for the general female population, the golden period is 18 to 25, after which their value goes downhill ( i said generally, im not a MCP hor. ). Therefore its hard for the gal to find someone to settle down with, as compared to the guy.

Ah well, the wheels of life keeps turning, and we will never know what it has in store for us. And for your info, i have no notion of "eating backwards grass" at all, she shall stay as a memory. Besides, there's only one person im interested to be with now, noone else comes close at all.

Investment lecturer once said its better to "live an exciting 5 mins life, then a dull 5 yr life", and i tink it conforms with my hiongster mentality. I will gladly take risks if i deem the rewards are worth the risk, and when it comes to this, i am totally certain that im willing to take all kinds of shit just to enjoy the rewards. No matter the subject matter. According to Miles and Snow, i am a prospector. hurhurs

There is a reason for everything, and everything we do. I truly believe in that, and rather then going against reason and fate, why not let things flow naturally? Lie low and watch how to wind blows before determining the next course of action.

I have loads of crap to crap, but i tink this entry is looking more like a thesis then a blog entry man. Having said that, i tink i should stop here. Im getting tired from typing anyways. hohoho.

Jason's : Of dreams and hopes.

Sweet Dreams

The only difference is the looks.

With a smile and a chuckle, i leave it behind. I cant deny the traces of it, its all part and parcel of growing up. Sometimes forgoing is good, because somethings are simply not good for you. Fats.

Im a late bloomer, because im always late in whatever i do. Im late for meetings, late for class, late in my interests etc. Everything i do, im late. hahahass. Anyways like the prophecy from the japanese temple says, the first 25 yrs of my life will be a little hard to get thru, but after the initial 25 yrs, my life will be BIG RED BIG PURPLE, and after 30 yrs old i will lead an 'emperor's' life. hurhur.

Well, believing the prophecy anot, is not the main point. The main point is i will work towards my business empire dream no matter there's the prophecy anot. Being superstitious is fine, but being superstitious and not doing anything about your future is a big no no.

Most of the time, like the song 'Eye Of A Tiger', we change our passion for glory. Things started coming too fast too furious, and u start to lose sight of why u started on this path in the first place. That is the effect the society and environment have on people. Stalwartness is required to stand firm in this kinda turbulent times. Can i be stalwart? Rock steady?

Options are open now, and there's alot. Bit by bit, inch by inch, the market opens up, and new ventures are discovered, but which one is the one to buy in? Which one to invest in? Currently, we have to wait for the technical correction to subside, before going into the market again, everything is plunging like mad, and the only thing on the rise is gold and oil. Double meaning.

Do not be too self-centred. A good advice for alot of people, even my best frend. Had a conflict with him awhile back, and its about his self-centredness and assumptions. But as usual, we fucked it out, then afterwards things were back to normal. Like i said, i learned the best way to sort things out, is to get together and fuck things out, after which, walk out of the room and things are back to normal. My warrant officer in army taught me this method to settle disputes, and i agree this is how true man settles stuffs. :)

Business wise, i just got a proposed long term deal with my fren's fren, a insurance agent that buys PSPs for her clients. Ah wei side the website is stuck once again, due to very grim and unforeseen reasons. Time is not on our side, and i deeply suspect there will be future complications. Ah well, i just hope my instincts were wrong, im wrong most of the time rite? :)

All the above, and yet when a frend asked me a question, i gave a illogical and naive reply. He asked : " Will you give up your career and status for someone?"

"yes."

Jason's : I want a trucker cap.

Step Up

The sun rose up and i woke up. Life wasnt so bad lah, not as i perceived. Was damn tired todae, when an sms i receive during my mrt trip woke me up totally. And i tot my life took a dive hell.

The sms was sent by corinne. Her dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and there's no cure for it. She's so stunned that she dun kw how to react. I can feel her sadness in the sms, and i can only console her. So u see, what's my situation compared to her? Mine is small case nia.

Seeing corinne's case, im starting to worry about my parents. Im so stuck within my beautiful little world that i totally overlooked the fact that there is more to the world then gals. Though i hate to admit it, people around me are right, i have a over-emphasis on romance. Gals come and go, other stuffs in ur life are what that realli matters.

Studies, career,money, parents, frends, those are the things that should take precedence. Im chatting with xh nw, and the clouds are beginning to disperse from my sky. Time and again, the cycle repeats itself, and each time, a new ridiculous reason surfaces. sigh.

Projects are ending, and OT is killing me. The requirements are piling up as the lecturer keeps adding more and more stuffs to the project. 2500 words and we're supposed to squeeze everything into it, how sia?

After corinne's sms, i woke up. So let everything be back to normal ba, aint too late to realign myself. :)

Jason's : Learn from other people's experiences.

Ironic Karma

Like i've said before, its always good to stay ignorant. Oh well, its not like its never happened to me before, and yes, she still dun kw. Shall not blog bout her todae. Wasnt a good day realli.

Long day todae, just finished compiling OT 10 mins ago and im dying here. Dun understand how come i got to my blog, but its a dumb question to ask myself in the middle of the nite, since im here, might as well blog.

Im not going to diss anybody, but im just disappointed with the performance level. Totally disappointed, im was going crazy about 2 hrs ago, and i deeply suspect i will be all the way tomorrow. I ate a half chicken rice just nw as i was chatting with my frens at the kopitiam as usual.

The chicken i ate fried me, and im feeling sick now, most prob will be sick tomolo. Tomorrow is day 1, of wat, im not going to explain, those with a good heart, wish me luck. I do hope tomolo im fine, if not i will PMS, and when i PMS, its not funny.

I've been getting mysterious bruises and insect bites these days, and just todae, my hand was bleeding and i didnt notice at all. What is happening? Is it just pure coincidence? Ah well fuck it, its not like im going to lose my hands and legs or whatever.

After this thursday, i will feel abit free-er than now, because WIL's deadline is thursday. Like i said before this post, i know im repeating, but i have to emphasize, i am damn fucking busy this 2 weeks. Fuck the projects man, i feel like im doing projects more then going for lectures. ccb.

Watched Get karl! Soo jong! yesterday nite, its about this fat guy that was ditched by a beauty queen simply because he failed his law exams. Its damn funny, and that fat guy actually went to america and became a world class golfer. 8 years down the road, tat fat guy came back as a hunk that every woman will die for, whereas the beauty queen became a old maid that is still single and cant get married. Karma or celestial justice? u decide.

Rather then me trying to hard to know a person and tat person's interests, why cant that person at least try to know who i realli am and what are my interests? Reality tells me a resounding "dream on dude, dream on.".

Last bit of randomness amidst all my random jabberings in this entry. Was on the mrt todae, and saw a guy in a wheelchair, guess what's the wheelchair brandname? Karma. Yes, its spelled correctly, KARMA. Deep within me, the irony of the name and the purpose strucked me. Is the company trying to mock the user? That that person's end justifies the brandname? That its karma that they are using the product? Funny name for a wheelchair company, that's for certain. Mind you, im not laughing at the disabled, im just appalled by the irony of the brand name.

Oh yeah, i forgot to inform u peeps, i've uploaded my own version of cai hong onto my blog. So feel free to listen to it and criticize me, i know its not a veri good rendition. Im still abit shaky and not accustomed to listening to my own voice. And if u listen carefully, u can hear some traffic noises behind. hurhur, told ya its my first try. :)

Jason's : You kw u're realli fucked up when people stop telling you that you're fucked up.

Humji Me*

Im worried. Worried of status change, not of mine obviously. I know i should stay confident and optimistic, but its hard not to be worried. Hmms, we came a long way, a long long way infact. Was a crush, then became an obsession, and now its matured into sincere feelings. Ah well, i didnt tell the guys about this, so nobody actually knows the process.

There's alot that i know, which i cannot blog down here. But lets just say im not a perfect person as well, i have always said, when u feel for somebody, u accept all aspects of her. Im not being noble here, just stating the facts. And i find her cute in alot of ways that others deem to be negative, come on, she's unique. :)

Okies, those goosebumps are rising up alreadi, i keep toking bout her in my blog, its abit sickening to the readers. hahaahss.

And so todae i went to the cleo top 50 bachelor party with nich and 6 other gals. Due to a strange twist of circumstances, i went there to accompany nich after finishing project in skool, infact i rushed home to change into my shoes before running downstairs to take a cab just to honour my promise to accompany nich. Cab fare was $16 bucks, and the party wasnt that fun realli. We were just standing around behind the crowd and we couldnt even see a thing.

My main purpose there was to fulfill my promise to nich and to be there so that he wont be the only guy. Im not gay, so im definitely not interested in the gay fest. I do admit there's alot of hot babes there, but seriously, they're totally not my type. I want a simple homey girl-next-door. No matter how hot the gals there, im totally bored there.

My only happiness came from a beef bun which i got at zouk as a refreshment. After the event, went to esplanade to eat a $6 hokkien mee and within 10 mins after finishing my meal, i bid nich and the gals farewell then rush for the last train. Wasnt my typical fun day, but im glad i at least helped nich abit lah, if u get wat i mean. :)

Todae spent $16 + $6 = $22 for nothing and my wallet is still bleeding from it man, hahahass. But nvm lah, u aint born with money and u cant bring money with u when u die. See open abit ba. hahahasss

Recorded 2 sample songs, Shi jie mo ri and Forever love. Turns out to be not too bad, but i need to adjust the mic and music volume abit, music too soft, mic too loud. Its quite hard to record a perfect song, because sometimes the wind blows or some fuck thing drop then spoil the whole recording. But slowly ba, the nxt song i will record is Cai Hong, and after successfully recording it, i will put it in my blog~ :) (Will take some time, projects first, then recordings.)

Jason's : I think she still dun kw, because i dun do things that normal guys do during courtship.

Adhesives

Rainy night, wow. Cooling nite, clear mind. Suddenly felt like blogging, so here i am.

PM test todae was a breeze, and true enough our lecturer was true to his word, everything came out as expected. Was on the bus, and realized in 1 years time, i will graduate and should be looking for a job. Age is catching up with me, and my school days are numbered.

Something in my current life are coming to an end, projects are ending in 2 weeks time and RT is ending next week. Toking about RT, i kinda miss it, the feeling where u train with lots of people brings back memories of army days, when u suffer and enjoy with ur army mates, although now its more relax.

Okays, this came randomly, i was chatting about maturity and violence with mee kia they all during our usual la kopi session just now. Fighting and violence were a thing of the past for all of us, we never thought that we will get in a fight anytime soon, as compared to when we were young.

Thomas quoted his teacher once telling him one veri meaningful sentence : "When a person is 15 yrs old, he will determine which path he will be taking." Wow, how true. At least it applies to all my old time frends. There's this example of a notorious pai kia, where during sec 3, he changed totally and after a few years, he became JJC's top student. Like what they say, Lang Zi Hui Tou Jin Bu Huai.

That's the good example, the bad example is those people that will never grow up of that phrase. A sad minority still cling on to the notion that violence solves problems, which is never, and will never be the case in the singaporean context. Smart people will know, the pen is more powerful then the fist. U wanna play somebody, use brains and outwit them, not use fist and pound the fish out of them. We aint kids anymore, so unless its to protect your loved ones, never solve a problem with the fist.

Ah well, we discuss everything and anything under the sun it seems, and our next topic shifted to dick length, yes, u heard rite, dick length. Im not gonna say the details, because its not appropriate. hurhur.

Was shocked the hell out of my wits todae. Unexplainable.

Before i go sleep, i shall paste the lyrics of a very melodious song here for u peeps to appreciate. And dun be mistaken, it does not reflect anything or refer to anybody. hahahas! Ciaoz!

擦肩而过

歌手：李圣杰

我爱着谁
爱到我有点醉
告诉我你是谁
能够把我让我变不对
你不会累
但我却爱你爱得好累
从没有为了谁
不顾安危付出一切
站在这平衡点
我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见
只能够靠感觉

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

你听我说
你不要这么做
你不要看着我
说你已经知道怎么做
你很难受
我愿意陪你一起承受
只要你不怕痛
再多坎坷我都陪你走
站在这平衡点
我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见
只能够靠感觉

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

Jason's : Do miracles exist? Because i kinda need one now.

Nirvana-tivity

Long day todae, wasnt the best day in my life. I was on a momentary high just now, and im suddenly kinda moody because of something i heard just now. Why am i moody? I know deep inside, yet i dun wanna admit it and i cant say it out. I know im contradictory, but isnt life contradictory from the start?

Alrite, shall not dwell too much on it.

Projects are slowly draining the life force out of me, and im beginning to ask myself the epic question again, how to hell did i get here? Ah watever man. Im alive and kicking and glad to be that way. heh.

Dreams and hopes are what makes people great, or so i was told, but im not great leh. Maybe not yet lah, but the kinda person i wan to be in future is veri simple. A successful businessman who is refined and eludes charisma, yet at the same time a musician who is creative and writes songs based on people that i know. I will also take up photography, then travel around the world to take pictures of different places to form a huge collage. And not forgetting a good woman who will accompany through thick and thin. :)

Ah well, sounds kiddish and unreal i know, told u i was dreaming. But im working towards my goal, there's a diff between dreaming and working towards your dream. I chose to believe im the latter. :)

Recently some events shook the foundations of my newfound peace. And currently im trying to rebalance out things to achieve emotional equilibrium again. Ya, im trying to calm myself down and proceed with things a little slower, its going too fast too furious. Chill man, if its yours its yours, if its not meant to be, hao fast also will never be.

Jason's : Who is the one i see in the mirror? A reflection of myself, or am i the reflection?

Suicidal Choices

Todae i went honest, and finally broke the mystery and the news. Its been brewing for 1 yr plus, and when finally i told everybody, its so swuang. hahahass. And the feedback i got was my choice was suicidal. lolx.

Suicidal, i might be, but i just dun care man, i follow what my heart and instinct tells me. As usual, i expected lots of negative stuffs from everyone, but i kw deep inside, that if i dun even at least gave it a go, i will regret it for my entire life. Its just a thin line between bravery and foolishness, and i chose to believe that i am brave rather then dumb. yeah.

Im not the best man on the list, neither do i even presume im on the list. hahass. Im not big-headed to THAT extend. lolx. Im taking it easy this time around, i perceive myself as having next to no chance, so my hopes aint that high although i keep irritating those 2 people that kws this secret until they buay tahan and keep bursting my bubbles. :p

And therefore i once more say this again, my blog is open and without much restrictions, up to this point in time, those people that should kw have alreadi knew, and those that still dun kw will kw after this entry, provided they read my blog lah. Its too bloody obvious. hahahass.

Enough bout zharbo, as i said in the last entry, my fitness have improved alot, and i also see myself fitting better into my old clothes, todae i wore my sweater, that has been too small for me for the past 3 yrs, and its a good fit, though can still see my fats hanging around. opps.

I am slowly evolving yet again, as usual. Though i dun kw what kinda form i will change into, i highly suspect i will be still round and fat. hahahas! Fat or slim i dun care anymore ba, i just wanna pass my ippt. RT gave me a head start towards passing my ippt, giving me 5 points in 2 stations, and the rest of the stations most prob after training relaxingly for 2 months, i should be able to get 5 points as well.

I foresee myself running into financial trouble for my last 2 semester fees, so i most prob will be taking out a study loan soon. Something happened in my family, and im abit troubled by it, nonetheless, im old enough to understand the need to be independent.

I hope nicholas will strike lottery, i realli realli he will strike lottery. The reason i will not say, but if he strikes lottery, then lets just say i will be the happiest man in the world. hahahasss!

Jason's : Any guy in the world could do what i do, yet could any guy in the world feel what i feel?

Suicidal Peeps!

People around me are suicidal, and ah wei just told me his lesbian fren is uncontactable for 2 days in a row and the last time she was on msn, her nick was " Why didnt i die?". Ah wei was wondering what happened, and im kinda raw on this kinda stuff, because i have never handled a missing lesbian case. hmms.

I told ah wei to maybe go check it out from the gal that caused her all this misery, maybe she will kw. And ah wei was commenting to me nowadays, even gals hurt gals. Ironic hor? It seems in watever relationship, whether straight or crooked, peeps seems to be hurting peeps. And then comes the big question--> why?

I dun have an answer for that, but as for myself, i would rather be the one being hurt then the one hurting people. I will never do stewpid stuffs and ditch my gal, tat is for sure, the only ditching that will occur is when my gal ditch me. hahahass!

Okays, back on a serious note, i've came to an understanding about something, and im adopting eugene's mentality. Got means its a blessing, dun have also dun need to brood on it too much, anyways if its worth it, u will continue waiting passively. Notice i say passively, because if u're too active, u will become a pain in the ass. Noone wanna be a pain in the ass, trust me, i had experience with a few, and i screwed the fuck out of them.

Okies, todae as usaul, im a veri happy man. im mostly happy nowadays lah, cause there's something that makes me happy. Its obvious, people can see, and so i take it that the subject should kw ba. Happy is copied all over my personal dictionary now, but being happy is not enough, i wanna be blessed. Yeah, blessed, if u get the link with the paragraph above. hahahas

Enough nonsense, back to daily life. RT is working wonders, todae took ippt, and my running 2.4 improved by 2 mins, sit-up became 5 points, shuttle run became 5 points. The rest all failed, but pull up improved by 1. Might not sound much i know, but in just 2 weeks, its alot. I feel myself getting fitter and fitter. Wootz!

I like my new hairstyle, firstly because its cooling, and secondly because its neat and hassle-free, dun need to style the stupid hair for too long. Long hair is a hindrance to training too. heh. Tomolo morning im gonna go gym! Its time to do abit of work on my own, cannot keep depend on RT, RT is ending in 2 weeks time, so after that i have to persevere on my own. wow.

The time has come for me to be completely honest, whoever ask me watever questions, im not gonna evade and change topic le. Ask me, and i shall tell u the truth, nothing but the truth. Saw botak on the mrt todae, and as usaul, he's still the old botak.

Lets tok abit about botak shall we? Botak is a nonsense spouting poly fren of mine, who likes to tok lots of rubbish and nonsense, yet a fun person to be with. He's mouth is always full of insults and grumbles, yet deep inside he's a nice person lah. He always like to nag and scold stuart, and in the past stuart was labelled as the weak one in our group, second the kai cheong, the legendary 'weak one'. hahahass

But there's one thing i dun realli approve of botak, he simply likes to slack, dun bother to upgrade himself at all. The rest of our poly group didnt study much during poly, and we played our time away, yet now we all grew up and matured. Those studying, are working hard to get good grades, and those working are working their ass off to climb the ladder. And botak is slacking at home a few mth ago, currently he's working as some kinda part time slacker. Haiz.

Sad botak. I do wish he can get his mentality up to speed like the rest of us, he's still like a kid. Dude, if u are reading this, pls, im not dissing u man, i just want u to grow up into good men like KC, Wong, Kaicheong, stuart and me. U cant simply slack ur life away as an odd job worker man.

For a finale, i shall paste the lyrics of a song that rei recommended to me here. Its meaningful and has a deeper meaning to it, okay i just repeated myself. hahaass, watever man. So here we go:

"Angels Or Devils"
By Dishwalla

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

Jason's : Im kinda numb by reality, so i gonna need a alternate universe soon.

Crazy Fucker

Todae i went to cut my hair super short. I guess i finally bear to cut my long hair. I love long hair, but i need a change i tink, and im now contemplating dyeing my hair ash blonde and getting a ear stut. Im still considering man... i seriously tink im going crazy.

Tomolo im going to sentosa! Im going with meekia they all, to get tanned and chill out abit. This week's been too hectic for me, and i need time off from all the relationship confusion that's been bugging me. Yesterday wasnt so good, cause i kinda lost my cool. I lost my focus and therefore im abit crazy yesterday. Cutting my hair is one way to help me recollect what matters most to me and what i should concentrate on.

Whether she likes me anot, i tried and im still trying, its a thick wall they say, but to me, no matter how thick the wall, as long as i feel it's worth it then i will keep trying to knock down that wall. Nicely put its called perseverance and determination, but people chose to call me dumb and silly. Whatever they say ba.

Im abstaining from soft drinks from tomolo onwards, so without sugar, i will be abit restless and moody for the next month. Give it a month, the deadline is coming up soon. RT is ending in 2 weeks time and i still haven pass my ippt, what a failure i am, wow.

Will be brushing up my guitar skills from tomolo, putting aside 1 hr per day just to practice guitar again. Im gonna get a acoustic guitar soon, and maybe i shall be taking over rei's extra acoustic.

Sometimes, when you click with people, there's 2 ways to click. One way is the open chemistry, when everything u do and say is openly similar with the other party, that is open symmetrical chemistry. The second way is hidden parallel chemistry, where u and the other party clicks, but in ways that only you know.

A good example of open chemistry is kuku, she clicks with me to a very eerie point, and that's why i think having a god-sister like her aint that bad after all. The example of hidden chemistry, i shall not say who is it, but its obvious.

And before signing off this entry, im considering taking part in the dance club in skool, yes, dun laugh, i wanna go learn hip hop. But im waiting to see if the guys wanna join me as well, if not i will go alone. I know im fat lah, but fat dun mean cannot dance mah. Chill.

Jason's : Simplicity is a felicity of life, yet pride and prejudice dictate mankind.