Yesterday, was suddenly overrun by emotions in class again... dun kw y, i simply dun wanna tok. Silence seems realli golden sometimes. Im feeling damn empty now leh, i dun even kw y. Wat is it im seeking? if i cant define it myself, who can? I dun understand myself sometimes, its like i wanted to reach tis goal, and i worked hard for it, and when im reaching it, i sort of lose interest in it... y? Am i realli so fickle? hmms.....

The sun is shining down on me now, the warmth feels nice and relaxing. It sort of melts the coldness im feeling in my heart all this while. And im feeling guilty because ytd i did not hand in my accts assignment... im taking everything non-chalently again, and tat's good, cause tat's my trademark. ^_-. Why bother to rush together with the crowd? life's too short to be preoccupied with non important stuffs rite? ( shyt, im going to farking fail my U le.. -.-"" wat sort of cock tinking is tat? lolx.. )

My blog is like a entertainment to some frens... lolx... he says my blog is veri happening and is always seeking to see me blog on adeline.. -.-""" hahasss, u kw who u are gay shit. __
But it seems my frens are getting more and more, and tat means going out and catching up more and more, which leads to the final conclusion ---> NO MONEY.

i need to find a part time job, im jobless for 1 mth le... omg....sianz, knn the bo lui feeling realli sux. right now everyday im rotting time away... my lessons are like so few and far between sia, might as well go work earn some money...

Daily life is becoming routine le, and i will not and shall not endure routine life, i need a breakthru, and tat is wat i MUST do. later will go downstairs and run abit, cause i tink i need some fresh air ba. im stale for too long.. realli realli too long le...

Im just came back from clubbing at COCCO LATTE. lolx... its a dumb and small club..-.-""
but b4 i went clubbing, i went to eat dinner with my starhub frens. Adeline did not come. i dun kw the reason y, but im totally disappointed cause the main reason for me being there is her.
But its' a good move by her, she simply made me get realli disappointed in her. The feeling of affection for her is slowly being devoured by the disappointment. Alot of other ppl did not come also, but they do have valid reasons such as tuition and stuffs...

In the end, todae was the day when i awaken from yet another silly dream. Adeline in the end was not wat i realli wanted. Even when i sms her sometime last week, she didnt realli bothered to reply much. I feel tat she dun realli wanted to reply and simply dun want me in her life. She cant be bothered even as a frend. So in the end, i realli woke up to the fact tat its just me and im realli dumb to commit to such a person. She in the end was not worth it at all, she may be the perfect gal for me pertaining to wat i feel, yet in the end, she was not to be. Sour grapes, ppl might say, yet for me i kw sincerely tat someone who dun treasure sincerity isnt tat good a person after all. Im just the most naive guy she had came across in her life, tat is proven and confirmed.

When i went clubbing with elissa, i realised elissa was a thousand and one times better then adeline, although eli was just a frend. She's fun to be with and a whole lot better when it comes to responding to me as a person. But too bad elissa just treats me as a fren and not as a potential candidate, yet tat point simply reminds me tat a fren can treat me a ton better then someone who i did so much for. I dun regret doing all tat for her and even the scrapbook, just tat there's a tinge of sorrow tat comes with the understanding of adeline. Im not childish at all, its verified by my new frens at SIM, its just adeline simply dun wanna kw me better as a person and immediately condemned me.

Its simply unfair to me, she treats me so shabbily and yet my heart is still affixed to her. I feel so dumb right now, when i was on my way to meet elissa after the dinner with jiawei and company, i tot about alot of things, and on my ipod shuffle, the song
ZHI DUI NI SHUO was played. Its so fated, and tat will be the last time i hear the song and tink of adeline. Its time to get over her and get on with life, there's so many girls and i was so stuck up to be so devoted to her. I dun want another 'corinne' incident in my life. No more, period.

Right now, i have to learn how to live life all over again, and not be so dumbly devoted to someone who dun deserve it. She can realli go eat grass for all i care, because i have finally seen the light. Someday on some lonely nite, i might think of adeline again, but most of the time from now on, its going to be someone else and not her anymore. She wants me to give up? she did it, i finally officially got over her. Goodbye adeline. Sa lang hae yo is not onli for u anymore, its reserved for someone else tat deserves it. ^_^.

Tomolo will be going to study at dun-kw-where with the dumb kukubird elissa. lolx... i sms her alreadi she havent reply...-.-""" tat dumb bird cfm sleep already le bah... hahass... she dance so well tonite lors... normally see her like wanna sleep wanna sleep like tat, tonite she so hyper.. hahass... well well well, i saw another side of her perhaps? lolx.. hope she dun see tis, if not she cfm kill me.. :P

Wootz, todae is a tiring day... whole day of lessons... lolx.. and i didnt pass up my accounts homework... haiz.. amen.. :P

Anyways, in the morning, i went for business computing lesson, and i was late.. hahass... unusaul leh, i always on time de.. watever bahs, i shared com with elaine and i nearli died from lameness.. she is the crappest and lamest gal i have met so far.. lolx.. but its fun lahs, keeps u awake with her lame and cold jokes.. hahass... She's nice and sweet gal lors, she made sandwich for ah tan leh... siao siao.. so sweet of her because ah tan is sick.. *hint*

then in the afternoon, went for account class... hmms... nothing much except confusion in class.
i wore my new pullover and a pink polo to skool todae, and eli was commenting i look gay.... then vivian says not nice, looks veri weird... but im like no lors... its so decent and studious leh.. hahass, like those ang mohs in those high skool shows mah... then after skool hors, we went to eat at MEGABITE and the cutlet there was NICE... lolx.. the western rox over there mans...
went there with cherie, nich (pregnant), viv, lilin (hiphop gal), jiaying and alina and elissa(kukubird).. :P

Its sorta out of the ordinary that cherie was with us, cause she usaully sticks to glynis.. hmms...
after tat we went to play pool at clementi.. wootz... it was fun and i got to kw cherie much better.
she's a fun and easy-going gal and ya, she's attached but her bf like not so good to her.. hahass
i tink i should try to kw more of those low profile ppl in our grp ba... but glynis is realli hard to kw and get close cause she's like sooooo anti guys sometimes... hmms... and right now she's the onli one tat dun realli sticks with us sometimes... i wished she would just open up more and just join us more in our activities... hahass... but i read her blog todae and realised 3 or 4 guys again was rejected and pissed her off...-.-""

Tomolo im going to meet my starhub frens for dinner at marina south le. which meant i will see adeline. im trying to get myself mentally prepared for tat, cause it will be the first time i see her after giving her the book. What will happen tomolo? I tink i shall act as if nothing has happened and see if i still like her as much as i claimed ba. Time does change ppl and i have to reaffirm my heart's position.

Will sa lang hae you will be still said to her onli? or has it quietly changed to someone else? haiz...
nvm ba, shall watch and see wat sort of tricks heaven plays on me tomolo....

todae went to watch pirates of the carribean AGAIN. lolx... but nvm lahs, watch with my classmates.. lolx.

todae i got to kw a few more of my classmates better. hahass... elaine was realli farnnie and lame, buay tahan her.. hahass.. normally see her dun tok much de, she actually is SUPER lame.. lolx.. Then there's cherie... she abit dumb de...-.-.. watch action movie also scared, cover her face with her hands at those 'gan choing' moments... lols? its pirates lor, not some horror flick... hahas
The jeanette likes to hold the lift for ppl de... she's always the one to press the lift button for us, maybe her ambition is lift-lady? like those in japan de? L O L X

We went to minds cafe to play board games nxt, and its was quite fun lahs, we ended up playing jenga all the way.. hao wudi... k le, i go play game le.. hahass... i finally found the mood to play dota again... but its onli 1 match. lolx... and now, its still u and onli u adeline.... sa lang hae yo...

Tis few days, i've been reading someone else's blog. Its a she... she's a veri interesting gal and veri weird also.. lolx... but the funny thing is, she hates romantic ppl.... dun kw y... She hates guys tat care for her, she wants someone tat dun give a damn, and dun sms her all the time and stuff like tat... lols? so different from the normal girls... hahass.. but from her, i learnt a valuable lesson, girls come in realli different patterns.

Romance is not treasured by some, and yet at the end of the day when gals get attached, they complain tat their bfs are not romantic enough... im like duh... women are contradictary creatures and i truely believe tat. Im not saying im a super casanova, but at least i kw wat is qing diao...

Hmm, her blog realli sets me tinking... food for thought?
Question: Why are there ppl tat hate romantic ppl?

Possibility 1: Maybe they've been hurt b4 by some romantic guy tat turn out to be a jerk.
Possibility 2: Its built in his/her genes tat generally hate romantic ppl.
Possibility 3: He/she is crazy and jealous of the world because noone was ever good to him/her.

There's more answers to tat question and im not going to dwell there, cause tat would go too deep into the psychology of homo sapiens. ^_^
But its quite a waste because tat gal tat blogged tat is a realli pretty and fun girl, and yet mentally she's so extreme. Hmms... well, i hope she dun see my blog, if not she cfm kill me in
school. lolx

todae was a fun day. hahass.. celebrated alina's birthday and i was sort of the mastermind. :P
elissa was also my accomplice.... hahasss... we ge siao all condemn alina todae and she was like so
sad, then in the end after our lecture in the evening, we order pizza and everything to celebrate for her.. lolx.. hahasss... Life in U is getting fun day by day, and skoolwork also increase day by day... u can feel the tension in the air slowly building up. 0.0 But the sad thing is everybody went home after the celebration... sianz.. no other programs... -.-"" but nvm, go home early also good.

Went to jurong point with xuanhe as he wanna buy pencil leads, i bought 5 polo t shirts from hang ten in diffrent colours..-.-"" hahahass, but worthwhile lahs, i suddenly have tis thing for polos. The look damn guyish. wootz. But the best thing was, i saw my crush from poly days in popular! wow... she looks good sia, a red tube and a scarf... wooooootzzz.... but i dun kw her lahs, she's just a crush last time.. hahasss..
but seeing my crush, i realised 1 thing, my taste in gals changed drastically from when i was young... i've had a number of girls in my life, and they all are different patterns de.. -.-""
farnnie sia.. lolx, but none of them am i as sincere to them as adeline....
haiz, toking about her, im still missing her, i kw i shouldnt be typing tis here, yet i have the urge to just put it down here.... slowly and slowly, bit by bit, im getting over her, yet not completely at the moment... i admit there's now someone else in the picture, she's veri... lets say unique from other gals... hahass.. thinking about her brings a smile to me.. lolx.. she's like super lame lors... hahass...but i havent realli made any advances yet, because i understand the simple logic tat u have to get over someone b4 starting a new relationship.

i did drop a few subtle hints to her tat i find her interesting, and i tink things are fine so far. ^_^
Im not going to illustrate more about her, because tat would basically tell the whole world who she is.. -.-"" im not doing the same mistakes again... lolx....

But still adeline, if u're reading tis, i still like u alot. And the last words i gave u in the msg b4 i left starhub is still valid for u onli and i will not say it to other gals.... SA LANG HAE YO adeline...

Its been a long long time since i blogged. Its now july le. i gave her the bk tat i made for her on the 2nd of july b4 i left starhub.
I love her, there's no qualms about tat. And yet i kw i she shall never be with me.
Confidence has expired, hopes have died. Its time to move on.
Its one of those nites again, when the moon seems to hide and my emotions are flooding me.
Adeline is at NUS Union camp now, im sort of worried about her. Why am i still worried?
im supposed to have place 'everything' with the bk on her table when i left....
Im sort of surprised tat i have completed the scrapbook, cause i have never done something like
tis for ANY gal, even corinne...

Im bloggin now because i realli have alot of things in my heart tat i cant release...
I've known some new frends in SIM, which makes me tink about its farnnie how ppl from totally different worlds will get to kw each other and eventually become a part of each other's lives.
SIM, its supposed to be another turning pt in my life and im SUPPOSED to get over adeline.
Its realli hard, but im realli trying... realli realli trying....

Indeed, i have known a few gals in SIM tat are realli nice and pretty girls. But its realli not about
looks anymore, who can i click more with? Im clicking with tis pretty and sweet girl now, but i realli feel we're just frens. i dun kw y, initially im like 'tis girl is nice and sweet'... but after kwing her more, i realli feel tat we're just frens will do, reminds me of corinne...Im not putting her name here, im not dumb.

There's onli like 5 guys and ALOT of girls in our grp. And tat is not realli a good thing. People blabber on and on about going to a female dominated Uni and having loads of pretty gals surround u and so on and so forth. But wat the heck man, gals are also human beings lor, so wat
if ur're whole lecture theatre have like 70% girls? Its paradise for flirts and farktarts but for me,
having more girls onli reminds me more of her.

ARGH, wat the fark man, i tink i go sleep le, cannot take it anymore, fark the nite, fark the weather, fark the loser-theory. Im not a farking hunk and i cant tink straight now. I shall farking seal myself in ba, its the best option rite now. Moral of the story: Never like someone too much.

Im now looking for a boxing school to join.. i cant seem to find any around singapore..zzz... im looking for a kickboxing school or muay thai skool. Im now going tanning every week because its
so relaxing. ^_^. I need to forget someone, its takes time. She cant get over someone, i cant get over her, its so ironic yeah? anyways its 15 days b4 contract ends, i need to learn to be frends with her with no motive at all. I need to tell myself i dun like her tat much, so i shouldnt tink of her tat much. Its sort of working, although at nite, when i tink about her, it still hurts.

Time heals everything, and soon, i wont be seeing her everyday, so i guess i will slowly 4get her ba... i hope... I learnt a lesson from tis incident, tat is never sincerely love a girl, it onli begets shit. Being too good to someone is being cruel to urself. There's no need to be so good to a girl who isnt ur girlfrend yet, its just plain dumb. Girls like jerks, they dun kw how to appreciate a guy tat realli cares for them, so in the end, being a jerk rox. it fucking hell ROX.

Tomolo im working afternoon shift, so im going to wake up early to train. Im now into the next phase, its time to use my legs. Im hoping to come out with my own style... maybe i call it SOUL BOXING? lolx.. just dreaming lah.. im trying to divert my mind from tinking about her again. zzz... fuck it, i go sleep le, its starting again, im starting to be sentimental again... zzz...

Todae we spoke. Finally. But i choose to speak less to her, there's only 16 days left before the contract ends. Im finally finish the thing i wanted to do for her, it took SOOOOO long man.. hahass.. She's online now, and yet i chose not to speak to her, im starting to get used to life without her. i need to, because after the contract ends, i need to live without her in my life. Everyday i see her, everyday i get used to seeing her, hearing her and loving her. Although its
been just a short 3 mths, it made a great impact on wat i am.

I dun kw wat will happen in the future, i wanted to be her first bf, and in the end, its quite farnny how i actually ended up the last on her list of potential bfs. I dun kw wat made our relationship turn out tis way, yet i dun wanna kw exactly. I kw its something wrong with me, and i believe she also had a wrong perception of me. We just didnt have enough time to kw about each other, and her heart is locked by another guy. I dun kw who he is, and i dun wanna kw who he is, i just hope tat i dun see her with another guy the nxt time i go out with my frends. Witnessing the one u like holding hands with another person is realli wat i call suffering. I tasted it b4, and it aint a good feeling.

The end of the contract is a veri sad affair for me, and for her, i believe its the best thing tat happened to her because finally, im not there to bother her anymore. Being sincere towards someone is just dumb, and in the process, i missed out on communication. We didnt realli toked much in the end, i liked her too early and the whole thing just sort of spun out of control like a
tornado and in the end, i need to clear up the aftermath. Wat is done cannot be undone, yet time works wonders, rite now i have onli one option, to let time heal watever i have done. Up to tis moment in time, i never regretted falling in love with her, she says she's not a good person, but to me, i kw she's lying. Im leaving soon, 3 more weeks to go, as i said earlier, im leaving earlier then the others, and adeline will stay in my heart. I hope there's a continuation of our story, and may god bless tat our part 2 will be happy,and may her heart belong to me in future ba...

Numbness seems to be flooding me le. Hmph, todae is the 7th day she never spoke to me.
18 days more to go b4 contract expiry and the end of our story. I wish tat the contract would never end though, lolx, simply because of her. But we have to move on out lives, and in the end, im just a passerby in her life. lolx... i tink she likes her one of her senior ba, but i dun tink tat guy's a good guy though. Its my gut feeling although i never met tat guy. hahass :P (SOUR GRAPES)

Well well well, its seems the vicious cycle is repeating itself again, look at the entry 1 yr ago.. hmm, it seems eeriely similar... oh gosh, am i realli cursed? hahass :P
But look at it tis way ba, IF she was mine, and i pissed her off, most prob we wouldnt last a week ya? but i dun realli kw wat sorta of girlfrend she will be because i will never get her ba. :)

Sadness when driven to the end, will always result in a special sort of happiness tat u nvr find anywhere. Its the happiness tat is derived from despair and hopelessness. Its a happiness tat makes u smile at ur computer screen. Its a happiness tat makes the world seems small and non-existent. Im happy now, realli happi. I have never smiled a tear before, and the feeling is so strange, u smile at the screen, and u feel a sort of watever-u-do-is-not-enough feeling.

She's online now, and lets put it tat we didnt speak to each other ba. I dun kw wat to do, except to ignore the world. Let the world excommunicate me ba, im so happi anyways. Nothing else matters, as long as i can smile with a tear....

She's angry. veri angry. Although it seems she's angry over something silly and small, but she have been ignoring me for the past 2 days. I realli feel miserable, yet i kw its not simply because of wat i said. It has been too one-sided right from the start, i got to kw yet another fault in my personality. Ironically it was told to me by someone else rather then tinking about it myself.
I guess in the end, u cant realli see wat's wrong with urself. There's y we need frends, they're there to pinpoint and tell u where u erred.

Sometimes i tink i whine too much, and didnt realli made effort to correct wat is wrong. I onli kw how to be sweet and stuffs and say honeyed words, yet all these are just superficial stuffs. As a guy, one should not whine, a guy needs to kw wat he wants, and then carry on with life with a goal in life. Yes, i do agree people need to whine sometimes, yet how many realli do something about the problem? Problems need solution, and whining is not a solution. I whine tat i dun do same shifts with her, i whine tat she dun appreciate me, i whine tat i did tis and that sweet things and yet there's no return. But did i realised tat i did all those with a motive in mind? I just want her to be mine, and tat's being selfish, realli selfish. What about her feelings? ever considered her feelings? I didnt.

Although i still dun kw the real reason why she's so angry, maybe its realli because of the small thing tat i said earlier. But tis incident exposed another critical error in me which i have to change. Im just not prepared yet. I still have 1 mth to prepare myself, not to try to make her mine, (im just not ready for her now) but to change myself for the better.

And my mind and soul just received a new experience 2 days ago. When u tried to apologise to
someone infront of the lift infront of so many people, she simply told u 'i just cant be bothered'
and walked away ignoring u. Tat feeling carries an indescribable grieve and guilt. I did something tat is past redemption and apology. U just wanna die on the spot, and my heart just bled, it realli bled. Till now, it continues to bleed from the wound.
And on the way home, she toked to sebastian thruout the journey on the bus, she continued to ignore me and i was just behind her, she kws im looking at her, yet she continues to ignore me.
I realli dun kw wat i did so seriously wrong, I realli feel miserable and guilty. The feeling is worse
when tat person is someone u like. Its tat kind of u-wanna-cry-yet-u-cant-cry feeling. Do u understand?

.HURT.

.PAIN.

.DECEIT.

.DEAD.

I realli dun kw where to start. There are some things that i should not be saying, but im realli trying veri hard to seal it in. Im verbal by nature, and now im starting to keep things to myself.
The reason is veri simple, im simply hooked. In life, there's nothing more important to me then relationships, be it family or love or frends, i look upon these as the fundamentals of my life.
Being emotional is not a mistake, its not a weakness, im not going to change tat fact. I always brain-fuck myself, i totally agree with that. Everyone have something that keeps them going, and for me its love.

I can do endless things with love, yet things always seems to go the wrong way sometimes. I can continue to bluff myself, yet i kw wat is going on. Im confident, but tat seems a tad too over sometimes, sometimes changes are not realli for the better, its just the perspective tat u view someone. I cannot pin-point wat i feel and write it here, because im supposed to learn to keep things to myself. Someone once said i have a weak personality, is that true? I kw july i will be starting school le, i onli have 1 mth left till then, people tell me i have plenty of girls in SIM waiting for me, but do these people kw tat its realli hard to find someone tat realli suits u? Im beginning to understand a phrase 'the one u love the most will never love u the most' . Things dun seem tat bad, but i always believe in my instincts and feelings.

All along i always thought sincerity can go a long way, but its realli not true de, around me people have been telling me tat being sincere is nice, in the end, those people tat get good girls are people tat aint sincere at all. Im brain-fucking myself as i have said b4, but im realli tired, the whole week i've been working the morning shift. I've not been sleeping well because im waiting for someone to tok with online, yet im starting to feel tat im disturbing her.

Being sweet doesnt mean u're a nice guy and ppl have to accept u. Most prob she accepts wat u do for her because she just cant be bothered to tell u to screw-off. Im not supposed to want any returns when im being nice, because im supposed to be sincere, yet on the other hand, wat happens when tat special someone dun realli reprocicate? Yes, the 'thks' was there, wat else do
i expect right? I realli dun kw, but i realised tat in the end, im still the low confident guy tat i was in the past.

Y cant god be fair to me? Im just a whiner in the end, whining at the heavens and god for not being fair to me. Yes, i seem veri dramatic and have alot of patterns, yet who kws the solitude in me? The void in my soul? Noone, absolutely noone, not even my bestest buddy. I used to have people i can tok to over the phone. But they have alreadi left me long ago. Even my bestest buddy doenst seem so good anymore, we have grown up, and our tinkings differ. Im making people around me sick and tired of my whining, i tried to shut up, but they realised im diffrent and asked me wat happened... Is this realli wat i am? someone that whines and pisses people off? I tink I know there's someone, a someone tat wishes tat im doing all these for her, yet i realli onli have 'her' in my heart rite now. Im keeping quiet on the full details.

I realised tat she have suddenly became hot property, because she 'upgraded' herself, yet does she kw, tat i have liked her from the start? when she's just her? Just the basic her? I kw other guys are actually saying she's sweet-looking, but have they ever used their heart to view her as her? Im afraid, realli afraid, afraid tat i cannot stop the inevitable. I kw her heart have someone else from the past, yet im realli trying veri hard to feel tat position. I can feel it, yet i dun kw wat that someone did to her tat made her wat she is todae. The lock is starting to open abit i kw, yet i still need more time to open the lock, and yet time, ironically, is wat im lacking now.

Im still doing my 'project' right now, i guess i the end i wont give it to her as a reminder of our sweet start.
Im going to give it to her as a parting gift . . . a reminder of me, the guy that sincerely loved her.

Jason---> tinking too much.

Tanning, that's wat im going to do tomolo. hahass.. tml wake up then wash up abit, then head down to jurong east go tan. muahaha, hopefully i dun become a lobster ba. lolx :P
todae was supposed to go singing with the 'world cup' team de, but they last min backed out.
sebas say till got dragon got tiger, in the end still cancel lor, he's damn dumb. hahass..

Well well well, i've been training this few weeks, and i can see marked improvement in my speed and strenght. My fists are always burning after training, and that's good, means i realli did put in some effort. alritey, and now i realli have to praise myself for persevering for more then 1 mth, cause tis is the first time i didnt break off the determination to train. ^_^. Normally im damn lazy de, but now im damn religious in terms of training, simply because of someone. hahass :P

Im happy now, happy in a mature sort of way. The happiness is taken with a pinch of salt, because happiness might turn into tragedy. I realli cant read wat is going on now, im just going along with the flow. CHILL. . . Tis few days i've been getting quite close to llyod, hahass, he's one great guy, got looks although abit short, yet still among the better looking ones. Llyod isnt realli tat short, not like someone i kw :P, SHORT FARK. muahaha! (but im a FAT FARK...)
but the thing is, fat can train to lose weight, but short can NEVER grow tall. *EVIL GRIN*

Times have changed and i just realised my taste has changed too. hahass. I just realised wat a great change i had in terms of taste and likings. ^_^ . Wat changes i wont say, but still, i realli did changed, its the damn first time i realli did soemthing for someone i like, rather then tok tok and more tok. IM THE MAN. 0.0
I also realised tat some ppl might look good, but they are just fark-up ppl after all. There's tis girl in my office, a frend of mine was interested in her, but she instantly condemned him with no valid reasons. i mean, wtf? u look good then can condemn ppl? she dun even speak with him lor, i initially tot she was a kind and friendly person, but after the event with my frend, she totally turned me off. zzz she tinks she's some sort of pretty gal tat guys will die over her, yet she's too dumb to realise tat she totally failed personality-wise. DUMB GAL. She can NEVER hold a candle to 'her'. 'She's' the best! hee hee... :P

I will never ever cut my hair at a malay barber ever again...
kaoz, nin a ma, tat stewpid malay guy cut my hair till i look like a dog...
c buay sianz, now need to wait for the stupid hair to grow long then can cut again, i realli look like a dog now lor. Anyway hair aside, its been some time since i blogged. The reason being tat im doing somethings nowadays, something tat i have nvr done b4. EVER.

life's fine and dandy these days, i have came to accept that im going to leave earlier then the other guys and gals in starhub. Reason being tat im going to SIM and skool starts on the first week of july. I realli hope i will study well because i didnt realli put in effort in my studies all these 23 yrs. My hope now is to get the top student in SIM and hopefully get a good job after graduation. The fees are not cheap in SIM and i kw it, because i personally handed the 5.4k for 1 semester over at the payment counter. -.-"

Im not going to tok much about my love life nowadays, simply because i've learnt to be low profile. Love is not something to advertise to ppl, not to show how romantic or noble u are. Love is about 2 person. That's it, just 2 person and noone else. In the past im naive and childish, i tot telling ppl about wat i did for her and wat i went thru for her will show how noble and devoted i am. That was so dumb, i finally understand y im single for 23 yrs. Everyday im learning something new now. There's someone who can realli educate me, because she kws so much tat i dun. i realli enjoy toking to her, simply because she showed me a part of me tat was lost during sec school.

Life is like a fleeting image, every second tat we go thru, we can never get that second back again. But the thing about time is this, it will always remain inprinted in us for yrs to come.
There's alot time can do, or should i say there's nothing time cant do.
I can conclude that in the end, the true god is Time or Chronos as the greek call it.
Nothing can escape the grasp of time. Absolutely nothing.

Mission 1: Cut hair (My hair SUCK)
Mission 2: Increase Training Toughness (When the going gets tough, the tough gets going...)
Mission 3: Hit my target of 8 punches per second (Fight like the wind baby...)
Mission 4: CLASSIFIED (TOP SECRET)

okie, so tat's for todae. all these 4 missions will commence with effect tomolo. Dun bother asking me bout mission 4, its classified. period.

The reason im blogging now is because my stewpid sister is hogging the toilet. she takes AGES to bath lor. zzzz, anyways, ytd i went MOS, and guess who i saw there? weichee... lolx... i didnt realli dress up ytd, cause i went there straight from work, and i was actually hoping tat u-kw-who would take the mrt home cause i could have some time to tok to her, and well well well, fate played me out and her dad came to fetch her... wtf? hahass, anyways im getting used to tis sort of thing, cause like i said, i woke up. I like her still, yet im not obsessed with her, i may speak about her and tink about her, yet i dun breathe her. get the idea dude?

MOS was boring, realli boring for me at least, cause well, my mind wasnt realli concentrating on having fun, hahass, im tinking bout some veri veri serious stuffs, something tat i shouldnt be tinking about.. zzz.. Its a sin, a realli big sin. Im not going to illustrate on tat thought, because its too immoral. :P... The gals at MOS are the typical prototype, so its realli boring, all wear little clothes, then dance and try to act hot, but im like --> DUH, u're not even close to u-know-who lor... Then there's tis auntie who is serene's frend, and she's like 40 plus and PURSOSELY go shake butt infront of vincent.. LOLX... we were on the dance floor and vincent was like utterly turned off. HAHAHAHASSSS its so farking funny tinking bout it.. DAMN ITS FUNNY.. LOLX
then on the cab on the way home, vincent was recounting to me how disgusted he was.. lolx..
but i was also quite dumb lah, we were dancing and i unknowingly backed up towards the a 'waterfall' decoration, hence i was drenched.. = ="" knn ah wei and vincent was laughing their heads off lor, EVIL* frends...

MOS was realli a place full of veri different ppl, i saw a singh with a turban, a uncle dancing ago-go with trance music, a girl who is cup A-minus and wears tube which she keep pulling it up, a few she-males, a few aunties shaking fats, a group of underage guys trying to act cool ( totally lose to me, cause i was like slacking on the chair and am DAMN COOL :P) and a few dumb farks
tat totally didnt kw wat they were doing.. hahass.. its fun when u're ppl watching and tinking how good u-know-who is compared to those girls there. Looks wise she might not win hands down, but to me, she's perfect. hahass :p

fark man, i need to bath. i tink i go bath ba. farked up, im going to kill my sis! BRB

梦非梦，实非实，

红尘一撇，辨真实。

他非他，我非我，

人若清醒，苍天笑。

缘非缘，份非份，

幽风落叶，伴黄昏。

蓝新翔 --- 五月 四日 零六年

Wake up. That's wat i need to do. Im always slinking into that stupid dream again. I keep daydreaming about going how far and how far when i havent even stepped out. That's so damn dumb of me. veri veri dumb. People around me are getting sick and tired of me, tat's wat i tink.
They want me to wake up, yet im like caught in a strange and recurring dream tat is so hard to wake up from. Im always like tis, i always tink too far when it comes to gals i realli like, im just a farking dreamer tat always tok too much. Right now im still stuck in this phrase and im actually not supposed to blog this shit out, yet im too pissed with myself tat i have to put tis down.

I kinda read thru my entire blog 2 days ago, and i realised i learnt alot about myself tat i have never known. 2 days ago was 2nd of may, i went back and checked out my entry on the 2nd of may last yr, and i realised i was realli so damn dumb, yet at tat moment, i didnt saw how silly it was. The only ppl tat realli understands love is blind, they dun use their eyes to judge ppl, they judge using their hearts. Im beginning to understand tat, yet i cannot fully comprehend tat fact.
Looks are realli primary in my pursuits, i tried to lie to myself tat i realli like how she is and wat she is, tat was realli so dumb. She's above average and fits my bill, hence im interested, yet she herself kws the fact tat i dun realli like who she realli is.

I've realised wat she meant by un-compatible was realli referring to my mentality and motive for wooing her. 2 of my guy frends in starhub had a conversation with me tat day, and i realised tat i tink realli differently from them. Im not a fark-and-go person, maybe im naive, maybe im childish, but i just cant do wat they want me to. Is a fark-and-go attitude realli the gist of maturity? When u go after a girl onli wanting to lay her?

The problem with me is i farking listen to too much emotional songs, i farking hell am too sentimental and i tink too much, i always imagine tis and tat, till i myself am lost in my own fantasy world. I finally saw wat fark things i have been doing, yet can i change? Is it too late?
I might seem confident, yet deep within me, im realli a veri weak person. Im proud most of the times, yet when it comes to relationships, im veri veri insecure. I say tat im tis and im tat, yet did i realli do those things? WILL i realli do those things given the situation? I always tell sebas and the others wat i WOULD do for her, but WILL i realli do those stuffs? FARK ME MAN.

Im just another farking loser on the block, and i sort of wanna change tat. My attitude is damn lousy, my determination is rubbish. Im 23yrs old, and i need to grow up, grow up fast.
My msn title is also full of shit, i ALWAYS farking hell put wat i feel on msn, its so farking obvious and it goes to show tat im a man with no depth. Happy or not, keep the shit to urself and onli let them out to maybe a few ppl, dun need to go around telling the whole farktart world who the fark u like or wat the hell u feel. Ah wei and richard were right, they were my best frends tat have been with me for like 10yrs plus and i KNOW they're right.

In the end of the whole thing, i realised tat the realli fucked up one was me all along. Its like shouting murder and im the actual murderer. Now, before i actually go and like someone, i need to do some catching up with myself. I need to catch up with the real jason, the one tat was realli infront all along, im just his shadow, always choosing to lie behind him. This all started with huimin i guess, from then on it went on the peifen and then jiayan then corinne, and now finally adeline. Im sorri, not sorri for wat i did, but sorri for wat i turned out to be. I will never regret wat i did in the past, i do not have time for regrets, my time needs to be used for catching up as i said, to catch up with the real JASON...

Jason --- 4th MAy --- 大测大吾。。。。

Its been 2 days. Silence continues. I realli cannot apprehend even after pondering for 2 days.
Dark clouds surround me. The wind chills, and despair beckons. My arrogance and confidence drained. Im like a zombie. Im happy, its only on the surface. I've learnt to keep things to myself.
Noone kws how i feel. Im lost, my soul is lost. How many more days can i survive like this?
I have to put out a brave front. i dun want her to kw. I ignore, i avoid, in the end, the throbbing pain is getting unbearable. Maybe i shouldnt have started in the first place. By decree of the heavens above, im not suppose to love? everything in life is going reverse. Im naive. Im childish. Im too emotional. Im too sincere. God made sincerity a sin for me. Sincerity is a sin. a huge huge sin.....

'Its not a matter of giving chances, its a matter of compatibility'

Pls define wat is compatibility. Compatibility is the ability to accept people for who they are.
In my dictionary, there is no such a thing as in-compatibility. We are not that far off from each other anyways. I dun wish to dwell more into this issue, im not going to do write anymore romantic stuffs or watsoever anymore. My actions are weird anyways, no point acting silly when
i realised i am.

A guy like me, doesnt realli deserves this type of treatment, when ur're so good to someone and u totally threw away ur man's ego, which made me seem so girlish. I keep whining to people around me, im just so useless during tat period of time. I must stop whining and farking hell get on with life.

Im now undergoing OPERATION ABSTINENCE. Its in phase 1, and i sincerely hope it succeeds.
There are 4 vital points that must be resolved, and once i reseolved them, phase 2 shall come into place, and when the 3rd and last phase come into the picture, im more or less there le.

Thanks to yiansin and puan and guoliang and sebas and zhiwei and richard for being there to let me whine to. ^_^, appreciate ur patience guys and girls.

Jason ---- PEACE AND TRANQUILITY ---- 心如止水

A picture says a thousand words....

Creative? hahass, im bo liao (bored) , so i try to come up with something creative ba. I guess u all kw wat tat means without me explaining. lolx.. :P

to puan -----> i reply u here le, happi? lolx

hmm, tomolo off, should i go swimming? or should i stay at home? Anyways, the plan is up le, i tink i try to do something nxt week ba. hahass. but sometimes u just dun kw wat to say or chat with the girl u like rite? :P

Always got this veri funny wall de.. hahass. But its kinda hard to speak to someone with a fear of pissing her off leh. wah lan a, im damn dumb when it comes to tis lor.. i can tok so damn well with other girls, yet when it comes to her.... haiz... fark god man, y must he do this to all good guys tat just want to be good to a girl?

watever lahs. i am god, screw the world. muahaha. :P im abit crazy todae, cause my mood is a tad too good ba. dun kw why, im naturally good mood. lalala. tis is all crap man... im typing crap cause i reali realli am abit delirious now.

Aiyah, im veri 'luan' now, i dun kw wat the hell im tinking. CAnnot take it le, i go listen to 'Wo De Xin Tai Luan' ba...

(Actually im waiting for her to come online, she didnt come online so im abit sianz. lolx :P )

Hot nite, damn hot nite. something is wrong with the weather tonite, its so strangely hot.
hmm, i feel bother, yet assured at the same time. Hmm, im now starting to formula something to start a business with. I wanna be a successful man by 30 yrs old, even if im studying, i can still tend to my little business and build a network of contacts first, so tat by the time im out, i should be able to go into larger businesses.

Should i become a importer of exotic goods? or should i just start a normal ebay business net? Actually, i've been tinking of a veri veri lucrative business, hahass. Lets do something tat im REALLI REALLI good at ba, how bout we plan and put into action romantic 'stunts' ? i start a company tat specialises in doing romantic stuffs for gals? guys can hire us to do various stunts, and i can OVERCHARGE them, muahaha, guys are soooooo stewpid when it comes to love mah, can cheat alot of money.. hahasss ( i was and is still one of them dumb guyz...-.-"")

Not a bad business hor? i mean noone have ever done tis thing in singapore, and then for little stunts, we charge around $500 ba, then for those big scale ones, maybe $1000 will do. ^_^.
Then if the guy gets the girl, he have to pay us additional 'commission' of 10%.
LOLX :P. I will be so damn rich by the end of the yr.. hahass.
Lets see how things goes ba, maybe nxt time, my company name will be symnonimous with romantic love. ^_^V


Life is full of surprises, and wat surprise me tonite is i have ran out of stuff to write.....
im like ---> wtf? i cant tink no more? hahass no lah, i just prefer to dun tink so much nowadays, cause tinking too much is realli bad for health. hahass

Well, but i can tell u one last thing before i go off. A girl looks the cutest when she closes her eyes and rest while sitting in the bus. hahass... then when u look at her, she kws, yet still pretends not to kw... lolx... so cute... :P

hmm, im bloggin again in the middle of the night because i realised i've been veri veri dumb...
i listen to wat my frend say, and i actually had a misconception of her.... Sun had wronged Moon... I dun wish to delete wat i have written as a testimonial of how silly i've been.
It has been a HUGE misunderstanding all along, she's as cute i imagined her to be.. hahasss...

But anyways, its quite ironic tat we actually got closer and i got to kw her more in this way. hahass, from tis misunderstanding, i got to knew her better and better. Well, watever the route, wat matters is the destination ba. Understanding a person naturally is the best and onli way to know a person completely, purposely going to understand her will onli result in deeper misunderstandings...

I dun blame anybody for the wrong information, i had it coming, i chose to listen rather then finding out for myself, so im just lucky tat i got away from deeper misunderstanding tis time. Im now starting to be a better man. Hopefully she gives me enough time to change my bad points ba.

Jason --- The man tat have listened too much and toked too much....

Have u ever realised wat u want isnt realli wat u need?
The above comment is pertaining to 2 issues here...

The first is regarding my rejection by NTU, I received the letter yesterday once i reach home. My mood was actually quite good, yet once i realised tat i have been rejected, i realli felt damn sianz, the feeling is even worse then being rejected by a girl. I felt my future suddenly felt so uncertain and hanging in mid-air. What will i become? Where will i go? But after some quiet moments yesterday ( abeit a lot of advertising on MSN to my frends...:P) , i have plotted out another road for me to travel down. My dream is to be an entrepreneur, hence no matter wat or who i become, my dream remains, the dream to give the best for my loved ones. Im a impractical virgo, my life long dream is to build a cosy yet comfortable house in the everflowing plains of switzerland, and spend the time there with my wife. And around the house, i shall plant my wife's favourite flowers... Yupz, im childish and immature, yet i kw how to realli love a woman, do u?

The second issue is actually sparked off a chain of thoughts after something tat happened in the morning todae on the way to work. I dun wish to say wat happened, but i realised tat wat i have always wanted, wasnt wat i realli wanted all along ba.
Do anybody know tat kinda of pain, when u realised wat seems perfect on the outside, isnt realli wat u want on the inside? The despair tat Sun felt when he realised tat Moon and him wasnt realli meant to be? Althought both of them are round, but they realli belong to different time and space? When they are realli made up of different composition of materials?

Time can heal, tat is wat Sun learned, yet he cannot fathom. Initially Sun thought by knowing Moon more, he can actually learn wat kinda material is Moon made up of, yet the more he knew, the more he realised tat they dun fit as one. Sun was vexed, realli vexed, he dun understand why he feels tat way and wat wrong he did, but Sun realised in the end, tat the problem didnt realli lie with him.

Sun is dumb and silly, yet he can accept people for who they are, and Moon is the exact opposite. Sun likes Moon alot, yet he also can see the reason within, which goes to show love isnt blind after all. Sun tried veri veri hard to know Moon and tried to find the glow and warmth of her heart, but in the end, something was sealing in everything. The lock needs a key, and a key, is wat Sun lacks. Should Sun forge a key? He could ask Time for a key, but wat if the key doesnt fit? Would he find Time again and again? What happens if Sun actually repeatedly got keys from Time, and one day, he realised someone else had opened the lock?

Sun likes to tink, but he is not childish and immature. He just needs to be understanded, will Moon ever tell him wat keys to take from Time to open her heart? Moon once told Sun to dun bother trying to get the right key, yet Sun isnt just a passerby in Moon's life. Sun wants to be a part of Moon's life, Moon shall never know the things Sun wanted to do for her, the happiness he wants to bring to her. Moon did not reject Sun, but its Sun's mind tat is singing a different tune from his heart. . . .

Will Moon ever realised tat Sun was realli such a person? Someone who realli wants to be nice to her? Sincerely? Moon must learn to realise tat she is not almighty, she's not always right, there are times when we must learn to accept other people's ideas and not rebuke them on the spot.
Sun is not criticising Moon, he cares for her, hence he wants her to comprehand that logic...
Moon shall never know Sun, simply because she didnt even noticed Sun in that sort of way.
Sun knows he's dumb, yet he's willingly dumb for Moon. Time blessed Sun with the appearance of Moon, yet Fate shall always be the barrier tat forbids... Will Time overcome Fate? or will Fate triumph over Time?...

Finally i finished writing the story between Sun and Moon. Will Moon be angry after reading wat Sun felt? Hmm, but personally i feel wat Sun wants is for Moon to understand. If Moon is offended, there's nothing Sun can do anymore. Sun is damn stupid and silly and childish and dumb yeah? ^_^...

Anyways, todae i boxed again, lolx, my knuckles feel sooooooo sore lor, i can even feel the pain sia, dun kw y, most prob my wrap is wrong again.. == "" stress sia, i cant even train for long sia, my knuckles ache after like 1 hr of punching lor, gan pua lousy. I SUCK. T_T
But yesterday was fun, hahass, i went swimming and tanning yesterday sia (0.0), long time never swim le, i still as good as ever.. lalala.. i went with stuart who drove us there and then after swimming we went to eat BAK KUT TEH, MUAHAHA, its so damn nice lor.. hahass.. I didnt like stuart in the past, i find him abit pessimistic, yet yesterday i totally understood him and accepted him. I realised my best asset is to accept ppl for who they are, unless they are like the guai lan raymond in office, he shall feel the fury of my fists one of these days... :P

okay ba, enough le, im writing a farking composition lor, ta ma de, machiam writing GP thesis like tat, hahass... alritey, i go off le ba, blog too much tomolo nothing to write.. LOLX :P

Tonite is another nite when i have tat feeling again... cold lonely nite and im here tinking about things again. hahaasss.... hmm, if u have frends tat keeps telling u negative stuffs, would u in the end be negative? would u trust ur instincts and observations more then ur frend's feedback?
seriously speaking, i would rather trust my own instincts and fail, than listen to people's feedback and fail. its my choice anyways. if i have chosen a road to death, i would accept it because its my choice. ^_^

now the issue of my maturity comes into the picture again, hahass... i kw normally im childish because i act in tat way infront of ppl. they say maturity emotes from within, but let me tell u tis from my experience. u will never kw how some ppl think because they never show it. im a open person, yet at the same time, deep within me, who realli kws me? Most of the time my childish exterior turns ppl off, but if they are willing to stay and find out more about me, then these are the ppl tat's realli worth making frends with, because they are the ones that realli wanna kw u as a person. they dun judge a person by its cover first.

Im a tactless and silly person, i might piss ppl without realising it, yet in the end, when these ppl try to kw me better, i actually became veri good frends with them. hahass, they stayed behind and was with me thru some things, and in the end, they realised tat im not tat silly after all. ^_^

i dun kw why im saying all these here, because wat matters most is in my actions and not my blog ba. i totally understand yet still here i am, bitching on these silly things...urm... am i gay?!?

alritey, now back to training, todae i hit 5 jabs per sec man! yeah! i guess after 3 mths i shal hit 8 hits le! ^_^... slowly but surely, im getting better at tis! hahass

on a final note --> Confidence is wat makes or breaks a man, its a veri veri thin line....

Alritey, life went back to normal le. FINALLY. hmm, todae was quite happening, hahass, i knew 3 new frends tis few days. guo liang is tall and gay, but he's okay lah, veri man, like me..:P
then there's puan who is 'quite' short, yet she's also quite cute at the same time.. hahasss.. her bf is even cuter sia, he's like...frodo?(JOKING...:P) hahsss... im not gay. :P last but not least there's wanni, who is sooooo lame sometimes lor.. hahass, but i like lame ppl, they're fun. ^_^ ( im lamer then her, so im the LAMEST ^_^ V )

But todae, someone from the tech side pissed me off totally. I transferred call over and he jittao attitude problem lor. Knn he heng i dun kw wat he looks like, but i kw he's in the office de. i shall keep a look out for who he is, then c how guai lan he can be. wanna guai lan bring it on! NO FEAR. ^_^ V <---( childish yet oh-so-manly...)

And well, the best news is this----> i have retaken boxing again! yeah! and im now in the conditioning and hardening phase le. muahaha.... im training nearly everyday once i reach hm, so im gaining speed le, hopefully can reach 8 hits per sec AND god bless the stupid bag dun drop down ba.... but the side effects are also starting to show le lor... my knuckles are abit painful cause i train everyday, and the ointment i use seems to make my hand's skin peel sia... i dun kw if its expired? LOLX... the best part is tis---> i lost around 3kgs le lor, and i just started like 2 weeks ago? Tis week off most prob i will be going to swim ba, its been like aaaaaagggggggeeeeessss since i swam lor, i also wanna sing ktv also leh, i wanna sing CAI HONG TIAN TANG... so touching the mtv, the FENG mtv and it is both linked, i watch both le jittao touched sia... tis type of thing could happen de meh?...

Hmm, sometimes life is like a roller-coaster. it can be VERI VERI low because of some veri complex things, yet it can go up perpenticularly because of some veri simple things.... ooo how i like life and it's ups and downs... *_*

As the final willows fall to the ground,

the birds shall chirp no more.

With each and every silent prick,

my heart shall beat no more.

Teach me, o please teach me,

how do u open doors that shall open no more?

The man might seem mighty and great,

but in the end he's just a boy.

Thousands acres spread beyond me,

when can i ever halt the travel?

contradictory i might seem,

but the truth is within.

A whift of arctic breath descends,

quietly freezing watever tat is left.

Death creeps upon the still-living,

as livid as the path we walk.

Have u ever seen the moon cry,

when it can never ever see the sun?

Eyes, they are the windows to a soul,

but wat use are they when her soul is not with her?

Time shall and always will,

bring back what she has given away.

yet the windows will never understand,

the soul tat was with her all along.

sincerity flows like a river,

it goes deeper and deeper.

until it can go no longer,

where does the water linger?

rain, it always brings memories,

memories always brings longing.

and wat does longing brings?

longing brought me despair.

AS THE FINAL FLAKES DESCEND UPON ME,

I REALISED TAT SOMEONE IS LOST.

SHE CANNOT FIND A WAY OUT,

BECAUSE SHE'S IN MY HEART.

15th April 2006,
Jason Lam

Todae, i finally got back my com.... the motherboard died on me 4 days ago... tat's y i was not online for sometime... tis few days alot of things happened. i realised tat im abit abnormal tis few weeks.... i tink something came over me and possessed me... my memories of the past just swarmed over me and overflowed onto someone else.

Now i tink i just live my life as it is, because there is no rush to do anything now. hahass, i told her everything and sort of settled out stuffs le lor..:P... but she;s still veri cute lah, maybe after we become better frends and i get to kw her better, i MIGHT like her as HER and not someone else? hahass...

my heart is now at peace le, finally i settled tis silly mess i made.. hehe...

Todae at work, i did something silly again. hahass.. i again transferred a call to my own department.. = ="" tat was so silly yeah? hahass... right now, im feeling abit emotional, dun kw y, maybe it was the nap just now at around 6pm? hmm... napping seems to make me soooo sensitive all of a sudden.. ^_^... since im emotional, i made a poem dedicated to someone who im actually trying to find out more about right now.... well well well, there's a secret hidden in the poem, try to see if u could see wat the secret is? ^_^

Dedicated to her.....

As the winds cascades past my face,

Deep within me a lonely soul raced.

Each and everyone of my senses moved,

Love have just descended upon the truth.

I have never known it could be so strong,

Never have i felt these strands of longing,

Every now and then, drawing me to you.

so did u find the secret? hahasss.. its quite simple actually, its dedicated to her. :P

i recently stopped playing dota everyday, mostly because i wasnt as interested in dota as toking to her. toking to her can make me quit dota, tat's cfm. I didnt even play my PS2 now sia, everyday just listen to songs, lie down and slack or box a few rounds... maybe games dun realli interest me tat much le, im much much more interested in FINAL FANTASY, if u kw who i meant. hahass....

but im never a person to harbour much hope, because the higher the hope, the harder u shall fall when it fails u. I've learnt it the hard way thanks to corinne, and i wont let history repeat itself again. When a guy loves a gal too much, its always catastrophe tat happens in the end... noone should loves a person too much, because over-loving onli makes the hearts bond too tight together to beat normally.... i have a tenancy to do just tat, i kw it hence im trying to prevent myself from being too good too her, because in the end, im just a guy tat is afraid of being hurt again... is she the one? will she change me? can she heal the scar in my heart?

Is She My Yuna/Rikku/Rinoa? <----( whichever she prefers.. :P).......

Hmm, sometimes, im realli not certain about the stage of maturity im at man... sometimes i seem so mature, yet sometimes i seem so childish... wat is the determinant factor for maturity? i realli am clueless to who im realli am... am i having split personality? omg... but i realli do have to do a status check man.. i dun kw y suddenly i have these kind of thoughts, but i guess i do have to reduce my fun loving side abit... im a tit bit TOO fun loving.... hahasss...

i have 2 faces actually.. haass.. when im with a grp of ppl, i tend to come across as a childish and fun loving guy, but when im with a girl alone, im a totally diffrent person.. hahass.. but girls always tend to miss out the second part of me because they deduce im a childish guy from first impression... lolx...

watever bahs.. im typing tis cause i suddenly have a urge to write down something. hehess.. ciaoz...

hmm, ytd i was so damn pissed.. lolx.. for something realli childish lah.. but seriously, i realli cannot fall for a girl. I will start to tink alot about her, then will result in my tinking too much.. = ="" i suspected my frend of backstabbing me sia... though i dun kw whether he got do it anot lah, but i tink he wont lah, he's a nice guy... lolx.. then ytd i just get REALLI pissed for the whole nite man, i cant even sleep.. im like --> wat the fark???!!? hahass.. well, i got over it after tinking awhile le... i mean, come on lor, so wat if he toks to her on msn everynite man? they're good frends mah, EVEN if she in the end likes him, tat's HER choice mah, everybody have freedom to choose one. So in the end, i learnt tat im just a sadistic pessimist.. = ="".. lolx.. u nvr know how much u can learn about urself whenever u do some self assessment.. ^_-...

so we come back all the way to the girl issue (yet again...zz).. lolx.. tis time, the girl is adeline.. = ="" starting i didnt realli notice her much, except tat she looks like my first love.. hahass.. but never did i kw as time passes..( 2 weeks in fact.. lolx) , i actually began to fell for her.. :P... maybe its the resemblence? anyways, i tried to sms her abit, but she didnt reply sia... but whenever we're face to face toking, she always seem so warm... hmm... i dun kw wat is wrong here, but im not going to dig out the details.. i rather let nature take it's own course ba.. so im not pushing anything from now on, we are working different shifts nxt week, so tat means i have a week to tink over wat i want. ^_^ V

But i tink from now on, i try to tok less and be less 'sunshine' in office ba. I should be a bit calmer.. lolx.. :P... so late le, i go sleep le ba, cheers for my growing up after tis incident and CIAOZZZ!!! *.*

Girls LOVE tis type???!!

The typical Bad Boy:
1) is cocky, arrogant
2)always puts himself first
3) is inattentive to a woman's needs
4) does what he wants when he wants to do it, regardless of what anyone else thinks
5) acts like a loose cannon
6) struts his masculine sexuality
7) isn't even remotely a "nice" guy
8) treats women badly
9) often uses women for sex

The Bad Boy exudes untamed masculinity, independence and confidence. To women, these traits -- especially confidence -- are an aphrodisiac. The problem is, in the hands of the Bad Boy, confidence becomes selfish arrogance. But women are responding to guys like this on a purely elemental, emotional level.
Just as men are turned on by a woman's femininity, so too do women respond to overt male masculinity -- and the Bad Boy has it in buckets. What's going on here is that she's having a gut reaction to his confidence and male strength, and is blind to anything else.


Dial up the independenceAct as if you couldn't possibly care less about getting women. Never change who you are to please a woman or in the hope that you'll get her into bed. Get involved in your own life and your own interests. Make plenty of time for male stuff. Your attitude should be: "This is who I am -- if you like it, fine; if you don't, leave."
Don't show emotionsBe indifferent and don't show you care. You should have a poker face at all times. Remain mysterious and don't let women know what you're thinking. Keep them guessing.
Furthermore, ration your words and make sure everything you say has a purpose. Don't volunteer information. Simply answer a question if asked.
Put the kibosh on crapRefuse to tolerate any female BS. When she tries to test you, don't give in -- tell her to grow up. Don't be afraid to say "no." Stand your ground, or simply walk away from a situation.
Get her off the pedestal. Run the relationship by your rules, not hers. If you don't agree with her, say so -- don't be a doormat in the hope of getting laid. And if she doesn't like it, show her the door.
Light your fireBad Boys are all about sexual confidence, and women appreciate confident lovers. So don't be afraid to let your natural masculine sexuality shine. This doesn't mean you should go around leering at female chests all day, but you should be comfortable and confident about letting a woman know you're attracted to her without becoming a pawing jerk. And when you do step up to the plate, make sure you know what you're doing in the bedroom.
Make yourself scarceFor women, guys who are too available are boring. Bad Boys are selfishly independent -- they aren't desperately hanging around women, hoping to get tossed a few scraps of attention.
Women always want what they can't have, so make yourself busy and scarce. Be a mystery man. Be unpredictable. Be a challenge -- let her do some work to get you.
Turn on the confidenceBad Boys always assume that women want them -- insecurity has no place in their personal vocabularies. This is the exact opposite of the usual male desperation. So your attitude should be that you're the catch, not that women are doing you a favor by talking to you.
You can't afford to be too nice -- catering to women, agreeing with every word they utter, paying for female attention (all things Bad Boys don't do) -- because women see this as "weak" and wimpy.
Be decisive and don't hesitate when talking. Don't second-guess yourself after you've made a decision. Voice your opinion and don't worry about offending others.
bad boys, bad boys


(Extracted from askmen.com)

Hmm, should i be a good 'bad boy' ? LOLX.. :P

Sunday. Tomolo im working in the afternoon, so i can sleep abit later.. hahasss... Yesterday went to Club MOMO to have fun. Which in fact we didnt realli get alot of fun.. = ="" But okay lah, at least i got to kw a new guy called vincent. lolx... another lame guy. The music at MOMO is realli different from those past tehcno clubs we went to.. hahasss, ah wei and me actually was quite out of place there cause we are more towards techno... :P. I wasnt tinking of going down actually, cause ah wei actually had a change of plans. But in the end, lets just say i managed to persuade them to tag along with me.. hahasss...

Hmm, life is quite okay nowadays, though im still quite poor. hahass.... I went to SIM yesterday afternoon to register for business management course. There was like tons and tons of babes there man... lols? But in the midst of doing all these things in my life, i realised one veri important thing... im still single.. = ="" hahassss, people always say being single saves u alot of money, but y am i still so poor after being single for so long? hmm, food for thought.... :P

The day before, i bought a green and blue striped polo from bossini. I sort of like the colour combi so i bought it on the spot. Nowadays my fashion fetish is polo t-shirts, ESPECIALLY abercrombie ones... omg, i realli realli want a few of those.. o_O...

Tomolo im going to wake up earlier to practice my moves abit, i realli hope that stupid bag wont go flying again...(most importantly, i MUST be able to wake up... hopefully....:P)

Todae i finally fixed up my punching bag again. Im going to start boxing once again. Im currently working in starhub now because i was sacked by the eyerelax new manager arthur. i sincerely hope arthur gets run over by a car one day, he dun die also useless. He sacked me because i was too verbal, everyone is afraid of him but im not. He issued a lot of silly rules like commission is onli payable if u sell 25 units per mth. wtf? he's completely stupid and senile, an old fart tat has nothing better to do. Watever the case, its still thks to him tat i got out of energie eyecare and went on to find a job with starhub.

I was quite impressed with the working atmosphere in starhub. its realli friendly and people there are so warm. I got to know a girl there called adeline, she looks REALLI like huimin sia.. hahass...(huimin's my first love) But she's veri fiesty and veri unlady-like....reminds me of the sassy girl... = ="" But watever lah, hahas, she's just a frend after i analyse my feelings. So now im kinda looking out for a good girl to come along ba. I dun care who she is, where she's from, as long as she's worth it can le. :P

Todae i got my final pay from energie eyecare le... 196 nia.. = = ccb.. so little... then i went to bought a polo shirt that is size M.... i too fat, cannot wear... zzz im tinking of changing the size tomolo sia.. lolx

Lost my shaver todae, damn sianz... my stubble have overgrown le, now damn itchy, i need a shaver, then i realised i lost it.. = ="" i look like a convict sia, although look veri manly, but its realli damn itchy... Tomorrow i need to go town, so i definitely need to shave. This few days abit boring, nothing much happen. I finished my stint as a promoter for eyerelax last week, now im a customer service executive in the office, but they havent told me when to start work man.. i tink most probably is nxt monday ba... hahass.. i was surfing thru frendster when i found this veri interesting equation.. lolx...

By right: NO STUDY = FAIL , STUDY = NO FAIL .
Which means: NO STUDY + STUDY = FAIL + NO FAIL .
Then: (NO+1)STUDY = (NO+1)FAIL
Therefore: Cancelling (No+1) from each side, we get -----> STUDY = FAIL!!!


LOLx... so funny sia.. hahass.. The equation actually further proves tat nothing in this world is absolute. It enforces the Chaos Theory's fundamentals. There is Order in Chaos and there is Chaos in Order. Come to tink of it, it actually links into the Theory of Relativity by Einstein. lolx... Nothing is relative yet at the same time, everything is relative... hmm... i tink it also branches into human psychology and emotionalogy too. hahasss... watever ba, im actually veri interested in Physics since i was young, i came out with a few theories of my own when i was in secondary school.. :P... But i cant take physics in university sia.. sad man. Hmm, gtg sleep le.. nitez...

Yesterday's interview was fast and quick. hehe... i sort of rejected the job ba... they wanted someone with a passion in designing machine parts, which i dun have, hence i told them my interest was in sales. ^_^... i can lie to them, but i choose not to, im a honest man. My family's pressuring me to find a job, but these things cant be rushed, its my future and my career. Im formulating a business plan now... hmm... working with a tight budget is realli difficult, but im starting to get a rough picture already, i guess i need around 5k initial capital... Im currently doing some research on how to go about setting up a business in singapore. hehesss...

Im saving some money so that i can go to hong kong for a holiday cum product hunting trip. i will need around 1.5k... haiz... money is always hard to come by man... why cant i be born into a rich family? lolx.... serene's birthday is also around the corner somewhere in febuary, which means i need money AGAIN.. haiz... what the hell man, money realli spins the world. = =""

I've decided to further my studies after considering for like a month? hahasss... i've applied for a few courses in NTU alreadi, but i tink my chances of getting in is next to nothing man.. i have like... 2 As , 4 Bs , 9 Cs and 19 Ds..... wat the fark man? lolx... if i realli get in, i will swallow my monitor on the spot. :P hahahasss.... But i do have a back up plan, which is in the VERI possible case of me not getting into NTU, i shall apply for either SIM or other private universities... haiz...when a man is stupid, he cant realli have a choice do he? lolx...

I tink im going back to work at eyerelax man... haiz... its kinda sad, but since im furthering my studies, i cant find a perm job now, so i have to settle with a temp job. haiz...

Wootz, Gong Xi Fa Cai! HUAT AH! Muahaha, now is chinese new year le, and todae i just went to collect ANGPAOs! Yeah! Todae was a nice day man, i saw my cousins ( They are DAMN hot lor... omg, can cousins be together? :P *Joking*). Hahass, todae's taking is around 100+bucks onli... haiz.. so little sia. But this money's gonna tide me through the first mth of my job, so cant anyhow spend. BORING.... I wanna go eat seafood platter leh! kaoz, i've been 'lusting' after it for 1mth plus alreadi, i realli realli need to satisfy my desire. :P Maybe someone can blanja me? You reading tis RX? LOLx...

Well, yesterday i found out why i didnt contact one of my primary skool frend for so long. I just remembered i didnt wanna contact him because he dun allow people to use vulgarities infront of him. OMG, i mean, come on lah, we are all guys lah. I admit using vulgarities isnt realli glamourous, but im a man who have the courage to show the real me to people when i interact. I realli feel people that dun ALLOW vulgarities are veri hypocriptic(i kw, there's a spelling mistake :P). He reminds me of stuart, another hypocriptic frend of mine. People like these tink they are a cut above the rest, but wat they do not kw is, they are cheating on themselves. Im not stereo-typing them, but its the truth, i've encountered a number of tis type of people. Stuart is among the worst of his kind, he always tinks he's veri gentlemanly and he's always rite, but he's ignorance will never bring him anywhere. May watever god he believes in bless him, because without tat blessing, he will never make it in life. ^_^"".

I just reached home after watching HUO YUAN JIA. Its a realli meaningful movie and in fact, its quite nice. ^_^. Martial arts is to instill discipline and character in a person, its not a tool to achieve personal objectives. I myself know how it feels sometimes when u r so pissed with someone until u wanna beat the shit out of him, but i learned to always reflect on the misunderstanding from his point of view, which means i always question myself before i blame others. Im not perfect, but at least i KNOW im not perfect. ^_^.

Well, tomolo i gonna go my grand-aunty's house to 'bai nian' le, so i tink im stopping here le, damn shagged sia, todae went so many places..= = "... tomolo also dun kw wat to where leh, must be presentable at least as a form of respect mah. And one more thing, unknown handphone numbers have been sending me greetings sia, i dun even kw who are they man, y cant people identify themselves even if they are just passing the silly chain-msgs? lolx... watever lah, nitez! ^_- *GOD-LIKE!*

Whole day at home. Rot. Im dying. Omg, i so poor now man... hopefully tomolo the job agency get back to me, i need a job veri veri badly man... hahass... i checked up on the SIM tuition fees ytd from peifen. Its like 5.6k per sem ... damn ex man... then there's like 4 semesters which totals the amount to 22k+? kaoz... Its so ex lor.. and there's transportation and daily expenses leh.. kaoz... i tink minimum need like 40k? omfg.... T_T

I've been sleeping veri late these few weeks and im like veri drained mentally... i've been tinking on some issues these few days b4 i sleep at nite. Girls always take me as a veri good frend rather then a prospective boyfriend, the question is why? After some pondering , the answer is actually quite simple, im juz too good to the girls i like, and i dun realli express wat i feel for them until its too late. They dropped hints which i never realli saw them coming. gosh.... Its realli ironic when im like the love guru to the guyz and they always asked me for ideas when it comes to gals, but in the end, my love life is so farked up. LOLx... The worse thing is, the ideas i give to them ALWAYS works. I myself knows how to treat a woman like a lady, but i basically didnt have a chance to realli have a girl i can call my own... The feeling of holding someone's hand and sensing the warmth of her palm meeting my own palm is like 2 hearts becoming 1. This feeling i know, i once held the hands of the first gal i have ever loved during my sec 3 orchestra camp. hahass.. we were playing a game and she volunteered to partner me although im realli realli fat then....
hahaha :P I remember i turned realli realli red man, hahasss, but she's veri encouraging and was leading me thru the dance. LOLx... its realli sweet memories and these are the bits and pieces that makes life worthwhile. ^_^. But wat the hell man, she's getting married soon to the guy that was my love rival then. You know wat kinda feeling tat is? The first love of ur life is getting married to another man? hahaha, its a bit bitter yet sweet because you know she will be leading a better life then she would have been if she was with you. There's also a nudging pain that will never subside man... but watever lahs, im a man, so i must learn to live with all these.

But that guy's rich mah, so basically im nothing compared to him.. = = money makes the world goes round. hehe. face the facts, these are all the facets of life.

Alritey, its time i go sleep le ba... hahas... whoever is reading this, feel free to tell me wat happened to your first love ba. hahass.. :P

(And one more thing, im also glad to have known you RXrocks. LOLX. :P)

Todae went orchard with richard to buy clothes (he buy, i alreadi bought. hehe). Didnt did much lah, just walk around the stupid town which doesnt realli have much apparel that interests me. The clothes are so BORING man... all the usaul stuffs, none of them realli appeals to me, so common. We went to TOPMAN initially, then we proceeded to far east plaza----> wrong move, far east sux man. After walking for sometime, we went to SUBWAY to eat some torpedoes. MUAHAHA----> EAT FRESH!

There was this 3 girls tat came and sat beside us, and they were quite hot lah. lolx, 3 pretty ladies man, but i didnt do much oogling though, im more interested in my sandwich. :P

Hmm, i gtg dota le, later then update ba. :P BRB!

Alritey. hmm, yesterday nite, i had a VERI VERI VERI interesting dream.. :P As usaul, i dreamt of a girl again.. *DUH*, but she's a veri special girl. In my life, there used to be a few special girls, but this time, its realli realli intriging...

Well well well, the girl is someone most of you people tat watch TV should kw.. lolx... She's in a talent show now, but i actually 'knew' her earlier during my poly days... She's one of my crushes during that period of time, lolx... i was still a 'kid' back then, which lead to me being more in the timid department when it came to gals... hahas...anyways, she's REALLI REALLI cute with HUGE eyes and i was sorta surprised when i see her on TV a few mths back.. ^_^ But come to think of it, what would happen if i got to know ALL OF MY CRUSHES back then? (For your information i had like 108++ crushes during my poly days... i know its OVERWHELMING, but hey, im a kid back then yeah? :P)

Anyways, although i know she's sorta unattainable now since she's now a mini-celebrity, i still like to tink that no woman on earth is unattainable... hahass... might sound abit overconfident but when u realli analyse the logic behind it, its realli true. No matter how beautiful a human being is, he/she will need someone's shoulder to lie on and most of the time, tat shoulder belongs to someone who doesnt realli have high points in the looks department. ^_^. Its a simple fact of life, when something or someone is beautiful, insecurities will be present, and interesting enough, people will seek to avoid that sort of inseurity which lead to their lowering of their basic requirements of a future partner. May it be looks, talent, money or personality, its realli all crap in the end, wat matters is WHEN AND WHERE in time they got together. let me illustrate on what when and where means:

When: The correct time period. There will be time when a human's emotional defenses are at their lowest, and this is when u need to strike. Be there for him/her at the absolute correct time, and you will capture his/her psychologically 'correct' feeling. An example is when some sort of tragedy occurs in some unearthly time when EVERYBODY seems to have disappeared, and at this silly time, another human being of the opposite sex appeared and tide him/her through this brief moment of pain, and shows affection not-seen between good friends, tis will trigger a reaction in the sub-conscious of the subject to tell him/her that this person is someone who will always be there for him/her. This theorem is not 100% true because there will be variants present. Sometimes, depending on the mental structure of the subject, the reaction triggered will be VASTLY different. But in this world, no risk no gain, hence judge for yourself when is the correct time. ^_^.

Where: The location where the reaction triggered took place. Lets call the reaction 'CHEMISTRY'. Everybody have a pre-determined level of affection for every location that they've been to or had seen in their life times. A veri good example is most people when asked about PARIS, they will link it to ROMANTIC. So now, 'researching' needs to be done to see what type of location will yields the best results. A good hint is the way he/she talks, derive wat type of cathegory she/he belongs from his/her speech patterns. When you get the location right, the neurons will automatically simulate the relevant emotions hence dramatically increasing overall positive emotions about you. But the best is to get the answer right from the horse's mouth.
(Seriously, i asked a girl where will be the most romantic place to pop the question and you know wat she told me? At the top of a #Ferris Wheel.. = =...)

#Ferris Wheel : A popular ride in the theme park which resembles wheel and spins vertically
VERY slowly.

What i have derived and explained above are simply little extracts from my life philosophy. They are based on what i went through in this lifetime. The conclusion is simply---> no woman is unattainable. Even the most beautiful woman in the world will succumb to the charms of a man who is a good 'CHEMIST'. ^_-. (I have personally not attained that level of skill simply due to the fact that im fat. *DUH)

Next lesson: Watever i feel like preaching. hehz..:P

Tampines at 1030am.... todae i went for an appointment. haiz.. this few days, i've been getting alot of interviews from insurance agencies... prudential and AIA is kinda like swarming me with so many offers to be an insurance agent man.... But insurance is realli veri veri boring leh... if u bo sales = eat dung. -.-" But the other companies which i sent my 'wonderful' resume to havent reply me leh... 1 week le sia... still bo reply.. haiz... So should i or should i not take up this insurance career? o_O watever lah.. haiz...

Saturday im going to have lunch with gil and company at cineleisure! yeah! FOOD! But RX not going leh, abit disappointed sia.. lolx.. u read tis sentence gal? TRY TO MAKE IT? TAKE EARLY OFF from your job? lolx... i kw u will read tis line. muahahahaha! But if realli cant make it then dun force yourself lah, i dun want u running here and there like a mad woman.. lolx.. :P

Tomolo im going to SHOP le! yeah!! im buying new clothes for the new year! YEAH! i aimed a levi's shirt for 1 week le, tomolo i go buy, i tink got 20% discount! yeah! :P but jeans abit ex leh.. i not much money to buy.. T_T..... haiz... y am i so poor man? god hates me.. i knew it....T_T...
(God, if u realli like me, please let me find a high paying job can? MUAHAHAHA:P)

I've planned how to spend my first paycheck after i found my new job EVEN BEFORE i get a job..= ="" I will enroll for a car license, buy a pair of cool shades and TRY TO WEAR contact lens... LOLx... i seriously suck at putting on contacts, but fraid not, i've got a optometrist frend who can help me! yeah!!! (Im getting abit drowsy... i need sleep... so i might spout some irrelevant stuffs... = ="")

Cannot le, i cant bitch anymore, i gtg get some sleep, im dying... = ="" nitey nitez!!! ^_^

Finally, a chapter in life have been closed. im now looking for perm job le, i got my pink IC last friday, so i've resigned from the promoter thingy yesterday. The short stint with energie eyecare benefited me alot, i realised good people are still out there.. lolx.. This 2 weeks of sales also let me see alot of customers, some good, some bad, but most importantly, how to handle them. hehe... Tomolo i will be going to uncle gin's company to take a look at the enviroment and to discuss a job with him, hopefully success ba.. lolx... i also found a few interesting job offers on the net, but i juz formatted my com, so my com have no MS word sia.. knn cannot send resume, they onli accept MS word format... -.-"" watever it is, i also looked up BMW 3 series the price le.. lolx... 150k+++ sia.. which means i need to pay around 1k every mth...-.-"" sad... in the end after some pondering, i decided not to buy car le ba... save up the money, invest it. lolx... a car is a liability, it will NEVER earn money and i will ALWAYS waste money. haiz... anyways taking the mrt is fine, i can see gals mah.. :P...yizhang is abit crazy man, lolx, he asked me wanna join him in becoming a singer anot sia.. hahahaha, but he say we go sing seven-mth concerts..-.-"" this whole passage is like a essay lor.. hahaha... but watever it is, tis is to catch up with the huge lapse between each entries... hahaha :P. I knew some good frendz from my promoter days, lolx, among them ruixian (she's hot, in a way lor.....im saying this because she MIGHT be reading this... omg... = ="), gillian (she's short :P), donovan (the magic man) and trey(something's wrong with his brain.. muahaha)... lolx... they are all great people to be with man... i needa keep in contact with them ba.. hahaha... life's starting to look great, now wat i need is a good job in a good enviroment with good people to sum it all up. yeah baby! forget about girlfrendz, lets wait for them to come n kw me ba... i totally give up on going after gals le... if they like me, pls tell me. :P hahaha... k le, gtg le lah, im going to watch my TIAN LONG BA BU vcds le.. lolx.. niteZ!!

Todae i was a little bit sianz. im now working at jurong point guardian as promoter for EYERELAX mah. I work like a dog throughout the week to push all the sales to saturday and sunday, but knn the company send a gal down todae to 'SHARE' my commission... i mean, wat the fark man, i tok and promote to these customers then when they come back i have to share the commission? Worse thing is, the gal didnt even make a effort to get more customers, all the sales today was my previous customers that came back lor... kaoz, fark it man, i sms the manager to tell him i wanna work alone tomolo, if they still dun care, i tink im quitting le. PCB, my leg damn pain now, stand so long till so tired. The gal is quite average looking but too bad, i dun care much bout gals anymore lor. Anyway quitting at this time is also a good move, because next week im getting my pink IC le, so most probably i would be getting a proper job as a sales engineer or engineer in a proper company ba. Hmm, finally its time i came out to work le, i realised its a new start to my life because i would be slogging through the most part of my life from now, but i realli look forward to wat will happen in the future, no matter its bad or good. hehe.... :P

oooo, hao jiu mei you blog le... hmm... i didnt blog simply because i dun have any things to blog about..-.-"" i nowadays ALWAYS at home leh.. where got things to blog sia.. lolx. well lets c, i last thursday went back to camp, n i saw garrick. he's fine in the morning, but in the afternoon, i knn wanna beat the fish out of him sia.. knn.. He now tink he sgt big fark, always bully other medics. ccb, he dun dare to bully me lah, because he knows im a dynamite. but i c the way he tok to the medics i also knn tulanz. He better watch wat he do tomolo, if not i sure give it to him one. pcb kia. i shall show him wat is TRUE POWER. -.- __. Watever, fark him, tomolo im going back for sean's sake, he's getting his IC tomolo. Im STILL looking for a job by the way, i called a few companies le.. but hor, one of them nvr write wat sex they need..-.- i called n found out they were selling women's shoes n need salesgal.... but i wont mind lor.. hahaha.. :P. Now that the avian flu is spreading so fast, i realli need to retink alot of things in life. Alot of chances have came my way n left without me knowing it... now that i recall n reflect on them, there's tis tinge of regret in my heart. y didnt i take up the chance then... omg... T_T

Last saturday, richard told me to go 'walk walk see gal' with him at city hall... he say got he in deep shit, so i went down lor.. but hor.. he smoke me one, he brought me to a network marketing company... but i not tulanz with him lah, he told me his problems so i juz tagged along n help him lor. im such a good frend hor? lolx... But he dun have to bluff me mah, haiz. Watever it is, i went there n know some new 'frendz' there, but for me, i tink onli one girl is truly sincere when toking to me one, the rest all wanna 'snoop' me.. -.-"" well well well, someone as smart as me will be tricked by them? nah, they tink too much. i countered them. lolx.. i spent 4 hrs there without buying anything and signing any papers.. hahaha.. i juz leech there n let them tok till they happy, they seriously tot i was very interested. even my frend had a rude shock when he saw me so friendly with the ppl there that he tot i also had been brainwashed.. :P too bad, a man of my intellect is juz too much for them.. :P hahaha.. hmm ,but there are like 2 to 3 babes there sia.. lolx.. one is called victoria (who resembles huihui) and one more called jess ( she's realli cute but realli old.. i tink she's 28...) . I didnt c the others tat much but well, the guyz there were hopelessly boring..-.-"" ( except for a few).

I long time never went singing le... haiz.. wasted sia... hmm, i tink nxt week when get money then go sing ba... im praying for payday! muahaha.. MONEY MAKES THE WORLD GOES ROUND...hehe...

Clearing leave now... veri veri slack sia.. omg, i tink im rotting le... haiz... Whole day sit infront of the computer, i tink im going blind soon. Hmm, wanted to find a job, but once i told them im still holding 11b the all jittao reject..-.-... ni nia a..

Jay's new album out le, although i never buy, i got download.. :P The songs inside all quite nice sia, i especially like the hei se mao yi, but all also nice lah. haha... Juz now yi zhang suddenly sms me call me go for gathering in december sia. lolx.. he's my primary skool frend and we're like so many yrs nvr c le.. haha... then he added me in msn and i saw SOOO many primary skool frendz inside sia. hahaha.. these guyz n galz used to be with me in primary skool man.. how i missed them :P Im still veri veri poor nowadays.. haiz.. waiting for this thursday when i get pay.. i realli realli need to cut my hair..-.- its realli realli long le. haiz.. im like a caveman now.. haha..


These week suddenly got alot of programs sia. thursday im going for a la kopi session with some of my primary skool frendz and friday im going for a beer session with uncle sam and the guyz in camp.. haha...

Hmm, wat else to write leh... urm... i went to watch TOM YUM GOONG last week, tony jaa is realli realli bian tai one, he can f*$king jump so high..-.-.. inhuman.. siao ki na... Todae ah wei went to cisco academy le... haiz.. he cock one, go sign on cisco again... he finally got out from army after 4 yrs and he go sell his freedom again... kaoz... he todae go cisco academy machiam like BMT like tat sia... can only book out on sat and sun sia.. kaoz.. u can kill me but i will NEVER ever wanna sign on to ANY uniformed careers... -.-"" im a man that likes to travel, which means i cant stay in one place for too long (home and singapore is the onli exception).


I also went back to NP for the family concert last week too. hehe, go back look for frendz and gals mah. :P... anyways, i realised i didnt know much ppl there sia.. kaoz.. all the familiar faces never go for on reason or another. I alone there sia, but heng i found those REALLI OLD alumnis like zhihui , eugene etc... lolx..


Sean is not going back to camp anymore le.. haiz.. this friday i alone go back camp.. sure very bored one.. jiu ming ah.....i tink im the onli old bird left in camp le, all the old birds ORD le... omg, y am i so slow to ORD? Haiz... life sux.. :P Who reads my blog anyway rite? haha.. :P Watever ba, im writing alot this time because i soooooooo long bo blog le.. hahaha... till nxt time!!