Volatile

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~~~~

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ARGH~~~~~~~~~~~~~

haiz.....

Out of focus, bothered, vexed, unsettled, me.

Prophecies

Sometimes u can learn alot from dramas and songs. I've been mellowed out by the korean drama 1st Shop Of Coffee Prince. Though life does not always happen like what is reflected in the dramas, u do learn some things that ain't realli that common.

The songs in the show were quite nice, and i especially liked 'For Awhile' and 'White Love Story'. The show's quite lame but there were touching moments lah, the way they handle relationships in the drama was quite fresh to me, the methods were mature, yet a childish tinge surrounds it all. Dun kw how to explain, watch it for urself. And thanks to the frends that introduced me to this top rated drama.

'For Awhile', i guess tat's wat i needed and what i got. No big deal anyways, its just for awhile. Chiding myself along this line of thought, the numbness sets in and the grey skies cleared. Been raining these few days, and i always have this childish thought that whenever it rained, the heavens is shedding tears at my unfair plight. hahass, its damn silly right? I know, but still its just me n my lame brain. :)

I've asked edward about piano lessons rates and he was telling me its $100 per mth. Expensive, cant afford, so i gonna pester my sister to teach me for free. Saxophone lessons are simply out of reach financially, so its gonna be postponed. Did some research on getting my license and though its more expensive, i guess i will take the school route. Hi BBDC, i will be the next donating money to u ppl.

Next mth i wont be as free as i am now, i foresee. Once the thing is launched, i will be quite busy hopefully, because that signifies we have lots of customers and money is rolling in nicely. Vickers account is going to up by then, which means the profit i get can be further invested to generate more income. Will the prophecy come true? The prophecy that i brought back from my japan trip? Dun kw what that is? let me explain.

When i went to japan a few yrs back, i went to this buddhist temple that is labelled as the most holy temple in japan. And i kinda looked around with a few frens, when i chanced upon this prophecy praying area. U simply get a cylinder and u shake till a stick drop out from the cylinder. After getting the stick, u remember the number and went to fetch ur 'lot' from the shelf of prophecy lots. My lot is 'bad initially, then good afterwards'.

It states that i will have a streak of bad luck for the start, and after i endured through the hardships, things will get better in future. I guess until now, its accurate all the way, i never ever have my wishes realized, and things i do dun go my way. One of the most depressing line is written as ' The person u are waiting for will come, but it will take a long time.'

And so i have a choice, to discard the prophecy, or keep it. In order to pray against the prophecy, i need to get to a tree behind the temple and tie the slip on the branches. Or if i choose to keep it, i need to keep in with me until the entire prophecy comes out true. If u guys wanna see the lot, just tell me when u see me, i always keep it in my wallet.

Jason's Simplicity : Just another frend. :)

废话

这世界公平吗？这二十四年来，人生给我的答案很简单。 世界根本没有‘公平‘这两个字。 ‘公平‘只是我们为了平息自己而想出来的两个字。

慢长的岁月，教导了我什么是诚意，什么是真心待人，但他也告诉我什么是失望，什么是痛苦。可能很多人都觉得，简简单单的放手，试着忘记，明天起来，还是美好的一天。 我也很希望爱情真的是如此容易放弃啊。。。


西边的落叶，
是否能飘到东边？
所谓的爱情，
真的需要火花吗？
傻傻的男人，
永远不是时间的对手。


我第一次用华语写废话，感觉真的很爽，但是很他妈的慢。 真不懂那些中国仔为什么能打那么快。 他奶奶个熊。。。

杰生的名语：无聊的人，会做无聊的事。 我真他妈的无聊。。。。。哈哈哈！

吃香蕉？

Boring Entry

Lets see, what shall this entry be on? Life? Nah, that's too complex. Love? Nope, its too disappointing to even think about. Money? Sad to say, im not fated to co-exist with that phrase currently. And so i guess there's nothing to blog about? No lah, cfm got stuffs to comment and complain about one mah.

Training dun seem as hard for me nowadays, i should up the notch more, self-torture is the way to a beautiful body. :) And since i've been on some basic conditioning these 2 weeks, i guess its safe to embark on the next phrase ba. Should be, maybe, can be.

Im gonna find out how to join some CCAs in skool, especially those with saxophone or singing as their selling point. Yes, u heard rite, CCAs man, its been sometime since i was associated with that 3 letters. hahas, im even considering dragonboat, but have to go kallang leh, sibei far leh. Haiz.

I have so much hobbies now that my time seems to seep slowly away from me, gone were those days where i literally rot my time away playing games man. I cook fairly well nowadays, but baking wise im still kinda rough around the edges, maybe need expert help?

Dreams and ambitions, 2 factors among the many that determines what makes or breaks a man.
Change happens slowly yet certainly, either make do with the certainty, or dwell in the horror of its certainty.

Jason's Simplicity : Money. Money. Money. How naive were those that dun believe in it.

Theories Of Evanescence

My birthday was yesterday, and hereby i once again thank those people that have been wishing me thruout the day ytd. thanks guys and gals, totally appreciate it.

Meiting was nice enough to get me a slice of cake for my bday, jiaying gave me a packet of half-used tissues, jeaneatte gave me a postcard she got from outside canteen, and lilin wanted to give me AA batteries, which i politely rejected. LOLX!

My sister gave me a t-shirt, and my youngest brother gave me a shirt. New clothes are always a welcomed gift :) Other then tat, its quite uneventful on my birthday yesterday, simply because the entire day was taken up by lessons.

Its astounding how much each of my birthday differs year after year. And as i looked back year after year, im getting wiser and wiser year by year. Though im none the richer, i went thru alot personally and all these things never fails to entertain me.

The winds of time can never be halted, as is the hands of fate that can never be compelled.
Complexity always serves as a mask to hide some unspoken ignorance, and i once again i preach simplicity. I remembered i saw this phrase somewhere before --> Simplicity is the Felicity of life. ^_-

(Thks R,G,E,X,F)

Jason's Simplicity : Naivity, the essence of innocence, the root of sympathy.

Memories...

Jason's Famous Quotes : A silent entry for a silent me.

Did You Know? : This is the last entry about our story.

CCM

Am i becoming an otaku? A defender of the home? lolx! Todae i almost whole day rotted at home, morning went gym, then noon went to jurong point to help my sis carry the new oven back. And once we reach home, i went downstairs to buy ingredients to bake my veri first batch of cookies. :)

I got the recipe for choc chip macadamia (CCM) cookies and therefore set forth to make the cookie paste. Its kinda like a combined effort between me n my sis, i manually beat all the ingredients and she took care of the baking. Each of us wanna bake for somebody, she wanna bake for her bf, and i wanna bake for... hurhur.. :)

And then i went to source for new recipes that i can try with my new oven, and pork ribs came to mind. St Louis pork ribs from Cafe Cartel~~~ Woo~~~~ Sad to say, i cant find the specific recipe, but i got this recipe that is quite similar to the formal, so i jotted down the details and will try it soon. I even posted a picture of the ribs courtesy of allrecipes.com. hahaas!


















BBQed Baby Backribs.... Mouth-watering~~~



3 more days to my birthday, and i have nvr looked forward to my bday like this before. After my birthday, i most prob will be in either one of the 2 extremes of emotions : Damn happy, or super sad. And hence i wanna tell myself, no matter what happens, take it in your stride. ^_^

Training wise, i dun feel much improvement in the performance department leh, though the definitions of the muscles are starting to appear, i still dun think i improved much. How to pass ippt like tat man? i still have 2 mths, so i have to step it up a notch. Training is now an everyday event if my schedule permits, and the only off day i give myself is sunday. =.="

Jason's Famous Quotes : True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

Did You Know? : A man that is well-groomed, has a career, is rich, cooks well, nice, romantic and has a 6 pec body only exists in dreams...or is it? hurhurs~~ :)

Winds Of Change

Long long day todae. Went for lessons in the morning, then rushed to sentosa in the afternoon to work. Though we called it work, its more like going there to play and enjoy ourselves. hahahs! Went there with nicholas and met up with 3 gals at the tram station. They were ah tan's frens and i have to admit, they're quite pretty. hahahas~~~

So we started work at the event at sentosa. I was in the tele-match team and therefore had to do alot of shit work. But no complaints lah, when i work, juz work lors. My mentality towards work is simply " just do it". No point complaining so much when in the end you still have to do it. The pay is not super impressive, but the main purpose is having fun there with ur frens while u work.

End of the event, my shirt was totally wet and smelly. I feel damn healthy todae, because i didnt eat lunch and i endured all the way till dinner. :p

Sometimes, even i myself am surprised at the rate of my mentality shifts. Some deep-shit problems that's kinda like a plaguing issue in my life can suddenly be resolved. It turns out my perspective of a problem will gradually widen up when i have learned to accept the fact that what happened is inevitable. And so my heart will open up and allow space for that discrepancy to exists, which leads to and old chinese saying : A man's heart must be like the ocean.

And so, as usual, train hard, study hard and dun forget, try to get someone's heart. hhahas~~ it rhymes...~~~ :P

Jason's Famous Quotes : If everything can be restarted, i would still choose to fall for u.

Did You Know? : My horizons have started to widen.

Iron-Willed

Life is all about choices, and my choice this round, is to do my best to make sure i am the best. Went running with the guys todae, its realli time i changed. Next week will be going to start a Vickers account with reilly and begin stocks trading. Next week i will also be going to register at BBDC to get my license. I've been putting off these things for sometime now, and i believe now would be a good time to start.

Studies wise i will be trying to catch up more, and i will try to reduce gaming time. I will be honing culinary skills by trying new recipes when i have the extra cash for ingredients. I solemnly swear that i will be taking my training seriously and will DEFINITELY run every alternate days whenever my schedule permits. All these are areas where i will improve myself. Its been too long alreadi.

Somethings have been plaguing me these days, i've been asking myself this question : Will someone choose you when even u urself wouldn't choose urself? The answer is obvious, and i think in life, we need something to work towards. Maybe this can be called a birthday resolution since my bday is just round the corner, on the 24th of august. :)

By my bday next yr, i must 1) be fit, 2)be rich, 3) cook well. Its easily said but never as easily done. hurhurs~~~ I do not intend to fail again. Trust me. I shall become a complete person, a complete man. ( no tanning for me anymore, i have a tendency to sleep and cook myself in the process...fark.)

Jason's Famous Quotes : Iron-fist Determination.

Did You Know ? : Its worth it. Believe me.

When we were small...

My dear primary school mates recently uploaded some pictures of our 'soccer' team when we were young. hahahss! Its kinda cute and funny how kiddish we looked then, the fat ones are fat and round, the thin ones were skinny like dun kw what. lolx! Anyways i've uploaded some pics for you guys. :)
















~~~62B Soccer Team~~~
















Im the cute one on the left with the 2 fingers~~~ hahahass!















Im the fat fat ronaldo behind kaiyang~~ lolx! Si bei fat lors~~ =.=


Looking at the pics, i kinda found what i've lost: myself. The 'me' that was buried after i left primary school, the 'me' that was timid yet innocent, the 'me' that was stress-free. I guess people do grow up after sometime, so as i grow up, i have chose to forgo my past and concentrate more on the future.

And so, my bday is around the corner, but i kinda figure out like every past years, my birthday wish and present will never come true. Sometimes thinking about it, why do i even bother to make wishes on bday man~~ hurhur~~~ Okies, im going to swim alreadi, maybe get a tan at the same time too. cya~~~

Jason's Famous Quotes : Accept. Digest. Swallow.

Did You Know? : What comes around, goes around. But i dun wanna be round. :p

Soul Sanctuary

There's this old song which i was listening to randomly this noon, which kinda sang out how i felt. And before i start blabbering about my day, shall post the lyrics here. :)

Back At One

It’s undeniable that we should be together
It’s unbelievable, how I used to say that I’d fall never
The basis is need to know
If you just don’t know how I feel
Then let me show you now that I’m for real
If all the things in time, time will reveal
Yeah

one, you’re like a dream come true
Two, just wanna be with you
Three, girl it’s plain to see
That you’re the only one for me and
Four, repeat steps one through three
Five, make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I’ll start back at one

(yeah)
It’s so incredible, the way things work themselves out
And all emotional, once you know what it’s all about, hey
And undesirable, for us to be apart
I never would’ve made it very far
’cause you know you got the keys to my heart
’cause...

one, you’re like a dream come true
Two, just wanna be with you
Three, girl it’s plain to see
That you’re the only one for me and
Four, repeat steps one through three
Five, make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I’ll start back at one

Say farewell to the dark of night
I see the coming of the sun
I feel like a little child, whose life has just begun
You came and breathed new life into this lonely heart of mine
You threw out the life line
Just in the nick of time

one, you’re like a dream come true
Two, just wanna be with you
Three, girl it’s plain to see
That you’re the only one for me and
Four, repeat steps one through three
Five, make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I’ll start back at one


Todae i went to chinatown with my mum and siblings, sort of like a family outing excluding my dad and 2nd brother. Hmms, shopping with mum never was a hobby, but the silly things my mum does while shopping realli intrigues me sometimes. hahahaS~~~

And when i reached home around evening time, i got a sms from aiying saying she need a listening ear, and so i went downstairs at nite to sit down a listen to her pour her woes. The usual stuffs again, her plight at work never ever got better. its kinda farnnie listening to her work problems because she naturally attracts daggers from the back. lolx!

And so she continued on about her on-off bf, which i think is a bastard anyways. Saw him before on a singing trip to kbox, and 1st impression was quite normal. But it turns out that he always get angry at her for small stuffs and always thinks that he's at the suffering end. Hmms, my advice to her is to dump this idiot and get on with life and find a better guy, she's not that young anymore, why spend more time on him after wasting 5 yrs in a break-patch relationship with him? Dumb rite? Gosh sometimes people can be so blinded. -.-""

After being a counsellor for 2 hrs, i tot finally when i reach home i can spend sometime playing DOTA with my buds, boy was i so wrong man. I got an sms from corinne, saying she wanna cry because of loads of other stuffs not going her way in her life. She's sad about how come she's so poor and couldn't afford a laptop which led to her cant doing her job at home. My advice to her is simple, dun feel sad and sorry for yourself, everything has a solution, and my solution to her problem is damn simple. Go get a second hand laptop or pay by instalment lah, ur're working and have a stable income leh. Short, simple, sweet. And after problem solved, thanked me for listening to her because her bf ignored her. And after that smsed her telling her tat's what frens are for mah.

The above paragraphs serves as my emptying point, because ppl pour things into me, so i need somewhere to empty all those stuffs. lolx! And since its not some secret that needs to be kept, might as well pour it all out. :)

The above instances kinda happens to me sometimes, when my frens need help, i listen to their woes. I dun realli think of these as a waste of time, because listening to people's problems will infact make u a better person. Hearing how fucked up other guys are infact make me more determined to not be like those bastards, and to be wary not to stoop as low as them.

In listening to stories, we must also bear in mind that there are 2 sides to a coin, so i always takes one-sided stories with a dash of salt. A wise man once said --> Thou shall not betroth the entire truth one singular perspective....( that wise man is me. hahahas! )

So summing this entry, i qualify as an expert counsellor, good frend and potential wise man. hurhur~~~ :P

Jason's Famous Quotes : Too fast too furious leads to a fast and furious death.

Did You Know? : Everybody is a story, and when stories intertwined, its called fate.

Angelic-afication

Okays, this might sound slightly crazy, but im toking about this in a subtle and sensible way. The thing in question is, have u guys and gals ever experienced this before? Like when u behold somebody for sometime, u realised that tat person whom u are so used to seeing, is actually so beautiful? Hmms, sometimes i wonder how could i have missed out details such as this~~~

Looking, not staring at someone that you've known for sometime is normally quite routine and normal, so naturally u feel that person is like no different from other people. Yet, at some unforeseen and random instance, when u realli took the time to notice, the beauty sorts of beams and shines on you like some holy light from the heavens. lolx~~~

I truly believe, the above discovery can only be made if that person is a good person. And my definition of good, refers to somebody that has strength of character and is a sincerely nice person. No matter how pretty u can be, with an ugly heart, time will mutate and distort beauty.

And so i shall end my slightly insane description of the phenomenon called " Sudden Angelic-afication ". Hurhur

Recently, i liked to keep quiet sometimes and listen to people speak, because i guess im learning to listen more and talk less.... hohoho~~~ Talking is tiring, though u transmit and communicate your thoughts, i juz feel abit boring talking so much. hahasss. But sometimes being too quiet causes an aura of uneasy silence to hang in the air, and that effect is further amplified if u're in a group of frends and everybody sorts of keep quiet all of a sudden. So that happens when there's a team of 'listeners', and when there's a team of 'talkers', a irritating term ensues~~~ noise.. :P

My monetary policy currently is geared towards the 'poorer then beggar' status, because i didnt work for the past mth. Hahass~~~ If things go smoothly, then maybe my first payment will come in during october, and by next year june, i should be driving a BMW convertible. hurhurs~~~ Yet i have to keep quiet about stuffs for now, im not supposed to say anything to anybody, not even those most dear to me. Its not that i dun trust people, its just that i have a responsibility to keep my promise to the other shareholders, a man of integrity will not betray the trust that his fellows placed on him. :)

Changes can be slow and subtle, there's no need to kick up a ruckus on how things are changing. People can feel it, slowly but certainly, the conversion setting in. Its sort of like stirring agar agar that's already settled, the agar agar changed form, but its still agar agar, though its now softer and sweeter. And in the unfortunate event that you dun like watery agar agar, u can always put it in the fridge to freeze it again. There's no need to throw the agar agar away even if u dun like it, because its not the agar agar that matters, its your mentality that dictates your preferences.

Jason's Famous Quotes : Speaking in riddles is damn tiring.

Did You Know ? : People talk, cockroach walk. So be careful what you blog, learn to mask things behind a lock. :)

~~Soul~~

Lazy again, hence the break in between entries. Been wasting my time at home this week because there's no lessons for almost the whole week. Went to NLB to study and do research with kuku ytd, which in fact i didnt realli do much except gather materials to insert into my ER essay. Hohoho, after that we went to eat around as usaul, when it comes to food, we're always willing to go try diff stuffs. hurhur~~~

Todae morning went to gym as usual, and i went 'fast and furious'. I finished my workout in like 35 mins to 40 mins, simply because todae i did circuits. :) Keep training without rest, alternating all the different stations as fast as possible. And i was super tired man, to the extent i couldnt even do another rep, which the regulars know it as fatigue. ^_^

I kw im going to fail my ippt no matter how hard i train within this 2 weeks, because i started abit late, my running is cfm going to fail. lolx. Though the idea of RT totally suck, after thinking it true, why not? I mean i go for RT, i get money, i can train up as well, and if i tried realli hard, i could get a silver or gold then get money for it. So all in all, 2 days per week at maju camp from 5pm to 8pm aint that bad after all yeah?

I tink there's 3 core problems to tackle so that i can be a better man. My 3 flaws are No money, No body,No honey. A solution to the money problem is currently under development and if the plan takes off, i will be driving a BMW within a year. Body wise, im training hard to lose weight and get a rock hard body this time round. Im extremely determined this time because 2 of my good frens are training up as well, and since i have the build alreadi, i cannot lose to them. Sean and Richard, wait up man, i cfm train until i become Fit Zais like u guys!

And of course, the other reason should not be spoken, and need not be said, because its worth it.

Nowadays, im obsessed with jazz and blues music. Kenny G is one of the best saxophonist in the world, and his music is so smooth and sexy. Listening to his songs sooths me alot and brings me into the mood for romance. hahahas!! Im even considering learning the saxophone, but its too expensive for me, a basic saxophone costs around $3000 bugs.... sianz~~~~

Food wise, i've learnt how to prepare chicken cordon bleu, a famous french dish. I added my own personal touch to the recipe, which is adding vodka instead of white wine. The results is quite satisfying, but the dish itself is very rich and creamy, making it veri sinful. Healthy eating i say, so this recipe most prob will be reserved for those fat-craving days. :P!

Jason's Famous Quotes : The whisper was so careless that i kept singing careless whisper.

Did You Know ? : In my pursuit of you, i learnt and grew up alot. Thank you.

Morbicity

Distance, can be measured by a ruler. But some distances, can never me metered out. Through our daily lives, we do slowly drift apart from people as we become more preoccupied. The simplicity of life and relationships gradually disappear from the scene.

I tried to breathe, think and believe in simplicity, yet it seems life's choices made the above mentioned to be a luxury. The cycle of logic is simple yet confusing, mentally we were taught to think in depth, yet when we reach the pinnacle of the so called 'in-depth' thinking, we tried to revert to a simpler methodology of viewing things and events. We sort of came one full circle and in the end, we end up at where we started.

Todae i shall not emphasize too much on the greater thoughts, but rather, i will try to dwell more on more mundane issues of life. If u guys do notice, i started blogging quite frequently these days, well, when im vexed, i naturally will need a place to shit it all out, so here i am, updating almost daily. :)

I read sean's blog this afternoon and i think his blog is much more happier then mine. Its not as dark and sorrowful as mine, kinda more 'sunshine' feel to it. Maybe im a 'darker person' mentally hence to morbid feel to my blog?

Talking about morbid, do u sometimes feel hopeless regarding all aspects of life? hmms, sort of like when u look far and wide over the horizon, no matter how hard u look, u can never find the sun. And everything seems so 'in ur face' with deadlines and the various 'endings' staring down at u. I tink normal people call it 'stress' but does stress comes packaged with sorrow? Farnnie rite? Gosh~~~

Jason's Famous Quotes : Beyond the surface, lies another face.

Did You Know? : Empty vessels makes the most noise. Im the noisiest.

KPKB

Juz woke up and dun kw why, i juz feel like bloggin. hmph~~~

Yesterday was a long day for me, went for noon lessons, then went to meet corinne for dinner. My hair was a mess yesterday because i started using a new wax, and that wax is SUPER STRONG, which means my hair is literally standing around and looked like some kinda cap over my head. -.-
Which means basically everybody was laughing at me man. hohoho~~~

And though yesterday wasnt so uneventful, my heart hurts alot man. The Man Above seems to be reminding me what a failure i was. Classes ended at 430pm, then i headed to canteen to get a drink and sort of pacify myself in the process, and then went to take bukit timah plaza to buy new boxing gloves. I was ripped man, fuck. Lousy gloves cost me $34, which in fact costs onli $28. Knn the uncle fucked up one, pua cb. Toolanz...

Anyways after getting the gloves, i went to take bus 77 to get to cityhall. Taking buses should rot more time because im meeting corinne at 7pm mah, and i can also take the time to consider the earlier events. Long bus journey, and i was sitting on the reverse seat, which means those kinda seats that u say opposite to the normal seats, allowing u to see the people on the whole bus. Wasnt people watching as i did usaully, because was preoccupied with my thoughts, and i was looking out the window, when i came up with a theory again. hurhur...

Everybody was looking at the scenes outside the bus as the bus moved forward, and i was looking at what the bus went pass. That signifies 2 different perspectives that a human being can view the world in. Either u look forward to the future, or u glanced towards the past. I look to the future with hope, but since im a sentimental person, i hold memories dearly close to my heart. All the past seems to be alive and replaying itself over and over again in my brain, the happy times i've spent with the people that im most happy with...etc... but well... im still... hahass... nvms. :)

And when im deeply pondering my emotions and was sort of down, guess who i saw? I saw peifen on the bus, with her boyfrend that is. And i was kinda wondering what if i accepted her hand back then, would we be like where they are now? Happily ever after? But i do understand that she's just not my kinda gal anymore, so i will still stick to my decision even if i have to choose again. And so i managed a weak smile and waved a bit, then continued with my brains racking.

When i met up and was walking over to yuki-yaki with corinne at marina square, guess who i saw now? I saw adeline. Gosh, at least she's with a female fren, not with some boyfrend if not i would feel worse. And so the usual stuffs, smiled, waved, said hi, and then bye within 5 secs. And then as i walked away, i keep tinking the man up there likes to play around with me. First, he gave me hope, then he took it away, then he made me see them again just to rub it in. Ya, i guess tat's his hobby in his freetime. But i guess i cant blame anybody or even Him, because at the end of the line, i sucked. Not that im pessimistic or low esteem or watever, its just that there must be something wrong with me that warrants such a devious fate to be impaled upon me.

Regarding the Tale Of The Apple that i wrote about in an earlier entry, i left out a critical aspect called Mutuality. No matter how much effort u put into the tree, the tree must have a mutual feeling towards u, if not, no matter how much effort u put in, its useless. So ya, the theory of Mutuality of Feelings must be present.

My nice frens and good people tells me im a nice guy, but am i realli that nice? Am i realli that good? I dun tink so. If im so nice and so good, why would things be at the state that they're in now man? So please stop telling me that im nice and all that, because i know, saying im nice and all that doesnt change the facts and the state of things.

When im tired, there's noone. When im down, there's noone. When im lonely, there's noone. Self explainatory.

Jason's Famous Quotes : My song will always go unsung.

Did You Know? : Im not a blue chip after all.

Holy*Man

Future. A short word with a huge meaning behind it. It personifies a human being's hopes and dreams, and most importantly, it also chronicles that person's impending life journey. Alot of people often asks themselves this question --> where do i see myself in XX yrs? And then they plan their XX yrs so as to achieve that standing that they aspire to possess. And since nothing is free in this world, what is lost in exchange for that status elevation?

Multiple physical and emotional sacrifices are made for tat simple goal. Extra long working hrs, less time with loved ones, seemingly endless obstacles etc. But the most critical sacrifice of all, is the sacrifice of morality and conscience. Although it does not apply to all cases, it does happen to a hefty percentages of us. Human morality and conscience is what separates us from other animals, yet these things are some of the most easily disposed of.

The big big question comes back to me: Will i become a ruthless and heartless creature in the pursuit for my mark in life? Will i betray my morals and do some despicable stuff just to get what i want? I guess its quite difficult for me to join the dark side, simply because i always try to live by my "Theory of Transcension".

My theory states that everything in this world is transcendent, everything is inevitable to some extend. What you get and what u have, will gradually be gone someday, and that someday is really not that far away. That leads us to picture the world as a predetermined entity, a place where everything is planned in advance, and we are simply acting out our roles as assigned. That is not a picture i wanna paint and explain using my theory, though some religions do condone and encourage this kind of mentality.

I believe that since everything disappears someday, u should take everything in your stride. Even failure can translate to a future greater success. Failure will only lead to greater success, that is my theory of "Inevitable Success". So the greater number of failures, the greater the success when it comes. :)

Do not view monetary matters overly seriously, like what the old people say, "You dun bring it with u when u are born and u dun bring it with u when u die.". If u can see pass the facade of money, u see money as a tool and resource, not as a god.

To better demonstrate the Theory Of Transcension, we come to the concept of 'if something has a start, it will always have an end". And since we can never truly stop something from ending, we must learn to appreciate it when we have it, and learn to let go when its time. In relationships, i believe in fully enjoying the time when we're together, and when the waters of fate has ran dry, letting go is always the best and only beneficial resort. In frenships, the same applies, appreciate the frens when u still have them by your side, most frends u make in ur life time will move on inevitably. I remember my various 'best frends' from my primary school, sec school and poly lifes, we used to do so much stuffs together, and now we dun even call each other and when we do see each other at gathering, we just smiled at each other.

The only best buddy i have for 14 yrs is still veri close with me fortunately, though the route of 14 years ain't really smooth sailing. hurhur. Primary school i have this guy called jonathan as my best frend, we disturbed and bullied people together, and have lots of fun. But after we left primary school, we didnt even called each other anymore. hohohoh.

And secondary school, i have a guy called jiansheng as my best frend. He's abit on the gentle side and most people shuns him thinking that he's gay, lolx. But now i dun even have his contact number and i havent seen him for years. Upper sec, i have a best fren called fadhir ( yes, he's a malay) whom always sticks to me. We were fans of fantasy stories and naturally, we had lots to talk about. Yet last year, when we went back to sec school for alumni meeting, i find i had almost nothing to talk to him. He's still the jovial and naive kinda guy from the past, but he's a tad too kiddish. I wanna talk about market forces and he wanna talk about starwars' THE FORCE.

I tok about politics and he answers with power rangers. So how do you expect me to converse effectively with him? He talks about cartoon and animes all the time, and im more looking forward to a fruitful and more intellectually stimulating conversation. The above example demonstrates the credibility of my theory to a Tee. When our mentality matched when we were young, we click naturally, but as time erodes away the child in me more then in him, we dun click much anymore. Relationships are transcendent too. :)

Some people might have this question --> since everything is predetermined and will eventually end, might as well dun do anything and rot at home rite? The fact is like a train and the track. If u want the train to arrive at the station, u need a driving force, without the force, the train wouldnt even move. And our effort serves as the force to help us reach the next station on the predetermined track. :)

Wow, its been sometime since i've came up with some sort of theory and its a wonder i can blabber so much on such short notice. lolx. The above may appear to be crap to some people, but i have trust in my theories. hahass :)

Jason's Famous Quotes : Rome wasnt built in a day. Keep trying.

Did You Know ? : Trying dun equal bugging. Dun be a bugger.

Tale of the Apple

A man planted an apple seed into the soil one day. He took care to cultivate the tree slowly everyday, watering his love and his devotion into the tree. He took efforts to pull out weeds around the tree day by day, watching his beloved apple tree mature into a healthy and beautiful plant. And when the harvesting season comes, the tree bore fruits that are tasteless.

The man wondered why, when he used so much effort and love, the tree bore tasteless fruits. And so, unable to decipher what is wrong, he sank into despair and sat below the tree drowning in sorrow day after day. A week later, his apple tree slowly wilted....

The next day, his neighbor was walking pass this man and saw him sitting quietly below the dying tree and shedding tears quietly. Concerned, he proceeded over and asked the man why is he so full of sorrow. The man told the neighbor his story and the neighbor, after listening to his plight, took out an apple from his bag and gave it to the man.

After taking a bite, the apple is surprisingly very sweet and tasty. And so the man asked his neighbor how come his apple is so nice and sweet. The neighbor replied : " I showered my tree with love and devotion, taking great care to weed out the weeds everyday and show the tree tender loving care everyday." . The man was obviously very puzzled because he did the same thing too, but his results wasn't what he had expected.

And hence the man begged the neighbor to tell him the formula to his great tasting apples. The neighbor smiled and told the man this : " I too went through the same thing as you, my tree also produced fruits that were tasteless, but then, rather then wallowing in despair, why not u use the time to continue cultivating the tree, waiting for the next harvest period? Although this harvest period might not bear sweet fruits, we can always look forward to the next harvest, and the next next harvest, so on and so forth..."

I was on the mrt coming home from school just now, doing my usual reflection of the events in my life when i sort of visualized this story. Alot of people became sad and sorrowful after somethings in their life did not went their way. As is with me, but then thinking about it, rather then sympatizing and feeling sad for your plight, u might as well use the time to do something about it. Being sad and everything does not change anything at all, but if u did something after your failure, you will taste success finally. Nobody fails forever, there will be a day u will inevitably taste sweet fruits.

I truly believe what makes a man, is his spirit and his will. So what no matter how many hits u take, how many blows u receive,remember to stand firm and stand tall in the face of adversity.
there's a phrase in hokkien for this never-dying spirit, its called PA BUAY TOU! :)

Jason's Famous Quotes : If u treasure the tree so much, remember not to give up the tree.

Did You Know? : Professionals call this spirit---> entrepreneuring spirit. -.-"

Random Tots

Been watching the whole Young And Dangerous Series on crunchyroll these days. hohoho, the shows kinda rekindle the long forsaken flames of my youth. Hahass, its so nice watching them after so long and i do respect how chan ho nam actually carries himself. I guess lots of guys of my era look up to chan ho nam as a role model, but seriously speaking, none of the people i kw came close to him at all. hahas! Maybe its cause he's a fictionous character lah, but i dun believe people that values loyalty still exists todae. :)

Ah wei's cousin derrick was chatting with me about some mundane stuffs on MSN yesterday, and he said something that i sort of dun agree with. Are all seemingly 'bad' people realli bad? Are gangsters all evil? I dun tink so at all. What determines what kinda person someone is, is definitely not he or she looks to be, its what is inside the heart that matters. A lowly hooligan may infact be someone that helps and saves people in times of need, whereas ironically, a top notch lawyer may in fact be a selfish bastard that only cares for himself and his precious status.

I tink everybody's parents will most prob educate us on a very famous phrase -->" when u grow up my child, please be somebody useful and dun do bad things and join gangs". And its under this type of environment that we are injected the concept that gangsters and hooligans = evil. But have we ever saw through the common illusion that exists in our society these days? That modern top-earning professionals are in fact the most terrible beasts that exist among us, those that schemes and plots with that dark dark heart of theirs for others' downfalls?

Im not condemning the entire cohort of people, but till this day, i never fail to wonder how human beings can degrade to such an extent. When people say that we are leaving our barbaric ancient ways behind and advancing to a more civilized world, i beg to differ. True, we are advancing and learning more and more elegant and acceptable ways of living, but deep inside, our hearts are degrading at a alarming rate. We hide behind masks, we operate with a motive, we resort to unscrupulous means juz to get wat we want. And hence, as we grow more 'civilized', our hearts grew darker.

What causes such huge extents of degratory effects? I suspect its something called education. With the introduction of strategy and tactics, we employ schemes and plots into our life to further our self-perceived 'fame and fortune'. In the past, education was much more mild and traditional, people get education to seriously become educated. Sadly, people get education now to become rich one day, not to get educated. A phrase that i coined is simply people nowadays are "getting educated without being educated.".

Hurhur, enough with blabbering about my own opinions of society, im also guilty as charged. hahass :P Evil people exists in this world so that i can see them thru my eyes and remember how degraded a human being can be. Each and every stroke and move is slowly seen by me, and bit by bit i've seen how scheming people can be, acting all nice to somebody but deep inside, they want something from them. Be its lust, money, power, i've seen all of them being done. :)

Tomolo the day is about going to gym, then swim, then in the evening cooking for my family. Lolx, i've become sort of a chef at home now and im going to try different recipes every week. Practice makes perfect mah, and i tink culinary skills will realli come in handy if in future im going to work overseas. hhahas!

Jason's Famous Quotes : What seems light, might in fact be dark.

Did You Know? : I always try to judge myself first before judging other people.

I Wish~~~

The recent events that occurred in my life tis few weeks is what i called the cursed period. Alot of unhappy things are happening in my life to pull me down. The army is forcing me to abandon my studies and go back for reservist, which i am going to get prove and then escalate this incident to national level.

Even though MP helped me, my fucking cb CO just dont see the cb point that i am a FULL-TIME student and i paid to study. I tink he just fucking look down on SIM students, how come NUS and NTU people juz need a simple letter to get deferment, whereas i need to go through so much fuck? He wanna play around with my studies and my future rite? Okies, lets play, im going to the forum, newspaper and the relevant departments. And if its possible, i would like to take legal action too. Juz wait and see. Bastard.

And then there's my studies to worry about. Todae juz went for my first finance lecture and im truly glad i made the switch. Im totally into finance and what the lecturer said is like a revision of the book that i read on stock exchange. I feel that finance shall be my strong subject this semester. As for the other topics, that's where the problem lies, im not that confident anymore after failing my comm law...haiz...

And adding salt to the wound is that it turns out that she realli dun feel anything for me. Im glad we sorted things out 2 days ago, though toking bout these type of stuffs over MSN aint realli that nice lah. I understand her wish to stay single and realli have sometime to cool off from the past relationship, but its juz this weird feeling within me that pushes me to at least get an answer. And at the end of the road, the answer isnt what i realli wanted, though im getting used to the same sentence over and over again-->" Sorry, but ur're not my type." -.-"

Anyways things were sorted out and i guess now is not the time ba, and so, i postpone wooing her to a later date. Right now i juz try to keep the feeling in stasis within me and just continue being good frens lor. Whether its possible in future anot, lets just let fate decide ba. Bottomline is this ---> no special stunts or watever silly things that can potentially embarass her. lolx!

Right now, since i have everything locked away, its time to train up for my ippt. Will be taking ippt on 15th august and though im fat and useless, i shall try to pass it. hohoho. 2 days ago, i finally picked up my butt and went downstairs to the stadium to run. Its been like 3 yrs since i last ran and as u ppl kw, i dun like to run. I was so incredibly vexed and pissed up that i forced myself to run, its good because exercise helps me vent my frustrations out. Todae i went swimming after what seems like ages and indeed, the swim calms me down alot, clearing up some of the entangled emotional problems within me.

Tomolo will be meeting zhengyi at the gym to do some weights. Good time to train my pull ups and tone up abit. Im even considering joining dragonboat as a CCA in skool but im kinda worried what happened during poly days will repeat itself, i dun wanna fail anything again. -.-"" One more news is rei is suddenly interested in the martial arts and he asked me to join a martial arts with him. hohoho. The other guys are considering joining either aikido or muay thai, and since im mad about the arts, im fine with anything. ( except those that are too expensive lah~~)

I dun believe in making empty promises and unless i realli forgot about it ( i have short term memory...my memory is onli 64MB...), i will do my best to honour it. That's why i dun tell people that i will 'wait' for them. Remember, guys that tell u that they will WAIT for u, are lying. What they meant by WAIT means ---> If another better gal comes along, i will jump ship, in the meantime i wait for u first.

My birthday is coming nxt mth. 24th august! hohoho, im going to open a chalet and invite frens.( as usual~~) but i still dun kw how is the format gonna be. As in im going to book a chalet for 5days 4 nites, but i dun kw which day call which frens man, or maybe everybody come down cluster fark on my bday? hmms.... For this year, i alreadi kw what birthday wish i will make and what present i want. There's only one present i want, and noone else can give me that present. hahass~~~ nonsense lah, tat's one present i dun tink im going to get unless god finally stopped playing tricks on me. -.-""

Long entry eh? hohohos, tat's the thing with lazy bloggers like me. We blog long long entries and then for the nxt few days we juz sort of disappear into thin air. hohohoh~~~ poof~~~~

Jason's Famous Quotes : 2 forces drives people. Money and Love.

Did You Know ? : If onli wishes came true. hmph.

Non-Chalant

Someone once told me that im too sensitive sometimes, for that, i do agree. Im a sensitive person that tends to read too much into small and silly stuffs. And i myself, on the contrary, is a callous person that dun realli read too much into stuffs i say or do to other people. Basically my input is bad, and my output is worse, so i guess in the end, im still a bad person?

Was 'counselling' junhao on the the gal he wanna get because he's sort of down that time. I know im in no position to realli console him, but anyways i realised his condition is somewhat the same as mine. He told me that the though the gal dun feel for him in that way, she actually took to initiative to ask him whether he likes her anot. And that made him and me respect her, because she's a very daring and upfront gal, so all the more junhao should cherish such a gal.

Okies, enough bout other people, this blog should be about me most of the time rite? lolx. So where were we? Oh ya, im a insecure person too, i dun lack confidence, but i just am naturally insecure i tink. I dun kw how to explain myself lah, but its that kinda insecurity u have that bugs u every now and then, its reoccurring and veri irritating. -.-"

Hmms, and now lets come to another topic, will a piece of white paper become black when immersed in black ink? Logically speaking its a resounding 'yes'. But logic also extends to real life situations, whatever kinda environment and what kinda people u have around u can drastically change ur course of life. I believe i did blog about my experiences with the extremes of both ends and how it forge what i am todae. Anyways what i wanna say is, what crowd u mix with makes u what sort of person. So tat's why our parents told us to choose our frens carefully. :P

And peter, what u said on the tag is correct, i agree with what u say, its a monopolised-country. Sad but true, and the added inflexibility further improved the notion that its a one man country. Our government is a good government nonetheless, simply because we are corruption free. Sometimes u will wonder, how come we are well known as corruption free? The answer is simple, there is a phrase called open corruption.. -.-""

And so, the big question looms again, should i or should i not? Move on?

Jason's Famous Quotes : Unknown the unknown.

Did You Know? : I tink im going to fail my ippt. -.-"