FLASHFLOOD OF THOUGHTS....

Worried. Dun kw why, but it seems sometimes u simply are afraid of losing something or someone to someone else. Competition they say is healthy and im not afraid of the competition, just tat the notion of losing something or someone important to u looms over ur courage and determination. Lacings of genuinity could be found, yet where does the genuine originate? The source? Somethings when cropped up over time will depreciate, and love is one of these things.
Im not sure what im feeling is rite or wrong, should i actually let myself sink in once again? To prove to myself tat in the end, the light at the end of the tunnel is real? Hope is alive and well?

The competition has made moves, and yet i am static and inmobile, waiting for the correct moment. Will my hesitance result in yet another defeat? Or will my counter-strike yield more injuries to myself? I tried both approaches in the past, and both of which i applied on the wrong battlefield. Insecurity it seems is the main culprit for the defeats, i have special abilities, yet they can't be used in the first phrase of the battle, simply because they dun suit the 1st phrase at all. The enemy onli need deception ( word of mouth) and money (equipment) to herald a total victory over me. I feel totally weak and helpless during the relentless assault of the rich and the unscrupulous.

Okies, enough with the ramblings. Im just toking about some tactical maneuveurs. (Im lying...)

Todae was in skool in the morning to do project with my dear OB grp, and i was late for 45 mins.. -.-"" anyways, while doing project, i used nich's msn to pissed vivian and lilin off. And i do think to some extend its my fault, so fark me. K, since i just screwed myself, im feeling better. No more jokes with them anymore since they cannot take it. period. i dun wanna screw myself again. After the project, we bought food from canteen and ate on the benches outside popular bookstore.

Stats came after lunch and i went in to sleep for the first 30 mins, lolx. Then when i woke up, i paid attention to the lecture and totally understood sampling theory. yes, im that smart, dun question my intelligence. ^_^. And after the break, to my astonishment, elissa finally cannot take the boring lecture anymore and started to draw LA BI XIAO XING on my arm... but watevers lah, i let her draw lor, since we both were bored to tears and i sort of need some entertainment. literally. lolx. The drawing turned out quite nice and well, elissa managed to show me another of her traits, drawing dumb cartoons. LOLX. :P

After all these years, i still have a unforgettable song tat never fails to move me when i listen to it in the middle of the night. Daniel chan's 'tie xin'. The song personifies my sentiments and is realli wat i felt.

I knew someone with the figure and looks that i deemed perfect, yet there's simply no chemistry between us. I tried, yet everytime it ended in a explosion and i get condemned. Is there something wrong with me? i guess so, if not i also wont get condemned. If its 1 its still okay, but its 2, i have met 2 such ppl in my life so far.... and to one of them --> Sa Lang Hae You, its still onli meant for u. hope ur are doing well in skool.

On a final note, i guess i've learnt to cheat and lie to myself more then anything these few yrs. Maybe the trauma was too great, i've learnt to tell myself that frens can onli be frens and tat some people are not my type. I was totally wrong regarding tis perspective, i wanted someone who had a b cup and above, height around 170 and has no pimples. But i overlooked the most important criteria, chemistry. Being able to feel comfortable around someone and u kw u can be urself and tat person will accept u for who u realli are, that, indeed is most crucial when looking for someone to settle down with. Close ur eyes, dun look at her, listen to her and converse with her, u will understand what i mean. That's y according to a new theorem thought out by me, people who have lost their sense of sight have gained a invaluable sense: sincerity. People that cannot see are the most sincere people in the world, they observe the world with purely their hearts, with no biase element in their judgement...