The reason im blogging now is because my stewpid sister is hogging the toilet. she takes AGES to bath lor. zzzz, anyways, ytd i went MOS, and guess who i saw there? weichee... lolx... i didnt realli dress up ytd, cause i went there straight from work, and i was actually hoping tat u-kw-who would take the mrt home cause i could have some time to tok to her, and well well well, fate played me out and her dad came to fetch her... wtf? hahass, anyways im getting used to tis sort of thing, cause like i said, i woke up. I like her still, yet im not obsessed with her, i may speak about her and tink about her, yet i dun breathe her. get the idea dude?

MOS was boring, realli boring for me at least, cause well, my mind wasnt realli concentrating on having fun, hahass, im tinking bout some veri veri serious stuffs, something tat i shouldnt be tinking about.. zzz.. Its a sin, a realli big sin. Im not going to illustrate on tat thought, because its too immoral. :P... The gals at MOS are the typical prototype, so its realli boring, all wear little clothes, then dance and try to act hot, but im like --> DUH, u're not even close to u-know-who lor... Then there's tis auntie who is serene's frend, and she's like 40 plus and PURSOSELY go shake butt infront of vincent.. LOLX... we were on the dance floor and vincent was like utterly turned off. HAHAHAHASSSS its so farking funny tinking bout it.. DAMN ITS FUNNY.. LOLX
then on the cab on the way home, vincent was recounting to me how disgusted he was.. lolx..
but i was also quite dumb lah, we were dancing and i unknowingly backed up towards the a 'waterfall' decoration, hence i was drenched.. = ="" knn ah wei and vincent was laughing their heads off lor, EVIL* frends...

MOS was realli a place full of veri different ppl, i saw a singh with a turban, a uncle dancing ago-go with trance music, a girl who is cup A-minus and wears tube which she keep pulling it up, a few she-males, a few aunties shaking fats, a group of underage guys trying to act cool ( totally lose to me, cause i was like slacking on the chair and am DAMN COOL :P) and a few dumb farks
tat totally didnt kw wat they were doing.. hahass.. its fun when u're ppl watching and tinking how good u-know-who is compared to those girls there. Looks wise she might not win hands down, but to me, she's perfect. hahass :p

fark man, i need to bath. i tink i go bath ba. farked up, im going to kill my sis! BRB

梦非梦，实非实，

红尘一撇，辨真实。

他非他，我非我，

人若清醒，苍天笑。

缘非缘，份非份，

幽风落叶，伴黄昏。

蓝新翔 --- 五月 四日 零六年

Wake up. That's wat i need to do. Im always slinking into that stupid dream again. I keep daydreaming about going how far and how far when i havent even stepped out. That's so damn dumb of me. veri veri dumb. People around me are getting sick and tired of me, tat's wat i tink.
They want me to wake up, yet im like caught in a strange and recurring dream tat is so hard to wake up from. Im always like tis, i always tink too far when it comes to gals i realli like, im just a farking dreamer tat always tok too much. Right now im still stuck in this phrase and im actually not supposed to blog this shit out, yet im too pissed with myself tat i have to put tis down.

I kinda read thru my entire blog 2 days ago, and i realised i learnt alot about myself tat i have never known. 2 days ago was 2nd of may, i went back and checked out my entry on the 2nd of may last yr, and i realised i was realli so damn dumb, yet at tat moment, i didnt saw how silly it was. The only ppl tat realli understands love is blind, they dun use their eyes to judge ppl, they judge using their hearts. Im beginning to understand tat, yet i cannot fully comprehend tat fact.
Looks are realli primary in my pursuits, i tried to lie to myself tat i realli like how she is and wat she is, tat was realli so dumb. She's above average and fits my bill, hence im interested, yet she herself kws the fact tat i dun realli like who she realli is.

I've realised wat she meant by un-compatible was realli referring to my mentality and motive for wooing her. 2 of my guy frends in starhub had a conversation with me tat day, and i realised tat i tink realli differently from them. Im not a fark-and-go person, maybe im naive, maybe im childish, but i just cant do wat they want me to. Is a fark-and-go attitude realli the gist of maturity? When u go after a girl onli wanting to lay her?

The problem with me is i farking listen to too much emotional songs, i farking hell am too sentimental and i tink too much, i always imagine tis and tat, till i myself am lost in my own fantasy world. I finally saw wat fark things i have been doing, yet can i change? Is it too late?
I might seem confident, yet deep within me, im realli a veri weak person. Im proud most of the times, yet when it comes to relationships, im veri veri insecure. I say tat im tis and im tat, yet did i realli do those things? WILL i realli do those things given the situation? I always tell sebas and the others wat i WOULD do for her, but WILL i realli do those stuffs? FARK ME MAN.

Im just another farking loser on the block, and i sort of wanna change tat. My attitude is damn lousy, my determination is rubbish. Im 23yrs old, and i need to grow up, grow up fast.
My msn title is also full of shit, i ALWAYS farking hell put wat i feel on msn, its so farking obvious and it goes to show tat im a man with no depth. Happy or not, keep the shit to urself and onli let them out to maybe a few ppl, dun need to go around telling the whole farktart world who the fark u like or wat the hell u feel. Ah wei and richard were right, they were my best frends tat have been with me for like 10yrs plus and i KNOW they're right.

In the end of the whole thing, i realised tat the realli fucked up one was me all along. Its like shouting murder and im the actual murderer. Now, before i actually go and like someone, i need to do some catching up with myself. I need to catch up with the real jason, the one tat was realli infront all along, im just his shadow, always choosing to lie behind him. This all started with huimin i guess, from then on it went on the peifen and then jiayan then corinne, and now finally adeline. Im sorri, not sorri for wat i did, but sorri for wat i turned out to be. I will never regret wat i did in the past, i do not have time for regrets, my time needs to be used for catching up as i said, to catch up with the real JASON...

Jason --- 4th MAy --- 大测大吾。。。。

Its been 2 days. Silence continues. I realli cannot apprehend even after pondering for 2 days.
Dark clouds surround me. The wind chills, and despair beckons. My arrogance and confidence drained. Im like a zombie. Im happy, its only on the surface. I've learnt to keep things to myself.
Noone kws how i feel. Im lost, my soul is lost. How many more days can i survive like this?
I have to put out a brave front. i dun want her to kw. I ignore, i avoid, in the end, the throbbing pain is getting unbearable. Maybe i shouldnt have started in the first place. By decree of the heavens above, im not suppose to love? everything in life is going reverse. Im naive. Im childish. Im too emotional. Im too sincere. God made sincerity a sin for me. Sincerity is a sin. a huge huge sin.....

'Its not a matter of giving chances, its a matter of compatibility'

Pls define wat is compatibility. Compatibility is the ability to accept people for who they are.
In my dictionary, there is no such a thing as in-compatibility. We are not that far off from each other anyways. I dun wish to dwell more into this issue, im not going to do write anymore romantic stuffs or watsoever anymore. My actions are weird anyways, no point acting silly when
i realised i am.

A guy like me, doesnt realli deserves this type of treatment, when ur're so good to someone and u totally threw away ur man's ego, which made me seem so girlish. I keep whining to people around me, im just so useless during tat period of time. I must stop whining and farking hell get on with life.

Im now undergoing OPERATION ABSTINENCE. Its in phase 1, and i sincerely hope it succeeds.
There are 4 vital points that must be resolved, and once i reseolved them, phase 2 shall come into place, and when the 3rd and last phase come into the picture, im more or less there le.

Thanks to yiansin and puan and guoliang and sebas and zhiwei and richard for being there to let me whine to. ^_^, appreciate ur patience guys and girls.

Jason ---- PEACE AND TRANQUILITY ---- 心如止水

A picture says a thousand words....

Creative? hahass, im bo liao (bored) , so i try to come up with something creative ba. I guess u all kw wat tat means without me explaining. lolx.. :P

to puan -----> i reply u here le, happi? lolx

hmm, tomolo off, should i go swimming? or should i stay at home? Anyways, the plan is up le, i tink i try to do something nxt week ba. hahass. but sometimes u just dun kw wat to say or chat with the girl u like rite? :P

Always got this veri funny wall de.. hahass. But its kinda hard to speak to someone with a fear of pissing her off leh. wah lan a, im damn dumb when it comes to tis lor.. i can tok so damn well with other girls, yet when it comes to her.... haiz... fark god man, y must he do this to all good guys tat just want to be good to a girl?

watever lahs. i am god, screw the world. muahaha. :P im abit crazy todae, cause my mood is a tad too good ba. dun kw why, im naturally good mood. lalala. tis is all crap man... im typing crap cause i reali realli am abit delirious now.

Aiyah, im veri 'luan' now, i dun kw wat the hell im tinking. CAnnot take it le, i go listen to 'Wo De Xin Tai Luan' ba...

(Actually im waiting for her to come online, she didnt come online so im abit sianz. lolx :P )

Hot nite, damn hot nite. something is wrong with the weather tonite, its so strangely hot.
hmm, i feel bother, yet assured at the same time. Hmm, im now starting to formula something to start a business with. I wanna be a successful man by 30 yrs old, even if im studying, i can still tend to my little business and build a network of contacts first, so tat by the time im out, i should be able to go into larger businesses.

Should i become a importer of exotic goods? or should i just start a normal ebay business net? Actually, i've been tinking of a veri veri lucrative business, hahass. Lets do something tat im REALLI REALLI good at ba, how bout we plan and put into action romantic 'stunts' ? i start a company tat specialises in doing romantic stuffs for gals? guys can hire us to do various stunts, and i can OVERCHARGE them, muahaha, guys are soooooo stewpid when it comes to love mah, can cheat alot of money.. hahasss ( i was and is still one of them dumb guyz...-.-"")

Not a bad business hor? i mean noone have ever done tis thing in singapore, and then for little stunts, we charge around $500 ba, then for those big scale ones, maybe $1000 will do. ^_^.
Then if the guy gets the girl, he have to pay us additional 'commission' of 10%.
LOLX :P. I will be so damn rich by the end of the yr.. hahass.
Lets see how things goes ba, maybe nxt time, my company name will be symnonimous with romantic love. ^_^V


Life is full of surprises, and wat surprise me tonite is i have ran out of stuff to write.....
im like ---> wtf? i cant tink no more? hahass no lah, i just prefer to dun tink so much nowadays, cause tinking too much is realli bad for health. hahass

Well, but i can tell u one last thing before i go off. A girl looks the cutest when she closes her eyes and rest while sitting in the bus. hahass... then when u look at her, she kws, yet still pretends not to kw... lolx... so cute... :P

hmm, im bloggin again in the middle of the night because i realised i've been veri veri dumb...
i listen to wat my frend say, and i actually had a misconception of her.... Sun had wronged Moon... I dun wish to delete wat i have written as a testimonial of how silly i've been.
It has been a HUGE misunderstanding all along, she's as cute i imagined her to be.. hahasss...

But anyways, its quite ironic tat we actually got closer and i got to kw her more in this way. hahass, from tis misunderstanding, i got to knew her better and better. Well, watever the route, wat matters is the destination ba. Understanding a person naturally is the best and onli way to know a person completely, purposely going to understand her will onli result in deeper misunderstandings...

I dun blame anybody for the wrong information, i had it coming, i chose to listen rather then finding out for myself, so im just lucky tat i got away from deeper misunderstanding tis time. Im now starting to be a better man. Hopefully she gives me enough time to change my bad points ba.

Jason --- The man tat have listened too much and toked too much....

Have u ever realised wat u want isnt realli wat u need?
The above comment is pertaining to 2 issues here...

The first is regarding my rejection by NTU, I received the letter yesterday once i reach home. My mood was actually quite good, yet once i realised tat i have been rejected, i realli felt damn sianz, the feeling is even worse then being rejected by a girl. I felt my future suddenly felt so uncertain and hanging in mid-air. What will i become? Where will i go? But after some quiet moments yesterday ( abeit a lot of advertising on MSN to my frends...:P) , i have plotted out another road for me to travel down. My dream is to be an entrepreneur, hence no matter wat or who i become, my dream remains, the dream to give the best for my loved ones. Im a impractical virgo, my life long dream is to build a cosy yet comfortable house in the everflowing plains of switzerland, and spend the time there with my wife. And around the house, i shall plant my wife's favourite flowers... Yupz, im childish and immature, yet i kw how to realli love a woman, do u?

The second issue is actually sparked off a chain of thoughts after something tat happened in the morning todae on the way to work. I dun wish to say wat happened, but i realised tat wat i have always wanted, wasnt wat i realli wanted all along ba.
Do anybody know tat kinda of pain, when u realised wat seems perfect on the outside, isnt realli wat u want on the inside? The despair tat Sun felt when he realised tat Moon and him wasnt realli meant to be? Althought both of them are round, but they realli belong to different time and space? When they are realli made up of different composition of materials?

Time can heal, tat is wat Sun learned, yet he cannot fathom. Initially Sun thought by knowing Moon more, he can actually learn wat kinda material is Moon made up of, yet the more he knew, the more he realised tat they dun fit as one. Sun was vexed, realli vexed, he dun understand why he feels tat way and wat wrong he did, but Sun realised in the end, tat the problem didnt realli lie with him.

Sun is dumb and silly, yet he can accept people for who they are, and Moon is the exact opposite. Sun likes Moon alot, yet he also can see the reason within, which goes to show love isnt blind after all. Sun tried veri veri hard to know Moon and tried to find the glow and warmth of her heart, but in the end, something was sealing in everything. The lock needs a key, and a key, is wat Sun lacks. Should Sun forge a key? He could ask Time for a key, but wat if the key doesnt fit? Would he find Time again and again? What happens if Sun actually repeatedly got keys from Time, and one day, he realised someone else had opened the lock?

Sun likes to tink, but he is not childish and immature. He just needs to be understanded, will Moon ever tell him wat keys to take from Time to open her heart? Moon once told Sun to dun bother trying to get the right key, yet Sun isnt just a passerby in Moon's life. Sun wants to be a part of Moon's life, Moon shall never know the things Sun wanted to do for her, the happiness he wants to bring to her. Moon did not reject Sun, but its Sun's mind tat is singing a different tune from his heart. . . .

Will Moon ever realised tat Sun was realli such a person? Someone who realli wants to be nice to her? Sincerely? Moon must learn to realise tat she is not almighty, she's not always right, there are times when we must learn to accept other people's ideas and not rebuke them on the spot.
Sun is not criticising Moon, he cares for her, hence he wants her to comprehand that logic...
Moon shall never know Sun, simply because she didnt even noticed Sun in that sort of way.
Sun knows he's dumb, yet he's willingly dumb for Moon. Time blessed Sun with the appearance of Moon, yet Fate shall always be the barrier tat forbids... Will Time overcome Fate? or will Fate triumph over Time?...

Finally i finished writing the story between Sun and Moon. Will Moon be angry after reading wat Sun felt? Hmm, but personally i feel wat Sun wants is for Moon to understand. If Moon is offended, there's nothing Sun can do anymore. Sun is damn stupid and silly and childish and dumb yeah? ^_^...

Anyways, todae i boxed again, lolx, my knuckles feel sooooooo sore lor, i can even feel the pain sia, dun kw y, most prob my wrap is wrong again.. == "" stress sia, i cant even train for long sia, my knuckles ache after like 1 hr of punching lor, gan pua lousy. I SUCK. T_T
But yesterday was fun, hahass, i went swimming and tanning yesterday sia (0.0), long time never swim le, i still as good as ever.. lalala.. i went with stuart who drove us there and then after swimming we went to eat BAK KUT TEH, MUAHAHA, its so damn nice lor.. hahass.. I didnt like stuart in the past, i find him abit pessimistic, yet yesterday i totally understood him and accepted him. I realised my best asset is to accept ppl for who they are, unless they are like the guai lan raymond in office, he shall feel the fury of my fists one of these days... :P

okay ba, enough le, im writing a farking composition lor, ta ma de, machiam writing GP thesis like tat, hahass... alritey, i go off le ba, blog too much tomolo nothing to write.. LOLX :P

Tonite is another nite when i have tat feeling again... cold lonely nite and im here tinking about things again. hahaasss.... hmm, if u have frends tat keeps telling u negative stuffs, would u in the end be negative? would u trust ur instincts and observations more then ur frend's feedback?
seriously speaking, i would rather trust my own instincts and fail, than listen to people's feedback and fail. its my choice anyways. if i have chosen a road to death, i would accept it because its my choice. ^_^

now the issue of my maturity comes into the picture again, hahass... i kw normally im childish because i act in tat way infront of ppl. they say maturity emotes from within, but let me tell u tis from my experience. u will never kw how some ppl think because they never show it. im a open person, yet at the same time, deep within me, who realli kws me? Most of the time my childish exterior turns ppl off, but if they are willing to stay and find out more about me, then these are the ppl tat's realli worth making frends with, because they are the ones that realli wanna kw u as a person. they dun judge a person by its cover first.

Im a tactless and silly person, i might piss ppl without realising it, yet in the end, when these ppl try to kw me better, i actually became veri good frends with them. hahass, they stayed behind and was with me thru some things, and in the end, they realised tat im not tat silly after all. ^_^

i dun kw why im saying all these here, because wat matters most is in my actions and not my blog ba. i totally understand yet still here i am, bitching on these silly things...urm... am i gay?!?

alritey, now back to training, todae i hit 5 jabs per sec man! yeah! i guess after 3 mths i shal hit 8 hits le! ^_^... slowly but surely, im getting better at tis! hahass

on a final note --> Confidence is wat makes or breaks a man, its a veri veri thin line....

Alritey, life went back to normal le. FINALLY. hmm, todae was quite happening, hahass, i knew 3 new frends tis few days. guo liang is tall and gay, but he's okay lah, veri man, like me..:P
then there's puan who is 'quite' short, yet she's also quite cute at the same time.. hahasss.. her bf is even cuter sia, he's like...frodo?(JOKING...:P) hahsss... im not gay. :P last but not least there's wanni, who is sooooo lame sometimes lor.. hahass, but i like lame ppl, they're fun. ^_^ ( im lamer then her, so im the LAMEST ^_^ V )

But todae, someone from the tech side pissed me off totally. I transferred call over and he jittao attitude problem lor. Knn he heng i dun kw wat he looks like, but i kw he's in the office de. i shall keep a look out for who he is, then c how guai lan he can be. wanna guai lan bring it on! NO FEAR. ^_^ V <---( childish yet oh-so-manly...)

And well, the best news is this----> i have retaken boxing again! yeah! and im now in the conditioning and hardening phase le. muahaha.... im training nearly everyday once i reach hm, so im gaining speed le, hopefully can reach 8 hits per sec AND god bless the stupid bag dun drop down ba.... but the side effects are also starting to show le lor... my knuckles are abit painful cause i train everyday, and the ointment i use seems to make my hand's skin peel sia... i dun kw if its expired? LOLX... the best part is tis---> i lost around 3kgs le lor, and i just started like 2 weeks ago? Tis week off most prob i will be going to swim ba, its been like aaaaaagggggggeeeeessss since i swam lor, i also wanna sing ktv also leh, i wanna sing CAI HONG TIAN TANG... so touching the mtv, the FENG mtv and it is both linked, i watch both le jittao touched sia... tis type of thing could happen de meh?...

Hmm, sometimes life is like a roller-coaster. it can be VERI VERI low because of some veri complex things, yet it can go up perpenticularly because of some veri simple things.... ooo how i like life and it's ups and downs... *_*

As the final willows fall to the ground,

the birds shall chirp no more.

With each and every silent prick,

my heart shall beat no more.

Teach me, o please teach me,

how do u open doors that shall open no more?

The man might seem mighty and great,

but in the end he's just a boy.

Thousands acres spread beyond me,

when can i ever halt the travel?

contradictory i might seem,

but the truth is within.

A whift of arctic breath descends,

quietly freezing watever tat is left.

Death creeps upon the still-living,

as livid as the path we walk.

Have u ever seen the moon cry,

when it can never ever see the sun?

Eyes, they are the windows to a soul,

but wat use are they when her soul is not with her?

Time shall and always will,

bring back what she has given away.

yet the windows will never understand,

the soul tat was with her all along.

sincerity flows like a river,

it goes deeper and deeper.

until it can go no longer,

where does the water linger?

rain, it always brings memories,

memories always brings longing.

and wat does longing brings?

longing brought me despair.

AS THE FINAL FLAKES DESCEND UPON ME,

I REALISED TAT SOMEONE IS LOST.

SHE CANNOT FIND A WAY OUT,

BECAUSE SHE'S IN MY HEART.

15th April 2006,
Jason Lam

Todae, i finally got back my com.... the motherboard died on me 4 days ago... tat's y i was not online for sometime... tis few days alot of things happened. i realised tat im abit abnormal tis few weeks.... i tink something came over me and possessed me... my memories of the past just swarmed over me and overflowed onto someone else.

Now i tink i just live my life as it is, because there is no rush to do anything now. hahass, i told her everything and sort of settled out stuffs le lor..:P... but she;s still veri cute lah, maybe after we become better frends and i get to kw her better, i MIGHT like her as HER and not someone else? hahass...

my heart is now at peace le, finally i settled tis silly mess i made.. hehe...

Todae at work, i did something silly again. hahass.. i again transferred a call to my own department.. = ="" tat was so silly yeah? hahass... right now, im feeling abit emotional, dun kw y, maybe it was the nap just now at around 6pm? hmm... napping seems to make me soooo sensitive all of a sudden.. ^_^... since im emotional, i made a poem dedicated to someone who im actually trying to find out more about right now.... well well well, there's a secret hidden in the poem, try to see if u could see wat the secret is? ^_^

Dedicated to her.....

As the winds cascades past my face,

Deep within me a lonely soul raced.

Each and everyone of my senses moved,

Love have just descended upon the truth.

I have never known it could be so strong,

Never have i felt these strands of longing,

Every now and then, drawing me to you.

so did u find the secret? hahasss.. its quite simple actually, its dedicated to her. :P

i recently stopped playing dota everyday, mostly because i wasnt as interested in dota as toking to her. toking to her can make me quit dota, tat's cfm. I didnt even play my PS2 now sia, everyday just listen to songs, lie down and slack or box a few rounds... maybe games dun realli interest me tat much le, im much much more interested in FINAL FANTASY, if u kw who i meant. hahass....

but im never a person to harbour much hope, because the higher the hope, the harder u shall fall when it fails u. I've learnt it the hard way thanks to corinne, and i wont let history repeat itself again. When a guy loves a gal too much, its always catastrophe tat happens in the end... noone should loves a person too much, because over-loving onli makes the hearts bond too tight together to beat normally.... i have a tenancy to do just tat, i kw it hence im trying to prevent myself from being too good too her, because in the end, im just a guy tat is afraid of being hurt again... is she the one? will she change me? can she heal the scar in my heart?

Is She My Yuna/Rikku/Rinoa? <----( whichever she prefers.. :P).......

Hmm, sometimes, im realli not certain about the stage of maturity im at man... sometimes i seem so mature, yet sometimes i seem so childish... wat is the determinant factor for maturity? i realli am clueless to who im realli am... am i having split personality? omg... but i realli do have to do a status check man.. i dun kw y suddenly i have these kind of thoughts, but i guess i do have to reduce my fun loving side abit... im a tit bit TOO fun loving.... hahasss...

i have 2 faces actually.. haass.. when im with a grp of ppl, i tend to come across as a childish and fun loving guy, but when im with a girl alone, im a totally diffrent person.. hahass.. but girls always tend to miss out the second part of me because they deduce im a childish guy from first impression... lolx...

watever bahs.. im typing tis cause i suddenly have a urge to write down something. hehess.. ciaoz...

hmm, ytd i was so damn pissed.. lolx.. for something realli childish lah.. but seriously, i realli cannot fall for a girl. I will start to tink alot about her, then will result in my tinking too much.. = ="" i suspected my frend of backstabbing me sia... though i dun kw whether he got do it anot lah, but i tink he wont lah, he's a nice guy... lolx.. then ytd i just get REALLI pissed for the whole nite man, i cant even sleep.. im like --> wat the fark???!!? hahass.. well, i got over it after tinking awhile le... i mean, come on lor, so wat if he toks to her on msn everynite man? they're good frends mah, EVEN if she in the end likes him, tat's HER choice mah, everybody have freedom to choose one. So in the end, i learnt tat im just a sadistic pessimist.. = ="".. lolx.. u nvr know how much u can learn about urself whenever u do some self assessment.. ^_-...

so we come back all the way to the girl issue (yet again...zz).. lolx.. tis time, the girl is adeline.. = ="" starting i didnt realli notice her much, except tat she looks like my first love.. hahass.. but never did i kw as time passes..( 2 weeks in fact.. lolx) , i actually began to fell for her.. :P... maybe its the resemblence? anyways, i tried to sms her abit, but she didnt reply sia... but whenever we're face to face toking, she always seem so warm... hmm... i dun kw wat is wrong here, but im not going to dig out the details.. i rather let nature take it's own course ba.. so im not pushing anything from now on, we are working different shifts nxt week, so tat means i have a week to tink over wat i want. ^_^ V

But i tink from now on, i try to tok less and be less 'sunshine' in office ba. I should be a bit calmer.. lolx.. :P... so late le, i go sleep le ba, cheers for my growing up after tis incident and CIAOZZZ!!! *.*

Girls LOVE tis type???!!

The typical Bad Boy:
1) is cocky, arrogant
2)always puts himself first
3) is inattentive to a woman's needs
4) does what he wants when he wants to do it, regardless of what anyone else thinks
5) acts like a loose cannon
6) struts his masculine sexuality
7) isn't even remotely a "nice" guy
8) treats women badly
9) often uses women for sex

The Bad Boy exudes untamed masculinity, independence and confidence. To women, these traits -- especially confidence -- are an aphrodisiac. The problem is, in the hands of the Bad Boy, confidence becomes selfish arrogance. But women are responding to guys like this on a purely elemental, emotional level.
Just as men are turned on by a woman's femininity, so too do women respond to overt male masculinity -- and the Bad Boy has it in buckets. What's going on here is that she's having a gut reaction to his confidence and male strength, and is blind to anything else.


Dial up the independenceAct as if you couldn't possibly care less about getting women. Never change who you are to please a woman or in the hope that you'll get her into bed. Get involved in your own life and your own interests. Make plenty of time for male stuff. Your attitude should be: "This is who I am -- if you like it, fine; if you don't, leave."
Don't show emotionsBe indifferent and don't show you care. You should have a poker face at all times. Remain mysterious and don't let women know what you're thinking. Keep them guessing.
Furthermore, ration your words and make sure everything you say has a purpose. Don't volunteer information. Simply answer a question if asked.
Put the kibosh on crapRefuse to tolerate any female BS. When she tries to test you, don't give in -- tell her to grow up. Don't be afraid to say "no." Stand your ground, or simply walk away from a situation.
Get her off the pedestal. Run the relationship by your rules, not hers. If you don't agree with her, say so -- don't be a doormat in the hope of getting laid. And if she doesn't like it, show her the door.
Light your fireBad Boys are all about sexual confidence, and women appreciate confident lovers. So don't be afraid to let your natural masculine sexuality shine. This doesn't mean you should go around leering at female chests all day, but you should be comfortable and confident about letting a woman know you're attracted to her without becoming a pawing jerk. And when you do step up to the plate, make sure you know what you're doing in the bedroom.
Make yourself scarceFor women, guys who are too available are boring. Bad Boys are selfishly independent -- they aren't desperately hanging around women, hoping to get tossed a few scraps of attention.
Women always want what they can't have, so make yourself busy and scarce. Be a mystery man. Be unpredictable. Be a challenge -- let her do some work to get you.
Turn on the confidenceBad Boys always assume that women want them -- insecurity has no place in their personal vocabularies. This is the exact opposite of the usual male desperation. So your attitude should be that you're the catch, not that women are doing you a favor by talking to you.
You can't afford to be too nice -- catering to women, agreeing with every word they utter, paying for female attention (all things Bad Boys don't do) -- because women see this as "weak" and wimpy.
Be decisive and don't hesitate when talking. Don't second-guess yourself after you've made a decision. Voice your opinion and don't worry about offending others.
bad boys, bad boys


(Extracted from askmen.com)

Hmm, should i be a good 'bad boy' ? LOLX.. :P

Sunday. Tomolo im working in the afternoon, so i can sleep abit later.. hahasss... Yesterday went to Club MOMO to have fun. Which in fact we didnt realli get alot of fun.. = ="" But okay lah, at least i got to kw a new guy called vincent. lolx... another lame guy. The music at MOMO is realli different from those past tehcno clubs we went to.. hahasss, ah wei and me actually was quite out of place there cause we are more towards techno... :P. I wasnt tinking of going down actually, cause ah wei actually had a change of plans. But in the end, lets just say i managed to persuade them to tag along with me.. hahasss...

Hmm, life is quite okay nowadays, though im still quite poor. hahass.... I went to SIM yesterday afternoon to register for business management course. There was like tons and tons of babes there man... lols? But in the midst of doing all these things in my life, i realised one veri important thing... im still single.. = ="" hahassss, people always say being single saves u alot of money, but y am i still so poor after being single for so long? hmm, food for thought.... :P

The day before, i bought a green and blue striped polo from bossini. I sort of like the colour combi so i bought it on the spot. Nowadays my fashion fetish is polo t-shirts, ESPECIALLY abercrombie ones... omg, i realli realli want a few of those.. o_O...

Tomolo im going to wake up earlier to practice my moves abit, i realli hope that stupid bag wont go flying again...(most importantly, i MUST be able to wake up... hopefully....:P)

Todae i finally fixed up my punching bag again. Im going to start boxing once again. Im currently working in starhub now because i was sacked by the eyerelax new manager arthur. i sincerely hope arthur gets run over by a car one day, he dun die also useless. He sacked me because i was too verbal, everyone is afraid of him but im not. He issued a lot of silly rules like commission is onli payable if u sell 25 units per mth. wtf? he's completely stupid and senile, an old fart tat has nothing better to do. Watever the case, its still thks to him tat i got out of energie eyecare and went on to find a job with starhub.

I was quite impressed with the working atmosphere in starhub. its realli friendly and people there are so warm. I got to know a girl there called adeline, she looks REALLI like huimin sia.. hahass...(huimin's my first love) But she's veri fiesty and veri unlady-like....reminds me of the sassy girl... = ="" But watever lah, hahas, she's just a frend after i analyse my feelings. So now im kinda looking out for a good girl to come along ba. I dun care who she is, where she's from, as long as she's worth it can le. :P

Todae i got my final pay from energie eyecare le... 196 nia.. = = ccb.. so little... then i went to bought a polo shirt that is size M.... i too fat, cannot wear... zzz im tinking of changing the size tomolo sia.. lolx

Lost my shaver todae, damn sianz... my stubble have overgrown le, now damn itchy, i need a shaver, then i realised i lost it.. = ="" i look like a convict sia, although look veri manly, but its realli damn itchy... Tomorrow i need to go town, so i definitely need to shave. This few days abit boring, nothing much happen. I finished my stint as a promoter for eyerelax last week, now im a customer service executive in the office, but they havent told me when to start work man.. i tink most probably is nxt monday ba... hahass.. i was surfing thru frendster when i found this veri interesting equation.. lolx...

By right: NO STUDY = FAIL , STUDY = NO FAIL .
Which means: NO STUDY + STUDY = FAIL + NO FAIL .
Then: (NO+1)STUDY = (NO+1)FAIL
Therefore: Cancelling (No+1) from each side, we get -----> STUDY = FAIL!!!


LOLx... so funny sia.. hahass.. The equation actually further proves tat nothing in this world is absolute. It enforces the Chaos Theory's fundamentals. There is Order in Chaos and there is Chaos in Order. Come to tink of it, it actually links into the Theory of Relativity by Einstein. lolx... Nothing is relative yet at the same time, everything is relative... hmm... i tink it also branches into human psychology and emotionalogy too. hahasss... watever ba, im actually veri interested in Physics since i was young, i came out with a few theories of my own when i was in secondary school.. :P... But i cant take physics in university sia.. sad man. Hmm, gtg sleep le.. nitez...

Yesterday's interview was fast and quick. hehe... i sort of rejected the job ba... they wanted someone with a passion in designing machine parts, which i dun have, hence i told them my interest was in sales. ^_^... i can lie to them, but i choose not to, im a honest man. My family's pressuring me to find a job, but these things cant be rushed, its my future and my career. Im formulating a business plan now... hmm... working with a tight budget is realli difficult, but im starting to get a rough picture already, i guess i need around 5k initial capital... Im currently doing some research on how to go about setting up a business in singapore. hehesss...

Im saving some money so that i can go to hong kong for a holiday cum product hunting trip. i will need around 1.5k... haiz... money is always hard to come by man... why cant i be born into a rich family? lolx.... serene's birthday is also around the corner somewhere in febuary, which means i need money AGAIN.. haiz... what the hell man, money realli spins the world. = =""

I've decided to further my studies after considering for like a month? hahasss... i've applied for a few courses in NTU alreadi, but i tink my chances of getting in is next to nothing man.. i have like... 2 As , 4 Bs , 9 Cs and 19 Ds..... wat the fark man? lolx... if i realli get in, i will swallow my monitor on the spot. :P hahahasss.... But i do have a back up plan, which is in the VERI possible case of me not getting into NTU, i shall apply for either SIM or other private universities... haiz...when a man is stupid, he cant realli have a choice do he? lolx...

I tink im going back to work at eyerelax man... haiz... its kinda sad, but since im furthering my studies, i cant find a perm job now, so i have to settle with a temp job. haiz...

Wootz, Gong Xi Fa Cai! HUAT AH! Muahaha, now is chinese new year le, and todae i just went to collect ANGPAOs! Yeah! Todae was a nice day man, i saw my cousins ( They are DAMN hot lor... omg, can cousins be together? :P *Joking*). Hahass, todae's taking is around 100+bucks onli... haiz.. so little sia. But this money's gonna tide me through the first mth of my job, so cant anyhow spend. BORING.... I wanna go eat seafood platter leh! kaoz, i've been 'lusting' after it for 1mth plus alreadi, i realli realli need to satisfy my desire. :P Maybe someone can blanja me? You reading tis RX? LOLx...

Well, yesterday i found out why i didnt contact one of my primary skool frend for so long. I just remembered i didnt wanna contact him because he dun allow people to use vulgarities infront of him. OMG, i mean, come on lah, we are all guys lah. I admit using vulgarities isnt realli glamourous, but im a man who have the courage to show the real me to people when i interact. I realli feel people that dun ALLOW vulgarities are veri hypocriptic(i kw, there's a spelling mistake :P). He reminds me of stuart, another hypocriptic frend of mine. People like these tink they are a cut above the rest, but wat they do not kw is, they are cheating on themselves. Im not stereo-typing them, but its the truth, i've encountered a number of tis type of people. Stuart is among the worst of his kind, he always tinks he's veri gentlemanly and he's always rite, but he's ignorance will never bring him anywhere. May watever god he believes in bless him, because without tat blessing, he will never make it in life. ^_^"".

I just reached home after watching HUO YUAN JIA. Its a realli meaningful movie and in fact, its quite nice. ^_^. Martial arts is to instill discipline and character in a person, its not a tool to achieve personal objectives. I myself know how it feels sometimes when u r so pissed with someone until u wanna beat the shit out of him, but i learned to always reflect on the misunderstanding from his point of view, which means i always question myself before i blame others. Im not perfect, but at least i KNOW im not perfect. ^_^.

Well, tomolo i gonna go my grand-aunty's house to 'bai nian' le, so i tink im stopping here le, damn shagged sia, todae went so many places..= = "... tomolo also dun kw wat to where leh, must be presentable at least as a form of respect mah. And one more thing, unknown handphone numbers have been sending me greetings sia, i dun even kw who are they man, y cant people identify themselves even if they are just passing the silly chain-msgs? lolx... watever lah, nitez! ^_- *GOD-LIKE!*

Whole day at home. Rot. Im dying. Omg, i so poor now man... hopefully tomolo the job agency get back to me, i need a job veri veri badly man... hahass... i checked up on the SIM tuition fees ytd from peifen. Its like 5.6k per sem ... damn ex man... then there's like 4 semesters which totals the amount to 22k+? kaoz... Its so ex lor.. and there's transportation and daily expenses leh.. kaoz... i tink minimum need like 40k? omfg.... T_T

I've been sleeping veri late these few weeks and im like veri drained mentally... i've been tinking on some issues these few days b4 i sleep at nite. Girls always take me as a veri good frend rather then a prospective boyfriend, the question is why? After some pondering , the answer is actually quite simple, im juz too good to the girls i like, and i dun realli express wat i feel for them until its too late. They dropped hints which i never realli saw them coming. gosh.... Its realli ironic when im like the love guru to the guyz and they always asked me for ideas when it comes to gals, but in the end, my love life is so farked up. LOLx... The worse thing is, the ideas i give to them ALWAYS works. I myself knows how to treat a woman like a lady, but i basically didnt have a chance to realli have a girl i can call my own... The feeling of holding someone's hand and sensing the warmth of her palm meeting my own palm is like 2 hearts becoming 1. This feeling i know, i once held the hands of the first gal i have ever loved during my sec 3 orchestra camp. hahass.. we were playing a game and she volunteered to partner me although im realli realli fat then....
hahaha :P I remember i turned realli realli red man, hahasss, but she's veri encouraging and was leading me thru the dance. LOLx... its realli sweet memories and these are the bits and pieces that makes life worthwhile. ^_^. But wat the hell man, she's getting married soon to the guy that was my love rival then. You know wat kinda feeling tat is? The first love of ur life is getting married to another man? hahaha, its a bit bitter yet sweet because you know she will be leading a better life then she would have been if she was with you. There's also a nudging pain that will never subside man... but watever lahs, im a man, so i must learn to live with all these.

But that guy's rich mah, so basically im nothing compared to him.. = = money makes the world goes round. hehe. face the facts, these are all the facets of life.

Alritey, its time i go sleep le ba... hahas... whoever is reading this, feel free to tell me wat happened to your first love ba. hahass.. :P

(And one more thing, im also glad to have known you RXrocks. LOLX. :P)

Todae went orchard with richard to buy clothes (he buy, i alreadi bought. hehe). Didnt did much lah, just walk around the stupid town which doesnt realli have much apparel that interests me. The clothes are so BORING man... all the usaul stuffs, none of them realli appeals to me, so common. We went to TOPMAN initially, then we proceeded to far east plaza----> wrong move, far east sux man. After walking for sometime, we went to SUBWAY to eat some torpedoes. MUAHAHA----> EAT FRESH!

There was this 3 girls tat came and sat beside us, and they were quite hot lah. lolx, 3 pretty ladies man, but i didnt do much oogling though, im more interested in my sandwich. :P

Hmm, i gtg dota le, later then update ba. :P BRB!

Alritey. hmm, yesterday nite, i had a VERI VERI VERI interesting dream.. :P As usaul, i dreamt of a girl again.. *DUH*, but she's a veri special girl. In my life, there used to be a few special girls, but this time, its realli realli intriging...

Well well well, the girl is someone most of you people tat watch TV should kw.. lolx... She's in a talent show now, but i actually 'knew' her earlier during my poly days... She's one of my crushes during that period of time, lolx... i was still a 'kid' back then, which lead to me being more in the timid department when it came to gals... hahas...anyways, she's REALLI REALLI cute with HUGE eyes and i was sorta surprised when i see her on TV a few mths back.. ^_^ But come to think of it, what would happen if i got to know ALL OF MY CRUSHES back then? (For your information i had like 108++ crushes during my poly days... i know its OVERWHELMING, but hey, im a kid back then yeah? :P)

Anyways, although i know she's sorta unattainable now since she's now a mini-celebrity, i still like to tink that no woman on earth is unattainable... hahass... might sound abit overconfident but when u realli analyse the logic behind it, its realli true. No matter how beautiful a human being is, he/she will need someone's shoulder to lie on and most of the time, tat shoulder belongs to someone who doesnt realli have high points in the looks department. ^_^. Its a simple fact of life, when something or someone is beautiful, insecurities will be present, and interesting enough, people will seek to avoid that sort of inseurity which lead to their lowering of their basic requirements of a future partner. May it be looks, talent, money or personality, its realli all crap in the end, wat matters is WHEN AND WHERE in time they got together. let me illustrate on what when and where means:

When: The correct time period. There will be time when a human's emotional defenses are at their lowest, and this is when u need to strike. Be there for him/her at the absolute correct time, and you will capture his/her psychologically 'correct' feeling. An example is when some sort of tragedy occurs in some unearthly time when EVERYBODY seems to have disappeared, and at this silly time, another human being of the opposite sex appeared and tide him/her through this brief moment of pain, and shows affection not-seen between good friends, tis will trigger a reaction in the sub-conscious of the subject to tell him/her that this person is someone who will always be there for him/her. This theorem is not 100% true because there will be variants present. Sometimes, depending on the mental structure of the subject, the reaction triggered will be VASTLY different. But in this world, no risk no gain, hence judge for yourself when is the correct time. ^_^.

Where: The location where the reaction triggered took place. Lets call the reaction 'CHEMISTRY'. Everybody have a pre-determined level of affection for every location that they've been to or had seen in their life times. A veri good example is most people when asked about PARIS, they will link it to ROMANTIC. So now, 'researching' needs to be done to see what type of location will yields the best results. A good hint is the way he/she talks, derive wat type of cathegory she/he belongs from his/her speech patterns. When you get the location right, the neurons will automatically simulate the relevant emotions hence dramatically increasing overall positive emotions about you. But the best is to get the answer right from the horse's mouth.
(Seriously, i asked a girl where will be the most romantic place to pop the question and you know wat she told me? At the top of a #Ferris Wheel.. = =...)

#Ferris Wheel : A popular ride in the theme park which resembles wheel and spins vertically
VERY slowly.

What i have derived and explained above are simply little extracts from my life philosophy. They are based on what i went through in this lifetime. The conclusion is simply---> no woman is unattainable. Even the most beautiful woman in the world will succumb to the charms of a man who is a good 'CHEMIST'. ^_-. (I have personally not attained that level of skill simply due to the fact that im fat. *DUH)

Next lesson: Watever i feel like preaching. hehz..:P

Tampines at 1030am.... todae i went for an appointment. haiz.. this few days, i've been getting alot of interviews from insurance agencies... prudential and AIA is kinda like swarming me with so many offers to be an insurance agent man.... But insurance is realli veri veri boring leh... if u bo sales = eat dung. -.-" But the other companies which i sent my 'wonderful' resume to havent reply me leh... 1 week le sia... still bo reply.. haiz... So should i or should i not take up this insurance career? o_O watever lah.. haiz...

Saturday im going to have lunch with gil and company at cineleisure! yeah! FOOD! But RX not going leh, abit disappointed sia.. lolx.. u read tis sentence gal? TRY TO MAKE IT? TAKE EARLY OFF from your job? lolx... i kw u will read tis line. muahahahaha! But if realli cant make it then dun force yourself lah, i dun want u running here and there like a mad woman.. lolx.. :P

Tomolo im going to SHOP le! yeah!! im buying new clothes for the new year! YEAH! i aimed a levi's shirt for 1 week le, tomolo i go buy, i tink got 20% discount! yeah! :P but jeans abit ex leh.. i not much money to buy.. T_T..... haiz... y am i so poor man? god hates me.. i knew it....T_T...
(God, if u realli like me, please let me find a high paying job can? MUAHAHAHA:P)

I've planned how to spend my first paycheck after i found my new job EVEN BEFORE i get a job..= ="" I will enroll for a car license, buy a pair of cool shades and TRY TO WEAR contact lens... LOLx... i seriously suck at putting on contacts, but fraid not, i've got a optometrist frend who can help me! yeah!!! (Im getting abit drowsy... i need sleep... so i might spout some irrelevant stuffs... = ="")

Cannot le, i cant bitch anymore, i gtg get some sleep, im dying... = ="" nitey nitez!!! ^_^

Finally, a chapter in life have been closed. im now looking for perm job le, i got my pink IC last friday, so i've resigned from the promoter thingy yesterday. The short stint with energie eyecare benefited me alot, i realised good people are still out there.. lolx.. This 2 weeks of sales also let me see alot of customers, some good, some bad, but most importantly, how to handle them. hehe... Tomolo i will be going to uncle gin's company to take a look at the enviroment and to discuss a job with him, hopefully success ba.. lolx... i also found a few interesting job offers on the net, but i juz formatted my com, so my com have no MS word sia.. knn cannot send resume, they onli accept MS word format... -.-"" watever it is, i also looked up BMW 3 series the price le.. lolx... 150k+++ sia.. which means i need to pay around 1k every mth...-.-"" sad... in the end after some pondering, i decided not to buy car le ba... save up the money, invest it. lolx... a car is a liability, it will NEVER earn money and i will ALWAYS waste money. haiz... anyways taking the mrt is fine, i can see gals mah.. :P...yizhang is abit crazy man, lolx, he asked me wanna join him in becoming a singer anot sia.. hahahaha, but he say we go sing seven-mth concerts..-.-"" this whole passage is like a essay lor.. hahaha... but watever it is, tis is to catch up with the huge lapse between each entries... hahaha :P. I knew some good frendz from my promoter days, lolx, among them ruixian (she's hot, in a way lor.....im saying this because she MIGHT be reading this... omg... = ="), gillian (she's short :P), donovan (the magic man) and trey(something's wrong with his brain.. muahaha)... lolx... they are all great people to be with man... i needa keep in contact with them ba.. hahaha... life's starting to look great, now wat i need is a good job in a good enviroment with good people to sum it all up. yeah baby! forget about girlfrendz, lets wait for them to come n kw me ba... i totally give up on going after gals le... if they like me, pls tell me. :P hahaha... k le, gtg le lah, im going to watch my TIAN LONG BA BU vcds le.. lolx.. niteZ!!

Todae i was a little bit sianz. im now working at jurong point guardian as promoter for EYERELAX mah. I work like a dog throughout the week to push all the sales to saturday and sunday, but knn the company send a gal down todae to 'SHARE' my commission... i mean, wat the fark man, i tok and promote to these customers then when they come back i have to share the commission? Worse thing is, the gal didnt even make a effort to get more customers, all the sales today was my previous customers that came back lor... kaoz, fark it man, i sms the manager to tell him i wanna work alone tomolo, if they still dun care, i tink im quitting le. PCB, my leg damn pain now, stand so long till so tired. The gal is quite average looking but too bad, i dun care much bout gals anymore lor. Anyway quitting at this time is also a good move, because next week im getting my pink IC le, so most probably i would be getting a proper job as a sales engineer or engineer in a proper company ba. Hmm, finally its time i came out to work le, i realised its a new start to my life because i would be slogging through the most part of my life from now, but i realli look forward to wat will happen in the future, no matter its bad or good. hehe.... :P

oooo, hao jiu mei you blog le... hmm... i didnt blog simply because i dun have any things to blog about..-.-"" i nowadays ALWAYS at home leh.. where got things to blog sia.. lolx. well lets c, i last thursday went back to camp, n i saw garrick. he's fine in the morning, but in the afternoon, i knn wanna beat the fish out of him sia.. knn.. He now tink he sgt big fark, always bully other medics. ccb, he dun dare to bully me lah, because he knows im a dynamite. but i c the way he tok to the medics i also knn tulanz. He better watch wat he do tomolo, if not i sure give it to him one. pcb kia. i shall show him wat is TRUE POWER. -.- __. Watever, fark him, tomolo im going back for sean's sake, he's getting his IC tomolo. Im STILL looking for a job by the way, i called a few companies le.. but hor, one of them nvr write wat sex they need..-.- i called n found out they were selling women's shoes n need salesgal.... but i wont mind lor.. hahaha.. :P. Now that the avian flu is spreading so fast, i realli need to retink alot of things in life. Alot of chances have came my way n left without me knowing it... now that i recall n reflect on them, there's tis tinge of regret in my heart. y didnt i take up the chance then... omg... T_T

Last saturday, richard told me to go 'walk walk see gal' with him at city hall... he say got he in deep shit, so i went down lor.. but hor.. he smoke me one, he brought me to a network marketing company... but i not tulanz with him lah, he told me his problems so i juz tagged along n help him lor. im such a good frend hor? lolx... But he dun have to bluff me mah, haiz. Watever it is, i went there n know some new 'frendz' there, but for me, i tink onli one girl is truly sincere when toking to me one, the rest all wanna 'snoop' me.. -.-"" well well well, someone as smart as me will be tricked by them? nah, they tink too much. i countered them. lolx.. i spent 4 hrs there without buying anything and signing any papers.. hahaha.. i juz leech there n let them tok till they happy, they seriously tot i was very interested. even my frend had a rude shock when he saw me so friendly with the ppl there that he tot i also had been brainwashed.. :P too bad, a man of my intellect is juz too much for them.. :P hahaha.. hmm ,but there are like 2 to 3 babes there sia.. lolx.. one is called victoria (who resembles huihui) and one more called jess ( she's realli cute but realli old.. i tink she's 28...) . I didnt c the others tat much but well, the guyz there were hopelessly boring..-.-"" ( except for a few).

I long time never went singing le... haiz.. wasted sia... hmm, i tink nxt week when get money then go sing ba... im praying for payday! muahaha.. MONEY MAKES THE WORLD GOES ROUND...hehe...

Clearing leave now... veri veri slack sia.. omg, i tink im rotting le... haiz... Whole day sit infront of the computer, i tink im going blind soon. Hmm, wanted to find a job, but once i told them im still holding 11b the all jittao reject..-.-... ni nia a..

Jay's new album out le, although i never buy, i got download.. :P The songs inside all quite nice sia, i especially like the hei se mao yi, but all also nice lah. haha... Juz now yi zhang suddenly sms me call me go for gathering in december sia. lolx.. he's my primary skool frend and we're like so many yrs nvr c le.. haha... then he added me in msn and i saw SOOO many primary skool frendz inside sia. hahaha.. these guyz n galz used to be with me in primary skool man.. how i missed them :P Im still veri veri poor nowadays.. haiz.. waiting for this thursday when i get pay.. i realli realli need to cut my hair..-.- its realli realli long le. haiz.. im like a caveman now.. haha..


These week suddenly got alot of programs sia. thursday im going for a la kopi session with some of my primary skool frendz and friday im going for a beer session with uncle sam and the guyz in camp.. haha...

Hmm, wat else to write leh... urm... i went to watch TOM YUM GOONG last week, tony jaa is realli realli bian tai one, he can f*$king jump so high..-.-.. inhuman.. siao ki na... Todae ah wei went to cisco academy le... haiz.. he cock one, go sign on cisco again... he finally got out from army after 4 yrs and he go sell his freedom again... kaoz... he todae go cisco academy machiam like BMT like tat sia... can only book out on sat and sun sia.. kaoz.. u can kill me but i will NEVER ever wanna sign on to ANY uniformed careers... -.-"" im a man that likes to travel, which means i cant stay in one place for too long (home and singapore is the onli exception).


I also went back to NP for the family concert last week too. hehe, go back look for frendz and gals mah. :P... anyways, i realised i didnt know much ppl there sia.. kaoz.. all the familiar faces never go for on reason or another. I alone there sia, but heng i found those REALLI OLD alumnis like zhihui , eugene etc... lolx..


Sean is not going back to camp anymore le.. haiz.. this friday i alone go back camp.. sure very bored one.. jiu ming ah.....i tink im the onli old bird left in camp le, all the old birds ORD le... omg, y am i so slow to ORD? Haiz... life sux.. :P Who reads my blog anyway rite? haha.. :P Watever ba, im writing alot this time because i soooooooo long bo blog le.. hahaha... till nxt time!!

A lonely nite, so im here to ease my boredom. Im currently clearing leave and everyday at home 'zuo bo lan'. sianz sia, i wanna find a job leh, but noone wanna hire a 11B personnel. Hmm... everyday rot at home also sianz, damn broke sia. Life is so empty, sort of no-direction at this stage of life... Now that i have so much time, i guess i should make full use of it and map out the nxt step of life ba... hmm... today did almost next to nothing at home sia.. whole day rot n roll. lolx.. rot n roll sia.. hahah.. :P

Hmm... almost 1 mth never blog le.. haha.. im getting lazy le... Actually hor, i forgot i had a blog.. -.-... yesterday went out with yunz and company then yanz reminded me about my blog in the MRT. lolx. Anyway, here i am lor, blogging again. -------> well, so many things happened tis mth sia, but i also veri nua, never realli give a damn to things happening around me. Next week is my last week le, im clearing leave after that, which means im finally getting out of the army le. The flow of time seems to increase as i grow older, or is it that im too nua till im not following time anymore? :P My emotions seem to have faded into nothingness le, i dun realli feel anything for any gal le, am i gay? lolx.. nah, its that i have seen the 'light' le. i realised tis new formula:

Normal gals = Trouble
Average gals = Alot of Troubles
Pretty gals = Death is eminent
Super Pretty Gals = End of the world

LOLX.. But come to tink of it, quite true leh. I will always believe tis theory until someone proves me wrong ba. hehehe.. :P Hmm, now most of my time is spent thinking about my future, which career path i wanna take and what type of business i wanna do. I most probably will be investing in my friends' companies ba. Like tat i can work and get some passive income every mth mah. Bit by bit, i will save up the cash then can invest in more businesses, within 5 yrs, i will have $50,000+ of passive income every mth. And i will expand the investment exponentially, so that before im 30 yrs old, i should have a million bucks to start my own business. All these is based on theory onli, so in reality, there will certainly be some external factor that will affect these plans. watever it is, i wanna be a millionaire b4 30 yrs old. i have 8 yrs to reach that goal ^_^. Wish me luck ba! Nothing much to write le, i guess tat's all ba, i go watch vampire le!

Its been ages since my last post. :P Been busy recently and juz didnt realli wanted to blog. hahaha... I will be clearing leave on the 18th of next mth and man do i look forward to tat. Life is normal as usaul and nothing special happened. I might be starting a business soon with my MO and another frend in a few mths time so lets c how my business goes. hehe ^_^. Daniel also asked me to invest in his com shop venture n i tink i will chip in as a investment ba.. i sponsor some cash and he will do the rest. well well well... i hope i can retire at 30 yrs old and travel round the world ba... hahaha... i cant tink of anything interesting to write leh... haiz.. i guess that's all todae ba... might come back to continue at nite if i got inspiration... :P

Alright, today is monday. i havent been blogging for quite some time due to unforseen circumstances. But here i am again, updating my life ^_^. Well, im clearing leave nxt mth on 19th of OCT le.. hehe, so happi, but dun know can find job anot, because its illegal to work while on leave.-.- But nvm, i got backup plan, if cant find job, then everyday go swim lor. Long time bo swim le, its a realli relaxing activity for me. Lazing by the pool, tanning and toking cock with frendz. sometimes also got gals to see... so fun sia.. :P. Hmm, i havent contacted any single gal for like 1 mth le, haha, except maybe MSN got say hi and bye ba. Dun know why leh, i realised living without gals tat u are interested in is realli....freedom. U dun have to tink too much on whether she likes u anot or is she safe right now anot. Things are simple rite now, my time and money is mine to spend. WUDI! But still.. i still gonna pay my bills which leave me with like $200 to live every mth...T_T.. NS sux... Later im going down to cut hair le, o_O dun know cut wat style leh...

Yesterday was my birthday.. boring day sia.. i whole day do nothing n noone except my family celebrated it for me.. haiz... in the afternoon i buay tahan liaoz, so i alone go down to queensway shopping center to buy PS2 games lor... i bought god of war and digital devil saga... both are realli nice games... GOD OF WAR is AWESOME... lolz... alot of blood and gore, my type of game. :P A lonely, but indeed peaceful way to spend my birthday. I realised that i now have veri veri little female frendz le... not like last time in secondary school... i always go out with a BUNCH of gals after school ..lolz... Those were the days sia.. hmm... although i know time cant be rewinded, but if its possible i would realli do the things that i never did in the past so that i wont regret them now... There is a few things i realli realli regretted doing or not doing in the past... one of them was going after huimin... lolz.. she's my first love and i feel that she's the best among all the gals that i've liked before... There is juz this sincerity in her eyes that make guys wanna devote their future with her... she quite a number of suitors during those days sia.. haha.. but she's settled with jianda from sec 4 till now le... so long sia.. hahaha.. wonder how's she getting on these days leh? (?-?) Another regret is not taking up lessons in boxing.. -.-.. i have the interest and the passion, but it juz didnt occur to me that i should go find some place to learn it.. haiz.. I should also have taken up rugby during those sec skool years, then maybe i wont be a fat piece of lard now.. -.-""... hahaha.. watever it is, im still quite fine with wat i am and how i look now. Though im a bit heavy, i actually get a pass in the looks department. But in future, i dun want a pass le, once i come out of NS and start working, i want a A* for my looks! hehehe... ( okay, a fat A* guy lah.. -.-) LOlz.

Reflection Day. Today i suddenly had a urge to reflect on some issues which have no link to each other at all. -.-. firstly, i remembered last saturday when i went to collect my ipod shuffle, i went to citylink mall alone. In the mrt, i saw a pregnant women standing with a her son and noone wanted to give up their seats for her... im standing so i cant help, but i keep staring at those idiots sitting on the seats to see whether they will 'automatic' abit anot... well, noone gave up their seat until at one station then a women gave up her seat to the pregnant lady. Those people claim they are human, but what i see is something other then that. zzzz. Then now comes the 'project superstar' blind guy, i was realli damn touched by his determination to carry on despite his disabilities and truly, he is a hero. Today is the 17th of august, and its corinne's birthday. 2 weeks ago, i would have did anything for her just to see her smile. But fate has it that i have seen through alot of things in my journey to maturity. I feel im just doing something for nothing, its not like i expect any thing in return but its just... haiz... Believe it or not, i didnt even send her one happy birthday message or contacted her today at all. Im simply sick and tired of this whole thing and just want to give up on everything related to her. My heart is no more with her, i guess she's really happy now that i have truly given up. I have lost a part of myself in my pursuit for her heart, and that is my basic common senses. My heart is now open again, but trust me when i say it wont be easily taken again. Losing weight and self-improvement is the top priority in my life now, and in future after i ORD, i will forge a career that really belongs to me. Can gals be trusted? Are all gals out to take advantage of you if they know u like them? Questions, questions and more questions, these mostly can only be answered by the gals themselves... They claim not to make use of guys, but have they realli considered the possibility of them crossing the line without knowing it? Noone will 'self-dissect' themselves and say that they are wrong, they will find excuses to 'prove' whatever measures they take is the one and onli correct one. Humans are all in all a selfish species, how do i know? well, because im human too. ^_^

Darwin's elder sister is so damn pretty.. lolz... Today i went to darwin's 'army-farewell' party at his house. I also saw darwin's girlfrend there.... Lolz, darwin so fat and lame also can find a pretty girlfriend, i realli suck.. -_-... Anyways, darwin's sister was realli pretty sia, haha, but she's attached to a japanese guy le, they even bought a house le..zzz... But its realli kinda ironic that darwin have such a pretty sister and darwin looks like....um... :P. Enough about her le, today was quite a okay day lah, but i realised my family now is slowly rotting le.. My father is going bankrupt and doesnt wants to support my siblings le..zzz, then my mum also veri jialat, have to work as a factory worker to earn a pathetic $700++ nia. We are now at this pathetic stage simply because my stupid father's money is all cheated by his mistress... zzz.. I dun hate my dad lah, he's still my father after all, but i have no more respect for him le... Other ppl got mistress still will support family and kids one leh, but he cannot make it lah... So i guess i have to have a change of plans ba, i dun tink i will be continuing my studies after i ORD le, i tink i go work abit to support my family through this period first. My mum alone have brought us up till so big le, its time i return the favour le ba. Heng i ORDing soon sia, if this type of thing happens during my BMT then confirm jialat liaoz. I go out also dun know work as wat leh, got what job can earn about $2000 every month one ah? im not selling ANY BODY PARTS hor. hahahah..:P i tink need to go for commission-based job le, so i can turbo sell the product to turbo earn money. wootz.

Hmm, im back here again le.. it seems tis blog is somewhere i can hide away from reality. Life realli is tiring sometimes, and i realised people do change with age. My best frend ah-wei is one veri good example, maybe its ME tat changed... i dun realli know, but his ideals were initially same as mine when we were young... Our principles, our thinking was so alike, but now, it seems all these meant nothing to him. Sometimes i realli tink he's realli childish, but how can i tell him? He tinks he's right in everything, but most of the time its not, he's always finding excuses for his mistakes... Im always keeping quiet and dun realli wanna confront him, but it seems he's going down the wrong road. haiz... I guess change is directly proportional to time ba, i also cant escape the tides of change... What does future have in stall for me? i wonder will i realli be the man i wanna be? can my dreams be fulfilled? Uncertainties are part and parcel of life, and although i dun like them, life wouldnt be fun and meaningful if we knew wat would happen would it? ^_^. 90% of my dreams are all quite unattainable in a practical context, but that doesnt mean i wont TRY... Sometimes people will tink of me as being proud,'haolian' and naive, but my heart tells me i CAN and WILL succeed. Anyways, i juz bought a ipod shuffle today...hahaha... but the guy tat sold it to me hor, realli damn funny sia.... he so quiet one, how to do business? hmm.... but he's okay lah, at least dun have the cock face. Looking back on my previous entries, i tink my blog is getting more and more philosephical ( i tink spell wrong le..:P) le... Finally for a end note before i go gaming again, advice of the day----> DRINK MORE WATER! :P

Reality. I always tot i knew wat it was until someone 'showed' me reality. What will be will be, no matter how hard you try, you juz cant get it. Career is what is important to a guy, and i guess im going in that direction le. Memories are there for us to reminises, not for us to live in them. What is past is past, nothing could turn back time... not even the most powerful man in the world could regain lost time. Right now the time lost when im typing all these is gone forever... and when i tink of this fact, im abit fearful of wat time have in stall for me... No more will love be number 1 in my list.... money and power should be wat a man realli needs....

Oh how have i grown and matured... i did something so brave and forthright yesterday. I finally sorted out our relationship logically and maturely. We will be frendz and there will be no love involved anymore ba, i wont put in any feelings from now on. hehehe. Hmm, im quite surprised i took it so easily man... im not sad or whatsoever leh, juz glad that finally our story came to an end... its dragging too long anyway and i lost enough sleep over her le. Im free now and now, the hunt is on! muahahah... :P

80%. I would describe my confidence level now with this number. ^_^. Although im not realli slim, but i can slim down if i want to. Come on, why make life difficult for urself? losing weight so tat people can accept you? -.-... dun tink too much lah, lolz. Be what you are, because what you are is unique. Others might think or say some realli fark stuffs about you, but who cares? Its too tiring trying to live up to your own expectations le, i dun have time to live up to OTHER's people expectations. :P. Well well well, tomolo im off, im tinking of going to swim leh... hmm, LONG time bo go swim le, but noone go with me damn boring sia. haiz... ! i know le, i call ah-wei go with me lor... MUAHAHA... Today i whole day at home sia, except i went to hougang in the afternoon to lend corinne my camera phone to take pictures of her clothes for her to sell on ebay. lolz, i went all the way there just to do that sia.. hahaha.. :P... i know im stupid and silly, but tat's wat i am. ^_^. I tink tis will be the last time im doing such a stupid thing for her le... because later im calling her to ask her wat she feels. ^_^. hmm... slowly but certainly im going to sort out my life. i have too many unsolved issues and events in my life le, so i need to 'defragment' my life now before it all comes crashing down on me. hehehe.. :P

oooo today saturday le. hehe. im supposed to go back to camp for a ippt cover this morning one, but heng i smart, i call my frend whose doing duty ytd to go. lolz. Yesterday evening i went out with yunz. She's abit upset and im 'supposed' to console her.. hahaha... ^_^. Anyway, im not going to write what is wrong with her here lah, she call me to keep it a secret. lolz. Today i should be going to pray at the 'yue lao' temple with corinne one, but she say wanna bring her niece out, so cancelled lor. i whole day at home so nua -.-, wanna go jog also procrastinate till never go..zzz. i simply sux in the determination department ba. hahaha. Tomolo going to changi airport le..-.-... juz now corinne call me ask me wanna go anot, how can i dun go? hahaha... im quite poor now le, tomolo dun know whether can survive anot leh.. hmm... Slowly but certainly, something in my heart is changing le. i dun wanna write it out here, but i myself know veri well wat is changing in me le. ^_^. Now im tinking about wat to do at the airport leh... c buay sianz... tomolo need to wake up early also sia... haiz... i tink maybe later i try to change the time to later abit, if not i cfm die on the mrt one. haiz.. my total fortune left 27 bucks nia.. how to survive sia? zzz god bless me ba, im finacially quite 'leong' this 2 mths because of my stupid new 3230 handphone, so i have to eat grass this few mths le... zzz.. i sux. Next mth is my birthday le, and corinne's birthday is one week b4 mine sia. hahaha.. what to buy for her leh... i so poor, kaoz... y must i be so damn poor during my birthdays sia? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Tomolo i will be doing duty le, so most probably wont be blogging here. hehe. recently i have been blogging quite alot because my stupid monitor is spoiled and i cant play games.... -.-... but to look on the bright side, it does gives me ALOT of extra time to tink over alot of stuffs and do some useful things. I hate to admit but i've been skipping my training for like 1 week le.. haiz.. T_T... cannot like tat leh, i tink tomolo i try to 'start the fire' again ba. My weight is maintaining leh..zzz i wanna lose some lah, im kinda stuck le..zzz... hmm, im tinking tomolo bring wat type of entertainment to duty leh? Maybe i TRY to bring PS2 go play ba...maybe... hahaha..
One more thing, the last blog entry was wat my heart was realli feeling. Someone told me its realli realli very touching and i should show it to corinne, but i tink if she found out herself it will be better ba. Simply because i dun believe in telling her wat i did for her, i want her to feel and discover for herself how much she realli means to me. Im not noble, im juz a honest guy who realli wants to spend all my time to give her what has always eluded her......................................happiness.................................

Pain. It can be felt in various forms.. but the strongest form of pain is felt within the heart. When u know u truly love someone, but can not be with her simply because she cant see what she meant to you, the pain is excruciating. A man does not shed tears no matter how intense the pain, but who knows wat happens inside the heart? If she is living happily ever after with someone else, at least you know that she is happy and you will feel naturally happy for her too. How do you explain what you feel if she is tormented by the memory of someone else who did not cherished her? She's not happy at all, she misses him... and the onli thing u can do is to comfort her and try to make her forget momentarily. Seeing her in such pain and hearing the sound of her tears falling to the ground onli makes the pain in my heart goes deeper. Why do she have to go through such pain? im willing to bear the pain for her if its possible, but reality is cruel, i can onli watch on as her heart is being slowly devoured by the past... The sorrow sowed by the guy in her is growing day by day, and certainly is overrunning her... Can someone tell me how do i reduce or even remove the sorrow in her heart? Love is most of the time a torture, but its seeds are always beautiful. If you are reading this, im pleading with your heart now, please wipe ur tears and look forward to the future...

Yesterday i went out with corinne le. ^_^. Well, i tried my best to be realli realli nice to her... she was late and i waited for her at the mrt station with a packet of gummie..lolz, she said she loved gummy mah, so buy her some lor. When we were watching movie, i looked at her sometimes and i realli told myself this.."if she's my gal, i will realli give watever she wants to her juz to make her happy...". haha, im juz so silly and naive right? :P
After the movie, we went to clarke quay to walk walk..but clarke quay under renovation..-.-... sianz, but good thing is she doesnt mind and so we juz simply walked around toking and enjoying the view. After that, we headed to lau pa sat to have dinner, its quite funny there cause we met an uncle selling BBQ sting ray who calls himself 'ELvis Prestley'. hahahaha... he does look abit like elvis lah.. :P After that i went about ordering her favourite foods---> sting ray and chicken butt.. lolz.. i even went to beg the chicken rice aunty for the chicken butt. ^_^.. but she's a great lady and she gave it to me free of charge. 0_O. When she saw the chicken butt, her eyes juz lit up and she looked realli happy... i mean, when u see her light up like tat, the world juz became a better place for me... lolz. Everything was quite smooth going yesterday and im realli glad she looked quite happy. I wanted to send her home, but she was meeting her frend in hougang mall for a cup of coffee... so she called me not to send her home as it was veri far for me too. :P I went to la kopi with my frendz at my house the kopitiam till 12am, then when i reached home, i saw her in msn.. hmm...she said she was not in a good mood, so i LL lor, dun realli disturb her... ^_- She called me at 2am, saying she cant sleep.. she told me she saw a guy's back view who looked like delvin (the guy she gave her heart to but he broke it..) which made her tink about him again. -.-... then she told me alot about him which made me realised how much she still loved him. Im not jealous , juz upset at the notion that no matter wat i did, it can never ever override what delvin did for her. I tried my best today, but one delvin-look-alike sighting spoiled the whole day for her... i realised im realli so small in her world compared to him.. and i onli saw frendship in her eyes when i looked into them searching for an answer. I guess all these have no need to ask le. All the signs are there liaoz, its simply hopeless and i guess another better guy will give her the happiness she wants ba..tat guy is definitely not me, im not being pessimistic, but if u were me, u seriously will see the point. Anyways, im have no emotion now le, maybe u can call it numb le, but i realli dun feel anything now, normal guyz would be sad and in bad mood. but im fine le, i also dun know y, maybe i expected all these all along? hahaha.. :P The conclusion is that corinne's heart belongs to delvin all along and my heart is in the dustbin lor, no one wants it.. -.-... i made the effort and i failed, but im still contented simeply because i tried...i realli realli tried...

I have nothing to say about ah-yap le. zzz, today i was damn pissed off man. remember yesterday i told you ah-yap recounted the stocks? kaoz, he made a mess and today when the stock-checker came, our stocks had so much deficiency... im not saying its entirely his fault, but when we found the drugs he put away, it actually tallied. -.-.. which means im rite from the beginning.... i purposely put some surplus drugs in because i can give the excuse that some ppl never take medication mah, but he go and take them out trying to make them PERFECT. wah lan a, in this world where got PERFECT stock check one? kaoz... i realli wanna vomit blood ah...Y ah-yap so 'xiang bu kai' de? wo de tian ah, wei shen me???!!...Then hor nvm leh, he somemore went to put the drugs he took out into the INDIA store crate ( which i spend an entire afternoon to pack...) without noting down how MANY he put in..-.-.. where got ppl so blur one? C buay tulanz sia... in the end, today we LL have to stay back to count EVERYTHING again... zzz.. and i have to unload everything from the india store crate to RECOUNT EVERY SINGLE F%$K thing.... -.-... we stay back all the way until 7pm then go home sia... wtf, today is friday somemore...zzz..im waiting to see how we survive on monday sia... the stockchecker will be coming back to haunt us on monday... amen.... but heng my mood is quite good actually because im going out with corinne tomolo! ^_^... i wonder what will happen tomolo leh.... hmm...Later i call her to plan tomolo's program with her ba. hehe. wish me luck hor. :P ^_^

Today my monitor screen is not black and white le!, its yellow and dark green sia. siao siao. My monitor nowadays got mood somemore, juz now got colour, now no colour liaoz... kaoz.. -.- hmm, today in camp im not realli veri happi, ah-yap 'tink-not-open' disease come back again. zzz.. he go recount all the drugs today sia. he likes to do extra work, i c alreadi c buay pek chek... yesterday i juz finished everything then today he redo everything... realli for f*%k ( i can use vulgar language because she call me dun use..) sia. Luckily, affairs of the heart is quite okay today. corinne called me to ask me burn her a song by zhang zhi cheng called 'hen xiang ni'. She likes the song sung by derrick of 'jue dui superstar'... but does she knows that i can sing whatever she wants for her? hmm... anyway, im sending her the song later via msn and sad to say, i havent found the song. zzzz. I juz realised one thing about myself tat i didnt previously know.... its tat im realli not a easily jealous guy. ^_^. how do i know? well, she was telling me how much she tot of devin when she heard derrick sang the song, and im like telling her its alrite to tink about him once in a while because she realli loved him. OMG, wat was i tinking man? lolz. but i dun feel jealous at all leh, i even told her everyone will truly loved someone in their life and for her tat guy is devin. Hmm, but i never tell her who is the one i realli loved in MY life lah... lolz. Ironic isnt it? consoling her and yet im not telling her who i realli love...zzzz. WaTeVer lah, i changed my entire mentality this few days le, im tinking in a more rational and practical way nowadays... no more silly 'love till end of the world' crap for me liaoz. Love is not a constant entity. Its something that will morph and mutate into different forms at different time-spans. Its entirely exponential and can easily be squarerooted in the blink of an eye. The factor for calculating the resultant product is a simple yet complex formula in the form of ---> (LUCK + EFFORT) x FATE = LOVE x TIME. For myself, this formula failed, u know y? Because i have LUCK and FATE, but my EFFORT = zero... hence the result is NEARLY zero. lolz... but hor, im increasing the value of EFFORT le. Im learning to plan for dates and face her with more confidence... heheehee.. :P

Finally i finished the stupid stockcheck today. knn one, i work so hard today sia, my engine burned le..-.-.. i now abit sort sort le, then the monitor also PERMANENTLY no colour liaoz... jin g y. Tomolo the commercial stockcheckers will come down to conduct the check le, i tink cfm will pass one, u know y? because i do one mah, how to fail sia? siao siao. Confidence level is at a new high le, dun know y leh, izzit because my room no fan le now feel damn hot? I dun realli know who is reading my blog everyday, but i tink corinne maybe saw my last few entries le, she alreadi 2 days nvr contact me le... i dun know whether this is good or bad, but im not missing her so badly le, because last time she disappear 2 yrs i also can tahan, so now 2 days nia should be okay ba. In life, sometimes you need to change urself to suit the environment, and i am now at a decision point on whether i wanna make a huge change to my life. Alot of factors will impact my final decision and i will be posting the outcome sometime later ba. ^_^. Life is beautiful. Life is holy. Life is at the same time veri vulnerable and brittle, so treasure it i must. No more low confidence days for me le, i dun wanna die as a man who have never truly lived. I might be 'abit' vulgar most of the times but i can be veri refined too. its my choice. When im with close frendz or the army guyz, i curse and swear alot... a little too much in fact. But when im with gals, i hardly use any vulgarities. Tat is wat i call a gentleman though its abit hypocriptic too. lolz. Im typing all these rubbish because im realli damn bored now tat i cant play games since my monitor is colourless le. So whoever is reading this, please tell corinne i still like her alot although we cant be together. ^_^

Tuesday. Evil bad day. Im veri suay today, morning i wake up, look into mirror then discovered i look abit rounder le.. -.-zzz... then hor, i walk to busstop then start to rain... thunderstorm somemore. nin nia a, then i whole body wet le, squeeze up the bus hoping lim chu kang area not raining... in the end, my camp got TORNADO storm sia.. knn. Tulanz, then i went for breakfast with my buddies.. and i got screwed by peter for something veri minor... then hor, uncle sam pressure us to finish the stockcheck by friday... wah kaoz.. then nvm lor, i tot i suck thumb can endure thru mah, but ah-yap so hardworking i cannot slack sia.. -.-
Worse thing is, when im going home, my silly shoes spoil sia... the sole fell out and im dragging my stupid shoes along... so paisei.. nabeiz... then i have to call my kid brother to bring my flip-flops down for me to change sia.. zzzz Today is a realli unlucky day ba... i abit sianz... wish tomolo will be better... :P

Monday. I hate tat word. -.-. Today i book in as usual in the morning and i worked like a dog today again... haiz.. i tot i can slack sia, but well, commercial stock takers are coming down this thurs to check our stocks, so we have to tidy up the stores and drugs... -.-. Its VERI VERI stressful trying to tally up the stocks and im also quite vexed with my private life too. I've always been indecisive and hence im still pondering whether i should stay as best frendz with her or juz flat out tell her i like her. Haiz, if u call me to continue being good frendz with her, im onli suffering more and more as the days go by. But then hor, if i pop the question also not right leh, now's not the time yet. I tink here tink there also no conclusion, so i guess i will have to slog through this period again le.. zzzz. Im feeling damn confident nowadays due to some unforseen powers aiding me, i walk straight and tall but my heart's damn tired le. I treasure her as a frend, but i cant live with her as just a frend.... complex rite? Anyways, sometimes i see the best solution is to simply put down and forget every single thing then fly to australia study to start life afresh. Tat's the feeling i get when i go overseas and tat's one of the reason im dying to travel. I realli feel she knows she's the one im stressing about and she gives me advice to go after gals... -.-... corinne ah corinne, dun like tat le lah, u know something then juz tell me, u cfm know i like you one leh. U tell me when going after gals need to have confidence and all those tips, but do u know i juz want to be with you? LAO TIAN YEH AH, WEI SHEN ME NI ZHE ME HEN XIN DUI WO AH? WO DUI TA SHI ZHEN XIN DE, WO YAO DAI TA DAO TIAN YA HAI JIAO...WEI SHE ME? WO DAO DI ZHUO CUO LE SHEN ME DONG XI? ...but i will still change myself lah, its true though, im still a guy who havent grow up. haiz..

Im writing this entry with a black and white screen (my stupid monitor spoiled T_T) and a black and white heart (its still beating, dun worry :P) . Yesterday i went out with moomoo again to go window shopping, and i send her home to hougang too. She's realli veri cute and i truly thank god for letting her come back into my life again, although this time as a good frend, not as a gal i wanna be with. I admit i still love her alot, but in my heart, i dun tink its possible between us le. In life, there's always someone who u love, but u can never be with her. And yesterday i chatted with her in msn at 2-3am ba, she told me alot about myself which i knew, but never tried to change. And guess wat, she knows me more then myself sia. She told me alot about myself that i never knew, so ya, yesterday i faced the music, and i tink its time i do something about it. My maturity went for a long holiday, and now i gonna recall the bugger back into existence. And to corinne i thank her sincerely for injecting some sense into me, im no more a fat bugger rotting in hell, im going to grow wings and fly to my own piece of heaven...(literally :P). I wont try to be a procrastinatist le, time is not of the essense as long as im making the effort. It will be long, but its definite. Well, i finally end these blog entry le. This will be the last time im blogging as 'him'. It will be taken over by another 'him' for the next entry. Lastly, i still wanna tell corinne ----> I LOVE U. We cant be together, but we can be realli realli good frendz..even best frendz. ^_^.

Today is a sunday nite, its quite late le, but im still blogging here sia. Hmm... tis few weeks buay pai lah, yesterday juz went singing with moomoo. Her singing not bad leh, but she say she hate her own singing..-.-... I went all the way to hougang to sing with her and she say her voice sucks... -.-.... But hougang the Kbox realli sux, damn lousy sia. Sing half way the stupid screen will hang one... kaoz... But still hor, the day quite fun lah... long time bo see moomoo le, she still as pretty sia.. :P. After singing with moomoo, i actually meeting ah-wei n the guyz to watch fantastic 4 one... but last min cancel le.. so i lan lan go home lor... Then when reach home is the normal stuff le. Play DOTA and TS online lor... no life sia... haha... a fat fark's life is destined to rot ba.. hmm. Edwin 'Thunder' Teo and sean and peter keep reminding me im fat sia.. kaoz.. they say is negative encouragement, can psycho me to lose weight.. -.-... they tink i stupid one ah? hahaha.. but they got a point lah.. i realli should lose some weights le... but i dun like to run leh... kaoz.. maybe tomolo book in then call someone drive car to try to bang me, maybe i will run ba... hahaha. Hao le, nothing much le. my mood not realli good now, so im juz trying to entertain myself by blogging tis entry.. -.-... ( Y cant she give me a chance sia... so many years le... haiz... suck thumb... gals are so hard to understand...)