Ti Amo

Had my first mobilization todae, wasnt as bad as i thought. Things moved quite fast, went to camp, inpro, unpack and check, went to emart to get watever i didnt bring, then home bound. Short and sweet. Things finished up within the hour. Hurhur.

I bought 4 sets of new PT attire at the emart todae, the new shorts were very 'sexy', the new pt shirt were brown and very nice for training purposes. Its after chinese new yr and its time to go back to what i started, i must keep to my word.

I think, sometimes we must give things a chance, no matter how impossible we perceive it to be. For example, u might not like chocolate, but u must give it a chance to see whether it suits u anot. We are born to try, no matter what, if there is no start, there will never be an end. Dun give excuses any longer, give yourself a chance, give it a go.

The above is just to remind somebody that sticking to the 'safe' boundries of his/her world will lead him/her no where. Go out and see the world for what it realli is, dun simply hold down urself and have the perception that everything that you dont do, is useless and a waste of time. I used to confine myself to my safe world in the past, but i opened up, nothing is impossible, its just whether u give yourself and give whatever u can do a chance.

I used to tink basketball is dumb, but once i gave it a try, i realised there's more to it then meets the eye. The same with the gal im currently interested in, i used to think other wise, but soon time showed me who she realli is, and therefore im determined to make the extra effort to understand her more. What im trying to say is, dun ever close off any possibilities or paths, though u might fall down, u learn something from the fall.

Ah, i think all the above thoughts came about when i was doing my mob todae, i've been tinking on my way, that mob is fucked up, yet when i reached there, it wasnt so bad. I used to tink RT and reservist sucks balls, yet once i tried them, they are quite enjoyable actually. U get to meet new frends and new people, get exposed to new environment and everyday u learn something from everybody. Wow.

I now know why tv shows always got those documentary that keeps emphasizing the learning is a lifelong process. Learning is not just confined to books and academics, but also through everyday life. Daily life makes me think, and day by day i feel more and more enlightened.

I realli grew up alot mentally, judging from what i did 2 days ago in the school library. I always have this knot in my heart that keeps stinging me. I've said in a past entry that the thorn is my past related to huimin. And the final thorn has finally been lifted. I saw the frend that took her from me in the library, and i went up to tok to him and say hi. Wow. Might not be much i know, but to me, the hatred i have brewing within me for so many yrs is gone within a few seconds.

I've learn to see things even more light heartedly and openly. If its not meant to be, means u're meant to be with another person, u just haven met the right person. We go into relationships to see whether we're meant for each other, that's y i say, we're still trying. If u wait for the perfect person to turn up, it might be an endless wait. So why not give people a chance and see whether ur compass of perfection will point in her way?

Anyways enough talk about trying, lets move on the something else. My goals, yes, im supposed to do this as my WIL assignment. I have no clue watsoever on where or how to start, i onli kw we're supposed to fill up some silly template and then write about how employable we are. Self-advertisement and haolian-ness, sounds like my territory. hahass.

Jason's : Wonderfully insane, exceedingly beautiful, totally cute.

Usaully i put down song lyrics because im too lazy to blog and i dun wanna leave my blog un-updated for more then a week. So todae is one of those days where im so killed by deadlines that i simply dun have the mood to blog. So ya, here comes one of those songs that i swear by, its so damn nice.

Chris Daughtry - Over You

Now that it's all said and done
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house

What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
Fell to far, was in way to deep
I guess I let you get the best of me

Well I never saw it coming
I should of started running
A long long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you, More than you know
I'm slowly getting closure
I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
Now I'm picking up the pieces
and spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
The day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you!

You took a hammer to these walls
dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say
When you slammed the front door shut
A lot of others opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me

Well I never saw it coming
I should of started running
A long long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you More than you know
I'm slowly getting closure


I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
Now I'm picking up the pieces
And spending all of these these years
Putting my heart back together

It's a day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you

Well I never saw it coming
I should of started running
A long long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you, More than you know

Well I never saw it coming
I should of started running
A long long time ago
And i never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you, More than you know
I'm slowly getting closure
I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
Now I'm picking up the pieces
and spending all of these years
Putting My heart back together

Oh Ooooooh!

Now I'm putting my heart back together!

oh Ooooooooh!

Cause I got over you!
I got over you!
I got over you!

It's a day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you

Wonderful wonderful song, beautiful melody and meaningful lyrics. Go download and listen, blew me away the moment i listened to it. hahas.

And before i go, i wanna thank my frens. Thank you guys, u people made my day that day, i didnt kw my stuff meant that much to you people. I will work hard guys!

Jason's Thoughts: Daughtry's vocals are so fucking wonderful man. Wow.

Whatever They Say

Whatever They Say

by DBSK

(Micky)Girl, don"t listen to what they say

They can"t stand to see together. Come on Listen

(Hero) Baby Girl, You are my lucky one

Out of all the many people, you and I are the most similar to each other

(Xiah) But everyone wants us to break up

Oh, If this is realty, then don't believe in destiny

*(All) Whatever they say, don"t listen girl

All they're doing is being envious of us

I just hope you will believe in whatever I tell you

Whatever they say, I don"t care, I love you

(Hero) I can't lose you, its so hard

(Uno) Baby, I don't know what to say

I just have to tell you that my heart will never change

(Micky) People just want us to compromise with the world

(Hero) If that will make me lose you, then I will go against the world

*(All) Whatever they say, don"t listen girl

All they're doing is being envious of us

I just hope you will believe in whatever I tell you

Whatever they say, I don"t care, I love you

(Xiah) I can't lose you, its so hard

(Max) I wanted to let you go just for your benefit

But the love and trust you've shown me gives me courage

*(All) Whatever they say, don"t listen girl

All they're doing is being envious of us

I just hope you will believe in whatever I tell you

Whatever they say, I don"t care, I love you

(Xiah) I can't lose you, its so hard

*(All) Whatever they say, don"t listen girl

All they're doing is being envious of us

They are different from us so they will never understand us

Whatever they say, I don"t care, I love you

(Xiah) I can't lose you

(Micky) Baby girl, you are my lucky one

Jason's : Im going home, to where i belong. (Chris Daughtry - Home)

Yowugolohoboto

What makes me glad and what makes me sad. I have this sudden feeling that im kinda the odd one out, dun kw why. Maybe the recent events made me realized that i may be the only bachelor in the OG. hahass!

I like oriental and traditional stuffs, things that have a cheena tinge to it. There's this air of elegance and traditional love around chinese culture. Songs that have a ancient romantic aura around them brings my imagination to those olden days china, example are Qing Hua Ci and Jiang Nan. I was from chinese orchestra during my sec skool days, and there's this indescribable beauty about traditional chinese music, a beauty that bestows and brings out the essence of orientalism.

Im vexed todae, that's y im blogging now. I feel veri lost and stuck, i dun realli kw which steps to take and which path to travel. A new addition to the formula got the whole thing all messed up. So many things to stress over, so little time. Fuck projects, fuck tests and fuck RMIT. Period.

Jason's : Self-hypnosis. Law of attraction. rubbish. crap.

Coded Words

Inch by inch, bit by bit, i know. Patience, i have. Tired, i am. People say its impossible, to me, if we dun try, its realli impossible. I try, at least more then 0%, dun try, cfm 0%.

This morning went to gym, did some light stuffs because its been sometime since my last gym session. Indeed i have weakened, i used to be able to endure 12 reps 3 cycles, now its juz 8 reps 2 cycles. Whatever it is, im taking it slow and steady. I might not become a hunk, i might not get a 6 pec, but the gist of the story is i try. I at least try fucking hard to get them.

Soon my boxing regime will start once again, this time the complete stuff, not just heavy bags. I most prob will be proceeding to phrase 2 of the RT because 1 mth is simply too little time to tone up enough to pass the IPPT, but im not complaining, because RT force the focus into me. I needa get kicked in the butt to take training religiously.

And now abit of psychology.
We human beings, always have highs and lows in our emotional states. But the surprising thing is there's no absolute continuing span of high or low. Meaning, what comes up must go down, what goes down must come up. Have u ever wondered how a simple song, or a single event can instantly affect ur mood? Sometimes even a 180 degree change?

Different people have different methods to calm themselves down, and for me, its music. The wonderful thing about music is the various genres seems to have a mind of their own, singing about love, or simply chanting about hope and life itself. Each and every song have a soul of its own, and that's how i perceive songs to be, an individual entity. I heard from somewhere, that every song tells a story.

Usually things can be very simple, so why make things so difficult?

Jason's : Im just a man. A simple man.

Evanescence

Slack day todae, slept all the way till 1pm plus, then went to meet mee kia for haircut. I didnt realli cut my hair, kinda trim it only. After new yr then cut ang moh head. Wootz. Then somewhere around late noon, went to meet zhengyi for kopi at jurong point coffee bean.

Zhengyi always have this notion that im still that kiddish fellow that always tok cock and nonsense with him, but sad to say, its wrong. I guess he needs someone who he tinks is a loser to side with, and automatically he includes me inside his loser list. Therefore sometimes its simply upsetting that he keeps trying to lower my self-esteem by saying things that are veri disheartening to say the least.

I once said a man's heart should be like the ocean, able to swallow and forgive. All along i tried to live by that phrase, yet people start seeing me as a timid fellow. To me, its better that people see me as a weakling, then fear me for my temper. I know deep within that sometimes things might seem unfair and there's injustice, yet i chose to forgive and forget the whole thing.

Im not without fire though im nice, its juz that my fire, aint that kinda normal fire. Im in a very peaceful state of emotions now, finally untying all the knots that have plagued me for so long. All the past burdens that i have carried with me quietly, are slowly being put down one by one.

As i become lighter physically and emotionally, im beginning to see life as a wholesome entity, not as some cramped up existence. Why be bothered by things and people that seems fucked up? Let it go ba, everything has a start and has an end. Let grudges and grievances be a thing of the past, all those things will be gone with the wind. Letting go is easier said then done, but everything is simply due to your perspective, knowing when to let go is a profound knowledge.

Therefore, im now a clean sheet, started anew. My mind is aligned to my dreams and ambitions, my heart is aligned to a wonderful gal, my body is aligned towards building a better shape. Sometimes i contradict my entries, so try to understand how come im so contradictory.

Derek McDonald - Hurts So Bad

Jason's : Can i tok to you for a minute? Can i bring u out for a day?

Obviously Obvious

I still wonder how come ppl still doesnt notice it at all. I asked the one-nearest-to-me izzit obvious, and he told me for ppl tat kws, its veri obvious. Im not trying to be all secretive about this thing, but i simply dun wanna advertise it, its sickening when the whole world knows and you're kinda stuck.

I dun hold much hope, eugene told me, the higher the hope, the greater the disappointment. She's a very nice gal, i sincerely say this, yet i further understand that things have not gone the way i want them for a very long time already. I keep trying to drop hints, but whether she gets it anot, im not sure. Up to this point, if gals realli have a sixth sense, then she should know its her.

As for the past, she's a sister to me now, no more then that. After thinking thru, there's no point denying things when ppl disturb me, just smile and forget it. The more i deny, the more im still into it, therefore, dun deny, accept the joke and laugh it off. :)

These days im becoming damn sporty, monday to friday im active for 4 days man, and im gonna go for RT later at 4pm. Monday basketball, tuesday badminton, wednesday RT, thursday basketball, saturday RT. Wootz, im feeling shagged out but damn healthy and happy after every tiring day.

The fats are burning and i can feel it, but it shall take sometime for me to lose significant weight, because there's no instant healthy way to lose the lard. Im more outdoorish these days not only because of my O, its also because of various other reasons like passing my ippt etc. And yeah, i wanna look better, im a rubbish heap now.

I desperately need to clean my room, the mess is back. Clothes all over the floor, things all littered around the room. I've always wanted to buy new furniture, but im financially tight, so ya. I most probably wanna make my room black and white, so im now tinking of spraying my current cupboards and tables in my room black and white. Muahahah, im mad. :P

98 Degrees - "The day we find love" --> This isnt the first time, wont be the last time.

Jason's : Change is evident and eminent.

Short Entry

Too tired to blog much. Anyways todae is a happening day, alot of quarrels man. From class to DOTA, all got quarrels. Haiz, i want peace man, between frends there's no need to flare up, tok things thru calmly.

Seeing that, im somebody that will only show fangs to outsiders. Im extremely explosive when outsiders step on my tail, but towards frends, i have a veri high threshold. hahass.

People are blind to the obvious sometimes, hahass, and that is a good thing for me at the moment.

Games are meant to destress, not further stress. Why get so worked up over a game man?

There are people in the world that u can never win against in a quarrel. I know of one such person. hurhur.


Jason's : As the days pass, the certainty of choice presents itself to me.

人心难测

Todae went for my 1st RT, for those tat dun kw what is RT, it stands for Remedial Training, and its designed to help losers like me pass IPPT. hahass, maybe not losers, how bout seriously unfit individuals? :)

Anyways todae was a slack day, listened to briefing and i had a slight recollection of my army days and the things we did. I was wondering how come i didnt take the chance in army to slim down, rather then staying round and plump. Ahhhh, life and its intricate intricacies.

While slacking and enjoying the strong breeze at maju camp, i came upon some important insights on relationships. I was reflecting on how i felt the day before, when i was in school and i saw my first love again. This time, i surprised myself, because i saw her, and the only thing running thru my mind is we're frens, i no longer want her. All these years, i never realli gotten over her, yet tat day, i totally feel nothing.

When there's somebody else that's significant enough in your life, they will automatically overtake whoever is residing within ur heart. The logic is simple enough, no love is forever. This is the first time somebody actually took over her place, and that somebody, is a very ironic somebody.

I discovered my criteria have shifted drastically over the years. From searching for someone whose soft spoken, dependant and passive, to somebody totally the opposite. Everybody have norms to prescribe what kinda person suits him or her, and im no different. I know this sounds silly, but my specifications in the past was just to find someone to spend time with, this time round, i want somebody that can go the distance.

You know, tat kinda guy that have wives that are always behind them supporting them, while they fight their heads off in the business world? I foresee myself as one of them, and i needa find somebody that have qualities like tat. In short, like what xuanhe said, im looking for somebody that can help me solve problems, not create more problems. That's why those soft spoken, dependant and passive ladies ain't my type now.

Back to RT todae, i was Q-ing up to key in my height and weight, when i saw a little man infront of me. I dun wanna sound mean, but he's a total sad case. 155cm, bone thin, head of a uncle and body of a goblin, coupled with rotting teeth and kiddish actions, makes him the bottom few of the singaporean male enviroment. ( I know, im fucked up, but make do with it ba, im a little crazy nowadays, im very nice normally.)

And there's alot of other very very fat fellows, which i would totally lose when it comes to wrestling. Seeing them in that form, makes me fear for myself. What if i become like them? Eat eat eat, grow fat and become like them? And xuanhe likes to remind me of wat became of MC King to dissuade me from over eating. All these stuffs are working man, no fucking way am i gonna become like them. No fucking way man. Im 24, single and i needa earn my 1st million by 30 yrs old!

People laugh when i tell them i want a million bucks by 30 yrs old, that makes me all the more determined to deliver on my self-prophecy. I jokingly told mee-kia that in the event that im 29 and im no where near my million, i will go rob bank. hahas!

At the bus depot in the evening, i saw something veri heartwarming. An veri old ang moh couple are holding hands and walking around the depot. How can their love last so long, and even when they're so old, they still so loving and backpacking around the world? The instance u see them, u will understand, true love does exists in this world. This sentence is contradictory to my 'No love is forever' theory if u noticed. Food for thought, is it realli contradictory? Go think about it. :)

Was watching the movie A1 HEADLINES just now, and edison chen said something impressive in the movie. When a guy lays eyes on a woman, they're classified into 3 cathegories. One type is those u see alreadi jittao dislike one, meaning there's something that makes u condemn them. Second type is those labeled FAT, not literally, but as in Fuck And Throw. Lastly is those women that once u laid eyes on her, u wanna spend ur days with her.

So in short, Type 1 is the Condemned, Type 2 is the Flings, and Type 3 is the Girlfriend Material.
Crude, i know, fucked up, guaranteed, but this is the bare truth, all guys have this classification system programed into them, there's no way around it.

Tonite is a good nite, good nite to sleep, and im starting to miss those rainy nites.

Jason's : I will still sing 'Forever Love' for my galfrend no matter what happens.

My Alter-Ego

Some people are just childish, i dun fucking know why am i still competing with tat fucker, i just dun wanna lose out? A failure in life is somebody who have fallen from the ranks, according to xh, i do think its true, if u're smart, then u wouldnt be here in the first place. And so i sealed my fate as another failure in life. watever.

I met eugene and xh todae at jurong point, we're supposed to be shopping for new yr clothes, but im the end eugene just bought a rim of paper and we headed to my house to play mahjong. Wrong move, i lost money again. I keep losing money man, cb one. I will wash my hands off gambling until my luck turns better.

The man side of me is running amok these few days, so i might be a little violence-inclinded. Another notion is, i simply cant fucking stick to a regime, either im totally rebellious or im simply lazy. Gosh, i tink its the second. So i shall give myself 2 more weeks, if things dun get better, im switching to extreme mode. She wont stay single forever you know?

Tonite is a emo nite, not that kinda love-lorn-sad kinda emo, but more towards a fuck-the-world kinda emo. Meaning fucked up mood, i kinda wanna hit every single fucking bastard out there. Dun kw why, images of those cb kias in my life starts floating pass my mind one by one. Either im having what they call male-form PMS, or im going crazy. I tink its the latter.

There might be another reason why im soooooooo fucking pissed, but its a reason i wont say, simply because it reflects very very badly on me. Yes, as a businessman and as a frend. Those who are interested can ask me, i rather tell u personally then posting it for the whole world to see how fucked up i am.

How many times have u seen me being veri quiet? Im only quiet for special reasons. Either im sad, tulanz, or i gek sai too the extend that if i open my mouth to speak, shit will come out from the ass. Im never a quiet person, so people tend to get worried when i stop toking. I will cut short my hair veri veri soon, im starting to get sick of trying to get them in the right place throughout the day. I want hassle free hair.

Cannot, buay tahan le, i go sleep le, if i continue i tink more fucked up stuffs will flow out. Nitez.

Jason's : An unknown anger engulfs me, dun fuck with me please.

Happy B'day Nich!

Happy day todae, went to celebrate nich's birthday after noon lessons. There's some issues that made me abit upset in the noon class, but since its nich's bday, nvm ba. If u ppl wanna kw what happened, its simple, my fucking cb school is not printing notes for us, we have to print notes ourselves. i know, its insane and dumb, but all in all, its my fault for being too dumb lah, why choose RMIT man. ccb.

Anyways, as i was saying, todae is nich's bday, and though we didnt realli hugely celebrate it, we did went to eat and stuffs like tat, so ya, its fruitful lah. hahass. Im slowly breaking out of my cocoon as well, im not feeling so 'locked up' anymore, if u kw wat i mean. Someone is slowly unlocking me from the inside, slowly and steadily.

Things are starting to pick up speed the nxt few weeks. I have a premonition that i will be packed and stretched to my mental limits. Lots of projects, and i have to get ready for the bazaar in school that's coming up from 12-14th Feb. Yes, its a valentine's day bazaar and yes, im selling PSP stuffs at a valentine's day bazaar. hahahass! World first! :)

Toking about valentine's, i kinda wanna go out with you-know-who leh, but i still dun dare to ask her out, dun kw why. hahass! See how ba, i alreadi made an appointment with bestie to go out tat day, so we shall see how things go ba. And i tink i wont be receiving chocolates this valentine's ba, im so fat, noone likes me. hahass!

I wanna cut my hair short, i've been sporting long hair for sometime alreadi, abit sick of it, but i dun kw what kinda style to cut man. U know those ang moh shows hor, they got those 'ang moh' hair style that is short in the front, medium length at the back and sides. Then when u style can get those out-of-bed hair that is neat yet sibei nice one. Im trying to get that kinda style, but i always cant get a picture to show my hair stylish. hmms...

I actually wanted to blog about something, but i forgot wat. I always have this habit of tinking bout stuffs when im on the bus, but everytime i reach home and wanna blog it out, i ALWAYS forget. There's this sianzation, when u are so excited and agitated to write down something, but when u are ready to type it all down, u suddenly drew a blank in ur mind. Fuck. -.-"

Jason's : There's this guy that speaks like a fly in my lecture. Hahahas! Im mean!

神经病!

There are some people in this world that are so dumb. They ask questions that i wouldnt even dream about asking. Ironically, these people are the people that pays me for my products. yes, their name is customer.

Selling PSPs is a fun endeavour indeed, i get asked super dooper interesting questions, like " what's the weight diff between PSP fat and slim ah?", and "what's the centimetre difference ah?". The most epic one is " Can i play my PS2 games in the PSP?". Sometimes i dun kw wanna laugh or wanna cry. Then there's this veri interesting customer, he wanted me to send him the entire PSP games pricelist, which is impossible to get simply because supplier prices are kept secret in order to be competitive. Haiz... the sad facet of a up and coming entrepreneur~~~

These days, im getting abit crazy i tink, but what the heck lah, what's so bad about being crazy? being crazy is good. Mad is better. Muahahaha. See how serious its getting? Im even contemplating about the possibility of going overseas and climbing some mountains... oh fuck, im realli mad. zzzzz

Jason's : Lurve Lovre Love Luve Loourve~~~

黑色毛衣

Its surprising where u can simply overlook something or someone. This comes at a time when i truly needed it and the more i find out and understand, the more im attached. I shouldnt be too blunt or obvious here, lest the repercussions will swallow me whole. I will be giving myself and this issue sometime, i feel that there's something special this time round, even i cannot comprehend it.

But i do have to say something first, my entries in the past projects me as a good guy and boyfrend bla bla bla, but in actual fact i dont have a actual girlfrend before, so its all one-sided judgement. No one will say he or she is fucked up and mean it sincerely lah, so just to inform u people, keep a neutral stance, im not some god-sent boyfrend from heaven or watever. Nonetheless, i solemnly promise to treat my future girlfrend with respect and will take good care of her no matter what happens. And no, promises are not meant to be broken. :)

Currently my status is not here not there, meaning i've just started out as a entrepreneur, still pursuing my degree and lacks a long term part-time job. Im fat but not ugly, and i tink im not extremely fat lah, just abit round. hahahass. Interestingly, im happy now, though im finantially tight, i think im quite satisfied with how things turned out till now. Sad stuffs are behind me, and slowly happier times are looking to be just around the corner.

RT is starting next saturday, and i kinda look forward to it, because i will turbo run during RT, then i will slim down abit ba. Slimming down is a bonus lah, i just wanna pass my IPPT, whether i slim down and become yandao hor, i dun fuck care anymore. If the gal i like thinks i cannot make it because im fat, then its pointless to be spending time trying to get into her good books lah. If u truly like me, whether im fat slim ugly or handsome u also will like de lah, good looks and rock-hard body is a bonus, the key to whether a relationship can go the distance lies in the personality.

Technically, if we just ignore those fucking bastard (eg--> cheater shawn) and childish fuckers, our life will be better. Why bother toking and arguing with those fucktarts? Simply show them the finger and walk off ba, dun waste your breathe toking to them. I will only open my mouth to talk to people i deemed are my frends, and toking about frends, i love my OG. (i know this sounds gay lah, but seriously, you guys and gals are the best.)

Nich, eugene, reilly, xuanhe, these 4 jokers are the guys closest to me in the OG, especially nich and eugene. Nich is abit crazy, eugene is full of lust, rei hates gays and xuanhe is kenny no more! Anyways if u guys happen to be reading this entry, i have some stuffs to tell u all. Firstly to nich, pls dun listen to so much emo chinese songs, er xin leh. Eugene, dun sian ba, there's alot of others in SIM lah, forget the nurse and yan ba. Rei, study more lah, dun play so much MMORPG lah, abit lifeless leh. Xuanhe, tok more to train ur mouth muscles ba, they needa move after so long.

And well, after so long, i finally will try saving up for a backpacking trip to taiwan or hongkong at mid year. Will try to save up around 2000 bucks ba, but if i get attached ( ya, attached to my O), then maybe save around 4000 bucks till end of the year, then sponsor her trip as well. hohoh, me and my big fat dream. lolx! But watever man, i will still start planning for the trip ba.

Jason's : I see perfection almost everyday, how could i have missed it?

Jason 很安静...

Zhou jie lun. One of the most talented singer song writer of our time. Initially when he started out, i didnt tink much of him, i dismissed him as just another up and rising star which will fade out in like 1 mth time. But im wrong. lolx

Among his songs, i absolutely loved his ai zai xi yuan qian, tui hou, hui dao guo qu and wo bu pei. There's simply too many songs that he wrote which tugged at my heartstrings at differing periods of my life. I have this habit of assigning songs to people, and now i have the habit of writing songs because of people. Though the songs i wrote isnt realli top notch, they encompass the pure sincerity that im very proud to possess.

A veri important thing that i always like to tell myself is, though im noone special and have nothing special, my sincerity towards relationships are never doubted. Ah, why did i come to this topic? i should be toking about jay's song in this entry. lolx

Well, back to jay, another song that holds lots of meaning for me is duan le de xuan. Can strings that are broken ever be reconnected? Strings once broken, even if connected back are never as they were before. I have tried lots of time to piece together the broken pieces together, but you will never get back the same whole ever again. As is with everything, nothing will ever be the same again.

Nobody ever gives u the same feeling, everyone u came into contact with is unique, as is every relationship. Every story has its integrity, and has its value. Some people dun like stories, they detest past failures and condemns those stories because they believe it narrates their stupidity and foolishness. But did they ever realised, no matter how sad that story was, its part and parcel of what made them who they are now.

The key to a broken heart is always with another person. Whether that person comes along is another issue altogether. Jay's xin yu tells a sad tale about the sorrow that falls upon him like the relentless cold rain. Sorrow is never a good thing, yet its the emotion that forces us to mature the most.

Ban dao tie he, describes the happiness that is locked into a box, and which he had lost the key that he once had. A key and a locked box, a key and a locked heart, a key and a locked lock. Would u rather spend time finding the key to a box that will never open unless u find the right key, or would u rather spend time finding the right box for your key? I for one, will gladly spend time searching for that one single key that can open the unique box that i have chosen.

Jason's : Silence signifies the highest decibel of disappointment.

Sibei Sian

Boring Boring Boring, i've been running around these few days, until todae then i have the chance to take a breather. But still, life is boring. Nothing special happens, im still trying to shed lard, still dun dare to breathe a word to her, still obsessed with getting rich etc. There's so many 'stills' and the only consolations is i've accomplished some of those stuffs.

Shedding lard is a slow and steady process, no point rushing. If u like me, then good, dun like me, nvm, i dun fuck care. I know my mum likes me no matter how fat i am. muahahaha. Yes, im loved by my mum. lolx. Anyways seriously lah, im not bad looking, just abit rounded. Lose the lard and im there. Easier said then done i know, but if moses lim can do it, why cant i?

Regarding her, i dun wanna say anything more. So many entries about her, people do get sick listening about it though i will never get sick toking bout her. hahasss

Eugene chided me 2 days ago, and i tink i truly deserve the scolding. Im fucked up in some sense that i wouldnt wanna say here, but i think only true frends scold u. Im that kinda crazy fellow that reflects alot, so when people give opinions on my stuffs, i listen and i appreciate it.

Daily life wise, im trying to spice things up a little, but spicing up needs money, and money is the only other thing i dun have besides a darling. I need new clothes, and since new yr is coming, maybe some other new stuffs as well. Needa meet up with my buddies as well, its the new year man.

Education wise, im still on route towards my degree, so ya, i needa put in effort. I do suspect i will do the last minute thingy again this semester, im not the 'continual assessment' kinda guy, if u get wat i mean. Lots of projects this semester, which means i have to depend on my project mates alot. I trust the guys, but for those random teams, i just need to pray hard.

New year resolutions. I make them for the sake of making them, but i hardly adhere to them. hahass. First to come is the resolution i have made for the past 10 yrs i tink, lose weight. Second is get a good darling. Third is financial surplus ( if this comes true, im gonna bring my mum to hong kong.). And then there's the top 50, hahass, dun tink its possible tis yr. Something is telling me 2008 is my year, i dun kw why, but i have a feeling i will get watever i want this year. hmms...

Jason's : Success = Money = Confidence = Charisma

Preserved

I cant help but wonder if somebody actually put some kinda voodoo curse one me. My world is always in a mess, i always meet people that suits me to a tee, yet we were never fated to get together. Its seriously abit nonsensical leh, and in the end, i have alot of very close female frends. Argh, maybe im supposed to be gay, and then something went wrong that made me non-gay?

I always wondered, what kinda stage will we be at if we're realli together. With a smile and a chuckle, i do understand that it takes 2 hands to clap, and since im the only hand clapping, no sound will ever be produced. Im not emo now or wat lah, just disappointed that what can be so perfect never turned out to be so. And like KC and Joe Joe's song 'All My Life', i prayed all my life for someone like her. When i finally found her, she doesnt feel the same way. Life and it's beautiful plot never fails to intrigue does it?

Its hard to verbally describe that kinda disappointment, its like being brought high up into the heavens, and suddenly u were dropped all the way to earth. If only she could see eye to eye and understand all that we can be and will be. Ah, its getting too obvious i tink, shouldnt be dwelling on this too much ba. Im not toking bout my O.

Back to reality. Life aint so great to me, its realli dull infact. School is boring, because after a short 1st week, i have like 2 weeks to slack before the next lecture starts. I know, timetable is fucked up, what to do? Bird school, bird admin, bird lecturers and therefore bird me. Sad.

Focusing on my stuffs aint so easy, because there isnt realli much to focus on. When i focus to do something, i finish it realli fast, and therefore nothing is left to focus at the end. Understand wat i mean? If u do, good, if not, read the sentence again until u understand.

I know those people that reads my blog might be finding it a tad too boring, because there's no pictures and stuffs like tat. Sad to say, i dun have much pictures of myself. hahass. Toking about pictures, i was flipping thru pics of my younger self, and i did changed quite abit. I wonder how did my primary and secondary school frends identified me.

Ending this entry, i had a great time todae, went to watch movie, had dhoby ghaut's super nice fish soup and went shopping with ah-sa. Ah sa lives in tampines and therefore she is a tampinian. Ya, she's an alien. hoho

Jason's : Would u have the heart to vie with another more sincere man who waited patiently?

Lapsup Entry

How much does it takes for one to trust another? The answer to that question varies from person to person. For me, it doesnt come easily. Im not regularly betrayed if that's what u are wondering, its difficult for me to completely trust a person. Wonder why am i touching on this issue, hmms.

The eyes are the windows to your soul, i truly believe in that, i like to look at people in the eyes, because deep within those black/brown/green/blue/hazel jewels, lies an entity called sincerity. Sincerity is the most precious and pure demonstration of love and honesty, its completely voluntary and only exists if that person wills it. And to add to that, some eyes are so beautiful that simply gazing into them makes u catch a slight glimpse of paradise. Absolute beauty, so silent, yet meaning so so much. Perfection.

As i was telling gene, its getting deeper, though there's a period of unrest. I understand that im falling into a bottomless pit, but i would gladly jump in just to see whether there's an end to the pit after all. Hope and fate is never my frends, so i do wonder if they will take my side tis time round. But its realli getting deeper, i can feel it drilling slowly in. Gene told me to bid my time, i have to agree with him, its not foreseeable to be positive in any direction now.

Something happened ytd on msn, which i conveniently told the guys. But i guess its nothing much lah, im just taken aback by the suddenness of that event. Maybe frendly ba, simply frendly. U wanna kw, ask me in person, i will gladly tell u. :)

School life started yesterday, and its not as exciting as i expected it to be. Though im secretly happy, its still abit dull. hahass. The people in class are still the usual people, and i guess the surviving people in our class now are the people who will graduate with me ba. Its always like tat, there's always some people that are in ur class for a few sems, then they will be gone slowly and then u're left with the remnants, just like my poly class. hahass. Sad but true, some frens will be gone just like tat. hmms.

Thursday going to science center! wootz, its been alot of years since i last went to the science center man, hahass, i wonder what are the changes after all these years? hmms...

Jason's : Excessive stunts will harm your body.

Chiseled

Would u prefer a ipod or a psp? For me, its ipod. heh. I dun like the idea of playing with a handheld in public, i rather spend my time listening to songs and tinking new ideas for all my different interests like new melodies for songs, new business ideas, and yes, most of the time, gals.

Im being told to bring a psp to skool and play in skool as a kinda publicity stunt, but i seriously dun like to play games in public, i feel like a kid man. gosh. But well, for business, i have to do it, so ya, lan lan. Maybe put shows and movies in ba, can at least watch ba. hmms.

Next monday skool starts, and i have a feeling its gonna be a routine semester again. Sunrise sunset kinda routine. ah watever, im starting to spout nonsense again. And i after so long, i still feel tat a guy shouldnt have a blog to show how soft he actually is inside. i kw, im contradicting, but watever the fuck lah, i aint tinking rite now. hahahass

And yes, im evolving mentally yet again. This time, its starting to contradict my values from within. Im getting violent again, must be the recent involvement in basketball. As i have said, im becoming crazier now, im falling in love with sports of every kind. Especially those can do stunts one. Heck whether i can slim down anot, i just wanna enjoy myself, slimming down is a bonus, what matters is the fun. :)

Was toking to sebastian and chatting about the starhub days. Those crazy things i did back then was simply put, crazy. hahass. I do regret acting so impulsively then, because till now i still didnt say a single sorry to her. That is why i have sworn off doing anything romantic for anybody that im wooing, because if u over did it, then its hard to even be frends. No more scrapbook or what fuck shits until she's officially mine. The best part of you must always be reserved for people that reciprocate your love and who u are, not for somebody that is still a question mark.

And there's another person, that i dun even know whether to apologise anot, because im still abit confused on what actually happened. But no use saying so much, its ur actions that determine how sincere u are ba. Enough said , dun need to publicize so much, just be nice to that person can le.

Another issue is money. i am poor. period. Should i withdraw the profits? I tink i endure ba, the profits are meant to be stored to around $1k then used to buy stocks as a form of investment, so i shall endure. So tentatively, im poorer then bangalas and im still waiting for starhub to have roadshows so i can work. No more credit card for me, their pay system is fucked up now, so i rather dun work for them, how the fuck can i get $0 after selling 20+ cards? Argh wtf man.

And so i shall have a job that will allow me to wear jeans, wearing pants is so not me lor, i more a jeans and t-shirt guy, ur typical guy that is lazy to dress up, except for special occasions. :) I know im fat, but im learning to love the lard, slim or fat, u have to live your life. Happiness is a choice, its never given and never taken, its chosen. If i like somebody, and they ostracized me for being fat, they aint worth it in the first place.

Being fat is not a sin, its just a exterior shell that shows ur lack of physical activities. So if somebody shows u attitude or condemn u because u're fat, they aint that fucking sane after all. Its just some opinions i have towards people that tink fat fucks are good for nothing. Im recalling some past events that made me so agitated all of a sudden. Its regarding one guy called dominic, anyways fuck his 18 ancestors, that pua cb kia. (I have alreadi forgiven him, but the sudden tulanness juz came up, so ya. hoho)

And so, my 2008 resolution is made, but yr in yr out, how many people actually stick to new year resolutions? lolx. Watever lahs, at least im veri sure what i want this year, except for the dilemma that i was toking about in the last entry. But things will iron themselves out in the end, in the meantime i needa set up the foundation for greater things to come. My visions and dreams, they're there for the taking.

Lastly, to reflect upon what alot of frends say, im too preoccupied with affairs of the heart. Why should my life be entwined around romance when my purpose is to build my business empire to leave a legacy for the future? My main focus should be on my ambition and aspirations, not on gals. If one person says so, its just his opinion, but close frens like peter, sebastian, ah wei all told me to refocus attention on the bigger picture in life, family, career. I tink you guys are rite. Definitely. No point chasing skirts when i could be building a better future for myself. Skirts and fate are products of nature, and they will come naturally. :)

Jason's Enlightenment : Alot of things have gone unsaid, but will we get the chance to say them tomolo?

Kids

Sometimes, i listen to people and i feel that they are at the same stage as i was before. Meaning i actually went thru that kinda mentality before. Childish, immature and dumb. Especially when it comes to relationships.

People say they will change themselves for somebody in 2 or 3 yrs time, they made that statement with so much vigor that u will think them as being realli sincere. 2 to 3 yrs later, they changed as they have said, but everything changed as well, the person u wanna change for, turns out to be just another someone. That person isnt what u wanted after all, because with physical change, comes mental change, its unavoidable.

That goes the same for people that say they will wait for somebody, no matter the time. To them, i will say --> fuck u understand? Dun say stuffs u dun mean, even if u do mean them during the time u say them. If u cannot confirm and ascertain that in future u will stick to your promise, dun make them.

Waiting is simply dumb, its not im not sincere, but there's a limit. While u wait and rot and become emo and sad, do she know? No. When u go through all the shit while pinning for her smile, her hand and her hug, does she know? No. And finally, when u are so sincere and keep on doing so many stuffs for her, does she know? No.

Since she dont know a damn thing while u do all these, is it worth it? No again. Therefore, dun bother. If she likes you, she will accept u now. If she dun like you, u can be a casanova and its still hopeless. Period. Like means like, dun like means dun like. Ah, i remember commenting on this in a previous entry, so i will not say more.

In myself, i see myself degrading slowly. Im starting to doubt the sanity of being really nice to somebody who isnt worth it. You only open the door to your heart and your world to somebody who wants to be in it, anyhow open the door, and despair might slowly creep in. Bit by bit, your sincerity is eroded away without any value, and the end result is what we call heartache. Never trust anybody with your heart unless that person proof that he or she is worthy of it. This message goes out to everybody out there. Remember, dun trust anybody easily, even me.

Therefore if u see me still being nice to you after this entry, u should know, u are among the ones that i really trust and like. Frends, gals, watever. Once the trust is there, it is unwavering. Why the sudden strong entry? Because somebody just told me something that i totally disagree with.

He told me he likes this gal that i know so much that he is willing to change himself in 2 yrs, and if the gal is still single, he will woo her. I laughed in his face, told him he is childish and hinted to him to wake up the idea. He's still young, there's so many options out there, he met the gal not long ago somemore. In this 2yrs, he will meet countless other people, and im willing to bet my balls that he will find someone better. Yesh, you heard right, i will cut off my balls if he never change target.

Worse is, when i asked him how come he's so into her, he told me that its challenging and fun. When i saw that, i instantly warned him, if he dares to toy with her, im gonna play with his detached balls. Then he told me he's joking, and everything he said is nonsense. I pua his cb, knn wtf he meant man? Im not happy, especially since the gal is somebody i know. Argh, some guys are just soooo fucked up.

And to add salt to spice, another frend i toked to ytd, wanted to bet with me whether i can get the gal i want anot. I instantly reject. Dramas and shows also got show leh, u DO NOT bet on whether u can get a gal anot. They are human beings with a beating heart, u dun bet on their hearts like some worthless stuff. There's no price tag attached to somebody's heart, so its of immeasurable value. Since we're frends, i gave him my advice and told him never to bet on things so childish. You wanna go after somebody because u realli like him/her, not because of some stupid bet. Fook.

Im beginning to understand how come some people are so defensive and totally close the doors shut. Its just so messy out there, u never know who or what kinda beast u are letting into your heart. Its so serious that some people even switched gender preference or chose to remain single all their lives. Wow.

Went supper with aiying just now, she asked me a very intriguing question. Why do guys change hearts. Um, how to answer? lolx. My explanation is simple, people change. What they want now might not be what they want in future. There's no way to prevent stuffs from happening, my mentality is what comes, comes. When someone wanna leave, no matter what u do, that person will still leave. I will never wanna retain somebody physically, while her heart is not with me. Its like caging a bird and snipping off its wings. Freedom, is something that everyone should have.

As to myself, I dare not say i 100% will not stray ( even if i wanna stray, i dun have the qualities lah, im too fat.), but i will learn from my dad's mistake and never walk his path. One means one, dun let your dick get the better of you. And mind you, good wives are dick-cutters, they will KILL you if u stray. lolx.

This entry is abit long, because its been some time since my last entry, alot to crap about. hahass. Now on to more daily stuffs. My mum has been pestering me to clean up my room since august, and i tink its time to clean up le. hahahas! im a bad son i know. lolx. Im now jobless, and rotting at home waiting for business. Being boss isnt so exciting after all. lolx.

Emotions wise, im now starting to get confused once again. Typical of me lah, there's stuffs i'd better not say here, but seriously, my dream yesterday nite isnt what i call a straight forward decision. Do dreams reflect your sub-conscious, or are they simply opposites of reality and how u feel? The irony of dreams and life. hahass

Jason's Simplicity : All the beauties of life is man-made. The only never-changing thing is change.

Hi! Can i be your frend?

Hahahas, i cant stop laughing after looking at a guy's friendster profile, i see his picture i alreadi buay tahan alreadi, i dun fucking know why. HAHAHAHASSSS dumb fuck!!!! HAHAHAHAHAS!

Alrite, i know its bad laughing at people, because i myself is also none the better, most probably worse, but still, he realli looks like a cock. lolx. pardon me, im little mad todae. Since i've started on this dumb issue of cocks in friendster, i shall continue to entertain myself. :)

I realised, guys come in various varieties ( yeah, i know, im a guy too.), most of them are normal, but there's this minority that's abit off the edge. They are the people that are like 20+ yrs old, and they go message 14-16 yr old kids in friendster stuffs like " Hi, wanna be frends?" or maybe " Heys, u are realli pretty and i like u alot, can we be friends?". HAHAHAHAHAS!!!! Dumb fucks! How do i know? Because my younger sister and my other female friends showed me their friendster inbox and we totally laughed our heads off.

And then further more, some of them claimed to be super hunky, one even said he looks like david beckham! Im like, if you REALLI looked like beckham, then why the fuck do u need to know a 14-16 yr old girl for? Go date models lah fuck tart. lol! I can never understand how some guys in their 20s can actually do something so stupid. I classify these people as paedophiles, perverts in the making. If u realli wanna target, get somebody thats above 18. Dun be so pathetic and terrorize secondary school gals for god sake.

And its no surprise most of these guys are in army. I've been to army, and to date i've known 2 perverts while i was serving the nation. One claims he is singapore's best lion dancer and has learned martial arts since he was young. My big question to him was: Why are u still so fat? hahahahss! ( Im fat too, i know. T_T)

The second one was a guy that smells and steals. He smells because he never bathes for 3 days in a row, and he steals people's handphones and stuffs. When he got caught, he kneels down and beg the guys not to beat the shit out of him or report him. Once is okay, twice is coincidence, but he did it for 6 times! wow!

Anyways, these 2 low-lifes are similar, in that they like realli young gals. One of them has a 14 yr old gal as a gf, and he likes to browse thru his frends' friendster to find new targets to cheat. The other guy that steals alot is much more obvious, he borrows ur handphone, saying his handphone is low on batt, then he goes to the toilet with ur phone. Guess what he did in the toilet? He copied the female phone numbers in ur phone into his phone, and he calls the gals up saying he's some fren of yours that wanna know the gal. I know, this guy's a complete fucker. He should be wasted even before he was born. And did i say he had a 12 yr old gf? Both these guys are 20+, and their gfs are 14 and 12 yr old. Argh, pervs! End of perv stories. Enough for todae.

And then, todae i went to utilize facebook's horoscope reading out of boredom. And guess what did the it say? I paste it here for u people to see and decipher ba.


Virgo Love Horoscope
Friday, December 21
More than anything, relaxation and psychic neutrality is important for being able to see things with objectivity. If you have been accumulating small animosities or misunderstandings with someone in the past, it is very possible that suddenly everything will come to light.


What does it mean? I dun know. But this type of thing see for the fun can le, no point being too superstitious. My fate is in my own hands, i forge my own destiny and path in life.

And before i turn in for the night, i wanna touch on the emotion called patience. Maybe its not even a emotion, but lets try to define patience. Patience is the amount of shit you're willing to put up with before u actually blow your top. hahahas, crude but accurate i tink. I always believe, everybody deserve a chance to be understood and known. Yes, even the pervs. I tried to understand them, but its pointless, they're hopeless.

Things happen for a reason, people react in a certain way for a reason too. I would rather try to understand that reason, then to waste time trying to prove u're right. Noone is right all the time, i find people that tink they are right all the time veri veri sickening. If u cant lose your ego, then u shouldnt be allowed to have a ego in the first place. Anyways, as i was saying, if you're nice to me, i can put up with alot of shit. Too much infact sometimes.

In the event that you're out to 'eat' me, then im sorry to tell u my patience is limited, as i've demonstrated recently to that bastard that tried to cheat me and ah wei. My circuit is veri short for people i dun know, meaning people in society. I hate those people that open their legs very widely on the mrt or bus. The way they sit is like their family jewels is damn big and needs alot of space for them to nestle. My reaction is simple, use my leg to push their leg back, or stare at them, then stare at their legs, then repeat the action. They get the message all the time. :)

And so what's your patience level? I bet u have differing levels for different people, that's a norm for human beings. For me, i try my best not to stereotype and judge too quickly. Im not perfect myself, so why expect people to be perfect?

Okies, todae im abit mad. i know. I shouldnt laugh at people, its mean and nasty of me. lolx. Bad karma, i can feel it coming.....

P.S. : Eh, stop asking about my sister lah, she's attached alreadi, so please stop acting asking about how i am just to find a excuse to get my sister's number. We're frends since poly, and i wanna stay that way. :)

Jason's Simplicity: Whenever something is right, there's always another thing that's wrong.