Timid-ology

Went to source for suppliers todae, learnt alot todae. I realised im damn interested in business man, i like to listen to people's advice and then come out with my own judgement. Knowing people is also fun, though many might not be ur business partners in the end. I found out alot about how businesses operate, and the difficulties of a initial startup, that's y i say, i learnt alot todae. heh.

Anyways these days im at home rotting, not because i dun have a job, but because noone called. Its getting sickening rotting at home, although i can watch all my dramas in peace. Currently im catching up on Heroes Season 2, Prison Break Season 3 and the various jap and korean dramas. Jap drama wise im watching Kurosagi now, its nice, but i heard Liar Game is better, so most prob after Kurosagi i will move on to Liar Game.

And since i have so much time, i also borrowed the entire Naruto anime from fei zai win to slowly watch. Im contented to spend time at home watching shows and playing games, yet when reality strucks, it always hurts. Financial woes always follows when u rot for too long, u do so many things that make u happy, and at the end of the mth when all the bills come, u cry father cry mother also no use, no money means no money. Fuck.

And i have so much stuffs to buy, new clothes, raybans ( i kw, its been almost 6 mths since i said i wanted to get them) , new specs, new contact lens, PSP, ipod touch.... and the list continues. The age old saying is extremely true, money never seems to be enough, the law of economics always applies, trying to satisfy unlimited wants with limited resources. Ta ma de, hao poor....

My dreams of driving a BMW by nxt yr feb have to be postponed, simply because i haven actually done any thing as of todae. Its such a pain in the ass when only a few people have the guts and the drive to do something about their ambitions. People think of becoming rich lah, be boss lah, drive big car and have lots of paper money etc, but how many of these dumb asses have the balls and guts to start something?

People like to drag and procrastinate, to me its simple, if the plan is good and everything is in place, just do it, be a man. If u dun start and u're afraid of this and that, u will never take the first step at all. (this applies to business, not romance, im balless in romance after being totally battered in the last attempt. sad but true.)

Be not afraid of failure, be afraid of not even starting. Why do i suddenly address this issue? Because there's too many people that dun dare to take the steps. I dun blame those that are busy, because they're busy and i totally understand their position ( im nice, i told ya guys. ) But for those rotting at home playing some MMORPG until they have no life for any other fuck things, then its another issue altogether. I dun beg to get people to join my crew, i offer, ai mai sua, dun come and 'hang up and sell', i fuck u understand? :)

Im not tulanz though i use strong words above, but well, im just a little disappointed in people. When will i meet those people that have the same drive and passion as me? I have some frends that are passionate and have the drive, but they're just too busy. ( Except ah wei, he likes stress, dun kw why.)

And one more thing, playing mahjong and watching dramas and playing games occasionally are good for your health, that's why i do them alot. Mahjong train brain, drama train charisma, gaming train fingers. See? Its useful.

Kuku was telling me how nice it was in China, which makes me wanna go there again. The last time i went was during sec school times i tink, when i waiting for poly after my O levels. Went to Jiu Zai Gou, some place near Yunnan. The view there was BREATH-TAKING, fucking hell there's this 7 Color Lakes there that are the 7 colors of the rainbow. Each of the lake is EXACTLY the color of the rainbow, and its just so damn wonderful.

I was there just as the final snowflakes are melting off, so its damn cold, yet enchanting. I had my first snow fight there with my cousins ( yeah, its a family trip.) and the feeling of snow smashing in ur face with ur specs intact isnt so nice. Ahh..... those were the days.... hohoho.. thinking about it, i look like Hiro Nakamura when i was younger. hahass, for those that dun kw who is he, he's the fat jap guy in Heroes.

Well, i tink i have to end here, because i wanna continue watching Heroes, and before i forget, next entry i shall paste the lyrics of my new song here. heh :)

Bang! : God will not help those that dun help themselves. So what's he there for?

Jason's Simplicity : Horoscopes are dumb, they never come true. lolx.

Dark*Deeds

I sometimes do wonder, how would i handle a betrayal, or people plotting stuffs behind my back, planning to sell me out after they've done using me. We humans are dark and selfish, that includes myself as well. There are some people u trust and treasure, and there are those that u deemed as expendable. Everybody have a priority list, and the positions of the various people goes up and down with ur proximity to that person.

Was tinking about this not because i was betrayed or something, its just recently we're going to do something quite evil, but its for the greater good. Sometimes people understand and kw that someone isnt cut out to lead, its time they took action and have ambitions of their own.

Therefore i think the corporate world and society is just that, bright on the surface, dark beneath. People u meet in life, is like tools sometimes, only the selected few that are closer to ur heart are those u called true frends. Personally, there are people in my life that will never ever think about betraying or selling them out, because i know, they will be the only ones standing with me when things spin out of control.

In ancient times, loyalty and honour are the conducts required of a man, yet in modern days, both these values are dumb and naive. Its a dog eat dog world out there, either u eat urself or be eaten. Im a sensitive person, that's a good and bad point sometimes. Bad, because i tend to think too much over silly details, good, because i see people's true nature easily. It's saddening when u see people falling for somebody's 'good intentions' when infact he/she has a modus operandi.

Its realli veri hard to treat people as people without being biased and stereotyping them, believe me, i tried. For example, guys are usually better to gals as compared to guys, and all the more so to pretty gals. Anyways how did i come so far? i digress too much i guess, lol.

Courage, something that is sorely lacking in modern day men and a widely misunderstood concept. It's meaning differs from person to person, and todae, i shall lecture on my take on courage. :)

Courage, the more educated u are, the less u have generally. People who are smart factor in alot of external conditions before arriving at a decision, and the decision rarely falls on the aggressive side. Being passive has its benefits, yet it does not gives a yield. And so the age old question pops up, would u risk being harmed in the process of getting something, or would u rather stay put and hope the man above bestows something upon u?

Hot-blooded males believe fighting and standing up to someone or something is courage, the ability to decimate and destroy ur enemies despite overwhelming odds is courage. And therefore they are labeled as dumb barbarians. Violence does not equate courage, although there are times when they do co-exist. True courage stems from knowing what to do at the right time and proceeding to do it without hesitating.

I know, this entry seems abit here and there, but im getting tired, its like 5am in the morning, so bear with me okay? :)

After the lengthy crap above, its time to come back to my life. Boring life. I've been watching japanese dramas online these few days, no job info from yun, so technically im rotting at home. Regarding my obsession, i leave it to the entity call fate ba, no point tinking so much and in the end cock up right? ya, correct, smart jason.

And ending this long and bo liao entry, i still tink noone realli understands me well, seriously. I need to find someone that understands and is WILLING to understand me well, i feel too bottled up sometimes man. Argh, watver lah, its hopeless, realli.

My O : This will be the last entry for u O, let fate decide ba. Keep smiling always. :)

Jason's Simplicity : And so another cycle of my life ends. What's next?

CB Tagboard

Okays, as u guys saw, i changed my tagboard and removed the non-working jukebox. I still dun kw how the fuck my chatterbox disappeared, but who the fuck cares, i just went to get another tagboard. And i went to source for a nice song to put on my blog to musically emphasize my esteem level. lolx. Anyways, smart. :)

Jay's new song, Wo Bu Pei, is wonderful, as usual. heh. I have the lyrics right here and i guess it does bring back lots of sad memories for some people. I have no experience to even feel sad about, because im officially single for 24 yrs and counting. ^_-

我不配

这街上太拥挤
太多人有秘密
玻璃上有雾气在被隐藏起过去
你脸上的情绪
在还原那场雨
这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里

这日子不再绿
又斑驳了几句
剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
电影院的座椅
隔遥远的距离
感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋

还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于
描述我如何爱你
你却微笑的离我而去

这感觉已经不对
我努力在挽回
一些些应该体贴的感觉我没给
你嘟嘴许的愿望很卑微在妥协
是我忽略你不过要人陪

这感觉已经不对
我最后才了解
一页页不忍翻阅的情节你好累
你默背为我掉过几次泪多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪你的美我不配

Meaningful rite? Sometimes looking at my frens that had broken relationships and the look on their face when they think about the past, it makes me wonder, is my 24 yrs of single-hood a blessing or a curse? I've never been seriously broken hearted before, because u cannot break something that havent even start. Spurned in love, yes, fallen in love, no. hahass.

Dun kw how come im blogging bout this kinda thing, but yeah, the big question, curse or blessing? Staying true and simple to urself in the midst of all this clatter and ramblings of life isnt easy, so all the more difficult is the quest to clearly define urself emotionally. I will leave the answer to whoever dictates human fate, because i am but a man.

Went to Zouk ytd with the guys, had fun, saw lots of people from our school. Local Unis are having exams, JCs have 'A' Levels and the 'O' level kids are too young to enter, so there we were, lots of SIM people. On the mrt with xh and eugene, we tried to prophecize who will be there, and true enough, we were right. lolx.

Drank averagely ytd, abit tipsy, but im never drunk, heh. Clubbing with my current frens were fun, but in a milder way as compared to the past with ah wei they all. I dun club much realli, but the techno clubs in the past were my favourite places to club, though there's alot of violent incidents. Till now, im still quite a techno man when it comes to clubbing, i rather dance to fast tempo music than mid or slow tempo music.

No offense to mambo lovers, but i personally find it kinda funny tat people judge how well u can dance based on how well u memorized the motions. There's this uncle that they say dance veri well, but to me he's just another hype. Till this day, i still respect this guy that i saw in boatquay when i was younger and clubbing with ah wei. I forgot his name, but that guy can dance damn well, his motions were fluid and fast, wootz. Sure he is egoistic, but its understandable simply because he have the skills to back it up, as for the uncle, its realli laughable. lolx. Anyways i sucked at dancing so in the end, i guess i also dun have the right to judge. heh.

Made pizza todae, failed and wasted $17.70. sian. Im dumb seriously, the pizza crust is like 5 cm thick, and i tried to put every fuck thing onto the pizza, in the end the pizza loaded up to 15cm. LOLX! My sister kindly reminded me i could have separated the pizza into 2 large pizzas instead of 1 HUGE one, but the advice came too late. hoho, so i have to contend with a 15cm tall, 35cm long and 20cm wide 'pizza'. Sibei dumb hor? hahahas!

My O : I tried, but its doesn't seem to be working, so ya, sorry.

Jason's Simplicity : They say persevere, i say dun go for someone thats too far fetched. She's just too perfect and beautiful. Sua lah. Yesh, i agree im ball-less.

I want your attention...

Things are starting to roll around, and im happy as it is. Im back online and loving every moment of it. heh. I rotted at home ytd, and tonite its time for some mambo. hohoho, god bless nobody bothers me while i have fun tonite, aunties and gays pls dun terrorize me. please. Guanyin ma bo pi me, let me have a safe and fun nite with the guys ba. Amithapha.

The day before, went out to sing ktv and watch movie with the OG, and its fun going out with a crowd, its been sometime since i went out with a crowd man. Anyways, Game Plan was quite alright, The Rock was as usual, sporting rock solid muscles. I wonder how long he took to train up to tat kinda build, steroids? hmms...

There are some stuffs i dun even dare to write here anymore, simply because if i didnt do what i said, im slapping myself in the face. hahass, i tink u guys can roughly guess what its about. :) I wanna be Top 50. simple.

Money money money, have to work again. sianz. Im tinking of changing jobs, selling credit cards is boring and the remuneration aspect isnt so transparent, therefore i cant help but conclude otherwise. Im most prob going to dye my hair purplish black, because i tink its cool and i have nvr had black hair before, since young my hair was brown. Purplish black, wootz. And should i pierce my ear? Better not ba, i dun tink i have the look. Fat punk with earring? Er xin.

Okies, now comes the demoralizing part. Almost all my frens are attached. Almost. Even kenneth, gosh. Not that kenneth is bad lah, but he's the last person i expect to get attached so fast man. And so the curse continues, i suspect it will continue with my O too, because i feel that im simply not her type. She's definitely my type, because she's that gal i wanna bring with me to backpack around the world.

Yet these types of things hor, is both sided one, so no use dreaming and dreaming and then end of the day, its onli one sided. Sad, but true. Whether i try to do something anot is based on how successful i am this 2 mths. If i can shed some lard, then maybe i would give it a try, if not, i can continue drawing circles on the floor. Yup, continue drawing.

Looking around, i realized my room is in a mess, notes sprawled all over the floor, clothes lying in piles around the room. Its that time of the yr again, spring cleaning time. -.-" Im tinking how bout i wait till the pay is in le, then i go ikea buy some new furniture? Watever. I just need to clear the mess.

Should i go swimming or gyming or lift weights at home? There's alot of kids in the pool since its school holidays now, same for the gym, so lift weights at home? Sianz. So many options, so little choices. I tink todae weights ba, since there's no sun, no point swim and nvr get tanned.

Before i go, jay's new album is out, though i had his album before hand. He's songs are very creative as usual, his new songs: Cai Hong, Qing Hua Ci, Wo Bu Pei and Pu Gong Ying De Yue Ding are damn nice, his worse song in this album is Niu Zai Hen Mang, it sucked man, to me at least.

My O : They say gal's sixth sense is veri accurate, and so, is yours too?

Jason's Simplicity : Im studying Sun Tzu's Art Of War nowadays, but im keeping it simple.

Return of the Lam-ster

Okay, its been 200 yrs since i last blogged. 2 more days to go before the exams is officially over and i can finally drag myself to go reconnect back my net. As usual, im using my bro's com to blog, sigh...

HMT is a piece of shit. Fucked up module, fucked up lecturer, fucked up pioneers. If my future boss ask me during interview --> who is charles babbage? i will tell him ---> ya, i eat cabbage.

Im slacking around alot these days, because im studying for my exams and i liked to give myself this excuse that if i kept training, i might injure my hands then cannot sit for exams. Ya, probably. After this friday's HMT paper, i swear to the mighty heavens that i will continue where i left off. Being a fatter fuck then what i am now isnt in my plans for 2008.

Due to the high stress factor during HMT studies, i actually wrote a song ytd nite man. I drafted out the chorus lyrics and melody, and i will try to figure out the rest of the song tonite. The song talks about breaking up ( as usual, i know. -.- ) and maybe i will add some other factors or twist to the storyline. The next song i write after this will be dedicated to my O. :)

My O, im realli realli into her man, i dun kw why. Its been sometime and the feeling simply got stronger. Yet reality simply hit me stark in face everytime i consider my odds of winning her heart --> its not possible. Hohoho, ironic leh, but unless i become a better man, chances of me holding her hands is probably equivalent to me winning TOTO.

The heart is vast, i realised. So dun bother trying to figure out what other people think, maybe its called insensitive, but why bother man? What do u accomplish when u are right or wrong? So accordingly, screw those attempts at knowing people's thoughts. Be myself, do what i want as long as i dun infringe any formal or latent laws of mankind.

And so, i shall end this entry here to continue writing my song. When i come back online on friday, i shall leak some controversial stuffs here. heh.


My O : I have no looks, no money, no talent. Will u accept me for who i am?

Jason's Simplicity : Fats are a major deterrent factor in courtship. Tested and proven. Courtesy of me. :)

Ensuing Serenity

3 weeks and counting without net. Sad to say, im not connecting back until after exams, simply because i need to study. Its been ages since i've DOTAed with the guys, i guess they're missing me like mad. Anyways being offline has its benefits, to me at least. Im staying in skool to study till quite late, because go home also no net. There are other subtle benefits as well, which i will not address here.

My revision is going quite well, im confident with ER, Comm Law and Finance, but HMT is fucked up. If i can get a PA for HMT, i will be satisfied, simply because the fucking lecturer is a piece of useless shit, and the lecture notes he gave were similar to a photo album with pictures of insane old fucktarts that died ages ago. People that tried damn hard to make management as complex a topic as possible so that we will have a hard time with the module named HMT. Fuck.

Like what eugene and me agreed upon on the bus ytd nite, our finance lecturer is that kinda guy men wanna be when they age, our HMT lecturer is the exact opposite. I guess enough about HMT, i can never finish complaining.

Now we come to the infamous 'Indo' girl. There's this gal in skool that caught our attention, she's this indonesian chinese gal that everybody agrees is hot. Some say pretty, some say hot, i say my O is prettier and hotter. She wins this indon girl hands down, to me that is. Heh.

My O : Gal~~~

Jason's Simplicity : Its just a means to an end.

Ex-Communicated

Baby,baby,baby! Dun ask me why, i just love to say that nowadays. Im DCed and therefore im living without net for like 1 week already. Im using my bro's com to blog now, kinda sad man. Exams coming in 2 weeks time, and therefore im mugging alot nowadays.

Most of the stuffs are on halt for now, due to the beloved exams. Exam period seems to have a stasis effect on my life, almost EVERYTHING halts. No ktv, no mahjong, no going gai gai, no training etc. The only thing i look forward to is going to school to study, which only 1 - 2 hrs of the time there is effectively 'studying'. Dun kw why, but im that kinda person that dun like to stress myself too much, i study as much as i like and then i switch off. Cannot study finish, nvm, just summarize up the stuffs will do. :)

The guys are great frens to be with, full of crap and nonsense, yet the jokes are not too childish. We're planning some kinda OG outing after the exams, and tentatively its either KTV or bowling. Lets see how things go ba. After exams, i have so much people to catch up with, i hope my wallet can take the impact. Being poor is so sad.

A new competitor recently came up and ah wei is stressed. Sometimes i tink besides having a capable buddy as a partner, we need some good and efficient partners too. If somebody is given a task to complete, and after 3 mths its still not done, that person is useless. The magnitude of the job isnt that epic, its just some routine job that he has the exact expertise on, yet he failed to deliver. Lousy. Therefore, ah wei and i kinda pray that the person do that job fast enough, if not, we confirm up the lorry. Sibei Sad.

Enough about sad things, lets tok about somebody that makes me happy whenever i see her. My O! She never fails to bring some sort of unknown happiness to me though she doesnt know it. Someday baby, someday. :)

My O : My horoscope says what is not possible is actually possible. true?

Jason's Simplicity : Wishlist --> Pass Exams, Successful Business, Get Her.

Heh

Its a wonder im still blogging here, theoretically my net should have been cut ytd nite. Anyways whatever, since i have the connection, lets blog. :)

Todae was a happy day, went skool for HMT last lesson and wrapped up HMT project. Tomolo there's comm law test, i just finished studying. Tomolo gtg skool for test and to sign the HMT project before submission. Should be a good day tomolo, i foresee i will be happy again tml, hahas, the reason i shall not say. heh.

Im gradually changing i noticed, the more stuffs i watch and observe, the more im changing. Maybe u get influenced by people u hang out with, i used to be more subtle in the past, but recently i identified a raging masochistic urge rising within me. Something simply clicked in me and im going into vagrant mode. What influenced me? I dun kw, maybe its my O?

Whatever i change into, im still the old jason in front of the folks. I will still tok rot with the guys, i will still go gaga infront of my O, that's for certain. Change shouldnt have such a impact on ur frens to the extend that they dun even kw u for who u are anymore.

The air in school is heavy with the exams just around the corner. People start to show stressed faces as they realised to their horror that thruout the semester, they didnt understood much. I belong to the drifters, people that drift along the semester. Im not flustered, because within me, a cool and calm soul operates. Cool...japuteh....

Mystic black, after exams i shall dye my hair tat color. Black is the in color now, and i want a purple tinge to differentiate from those normal jet black hair. So its either mystic black or dark purple. Im trying to leave long hair as well, because i dun have any reservist this year, so i have the luxury have having long hair. song. ( Copper red also seems nice, hmms...)

My O : Seeing is enough for now.

Jason's Simplicity : I might not be the best man on the block, but i do try to be one.

Random

Epic question invented to kill men: If ur mother and ur wife dropped into the sea, who will u save? Both cant swim, and u can only save one. The answers that we guys give are dumb and will effectively label us as a unfaithful or unfilial person. So what would be the 'perfect' answer to this question? Hmms...

The mother spent so many yrs nurturing u, providing for u, so to somebody that's filial, they would choose to save the mother. Yet on a practical aspect, the wife is the one that will accompany u till ur grave (theoretically), so saving the wife ensures that the future is never lonely. Coming to terms, u can easily get another wife, but u only have one mother. So how?

Ultimately, it boils down to what kinda person u are, emotional or practical. Everybody have a different answer for this question, that's why i say its a dumb question. I will never allow them near the beach in the first place if they dun even kw how to swim. Duh.

I finished the Jap Hana Kimi just now in the afternoon. Ending is nice, i like the part where sano kissed mizuki, the ending is definitely better then those shows where one of the folks die in the end. Shows should be entertaining rite? The scriptwriters are abit sadistic leh, write till the main leads die until so cham. Example is those korean sad sad shows, autumn in my heart etc...

Later i most prob will get DCed, so i guess i end this entry here ba, when i get reconnected back then i blog in my next entry. :)

My O : Will what i feel become real?

Jason's Simplicity : A last minute man gets last minute results. Me.

Emo

Middle of the nite, listening to TONG KU DE REN by WU BAI, pondering about the issues in life. Listening to the tune, i cant help but feel helpless against the tides of fate. There's so much to life, sometimes its overwhelming. As a man, u cant give up, and therefore you have to persevere no matter how intimidating the odds. In the past, people can adopt the spartan code of bravery, where its said tat the spartans never ask how many, they ask where are they.

In the present, adopting that move is plain suicide, tat's y bravery always pales in comparison to brains. Brave men are controlled by smart men, its a social fact. I dun kw how come i digress so much to tok about something so vague. Crazy me.

Seeing Naka the other day reminded me of something. Naka is fit and bulky now, he joined our school's dragon boat. Haiz, i wanted to join, yet i dun have the intention to spend time going to kallang to row. Every friday have to go back to school in the evening to train, im too lazy to go back to school, its too far. Me and my whiny whinings.

And thanks to nich, who chose to walk pass a rarely walked pass area in school, i saw huimin. She's still as lovely and she seems happy, so i also didnt went to greet her. She's the only girl besides my O, who will make me go gaga and act like some shy school boy. I dun understand how come she has that kinda grip on me, but i dun care anyways, that feeling is nice. :)

Okies, now its qing tian, jay zhou. Nice song that bleeds the tears from ur heart. The song sings of a past love, the kinda sweet sweet love that brings everybody back to who they realli were, naive and innocent. Winds of time changes everything, even souring a sweet love to something that isnt even recognizable. Though new season always comes, the sweetest memories will always be the times spent in the past with that somebody, though its never meant to be right from the start.

Im not speaking about myself, i dun even have the luxury of being in a sad love story. Its more like a innate feeling that the song brings out in me. Like i said before, different songs holds different meaning to me. Some of the songs remind me of that special someone during a period in my life. Everytime that song plays, i become a emo kid, the details of that past that was not to be replays itself in my head once again. Being too emo isnt good, because its a weakness, urban people should have a heart colder then steel. Ironically, i would rather be a creature of emotions, then a iron-hearted man.

Exams are coming, i shouldnt be tinking so much, studies should take precedence. Revision starts tomolo, and the no life period begins once again. After so long, loneliness should have became a habit already. Most prob the curse will continue, and its juz not meant to be. Unspoken, yet oh so obvious.

My O : The cold rain trickles or pours?

Jason's Simplicity : Being simple, isnt simple at all. It never was.

I Believe

Dark secrets, i blogged about them once. Everybody have dark secrets, and i happen to be somebody that's damn good at finding out dark secrets. Some secrets, aint that secretive after all, its just that people around u see stuffs better then u, because outsiders always have a clearer picture.

U can either perceive somebody to be bad, or good, tat's obvious, but though other people say you're bad, i'd rather remain neutral, simply because i believe alot in u. The world can say u're fucked up, but i'd be the one to believe u till the end, simply because i simply couldnt convince myself u're a bad person. Maybe ur masquerade is so well done that i couldnt see what others see, i dun care, what matters is i still believe in you. Truly.

Perception, the stuff that makes or breaks a man. True enough, how u perceive ppl and the world around u affects u alot, therefore i believe judgment should not be passed. I believe in the true-ism of mankind, and though it sounds naive, i always seek to discover the best in people. Everybody have a beautiful side, no matter how pretty or ugly he or she appears on the surface.

I judge by looks i admit, but what lies within? The substance of a woman is more important then the form of a woman. Remember this sentence, its so veri true.

Okies, enough of the dead-pan stuffs, lets tok about something more light hearted : My O!
Whenever i tok about her, im so damn happy though i know she will never be mine. Gazing at her from afar is enough to make my day, no idea why, but yeah, im happy. I shall never have the courage to woo her i guess, i do know my place in society. :)

I always go ga ga infront of her, dun kw why, this type of feeling feels funny, because i onli experienced it when i was much younger, the gal in question during that period of time was huimin. hahass. Reflecting back on the younger days, its kinda dumb yet sweetly cute. :P

My O : My reaction speaks volumes on my shyness. U made me feel shy. hohoho

Jason's Simplicity : Charisma, what is it? Its felt, never defined.

Laughable

Todae, i have something substantial to blog about. Quite informative, according to me.

Firstly, remember the slimming pill fab that kinda blew over a few yrs back? Though im fat, i didnt even bother trying them, simply because they are so expensive man. Nonsense man, $200 bucks for a normal box of silly pills. Duh, i tink the real reason that people lost weight is because they pay so much for the pills leaving them with barely enough to survive the month, therefore lacking money to buy food and ultimately slimming down. Must be. Nonsense.

Second is about my sudden madness yesterday nite. I went berserk and downloaded 20 plus korean songs, especially RnB ones. I got the top recommended korean songs from googling and proceeded to download them. Legally. Ya right. And let me tell u this, korean RnB is totally sensational man. Im a RnB fan and therefore my benchmark for a good RnB song is quite high, but seriously, korean RnB ---> among asia's best.

Korean artistes like Fly To The Sky, MC Mong, EPIK, Taebin, Se7en and 1TYM are realli good. And taebin is a rough idea on how i wanna be, though im damn fat lah, but at least got something to aim towards. :)

This is Taebin.

I know, some of u will be laughing ur hearts out, to be truthful, i also find it laughable that somebody as fat as me will become like tat. hahahass, but its always good to have a brief idea of how u wanna sculpt. But its not as perfect, i want a slightly bulkier feel, asian guys are abit scrawny sometimes in my opinion. Ang mohs are most of time over-built. Its hard to strike a balance between bulk and definition, u have to sweat litres in the gym man.

This week i've been slacking off before i do a shock training to simulate the engines. Its not obvious that im training, because i dun walk around naked. duh. But i like what i see in the mirror, that's the most important. Being satisfied with urself beats satisfying others. heh.

My O : I have a feeling u kw u're my O. Its in the eyes gal. lol.

Jason's Simplicity : Im nobody special, but that makes me wanna make the extra effort to be somebody special to you.

The Economical Man

Unlimited wants, limited resources. The core paradox of Economics. It happens to everybody, and therefore the wiser folks tells us that satisfaction is the greatest wealth. Another side of the coin educates us to work hard and strive for the better things in life. Human psychology is ironic isnt it?

And since i belong to the modern era of mankind, or lets just say society bred me to think in the capitalist school of thought, i shall list out the stuffs i wanna get with the limited resources i have.
One more thing, since there is so much wants, maybe i should just list out a few ba.

First and foremost, i want either a BMW Z4 convertible or a Nissan Fairlady Z350. Both the rides costs around 150K to 200K, i know its kinda far fetched, but who the hell says i cannot aim high?

Next i want a Ray-Ban sunglass. I've been saying this for god knows how long and yet i still dun have the cash to buy it. Sad but true. Haiz.

Thirdly i want more apparels. Shirts especially, and also 2 leather jackets, one black one brown.

Fourth, I want a I-phone. Self-explainatory.

Fifth, a Ipod Touch. Definitely self-explainatory.

Sixth, I want a laptop to do my work. Its always better to use my desktop to play game, my lappy to do work. More efficient, more jason-friendly and more professional.

Seventh, 30 Inch Flat Screen TV to watch my shows and dramas.

Eighth, 20 Lots of DBS Shares. They're fucking expensive, but well worth the effort because the time value of money is increased constantly here.

Ninth, a Blackberry or PDA for working purposes. Its handy and totally worth the money when things start getting busier.

Tenth, last but not least, my obsession. Im mad about her and there's nothing i can do about it. What to do? List her as one of my top wants lor. :)

My O : Will i tio TOTO this coming friday?

Jason's Simplicity : Being overly obsessed with a person will only bring sorrow to urself sometimes, so moral of the story is dun let that person know. heh.

Blossom

The stark difference between the lives of a fit hunk and a fat punk never fails to astounds. Looks is not everything they say, yet its the face that attracts people to initiate contact. Lets stop chiding ourselves, we are superficial creatures. No escaping from that.

And the similarities between the sexes ends there. From there on, guys are spurred on by physiques and gals tend to look towards the inner aspect. A very huge respect i have for some gals is they realli meant what they say, they can see pass alot of stuffs and accept a guy no matter how ugly he looks. That i believe is something that alot find hard to do.

Yet when rejection sets in, do not tell urself that u were rejected simply because u dun have looks. Its just some kinda dumb excuse to convince urself that you were rejected because of some superficial stuffs and that people do not look deeper into you. Sometimes its not because u're ugly or ur personality sucks, its simply that people feels that their hands does not suit yours, its that simple. Why bother going to great lengths to tell urself that its because of some other factors that u can improve and hopefully things will take a 180 degree turn?

Improving urself is good, but not because u tell urself that improving urself will give urself false hope. Its crazy realli. I've been veri sick the past days as u can see from the previous entry. While i was sick, i slept for very long, and i suddenly have all the time and peace to look at myself from another perspective.

The cycle simply keeps on running, lets see how long this thing will run. The heart, besides being an organ, also is the traditional place to store your emotions. The heart must always be guided by the brain, if it ran on its own, things go awry and u go crazy. I know, things like this running in my mind is dumb, but it doesnt hurt to tink about it abit, im more of a philosopher then anything else remember?

Therefore now, the storm is over, i've recovered. I took sometime to get things right within me, its longer then last time, but its the only way to really purge things. Sorry for the long wait, im now back to being the fren u've known. :)

Alrite, i was toking about looks rite? Kks, right now im still obsessed with O. The more u behold, the more u find her pretty with an attitude to boot. Wootz~ But like i said, seeing is enough, i dun tink i wanna start anything rite now, i dun wanna give up the peace that i found after so many weeks of struggling. Right now i juz wanna concentrate my studies, my training and sorting out my silly NS liabilities.

Maybe next semester ba. This semester lets just restrict myself to those few close frens i have ba, i will hi-bye new people because i realli cant be bothered with them much. I know, i am a cb, but i rather be anti-social then get into some crazy shit again.

I know this is a long entry, but still i have to write this paragraph down. I have a feeling that very soon, a frendship will be put to the test. Dun ask me why i feel that way, im just worried will we become enemies if the test fails? Money is always the key factor in separating frends, i just hope that it will not happen to us. Im not being wimpy here, its just i've seen so many examples.

My O : When will the obsession end?

Jason's Simplicity : I am back to one. Simple yet complex to complex people.

Fuck

Im not feeling well. Feeling abit sick and feverish now. Fuck that feeling.

Tomolo is finance test, i seriously doubt my ability to think properly tml, im feeling damn heaty now. Tomolo suppose to play street soccer with the guys somemore, how? Cb one, always sick at dumb times.

Im nobody special, im just a normal guy struggling with my normal life. That's how i see myself, life is kinda routine these days as usual. Being a special person and being in the limelight is tempting at times, but i just dun wanna become a social butterfly. When i started out, i dun mind being friendly to establish a circle of frends to stick to, and after that i settle down. Why bother to know more people when the more people u kw, the more u are tempted to change? And change is most of the time bad.

Therefore i am anti-social to some extend. People introduce me, i give hi bye. Pretty or not, hi bye. For guys its different, as long as they are not too fucked up, i most prob will tok to them. Its hard to even afford a smile nowadays, my heart is heavy with alot of issues lining up in my life.

IPPT must pass,RT must book, ICT must defer, exams must pass, fats must burn, money must earn, bills must pay.... as if my life is not fucked up as it is. I do understand that thy shall not blame god or whatever fuck is residing up there in the heavens for thy personal misfortune, but still, its better then blaming myself. heh.

I know this entry seems rude and vulgar, but who the fuck cares? Im sick and feeling feverish, and im not being childish here, the problems listed above are fucking real. Tell me which of my problems are kiddish? Im no saint, therefore dun expect me to be mr nice guy all the time.

There's always my dark side that i dun show anybody, and this dark side always appears to be a respite whenever im at the lowest point of my life. Dun piss me off during this period, i am exceptionally violent and temperamental during this time. Dun believe people when they say a sick man is a weak man. That is not true.

I ate something wrong todae i tink, most prob is the chicken chop rice. Am i suffering from food poisoning? Went to the toilet 3 times alreadi, and worse thing is i cant fucking sleep because i had to study for the test tml. Fucked up life, fucked up body, fucked up test. Fuck.

My O : What's the key gal?

Jason's Simplicity : I buay song now.

Solo Solitude

Its that empty period again, where u have nothing much to look forward to. Finance test on saturday, yet there's no sense of urgency. Hmph.

While lifting weights in the gym todae, i saw the fat fat me. Still so fat, maybe its my diet? Anyways i had a sudden craving for sandwiches nowadays. Its unexplainable, i just love sandwiches. So much so that after training todae, i went to the market to buy lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ham and bread. Once i reach home, i tried digging my toaster out, but in the end for some mysterious reason i couldnt find it.

Since im so smart, i used the oven to toast the bread and made sandwiches. Satisfaction. I simply love the taste and crunch of the sandwich. In skool nowadays, my meal consists of a sandwich and a low-sugar soyabean milk. Dun kw why, i had a realli drastic switch of taste after my cool-off period.

I understand everything takes time, but sometimes u do wanna rush things up abit, simply because change seems so slow. Perseverance, the long word that holds a even longer waiting time. I realized i've been so occupied with physical training that i have left out my boxing sessions. I miss those times when i vent lots of stuffs with every single blow on the sandbag. Balance is what i seek, and right now i need to spend more time on my studies, exams are 1 and a half months away man. I gotta clear the exams, then i can spend the holidays training up.

My O : Im so aimless now u kw? I wished there was somebody i could talk to.

Jason's Simplicity : The struggles of life are intrinsic or extrinsic?

Heart Felt

Jason's Feelings:

Heart still as water. i know how that feels like, its a very peaceful feeling, a tranquil knowledge that u have accepted things and moved on. I might not have what i wanted, and i may never get what i want, but i can accept that what i wanted was never meant to be what i can get. There's no such thing as someone who isnt worth another person in this world, its just the perspective on the issue.

What im glad is that at least sometime was spent considering the possibility before. For this 2 weeks, i kinda cooled off alot, and i guess its fair that i took the time off because put alot into this. In a way, its good, because this finally gave me the determination and courage to put my life on the right track.

Things are already rolling out on ah-wei's side, and the plan will be most probably be launched before ah-wei's birthday. What plan, i cannot say now, but i really hope this venture will be successful, because though i might not get very rich, ah-wei will be successful and can show those people that looked down on him that he can make it in life. Im not noble or what, its just a heart-felt wish that my best childhood frend can make his mark in life. :)

And regarding my O, she's really too beautiful to behold for long, i can only secretly look at her. I don't even have the guts to ask her out. hahahass, its kinda funny feeling like tat because since after secondary school, i never felt so kiddish and shy before. Call me pessimistic or ball-less, but i seriously doubt she will even consider going out with me, i mean, would u go out with a fat fuck?

Upgrading myself, is it really necessary? Lying to myself is one of my greatest skills, telling myself, after upgrading myself, what i want will be what i get. hahahasss, what an ironic and childish thinking, when someone likes u, its for who u are, not what u are. Its just predetermined that my hand doesnt fits hers, its that simple, so why should i tell myself that changing the shape of my hand will in the end fit hers? heh.

(Its raining outside, so im abit solemn, but i guess that's kinda how i felt.)

My O : If only fate allow me to bring you into my world.

Jason's Simplicity : I have planned my future, am i realli that simple after all?

相爱...

Lets talk about music today, i am compelled to talk about music. Why? Because there's a song that im addicted to right now. So much so that i kept repeating it on my mp3 player for 27 times to and from work today. I know, its crazy, but i seriously loved this song that much.

Initially when i heard the song from a blog, i thought its nothing super impressive about the song, but i still went ahead to download the song due to unknown reasons. After listening to the song a couple of times more, i found it getting better and better. I went to download the MTV and from then on, im totally hooked on this song, its realli sibei nice.

What is this song? Its ' Whatever they say" by DBSK. Nice until cannot, hohoho. Listen one time, high one time, walk also got 'wind'. I appreciate good music, and i appreciate good people that intro good music to me. Thanks :)

And so people, since im damn happy now, im going to intro a song to you people. Its a canto song, hence those that dun understand canto can pass on this one. But since im such a nice guy, im posting the lyrics here for u people to read and 'feel'. ^_^

相爱无梦
歌手：张智霖


跟你抱着未等于爱上
不再抱着未等于不想
你我在这分钟
说过无缘再见
下秒钟再凑巧碰上

即使一起貌合却又神离
分隔两地日夜挂着愁眉
再各自结新欢
却暗地拿你去比较现有的
始终偏袒你

有心爱你却爱不到
抱紧了你却又未想终老
再等到与对方失散以后
就会知原来谁最好
爱不到至会更想爱
抱紧了你我又无心装载
我跟你也破不到
男与女之间爱情的定数

一个过活恨抱着情人
一对过活又挂念谁人
到了话要分开
你我尚有恻隐
又再探听对方新闻

即使一起貌合却又神离
分隔两地日夜挂着愁眉
再各自结新欢
却暗地拿你去比较现有的
始终偏袒你

有心爱你却爱不到
抱紧了你却又未想终老
再等到与对方失散以后
就会知原来谁最好
爱不到至会更想爱
抱紧了你我又无心装载
我跟你也破不到
男与女之间爱情的定数

Go download and listen for yourself, its damn nice and meaningful. If u're still wondering what good music to download, i shall post my current favourites here so that u people can go get them. Music, the universal language that connects mankind, and to me, the miracle medicine for wounds of the heart.

Current Favourites:

01. Whatever They Say - DBSK
02. 相爱无梦 - 张智霖
03. 天使都忌妒的生活 - 曹格
04. Sean Kingston - Beautiful Girl
05. For Awhile - Mni 민재 (The 1st shop of coffee prince OST)
06. Day by Day - Zhao Guan Yu ( Witch Yoo-Hee OST)
07. 西界 - 林俊杰
08. 爱情转移 - 陈奕迅
09. White Love Story - As One (The 1st shop of coffee prince OST)
10. 想听的话 - 石欣卉 & 王健复

My O : I do wonder sometimes, what's the outcome if i found the courage to put down all my fears and for once in my life attempt the one thing i really tink is impossible.

Jason's Simplicity : Im too afraid to do brave stuffs now, the scars of the veteran is too much to take.

Estranged Sanity

Latest update: The wounds have closed. Things will be normal from this moment on.

Went dotaing with the guys juz now, had a fun time. After that had dinner with nich and rei at Al-almein. Nice chilling out with them, toked about some stuffs that kinda soothed me. Its not that serious anyways, im just too whiny. Anyways what's over is over, therefore fuck the past. Full stop.

My O, confirmed plus chop class S. No balls to even try, my O totally outclassed me. Will try upgrading my class. My O, wooo~~~~ totally there man. Okay, im mad. :)

The torture starts. Dun understand? Control diet.
Morning: Oats (they totally sucked.)
Noon: Whatever the school offers, no fried. ( Most prob sandwich, i love school's sandwiches.) Dinner: Whatever mum cooks. ( Same boring phrase, no fried.)

Whatever i blog now is abit segmented, because i havent defragmented my brain yet, its juz finished rebooted. To think smart and act smart, i have to defragment my brain in time for the finance test next week. Like what i told the guys, i shall begin my holy finance pilgrimage next tuesday. Though i dun totally understand what mervyn (my finance lecturer), what i kw is at least i understand more then the others. hohoho.

Alrite, enough blabberings, i going out in my fren's car. I've to thank jerjer and fei zai win they all, all these nites fei zai win drove me out at nite to clear my brains. I love going around in a car in the middle of the nite, veri peaceful and tranquil, superb condition to to un-tie the knots in my heart. Im so going to get a car when i can afford it, so that i can drive around at nite to enjoy the coolness of the velvet skies. ( Get license first ba, no license still tok about getting car. cb)

Oh ya, before i forget, i added a new section called --> My O !


My O: Its hard to concentrate when im affected by your aura.

Jason's Simplicity: Underlying relationships that were kept from me.

Im a whiny fucktart.

I am not myself. I feel hollowed out, as if something is missing from my life. I guess when u get used to something, it takes time to understand tat something that u have already taken as a part of ur life is gone. Feels like a void in the soul, to be more poetically correct. Anyways its been too long, and im too whiny, doesn't feels like me at all. Should stop whining and get on with life, easily said. Fuck.

Studies are gathering momentum now, its going to be exams soon. Im still pissed with failing my comm law, but gonna get it over and done with this time.

Some people like to send infuriating stuffs. Why do people like to escalate their own position and think that they are always right? Whatever they do is correct, whatever others do is wrong. What others do, the others wasting time, what they do, is beneficial for mankind, self-explainatory. My response for this kinda crap is dun reply.

I've changed, i realized. My perspectives are now very different, i always seek to be more absolute in my actions and decisions. My brain kinda crashed awhile ago, and now its slowly rebooting again, but deep within, a silent paradigm shift has occurred. I still reserve the kiddish me for my close frens, because i kw, they appreciate the fun and jovial me.

To add more nonsense to my woes, a story of dumb dumbs suddenly needs somebody to fill up a continuing episode. Let me dictate the dumb story of 2 dumb dumbs. Lets name the 2 dumb dumbs: dumb1 and dumb2.

dumb1 met dumb2 at CCA club. dumb2 is attached. dumb1 went out with dumb2. dumb2 tells dumb1 that he is better then her bf. dumb1 go army, dumb1 spent time with dumb2 whenever he is free. dumb1 likes dumb2, which is fucking obvious. dumb1 pops question. dumb2 reject. dumb1 suffers in army. dumb1 moves on.

agar agar 1 yr later~~~

dumb1 lives happily in camp, waiting for ORD. dumb2 calls at wee hrs. dumb1 listens, dumb2 was cheated and pours sorrows. dumb1 went out with dumb2. dumb1 pops question again. dumb2 rejects again. dumb1 and dumb2 became close frens.

agar agar 1 yr later again~~~

dumb1 wakes up, reads handphone. dumb2 sms and pours sorrows again. dumb1 feels dumb2 is realli dumb, things would be so different if dumb2 accepted him 2 yrs ago. Anyways dumb1's soul is with some other dumb person already. So how will the dumb story continue? Should dumb1 try dumb2 again, or should dumb1 just move on?

Answer : dumb1 moved on, never looking backwards again.

Nice ending eh? Should be lah, the script jittao is drama material. Full of the ups and downs of life and the illogical antics of the human mind. I can be script writer liaoz. And that's just one of the scripts in my collection of drama scripts.

To O: You're so damn beautiful. I just want you to know. heh.

Jason's Simplicity : After you've freezed before, u know a little flame can never melt u.