EMPTINESS

This few days, i've been loading tis blogger screen and then dun kw wat to blog. its been ongoing for a few days alreadi, and todae, i blogged.

A couple of things happened to me and i was tinking thru them tis few days too. Im not unhappy, im just hmms... concerned u might say. Yesterday was quite uneventful, i simply went back to skool and as usual, i was late for OB lessons..-.-"" Then after that went for lunch with reilly and xuanhe. Rei and i were discussing over lunch tat our OG is splitting le, and we both agree on that. its obvious, everyone is going their own ways after lessons, even sitting also got some distance. I guess things dont last, and each and everyone have their own new frens and stuff ba. I sort of wanna voice tis out to the ppl, i realised most of them kw all tis is happening, yet dun realli see the need to revert back to how we were b4....

Anyways, after lunch is accts, and as usual balwant was a veri engaging lecturer, and puts forth the topic veri clearly. I respect people tat can give good lectures. And during the lesson, my eyes keep looking at someone, i just cannot control them. lolx.. gosh, im not gonna say who im looking at, but rest assured its a gal. Anyways looking is free mah, i kw she's not gonna be mine anyways, unless pigs can fly. hahassss..

After skool, sat down and chatted with nich and elaine and jeanette. Toked about some dumb stuffs and sort of nua around outside the lecture hall. After that i reached home and bathed, then went down to eat dinner with aiying. After sending her home, i gamed till 5am then sleep. that ends my day yesterday. hahass.. boring....

Alrite, now lets carry on to my thoughts. Alina is having a veri difficult rite now and life is realli harsh on her. hmms... but i kw she can tide thru this whole thing de, she's a strong gal mah. cfm can de. hahass... I can sense sadness in people, and that is what troubles me alot... i can sense nich also have something he is hiding, some sad stuffs but i feel he wanna keep it secret.

So, regarding the one tat condemned me, i still tink she is condemning me leh. Dun kw y, i simply feel tat way, maybe she didnt speak much to me? hmms, thing is this, why am i so concerned about whether she condemn me anot? lolx... gosh, sometimes life is intriguing rite? But i kw, if she's reading tis, she will feel im damn er xin and disgusting. hahahass... The thing about me is that im unsettled, its always the case. Well, who will be the one? dun kw, but i kw im super attracted to her, i hope she stops condemning me soon and at least try to be better frens ba.

Nxt week will try to ask strawberry-soursop out for lunch at NUS ba. She told me she's quite free nxt week, so maybe can catch up abit with her and see how's life going. Its alreadi been around 3 mths le, so maybe when we see each other, things will be fresher? And it will be the first time i spoke to her verbally after i gave her 'it'. I guess she forgot all about 'it' le ba, the magic 'it' brought...

My heart has castle, and in the castle lived a few residents, and i dun kw which one is the queen that will rule the castle. Its obvious, and the thing is, there's onli a few residents that realli touched me. Im brutally honest now, onli 4 of them realli made me took a long and understanding look into their eyes. So many unspoken emotions were passed thru the eyes, and yet i was not fated to be the one to take care of them. Well, a tinge of regret is always there, but i kw, the future awaits me. And like what xuanhe told me on the MRT 2 mths ago, 'dun look for it, they will come for u.'....

Jason's Famous Quotes: Todae no quotes, so i give u the 10 commandants of Jasoniology.

1) Thou shall not lust after thou's frend girlfrend. ( But she IS interesting... lolx)
2) Thou shall not use force. ( im a refined man..)
3) Thou shall not badmouth ppl or organisations. ( I failed tis one....)
4) Thou shall not fall in love with ur classmates. ( Its obvious...)
5) Thou shall not oogle at girls. ( Do it discreetly.)
6) Thou shall not eat too much. ( totally crap.)
7) Thou shall not give up on training. ( Shyt..)
8) Thou shall not be too sentimental. ( Seriously..)
9) Thou shall not be hypocritic. ( Finally one tat i passed!)
10) Thou shall not overcommunicate. ( erms...)

Super Duper Pissed...

**Caution: The below paragraph is super vulgar because im just being pissed.**

There are some organisations around me that totally pissed me off. From the start i dun fucking like the fucking organisation, cause i tink majority of them are all fucked up people. And when i say people, i meant the GUYS. And mind u, im not the onli one that thought tat way, alot of my frens also told me the same fuck thing. The organisation is onli a facade for those fuckers to hide behind and plan their lewd acts. They tink noone kws and even IF someone knew, they dun fucking care. Each of their god-damn faces show what is going on behind those retarded brain-fucks. Wanna kw what they tink? simple, the organisation is their SCREW-TOPIA, short form for screwing-utopia. Im not being extreme, its been holed up in me for so many fucking mths alreadi. Bloody fuck-tarts, everytime i see those cb faces i realli wanna beat some sense into their retard brains. I totally tink they have no management ability and onli wanna work towards some they-dun-kw-that-ppl-kw motives. 3 of my frens applied for the job/position and didnt get in, simply because they were GUYS, they ONLI accept pretty GALS. Sincerely i hope each and every fucking one of them die from bird flu or some unknown disease or accident, and if its a car accident, i hope the car will reverse and run over their bodies over and over again till they STICK to the fucking tar on the road! DUN FUCK AROUND WITH MY FRENS U BASTARDS, BE READY TO FEEL THE WRATH WHEN U FUCKERS CROSS THE LINE. FUCK OFF U FUCKING CB BASTARDS!

*End of Vulgarities*

Arghs... god that felt so good, being able to vent my anger in my blog... woohoo, that's wat i call a blog. yeah. :) Okies, now that i've finished venting my anger, im normalised, but again i proclaim, im not a violent man. heehee.. :P

okies, todae rotted at home the whole day(seemingly) and i saw the sun rise and set. lolx. I've had 2 new frens from 2 days ago when i met them on the bus.. lolx.. they were living in my area lors, and i didnt notice them at all.. hahasss.. well, at least i have some frens living in the west tat i can study with le. wootz! I also downloaded some new songs and formatted my dear i-de-pod because something or some file screwed it up.. -.-"" I also have jay's new album le.. muahaha.... obviously its free lah, cause as usaul, he never fail to mail me a copy of his new album everytime. heehee. That's the perks u get when u write songs for him. :P (TUA KANG IN ACTION!)

Hmms, and i just perfected the ideaology of a perfect guy. muahaha.... A perfect guy not onli has to have physiological perfection, what matters most is the psychological development also. which means he must be as good mentally as he looks physically. So ya, will strive towards that goal and the 1st thing is to reduce childish outbursts like the above. LOLX.. okies, dun tok rot le, time to go play game. i kw friday is accts and i haven touch accts, but dun care le, cause i no mood now. Will be on high gear for studies tomolo! FUUUUUUUUU!!!!! (*Hardgay action*)


Jason's Famous Quotes: It onli takes a few pile of shit to screw up a whole reservoir of water.

SO SICK OF LOVE SONGS, SO TIRED OF TEARS

hmms, the above title is part of the lyrics of ne-yo's 'so sick'. its a super nice song, realli loves this type of rhythmic RnB. wootz, makes me groove... smooth and comforting.. lolx...
Todae was stats test, and life was abit awkward these 2 days, but alritey, i got thru it all, in the end, happiness is wat i want for her rite? so ya, screw it, as long as she's happi can le lah. My ultimate motive is for her to be happi mah, and i will simply shut the fark up and be her silent guardian can le lor. Seeing her smile always seems to bring the lights in the heavens into my world... and suddenly the world seems so bright and sunny.. hahass.. sound like some miracle rite? lolx.. :P

Training went to phrase 2 le, its time for the kicks. lolx.. from tml onwards, everyday need to stretch, so can do the horse split. wootz. then will proceed to those fanciful moves.. muahaha... kicks are so cool and awe-inspiring.. wee you wee... :P And it seems things in life have juz took a reality check. Everything seems so real and ceased to be a facade all of a sudden... hmms... is it her? or her? or her? or them? omg.... things always comes one full circle, and it seems time to reap wat i sowed over the yrs... lolx....but it all came together, and im drowning in it... gosh...

Hmms, there's now 1 thing i dun kw whether i should or should not do... What if we have no topic? what if... omg.... it will be so awkward lahs... god.... shall i? should i? would i? i feel so silly now, hahass... i dun have much topic with her leh... its sort of like a kiddy crush.. lolx.. but i dun kw whether she still condemns me anot... ?.?

Okies, enough about stupid crushes and stuffs, accts is on friday, and death is looming. Well well well, the latest anon tat tagged in my blog, i kw who u are lors... tink i dun kw.. dumb dumb. :P
told u im smart rite? hahasss....

Jason's Famous Quotes: Unified Avoidance Is Dumb And Childish.

Rewritten Feelings....

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我那么爱她

歌手： 蓝新翔 专辑： 我的故事

直到爱消失我才懂得去珍惜

身边每个美好风景只是它早已离去

直到我想通她早已经不再对我留恋

最后的我开始了一段挣扎

我那么爱她为什么不把她留下

为什么不说心里话

我深爱她这是每个人都知道啊

我那么爱她为什么不把她留下

是不是我有深爱的两个她

所以我不想再让自己无法自拔。。。
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Todae rotted at home for the whole day tinking about some stuffs.i need to sort out my tots, and the worse thing is tests is juz nxt week... urghs... constitutes 30% to final results, so i realli need to get over all these things fast.

Life is realli quite fascinating, it juz have a tendency to twist a beautiful story with some grosteque end. And the same goes for a reverse situation. Hope, is a wonderful thing. When i was feeling hopeless yesterday nite, someone brought me hope.

But is that hope what i want? Am i over stupendous? I do tink im over indulgent in the emotion called love. I did an assessment of my mental state tis morning while i was training. I asked myself a few questions that i would normally avoid. Its about how i feel, i realised i didnt realli face tis few questions, i've onli been avoiding them or finding excuses to tell myself that i am right.

The above resulted in my actions not tallying with what i say ; totally contradictory. I say one thing, i do another, because i avoiding facing myself as a whole. Judgementally speaking, im afraid to kw the real me. Its like commiting the japanese act of belly-cutting, when u realli examine urself after cutting urself up psychologically.

And todae i did just that, which lead to me discovering another me. The dark and hideous me. Im not what i tot i am at all, im just a image of a few different entities which i tot was prim and proper. I was wrong, and i have found myself. From tis day onwards, i need to change my mental outlook and commit to a more sincere me. Sincerity not onli towards people, but most importantly myself....

JASON'S FAMOUS QUOTES: Self-discovery is a life long journey.

GAME OVER, I LOSE

Fook, lose le.. zzzz. sianz, lose again. nb one lors, sometimes fate and time juz like to play with me. Sua ba, yi qia sui feng. I dun tink she's single anymore lors, i tink i better sound her out lah, dun drag on then i also dun kw status at all.

Todae went out with corinne, as a fren tat is. i guess after all, we stay as good frens better lors, can tok about everything under the sun and she's attached to a old but good guy. Good guys hard to come by, and tis guy realli good to her, so im happi for her also. One more thing, she's super pretty now lors.. lolx... go everywhere with her those guys eyes also all on her one.. hahass... same like last time.. :P

We went to eat ajisen and then went to TCC to chat and catch up over coffee. i realised both our mentalities changed alot and we realli grew up. hahass... toking about future and pondering what's our nxt move in life...we felt so old lors... realli abit old le, alreadi 21 and 23 yrs old le....:P

After that her boyfrend came to fetch her and i went home le. on the mrt, its super squeezy lors, and there's this 3 gals tat were infront of me, we were packed like sardines, and this gal keep rubbing her butt again me lorss... kaoz.. and its the sensitive part somemore.. zzz.. i have to like put my hand infront to protect lor... zzz... ppl might think its song or watever lahs, but to me its sort of sickening, i dun kw her lah, she pretty so wat? pretty can rub rub? zzzz Heng they went off at raffles place sia, nb i give the dun-fark-with-me face all thru the journey, i dun touch ppl i dun like. simple short and sweet.

But well well well, worse is yet to come, at redhill, 2 BANGLAS choing in and squeeze with me... WAH LAN A, SMELLY LAH. fook lah, im not racist lors, but they didnt bath lahs, god bless my clothes.... watever lahs, im in a veri gd mood now lahs, so maybe im blogging abit impulsively. hahass... fitness is starting to pick up again, weights and boxing is all coming back to me baby... Now the final piece of the puzzle is running.. im always stuck with tis stewpid phrase lahs... sianz, need to push myself. heehee.. ^_^

(urgs.... my heart is bleeding as i blog here, a fren juz told me some bad news tat i have juz confirmed over the phone... gosh.... *leaking blood all over the place* )

***end of story***
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Jason's Famous Quotes: Having a Mobile always confers an advantage, and when i say Mobile, i dun mean a phone.

Went singing with aiying todae. wootz, she still sings super well and i sort of croaked thruout the session. hahass... she super de siao one lor, use the 'cartoon' voice to sing those songs, gan funny.. lolx... Todae we went to kbox at jurong east, and i tink the mic there totally sucked, sometimes got sound, sometimes dun have one lor... damn lousy.. zzzz watevers lahs, we are paying so lan lan have to sing, and i showed my slack side again.. hahass, lie down sing ktv, wootz, so comfortable, jittao like my own house like tat.. lolx.... and todae, i realised tat there's a chinese version of 127 days by vanness sia, i tot onli got kangta's korean version.. hmms... but i still like the korean version better. =)

After we sang till around 7pm, we went down to the jap food eating house to eat dinner. we spent around $20 bucks there and ordered alot of food.. hahass.. eat till siao... but the food is not bad... surprisingly... :P After that, went to this fashion with aiying cause she wanna see some clothes.. hmms... realised gal's clothes nowadays abit dull.. all the designs like same same de..

We proceeded home after that and i sent her home cause she stays just opposite my blk.. lolx, that's the advantage with going out with ur primary school fren, house near near, go home also can turbo tok cock. hahasss... she can realli crap seh, i respect her.. ^_-

Once i reached home, i feel super tired and realli wanna sleep early tonite, but as u can see, im still blogging at this hour, which means i failed... 0.0... And the anon ppl who is taggin in my blog, try to identify urself leh, i dun kw who u are lah.. lolx.... And the lastest anon person, i agree with u, asking her frens will prevent alot of mishaps and most prob i cant realli differenciate between love and frendship. hmms... thks whoever u are ya? u seem to kw me quite well in fact.... are u someone close to me??? 0.0??

FLASHFLOOD OF THOUGHTS....

Worried. Dun kw why, but it seems sometimes u simply are afraid of losing something or someone to someone else. Competition they say is healthy and im not afraid of the competition, just tat the notion of losing something or someone important to u looms over ur courage and determination. Lacings of genuinity could be found, yet where does the genuine originate? The source? Somethings when cropped up over time will depreciate, and love is one of these things.
Im not sure what im feeling is rite or wrong, should i actually let myself sink in once again? To prove to myself tat in the end, the light at the end of the tunnel is real? Hope is alive and well?

The competition has made moves, and yet i am static and inmobile, waiting for the correct moment. Will my hesitance result in yet another defeat? Or will my counter-strike yield more injuries to myself? I tried both approaches in the past, and both of which i applied on the wrong battlefield. Insecurity it seems is the main culprit for the defeats, i have special abilities, yet they can't be used in the first phrase of the battle, simply because they dun suit the 1st phrase at all. The enemy onli need deception ( word of mouth) and money (equipment) to herald a total victory over me. I feel totally weak and helpless during the relentless assault of the rich and the unscrupulous.

Okies, enough with the ramblings. Im just toking about some tactical maneuveurs. (Im lying...)

Todae was in skool in the morning to do project with my dear OB grp, and i was late for 45 mins.. -.-"" anyways, while doing project, i used nich's msn to pissed vivian and lilin off. And i do think to some extend its my fault, so fark me. K, since i just screwed myself, im feeling better. No more jokes with them anymore since they cannot take it. period. i dun wanna screw myself again. After the project, we bought food from canteen and ate on the benches outside popular bookstore.

Stats came after lunch and i went in to sleep for the first 30 mins, lolx. Then when i woke up, i paid attention to the lecture and totally understood sampling theory. yes, im that smart, dun question my intelligence. ^_^. And after the break, to my astonishment, elissa finally cannot take the boring lecture anymore and started to draw LA BI XIAO XING on my arm... but watevers lah, i let her draw lor, since we both were bored to tears and i sort of need some entertainment. literally. lolx. The drawing turned out quite nice and well, elissa managed to show me another of her traits, drawing dumb cartoons. LOLX. :P

After all these years, i still have a unforgettable song tat never fails to move me when i listen to it in the middle of the night. Daniel chan's 'tie xin'. The song personifies my sentiments and is realli wat i felt.

I knew someone with the figure and looks that i deemed perfect, yet there's simply no chemistry between us. I tried, yet everytime it ended in a explosion and i get condemned. Is there something wrong with me? i guess so, if not i also wont get condemned. If its 1 its still okay, but its 2, i have met 2 such ppl in my life so far.... and to one of them --> Sa Lang Hae You, its still onli meant for u. hope ur are doing well in skool.

On a final note, i guess i've learnt to cheat and lie to myself more then anything these few yrs. Maybe the trauma was too great, i've learnt to tell myself that frens can onli be frens and tat some people are not my type. I was totally wrong regarding tis perspective, i wanted someone who had a b cup and above, height around 170 and has no pimples. But i overlooked the most important criteria, chemistry. Being able to feel comfortable around someone and u kw u can be urself and tat person will accept u for who u realli are, that, indeed is most crucial when looking for someone to settle down with. Close ur eyes, dun look at her, listen to her and converse with her, u will understand what i mean. That's y according to a new theorem thought out by me, people who have lost their sense of sight have gained a invaluable sense: sincerity. People that cannot see are the most sincere people in the world, they observe the world with purely their hearts, with no biase element in their judgement...

Prevalent Despair...

Somethings realli aint meant to be known, I shouldnt have asked, since the answer is resounding thru my ears again and again. I sort of expected the given answer, i tot i could handle it since i have heard it countless times, but i sort of got hammered down even though im prepared. Omg, i guess fate simply doesnt like me at all. Again and again sincerity have failed me, i kw tis sounds loser but seriously speaking, tis is a vicious cycle. And i so intent to break this fucked up cycle. The bus trip was realli enlightening, i realised i asked 3 times and when i finally got the answer, i appear non-chalent, but yet there's tis super familiar feeling again... gosh... fark god or who-ever-is-up-there. Im getting realli tired of this fucking cycle and maybe tat's when despair converts into loser-hatred-for-the-world. What can i do to change the perception? i cant. its that simple. But its not from the horse's mouth, so its not tat bad... or is it?

Okies, nw onto daily life.
CAUTION: (Tis paragraph will be abit vulgar, so its not suitable for minors.)

<<<<<[I realised some ppl have been tagging fucked up stuffs in my fren's blog and pls ppl, dun do tis type of fucked up thing can? Nabei read then read lah, why go scold ppl in their blogs? You all wanna read then read lah, put something constructive in the tag, not go insult people. Watever lahs, just dun scold me in my tag board, wanna tag, tag something CONSTRUCTIVE. My mood isnt realli good sometimes so when i blog, i blog with a vengence. So to those intenting to be fucking pua cheebyes in my tag board, dun try. __ -.- __ ]>>>>>

Todae was OB class and i was late by 15 mins as usaul. Met alina on the way to skool and hence we went in together. OB was not that boring and after lessons, went on to do project with elissa and nich and alina. Was quite productive todae, we churned out a executive summary and a introduction, muahaha, we are smart people okay? Tml morning need to go to skool early to do the report seh, so tiring lahs... nb... but nvm, for the 5k i paid, i need to study. WOOTZ.

Oh ya, we ate at megabites after classes and the food was quite bad. My fish and chips was cold and clammy and it realli sux. And pertaining to the sucky food, i saw another person i dun like. In my skool, there's a few guys that i dun like at all, see their face alreadi i alreadi feel my blood boiling. I dun stereotype ppl much, but these people, once i see the face, i kw they aint no good ppl. Im NEVER a wrong judge of ppl in my life b4, and when ppl get burned/hurt, they come to me telling me im so rite about the person. But the gist of the problem is, i tell ppl the person is evil to PREVENT them from getting hurt, and yet they onli realised im rite AFTER they got burned... haiz... ppl, ppl, ppl... wake up pls? So in the end, i dun tell ppl who is those evil ppl anymore, cause ppl might tink im crapping or jealous or petty or some sort of stewpid reaction.
In my lecture class, there's quite a number of these sort of beasts but i choose to keep my mouth shut, in case my frens tink im mad or something. But i will always have tis obvious distain for these beings, and once they touch or hurt my frens, the consequences is a simple 3 words. DIE.

Went to jurong point to shop for rei's bday present with the grp and bought rei a colonge for him. wootz, GAME by davidoff... nice fragrance, i tink i will get one for myself when my pay comes... muahahahasss... After that, elaine,nich, rice and me went to eat LJS, and suddenly my phone ranged. To my surprise its corinne... lolx, in that instance, alot of images flashed past my mind, why did she sms me? Its seems she had some difficulties with her current company and wanted someone to tok to, and i called her when i reached hm to sort of counsel her. Its intriguing how come after not contacting for so long, we still spoke like best frends on the phone with no awkwardness in between... there;s not a single moment when there's silence, we juz chatter on and on.... lolx... its feels so good when u kw she is a fren, a real fren tis time round. ^_^

And by some unknown coincidence, once i ended corinne's call, aiying smsed me for dinner... nb i todae like super busy like tat.... She wanted to eat KFC and jio me out to eat, so rare lor, i used to call her go eat fish porridge with me she always lazy one, but todae dun kw y so special...lolx..
Anyways b4 meeting aiying, i still had some time to train abit, so on came my gloves and i had a fun time boxing away, at the same time recapping tat guy's stupid face. Feel the heat baby! Fear rages, blood pumps, death beckons! grrrr~~~!!!

And on a final note, i reached home at around 9 plus and started to make my wallpaper. a personalized wallpaper... lolx.. so fun lors, wallpaper lehs... siao siao. I will upload into my phone and use it, then tml show off to my frens! WOOTZ!

THANK YOU ELISSA!

Wee... my birthday is over le. and im officially 23 nw... omg, im so old le.. hahas... birthday resolution = train train train. Yesterday was a fun day, and ytd was also the day when i realised how important frens are. I might not show it on my face, but in my heart, im juz glad i had my frens with me. Ah tan, nich, XH, rei and alina, thks for celebrating my birthday with me. And i purposely left someone out simply because the next section is going to be her her her and her. hahasss :P

Elissa, if u are reading tis, thks for everything ya? im not super sure u are the mastermind but it certainly seems so. Having a fren like u is realli one of the blessings god-or-whoever-is-up-there have given me. Totally appreciate wat you've done gal, totally. U may be dumb sometimes, but tat makes u special, and after knowing u for sometime, u are not TAT dumb after all. lolx...
And before i forget, u are NOT balding lah, dun turbo repeat and tell ppl u're balding lah, so dumb lor.. hahasss :P I promise u tat i will not forget wat you've done and when ur birthday comes, be sure i will make it a special one. heehee.. =) (And ppl, thanks for the wallet ya? Just wat i needed. hahass)

Sometimes, true frens appear just when u needed them, which people are realli sincere frens and which are just passerbys u can see straight away. Now i kw who are the people tat realli cares and would gladly make the effort to come to swensen to celebrate my bday for me,not forgeting those that smsed me or msned me ya? Frends, thks for making the difference. ^_^

Yesterday afternoon, i started on my weights again le. lolx, was listening to 'its raining' and 'scandal' and i was grooving to the music while i trained. wootz, long time never felt so good le..
the burning sensation, the smell and feel of sweat... wah... been a long long time le... muahaha, weights is always fun and tough, makes u feel like a man. And there's a reason for this sudden urge to train up and lose weight, that reason, i wont say.

Alritey, gonna go play dota le, i swear to the farking heavens tat i will finally be ripped. i SWEAR!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON....

Well well well, todae went to watch tokyo drift and the show was nice lors... the cars.. omg... The gals hot is one thing, but the cars... wah lau a... i can give up the gals in the show juz for the cars lors.... ta ma de.... but i need to be more matured ba. Business comes before cars and luxury. Money makes the world goes round and i will be starting a business soon. heehee.. with my frens tat is. Rei , tan , nich , eli, ali are all interested. wootz, lucky i have so many entrepreneurer frens. hahasss. ^_^

I've decided to learn the art of charisma, not tat type to cheat ppl, but those type that instills confidence in ppl. In my life, i do have a couple of frens like tat and i realli need to learn. People say charisma is inborn, so i tink i should rephrase my sentence: i need to unlock my charisma. lolx. And in order to do tat, i have and need to lose weight. My blog is not a entire personification of wat i actually am, but its alreadi a close definition. Im not entirely useless it seems, i do have some talents of my own.

And right now while im bloggin, my psychologist-to-be fren mr peter li is analysing someone's personality and maturity level for me.. lolx... the conclusion he give is super farnnie lors.. hahass.. realli made my day lahs. He even quoted some silly study from some legendary psychologist to support his insistence on the person's maturity level lors. hahass...

Hmms, i tink the above entry should suffice for tonite. Im too tired to blog too much on my birthday anyways. happi birthday to me myself and i..... happy birthday jason...

Safety Message of the day: The Wrath Of A Woman Is Deadly.

Story of 2 Dogs

The above refers to me and xuanhe, i was heading home with xh in a 154 bus juz now and the bus was REALLI SLOW. 10km per hr, and xh went down to ask the bus driver is the bus spoiled and if it is, we will change bus. The uncle was super rude and he started mumbling wat 'little brother and little sister hold hands go and die' in chinese, i tot the uncle was crazy and was funny and i laughed, but when he mumbled something about 2 dogs, i instantly went into EVIL mode and asked xh is he insulting us, i was going to walk to the uncle and land punches on him le, but xh dissuaded me and pulled me off the bus at clementi to change to bus 99. The farking cb uncle farking heng, ccb. Once i start hit him, i cfm let him lie down one, cb attitude problem. I was so mad lor, he's realli lucky, i might not be a good fighter, but i can and will finish him in 5 punches.
I hope he farking die tomolo or maybe when he go home today let car bang then roll over him till he stick to the tar on the road. cb kia. fark him. gan si lang tulanz sia.

Kk, anyways, lets move on. Todae went to play pool again and we continued or league. Rei was super suay todae seh, hahass, he turbo miss the hole and we laughed like siao over his misfortune sia. hahasss... b4 going for pool though, we had stats lesson and stats is getting abit harder le lors, but logically speaking its still okay for me, although practical wise i didnt do much stats... lolx....

And recounting ytd, i went with the grp to bugis to play pool, and i was certain tat glyn was angry with me stuff, cause i read her blog and realised she kws i blogged about her on the bash thing.... omg... she's so pissed lahs... aiyoh, anyways i didnt realli dared to speak to her, later she shoot me how? but surprisingly, she's okay leh... in fact i find her nice and normal lors.... lucky she never got super tulanz or something lahs, heng ah. Hmms, maybe she's juz tired tat day ba, in the end she's still nice and stuff lors... hahasss.. :P

On a final note, i trained tis morning and realised my fists weakened le lor... ta ma de, too long never trained, the knuckles also softhened le... haiz.... weak le lahs... nvm, shall slowly build it up again. Tml will do weights in the morning and start the cycle all over again, maybe will go down run a round or 2 to lose weight ba. lolx, i want a donnie yen body!!! hahass... try my best to achieve that ba... Beautiful body, here i come! 0.0""

DXO BASH!!!!

Woo...woo...woo..., todae was a busy busy day... lolx.. or should i say ytd? hahasss, i juz reached home from boat quay. hahass, ytd nite was my skool's bash at DXO and frankly, its not fun at all lor. Realli boring and no fun at all, but luckily at least my frens they all are good self entertainers and we're tried real hard. hahass.. There's the pagaent thingy going on at the bash, and as expected, reilly emerged the guy winner. wee you wee! the 'johnny bravo' go eat dung! If u're wondering who is johnny bravo, he is juz some cock that i dun wanna tok about. Anyways, glynis and elissa were also in the pagaent and they are pretty lors... but glynis walks and dances like a donald duck and elissa was sooooooo kinky in her french maid outfit.. lolx, but the best was rei, he was in a pilot outfit and he looks so smart and sharp in that lor... sometimes realli envy his boyish good looks.. :P but im not bad looking myself too, provided i slim down.. -.-"" lolx.

Anyways glyn met up with us after the event ended but elissa went to join her student council frens. hmms, wasted, could have disturbed her and laughed my heads off. LOLX.
then we juz nua around and went to have supper at glutton's bay, then went back to DXO to shake butts.. by then most ppl alreadi went home and its around 3am le, we danced abit then around 330am, we went to slack and lie around at lvl 2 till 4am when DXO closes. After that, we proceeded to the walkway beside singapore river and slack there till around 530am+++, then slowly went to macdonalds at boat quay for breakfast.

At macs, i wanted to give glyn my big breakfast because she says my meal should be hers but the auntie gave it to me instead and told her to wait. And naturally, i offered her my meal lah, since im not tat hungry, and yet she scolded me... i mean wat the? zzzz, then i simply sianz 1/2 and dun realli wanna tok anymore. Am i wrong? i dun tink so lor... watevers, screw it, i cant be bothered le, and i tink glyn kws im tulanz also. but heck lah, since she dun like me so much, then might as well tok less to her ba, i dun wanna get scolded for nothing.

Recapping, i actually engaged in some meaningful conversations with alina while we are at the bay slacking, lolx. most of the guys and gals are sleeping and dying around, yet alina and me are so fit and we tok about some relationship stuffs.. hahasss... dun kw y, i trust her alot and i told her bits and pieces of my legends... *_*... i dun usaully tell gals about my legends and stuffs, mostly i tell guy frens onli. ^_^ I guess alina can be trusted ba.. hahasss =)

Elissa the poor poor thing, i heard from glyn tat she need to wax her lips because the pageant person says she got those small small moustache and is unsightly. I mean come on lor, its because of those stuff tat made her cute lor, and they made her do tat.. kaoz.. and in the end it became sensitive and reddish lor... ta ma de, dun kw which gay shit told her to do tat, so poor thing sia.

And finally b4 i go out once again, i have decided to train up once again. lolx, dun kw how long tis will last ba, cause i got period de, but i realli wanna train and be like donnie yen. tat is wat i call a fighter, he has martial arts background and is realli realli zai. god bless i can continue my 3 min hotness ba... lolz... kk, gtg, chill and peace ppl!

Todae went to NLB at bugis to study for my accts test tml. lolx, on the way, i met with some realli funny stuffss... hahass....

Event 1:
A guy sat beside me and he have the dry skin disease, the scarbima or something like tat de. so he was turbo scatching lor, and his flakes all fly around.. wah kaoz, i realli wanna whack him lor, i have nothing against ppl like him lah, i understand noone wants tis type of disease also, but pls be considerate and dun spread the flakes around mah. kaoz. Here comes the best part, he feel asleep and NEARLY lie on my shoulder... wah lan a.. gay lah, and guess wat i did? I use my leg to bang his leg to wake him up. hahsss.. *evil* then i gave him my trademark 'boxer glare'! wootz, he instantly sat up straight and look infront.. lolx.. so funny lor.. hahasss

Event 2:
I went to mcdonalds at bugis to buy chocolate milkshake, then the gal asked me 3 times i want take away or having in. i repeated 3 times i want take away, then u kw wat? she took out a tray and put everthing on the tray and gave me the tray.. -.-... wah lau a, i want TAKE AWAY lor, kaoz, damn dumb sia, she keep looking at me intensively and in the end nvr took my order correctly... wat the??? zzzzz

Event 3:
Reached NLB finally, was there for awhile and spotted a cute gal. lolx... nich and the others all there le, i sat down and studied for like 1 hr, then i finish le. short and sweet, i dun like to dwell on a thing too long, its juz dumb. I dun like to waste time, wat i like to do is go in, do wat u need to do, then go off. i HATE ppl who dily-daly ( i kw spell wrongly, but wth :P) and waste time, hence when i go out with my group, i dun like it when they nua here stand there wait for this and that. People like to chat and tok cock in their own world and stand there like dumb dumb like tat. And nich and the ppl did juz tat, i simply took my bag and farked off to bugis junction to walk around, and when they called me, i told them when they ready then call me ba. see? tat's wat i call a man, dun wait here wait there, a guy must have initiative and lead by example, dun stand and wait for some miracle to happen. period.

Okay, finished with todae's events. now on to my new philosophy tat i pondered about on my way home from bugis. DEATH IS THE EPITOME OF MATURITY. yupz, tat sums up my tots on the mrt. Its quite true rite? when someone is nearing death, and when ppl die, his/her whole life will flash by him/her in a instance from his birth up to his present state. And he/she shall see his/her actions and reflect upon them and tat state is wat i called STATE OF PERFECT HARMONIOM. Its a state when he/she will gain the ultimate enlightenment, viewing him/herself from the perspective of a completely different entity. wootz. smart ya? thks. :P

K le ba, go sleep le, tml got alot of shyt to settle. hahass.. gd luck to my accts test tml! ciaoz@!

ANOTHER HAVE LEFT ME....

Aiseh, todae got a few stuffs to blog le. lolx. ytd i went to pool club again, and guess what, i lost 4 match in a row... kaoz... the feeling or losing sux, dun kw y, but the stewpid ball juz doesnt wanna go into the damn hole. zzzz, the whole evening i've been losing and i feel so bored.
and when there was once i was going to win, nich have 5 balls on the table, and i onli have the black ball, and when i shoot the black ball into the hole, i smiled and tot i won.... until the my stupid white ball bounced around the table and went into a hole.... O M G~~~ wah lan a... i lost lor... sianz lor....

Then when i reached home, i wanted to link ppl to my blog, so i went to a fren's new blog to take alook, and i realised she's been thru something realli bad. No wonder tat time tok to her on msn she said she was busy.. -.-" hmms, should have checked out her blog earlier ba, then at least i kw wat's happening. ^_^ Life sometimes i full of ups and downs, humans need to move on in life ya? i hope tis helps u. =)

Another sad news is that my mum told me tis morning was that my senior grandma has passed away tis morning at 5am+. I tink i have alot of grandmas, lolx, altogether, i have 4 grandmas, 2 from my dad side and 2 from my mum sia. i onli have 2 grandpas. lolx.. the grandma that passed on was from my dad's side, she's no my dad's mother, hence i wasnt veri close to her.
Im supposed to visit her at hougang todae, and yet... i guess no need le.. haiz... its quite saddening to know another of ur grandparents have left the world. Im now left with 4 grandparents...

Thinking about the topic, i realised tat in the end, everybody have to leave. And everybody includes me, i will grow old and die. tat's the best scenario tat can happen, cause nowadays ppl die from car accidents , suicide bombings, bird flu and etc... So to be able to grow old and die peacefully in ur sleep is alreadi considered a blessing. ya, veri true coming to terms with the fatality rate nowadays.

I need to finish up my OB assignment tonite, cause friday is dateline, and im still playing maple.. hahass, sometimes, even im surprised at my no-stress attitude. Im not irresponsible by the way, i completed my work fast, and i earned my slack time. lolx. :P Im not saying im smart or being cocky lah, its juz that im a fast worker and i can produce in limited time provided i am in the mood. heeheee.... wootz.... so boring leh my blog, cannot in the nxt entry, shall inject some humour in. lolx... CRUDE HUMOUR. *_*

A DAY IN MY 'HAPPI' LIFE...


Well well well, ppl have start to complain i blog too much on my love life le.. hahass... actually i also tink so lor, nb almost 95% of my entries is gals gals gals, i need to intro u ppl to my life. =)

All right, lets start. Todae went to NLB to study with elissa, turn out i went there to nua and help her edit her essay. My essay onli needs a little touching up here and there, then refine abit the references then the whole thing will be done le. heehee.

Lets see, morning i woke up at around 11am, then ate chilli fishball kway teow, the fishball smell funny de, cause my lao bu bought the thingy at around 8am. lolx.. then after tat, played a little maple to lvl up to lvl 12. I kw its a gay game, but my frens playing leh, so need to play also mah.
then went to NLB meet elissa, on the way there, i bought some corochan and a apple juice for her, but reach there le realised cannot bring food in sia. ta ma de, in the end need to call eli out and eat outside lors.. ge dumb. -.-""

Guess who else i met in the library? lolx, i met my OG leaders baoyu and sharon(i tink tat's her name...) sia. hahass, singapore so small lor, like tat also can see each other.. lolx. :P Heng heng they also doing research there, so jittao call them vet my essay for me cause they senior mah. wootz, im smart, i kw it. dun need to tell me. ^_^ V

Anyways after tat, elissa went home to eat bak kut teh, and i joined nich and ah tan and clarice for dinner at the bugis market hawker centre. nothing much there to see and eat lor, but there;s this cai tao kuay stall tat got alot of ppl line up, we went to buy also, tinking got Q = good food....
in the end... disappointed, totally normal lor. sianz, waste money. zzz

tomolo going to skool in the afternoon, then got pool again! wee you wee! these few days, i've been itching to play pool, but noones wanna go cause they say keep playing pool veri sianz.. kaoz... but one thing is still on my mind, i haben came out with my OB assignment's final draft... lolx... nvm, shall nua and wrap up the whole thing last min, cause tat is my trademark finisher. wootz <*_*>

Whole day rotted at home. Downloaded maple story, played abit. Not as bad as i thought. Wanted to go suntanning with stuart tml, but he humji, say tml maybe pool neber open.. = =""
There's alot tat's been happening these few days, juz 2 days ago, i went out with ah tan they all at nite. lolx.. ah tan and elaine drove me,nich,rei and jeanette out. We went to bedok to eat first, then after tat around 11+ we went to changi see bapo, lolx. then we went changi beach near the tekong ferry terminal to see aeroplanes. After that we went to pasir ris park to see ppl fish prawns, then finally we went geylang eat beancurd and see 'chickens'. hahasss... so happening lors, and while we are at changi, ah tan purposely stopped the car nxt to a ba po and wind down reilly's window lor.. HAHASSS, reilly jittao froze and grab on the door fearing the ba po might rape him.. hahasss :P

That nite was super tiring, i reached home at around 430am, wootz, jittao early lor. ^_^
Hmms, got ppl tagging on my tagboard sia.. hahass, so happi. ^_^ but u all kw, the person tat i realli wanna see tagging on my blog is... lolx... haiz, suan le ba. Anyways, she wont be reading my blog ba.. if u're reading tis, pls tell me are u reading my blog? 1 more mth, after 1 more mth, i will contact u again.... till then, wait for me... =)

Hmms, yesterday nite was raining, and as u guys kw by now, rain always make me tink alot. well i admit i was tinking about her, i dun kw why, but when it rains, i always tink about her. i juz put up my tagboard and hence pls tag something after reading about my life ya? thks ^_^

My blog might not be as interesting as other ppl's blog, but to me, its the best in the world, simply because i recounts all my these 2 yrs of living. Who kws wat will i be after 5 yrs from now? i might be blogging here as a entirely different person. But noone will kw the answer, onli time will tell.

Was having probability lecture 2 days ago in skool, and i was tinking about tis veri philosophical maths question.
Q: What is the probability of the probability of a probable outcome becoming probable?

lols, the prob lesson was abit easy, hence i need to tink of something to make it more worthwhile staying in the lecture instead of dozing off.. hahasss. Walking out of the past image, i have yet arrived at another problematic stage in my life. Im still dragging somethings from my past with me to the present. What is it? im not saying. heehee...

Watever, im rotting at home these days, simply because of 1 fact, im broke.. hahasss i guess my mum is rite, when i stay at home, most prob i have no money to go out ba. wootz, mum kws me best.. :P Im also contemplating to write a song now, for who i dun kw, for wat i also dun kw, so juz write ba, and dun fill in name until 'she' comes along or back. =)

Everybody is rushing the OB assignment lor, i dun understand y, but to me, the assignment is a breeze. lolx, not tat im cocky or wat lah, but take it easy mah, rushing and worrying about the assignment is like so dumb lor, juz take it easy, and its onli a 1000 words essay mah, 3hrs is the max to finish it lor, y so rush? hmms... typical singaporeans? kiasu kiasee? hahasss :P

And b4 i forget, i will paste the magic book i was toking about most of the time here ba. At least u all will get a idea of wat i meant by the 'magic scrap book', and therefore realised im such a dumb person. :P hahasss joking lahs, i nvr once regretted making the book for adeline, cause i realli like her alot. ^_- here goes:



<--- The front page. :)

<--- Her likes and dislikes...

<---What is the most beautiful thing?

<--- your heart....

<--- This is where i first saw her on 20th mar 8am..

<---Her seat when she sat beside me...

<---The one and onli time we had breakfast alone...

<---A brief calendar of events... lolx..

<---Calendar part 2..

<---Calendar part 3...

<--- The reason why i like u so much???

<---I have written ur name 7036 times juz to ask for 1 chance...


For those who wonders where is the 7036 names, take a closer look at one of the 'blank' pages...

Todae changed my blog outline.. muahaha... looks better ba. i shouldnt stay tat stale le.
anyways, tis few days have been a good kid and was at home thruout, simply because im finantially dry. T_T... wanna go out also bo lui, my fren jio me go watch long hu men and fast and the furious also no money sia, cb one. But heck lah, i dun kw y, i rot too much in the end took out my guitar and started playing again.. lolx.. suddenly the urge to compose came back le.. hahass... wootz, maybe tis time i will start to succeed in writing a song? Who the song is to, and wat is it about i dun kw, but can de lah... after INCIDENT ADELINE, i realised when i realli put my heart to a thing, i can do it. i farking hell write and designed a scrapbook for her lors, wat else cant i achieve?

deep in my heart hor, i understand tat adeline still carrys some weight no matter how i bluff and cheat myself telling myself tat she's not worth it. lolx, i've been dumb all this while, trying to escape the truth? nah, fark it lor, im a man, and i shall face everything from now on. no use trying to run away from it mah, rite?

As for my current state of mind, i guess i juz want a good life nxt time.. lolx.. earn money, then buy car, preferbly a moded BMW GTR in black and orange. muahaha, but reality onli tells me maybe i can onli afford a subaru WRX ba... lolx, but nvm de lahs, as long as its moded and in black and orange can le, i shall personally design the stickers! wootz

Im starting to have a brief idea of my business structure le, i went to read DBS bank's financial
performance sheets. lolx, its in MILLIONS lor... ta ma de... so rich... kaoz.
sometimes i was tinking it realli wasnt about money, hahass, its the process ba. money is juz a score of how u do in the process, and for me, i want to be in the top 50 on the scoreboard. :)

Sianz, i've been going to the toilet for 23 times for the past 2 days, my stomach something wrong sia, maybe i ate something wrong or did something wrong tat god wana punish me.. zzz
cb 23 times lor, my asshole super sore and pain lor, machiam my rectum is coming out also. = ="

aiyah, watever lahs, fark the world, shall go play dota now. wootz.

monday... uneventful day, but still another day ba. ! wait.. not realli uneventful, haass.. todae were eating at megabites after skool with ah tan, rei, nich, eli, glyn and cherie. we saw a PRC gal not wearing bra! lolx... no wonder rei and the guys were saying its so 'hot' in there.... lolx... her nips are like poking out lor... super farnnie sia.. hahasss even the gals are transfixed by her assets and we're like discussing about her breasts... lolx... super farnnie lor..hahasss then ah tan was soooo RED sia.. lolx.... he damn paiseh.. :P

But tat's just a small anecdote lor, the best part is i realised a person can be reali dumb de.. LOLX... so farnnie.... hahasss... eli and i went to the library to study after lunch, and we wanted to borrow some bks to bring to com lab for reference, and guess wat? elissa was complaining to me tat the machine cannot use... i looked over and instantly realised y.... the sign was written 'RETURN'... LOLX... Wat the?? HAHAHAHASSSS its super funny lor... omg, she was like trying for soooo long lor.... hahasss... damn cartoon sia eli... she realli made my day.. lolx...then when i disturb her, her helpless expression is sooooo cute and funny sia... hahasss.... its so fun being with her lor... lolx.. then we went up to com lab to do OB essay.. hahass... todae, we realli did some work, nvr waste time. realli. ^_^

Went to read glyn's blog and realised there's tis dumb guy called kl tat tagged on her blog saying he wanna kw her.. LOLX... omg... tat guy is seeking death... hahahasss at least that's wat i tot...
he cfm become the dun kw number wat contestant going to be rejected ba... haiz.. poor creature. :P

Downloaded some bangla techno.. lolx... surprisingly its quite nice.. i like it... omg.. am i going mad? or have i advanced to another level of music appreciation? :P Anyways fark it, im going to sleep le, so tired lor. And b4 i go, i have not been training for 1 week le.. i damn guilty lor, im getting fat again... haiz... sianz, MAYBE tml will start weights again..... but i still prefer boxing leh... aiyoh, fark me, im a guy, must not be indecisive. i go koon first, tml then say. ^_- NITEZ!

Yesterday, was suddenly overrun by emotions in class again... dun kw y, i simply dun wanna tok. Silence seems realli golden sometimes. Im feeling damn empty now leh, i dun even kw y. Wat is it im seeking? if i cant define it myself, who can? I dun understand myself sometimes, its like i wanted to reach tis goal, and i worked hard for it, and when im reaching it, i sort of lose interest in it... y? Am i realli so fickle? hmms.....

The sun is shining down on me now, the warmth feels nice and relaxing. It sort of melts the coldness im feeling in my heart all this while. And im feeling guilty because ytd i did not hand in my accts assignment... im taking everything non-chalently again, and tat's good, cause tat's my trademark. ^_-. Why bother to rush together with the crowd? life's too short to be preoccupied with non important stuffs rite? ( shyt, im going to farking fail my U le.. -.-"" wat sort of cock tinking is tat? lolx.. )

My blog is like a entertainment to some frens... lolx... he says my blog is veri happening and is always seeking to see me blog on adeline.. -.-""" hahasss, u kw who u are gay shit. __
But it seems my frens are getting more and more, and tat means going out and catching up more and more, which leads to the final conclusion ---> NO MONEY.

i need to find a part time job, im jobless for 1 mth le... omg....sianz, knn the bo lui feeling realli sux. right now everyday im rotting time away... my lessons are like so few and far between sia, might as well go work earn some money...

Daily life is becoming routine le, and i will not and shall not endure routine life, i need a breakthru, and tat is wat i MUST do. later will go downstairs and run abit, cause i tink i need some fresh air ba. im stale for too long.. realli realli too long le...

Im just came back from clubbing at COCCO LATTE. lolx... its a dumb and small club..-.-""
but b4 i went clubbing, i went to eat dinner with my starhub frens. Adeline did not come. i dun kw the reason y, but im totally disappointed cause the main reason for me being there is her.
But its' a good move by her, she simply made me get realli disappointed in her. The feeling of affection for her is slowly being devoured by the disappointment. Alot of other ppl did not come also, but they do have valid reasons such as tuition and stuffs...

In the end, todae was the day when i awaken from yet another silly dream. Adeline in the end was not wat i realli wanted. Even when i sms her sometime last week, she didnt realli bothered to reply much. I feel tat she dun realli wanted to reply and simply dun want me in her life. She cant be bothered even as a frend. So in the end, i realli woke up to the fact tat its just me and im realli dumb to commit to such a person. She in the end was not worth it at all, she may be the perfect gal for me pertaining to wat i feel, yet in the end, she was not to be. Sour grapes, ppl might say, yet for me i kw sincerely tat someone who dun treasure sincerity isnt tat good a person after all. Im just the most naive guy she had came across in her life, tat is proven and confirmed.

When i went clubbing with elissa, i realised elissa was a thousand and one times better then adeline, although eli was just a frend. She's fun to be with and a whole lot better when it comes to responding to me as a person. But too bad elissa just treats me as a fren and not as a potential candidate, yet tat point simply reminds me tat a fren can treat me a ton better then someone who i did so much for. I dun regret doing all tat for her and even the scrapbook, just tat there's a tinge of sorrow tat comes with the understanding of adeline. Im not childish at all, its verified by my new frens at SIM, its just adeline simply dun wanna kw me better as a person and immediately condemned me.

Its simply unfair to me, she treats me so shabbily and yet my heart is still affixed to her. I feel so dumb right now, when i was on my way to meet elissa after the dinner with jiawei and company, i tot about alot of things, and on my ipod shuffle, the song
ZHI DUI NI SHUO was played. Its so fated, and tat will be the last time i hear the song and tink of adeline. Its time to get over her and get on with life, there's so many girls and i was so stuck up to be so devoted to her. I dun want another 'corinne' incident in my life. No more, period.

Right now, i have to learn how to live life all over again, and not be so dumbly devoted to someone who dun deserve it. She can realli go eat grass for all i care, because i have finally seen the light. Someday on some lonely nite, i might think of adeline again, but most of the time from now on, its going to be someone else and not her anymore. She wants me to give up? she did it, i finally officially got over her. Goodbye adeline. Sa lang hae yo is not onli for u anymore, its reserved for someone else tat deserves it. ^_^.

Tomolo will be going to study at dun-kw-where with the dumb kukubird elissa. lolx... i sms her alreadi she havent reply...-.-""" tat dumb bird cfm sleep already le bah... hahass... she dance so well tonite lors... normally see her like wanna sleep wanna sleep like tat, tonite she so hyper.. hahass... well well well, i saw another side of her perhaps? lolx.. hope she dun see tis, if not she cfm kill me.. :P

Wootz, todae is a tiring day... whole day of lessons... lolx.. and i didnt pass up my accounts homework... haiz.. amen.. :P

Anyways, in the morning, i went for business computing lesson, and i was late.. hahass... unusaul leh, i always on time de.. watever bahs, i shared com with elaine and i nearli died from lameness.. she is the crappest and lamest gal i have met so far.. lolx.. but its fun lahs, keeps u awake with her lame and cold jokes.. hahass... She's nice and sweet gal lors, she made sandwich for ah tan leh... siao siao.. so sweet of her because ah tan is sick.. *hint*

then in the afternoon, went for account class... hmms... nothing much except confusion in class.
i wore my new pullover and a pink polo to skool todae, and eli was commenting i look gay.... then vivian says not nice, looks veri weird... but im like no lors... its so decent and studious leh.. hahass, like those ang mohs in those high skool shows mah... then after skool hors, we went to eat at MEGABITE and the cutlet there was NICE... lolx.. the western rox over there mans...
went there with cherie, nich (pregnant), viv, lilin (hiphop gal), jiaying and alina and elissa(kukubird).. :P

Its sorta out of the ordinary that cherie was with us, cause she usaully sticks to glynis.. hmms...
after tat we went to play pool at clementi.. wootz... it was fun and i got to kw cherie much better.
she's a fun and easy-going gal and ya, she's attached but her bf like not so good to her.. hahass
i tink i should try to kw more of those low profile ppl in our grp ba... but glynis is realli hard to kw and get close cause she's like sooooo anti guys sometimes... hmms... and right now she's the onli one tat dun realli sticks with us sometimes... i wished she would just open up more and just join us more in our activities... hahass... but i read her blog todae and realised 3 or 4 guys again was rejected and pissed her off...-.-""

Tomolo im going to meet my starhub frens for dinner at marina south le. which meant i will see adeline. im trying to get myself mentally prepared for tat, cause it will be the first time i see her after giving her the book. What will happen tomolo? I tink i shall act as if nothing has happened and see if i still like her as much as i claimed ba. Time does change ppl and i have to reaffirm my heart's position.

Will sa lang hae you will be still said to her onli? or has it quietly changed to someone else? haiz...
nvm ba, shall watch and see wat sort of tricks heaven plays on me tomolo....

todae went to watch pirates of the carribean AGAIN. lolx... but nvm lahs, watch with my classmates.. lolx.

todae i got to kw a few more of my classmates better. hahass... elaine was realli farnnie and lame, buay tahan her.. hahass.. normally see her dun tok much de, she actually is SUPER lame.. lolx.. Then there's cherie... she abit dumb de...-.-.. watch action movie also scared, cover her face with her hands at those 'gan choing' moments... lols? its pirates lor, not some horror flick... hahas
The jeanette likes to hold the lift for ppl de... she's always the one to press the lift button for us, maybe her ambition is lift-lady? like those in japan de? L O L X

We went to minds cafe to play board games nxt, and its was quite fun lahs, we ended up playing jenga all the way.. hao wudi... k le, i go play game le.. hahass... i finally found the mood to play dota again... but its onli 1 match. lolx... and now, its still u and onli u adeline.... sa lang hae yo...

Tis few days, i've been reading someone else's blog. Its a she... she's a veri interesting gal and veri weird also.. lolx... but the funny thing is, she hates romantic ppl.... dun kw y... She hates guys tat care for her, she wants someone tat dun give a damn, and dun sms her all the time and stuff like tat... lols? so different from the normal girls... hahass.. but from her, i learnt a valuable lesson, girls come in realli different patterns.

Romance is not treasured by some, and yet at the end of the day when gals get attached, they complain tat their bfs are not romantic enough... im like duh... women are contradictary creatures and i truely believe tat. Im not saying im a super casanova, but at least i kw wat is qing diao...

Hmm, her blog realli sets me tinking... food for thought?
Question: Why are there ppl tat hate romantic ppl?

Possibility 1: Maybe they've been hurt b4 by some romantic guy tat turn out to be a jerk.
Possibility 2: Its built in his/her genes tat generally hate romantic ppl.
Possibility 3: He/she is crazy and jealous of the world because noone was ever good to him/her.

There's more answers to tat question and im not going to dwell there, cause tat would go too deep into the psychology of homo sapiens. ^_^
But its quite a waste because tat gal tat blogged tat is a realli pretty and fun girl, and yet mentally she's so extreme. Hmms... well, i hope she dun see my blog, if not she cfm kill me in
school. lolx

todae was a fun day. hahass.. celebrated alina's birthday and i was sort of the mastermind. :P
elissa was also my accomplice.... hahasss... we ge siao all condemn alina todae and she was like so
sad, then in the end after our lecture in the evening, we order pizza and everything to celebrate for her.. lolx.. hahasss... Life in U is getting fun day by day, and skoolwork also increase day by day... u can feel the tension in the air slowly building up. 0.0 But the sad thing is everybody went home after the celebration... sianz.. no other programs... -.-"" but nvm, go home early also good.

Went to jurong point with xuanhe as he wanna buy pencil leads, i bought 5 polo t shirts from hang ten in diffrent colours..-.-"" hahahass, but worthwhile lahs, i suddenly have tis thing for polos. The look damn guyish. wootz. But the best thing was, i saw my crush from poly days in popular! wow... she looks good sia, a red tube and a scarf... wooooootzzz.... but i dun kw her lahs, she's just a crush last time.. hahasss..
but seeing my crush, i realised 1 thing, my taste in gals changed drastically from when i was young... i've had a number of girls in my life, and they all are different patterns de.. -.-""
farnnie sia.. lolx, but none of them am i as sincere to them as adeline....
haiz, toking about her, im still missing her, i kw i shouldnt be typing tis here, yet i have the urge to just put it down here.... slowly and slowly, bit by bit, im getting over her, yet not completely at the moment... i admit there's now someone else in the picture, she's veri... lets say unique from other gals... hahass.. thinking about her brings a smile to me.. lolx.. she's like super lame lors... hahass...but i havent realli made any advances yet, because i understand the simple logic tat u have to get over someone b4 starting a new relationship.

i did drop a few subtle hints to her tat i find her interesting, and i tink things are fine so far. ^_^
Im not going to illustrate more about her, because tat would basically tell the whole world who she is.. -.-"" im not doing the same mistakes again... lolx....

But still adeline, if u're reading tis, i still like u alot. And the last words i gave u in the msg b4 i left starhub is still valid for u onli and i will not say it to other gals.... SA LANG HAE YO adeline...

Its been a long long time since i blogged. Its now july le. i gave her the bk tat i made for her on the 2nd of july b4 i left starhub.
I love her, there's no qualms about tat. And yet i kw i she shall never be with me.
Confidence has expired, hopes have died. Its time to move on.
Its one of those nites again, when the moon seems to hide and my emotions are flooding me.
Adeline is at NUS Union camp now, im sort of worried about her. Why am i still worried?
im supposed to have place 'everything' with the bk on her table when i left....
Im sort of surprised tat i have completed the scrapbook, cause i have never done something like
tis for ANY gal, even corinne...

Im bloggin now because i realli have alot of things in my heart tat i cant release...
I've known some new frends in SIM, which makes me tink about its farnnie how ppl from totally different worlds will get to kw each other and eventually become a part of each other's lives.
SIM, its supposed to be another turning pt in my life and im SUPPOSED to get over adeline.
Its realli hard, but im realli trying... realli realli trying....

Indeed, i have known a few gals in SIM tat are realli nice and pretty girls. But its realli not about
looks anymore, who can i click more with? Im clicking with tis pretty and sweet girl now, but i realli feel we're just frens. i dun kw y, initially im like 'tis girl is nice and sweet'... but after kwing her more, i realli feel tat we're just frens will do, reminds me of corinne...Im not putting her name here, im not dumb.

There's onli like 5 guys and ALOT of girls in our grp. And tat is not realli a good thing. People blabber on and on about going to a female dominated Uni and having loads of pretty gals surround u and so on and so forth. But wat the heck man, gals are also human beings lor, so wat
if ur're whole lecture theatre have like 70% girls? Its paradise for flirts and farktarts but for me,
having more girls onli reminds me more of her.

ARGH, wat the fark man, i tink i go sleep le, cannot take it anymore, fark the nite, fark the weather, fark the loser-theory. Im not a farking hunk and i cant tink straight now. I shall farking seal myself in ba, its the best option rite now. Moral of the story: Never like someone too much.

Im now looking for a boxing school to join.. i cant seem to find any around singapore..zzz... im looking for a kickboxing school or muay thai skool. Im now going tanning every week because its
so relaxing. ^_^. I need to forget someone, its takes time. She cant get over someone, i cant get over her, its so ironic yeah? anyways its 15 days b4 contract ends, i need to learn to be frends with her with no motive at all. I need to tell myself i dun like her tat much, so i shouldnt tink of her tat much. Its sort of working, although at nite, when i tink about her, it still hurts.

Time heals everything, and soon, i wont be seeing her everyday, so i guess i will slowly 4get her ba... i hope... I learnt a lesson from tis incident, tat is never sincerely love a girl, it onli begets shit. Being too good to someone is being cruel to urself. There's no need to be so good to a girl who isnt ur girlfrend yet, its just plain dumb. Girls like jerks, they dun kw how to appreciate a guy tat realli cares for them, so in the end, being a jerk rox. it fucking hell ROX.

Tomolo im working afternoon shift, so im going to wake up early to train. Im now into the next phase, its time to use my legs. Im hoping to come out with my own style... maybe i call it SOUL BOXING? lolx.. just dreaming lah.. im trying to divert my mind from tinking about her again. zzz... fuck it, i go sleep le, its starting again, im starting to be sentimental again... zzz...

Todae we spoke. Finally. But i choose to speak less to her, there's only 16 days left before the contract ends. Im finally finish the thing i wanted to do for her, it took SOOOOO long man.. hahass.. She's online now, and yet i chose not to speak to her, im starting to get used to life without her. i need to, because after the contract ends, i need to live without her in my life. Everyday i see her, everyday i get used to seeing her, hearing her and loving her. Although its
been just a short 3 mths, it made a great impact on wat i am.

I dun kw wat will happen in the future, i wanted to be her first bf, and in the end, its quite farnny how i actually ended up the last on her list of potential bfs. I dun kw wat made our relationship turn out tis way, yet i dun wanna kw exactly. I kw its something wrong with me, and i believe she also had a wrong perception of me. We just didnt have enough time to kw about each other, and her heart is locked by another guy. I dun kw who he is, and i dun wanna kw who he is, i just hope tat i dun see her with another guy the nxt time i go out with my frends. Witnessing the one u like holding hands with another person is realli wat i call suffering. I tasted it b4, and it aint a good feeling.

The end of the contract is a veri sad affair for me, and for her, i believe its the best thing tat happened to her because finally, im not there to bother her anymore. Being sincere towards someone is just dumb, and in the process, i missed out on communication. We didnt realli toked much in the end, i liked her too early and the whole thing just sort of spun out of control like a
tornado and in the end, i need to clear up the aftermath. Wat is done cannot be undone, yet time works wonders, rite now i have onli one option, to let time heal watever i have done. Up to tis moment in time, i never regretted falling in love with her, she says she's not a good person, but to me, i kw she's lying. Im leaving soon, 3 more weeks to go, as i said earlier, im leaving earlier then the others, and adeline will stay in my heart. I hope there's a continuation of our story, and may god bless tat our part 2 will be happy,and may her heart belong to me in future ba...

Numbness seems to be flooding me le. Hmph, todae is the 7th day she never spoke to me.
18 days more to go b4 contract expiry and the end of our story. I wish tat the contract would never end though, lolx, simply because of her. But we have to move on out lives, and in the end, im just a passerby in her life. lolx... i tink she likes her one of her senior ba, but i dun tink tat guy's a good guy though. Its my gut feeling although i never met tat guy. hahass :P (SOUR GRAPES)

Well well well, its seems the vicious cycle is repeating itself again, look at the entry 1 yr ago.. hmm, it seems eeriely similar... oh gosh, am i realli cursed? hahass :P
But look at it tis way ba, IF she was mine, and i pissed her off, most prob we wouldnt last a week ya? but i dun realli kw wat sorta of girlfrend she will be because i will never get her ba. :)

Sadness when driven to the end, will always result in a special sort of happiness tat u nvr find anywhere. Its the happiness tat is derived from despair and hopelessness. Its a happiness tat makes u smile at ur computer screen. Its a happiness tat makes the world seems small and non-existent. Im happy now, realli happi. I have never smiled a tear before, and the feeling is so strange, u smile at the screen, and u feel a sort of watever-u-do-is-not-enough feeling.

She's online now, and lets put it tat we didnt speak to each other ba. I dun kw wat to do, except to ignore the world. Let the world excommunicate me ba, im so happi anyways. Nothing else matters, as long as i can smile with a tear....

She's angry. veri angry. Although it seems she's angry over something silly and small, but she have been ignoring me for the past 2 days. I realli feel miserable, yet i kw its not simply because of wat i said. It has been too one-sided right from the start, i got to kw yet another fault in my personality. Ironically it was told to me by someone else rather then tinking about it myself.
I guess in the end, u cant realli see wat's wrong with urself. There's y we need frends, they're there to pinpoint and tell u where u erred.

Sometimes i tink i whine too much, and didnt realli made effort to correct wat is wrong. I onli kw how to be sweet and stuffs and say honeyed words, yet all these are just superficial stuffs. As a guy, one should not whine, a guy needs to kw wat he wants, and then carry on with life with a goal in life. Yes, i do agree people need to whine sometimes, yet how many realli do something about the problem? Problems need solution, and whining is not a solution. I whine tat i dun do same shifts with her, i whine tat she dun appreciate me, i whine tat i did tis and that sweet things and yet there's no return. But did i realised tat i did all those with a motive in mind? I just want her to be mine, and tat's being selfish, realli selfish. What about her feelings? ever considered her feelings? I didnt.

Although i still dun kw the real reason why she's so angry, maybe its realli because of the small thing tat i said earlier. But tis incident exposed another critical error in me which i have to change. Im just not prepared yet. I still have 1 mth to prepare myself, not to try to make her mine, (im just not ready for her now) but to change myself for the better.

And my mind and soul just received a new experience 2 days ago. When u tried to apologise to
someone infront of the lift infront of so many people, she simply told u 'i just cant be bothered'
and walked away ignoring u. Tat feeling carries an indescribable grieve and guilt. I did something tat is past redemption and apology. U just wanna die on the spot, and my heart just bled, it realli bled. Till now, it continues to bleed from the wound.
And on the way home, she toked to sebastian thruout the journey on the bus, she continued to ignore me and i was just behind her, she kws im looking at her, yet she continues to ignore me.
I realli dun kw wat i did so seriously wrong, I realli feel miserable and guilty. The feeling is worse
when tat person is someone u like. Its tat kind of u-wanna-cry-yet-u-cant-cry feeling. Do u understand?

.HURT.

.PAIN.

.DECEIT.

.DEAD.

I realli dun kw where to start. There are some things that i should not be saying, but im realli trying veri hard to seal it in. Im verbal by nature, and now im starting to keep things to myself.
The reason is veri simple, im simply hooked. In life, there's nothing more important to me then relationships, be it family or love or frends, i look upon these as the fundamentals of my life.
Being emotional is not a mistake, its not a weakness, im not going to change tat fact. I always brain-fuck myself, i totally agree with that. Everyone have something that keeps them going, and for me its love.

I can do endless things with love, yet things always seems to go the wrong way sometimes. I can continue to bluff myself, yet i kw wat is going on. Im confident, but tat seems a tad too over sometimes, sometimes changes are not realli for the better, its just the perspective tat u view someone. I cannot pin-point wat i feel and write it here, because im supposed to learn to keep things to myself. Someone once said i have a weak personality, is that true? I kw july i will be starting school le, i onli have 1 mth left till then, people tell me i have plenty of girls in SIM waiting for me, but do these people kw tat its realli hard to find someone tat realli suits u? Im beginning to understand a phrase 'the one u love the most will never love u the most' . Things dun seem tat bad, but i always believe in my instincts and feelings.

All along i always thought sincerity can go a long way, but its realli not true de, around me people have been telling me tat being sincere is nice, in the end, those people tat get good girls are people tat aint sincere at all. Im brain-fucking myself as i have said b4, but im realli tired, the whole week i've been working the morning shift. I've not been sleeping well because im waiting for someone to tok with online, yet im starting to feel tat im disturbing her.

Being sweet doesnt mean u're a nice guy and ppl have to accept u. Most prob she accepts wat u do for her because she just cant be bothered to tell u to screw-off. Im not supposed to want any returns when im being nice, because im supposed to be sincere, yet on the other hand, wat happens when tat special someone dun realli reprocicate? Yes, the 'thks' was there, wat else do
i expect right? I realli dun kw, but i realised tat in the end, im still the low confident guy tat i was in the past.

Y cant god be fair to me? Im just a whiner in the end, whining at the heavens and god for not being fair to me. Yes, i seem veri dramatic and have alot of patterns, yet who kws the solitude in me? The void in my soul? Noone, absolutely noone, not even my bestest buddy. I used to have people i can tok to over the phone. But they have alreadi left me long ago. Even my bestest buddy doenst seem so good anymore, we have grown up, and our tinkings differ. Im making people around me sick and tired of my whining, i tried to shut up, but they realised im diffrent and asked me wat happened... Is this realli wat i am? someone that whines and pisses people off? I tink I know there's someone, a someone tat wishes tat im doing all these for her, yet i realli onli have 'her' in my heart rite now. Im keeping quiet on the full details.

I realised tat she have suddenly became hot property, because she 'upgraded' herself, yet does she kw, tat i have liked her from the start? when she's just her? Just the basic her? I kw other guys are actually saying she's sweet-looking, but have they ever used their heart to view her as her? Im afraid, realli afraid, afraid tat i cannot stop the inevitable. I kw her heart have someone else from the past, yet im realli trying veri hard to feel tat position. I can feel it, yet i dun kw wat that someone did to her tat made her wat she is todae. The lock is starting to open abit i kw, yet i still need more time to open the lock, and yet time, ironically, is wat im lacking now.

Im still doing my 'project' right now, i guess i the end i wont give it to her as a reminder of our sweet start.
Im going to give it to her as a parting gift . . . a reminder of me, the guy that sincerely loved her.

Jason---> tinking too much.

Tanning, that's wat im going to do tomolo. hahass.. tml wake up then wash up abit, then head down to jurong east go tan. muahaha, hopefully i dun become a lobster ba. lolx :P
todae was supposed to go singing with the 'world cup' team de, but they last min backed out.
sebas say till got dragon got tiger, in the end still cancel lor, he's damn dumb. hahass..

Well well well, i've been training this few weeks, and i can see marked improvement in my speed and strenght. My fists are always burning after training, and that's good, means i realli did put in some effort. alritey, and now i realli have to praise myself for persevering for more then 1 mth, cause tis is the first time i didnt break off the determination to train. ^_^. Normally im damn lazy de, but now im damn religious in terms of training, simply because of someone. hahass :P

Im happy now, happy in a mature sort of way. The happiness is taken with a pinch of salt, because happiness might turn into tragedy. I realli cant read wat is going on now, im just going along with the flow. CHILL. . . Tis few days i've been getting quite close to llyod, hahass, he's one great guy, got looks although abit short, yet still among the better looking ones. Llyod isnt realli tat short, not like someone i kw :P, SHORT FARK. muahaha! (but im a FAT FARK...)
but the thing is, fat can train to lose weight, but short can NEVER grow tall. *EVIL GRIN*

Times have changed and i just realised my taste has changed too. hahass. I just realised wat a great change i had in terms of taste and likings. ^_^ . Wat changes i wont say, but still, i realli did changed, its the damn first time i realli did soemthing for someone i like, rather then tok tok and more tok. IM THE MAN. 0.0
I also realised tat some ppl might look good, but they are just fark-up ppl after all. There's tis girl in my office, a frend of mine was interested in her, but she instantly condemned him with no valid reasons. i mean, wtf? u look good then can condemn ppl? she dun even speak with him lor, i initially tot she was a kind and friendly person, but after the event with my frend, she totally turned me off. zzz she tinks she's some sort of pretty gal tat guys will die over her, yet she's too dumb to realise tat she totally failed personality-wise. DUMB GAL. She can NEVER hold a candle to 'her'. 'She's' the best! hee hee... :P

I will never ever cut my hair at a malay barber ever again...
kaoz, nin a ma, tat stewpid malay guy cut my hair till i look like a dog...
c buay sianz, now need to wait for the stupid hair to grow long then can cut again, i realli look like a dog now lor. Anyway hair aside, its been some time since i blogged. The reason being tat im doing somethings nowadays, something tat i have nvr done b4. EVER.

life's fine and dandy these days, i have came to accept that im going to leave earlier then the other guys and gals in starhub. Reason being tat im going to SIM and skool starts on the first week of july. I realli hope i will study well because i didnt realli put in effort in my studies all these 23 yrs. My hope now is to get the top student in SIM and hopefully get a good job after graduation. The fees are not cheap in SIM and i kw it, because i personally handed the 5.4k for 1 semester over at the payment counter. -.-"

Im not going to tok much about my love life nowadays, simply because i've learnt to be low profile. Love is not something to advertise to ppl, not to show how romantic or noble u are. Love is about 2 person. That's it, just 2 person and noone else. In the past im naive and childish, i tot telling ppl about wat i did for her and wat i went thru for her will show how noble and devoted i am. That was so dumb, i finally understand y im single for 23 yrs. Everyday im learning something new now. There's someone who can realli educate me, because she kws so much tat i dun. i realli enjoy toking to her, simply because she showed me a part of me tat was lost during sec school.

Life is like a fleeting image, every second tat we go thru, we can never get that second back again. But the thing about time is this, it will always remain inprinted in us for yrs to come.
There's alot time can do, or should i say there's nothing time cant do.
I can conclude that in the end, the true god is Time or Chronos as the greek call it.
Nothing can escape the grasp of time. Absolutely nothing.

Mission 1: Cut hair (My hair SUCK)
Mission 2: Increase Training Toughness (When the going gets tough, the tough gets going...)
Mission 3: Hit my target of 8 punches per second (Fight like the wind baby...)
Mission 4: CLASSIFIED (TOP SECRET)

okie, so tat's for todae. all these 4 missions will commence with effect tomolo. Dun bother asking me bout mission 4, its classified. period.

The reason im blogging now is because my stewpid sister is hogging the toilet. she takes AGES to bath lor. zzzz, anyways, ytd i went MOS, and guess who i saw there? weichee... lolx... i didnt realli dress up ytd, cause i went there straight from work, and i was actually hoping tat u-kw-who would take the mrt home cause i could have some time to tok to her, and well well well, fate played me out and her dad came to fetch her... wtf? hahass, anyways im getting used to tis sort of thing, cause like i said, i woke up. I like her still, yet im not obsessed with her, i may speak about her and tink about her, yet i dun breathe her. get the idea dude?

MOS was boring, realli boring for me at least, cause well, my mind wasnt realli concentrating on having fun, hahass, im tinking bout some veri veri serious stuffs, something tat i shouldnt be tinking about.. zzz.. Its a sin, a realli big sin. Im not going to illustrate on tat thought, because its too immoral. :P... The gals at MOS are the typical prototype, so its realli boring, all wear little clothes, then dance and try to act hot, but im like --> DUH, u're not even close to u-know-who lor... Then there's tis auntie who is serene's frend, and she's like 40 plus and PURSOSELY go shake butt infront of vincent.. LOLX... we were on the dance floor and vincent was like utterly turned off. HAHAHAHASSSS its so farking funny tinking bout it.. DAMN ITS FUNNY.. LOLX
then on the cab on the way home, vincent was recounting to me how disgusted he was.. lolx..
but i was also quite dumb lah, we were dancing and i unknowingly backed up towards the a 'waterfall' decoration, hence i was drenched.. = ="" knn ah wei and vincent was laughing their heads off lor, EVIL* frends...

MOS was realli a place full of veri different ppl, i saw a singh with a turban, a uncle dancing ago-go with trance music, a girl who is cup A-minus and wears tube which she keep pulling it up, a few she-males, a few aunties shaking fats, a group of underage guys trying to act cool ( totally lose to me, cause i was like slacking on the chair and am DAMN COOL :P) and a few dumb farks
tat totally didnt kw wat they were doing.. hahass.. its fun when u're ppl watching and tinking how good u-know-who is compared to those girls there. Looks wise she might not win hands down, but to me, she's perfect. hahass :p

fark man, i need to bath. i tink i go bath ba. farked up, im going to kill my sis! BRB

梦非梦，实非实，

红尘一撇，辨真实。

他非他，我非我，

人若清醒，苍天笑。

缘非缘，份非份，

幽风落叶，伴黄昏。

蓝新翔 --- 五月 四日 零六年

Wake up. That's wat i need to do. Im always slinking into that stupid dream again. I keep daydreaming about going how far and how far when i havent even stepped out. That's so damn dumb of me. veri veri dumb. People around me are getting sick and tired of me, tat's wat i tink.
They want me to wake up, yet im like caught in a strange and recurring dream tat is so hard to wake up from. Im always like tis, i always tink too far when it comes to gals i realli like, im just a farking dreamer tat always tok too much. Right now im still stuck in this phrase and im actually not supposed to blog this shit out, yet im too pissed with myself tat i have to put tis down.

I kinda read thru my entire blog 2 days ago, and i realised i learnt alot about myself tat i have never known. 2 days ago was 2nd of may, i went back and checked out my entry on the 2nd of may last yr, and i realised i was realli so damn dumb, yet at tat moment, i didnt saw how silly it was. The only ppl tat realli understands love is blind, they dun use their eyes to judge ppl, they judge using their hearts. Im beginning to understand tat, yet i cannot fully comprehend tat fact.
Looks are realli primary in my pursuits, i tried to lie to myself tat i realli like how she is and wat she is, tat was realli so dumb. She's above average and fits my bill, hence im interested, yet she herself kws the fact tat i dun realli like who she realli is.

I've realised wat she meant by un-compatible was realli referring to my mentality and motive for wooing her. 2 of my guy frends in starhub had a conversation with me tat day, and i realised tat i tink realli differently from them. Im not a fark-and-go person, maybe im naive, maybe im childish, but i just cant do wat they want me to. Is a fark-and-go attitude realli the gist of maturity? When u go after a girl onli wanting to lay her?

The problem with me is i farking listen to too much emotional songs, i farking hell am too sentimental and i tink too much, i always imagine tis and tat, till i myself am lost in my own fantasy world. I finally saw wat fark things i have been doing, yet can i change? Is it too late?
I might seem confident, yet deep within me, im realli a veri weak person. Im proud most of the times, yet when it comes to relationships, im veri veri insecure. I say tat im tis and im tat, yet did i realli do those things? WILL i realli do those things given the situation? I always tell sebas and the others wat i WOULD do for her, but WILL i realli do those stuffs? FARK ME MAN.

Im just another farking loser on the block, and i sort of wanna change tat. My attitude is damn lousy, my determination is rubbish. Im 23yrs old, and i need to grow up, grow up fast.
My msn title is also full of shit, i ALWAYS farking hell put wat i feel on msn, its so farking obvious and it goes to show tat im a man with no depth. Happy or not, keep the shit to urself and onli let them out to maybe a few ppl, dun need to go around telling the whole farktart world who the fark u like or wat the hell u feel. Ah wei and richard were right, they were my best frends tat have been with me for like 10yrs plus and i KNOW they're right.

In the end of the whole thing, i realised tat the realli fucked up one was me all along. Its like shouting murder and im the actual murderer. Now, before i actually go and like someone, i need to do some catching up with myself. I need to catch up with the real jason, the one tat was realli infront all along, im just his shadow, always choosing to lie behind him. This all started with huimin i guess, from then on it went on the peifen and then jiayan then corinne, and now finally adeline. Im sorri, not sorri for wat i did, but sorri for wat i turned out to be. I will never regret wat i did in the past, i do not have time for regrets, my time needs to be used for catching up as i said, to catch up with the real JASON...

Jason --- 4th MAy --- 大测大吾。。。。

Its been 2 days. Silence continues. I realli cannot apprehend even after pondering for 2 days.
Dark clouds surround me. The wind chills, and despair beckons. My arrogance and confidence drained. Im like a zombie. Im happy, its only on the surface. I've learnt to keep things to myself.
Noone kws how i feel. Im lost, my soul is lost. How many more days can i survive like this?
I have to put out a brave front. i dun want her to kw. I ignore, i avoid, in the end, the throbbing pain is getting unbearable. Maybe i shouldnt have started in the first place. By decree of the heavens above, im not suppose to love? everything in life is going reverse. Im naive. Im childish. Im too emotional. Im too sincere. God made sincerity a sin for me. Sincerity is a sin. a huge huge sin.....