Self-Perceived Immortality

2011-06-30T01:41:00.002+08:00

Velvety Reminiscence

Rain. I once commented when it rains, each and every droplet seems to carry the tears of every broken heart throughout history. How many have stood beside the window over the years, overlooking the same droplets that precipitates through time? How many hearts have yearned for their supposed pair? How many souls have been frozen by this solitude, induced by their so called love?

Im feeling abit poetic suddenly, so please pardon me. Some people say, men should not be overran by emotions, i say, its selective. Im absolute when it comes to investment and monetary matters. Social decisions i cut some slack, but im a sucker when it comes to love. I hold this naive belief that i must be the best i can to my girl, because she trust me and loves me enough to stay with me through the days.

I admit, like fei zai says, im not a player. I dont like to play, what i want, is a simple and faithful relationship. People say im fantasizing too much, in the end i will be disadvantaged. Even if im being belittled or looked down upon, i still hold strong to my beliefs, the belief that i must remain true to my lady.

Thing is, i rather keep getting hurt, then risk hurting the one who realli loves me for who i am. Im not whimpy, im not soft. I simply dont believe in betraying trust. I've seen alot of so called players, who toy with people's feelings. At the end of the road, they become lonelier and more ostracized. They score a so called social victory, but back to back, they've also lost a part of themselves in the process.

I dont know why im blabbering about all these stuffs, im not trying to say im perfect or anything. I just wanna voice out some stuffs that came to my mind these days. Anyways nobody exactly reads my blog, so i guess its socially safe to pen down my innate thoughts here. heh.

Days are as usual nowadays. Day in day out doing the same slack shit. Im still looking for a job, i had enough of the frontline banking industry. I wanna do something stable, where job stability is not an issue. Im looking to go into commodity trading or corporate finance. I seriously need a change of environment. Argh.

Finances wise, its a 'hand to mouth' situation now. My liabilities take up almost half of my take home income, so its seriously abit chui now. After some planning, its all in a pristine balance for the time being. So lets all hope that there is no shock to the system, and my assets and liabilities remaining in equilibrium shall we? =)

Jasonian Quotes: A woman stays by your side because they chose to, not because they have to.

2011-06-27T02:14:00.002+08:00

Final Fuckingly~~~

Alright, im apologetic cause i've seriously neglected this space here. BUT, Im back guys and gals! hahahs!

Anyways alot of things happened while i was away for almost 6 mths. As in in my life that is.

I've played alot, and by play, i meant in the guys' way. My outlook on life, money and relationships changed alot. Call it a paradigm shift, or whatever you like, but to me, i realli did changed.

First of all, i've changed job, im now with POSB DBS, not OCBC anymore. And im not happy, seriously, im searching for a new job after like 3 mths on the job. I dun know what came over me when i accepted this rather then HSBC. Sometimes in life, you make the wrong decisions. I told myself, 'suck it up and find a new job jason.'. And that, im currently doing.

This time round, i dont realli wanna join a bank anymore. I have experienced the banks' perspective when it comes to consumer banking. Im more into Corporate finance positions now. I dun mind starting from scratch, but i wanna get into a Merger and Acquisition entity. MnA requires a variety of finance and social skills all rolled into 1. Its abit hard to explain, but in totality, MnA is very challenging and its realli my dream job. Infact, i hope to start my on Turnaround Management Firm in future if i realli go far in this career. heh.

Money. Im not trying ways and means to get additional income, and yes, i run the risk of being scammed, but what the heck, no risk no gain. Business wise im still looking for people to start one of my concepts. Its soooooo hard finding a capable IT person to do the website for me. Seriously its wtf. =.=

Relationships wise, i can only say i tried loving someone without prejudice. But it seems that person isnt realli worth it after all. I seriously dun mind alot of things, but the final point it seems, is that she doesnt realli feel for me in that sense. And so, moving on im again finding someone worthy. I hope the next girl in my life is somebody that's good enough, i dun need a perfect lady, i just need somebody by my side and i fucking promise to take care of her through life's ups and downs. Money i dun have alot, but i will give the best that i can give to her. So please the-fellow-in-the-skies, send me somebody that appreciates me and dont take me for granted. Please asshole, i dont want another bitch in my life. =(

Ah well, been so long since i've blogged man, it feels uber great to release the vent up emotions in electronic literature. Woohoo, feeling much better. And i shall start the quotes yet again, but this time of my own conceptions. heh~!

Jasonian Quotes: Im not a perfect man, that's why im looking for a imperfect lady to make me whole again.

2010-12-08T16:38:00.003+08:00

I know i have not been blogging for ages. This few mths i kinda spunned out of control. Allow me to say i have learnt alot this few mths from september. Lets just put it im becoming a ASEAN diplomat soon. Hahasss.

Been drinking almost every single night, im now a night person alreadi. And thanks to some divine intervention, i suddenly felt like reverting back to my normal self. Im kinda stuck with a fair thai lady currently, she kinda made me lost track of myself. Or rather, i myself was too engrossed i guess. She's a realli nice girl, but ladies of the night always have secrets here and there. I was not veri used to all this shit initially, but now my mentality shifted. Its all a game, and its how you play your cards.

Amidst all these lies, there are indeed a few truths. Honesty infact is a quality i value more then anything. Im attracted to honesty more then anything. A month back, i used to have a set of rules laid out to protect myself from the shroud of the night. The legends are true, the night have a aura that corrupts and changes people. Sad to say, i have flouted every single one of the rules when it comes to this thai lady.

Her name is Kwang. I realli fell for her. Hahahah.

Initially when i went to the pub with my frends, i didnt realli wanna tok to her. I know deep inside if i went after this girl, i will realli fall for her and this will completely screw up my life. I tried ignoring her for 5 times, in the end, under my fren's encouragement, i went for it. And then the downward spiral starts....

I wouldnt say my life is totally screwed up currently, but its not looking veri bright now. I woke up in time to assess my current situation, then i realised its not realli worth it for a single person.

My future is bright beyond belief, i lost myself in this 3 mths. Im supposed to be putting my monies and talent to greater use, to build an empire of dreams, not investing in somebody that i have never even saw the colour of her underwear before. To put it crudely, its dumb lor.

If she likes me, will auto come to me, no point making somebody the centre of my entire life. My entire life should be revolving around me, myself and i. Not somebody that i dun realli know well. Hurhur. Thankfully, i've seen thru all these, and im not too hard on myself, simply because i count all these as life experiences. You dun learn all these shit in school, you onli learn it in society, and i guess paying for education is prim and proper. Hahaha

Anyways i've applied for a number of offshore positions, hopefully i get short-listed and called up for interviews. Im dying to take up a regional role where i get to fly around on business trips. I have some financial shits to clear at the moment, and once i cleared them, most prob will start building my war chest again. hiak Hiak. =)

I trying to ask for 3.5k basic, i seriously hope i get it. lolx.

2010-09-03T00:29:00.002+08:00

These few days is fucking hot. Nb fuck the cb weather. Pui.

Ok, enough of whining. Was facebooking and then at a small corner, suddenly saw a familiar face.

Clicked through, and realized its adeline. Its been sometime since i've seen the starhub people, the last time we had dinner was 3 or 4 years back, everybody have been doing their own things and i guess we didnt have time to gather to catch up.

I went to take a look at haojun, edward, kenneth etcs profiles to find out how they are getting on in life, and its quite amazing just a few years back, we all started equal, and yet now, some are further in life then the others. Wow.

In retrospec, i also have came far from where i was initially. Its kinda interesting when you mentally revisit the emotions and feelings during that exact point in time, and look at it with the current maturity perspective. The dumb things you do, was not that dumb that time, yet now, its totally and completely dumb. Then again, you do the dumb things you do that time because you still have the innocence and naivety that signifies purity of soul, and now, the soul is tainted through the years and you tell yourself you will never do dumb stuffs again. At least of the naive nature. Geezzz.

Its a lil complex, but whoever said mental complexities are not as the word suggest? heh.

Well, i have decided. And so it shall stay that way. There is somebody now, yet im not realli interested. No point getting attached, at least not till i have a passive income of $1000 per mth.

Affairs of the heart, there is realli no rush. The most i stay single all my life, what matters in life is not to find somebody to settle down, its money. Money money money, its all that matters now, so my short term goal is laid out infront of me, 1k in passive income every month. =)

Um, its getting abit gibberish now, my brain is shutting down cause im so damn tired. Fuck, shall go sleep. Ciaoz~!

2010-08-25T12:20:00.002+08:00

This blog abit old liao, i tink maybe its time to convert it to a investment blog, rather then some silly affairs-o-the-heart blog. As we age, we tend to change priorities, and that is exactly what happened to me. I have sort of erased most of the emotions within me with regards to her, so i guess we're on the road again man. =)

Okies, first of all, my current portfolio:

1) Noble Group

2) Banjoo

3) PT Berlian Laju

4) Saizen REIT

And so the reasons for incorporating them into my portfolio is as follows:

1) I personally like Noble's business and being in the commodity business means u you perpetual prospects, commodities is something that is always needed in whichever phrase of the economy. Therefore i feel its quite rock-solid when industry demand is concerned.

Currently Noble is still bearish, but nonetheless this counter is my fundamental pick, so i cant realli be bothered with the charting of this counter. =)

2) Banjoo, the well known kukujiao counter. I'm vested in Banjoo due to their recent change in owner and industry. They are now venturing into the indonesian telecoms industry, where they have secured a governmental contract for construction and maintenance of various sub-stations to extent mobile coverage to the rural areas of indonesia. Indonesia itself, boosts inpressive growth and its economy is mostly inert to the global economy. The recession merely grazed indonesia because although indonesia is a 3rd world country, this fact actually saved them. Indonesia's demands is self-supplied, so they dun realli import or export much products for domestic consumption. Anyways, long story cut short, Banjoo is a medium-term tikum counter which have potential to be a multi-bagger. In which case if it does not do well, i also lose not much. hahaha

3) PT Berlian Laju, this one is pure tikum, with some research done on its financials and backgroud. The fair valuation of this counter is SGD0.15, yet its now lying at SGD0.035, simply because they turbo issues rights to garner cash for insane expansion. Currently they are the 3rd largest chemical freighters in the world, and i believe they will soon be number 1 if they managed to pull off this insane expansion plan. Oh, need i mentioned they are also highly leveraged? Haha, but tikum this one also no hard, lose also not much. Hiak hiak

4) Saizen REIT, this deadly counter is my first purchase to build up the fixed income portion of my portfolio. I shall elaborate more on the Jasonian Portfolio Theory later. Saizen deals in Japanese properties, and as the general rules go, Japanese real estate is super expensive. Anyways japanese properties have immerse potential, and as XH puts it, they need 2 generations to completely purchase a property. That is how expensive jap properties is. Anyways im just vested this morning, awaiting their financial announcement tomorrow morning before market opens. I have a certain feel good factor about this counter, simply because i did ALOT of research before committing in this counter. =)

Alrite, everybody needs to have dreams yeah? There is a few counters i would LOVE to hold if i have the monies, which at this point, im still damn poor lah. Cb. But no harm listing it out lah, at least i feel better that way. hahaha

To buy:

1) FSL Trust: This one die die must buy at the current price, the dividend yield is 12.88% per annum. The current price of SGD0.4 makes it a super cheap counter with respect to its NAV and div yield. They got into some shit hence the price like super low now. Nonetheless, they did announce they may be making some adjustments to future dividends. But still, this counter returns is good, simply because ship leasing is picking up as the economy is SLOWLY coming back again despite so many cock and bulls stories about double dip. Remember, the ball called earth is now undergoing a historical first; a asynchronous recovery. Asian countries are leading the recovery, with China in the forefront, we are currently the ones saving the western overspending asses with our incredibly godlike savings.

2) AIMS REIT: This one the yield is good, and its one of the 3 REITs im considering adding to my fixed income portfolio. Reasons for this choice is simple. I like it. =)

3) Cambridge REIT: This is the 3rd REIT i would like in my portfolio. Shall not say much, if you guys wan info why i like this so much, go google, tons of answers in there. hahaha (Lazy to type lah)

4) OCBC Bank: My veri own dear employer. Its a steal once it goes to 8.5 and under. OC will definitely hit $10 in the next 10 years, simply because as an employee in the bank, i believe in my own bank. hiak hiak hiak

5) Starhub: A Telecoms counter to diversify away from the other counters in my portfolio, because Starhub pays constant and good dividends for its price and stability. And might i add, im abit biased, cause i am a Starhub user. =p

6) Ezra: A Oil related counter that could ride on oil prices, which is guaranteed to go up rather then down in future. I also like the fact that i always see Ezra employees at my branch area. All look decent and dont seem too shady. Hurhur.

7) Tiger Air: Contrary to popular believe, i was onli recently interested in this counter when XH told my about it. In the past, the IPO price of SGD1.5 kinda freaked me out, but right now its valuation is slowly catching up with its IPO price. For medium term prospects, this counter fits nicely into my portfolio, because i need a air carrier to tap on the asian tourism boom.

8) Transpac: This one is a semi tikum and fundamental stock. To me, its like a pandoras box. you look at the financials and u go boomz, and the next thing u know, they give out 40 cents dividend. Last dec, i was a fortunate beneficiary of the 40 cents thingy. haha. Anyways transpac is a investment holdings company, which is vaguely similar to what ang mohs called a venture capital company. They buy and sell shares and companies, kinda like a equity fund without the so called mandate. There is no predetermined fund manager, which means there is no management costs like unit trusts. Up till now, transpac is performing veri nicely, and the dividends they give out machiam tio bonus like tat, wudi one! hahaha!

There, finally finished typing, there is lots more to tok about, but lets just stop here for the time being. Remember, try not to be a chartist, and if you realli wanna be one, make sure you have the ability or leverage to play, dun end up a victim of Mr Market! ^_^

2010-05-10T00:29:00.002+08:00

Missing Me Missing You

Peeps, been sometime since i blogged. Anyways i've been extremely busy these days, as usual with my work and stuffs. Something went wrong in April, and i was bottom of the charts. I guess its what they call the burn out effect. I was too tired to realli run for sales, so in the end i sunk.

But this month, i must run, i dun fucking care. My boss gave me a HUGE deal and hence i am now at the top of the top together with my other 2 colleagues, but still, its not my own effort and im not particularly proud of it. I must close more deals on my own accord before i can realli appease myself.

Okays, yesterday was damn shoik, went to chill out with the guys and jade at Wala Wala. Someone spoke about something and i kinda stoned. I knew, but still its kinda hard to swallow. Well anyways its good, because i can start to look for my own happiness. Its dumb i know, and as usual, those that understands, understands; those that dun understand, never will. =)

Alrites, back to topic, i blogged todae at this hour, because i came across a few articles and forum posts on this girl that committed suicide at AMK a few days back because of a failed relationship.

I aint gonna advertise what happened etc, the main point here is the slice of the pie i took away from this information.

Life is short, everyone knows that, but yet for somebody to even consider shortening it further, things must realli be veri veri adverse. So the question is, have you ever had suicidal thoughts some point in your life?

For me, thankfully the answer is no. I wouldnt fucking kill myself even if i lost my dick or i became a absolute bankrupt or for all that matter, my future wife cuckooed me etc. I am a firm believer of living to fight another day.

People says god gave you life. For me, its my parents that gave me life. And therefore, no point throwing away the best gift your parents ever gave you because of some silly little problems that will DEFINITELY become insignificant over the course of your life. The only way to remedy problems is to live on and work out a solution, not to go airborne without parachute and hope that the problem dies with you.

Problems never die, they can only be solved. Although i've not been through ALOT, i wasnt realli born with a silver spoon as well. Im not going to whine and spout what shit and blah blah i have gone through so people can sympathize with me. Im a man and so i shall suck it up and live it on. =)

So looking back, im single all my life, maybe that is a blessing in disguise. Cause though somedays the loneliness catches up with you, most days you are just glad nobody ever hurt you the way you dun wan to. To me, emotional torture is worse then physical torture. So yeah, maybe things are the way they are because the fellow-above-the-clouds is trying to prevent people from hurting me. Heh.

Okies, jokes aside, the world is fucking coming to an end. Nbcb the fucking weather hot until mother cry lah. I bathe alreadi go downstairs buy food only, come back sweat like dog. Initially i suspected its my fats that's screwing me in, then i saw a few thin fellows also sweating like dogs beside me. The fucking weather is frying every mother's son in this lil country. Wootz!

Oh yeah, one thing though, am i realli dote-able? It seems womenfolk like to dote on me. Not say i bhb, but seriously, there are a few realli nice ladies that seems to dote on me alot, and that excludes my mum, who obviously is a god-send lady to specially dote on me. Anyways i wont say who are they, later they see this then dun dote on me anymore i die sia. lolx.

Okays, reading back the entries, i've realised a fact of life. Some people are meant to stay in your life, some are simply passerbys. We can be the bestest of the bestest frends, but the definition of bestest onli applies to a specified time frame in life. Example = I have a bestest frend called Jonathan Chan in Primary School. After PSLE, i dun even know anything about him anymore, till now i still dun kw where he works and how is he getting on in life. lol.

Another interesting person is my frends in polytechnic. We kinda stuck togetherly for like 3 yrs, and now we hardly even contact, except for meet ups and stuffs. Therefore, all this makes me treasure my Uni frends more then ever, simply because even after graduation, we're still close and especially the guys, we almost meet every weekend to play mahjong. And among them all, im closest to Nicalashi. This fellow is my colleague in OCBC and therefore we always contact on and off. Lolx.

Okays, im sweating just typing this shit here, fucking cb weather fucked up one. Why cant it be raining for the whole day man. Oh, that brings me to the final topic, I've changed over the years, but some habits are die hard. An example is my love for rainy days and cold nights, its damn romantic. And another habit is the mental allocation of songs for people that matter to me. There is always a song that reminds me of somebody in my life.

For that, her official soundtrack is Lee Hom's Xin Tiao. Nothing much, not trying to prove anything, just wanna type it here for the record, in case i go mad and forget stuffs. Talking about record, im gonna do something for the record, so that i can remember every single thing that happened. Yeap~~~

Okays, enough of irrelevant and random rantings. I know most of this entry doesnt even link together logically, but what the heck, its my blog, i type what i wan, when i wan. =)

Jason: Tonight is just one night, where things aren't that adverse yet.

2010-05-02T00:37:00.003+08:00

如果天有情

作詞：李安修　作曲：許建強　編曲：杜自持

總要為愛傷透了心

才知真情多麼難尋

有誰願意如此　認識愛情

總要流下多少淚滴

才能看清楚自己

一顆癡心　一段赤情

說得容易　怎奈人間際遇

就讓我和你　沈睡在夢裡

可知我的心　不願意醒

相偎又相依　黑夜到天明

緣份不能分　命運不能離

如果天有情　如果夢會靈

就讓我的心　愛到徹底

我對你的愛　已無法說明

就像風吹不息　雨打不停

此情不渝

生日快乐.

2010-03-24T23:32:00.002+08:00

Currently at number 4. After reporting tomorrow, will be number 3. Fuck. im missing the number 1 spot by 2604 points, i cannot let that happen, i say i will be number 1, means i will be number 1.

I will. I must. I shall become!

2010-03-22T23:23:00.002+08:00

Been sometime since i updated peeps. Sorri bout that, was extremely busy with my job. For those that doesnt know, im now a banker. Kinda easy to say, yet its a hard job, a realli realli tough job. Those that can survive, survive, those that cant, too bad. Im hoping im a survival though. haha.

Anyways initially i fucking hate the long hours and the calling sessions, its like totally fucking cb de tiring and a torture because i start work from 0830hrs to 2100hrs. Yes u heard rite, i fucking work 12.5 hrs almost every fuck day. And if i dun hit target, i work on sundays. Saturday is a working day for your info. So you see, i became lifeless and drained.

That was initially, but now im a changed man. To my astonishment and dun know since when, i fell in love with this job and the long hours. I now officially revel in the long working hrs and tons of calls i have to make to customers. Im happy going home late and reaching home at 10pm, with just 2 hrs to destress and relax before going to sleep and waking up at 7am in the morning to take part in the 'morning rush'.

Why the paradigm shift? Simply because i feel that this is my calling. Although my performance isnt a 1 month wonder, im slowly catching up with the revenue points. First month was 2k, then 4k, 5k, 6k, 8k and now im at 12k. Slowly as i get the hang of it, im closing more deals and having more clients. And now i do ask myself this: What drives me?

Firstly its the clients. Im quite lucky to have met some customers that are realli nice and these are the clients i have decided to keep under my wings. As i service them more, i get more and more professional in the way i speak to them.

When i first started out, i sounded exactly like your typical salesman selling products in the streets. I didnt realli bothered with realli understanding clients for who they are. But now im different. The difference between a banker and a insurance agent is quite prominent. Bankers plan the all around finances of their clients which includes various products outside the scope of insurance. Insurance agents on the contrary, onli sell insurance and nothing else. I dun have a grudge against insurance agents by the way, im just saying. =)

So as i said, i became somebody that talks about the economy and market in depth with clients. I analyse their needs and how to best sector and divest their finances over various products. The best part is, i have managed to remain quite neutral towards customers. I dun have exact preference over those rich people. The onli bias i have is towards own portfolio of customers, I will always serve them first, the rest can press Q number until the birds come home. To me, its simple. Customers that trust in me deserves the best, it realli takes alot for somebody to put down large sums of money with you.

Ok, i know its getting quite boring. Lets talk about some gossips shall we? I finally knew the person i said looked like another person. Not realli as interesting as i thought, oh well, maybe im just too attuned to the other. Nonetheless, im glad im single, because with working hours like mine, i might as well remain single then go waste a gal's time right? I dun have the time to spend the so called 'quality time' and so a relationship will still end up in tatters anyways.

I have officially reached sumo weight class, so i seriously think i should lose weight for my health's sake. A fat fuck does not fit well into society i tink. hahaha.

Well, 12am, bedtime. Ciaoz!

2010-01-19T23:32:00.002+08:00

Anecdotile Reverence

Im kinda dizzy now after drinking at the sales update meeting at butter factory. Sometimes i do wonder why the hell i drink whichever corner i go to in the meeting. For some background info, a sales update meeting is a huge gathering of all the sales staff of the bank and where there is announcement of the top branches and staffs for the year ending. Yup, im not in the list since im so green.

Anyways sales is starting to pick up abit, and i guess i have to put in more effort to realli sow my seeds. Customers are like children, u needa pamper them and show them care and concern before they actually trust you and do business with you. The main reason why i chose this job is because i can meet alot of customers, who relates more or less their life story to you, where u slowly learn about the various aspects and perspectives of life thru other people's eyes.

Anyways i have a notorious new big boss who is renowned for being a basket and totally fucked up fellow. But i do understand all his hard lined tactics is simply part and parcel of his job. He is paid to make us slog for results, and accordingly we take a basic salary from the bank for a reason. Hence although i kinda kpkb, i still find a place for him in my heart, simply because i know each and every paid individual have a job to do. It just so happens that he is in the bad ass position. Ah well.

My results are coming SLOWLY, and i do hope i can rise up to the challenge of this new big boss. Rather then complaining that i have to work like a dog, i kinda told myself that all this is infact for my own good. To go far in a sales career, you have to SLOG like a dog. The onli solution is hardwork and more hardwork. There isnt such a thing as working smart like in Uni, its fundamentally a numbers game. The more customer you come in contact with, the higher the sales rate. So yes, i do understand the hard reality and i hereby pledge to do my best to become the best in the industry.

Gals wise, everyday i come in contact with numerous babes. Be it customers or colleagues. Some of them are indeed veri physically attractive, but to me, its all naught. The special one i look for has to have it 'inside' and 'outside'. I know i dun have the qualities to ask for such a perfect person, but the gauge of who is 'the one' is entirely mine. A pretty face is onli mainly for lust purposes and i am grown up enough to understand that. Therefore i am still stationary waiting for somebody to wow me enough for me to take action. The burden i recently laid down still has its toll on me somehow, albeit not being so heavy anymore.

Since im not exactly conscious, let me have to liberty of spouting some thoughts here. Those gossip mongers who likes juicy news, you're in luck tonight. =)

Question: Do i still?

Well the answer is not so much as per in the past. Slowly im compelling myself to rid the feeling off. I have to, if not how the hell am i going to concentrate on my job and climb the career ladder when the onli shit thing i think about is O. I told myself, " grow up asshole, O hates you, so just fuck it and concentrate on excelling in your current job with the fucked up big boss.". I am now taking my own precious advice and slowly tearing myself away from the emotional strings. Contradictorily, deep inside there is still this dumb ass fellow that hopes a miracle might happen and you know, things get rosy. But a good 90% of my sane consciousness tells me its actually 90% impossible for that scenario to happen, unless the world ends and we are the onli tartlets left in the world. So yeah, fuck me. =)

Therefore, moving forward, i will try to open a little slot for people to try to fit themselves in, and with luck, maybe somebody might be actually wow me enough. And for those that are wondering, yes, i do have candidates available, and no, im not slimmer but im fatter. Hurhur.

Aites, i am now effectively shifting into lala-land mode and i can feel the alcohol starting to kick in. Those tat sees this entry is quite blessed, cause after i start working, i rarely divulge what i feel. Politics and other stressful factors changed me slowly, and the onli saving grace is my ability to TRY and ignore them all and lead a carefree life with a singular motive in life: Achieving the target set by my supposing-ly fucked up big boss.

With Love~~~ Jasonio Valentinovich Lamisitocra. ( New year, New name. Yeah, fuck me. )

2010-01-03T21:25:00.001+08:00

Letting Go

2009-11-30T00:52:00.003+08:00

always be my baby

Tired, but long time nvr update, so update here abit.

stress, fat, poor. me.

sad. but. true.

anyways im happy, for now.

the. end.

2009-09-25T00:18:00.002+08:00

the one about the satisfying first job!

Hey peeps, was too busy to update these days. hahah. Started work in OCBC, was veri happy with the job and i learnt tons of things this 3 weeks. All aspects of life is good, although its abit tiring. Nxt wed getting my veri first pay, and i have alreadi planned how to spend it. lolx.

After going thru intensive courses on structured deposits, unit trusts and other investment and banking facilities, i realli have a concrete interests in banking. I tink i learnt more this 3 weeks, then what i learnt in my uni education, pertaining to banking that is. Went thru some induction sessions last week, and i guess they do paint a realli nice picture. Lets just hope the actual stuffs is realli as they painted it ba. =)

Xh and weihao they all came over to play mahjong with me last saturday, and surprisingly i won. Maybe its the happiness exuding from me cause i passed my M9 on friday evening. Wahahaha! I was genuinely happy to have finally found a good job, have good training colleagues and a strong passion for the career infront of me.

I do hope i can adhere and learn all the regulations and compliances required for sale of products and earn some dough. My career path is to hold down my position for 2 yrs, after which i shall get my MBA, and then apply for mgmt associate position and finally get into senior mgmt. Sounds far fetched i kw, cause i might jump banks for all i kw, hell i might not even survive 3 mths before getting fired. lolx

So now life is kind to me, and i did meet someone interesting enough to stir me up abit. But lets see how things go, deep inside, im still ...... you kw? yeah.

And so its 1230am now, 30 mins pass my bedtime. Sigh, off to sleep and thank the heavens tml is FRIDAY! WEEE! After work tml maybe go timbre or balaclava to chill, but secretly, i just wan to go home and rest. =.=" Ah well, colleagues jio, must give face rite? Right. =)

Jason's : I am trying to formula a chain lending and hedging system that allows a individual to generate huge amounts of returns the legal way using the theory of covered leverage. =)

2009-09-07T00:41:00.002+08:00

the one about the failure in life

Okay, i failed the m9 again. Though i would love to put all the blame on the test being rigged etc, ultimately the fact is smacking me in the face: its my fault. I admit i didnt realli study for it, so i guess its orbi for me. Big waste of money for no obvious reasons at all, except my own laziness, so fuck me.

Anyways laziness has always been a deadly sin that is stopping me from becoming the man that i am supposed to be. Im so fucking lazy that its appalling i managed to drag my sorry ass till this stage in life. Ah well, though they say habits are die hard, this slacking streak must come to an end. Must end.

I have lots of update this entry, so bear with me eh? After bitching bout how lazy i am and how fucked up i feel failing the m9 again, i shall enlighten people on what i have been doing this few final weeks of freedom before i start work.

Muay thai was fun and i've went to the muay thai/ judo camp and knew lots of new ppl. I wasnt a veri effective OGL, cause maybe being the oldest there makes me feel kinda awkward, but surprisingly my whole group joined muay thai rather then judo, maybe i have some kind of hidden influence after all eh? hahaha =p

But seriously, im beginning to appreciate muay thai and the people there. All of them are realli nice ppl and the coaches are all realli nice ppl as well. Training is tough, but i find myself improving, my technique and overall strenght on a ascending climb. I might not be the best fighter out there, but at least i train slowly at my own pace and in the long run, this investment will pay off. I think. hahaha

I will be starting work nxt tuesday, so im kinda vexed and excited. Vexed because i have yet to pass my m9 and if i dun pass it, i might be jobless. Excited because of the new ppl and enviroment i will be in. Sincerely i simply hope i will do well in the job and earn some cash to buy and do stuffs that i want. Revamp room, get my license etc... And finally get a car.

Getting a car isnt as simple as ABC though, i need to carefully plan out the finances required to support 1. Either i will save up and full cash a jap car, or save up 100k to down for a BMW Z4. The second option is abit far fetched lah, cause 100k is no small amount. Infact giving it more thought, do i realli need a car? i mean the various upkeep costs are all immerse liabilities. Ah well, shall plan when i have the money, right now, maybe dun tink so much first ba, i need to survive the first 6 mths on the job first.

Relationship wise, i have to be veri honest here. I have not met somebody that strikes up an interest even though i've met a lot of ppl this few mths. And i doubt i will meet anybody special at work too, because the fact is im still veri much tied up. I have given up trying to do something about the knot, because everytime i try, it gets tighter. And its for the best also, focus on career and be a single rich man, then be tied down and be a troubled attached man. hahah

Whatever it is, i nvr hated her and will never ever hate her. Pissed yes, but never hatred. Never ever.

Aites, moving on, in the past i used to think about converting my blog to some financial blog or some other sort of non-romantic blog. But i tink fuck it ba, i am a somebody that is romantic and emotional, and moreover this is my blog, i write whatever i wan as long as im not inciting some racial wars or watever. So yes, i shall write about how i feel about the world in general and guy gal relationships and psychology.

Toking bout psychology, i was at a RT training last weekend, when i overheard 3 guys chatting. They were saying which faculty gals are prettiest and stuffs like that, which is normal. But then they kinda went into judge-dread mode and started saying which faculty have bitches and bimbos etc. I listened and started thinking to myself: Why judge people when u guys aint the cream of the crop? Even if u are indeed the cream of the crop, who gave u the right to judge people?

Seriously speaking, i tink majority of the RT guys are the weak fellows in the male population of singapore, including me. So the stuffs these 3 nerds were toking about is kinda ironic. Whether they are bimbo or smart people or whatever they are, that's the way they are. They dun judge u, so why go and judge people? Ah well, juz a thought, cause i myself cannot escape from judging ppl sometimes, though i try to tell myself not to.

Tick tock tick tock i tink its time to rest. Dun kw why, i get tired easily these days. I've been watching House M.D. these few days, and its REALLI scary when every single fuck thing seems like some symptoms of some dread disease. Cb, think too much alreadi. hahaha

Oh ya, before i forget, people keep asking me a question whenever they see me. Its getting annoying, and i tot maybe i should explain things here. Yes, i still like her. But its like you like a ferrari, but u know u can never afford one. Get what i mean? Like doenst mean need to get together. As long as she's happy, she can hate me all she wan and im just as happy seeing her happy. So stop asking me whether i still like her anot because i will still tell u the same answer be it 5 yrs or 10 yrs. Its a preferencial feeling u have for something or someone, not that kind of 'i-must-own-her' kind of feeling. Understand??? =)

Jason's : Failing M9 is like being forced to look into ur own joblessness. If u get what i mean. Pardon my lousy language. =(

2009-09-03T23:55:00.002+08:00

i am veri vexed about tml's m9 paper. i realli dun wan to fail again.

im realli VERI VEXED. FUCK!

2009-08-24T22:50:00.002+08:00

Todae is my birthday.

I've been making the same wish for 2 years.

It will never come true.

I hope this will be the last year i make the same wish.

So yes, i made an additional wish this year apart from the same one every year.

I thank my family for celebrating this day with me.

I thank my frends for celebrating with me yesterday.

So todae is my birthday.

26th one to be exact.

Will i be what i want to be?

I do hope so.

M9 M8 i have to pass.

Daily quota i have to hit.

This friday i convo.

After that 2 weeks to first day of training.

My life is about:

Work.

Sales.

M8 M9.

Muay thai.

Training.

2009-08-12T01:42:00.002+08:00

the one with the philo shits

As usual, the paradigm of life still confounds me to this day. Life is like a stream of water seemingly flowing down a predetermined path, or so you thought, and the next moment it completely changes course. The way to live a enlightened life is to accept things for what they are, and we go full circle back to the philosophy of 'Everything happens for a reason.'

I officially rejected the GE FA job, and todae i went for UOB personal banker interview. Well, working for a bank gives you a basic and the benefits are actually better. The bottomline is still the same, if you dun achieve, u get fried. Ah well, watever it is, i need to hold down a job fast so as to repay ALOT of stuffs. Wah lan, if onli i hit the lottery. hurhur

Looking at my blog, i realised its quite solemn, as in there's not much pictures and the black theme kinda make it abit morbid. Well, my life isnt as sad as my blog lah, just that the black stuff make it seem cooler and im just too lazy to upload pictures. I've been browsing thru a few blogs recently and all of them proved everyone just wants to be loved.

What are the odds of finding somebody that realli loves you for who you are? Think about it, besides your family, the chances of finding somebody that dun lusts after you or loves ur money more then you are realli miniscure. The way to segregate whether its true love is to simply imagine yourself being blindfolded and void of all material thoughts. Kinda like ignoring all other factors that might contribute to your emotions, and just spend time with that person. This is a state where hearts and souls connect and the base foundation of the intriging 'love'.

So like i said, i presume i am the only dumb person who will actually ascertain my feelings truthfully, alot of relationships are actually built upon other factors rather then love. Be it a need for a partner, for the money, or simple lust, they're actually a kalaidescope of interconnected actions and reactions. For that, i am damned and most prob will remain single for life. Yeah people tell me 'fate will come' or 'when its time, its time' etc. To me now its all bullshit because although i am in no position to be picky, im extremely picky.

Ah fuck, im feeling so naked toking about these stuffs man. Think forget it, no point further illustrating. Back to where i was, im updating irregularly these days, simply because i slack at home so much and i didnt realli go out, so i dun have much 'adventures' to post here. hahaha

The last time i went out was sunday, when i met ah wei, ah leong and mee kia for lunch and a day out on national day. A day out with any of the guys is always a good day, all the rubbishes and the laughter, it just reminds me this is the reason we are frends. =)

2009-07-31T01:54:00.002+08:00

The one in the middle of the night.

Im kinda vexed these days, lots of problem surfaced. Especially financial problems. Sigh.

My com died on me, and i needa change the motherboard and the processor, which amounts to around $160. Then the great eastern thingy dropped a bomb on me, telling me needa buy laptop. So i guess i will be paying $300 to the company cause i certainly do not wan to spend 800 bucks when i haven even started work. So yes. Screw laptops.

And then the convo thing i need $250 as deposit for the stupid graduation gown. Cb leh, how am i supposed to pop up with so much cash out of a sudden? I dun wanna borrow from ppl, so i have to tink of something. And then there's the problem about finding a job tat surfaced again after i decided to fly great eastern aeroplane. CB.

Shit happens, and as a matter of fact most of the shit is self-inflicted. Ya, i kinda ate myself. Ah well, i have this penchant to choose the wrong direction if u get what i meant. hmmms...

Enough bout my troubles, lets tok about something else. I've been repeatedly listening to a song these days. Didnt find it nice, until i heard it in somebody's car earlier this year at night near changi airport. I know its abit hard for ppl to understand, but those who knows, know, as usual. They will remember the song, each and everyone in the car. hahas! Ah well, those were the days eh? (Those that still rem the song name can try to guess it in the comment box. hurhur)

The earth still spins, and i do thank alex, who indirectly helped me. Toking this, i realli like my muay thai club more and more. The people there are nice, although im actually quite mean to the girls, lols. I like to disturb people lah, so i might be appear mean lor. But well, i realli meant no harm, and i had my fair share of people that cannot take jokes, so yeah, the gals in MT are realli good sports. =)

The guys in MT are a funny and interesting crowd, especially the seniors. What i enjoy is the seriousness when we train, and yet there's this comaderie and trust. When we train, the focus in our eyes realli makes me damn happy to be training with this bunch of people. With the recent addition and help of louis, wilson and jason, the training is getting more and more fun. =)

Then comes this side of me, that realli wanna be better at my art. To lose weight, gain speed and power. The stupid tummy is making my kicks less effective, although it does serve as a shock absorber sometimes. My balance is laughable so i cant realli do consequetive (i kw spell wrong. mental block.) kicks fast and furiously. Sigh. Needa train more ah jason lam, train more.

One more thing, as i get older, i realised im getting more and more long winded hor. U see my entries when i was younger was much shorter then the posts now lor. I tink im realli getting old le. Thinking bout it, i AM old. 26 yr old without a dime and best thing is im jobless. Haiz.

Alrite lah, enough of my depressing situation. Will think of something soon. Meantime, i have to go rest and wake up early tml to study for the HI test that is tml. I paid for it, might as well go for it rite?

Nitez fellows.^_^

2009-07-28T00:11:00.002+08:00

The one with the besotted dreams

Im kinda depressed these days, simply because my parents dun realli understand what i am and what i wanna become. As usual, they're ur typical asian conservative types, who wans their kids to get a stable job and then work till old and save up an amount in CPF and then retire. In short form, sandwich class.

They never realli understood my dreams and aspirations. Im not one to be tied down to on 9 to 5 job and stay that way forever. I wan to start something i call my own, regardless how tough the going. I dare not say i am the perfect business man material with the perfect plan, but i wan and dare to try. Sigh.

Why do parents like to impose their format of life onto their kids? Why dun they understand sometimes, we wan to shape our own future, rather then follow their predetermined 'perfect life' format? They say im silly, naive and not practical. What's so silly about having a dream, naive about trying to fulfill that dream, and not practical about starting your own business?

My mum says business is onli for the rich kids, with rich dads to sponsor their business. For me, i believe in starting something from ur own hands, by your own means. So what if i have no rich dad? Capital problems can be solved with a good business plan, i personally have business ideas and concepts that are low cost and efficient.

An example is Seraphine Playworks, the cost for the entire operation was less then $200, simply because of the JIT inventory methodology i adopted. Orders first, inventory second. The same goes for the upcoming idea that im currently discussing with ah wei. The capital needed for this venture is just the registration fee and around $3k of backup funds. So you see, contrary to popular belief, u dun need alot of money to start a business.

Sigh, anyways, in the meantime i shall study well for my HI and M9, after passing out maybe work as a FA for the time being. No basic is a headache, but its still a proper job after all. I've decided to work hard for this job and at least get a stable income. Alot of ppl tells me negative stuffs about this line, but i still wanna go ahead and see where this will take me. I know, ppl might laugh or ridicule me IF i fail, but heck them all, even if i fail, i learn something out of it.

Enough about my miserable life, lets tok more about people's lives. People at some stage or another, fall deeply in love with another person, normally with the opposite sex. So the deeper they fall for somebody, the greater the hit they take when things end. What ppl see is the loss of somebody they loved for so long, what they fail to see, is how insignificant the situation is.

Everything has its cycle of beginning and end. When things end, why take it so bitterly? Its simply a cycle, and the saying that there is a better one out there is always true. By the Law of greater numbers, there is ALWAYS somebody better, no matter how perfect you deemed your lost love to be. So just take in the memories, and be glad that both of you had time together.

Im gonna be 30 in 4 yrs time, and i realised i lived almost 1/3 my entire lifespan. I have 2/3 of my life left to do something great and be someone great. By doing and being someone great, i dun mean appearing on Forbes magazine or anything related to being super rich. On the contrary, i wanna be a good son, husband and father.

To me, money is important, but nothing is more important than your loved ones and family. What the oldies says is true, the greatest wealth in the world is having a closely knit family. The parents who cared for you from birth to now, the siblings who went thru thick and thin with you thruout your life, the wife who chose to follow you trusting you with her entire remaining life that you will love her with all your heart and soul, and your children who loves you and believes in you. They are what's important, not just some greenbacks and golden bars.

I know its kinda philosophical, but nonetheless to be able to appreciate and conduct yourself with the above principle is not easy. People discover this truth sooner or later, but most of the time, its too late. Im just glad i realised this early, when i didnt learn this the hard way.

If you are looking for a clue to my recent sudden change in policy, you wont realli find it here. Its like i say, i woke up one day and had a eureka moment, and from then on, screw it. I know how i feel and who i am, i dun see a need anymore to be appreciated. This paragraph has no relation to the above paragraphs. Those who get it, got it. Those that dont, too bad. I will most prob ignore whoever say the magic words from now on.

Jason's: When things get sickeningly disgusting, they simply cease to exist. Law of Mutuality.

2009-07-11T01:01:00.003+08:00

the one with the supa late updates

I've been too slack to realli update this blog, but i promise i shall try my best to update it more often. yeah, promise. =p

Anyways i got TONS to blog about, and some of the contents might be a bit surprising to some people. hahaha. Firstly, im on the way to becoming a FA with Great Eastern OCBC. Before u close this window and block me on msn and delete my phone number, let me tell you bout details k?

I actually told the company my criteria before i signed up with them. 1st thing is i dun harass frens and family members. Simple as that. Second is i dun wanna do MRT hawking. Its not that im acting high class or watever, its just so freaking hot and i will sweat like a dog wearing formal under the hot sun. When im hot and sweaty (when im not in training attire.) , my mood is totally fucked and im quite unapproachable, much less approach ppl. so there.

Todae i went for my M5 exam, and i failed it. Fuck. Its total crap, u need 75% and above to pass that fucking paper, which is like unless u get distinction, u cannot pass. wtf? Anyways im gonna spend $100 to retake it. Fuck man. Waste of money. ccb.

Im actually comtemplating whether to juz fuck the whole thing and accept the RBS loan executive position IF they call, or juz reject them and stick with this FA thingy. Benefits of a FA includes perfect time control, high earnings provided u put in the effort. Time and money is what i need to start a business, so what i wanna do is do my best to help ppl plan their finances, and earn a tidy sum within the first 3 yrs so i can start Lam's Enterprises. Good plan?

But its juz a utopian scenario lah, the hard work involved is not child's play. Infact, i foresee a dilemma even if i succeed in becoming a successful FA. Either i start my business, or i go try SIA as a pilot. With monetary capital to support myself for the next 2 yrs, its a perfect time to go try SIA. Sigh. I dun kw man, but lets not think that far, i might not even make it as a FA.

Okays. Now career stuffs aside, lets tok about the topic people are most interested about.... my life. Firstly, i like to say, someone misunderstood me. But i dun see a need to clarify, since its kinda pointless because it runs too deep lah. All bad stuffs is me, and all good stuffs is due to any other factors except me. haha. Well let the wheels roll, im too tired and cropped up with things to be bothered anymore.

I dun realli wanna be childish, but i guess i can onli retaliate with childishness. Its kinda fun in a morbid way, i dun kw why also, but fuck it, juz enjoy the lan-lan-ness of the whole issue. When things clear up in future if ever, we might just laugh at our stupidity although we're almost 50 yrs old added together.

Yesterday went for muay thai training, and guess who i saw? huimin. again. This time, its not in the library, she's having lecture and was dressed as a OL. Wah lan eh, sibei pretty lah. She's even prettier then last time in Sec School lor. But interestingly, i didnt chat much, just the usual hi and some crapping, then im on my way to bathe and change to go for dinner.

I was tinking about stuffs on the way to dinner with the muay thai fellows, and im starting to understand, life is about accepting and adapting. Accept things that cannot be, and adapt to changes. Me and her, i have to accept its not gonna happen, and then adapt and carry on with life as per usual. I managed to do that for huimin, and never did i expect her to come back into my life again after 10 yrs, as a frend that is, tentatively. hahah =x

Nonsenses aside, im slacking like nobody's business these days man. I need to pick myself up from this pile before i realli become shit. haha. So i needa do something, anything. ffffaaaarrrkkkk.....

Oh ya, and then there's this type of people that asks dumb questions. They think we're at the same level and we should start at the same pathetic level as them. People get educated for a reason, and that reason is a higher start in life then you, so stop whining as asking how qualified we are, and work on making urself as qualified as us.

The above mentioned type is that kind of fellow that whines at every fuck thing and wallows that the world is unfair and such. Why not see things in a different perspective? Go do something about urself, rather then blaming the world for fuck's sake. You are what you are, because of what you want yourself to be.

I hope it rains later man, i wanna sleep my M5 failure off. hahahas. Oh ya, im currently thinking about trying to prepare Panna Cotta. Its a simple italian dessert which looks and sound super delicious. Tml im going to town, most prob will buy the ingredients and try it out. heehee.

You know, this might sound clique and abit gayish, but i do foresee myself preparing breakfast for my wife on sundays before she wakes up, served up in a breakfast tray and we could have breakfast in bed. hiak hiak hiak~~ im so hopeless rite? yeah i do agree, but that's how i am. Im someone that is emotional and romantically inclined. But im not those girlish girlish fellow, i come with fire and i am 100% man. Right now im trying to make myself more cultured, less vulgarities, and more constructive sentence linkages. =p

Wootz, call of nature, gotta shit. So im signing off here to go shit. Till the nxt entry!

2009-06-15T00:53:00.002+08:00

the one with the 10

It realli amazes me sometimes,how emotions can actually go into auto-pilot. Anyways, im just gonna keep quiet and remain neutral. Its my turn to watch , i alreadi got golden horse award, so i just diam diam ba.

Life hasnt been that kind to me, although i still think my life is much better then 80% of the people around the world. Watched HOME, a documentary to promote Save Gaia. Once again, something in me moved when i watched how the documentary was shot. The global inbalance in financial status, the poor get poorer and the rich get richer by exploiting the earth resources.

Im not a super go green person, but im still moved by the documentary. Once again im reminded, that while im involved and obsessed with some small and stupid stuffs, there are people who didnt even have the luxury to mull over such issues. What's on their mind, is how to survive till the next day, everyday.

Its not only this documentary that struck a cord with me, there's this other short film that won the 2008 Best short film at a Europe award called '10 Mins'. Go youtube it, its very inspiring and its a masterpiece. The Bosnian War scene was shot in 1 continuous take and its realli a directing masterpiece with a message behind it. I like stuffs with a meaning behind it. =)

Alrite, i shall list out 10 experiences that made this guy a stupid fuck. Yeah, u heard it, stupid fuck. Kinda painful ya know, but things gonna be learnt the hard way, and yeah, im still a stupid fuck. hahaha.

1) Never be too nice to a gal. Too nice, and u are simply heading down the 'Brother' or 'Bestie' road. I dun mean being nasty to her lah, but save the mushy mushy stuffs after she's yours. If not, dun bother.

2) This might sound stupid, but well, do not let her know how much you like her. Keep her in suspense and you are effectively keeping the ball in your park. Never demonstrate that you are 100% into her, if not, she might either make use of you, or manipulate you in some other ways, but never accept you.

3) No matter how strong the urge, do not sms or call her too much. As per above, guys tend to exhibit a insane tendency to sms or call the gal everyday. If she likes you, u dun contact her, she also will contact you lah. If she dun like you, you call 1 million times also useless, you're only fucking irritating to her. So there, do not, i repeat DO NOT contact her 'turbo-ly'. Show her that you can control yourself.

4) Hang up the god damn phone if you find the conversation draggy. I've not chatted on the phone for more then 5 yrs, but from previous telephony experiences from Sec skool and Poly days, its best to hang up. Noone enjoys silence over the phone when you can hear the wind blowing or their mum screaming. Nothing to say, hang up. Period.

5) There is infact, no such thing as chemistry or sparks. Yes, i know people might disagree with me here, but if a person likes you, he or she will slowly adapt. You will start to learn the habits and likings of each other, so bit by bit, things will start to gel. Infact, if u like him/her enough, u will go research and understand more on her/his interests. Its not about giving up your identity, its about the effort that you make to understand someone you say you love.

6) Always make sure you are very sure of how you feel before taking the plunge. Never go in uncertain, uncertainty always screws things up. Never gamble on others' feelings, it always leads to an unsightly ending, and the entire world will know you're a fucking bastard. Yeah, the entire world, communication is veri advanced now.

7) Things always happen for a reason. If you dun get the gal, dun despair, cause it might be god's way of protecting you. Yes, u heard rite. Most prob after you get together with her, your career might crash, or some fucking satellite might land on you. Fate is something that protects you, not ridicule you. I know, you can tell me thousands of "if's" and "what if's", but dun imagine things, you are not god, you cannot make things move the way you want it. That's the fact. And you cant be with her, is also a fact. Accept it.

8) Never say never. Do not swear to god that you will never fall for him/her, cause god might not only be the one laughing at your sorry ass. Seriously, noone knows what will happen, and the onli certainty in the world is uncertainty. Therefore do not say that you will never fall for him/her, you REALLI never know what will happen sia. nb.

9) Beauty is onli skin deep. Trust me, all my life, i dare not say i've been in any relationships, but i've been frends with the best of them. The best gals i've known in my 26 yrs are not extremely pretty, infact, average looking, but they realli do have a angelic aura around them. Nice, refined, perfect in every sensible sense. And the worst gals i've known are well, the top of the range in the looks department. But im thankful, i found a diamond in the rough, but too bad its NEVER gonna work and im just thankful she didnt hire assassin to kill me. hiak hiak hiak. (oh fuck, i said never, which contradicts point 8. Um well, this is an exception, it realli is never. hahaha)

10) A final point to take note is, things are like a see-saw, the secret is always balance. You give, you take. Things are not gonna last if you keep giving and not taking, same goes vice versa. The hardest part in relationship maintainence is keeping a balance in everything. Never have the notion that when u keep giving and not taking, you're a perfect man. Perfection is a sin, and people hate sinners. Like i have said before, and i always will say, 2 imperfect persons make a perfect couple.

Special Point ) If things ended, let it end. When a relationship fails, there is always a reason, therefore dun try to drag things and let the reason hurt each other further. Get together, cherish every moment, and in the unfortunate event it ends, smile and let it end.

The precious lessons that life taught me will always be with me, no matter where i go. I always believed im a man meant to do great things, and there are times where the going gets tough and i start to doubt myself. But then again, men are like iron ore, we all need to be forged in the fires of hardships in order to become steel. Therefore all the bad stuffs are actually just there for me to learn and grow, and there are all part and parcel of the journey to become the man i was destined to be.

2009-06-08T01:03:00.003+08:00

Buay Song

These few days, my mood isnt on cloud nine. Alot of fucked up things are fucking up my mind. First off, my results are fucking on hold by the dun kw what fuck aussie union. Why the fuck do they have to fucking hold up OUR results? Pua cb, the best thing is, IT ONLI AFFECTS US, THE AUSSIE STUDENTS THERE ARE NOT FUCKING CB AFFECTED! FUCK YOU BASTARDS!

Second thing that's driving me crazy is the fucked up job market. Its kinda hard finding a job, and although i can and wan to do sales, i need bank interior experience. So yes, i gotta find a internal job position in a bank and crank up on the experience. Fuck. Im poor enough as it is, now knn still must settle for some cb fucked up pay, 1.5k to 1.7k. Cb, i last time diploma also get 1.8k working as a assistant engineer lor.

Thirdly, i still owe my frends money. $150 to jer, $300 to ah wei. Fuck. I wanna pay them back as soon as possible, but as long as i cant find a job, i cant. I dun like to owe frens money, especially they being the ones who without a second word lent it to me. I thank god that i have frends that are always there for me when the going gets tough. So yes, they are also the reason i wanna find a job asap.

Fourth, i needa pay my grandma back. The study fees remember? Its 30K lah, must start repaying asap also. Although not pressured, i still wanna settle it asap. Argh, so many stuffs to settle, with all these financial burdens on me, when the fuck can i start my own stuffs?

Coupled with all these, there's this other thing as well. I know i shouldnt feel this way, but well, fuck that. What thing? I dun wanna say, but its fucking me up from within. I must try to tear myself away from this thing. I fucking must. Its fucking up my life.

So all these factors cumulate into a negative mood streak for me these days. Therefore in the meantime, dun screw with me.

On a final note, someone asked me do i still. yes i still.

2009-05-16T17:38:00.003+08:00

3 doors open, 2 doors closed

People ask me, why i so long never blog. My answer besides the exams is that i dun wanna divulge too much stuffs, might cause misunderstandings you see. Exams are officially over, and if nothing goes wrong, theoretically im at the end of my student life. After 26 yrs. wow.

Along this whole 3 yrs of uni life, everything now seems like a fleeting image. You kw, the joyous times, the down times, the mugging days etc. I've made frens that i kw can go the distance, and im kinda thankful that i actually belonged to a group the moment i step into uni.

Went out abit after the exams, and im beginning and understand the magnitude of the next phrase of life. Finally i have walked out of the confines of this academic society, armed with the most basic of qualifications. Which door will i open? What path will i walk? The unknown always seem to excite me and generally speaking, im a risk taker.

Pilot plans have to be shelved for the time being, cause i needa earn some dough for the reasons i've explained in a previous post. So now its a ground job for the time being. Banker? Marketer? Sales? Infact, i dun wanna take up a back end job. Yeah i kw its stable, but there's no challenges and risk, its too mundane. I thrive on volatility, to me, its either u make it, or u dun. Simple equation.

And lastly, there are 2 things i should shed. 1 is fats, the other, my kiddish demeanour, or in short, my crapping and yapping. Im naturally a joyful person, but sometimes too joyful and i automatically go into crap mode. And so, time to lose it and face the world. =)

Alrite, now to tok about a type of person i totally fucking hate. I hate ppl that keeps saying how bad life has been to them and they keep toking about what kind of shit they have been thru etc. They think they're the onli ones with problems and they've been thru enough shit and hence is a breed above. I say fuck their cb mentality. I know of 2 persons like tat.

They lead what kind of fuck life, i dun care, but the thing is, i KNOW things aint that bad for them. They are the kind of fucktarts that craves for people to respect them, and they aint getting it from me. Infact, i look down on them. To have to resort to such methods hoping that people will respect them. Pui.

Im toking about a specific type here, im fine with people whining about life and such, but to tell you things like "aiyah, i've been thru more then you lah, u dun kw one lah.", tis is that kind i hate the most. Among the 2, 1 of them i totally ignore, whenever he ask me out for kopi or watever, i simply ignore or heck. I dun wanna go out there and listen to his fucking cb nonsenses, and i totally am not impressed by watever he says he's been thru.

People like to dramaticize things, to the extend i realli realli feel they are damn dumb. Argh. Fuck them all.

Okays, composure. Chill. And as i was saying, life after studies. A few plans are in my mind, i alreadi plan how to spend money =.=". Firsy paycheck will be used to buy working neccesities, and then nxt one to revamp my room, and all future earnings will be invested. A percentage will go to repayment of the study debt, and a little amount is saved in the bank, just in case my stocks go bankrupt. i shall apply the 1/4 theory that i so convenient thought out for myself.

The 1/4 theory is a basic and simple approach to investment that people always overlook. 1/4 of your investment fund should always be hedged on some non-risky asset, and the other 1/4 for extremely risky assets. The remaining half should be positioned somewhere in between both risk horizon, meaning moderate-risk assets. Never play contra, unless you can cover your ass. After my bad experience with the US stock markets, i can safely tell you guys that stocks are never predictable, or should i say, human psychology?

And then to supplement the investment mentality with the professional gambler rules that i've read up on. Ya, i went to research on gambling as a profession, and the ironic thing is, professional gamblers do not realli 'gamble'. They take calculated risk, and alot of patience is required. Professionals stick to the staking plan, and observation serves a critical part in the success or failure.

Wootz, i've been writing for the past hr unwittingly, and i haven updated you guys. haha

Next week im going to vietnam for my grad trip. And im not veri excited about it, dun kw why leh, just not excited. Before people jump to conclusions that im not excited because of a certain someone not going for the trip, i wanna inform people that usually before going overseas, im always in a non-chalent mood. Its the same when i went to Japan, Taiwan, Australia etc in the past. So this attribute is inherent, not derivative. =)

Oh ya, lastly, i wanna tok about true frens. There are 2 types of frens, one type, they listen to you and are there for you when u are down. The other type are the ones that lend you a hand when u are in trouble. Those people that listens and lent me a hand when im down and out, these people are the ones i will remember when things goes nicely for me. As much as i have these frens, i also wanna be such a fren to them as well. I believe in what comes around goes around, so people that are nice to me, i will be nice as well. Those that toks nonsenses and gives me fuck reasons when the going gets tough, be assured you wont even get shit from me.

2009-04-23T02:22:00.002+08:00

Atheist

ahem, im back to post. Reasons for the long break is as usual. Lazy, plus its exams study period now, so yeah, was mugging in skool mostly.

Something strange seems to be happening these days, there seems to be a sudden flux of past. I know its kinda hard to understand what im toking about lah, but things and people from the past seems to be coming back to me. I dun kw to be thankful, or curse whoever made all these happen.

Alot of things went thru my head these days. From the start of the study period, i saw. And then it became frequent, and i keep questioning why am i seeing so much. And i tried to smile a couple of times, you know, at least be frens after so many yrs mah rite? Well, fate always seems to thwart the attempts, if you know what i mean.

And todae, when i wasnt tinking anything, it came smack in my face. Was abit un-nerving, having to tok to her after so long. What transversed between us this afternoon, was more then my 4 yrs of knowing her in the past. Her eyes, they haven aged at all, they're still as bright as i've first known her. I've seen her around in school, but didnt realli speak to her, cause some things in the past still clinged on, and well, i didnt realli wanted to dig out what was buried.

I dun kw man, seeing her gave me a sense of familiarity and warmth, yet i was abit wary. Wary of what? i dun kw, juz wary. I mean the bottomline is, she's the first after all, so with her, i feel like im back to secondary skool days, the little boy within me who blushes whenever i see her.

I hate contigencies, especially those 'empire-strikes-back' types. I was troubled the whole evening after that, wondering why would that old-fellow-up-there dig shit out that was buried like almost 10 yrs ago? And before people makes crazy prepositions, im just lamenting, not considering anything yet. Dont ask me about this, anyways i dun tink people wan to know also lah.

And the worse thing is, there are MORE contingencies looming in the midst these days. Why? I dont know, but things suddenly seem to open up and its realli veri deadly. Argh.

Okays, the above aside, some stuffs happened, and people saw. Ya, they saw, not i say one, but they saw. So ya, they tell, i listened, i nodded. Its kinda sad realli, when people have to stoop so low they seem to be squating. Haiz. Is a ego boost realli that important? Ah well, let me get detached and be a floating exchange rate ba, i dun realli wanna care anymore. If abc cant see, then xyz is not worth it anyways.

Buddha teaches peace, externally and internally. Im not a staunt buddhist, infact im a free thinker or atheist or whatever they call it. But i understand and believe in the values that 'thou shall not do unto others what thou doth want others to do unto thee.'. In lay man terms, people should not do to other what they dun want others to do to them.

Ironically, toking bout peace, im kinda stirred inside and outside. hurhur. Internally is due to contingencies, externally is im ballooning up slowly. Sigh. Ah well, after exams plenty of time to shed off the exam-weights, so for now, enjoy the wriggly fats ba.

Im a frank and honest fellow, i like who or dislike who quite obvious one. Nothing much to fear ba. But people do see me on the contrary as a trash-talking, in your face, constantly cursing barbarian. Yeah i tink sometimes i do get over enthusiastic in conversations, but i am me. I dun lie to people. I dun hide true self from people. what you see is what you get. If you think you are pure and true, stare into my eyes. Im a soul-starer, a special breed of men that can see thru your soul. *crap*

Hypocrisy is rampant in modern society and people simply dig it. Hypocrisy is infact the new black, and people who are frank and honest are the current shit pile. hahas, anyways im always full of shit lah, so i dun mind joining shit pile gang. hiak hiak~~

After the above, i would expect more 'house of flying daggers'. Life is indeed a movie like they said. hahaha, dark joke. I might be mistaken lah, must give the benefit of doubt, but its realli like what they say sia. "How dark the human heart!"

2009-04-08T19:29:00.004+08:00

Always Be My Baby

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be apart of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....

You'll always be apart of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

Always be my baby

Yup, this is the david cook rendition of mariah carey's Always Be My Baby. Damn nice sia, i like cook's vocals, those husky husky manly manly kinda vocals. Yeah, tat's y i like artists like Nickelback and Chris Daughtry.

Anyhow, my blog's growing abit rusty from the neglect, so im here todae to spruce it up abit with some updates. First up, todae i juz went to depot road to answer my charge for defaulting from RT. Well, i defaulted in order to do the EG project tat time, so luckily the officer waived off the charge for me. Thanks man, whoever you are.

Things are starting to pile up a few days back, mentally i mean. But well, after todae, it seems alot of stuffs kinda automatically settle themselves, in this case turns out to be a blessing in disguise. Im adopt a non-chalent attitude to those issues deemed important by people, but i guess its time to shed leave that comfort zone.

Very soon, i have to revamp my wardrobe. The normal attire of t-shirt and jeans will have to give way to working shirts and pants. Sigh. Everyone knows how comfy jeans n t-shirts are...
And best yet, all kinds of revolution, no matter cultural or historical or watever fuck-shit-cal, needs money-power. Im kinda lacking in that department currently.

Reconsidering the pilot thingy, i think i shall start work first, before making the switch, cause i need to earn some money to repay the study debt and get my life into shape. Then on, when things are settled, then i will take the plunge and give the skies a try, literally. heh.

Then again, the future is always uncertain, so i cant say for sure im gonna take this route. Im alreadi foreseeing the dilemma that's gonna happen like 3 yrs down the road? Ah well, fuck that for now. We plan first, got any contingency along the way then review ba. =)

Muay thai wise, the IVP will be in December, and its not even confirmed yet, therefore i gave myself reason to slack and laze abit. Lazy lazy me. But i could spar around and gain more experience though, when it comes to preparation, more is better then less. I dun wanna be the one lying face down in the ring now do we? =)

2009-03-20T00:05:00.004+08:00

Ain't She Meaningful?

Well a few things here to tok about. First is i tide thru the IME test, i tink lah. Should be able to pass ba. Went to the career fair todae to check things out and maybe find a job there. There's a few insurance companies there, which im quite wary of, since i didnt realli like the prospect of selling insurance.

Alrite, now for some gossip and the aftermath. No, its not bout O. Yeah, been sometime since i used the codename O alreadi. Anyways like i was saying, i was returning home after la-ing kopi with the fellows at the kopitiam.

While i was crossing the road, i saw a couple in their 20s quarreling in the distance, and being the kaypoh me, i tried to listen abit on what the conversation is about. I didnt realli kw the whole story, but i heard the gal say this: "You have never demonstrated to me how much you love me at all."

That guy juz stood there quietly and extremely pissed. To me, the thing she said also sets me tinking, and whatever they said after that i didnt listen alreadi. The thing is she's actually veri rite, usually guys are callous and rarely do they do anything to show their gfs how much they actually meant to them.

And so, i quietly revised something i knew all along. The fact that love is a give and take relationship, its not all take and no give, its also nvr a all give and no take thing. You all get what i mean la hor.

Despite all these years being single, i actually learned alot of stuffs from my attached frends. Things to do, and things not to do. I can make a lists of those 'things', but i will not, cause the main point here is not to demonstrate to anybody whatsoever what i am or who i am. This entry is just a simple reflection of what that gal said.

Having said that, i suddenly remembered this song from when i was young. Its by Backstreet Boys, and i just so happened to stumble upon the MTV. Can you guess what song it is?

And so remember to tell your gal/woman this--> I'll never break your heart.

2009-03-13T03:09:00.003+08:00

unusual chatter

alive not dead. this entry is to tell ppl im still alive. sort of anyways. heh.

As usual, the nxt entry will be a little lengthy.

Say, my entries these days are starting to be few and far between, yet its always so damn long man.

Ah well, me n my grandmother stories.

gonna koon, tml do EG. sianz.

made to last, i am. =)

2009-03-06T23:41:00.003+08:00

Detached.

Tomolo is MC test. I hecked it. Kinda. Suddenly felt like not studying this afternoon. Sigh. Maybe its the lethargy from yesterday? Might be. Ah well, my lil sista sent me a song by NeYo, like 5 mins ago. Is kinda meaningful, at least some parts of the lyrics.

As per normal, i keep thinking bout things and how they are going. Studies wise, its going waywards, and we're halfway thru the semester. Wow. Money wise, im drained. But i shall say this again, im in love with muay thai. Though im bruised and shagged, im definitely lovin it. heh.

Will post some pictures here when i get my hands on the muay thai pics. So meantime, settle for the lyrics of the song from NeYo that i was toking bout in the previous paragraph.

Mad
Ne Yo

She's starin' at me
I'm sittin' wonderin' what she's thinkin'
Nobody's talkin' 'cause talkin' just turns into screamin'
And now it's I'm yellin' over her, she yellin' over me
All that that means is neither of us is listening

And what's even worse?
That we don't even remember why we're fighting
So both of us are mad for

Nothing, fighting for
Nothin', crying for
Nothing, whoa
But we won't let it go for

Nothing, no not for
Nothing, this should be
Nothing to a love like what we got

Oh baby, I know sometimes it's gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Can't sleep through the pain

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no no no

And it gets me upset
Girl when you're constantly accusing
Askin' questions like you already know
We're fighting this war
Baby when both of us are losing
This ain't the way that love is supposed to go

Whoa, what happened to workin' it out?
We've fall into this place
Where you ain't backin' down and I ain't backin' down
So what the hell do we do now?
It's all for

Nothing, fighting for
Nothing, crying for
Nothing, whoa
But we won't let it go for

Nothing, no not for
Nothing, this should be
Nothing to a love like what we got

Oh baby, I know sometimes it's gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Can't sleep through the pain

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no no no

Oh, baby this love ain't gonna be perfect
Perfect, perfect, oh oh
And just how good it's gonna be
We can fuss and we can fight
Long as everything's all right between us
Before we go to sleep
Baby, we're gonna be happy, oh

Baby, I know sometimes it's gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Can't sleep through the pain

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no no no

So there, another one of the little meaningful songs that meant so much. *it rhymes. heh*

2009-02-22T02:53:00.004+08:00

A Rendition of Time

Ah huh, im back to post after a long period of rest/laziness. Dun tink anybody will be missing me though. I will try to keep this entry as short as i can, cause i have tons of things to update and i dun wanna bore you people to tears. So yeah...and im listing stuffs in point form to simplify things. =)

number 1: im being charged by the army for missing 3 sessions of RT. Its my fault tat i miscalculated the dates and so i suck thumb need to go face the music. Ah well, im quite prepared for it, cause if u did something wrong, u face the consequences.

number 2: i have a new passion in life, and that is muay thai. I went to join reilly and jade at our new muay thai club in skool and indeed, im hooked. All along i have a passion for martial arts since im young, just tat im too procrastinatory to realli go join something. Since i have taken the first step, i have set for myself a goal as well, which is to join rei in the upcoming inter-varsity muay thai IVP.

yeah, i kw its kinda far-fetched since i just started like 2 weeks back, but to me, with this goal in mind i will train hard and at the end of the road, even though i might not be able to take part now, i will continue to train hard for some other events. And infact, this time, i have a veri different feeling, simple because im training for a purpose, not aimless training anymore.

number 3: im kinda disappointed in some people, namely a few not-veri-normal frends. Its hard to explain and write bout them here, without being explicit and risk exposing their antics to the whole world, so i shall not write bout things they did, i just wanna tell ppl im disappointed. I mean, why cant ppl be normal like my OG mates or meekia they all? sigh.

number 4: i stand tall and shall remain standing tall, believing in my own morality and sticking by my principles. No amount of brainwashing will make me a bastard, one at a time means one at a time. Do not tell me to multi-invest man, i simply refuse to multi-invest when it comes to affairs of the heart. And dun tell me about ur multi-investing exploits. yes, call me a dumb fuck, but i will stick to what i say. period.

number 5: life is gaining speed, projects are coming up and my engine is starting up slowly. Im picking myself up from the lazy roots entangling me, and start to be more productive in terms of studies. Im still jobless though, and im starting to get concerned, cause im outta chow for my grad trip man! Fug, i HAVE to find a job, i dun wan to starve in the Nam! (Nam = Vietnam)

number 6: My frends are all watching Boys Before Flowers,the korean F4 and im veri tempted to watch it. BUT i have to control myself, cause once i start on a drama, i cannot stop, especially those nice ones. Alot of projects and stuffs, so i simply cannot allow myself to get hooked. Besides, the series haven finish running yet, and i hate waiting for the next episode to air, i rather one shot choing finish the entire drama. heh.

number 7: im still hesitating whether to publish some stuffs anot, i saved it as a draft, but i tink now's not the time to publish it ba. Maybe i will never publish it, even after i graduate. Its a good read though, everytime i read thru the story, i feel a deep deep warmth rising up from the bottom of my heart. So i think most probably i shall keep the story to myself. Better that way lah, dun anyhow anyhow mah. Shall leave it up to fate ba. If its meant to be published, then it will be, if not, then let it be ba. =)

number 8: if u people noticed, i've changed the song in my blog to a classic love song. Yeah, its suited to my blog's color theme, and i recommend reading my blog in the middle of the night. At night read more emo more romantic rite? right. hahah =p.

Okay lah, dun de siao le lah, its just im kinda into Class 95 these days, i kinda imagined myself driving my BMW around town at night, tuned to 95. Yeah, i love the feeling when you let the night breeze weave thru your hair as u listen to a CLS. wow. (CLS = classic love song)

number 9: i was scared stiff by somebody who is over frendly. Yeah, too frendly for my comfort, so natural instinct = siam. Not say i have value or anything lah, just not comfortable.

number 10: Its not realli nice to be mean to somebody, and i do feel kinda bad sometimes. I admit i do join in the gossiping and things, but since the person also nvr do things realli realli bad to me, why should i ostracize tat person? Besides, its kinda like a mirror image of how another person feels about me. irony. hahaha ah well, let me just wake up ba, shall not be so mean to that person le. =)

Aite, that ends my update for this entry. Its kinda lengthy in the end, but i tried my best to shorten it alreadi. Serious! There's lots more i nvr tok about lor, but okay lah, too much information is bad for health. Hehe, so i shall sign off here and go watch HARD TO KILL by Steven Seagal. I have this VCR when i was young, where i will repeatedly watch recorded movies with my brothers and sister in my old house. Haha~~~ chow~~~ =)

Final Note: Actually if you tell yourself you're not affected, then nothing in the world can affect you. Think and act logical, dun get involved with people that wants to affect you.

2009-01-25T04:26:00.004+08:00

Interlude

Many wondered, where have i been? How come i've not updated my blog for so damn long? Its simple, i was typing a draft. A extremely long draft that till now i still haven finish typing. This entry is just to notify ppl tat im still alive and kicking.

Life wise everything as per normal. Im learning to cherish my frends more, i was realli happy when ah tan, nich and eugene came to crash IME class on thursday. I haven been so happy for quite awhile alreadi, though we did dumb things like acting like wrestlers outside NP stadium toilet etc...

I guess when people leave you, then u start to realised how they have slowly crept into your heart and ur life. Well, not exactly leave, but u tend to take them for granted when u see them everyday. The irony in life is people dun cherish what they have, until they lose it. When will we ever learn?

And this goes out to not onli the OG guys, but the OG gals as well. I know i dun realli tok to you gals much, but all of u are frends to me, i just tok to the guys more. hahah. =p... anyways i've decided to smile more, and try to be get back to normal. Veri soon the next time i see you peeps will be in formal wear, not in t-shirt jeans/pants anymore. So yeah. =)

And final note: Be happy, always.

2009-01-09T06:36:00.002+08:00

Acid

yes im blogging in the wee hours of the morning, ur eyes aint bluffing u. I cant sleep, so i will ramble abit here before i go for a run.

I realli tried my best to bear with it. I realli realli tried. Im sorry if my expression shows it, but i realli tried my very best to bear with it. Its kinda awkward, the kind of feeling. I felt it before in the past, yes, but never so strong. Its like some kind of extremely acidic thingy burning inside your heart from the inside out, at least that's how i read it.

I know there's no need to feel this way, because i am in no position and have no reasons to burn like tat inside. The thing is i cannot control it, like i said, i leashed it, but even so its so hard to control the sourish acidic sensation. I went for a walk to try to walk the feeling off, thought about other dumb stuffs to divert the sensation, but its pointless. In the end im still lan lan, what can i do about it? Answer: Nothing.

Therefore, i apologize if some emotions leaked out, i didnt mean for it to come out that way. Sorry.

2009-01-08T00:11:00.003+08:00

Skeptic

I have been tinking alot again these days, too much for my own good. Anyways things are now at a rock bottom, and alot of drastic changes took place.

Change number 1 is the need to find project mates, and im doing each project with a different group. Im quite adaptable if i may say so, but its still abit ... you know...

Change number 2 is a change of lifestyle, no more pool or town or going around with the guys after classes, simply because the guys are gone cept for nich who still crashes some lessons. So after skool i have to find something to do, rather then going home straight everyday. Study in library? Nah, maybe i go town alone to walk around or window shop, my frens aint free always like my lecture mates. haha.

Change number 3 is a change in mentality. Some things need remedying, and so when the time is right, remedy the things, rather then leaving it to rot and decay. I got to agree with people, im not myself, but the fact is i am slowly shifting to a more amiable and humble nature, contrarial to what i was. I had a long catching up session with alina yesterday at the expense of EG lesson (its so damn boring anyways.), and i feel happy for her with her gf. Finally she's comfortable and found somebody to make her happy. =)

Oh ya, im growing close to people that i never expected to grow close to in my uni life. I spoke alot to one of them and actually ate dinner with her below my house. Its funny how things bring people together, and its our problems that made us open up to each other. Before you peeps tink too much, we're just frens and she's attached, i have absolutely no interest in her at all for your info. I dun see myself falling for others in the near future anyways, so there.

Okies, back to topic, as i was saying, alot of things and mentalities shifted in me. For example, i used to shun a guy because i didnt realli approve of his flirtatious ways (lets call him KS), but this semester when i saw him, i felt pity for him. I guess how he conduct himself isnt for me to comment as well, and seeing his plight now, i realli felt sympathy for him. sigh, poor fellow.

And i kw people say bad stuffs about me, bad and mean stuffs. What i wanna say is simple, you cant please the world, so im going to heck those people (yes, i know what those people are FYI.). As a matter of fact, what can you do even if u confront them? Come on, these are things that cant be solved. Thinking back, im quite impervious to bad press, but there's one that struck me where it hurts worst. I shall not say where it hurts most, no, its not the dick.

And i've started toking about deep stuffs to ah wei again, and the things he said, although i dun realli agree and dun make sense at all, is still a relief to me. Im veri vexed these days especially since skool has started, moreover this being the final semester, further pressured me. All these things accumalate up and im feeling the weight of things.

If only there is one person that i can fully bare my soul to. These are the times where u want somebody there for you, so you can whine all you like and know that no matter what she will still be there for you. Im not a problematic emo kid lah, but i guess its normal to feel this way sometimes dont you peeps tink so?

Alrite, so as the story goes, jason's story is now moving onto uncharted territories, so wish me luck. I used to believe in miracles, but since no miracle happened to me, i am now skeptical. Extremely skeptical infact.

2009-01-05T01:58:00.003+08:00

Title-less

Just came back from chalet in the noon, and as expected, bathed and instantly lie down flat on my bed. Chalet was fine, and thank god nothing went wrong. Did mostly bowling thruout the whole chalet, but the thought this is the last holidays and semester not just for uni, but for the rest of my life ( cause no more student life mah), makes me carry a tinge of sadness.

Im not emo lah, just abit sentimental. Alot of things happened in these 3 yrs, big and small, good and bad, im just glad i went thru all of them, yes, even the bad ones. In these 3 years, i learnt alot about life and things themselves, im now more 'carved and defined' as a person. I do not want to use the term 'matured', because maturity infact is not a self proclamation. I may be contradicting things mentioned in past entries, but it shows a change of mentality.

And so people of my OG, if you guys and gals around reading this, i wan say thank you to you people for making my uni life so interesting. Though im not realli a good or in anyway nice person, i appreciate you people accepting me for the brunt that i am. Yeah i know we're not like graduating tml, but to me, its seems like it because half the of converted to parttime, so wont be seeing them so often.

Sorting myself up these 3 years, i got a few things realli clear. My career outlook,my passion, my path in life, and most importantly my feelings. And then the age old sentence i always stick by: " Things happen for a reason, and all of the time, the reason always justifies.". I believe i am a true person, and i shall stay true no matter where i ascend to. *touches my heart*

Okays, on a lighter note, ah leong sent me a trance which he says is the top tune for 2008, Lost by sunlounger. I disliked trance in the past, preferring techno to trance, because i tot trance was sickeningly repetitive. Well, nvr would i imagine i would be listening to trance now, smacking myself square back in the face. hahahas. Lost was damn nice lah, it changed my mentality. =)

And now im currently listening to La Guitarra, another song in the top 20 tunes of 2008 list. Extremely nice instrumental tune, i believe its among the best instrumental tunes i've heard so far. Its now the music on my blog, go listen if you're interested, try to appreciate the middle part of the song, where a lone guitar starts strumming, its heavenly. heh.

Alrite, gotta go sleep, tml school starts and i have to wake up fucking early, like 7am? School's a bitch, but i still have to go right? ya. rite. Nitez.

2008-12-25T05:12:00.004+08:00

Merry (not) Christmas

This is a christmas entry, and true enough, its not a realli merry christmas after all. There's so many things that i haven realli done or account for, yet the year is alreadi drawing to an end.

Never mind the new yr resolutions, never mind the things, but this year, although things are in the direction that i didnt want to, i have to accept it. I always tell myself, things are clouded or seem to be disastrous, because there's a reason behind them all. In short, everything happens for a reason.

Toking bout christmas, we tok about presents. In life, sometimes u always have desires and wants, but somethings come with a responsibility. The question is again not whether u can get what u want, but whether u can handle the responsibility. Trying to see things from a alternative perspective often shed light onto some grey areas.

To me, when u wan something, u have to be able to take care of it or be responsible for it. And henceforth, the responsibility thingy, im kinda misty in that sense. Can i realli handle it? I do doubt so sometimes, therefore there's this lack of confidence.

I wanna confess that i kinda tried to lied to myself abit sometime back. Yet this confession is best left untold, i dun wan things to spin further beyond control. Im left reeling back from the aftermath and the amplitude of events. Irony is indeed a trueism of life.

Alrite, was having dinner with nich, eugene and jiaying at bugis just now. Chatted bout studies and the coming semester, complained about SIM and RMIT's admin and system. Yes, i whined about the guy's part-time switch again. Sigh, everything about next semester is alone.

Eat lunch alone, go lecture alone, do project alone (almost), go out alone after skool, sit in lecture alone (mostly) etc. I most prob will develop autism. But well, there's no feast that goes on forever, we do have to live alone sometimes, so yeah, its that solo time again. Just suck it up and get it on, i should.

*Oh yeah, before i go, below is the group picture taken of the medic outing that i was toking bout a few entries back. Since blogger cannot tag, i went to tag the ppl myself. hahaha*

2008-12-17T04:22:00.002+08:00

Music like i said, is my life and i realli cannot imagine life without music. My earphones recently went renegade on me, so i gonna get a new pair before i can listen to my music on the move. So 3 days of going out without music, and i get to listen to noise. Bus sounds, bangla chats, cheena rantings... kinda drives me crazy.

Anyways im glad i joined singing club in school, i effectively joined a bunch of people who are passionate about music and singing just like me. There are alot of people who can sing well out there, its just that they dun sing and hymn on the move. Music is one of the main criteria in my preference of gals, im also generally attracted to people with musical talents.

Why suddenly write about music? simple, because wendy (from my club) msned us and told us to go play an online game, a game where u can perform and sing and people in the game rate your performance. Its funny realli, the off keys and other funny stuffs... hahahasss, but all in all, its realli entertaining. I heard them say, there's this guy tat sounds super like JJ once.

Fate. Something that we dont have control over, i know, because i tried, and she doenst realli seem to smile down upon me. Time. Something tat is rapidly running out with every passing second, and each second passed, instantly became the past. Money. Resource that keeps life going and makes time meaningful, without it, u simply cannot survive. Life. An existence that compels you to juggle worldly responsibilities and other small stuffs within a short lifespan of 60 to 80 years.

And so i concur, we must learn to accept Fate, balance Time, cumalate Money and enjoy Life. Easier said then done. Accepting fate means adopting a passive approach and not fighting for what you want. Balancing time means dealing with the dilemma of time sacrifice between 2 events. Accumalating money and enjoying life are 2 concepts directly reverse of each other, to enjoy life, u have to spend money. There's no way around it, even if u consider eating ice cream as a form of enjoyment, u have to buy tat ice cream. Please do not tell me things like looking at the sunset is enjoying life, u still need money to take transport there. =)

Rotting at home is a perfect lifestyle for a useless person like me. yeah. Im useless to some extend, and just let me stay like tat for one more semester. A student should rot, and im currently fulfilling my duties. Seeing just how hectic and routine life is my frends that have started working, fills me with gratitude that im still a useless student who's onli concerns is getting a degree and .... okay, nvm the last part. so yeah.

Final piece before i go, go listen to Justin Lo's canto song entitled Yi Ju, meaning One Sentence in english. Veri groovy melody and extremely strong RnB flava~~~ oh yeah~~~ its ta flava babeh~~

2008-12-16T03:28:00.003+08:00

Re-enrolment todae was a mess, the admin at SIM simply sucked. And yes, i dislike my course coordinator, she's veri inflexible and i secretly think she have a problem. Aite, shall not complain too much, im supposed to learn how to see things on the brighter side. But still, why did they tell me i can overload 5 modules in my last semester, onli to give me nonsense in the end? What need to apply for simi permission from wat stupid program coordinator and stuffs? Fuck man.

And so todae met the army guys for dinner and booze in the evening. Dinner was at Hip Diner, and the booze at Breks or something like tat. Im not especially fond of alcohol, but its okay with me. heh. Anyways its nice catching up with peter,sean, siong tai and chow wee, i do foresee us doing this all the way till we're 40 plus and married with kids. It kinda makes me glad to see all of them doing fine and getting on with their individual direction in life. =)

On to another issue. Its the bits and pieces that gets to you. They dun realli hurt much individually, but when they come in droves, it starts to hurt. Starts as a trickle initially, and then slowly a river flows forth. And then it precipitates...

Something's wrong with my stomach these days man, its always full of shit. Maybe its the stuffs i ate? There's always this full of shit feel to it man, infact, maybe im just so full of shit literally and metaphorically. yeah, maybe.

Life is like spitting into the air vertically upwards into the air, what goes up, in the end comes down in your face. So when your face gets hit with your own spit, u just have to wipe it off and lament for awhile. And then some chose to continue spitting, while others give up on spitting entirely. Yeah, im randomly rambling on some silly things. argh/

2008-12-12T00:06:00.002+08:00

Recruit Foong

Been reading vanness's blog recently, and its kinda interesting reading how he, an ABC adapted to life in the taiwanese entertainment industry. End of the day, celebrities are still humans after all, they have their pains and struggles in life, so much for beautiful faces and adonis bodies.

Its funny, when u always had lots of ideas and stuffs to blog about, but when you're trying to recap what is those stuffs when u've loaded into the blank screen in blogger, you always forget. yeah, tat's what is happening to me. sigh.

Anyways, went to jurong point new extension todae to take a look at the changes. The expansion retained the architectural culture and feel jurong point itself, with pointed barricades and suspension bridges etc. More shops = more shopping choices (yes, i admit i like shopping. and yes, im 100% man), and what came as a surprise is Old Town Coffee had a branch in the new extension. No need to go till ECP to taste the legendary Old Town White Coffee.

Tml morn gotta wake up in around 6am to join "Jeremy's Tekong Farewell Escort Party". The party consists of me, fei zai and ah wei. Finally the old bastard is going to serve the nation alreadi, he's like 23 and i tink its high time he went in. He's the last guy in the gang to 'go touch tree'. Go for it mee kia, go touch some trees dude. =)

Beside him, thomas and yang zi also going in, but different timing. From here, i remembered the day before i went into army. Everything was so vivid and seems like it just happened yesterday man. I remembered taking a cab with my mum to pasir ris mrt, taking a separate chartered bus to tekong jetty. Joining up with mum at tekong jetty and waiting for the ferry that will take me to an island that i will be stuck on for 2 weeks.

On the ferry, some mums cried and most of the guys look realli gloomy. My side of the story is entirely different, i told my mum dun worry, and im just gonna serve the nation for 2 yrs. Its something every guy should and must go through, so no point getting upset over it. Rather face reality and get on with it, what started will definitely end. And so 2 yrs went past and i ORDed, going on the study in SIM.

My endeavours in Tekong is fun and interesting, making some interesting frends in the process. You get glimpses of politics within the company, and i simply cant be bothered about those silly stuffs. What's the point of putting up a show just so to get into the officer course? I believe in leaving things to fate, maybe im abit unconcerned, but the fact is there are greater things for me to worry then some stupid rank system.

Ah well, its time to sleep, i dun wanna look like a zombie tml morning. Shall TRY to take pictures tml at tekong and post it up here IF i have the chance ( and provided they allow us to bring in cameras). Nitez guys and gals. till another time.

2008-12-05T03:13:00.003+08:00

Answers

Alrite peter, here i am answering ur question.

Question : How would i define a 'good' person.

Answer: A 'good' person to me, need not be prim and proper in various aspects as required by society, i believe what constitutes a person is infact his or her inner self. Inner self meaning the deeper entity that u answer to everyday, or in short, ur conscience.

Your conscience dictates decisions u make with regards to people to people relationships. A basic set of ethics and moral values govern our daily regime (sounds like OB sia... hahah) , and what is right and what is wrong. Alrite, abit like beating round the bush, lets save the formalities and go str8 to the point.

To me, a people are generic in nature, meaning i dun judge a person by his education level or any other societal basis. I once said before, i have frends that are labelled 'bad' company because they nvr study or are involved in gangland activities, yet those are the frends that are the most forthright with issues. Any displeasure they sound out, and once settled its settled.

On the contrary, educated folks tend to keep things to themselves, any displeasure they 'store' and release in 'packages behind your back'. Yes i am educated to a certain extend myself, and yes i do talk bad about people with mutual frends. But i do not backstab people and try to contort things to a form so as to make people think less of them.

So, back to the topic, to me a 'good' person is somebody that do not betray his or her frends, live life with a not-so-tainted conscience (its kinda impossible to live with a pure conscience these days, you most prob did something bad before), straight forward without being tactless and finally fulfill the moral values required like filial piety, loyalty and faithfullness etc.

The above values are not exclusive, there are other contributing factors as well that i cant seem to think of at the moment. So yeah.

And whether im a good person anot is not up to me to judge, but up to people around me. If u ask me from a 3rd person's view, i tink im not a good person, simply because i know all my dark secrets and evil thoughts. But i do agree that my conscience although not perfect, isnt that dark after all. I do complain here and there about people, but i also tell the person i complain in the face about what i dun like about him. Like ah wei, sometimes i tell him in a tactful way about what i tink is wrong. Its onli fair that u let tat person know what is wrong, rather then expecting him to find out for himself. If he knows what's wrong, he wouldnt be wrong in the first place.

There are an area that im veri proud of about myself, and people that realli knows me definitely knows what is it, so i dun wanna declare to people, arbo people will say i self praise. hahahss. Okays, peter, hope it answers ur questions, i wasnt in the best of mood these days, so i overlooked the promise. hahass, told you im not a 'good' person alreadi. I guess that might be why singlehood has chosen me for so long and refuse to let me go. =)

2008-12-01T15:07:00.003+08:00

Sometimes u dig a hole so deep that u find it hard to climb out after sometime. So since there's no way back, might as well dig deeper.

Was catching up with zhengyi ytd over nai-cha (milk tea) at a HK cafe. As usual nice tea, expensive charges. $3.50 for a cuppa, sigh. Anyways, toking to zhengyi made me realized an aspect of him i didnt realli notice after all these years as frends. When we were recapping what happened in our lives these days, we toked about those sec skool hatreds, you know, people like dominic etc.

And i asked him why he didnt realli disliked anybody back then till now. He told me a sentence which i tink was veri matured and true. "Why look at somebody's bad points when u can simply look at the good points and feel better? Everybody has bad points, no one is perfect, if u realli cant get along with somebody, just be acquaintence lor, dun need to hate him one lah."

I was taken aback by his words, because they spoke lots of truth in them. Prejudices arises from your own perspective, adjust your perspective, people might not seem so bad after all. Dominic is noisy and fucked up, but his good point is if he dun like you, he wont hide stuffs and backstab you behind your back. Zhengyi told me all these, and i start to see this other side of him.

You know, close frends are close frends for a reason, it isnt simply fate that allow people to be close frends, takes alot of chemistry and understanding to be close frends. Just a passing thought, nothing in particular.

All the above have no relations to whatever happened in my screwed up life these few months. Dun tink too much, there's no more joke to be shared, no more stuffs to ridicule.

Before signing off, i wanna extend my condolences to the family of the killed hostage. Its kinda unexpected that somebody would pass on under such extreme circumstances. Terrorism is a contagion that is constantly spreading, and terrorists onli know how to terrorize innocent victims. They dare not bring the fight to the main targets, so they strike at the weak and defenseless people. In fact, we're too nice to captured terrorists, they should not be offered 'human rights' because they aint human at all. I dun care for what fuck they are fighting for, but to implicate innocent people just shows what kind of dogs they are.

2008-11-25T02:59:00.002+08:00

End Roll

Been slacking, so nvr blog much, anyways not much to blog about mah. so ya.

When a house is dirty no matter how u try to clean it, that means there are rats around. Despicable rats that go around spreading dirt. No, my house and my room is clean and there are no rats. Go figure.

I finally got the answer i have pondered for so long, and so shall be working on what i should be working on. Training is back on schedule, and lets hope this time the effort will bring more results. I know im a joke, and i always will be laughed upon. But laughing upon someone's efforts? There is no link in part 1 and part 2 of this paragraph. Sorry, thoughts abit messed up todae.

Next semester is the last semester, i do foresee it being another routine semester. There's some problems that surfaced, like who to do projects with since people are converting to part-time, but i guess things will sort themselves out in the end. I dun hate anybody now anymore, not even Ben, not even Dominic, yes, u heard it, not even Dominic. I dun dislike chocolate people anymore, i simply dun wan to hate or dislike whoever, even rats. Its too tiring. Im exhausted.

Master plan for the future: get degree, get job, save capital, start business, X, establish Lam Enterprises, settle down, expand asset range, hand over, retire to Switzerland with wife. Simple and brief, but far-fetched and hard to attain. I shall try my best to follow the above draft map, there's bound to be failures along the way, just need to pick myself up and try again until im successful. Tenacity.

Im waiting for that day, so meantime i just do my part, one day things will clear up. Another issue is my best buddy. I tink i should forget all the past unhappiness and let things fade off ba, im fucked up too, dun forget. Yes, i am fucked up and i do and say the wrong things to people. No i dun intend to mince my words, yes i am fuck fuck fucked up. Admitting u're fucked up is the first step to analyse urself. =)

Okays, nough bout me, todae ah wei texted me in the morning, telling me our dear god sister is pregnant. I was like "wtf?", she's like 19 this year and she's pregnant. Never expected her to be pregnant cause though she's noisy, she's not the mother type. And yes, she's a single mum, the guy ran off. Its bastards like these that makes people's blood boil. U have the guts to do something, u have the guts to take responsibility.

Anyways she's still working with a huge stomach, and i respect that alot. Its not easy being a single mum, much less when she have to support herself and her kid. Yes she have parents, but they also can't help much, its her kid after all. I just told ah wei i will go visit her next week cause this week im working at SITEX. Thinking what she's going thru, reminds me of another gal that i kw who i respect alot. I mentioned her in a previous post, and i realli admire people who have the strength to stand up against all odds.

I guess ah wei and me will apply to be the kid's godfather ba, cfm is a cute fellow cause my god-sis also damn cute looking one. There are greater things then my silly little world, perhaps seeing things in a larger aspect will benefit me more. Lets just discard all the useless memories and misplaced trusts.

Final note: Long entry i know, but lets shed some degree of grey on my blog for now. Sometimes blogging doenst realli serves a purpose, except maybe to pacify the soul of the blogger.

2008-11-08T21:59:00.002+08:00

Mandate of Jason

Its intimidating realli, the process of cutting open urself up and peering into the crevasses known as the soul and the heart. This is the process of self-evaluation. And in this process, i found stupidity, and i cleansed it all.

The nonsense barrage tactic worked extremely well on me, and indeed i did what everybody expected. Ignore and get on with life. I took some time i admit, but im somebody who needs time to get things cleared. All in all, i did not do any nonsense anymore, so that everything will fall into place easily, and i can clear all the shit out once and for all. Yup, area cleaning done as per ordered by frends. =)

I thank those who stood by me and tried ways and means to help me clean myself up, i know you people meant well, so i dun blame you all for demoralizing me. heh. And yup, fate indeed does lies somewhere else like my grandpa says, so the tut tut train is once again heading to another station~~ tut tut tut tutttttt~~~~~

Alrite, back to studies, i need to study more MR. MR stand for Marketing Research, and there's like 25 pages of COMPRESSED notes to memorize and understand. Fuck. Last paper, gotta buck up ba. Now that the brain is empty of stupidity, got more storage to put useful information in.

Called jalene to find job, and although i told her i wanna work those 2 mths temp job at office or bank, she put me go starhub roadshow again. wah lan eh.... but times are hard lah, even DBS is retrenching 900 staffs, so i guess lan lan lor. Well, tinking on the brightside, got free time to watch drama and train mah. So i accepted lor.

Finally, i needa do some finance management man. The cashflow is running dry, and to think i still plan to buy a sofa bed, loft bed frame and a 42inch LCD tv. Dream on man, i tell myself. Alrite, the main purpose of this entry has been reached ( declaration, in case people dun kw), so i shall go watch my XL18P ( Xiang Long 18 Palm, which is infact Legend of the Condor Heroes) now. Gone~~ puff! (I always tot 'puff' was gay, but what the heck. lol)

2008-11-03T01:47:00.002+08:00

男人KTV

[ar:胡彦斌]
[ti:男人KTV]

男人KTV
演唱: 胡彦斌

前奏才刚刚响起
就有人哭红了眼睛
唱着他们的订情曲
对不起提了你的伤心过去

一堆男人下了班不回去
十几个人关在ktv
唱着青春随风远去的回忆
说这年头还有什么让我们动心

男人歌唱给谁来听
下一首有没有你心情
我和你吻别在无人的街
张学友唱出我的情结
男人歌唱给谁来听
下一首有没有你心情
你的背包让我走的好缓慢
陈弈迅那首歌是唱的他自己
男人歌
原来唱的都是不敢说的心情

一堆男人下了班不回去
十几个人关在ktv
唱着青春随风远去的回忆
说这年头还有什么让我们动心哦~
男人歌唱给谁来听
下一首有没有你心情
我和你吻别在无人的街
张学友唱出我的情结
男人歌唱给谁来听
下一首有没有你心情
你的背包让我走的好缓慢
陈弈迅那首歌是唱的他自己
男人歌
原来唱的都是不敢说的心情

[Lyrics from www.yahoo.com.cn]

Mee kia sent me the above song just now, and its a veri nice song. Kinda like a medley of various song, and it realli brings out how men feel with regards to love. We dun dare to say alot of things, like how much we care for family, for our women and our close ones. But its all shown in our actions. Oh, there's a canto version of the song by Ce Tian. Personally i feel canto one nicer, but both are extremely meaningful. =)

Okays, another issue. Im veri bothered that my frends are enbroiled into my nonsenses, why should they suffer and have to make adjustments just to accommodate our nonsense? So yes, its time to end the stupidity.

I have lots and lots to say, but sua ba, abit pointless saying anything since i alreadi chose to remain silent. No amount of explaining can clear the air anyways, its too complex and no matter whatever i do its always wrong.

I should be studying for my SM now, but i tink forget it ba, im gonna watch Condor Heroes 2008. I've been studying for exams in the day, and watching shows at nite, and the good news is, i tink i failed my Leadership Management exams. yeah. =)

Singing club was nice, though i screwed my first attempt singing on stage. Its realli unnerving when i stood on the stage, and as expected, i mixed up the lyrics and the performance was a mess. I sang "Forever Love", and i surprised myself with how bad i sound, my voice was trembly and the vocal projection was fucked.

Sigh, i tink need more practice, i panicked when i got the lyrics wrong, and the reason why i got the lyrics wrong is because i nvr prepare properly. Need to study LM mah, where got time to remember lyrics?

And before i go, replying to Peter, its hard to gauge what is the definition of a 'good' person, because different people values different traits and characteristics. I realised that, and there is no one person that the whole world thinks is 'good'. Its never possible to satisfy the whole world and everyone, its either a person likes u for who u are, or hates you for who u are.

2008-10-22T02:35:00.003+08:00

The Unsung Angel

Been studying abit these days. Going to skool, studying in library. I was down todae, because of a event. Lets just keep it under wraps shall we, i realli hope im wrong, and things are not as i thought.

Im not one to be bothered much with the intricacies of examinations. Read up, practice, go in, come out, wait for results. The usual and all-so-familiar steps i have taken from young till now. Wait, the read up and practice part, maybe just in Uni ba, in poly i simply walk in.

Plagued with despair and quiet unsettlement, life isnt that great to me these weeks. Its hard trying to eek out a sensible life, much less amidst all these daily mechanics. Financially im tight, cant work much due to exams, therefore im currently in the 'trough'.

I asked somebody online whether im a good person, simply because im starting to doubt myself. In fact, im starting to doubt the purpose in life itself. Isn't life itself just a fleeting image? And on a more solemn note, people will leave you, no matter you like it or not. Your loved ones and frends, people around you traverse a perpetual cycle of fate, where when the final entanglement between your threads of fate ends, they leave. I know its kinda deep, but give it some thought, abeit it sounds abit dark.

When im young, around 6 yrs old, i used to think my grandfather will be there for me all the while. He was the one who dotes on me the most, and even though im veri young, i can feel it. He always brought me to the bird park and the zoo, which explains why i feel like going to those places again just to try to relive those moments. I thought things would be fine and dandy, and i will be by his side all the way.

Slowly as i grew up, i find that i speak less to him. As i go about pursuing my studies and daily life, the time spent with him reduced a great deal. And he still gives me money to buy stuffs whenever he came to see me ( my grandpa is rich and drives a mercedes benz), though i dun realli tok much with him. As the years progresses, my grandpa is diagnosed with alzhemier's.

He cant drive to come visit me anymore, and i naturally at that time, the option to go visit him did not occur to me. The only visits were on sundays when my dad is free. I see my grandpa like twice or once a month. And everytime i see him, he seems more and more changed. He starts to forget people and things. Initially he will still smile when he sees us, but as the days progressed, he eventually just sat there and stared into the blank space.

I was still immature and young then, so i dun realli understand the full extent of things. Bit by bit, he lost his usual mental abilities, and deep within, im actually losing bit by bit of my grandfather without knowing it. No tears flowed through this period, as i said i didnt realli understand the extend of things. And then, one night, my mum rushed into my room and told me the grim news: my grandpa had left us.

My dad rushed us to my grandfather's house, and there, i saw the face of person that loves me the most, pale and devoid of life. I went over and held his ice-cold hand, silently whispering beside his ear, telling him to wake up. I told him this in khek(the hakka language), "grandpa, im ah xiang, wake up, im here alreadi.", which obviously doenst help at all. I didnt shed any tears at all, infact i was quite shaken deep inside, but curiously no tears flowed.

The ice-cold hand i held during those moments, made me think of the contrast between the warm and strong hands i held with my little hands when i was young, and how cold it was at that moment. And then i just sat in the living room till morning, not uttering a single word at all, and no, im not tired, i just dun kw what to say. And yes, still no tears.

And then came the funeral. It went pass quite fast i remember, and i was surprisingly vibrant and can still smile at people. I went thru all the rites, and then came the day when we took to bus to the crematorium. Once i got on the bus, i started to feel something leaking out of my heart in trickles. And through the entire bus ride, i kept realli quiet, even when other kids tok to me, i didnt answer, as the feeling got stronger.

My grandfather eventually was pushed into the fire, and everybody around me started crying loudly. Still i kept mum. And then when i got up the bus taking us back, everything spilled out. My tears flowed uncontrollably and i just kept crying till i finally fell asleep. I have never cried so much in all my years alive, and i dun care if a man is not supposed to cry, i just unloaded everything there and then.

My grandfather taught me one final lesson even after he left me, that is nothing in this world is absolute, so always cherish people you have around you now. People can never be with people forever, they come and go like the wind. So either you cherish whatever time you have with them now, or you simply ignore everybody and lock yourself away.

Okays, its getting abit long lah this entry, so i shall be ending here. I feel much better now, i guess bloggin has its benefits after all. Oh ya, i found a place to keep people i love forever, and that place is called 'Heart'. My grandfather will serve to guide me on how to love and cherish my loved ones, never to lose sight of them no matter how busy i am when i go out to work. =)

2008-10-17T01:17:00.002+08:00

Click

Okie dokie, there's some pictures of the outing i was toking about with the poly dudes. They're below! =)

From left: Stuart, KC, Me, Kai Cheong, Wong.

Everybody is the same, except this time round, Wong is taking the pic, and Botak took over his place. hahahss =)

You know, im starting to feel a little compelled. Things kinda stack inside me, and i can't freely type out whatever i feel. Maybe one day i will go completely crazy and type whatever fuck i like with no limitations. Fret not, im not toking about politics and all those things that possibly will put me behind bars. So for now, im still sane, and shall keep everything locked down. =)

Okays, i've been studying abit these 2 days, and i have like 1 week left to my first paper. I dun kw man, im abit emotionless about this exam, i dun kw why, just no feel for it. Sigh, ah well, leave it all up to fate ba, i study abit, then see how things go.

Leave it to fate. Sometimes it hard not to believe there is a greater power that is working behind the curtains. Every move we do is dictated in a way, and whatever barriers we meet, in fact paves the way for a future event. Therefore i realli believe in the sentence blessing in disguise, and bad things, are not bad after all.

Like i have always preached, things happen for a reason. And it is this belief that spurs me thru alot of tides in life. So technically, its like we're walking a predetermined path that we deem is of our own choosing. Its realli complex, but lets just leave it at that then, since its so complex. hahass =)

I always see things in a more mature light these days, i dun realli wanna get involved too much. No point lah, Hong Chen Lai Qu, Zhui Hou Ye Shi Yi Chang Kong. And no, up till now, i still dun tink the choice is wrong. I stick by my choice anytime anyday. 0.0"

I tink bright days are ahead, although im still kinda aimless now. I dun kw why bright lah, but i just feel its bright, get what i mean? Something good is going to happen, at least that's what i choose to believe. Hopefully i get some kinda windfall, cause i desperately need money to spruce up the shithole i call my room. sigh.

Oh, and on a final note, poetic justice. What comes around always goes around. Wait, i tink i toked bout this in the last entry didnt i? I tink i did, im too lazy to check lah, so will be signing off here. Jiayou for exams! (From me to myself, obviously. duh.)

2008-10-15T00:51:00.002+08:00

And then the sky collapses...

Pardon me for the break in updating, im kinda busy these days. Busy as in im supposed to study, yet i went to do other stuffs. Haiz. 2 more weeks to first paper, and im still slacking around. What do i do this weeks? Watch shows, go catch up with frends, work etc...

Watching shows. I followed up on dramas that i haven finished, and true enough, i finished watching most of them this morning, as in watched from ytd nite till this morning. I plan to start on a few new dramas todae, but i tink better dun ba, i desperately need to study. Infact, tinking back, im not a drama fan at all before, i onli started to watch shows after i realised something and feel that i should try to do something about something. So yeah, im quite new to the drama scene. Ah well, at least i got something good out of something rite? =)

Catching up with frends. I went to eat kuishimbo with the poly fellows 2 days ago. Wong, stuart, KC, botak, kaicheong and kok were present. Despite the years, the fellows still retained some of the vaguely familiar feel.

Wong is still quiet yet egoistic in a funny manner; KC still is the undisputed cock fellow; botak dun look tat slim anymore and he still toks too much for my liking; kaicheong is like a thai now, having worked at his dad's garage all the while. Lastly, kok is still the businessman, doing businesses and only aiming cheena gals to be girlfrend. He's known as the cheena killer in the past. hahass.

Seeing them, i've lost my cheerfulness during the poly days. I was the crap king of king in the group, and im the most passionate among them when it comes to crapping. Yet this time around, im quite quiet and i dun realli crap much. Something in me changed, and im glad that my frens are still the same. They still do crap stuffs, like Wong, he dipped sushi and snow crabs in chocolate sauce and ate them. Fucking gross can? hahass!

And like predestined, everybody lead different lives, and for their paths to cross, it takes tons of fate. Each and every frend, u can learn something from them, no matter good or bad, ugly or pretty, tall or short, smart or dumb. People learn things from each other, and you are who you are todae, because of how your frends and family influenced you.

Alrite, besides the exams issue, im growing fatter. I've been having tons of good food recently, buffets, pizzas etc. Therefore, i need to wake up the idea and exercise diet control. Yes, i must not eat crap food for extended periods of time, and please stop me from eating junk if you guys can alrite? =)

On a final note, i tink people are mostly in a chronic denial state of mind. Never mind if you dun understand what i mean, but for those that knows, give it some thought. I can give you examples of this process in practice. Why keep locking yourself in cyclic denial?

Profound simplicity indeed, i am.

2008-10-09T01:11:00.002+08:00

IRC!

I just came back from Genting yesterday nite, was a good trip, though i lost some money on 'entertainment', or to be more specific, the roulette table. hahass

I bought 3 extremely nice shirts back at around SGD$28 per shirt, which is like dirt cheap lor. One thing though, is the service at the restaurants in Genting is exceedingly poor. Its so sad eating there, u pay 10% service charge, and u get crap service. Thankfully, on the last day, we went to eat at a Hong Kong style cafe, and the service there was prompt and good. Like what my frends and i observed, its staff were chinese.

Anyways, it was fun, because we took 600 MB worth of pictures. hahahass. Will post some pics here when im free-er. Im jam packed lah, friday sunday working, and in between i needa go out on thursday and saturday to catch up with my differing group of frends respectively. Not much time to study alreadi. sigh.

Aite, gonna go off le, im IRCing my uni frends while im typing this entry, so im kinda multi-tasking here. Busy busy busy, its so hard trying to live a more fulfilling life and becoming a better man aint it? hohoho.

Jason, signing off. =)

2008-10-02T00:29:00.003+08:00

Limit Break

How much can a man take? I can take alot, but i tink im at my limit. The extend of things is getting to me, and so lets just hit the finale button shall we? Done.

Went to sentosa todae with the OG, was fun and im kinda injured all over. Im sunburned easily, and therefore im like a lobster now. Happy and satisfied todae, the only thing i dun understand is why do banglas like to congregate at sentosa with long pants and shirts?

The onli thing they do is sit around and girl-watch. Waste of time rite? And they like to cut Q, maybe its in their culture? I pushed off one of them when he tried to cut my Q when we were boarding the tram to vivo. He backed off naturally. =)

Was supposed to join meekia and the dogs for steamboat when i reach home, but too shag lah, so didnt realli bothered going le. End up went to lim teh juz now at the familiar kopitiam below my house. We crapped alot and they're all looking to their first trip to Genting. heh.

Neglected training for sometime, now that all projects are finished, i have no more excuse to postpone the shit. hahass. Training is fun, and the most important aspect is the cardio. Cardio coupled with low-carb yields immediate results, therefore must run more, eat sensibly.

Alot of things, time will tell. Applies to all aspects of my life currently. Training, studies, career etc. And time, i emphasize again, changes alot of things. Nothing escapes change, for better or worse, noone knows. What i know is what abilities i have to adapt to changes, and my critical weakness. The critical weakness i have, is a weakness that will follow me all my life no matter how i tried to remedy it. Its the void.

"Break the chains that hold, and therefore break the bonds that bind."

2008-09-30T03:01:00.002+08:00

Its a emo night....

Time and fate. you simply cant stop these 2 things can u? I dun kw where i will be, but i kw where you will be. where you will always be. =)

And so another chapter of my life closes. Tml will be printing MR project, which heralds the end of projects and the start of mugging. Yes, im supposed to be mugging, but im going to genting on sunday for 3 days. hahahass. The government sponsor $275 to go gamble leh, so why not?

My room needs a makeover, as i have always repeated over the past entries. I calculated the total budget the other day when i went to ikea. I need around $2K to get a loft bed, a super comfy sofa bed and a LCD TV. The LCD tv shall be connected to my computer, and then i can divert the dramas and movies i've downloaded to the tv. Thereafter, i can laze around on my sofa and watch dramas in style! Best yet, i should have enough additional cash to get a coffee table and one more carpet (i have on now underneath my bed.). Perfecto!

And so my room will become a condusive environment for drama watching / mahjong playing / sleepovers / project rushing etc.... Thinking bout it makes me happy. lols. But coming back to reality, its a huge project and i need the cash. So i have to find a way to get the cash, since the I-Hub job is fully taken. sigh.

Oh, i cut a super short hair todae. Suddenly feel like cutting short hair, and so i went with mee kia to jh house there to cut. Sibei cooling sia, long time nvr have short hair alreadi. Though its not veri nice, what matters most is i like it. i look like dumb and dumber, but its fine lah, im never those idol look-alike anyways. lets stick to basics shall we? =)

It takes alot to impress me, as i've recently found out. Its definitely more then the surface stuff, its what is within and the substance that constitutes the character. Its useless trying too hard, i simply see thru it all. Only when i find things out myself, shall i be impressed. U keep volunteering information on how good u are, it onli shows how lousy u are.

As people grow up, their mentalities start to change. Some people are still stuck behind, and though u tried hard to pull them along, they simply chose to get stuck. A frendship stuck is hard to remedy, unless the one stuck chose to grow up and catch up.

okay, enough. its time to sleep, i need to reach school by 11am tml. sigh. fuck school. nitez!

2008-09-25T02:07:00.001+08:00

Got this picture from my bro's ex-gf blog.
Find it interesting, so paste here show u people.
Nothing much to blog todae, life is too monotonous....too monotonous....

2008-09-23T18:36:00.002+08:00

Tickling Tick Tock

Im updating my blog in skool this time, not because my net is cut, nono, its because im waiting for the singing club to start. Yes, i went ahead and joined singing club. hahahs, give it a try mah, no harm anyways. I even joined judo club lor. heh

There are some things in life u will never understand. Maybe its never meant to be understood at all in the first place. I asked myself why, but i can never give a definite answer. If i dun even understand my choice, how can people understand? Like the song goes " Im not crazy, im just a little unwell."

Back to normal stuffs, my training resumed with a bang. Yesterday went to gym around late noon, then went to play basketball with the dogs. And by dogs, i dun mean real canines, i meant my trusty 'pig and dog' frends. hahahas.. full of crap and noisy fellows. Bball was nice, realli nice. Its been sometime since i played, and the feeling was great. Our passion was relit by the taiwanese show HOTSHOT, which was surprising, considering hao-siao-ness of the show. Go watch xiao zhu in action, damn funny fellow. hahass

Bought a pair of nerd specs to see the whiteboard better for International Finance class. Mok writes realli badly and the whole lecture strains to make out wtf he is writing on the board. He's a nice guy lah, but its realli hard to see the god damn board.

And i just had dinner a frend. He's as egoistic as ever, though he meant well for me. I disagree with his thoughts, and he's ego is realli hard to swallow sometimes. But i tink at the core, he's not a bad fellow lah, just that he's more extreme mentally. Shujian was with me as well, and i can feel his discomfort as well. hahass. Well, the basis is not considering his ego, he's still a nice frend.

Venture wise, the web skeleton is gonna come out in a few days time. Gonna liase with the various suppliers and if everything goes well, the thing will roll out 2 weeks later. Im comtemplating postponing the launch, cause exams is round the corner and i need ALOT of time to study for finance.

Before i go, as a morbid thought, what do they do with people's blog when they die? Sometimes when u see the news where young people die, they keep blogs mah, so will blogger delete the blog, or will some nice fren keep updating the blog for the dead person? hmms... just a thought hor, im NOT contemplating suicide, so dun read too much into this. =)

2008-09-15T02:27:00.002+08:00

Cyclone and Tornadoes

Took a long hiatus from blogging and basically everyday life. Some stuffs happened, and im too lazy to describe in detail. But all in all, an interesting perspective to life.

Okies, so i bought a wonderful pair of Pedro loafers. They're khaki and im loving every bit about them. Casual and comfy, yet still counts as a formal pair of shoes, best thing yet, dun have to wear socks. Jittao comfy until dun kw father mother. hahahass =)

Next up im gonna get some new clothes, though im kinda strap for cash. Wanna go bangkok, but the political scene there isnt so stable, so technically go bangkok tio bang nia. Then again, they wont possibly slaughter tourists lah, will they?

My main motive in bangkok is shopping, and maybe take pictures of the famous buddhist temples there. Buddhism always has this mysterious oriental feel to it, and its one of the most peaceful religion in my opinion. Anyways, my shopping list includes stuffs like tag heuer watch, LV wallet and various other apparels and accessories. heh.

Oh, and i have to say this, sometimes you get so dissappointed in a frend that u no longer wanna give advice and other significant help to that frend. I know a frend in need is a frend in deed, but when that frend's ego simply overtake all ur attempts to help, you know u have to give up and let that frend learn the hard way.

Its okay to have dreams, but when ur dreams are propelled by your ego and your mentality that the whole world owes u something, its not good. And its okay to be confident, but its never okay to think that you are the best and smartest person in the world. Modesty is a veri important aspect to cultivate, i learnt it long ago and im still struggling to learn it till this day. Remember this, modesty prepares you for failure and if u can't afford to fail, dun start in the first place.

Relating this to myself, i am never afraid of failure. Failure as in non-fatal failure lah, i still am afraid of death, im just a man after all. But in other stuffs like relationships and business and studies and other whatnots, i simply feel no fear for failure. Fail can try again, just keep trying until you make it, things are predetermined yes, but the more times you try, the probability of success is higher. So yeah, just keep trying lor, persevere and you will get there eventually.

And yes, my venture is now under discussion already. I do hope my new venture with my frends will yield better returns then my previous attempt. I never tell people about what im going to do unless they're very close to me, because i dun believe in telling people what u are going to do when you havent even started. Some people feel doing business is prestigious and can show off etc, so they tell the whole world and even say some childish stuffs to people. To me, i rather remain low profile unless people ask me.

Finally, there's somethings i tink better dun anyhow anyhow write, later i tio kio again how? rite. =)

2008-09-04T02:54:00.007+08:00

Romantic Perspective

How do i handle life? How do i cope? Sometimes i do ask myself all these questions. After all that i've been through, i conclude life to be directly related to perspective. How you interpret an event is veri important. And i never believe things to be absolute, never say never.

Failure. Most people view it as detrimental, but to me, failure is simply finding out one way not to succeed. I deeply believe in the logic that noone fails forever. Business wise that is. I have my dream, and i intend to make that dream a reality. My dream? Build my own business empire.

Why do i suddenly wanna tok about my perspective on life all of a sudden? Well, its seems i've seen and thought through alot of things, and i have this huge conclusion about everything. A frend was toking to me about his disappointment in his failure to woo his gal, he was too late, in the end she was attached when he decided he wanted to go for her.

He told me the gal felt something for him initially, but he hesitated and therefore lost the chance.
He told me he was veri sad and he cannot swallow the sight of seeing another guy behaving intimately with the gal he likes. He told me he like her alot, and can't bear to lose her. He told me he was gloomy and upset for a few months alreadi, he cant get over her. Guess what i told him?

I told him the one he was upset about wasnt the gal, its himself. His pride and ego simply cannot swallow the fact that he failed. He wanted to own the gal, he hates himself because he let her go. He hated the fact that he took her for granted and thought that he have lots of time and she will wait for him. So all in all, he wasnt upset because he loved the gal, he was more buay gam luan on losing her to another guy.

I pointed this fact out to him, and i gave him my take on relationships :

1) Noone stays forever, do not take the other party for granted.

2) Since noone stays forever, enjoy and cherish every present moment with her, u never know whether both of you will go the distance, so dun try to prophecize the future, just enjoy the present.

3) Breaking up is not negative, its just that you're not meant to be together and there's a better somebody else that can take care of her. Treasure the memories and the happy times spent together with her, keep them locked up in your heart. When u recall those times with her, both of u can confidently smile and know deep inside that being together was worth it.

4) Rejection isnt negative. Its just a preventive mechanism setting in to protect both of you. One party knows things aint gonna go anywhere, and therefore to avoid future complications and heartbreak and quarrels etc... , he/she chose to pass.

5) If she managed to find someone who's realli nice, dun feel jealous and bitter. If you feel for her, u want the best for her. What matters is she tinks he is the one that can take care of her, and if u like her as much as you say, u would want the best for her. Therefore be happy because she managed to find someone that she realli likes and realli cares for her.

6) Love is free-rein, meaning do not exert control over her. Love is a connection between 2 person, not a slave-master relationship. She have her freedom and she does not owe u anything. Reporting is done volunteerily, its not compulsory. She wanna go club or go out with guys, its alrite, because if she wanna fly, no cage can keep her in. Trust in her and give her the liberty that she deserves.

7) Things happen for a reason, therefore dun jump to conclusions. Give her time to explain herself, everything can be discussed nicely, no point screaming at her. She's a gal, and the basic right of being a gal is the right to be pampered and cared for. Give in for small things, but critical issues, sit down and tok things out. Use a nice tone.

8) Before blaming things on her or other people, reflect on yourself first. Most of the time, u perceived things towards the negative side because you are too self-centered. Her world don't revolve around you, so before pointing out her faults, try to understand yourself and your actions first. (This is the point i told my fren, he was too self-centred to see that infact what he felt was more disappointment then sadness.)

9) Dun dwell on 'maybe's and 'could be's. Dun imagine how good things could have turned out if she accepted you. Understand the fact that there is a divine reason that the-fellow-up-stairs didnt wanna put you both together. Also remember the fact that impossible is never relevant, what could not be now, could be in future. So maybe now is just not the time. But dun think too much, try to move on for the time being.

10) The only certainty in life is death and change. Time is the most powerful entity in existence, nothing can stop it, nothing can change it and nothing can control it. People change with time, noone stays stagnant, people must change in order to survive. Do not blame her if she have a change of heart, she cant help it, you cant help it too. So why not suck it up and move on with a smile. If its meant to be, it will be. An angel that realli belongs to you will fly back to you no matter how far she have flew.

I view relationships as a pool of clear water. I wanna keep it clean and transparent. You can say im naive or childish, but to me, romance should be crystal clear and upheld by trust and respect.

And lastly for some things, i choose to keep quiet and solemn. It's the only thing i can do.

2008-08-31T00:28:00.002+08:00

Work work work...

Not updating much these days. Currently working at COMEX and trying to finish up my project parts, so i dun have much time. Reach home,do project, sleep, wake up, go work. Boring cycle.

Lots of people at COMEX, and yes, loads of customers. Tiring, but its fun, the system is still the same, and the people there are fun, though i stick with Meekia and Rusty most of the time. Im gona sleep soon, tml needa go work at 10am. Fook one, im ALWAYS late for work. zzz

Oh ya, i found out that im regularly being stabbed in the back. But its okay, i can take it whichever way they want it. The 'they' refers to those people backstabbing me from all walks and sectors of life. Im just one fat guy trying to live his life the way he deems it, so what matters is i am satisfied with my life, why should i bother what u people say about me? =)

Lastly, i saw ah-song at the COMEX just now, turns out he worked at starhub before too. I tink im inspired again, so im gonna change again. lolx. But slowly ba, should be a gradual change.

Jason's : This is the last entry that im gonna put in a "Jason's" section. Next entry onwards, everything will be free rein.

2008-08-21T15:01:00.002+08:00

Proximization

Gonna go for IPPT later at khatib camp. Yes, why khatib camp? Because i am a last minute warrior, and all maju camp slots have been taken. So yes, i have to travel from Boon Lay to Yishun just to fail my ippt. fuck.

Im contemplating running in my army boots later in the evening, but it will look damn funny lah. I initially plan to run in boots for a week, then the next week im gonna strap on 5kg leg weights on each leg and plan to jog around with them. Im not as worried bout the torture as im worried bout being the laughing stock of the estate. lol. Shall tell u people on the next entry if i try it. =)

Went to the gym yesterday, and i tink its starting to not work anymore. I used to be sore after training everytime, though the sore period always get shorter and shorter. And todae when i woke up, no sore. Yes, no sore, which means either 1, im not training hard enough, 2, my body has adapted to the routine. Both of which is not good. I tink i need to plan out another circuit routine to simulate the body again. Sigh, troublesome sia.

SAF forced me to cut my hair on monday, and the barber gave me a stupid hairstyle. Its kinda like those dumb and dumber hair style. Sibei ugly and i totally look like a retard. Thanks to wax, i can style my hair till nice nice, so people think my hairstyle is nice, which in actual fact without styling, it sucks. But come to tink of it, im never good-looking lah, so cut wat hair also like tat, who cares?

Reuban says i've slimmed down alot, but i tink he is hallucinating lah. I tink im still the same fat me, i dun realli see any change at all, except maybe for bigger arms ba. What troubles me is my face is still fat. Its not like u train super duper hard, then the face will get slimmer overnight, fats is lost from the whole body slowly, there's no 'target-area' reduction. And the best gauge of whether u are fat anot is not the weighing scale, i have a system.

This is for guys onli. Jump up as high as u can infront of the mirror. After u land, whatever u see still shaking after 3 secs is fats. You have to lose weight if u have pieces on your body that shakes, the more vigorous the shaking, the fatter u are.

For those that know, saturday is LM test, and as usual, i haven started studying. I dun kw, i dun have the mood to start at all. And i tink i wont be going for the night cycling thingy. Dun ask me why.

Alrite, shall not think too much. Its ippt-at-yishun-time! I gonna go bathe le. Cya guys next entry!

Jason's : Its all locked up, please dun dig it out.

2008-08-18T01:12:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow, i will be going for reservist in the morning. Hopefully my OC is a understanding man. Good things rarely happen to me, and i pray hard at least things go smoothly for me this time.

Went out with starhub fellows on friday, infact, its just jiawei, edward yiansin and me for the dinner, and later on sebastian joined us for kopi. Jiawei isnt his usual cheerful self anymore, there's this tinge of solemnness that revolves around him. Edward as usual is leading a charmed life, studying in SMU, a dance enthusiast and a stable 5 yr gf.

Yiansin juz broke off with her bf 2 weeks earlier, but she seems normal. And my best buddy during Starhub days : Sebastian Ng Kian Boon, grew super fat. You know, once he joined us for kopi, the entire mood changed, we were laughing our heads off. Sebas is a veri str8-forward and in-your-face fellow.

If u dun kw him, u will feel he is tactless and rude. But infact, sebas is that kinda fren u need when u need to know the truth. If u're fat, he will tell u u're fat. And what makes him so special is because he's happy with who he is. We told him he grew fatter, and he laughed it off, telling us what matters the most is he's happy though he's fat. Great fellow, but if u cannot stand his honesty, u will think otherwise.

And so they asked bout me. I didnt say anything much, no point saying too much ba. Im juz another 25 yr old guy struggling with life, trying to pay for all my bills and graduating with a degree. Im not a whiner, and i try veri hard not to be, so yes, im trying my best to solve my problems.

*this has no relation to my post*
Fuck lah, why are there ppl tat are SO self-centred in this world. Fuck.

Jason's : Im quarreling with somebody online now. So im abit agitated.

2008-08-15T02:47:00.002+08:00

Lamrim

Monday im going back for reservist. Hopefully can get a deferment, even if i cant, its alright, because i need the money they will be paying me.

For another issue, i got the message in the face. i got the message, dun worry, im not dumb. I mean wat i said, and i will do wat i said.

Back to where i left off, reservist should be quite fun, the medics in my unit are frendly and nice. At least on first impression. Tml will be meeting the starhub fellows for dinner, im looking forward to see how those guys are doing.

I did pretty much next to nothing todae, except for playing basketball with mee kia and the dogs. Tok rot, play ball and do stunts, the usual basketball antics. And at the end of the day, i always go home with calf cramps. sigh.

Im watching fencing now on channel 5, and pardon me if u're a fencing fan, i find it quite boring. Poke here poke there, fun meh? I dun kw man, its not my cup of tea. Basketball and soccer sounds better. =)

And i suddenly developed a interest for buddhist meditation. Yes, meditation. Sit there, breathe in, breathe out. I googled the correct buddhist meditation technique and tried it for awhile. The feeling was quite good, cause i hardly have the time to sit down and concentrate on clearing my mind.

Jason's : Lamrim: The Stages of the Buddhist Path

2008-08-13T01:06:00.004+08:00

Memoirs of a Chinese Orchestrian...

I deleted my previous entry because its too emo. After reading thru, i realised its kinda silly. I say i tried, which infact i didnt, im just trying to run away from it all. For those that read the deleted entry last nite, keep it to urselves ya? thks. =)

Im going back for reservist next monday. My deferment failed, but its okay lah, i wont die if i go back to camp. I know LM test is coming, so if my OC dun defer me, i go inside study LM lor. I tink if indeed i study LM inside camp, i cfm get full marks for the test one. Tear me away from my computer, and the only things i do is study and train.

Im looking at my recent picture taken on monday during the outing, and i like what i see, it looks much better then the fat me 2 mths ago. Im losing weight slowly, and im starting to see some build. =). Oh ya, i show u guys the picture im toking about ba.

Im not trying to act cute, i juz happen to stick out my tongue when the camera clicked. hohoho.

I found a job, working at the upcoming PC show from 28th to 31st of this mth. But thks to my reservist, i cannot confirm with my frend yet, because if i cannot defer, how to work? -.-

Im listening to MATSURI by KITARO now, and memories of my chinese orchestra days during secondary school comes flowing back. I used to play the DI ZI, or chinese flute way back during those days. I might not look much, but im the Di Zi Section Leader lor. Dun pray pray ah. lolx

I remembered vividly how inspired i was during the combined practice. Initially i tot its kinda boring juz blowing on a stupid pipe and the onli joy it gave me was i felt like some ancient swordsman. But when we started the combined practice for Matsuri, there's this unstoppable sense of awe that the combined song instills in you. Same goes for Nan Jiang Jun Ling, or the Huan Fei Hong song, if u guys kw wat i meant.

And so i fell in love with the chinese flute, learning it for 4 yrs before i gave it up when i went to polytechnic. I actually tried to join NP's chinese orchestra, but i gave it up to join dragonboat, where i also dropped out to join NP Strings. I can still vaguely remember how to play the Di Zi, but i tink i lost the skill alreadi. Such a waste man. I was given a good musical start, yet i didnt cherish it. Sigh.

Ah well, time to sleep, tml got lessons on. I shall tell u guys more about myself in the future entries. My life story isnt veri interesting, but at least give me a chance to tell you more about myself. =)

Jason's : I will have to cut my hair during reservist. Fuck.

2008-08-11T01:43:00.002+08:00

Lots to blog about this entry. I've slacked for 3 days in a row, kinda like taking a long break before starting on training again. I guess i will do it once every mth, lets the body recover and unwind before going the distance again.

Candy, a sweet with wrapper around it. Everyone wans a candy with a nice wrapper, but u never kw whether its sweet inside. And in the event theres a candy with a nice wrapper, everyone wants it. But if the wrapper is veri thick and takes alot of effort to peel, they give up and then go on to buy another candy.

And then there are those special few that stayed around to bother to unveil the candy slowly. And when new kids come around and see the candy with the nice wrapper, they also wanted the candy. And so the kid who is slowly peeling the candy is feeling unsecure with so many others eyeing his candy. The kid knows, some kids tinks the wrapper is nice, so they wan it, but when they taste the candy itself, they find its not their taste, they spit it out. So the poor candy is now left alone in the sand. That's why the kid is determined to protect his precious little candy from harm, and promised never to spit out the candy.

The story of the kid and his candy. hahass. just some random story lah. =)

Alrite, back to reality, im tinking of starting a new venture again. Seraphine has became an internal purchasing unit, u know, as in buying in PsPs for auction use. Or so i would tink lah, im not selling PSPs to outsiders le, but if u kw me, i can get sets for u peeps at cheap prices. heheh.

My new venture will be something out of ordinary. A web-based setup as usual to lower startup costs. All the partners have been found, and shall be discussing initial details soon. Whether it succeeds anot, its another matter, i wan the experience most importantly. Will be taking charge of the marketing and purchasing aspects. But have to confirm ba, now haven even tink of the company name yet, better dun tink so far. lol.

I know ppl tat hallucinate. They tink too much sometimes, and they start to hallucinate about how good they were etc. Somethings they say are totally unbelievable and u tend to tink they are just mad idiots. People hallucinate when they are low self-esteem and low confidence, therefore imagining things to consciously lie to themselves. Its sad, but u cannot point out this truth to them, they will hate u and most prob stab u with a knife, because they are mad in the first place. Crazy fellows.

Lastly, there are egoistic ppl in the world that needs to be taught a lesson. He tinks he's a strong fighter, he tinks he's all mighty and everyone is afraid of him. Better wake up from the dream man, u can be taken out as easily as an ant. When people dun say anything, dun take it that people are afraid. Believe me when i say, if somebody wants u to die and not be caught by the law, there's a thousand and one ways to do that.

So wake up the idea, and start to control ur ego. If u meet people i have met, u wouldnt tink u are the best in the world. For example, there's my good fren who aims people's families instead of them. He will harass those closest to you like your parents of your siblings, because he tells me, a person's weakness is his kin. No man, no matter how strong and great, will b reduced to a crying wreck when his family is slaughtered.

My fren is mad rite? Dun know why, but i know mad ppl like these. They are the ppl with the tendency to become those serial killers man. But its heng i know these mad fellows, that i understand the fact that we are just small people in a huge world populated with mad ppl. I would rather just stick to my beautiful little world, then to be egoistic and get slaughtered. Best thing yet, they dun need to go to jail, cause they are mentally unsound. Shen jing bings...=.="

Jason's : Do your chain hang low? Is it white or is it gold? yo yo yo~~

2008-08-08T01:47:00.002+08:00

Virgin Pic....

Okays, so this is the first picture i put up which feature myself. Dun complain lah, i dun take much pictures, so this is like kinda rare. (I know, i got big face. =.=)

Todae went back to camp for refresher course. Got poked in the arm as usual, IV isnt pain at all man, its juz a hot feeling in ur arms with blood flowing out. No, its not gross, its a life saving skill mind you. lol

While shitting in the toilet this afternoon in camp, i though about lots of things. And i officially grew up one notch. I will find a job, earn some cash to play stocks and most important of all, i need money to pay my bills!

One more thing i must say, i tink i dun realli show much care and concern to my frends. There's alot about them i dun kw, and im ashamed to say that. Why do i tink this way? Because i know of a person that cares alot for her frends, yet doesnt verbally express it. She always does it in her own quiet way. And that's just one of the reason why i respect her so much, she does things with no motives at all. Perfect gal.

And to anonymous who tagged, you're right about mazlow's theory. But to me, shouldnt we look back at how blessed we are to start in the middle of the hierarchy, where we dun have to worry bout our basic needs? Ah well, i gonna go sleep, tml need to wake up at 6am. sigh. nitez babe.

Jason's : Training is a part of my life. I alreadi slacked 2 days le. hahass =p

2008-08-07T02:13:00.002+08:00

不要哭

How strong can u be? Before u say anything, if u say u are strong, then u are mostly not. Why do i say that? Because i know of veri strong people. Emotionally. Respect and admiration is what i have for that person. If its me, i most prob would have gone crazy alreadi. Anyways this information is privy, so i shall not say anything more.

Im veri disappointed with myself, i sucked. Why am i so shy. Wah lan eh, not rite lah, where is the courage? Why can people do something so normally and yet i cant? Lots of why, and the main problem lies with me, im afraid. 我怕她生气 .

SM project deadline is on friday, but im taking it easy. I started todae, and im supposed to be doing it now. Whatever im supposed to do, im definitely not doing it, cause im blogging here rite? yupz, i officially hecked my project for another day. Tomolo will be the last day, i tink i will do it tomolo ba. yeah, tomolo sounds good. =)

Tomolo will be going to the gym if my body recovers in time. Supposed to run todae, but in the end played game with the guys, so running is deferred to tomolo evening. I tink i go gym first, then go swim in the noon. Evening go run ba. I wonder got so much energy anot sia. Ah well, tml do my best ba.

Do my best. The motivational phrase during self-talk sessions before lifting weights till exhaustion. I always ask myself this before the last most xiong rep-- > " Can you go all the way?" . I will answer myself softly --> " I dun know, but i will do my best." And i always managed to endure till the end. I guess its more of small training talk ba, u kw, u needa motivate urself abit verbally. lol

Well, i once said, my problems are all veri insignificant compared to other ppl's. Gals, fats, studies all are juz problems u dig out for urself. Some problems are pushed rite into your face, u have no choice at all. Like providing for your family etc... Im now at the age, where some of my frends are married, or the sole bread winner for the entire family. Some are not educated, so they realli slog it out to support their families.

The above are people i respect fully and totally. Not some rich bastard that drives a sports car and the dad pays for every single fuck thing. They might have the prettiest gal, hottest car and biggest bank account. Hang them out to dry with no fatherly-funding, and u see a helpless weakling whining to god.

Why the sudden tulan-ness? Because todae somebody told me a guy in class said he looked down on people that work and study at the same time. He says wanna study must study full time and whole-heartedly, not work and study at the same time. Wow. So he mean taking his dad's money and leeching off his dad is respectable? I tink this fucktart dun realised tat there are some people out there that cannot afford the fees, therefore have to work and study at the same time to pay for skool fees.

If i heard the guy say this kinda thing infront of me, i cfm fuck his ancestors till they jump out from their graves. Be grateful that u are blessed with a family that can pay for ur fees, dun go around looking down on people that cannot afford the fees and thus need to work. Being educated and smart doesnt make u above everybody, so wat if ur results are good? Weakling. Pui.

Why are there so many fucktarts out there sia, how come some kids never grow up even after army? Im supposed to be meditated and have a heart reminiscent of the open ocean, but i simply cannot stand this kinda of nonsense.

Jason's : Im just a shy little boy lah.

2008-08-01T00:35:00.002+08:00

Fuck you Ben =)

Lots to tok about todae. Went to sing ktv with rei, nich, vivian, jeanette and clarice. Enjoyable trip, screamed out lots of songs and i kinda went crazy halfway thru the session. lol. Its been sometime since i've shown my other crazy side. So yeah, its fun. =)

Training wise, im quite satisfied because i stick to my regime regularly and tml is gym day again. heh. Im tinking of incorporating another aspect into my program, like throw in a few push ups and sit ups in the morning before i go wash up. yeah, shall do that, i will feel healthier tat way too.

I heard from the guys that ah tan's appeal failed, and im starting to worry bout my deferment. Sigh, if mine fail too, then i have to go back for 12 days, and i shall have trouble catching up with my projects. Or maybe not, cause personally im also a last min person lah, so after all the previous 'last minute' trainings, i have no trouble rushing out stuffs. So yeah, go back then go back lor.

You know, in the past, i will feel uneasy when i get to know some other guy is trying to woo the gal i like. But that kinda mentality slowly dissolve away as i grew up. Why? Because its too dumb lah. You are alreadi so preoccupied and busy trying to get her, u where got the time to care about all the other guys and what they are doing? If its meant to be, then u just do your part, things will move naturally in your favour, if its not to be, then even if u kill all your competition, she's not gonna be yours in the end rite?

My bro brought back a fortune telling bottle todae, yeah, u heard rite, its a fortune telling bottle modelled after those sticks-throwing-bottles in chinese temples. Kinda interesting, so i gave it a try. For the 1st question, i asked 3 times just to make sure, the answers are 'why not?' , 'yes' and 'yes.definitely' respectively. Im not veri superstitious lah, but still kinda happy in a childish way. hahass.

And the answers were also positive for the following questions. I asked whether i will be rich, and its a resounding yes! hohoho, but i know lah, this kinda thing, play play onli, whether i make my mark in life is up to myself, not some stick-spewing bottle.

I did tell u people im gonna pack my room rite? This time, im gonna revamp my room, meaning buy new stuffs and repaint my furniture. All that i gonna happen indefinitely though, meaning when im free lah. So many projects and reservist stuff to add to my worries, i dun wanna curse, but its like totally fuck-the-up lor. zzz

*Extremely vulgar paragraphs, do not read if u are allergic to vulgarities.*

Sometimes things are so coincidental man, i just quoted ben as a example last entry, and yesterday i heard something new. This fucktart was rejected by my frend in the past, and he went to tell ppl he was the one who rejected my frend. Aiseh, ben is indeed a hallucinating piece of shit man. I alreadi fucking dislike him, and after i heard this, i seriously feel there is something wrong with his upbringing. In army he is fucked up, nvm, i can understand, in school he asks gals tactless stuffs, nvm also, maybe he's dumb lah. But spinning up a story to cover up being rejected? Wah lan eh, not i wanna say lah, tio reject then fucking swallow the fact lah, knn go bluff ppl for fuck?

I hate the kind of guy like ben. If u have balls, u can take rejection. Its alrite to be upset, but get the fuck over it and live life like a man, when ppl ask u are u rejected, u just say yes, or if u wanna save ur tiny ego, just say 'she tinks we're not suitable lah, so yeah, it didnt turn out well' lor. Why go tell other guys that u are the one who rejected her? Ur dick feels better? Your ego feels better and u got more face? When the truth gets found out (like now), isnt it worse?

If u are a despicable mutha-fucker, its alrite, but coupled with a lack of brains, u simply are a total failure in life. Wanna be a villain, learn from the Joker man. Ben Kaw, if by some chance u are reading this, wake up your idea please and get a life. You WERE REJECTED. Get this into your fucking brain. And dun bother telling tales to other ppl in lecture, i know of at least 20 people who want u dead. So yeah, go fuck the lamppost or mailbox or watever your non-existent dick can fit into, quit lying to people ya? Finally, go listen to 'My Dick' by Mickey Avalon, totally describes you as the little kid. ~~My dick is like a bridge, yours is like a little kid's~~ =)

*end of vulgarities*

Okays, those who read regularly knows im a nice fellow lah, i dun get angry easily. And my tolerance level for nonsense is actually extremely high. Whatever happens, im onli violent when im protecting people i love and care for, any other cases other then those, im dirtying my hands.

Alrite, gonna sleep alreadi, tml waking up early to go gym before heading to skool for project. Ciaoz!

Jason's : Non-routine violent streak.

2008-07-30T01:42:00.002+08:00

Stagnant Water

Todae wasnt so routine. Supposed to wake up early to go gym this morning at 7am, but i woke up at 7am, sat on the bed for 5 mins, then suddenly i concussed. Next thing i kw, i woke up at 9am. gosh. I had a sudden loss of consciousness for 2 hrs, hahahass.

Anyways, had lecture todae, im late as usual. Marketing wasnt veri interesting, lectures are not veri interesting in general anyways. And then there was project discussion. The thing about project is, they're quite interesting although tedious. U kind of get stuck everywhere and u have absolutely no idea how to start. Ah well, things always seem to straighten themselves out and deadlines are always met rite? yeah. =)

Supposed to join the guys for a run, but remember i have to go gym? So i rushed home to get to the gym before they close. Evening gym is fucking crowded man, i dun wanna try it again. And there's this fucker, i put my towel on the machine to 'book' the machine cause im going to get a drink, its like 5 seconds? Tat cb took my towel, put on another machine then snatch my machine.
And so, when i came back 5 seconds later, i gave him the meaningful stare, and i was supposed to ask him what is his father's name. Yes, i wanted to make sure his dad wasnt lao lee before i whack him. But, i didnt do silly things lah, i was kinda chuckling to myself at my crazy violent thoughts. And so i stand beside him and waited lor, wat to do, im supposed to be grown up and not quarrel over small things. Yes, this blog is a place where i am childish and i can vent my violent intentions. muahahahah

And todae's training was kinda tough, cause after the day, i was quite drained, but nevertheless, trained till muscle fatigue, focusing more on the arms. The next session shall be toning, so wont do heavy weights. And kert just reminded me, i gotta do more cardio. So my new schedule will be gym and roadwork one day, swimming the next. Yupz, more cardio, i need to lose my round face, its making me damn depressed. hohoho

Just a random thought on the bus home, there are people in the world that look down on you, and give negative comments. To me, these people are there for a reason, to spur u on and test ur patience. Some people think they are so hunky and stuff, but deep within their souls, wat are they made off? Im not a veri clean soul for your info, but i do not look down on people. No matter how fucked up i am, i will never look down on a person, unless of course, that person is totally fucked up. Ben is a good example.

And so, there's lesson tml, and tml is wednesday! yeah! Thursday there's a 30% chance of going k-ing, because ppl might fly aeroplane last min, so the status is like KIV. Ah well, me and my boring life. Oh ya, before i sign off, gotta tell u people one more aspect to add to my travelling dreams.

Im gonna start a travel-blog when i start to traverse the globe when i have the cash. You know, go everywhere and take pictures and find out more bout the culture there, then post it all up in a blog as a sort of album. hohoho, tinking bout it makes me excited man, i love travelling.

Jason's : If only i am him.

2008-07-28T02:46:00.002+08:00

- - - - - -

Sometimes, in life misunderstandings happen, and some misunderstandings are veri hard to clear up. U might not think they are misunderstandings, but have u ever given a chance to the other party to explain?

Normal life as usual, went down to run just now. The same old usual route, i tink the next run i will go explore NTU ba, its mostly upslope, so the resistance will be greater. Wasnt veri effective these 2 days, supposed to be on low carb, and i kinda ate chicken rice. sigh. Where is my determination man....

Will be heading down to the gym tml as usual, and i always feel veri excited and happy to train, i dun kw why. Maybe its the feel good factor after every work out, or maybe im juz trying to occupy myself with some thoughts to distract me from tinking too much. Ah well, watever it is, it makes my training more effective in a way.

A quiet nite tonite, as is every nite. Looking around my room, i am realli freaking disorganized and untidy. Papers lying all around, clothes strung all over my bean bag. I tink i needa pack my room sometime soon. Lots of things plaguing me now, the projects have started unofficially and the fucking reservist matter havent been settled yet.

Im always fucking tulanz when i tink about the reservist thingy. I just wanna study in peace man, not wear green and go sleep with the mosquitoes. Fuck my CO, hope his dick grow mushrooms. Fuck.

And so, as i was saying before the vulgarity outburst, i needa pack my room. Oh ya, i watched Harold and Kumar, both the movies were damn funny and i had a good time laughing at kumar's antics. And i was sooooo damn impressed by how kumar scared the shit out of the old auntie on the plane. hahass, u guys should go watch it, the full name of the movie is Harold And Kumar : Escape From Guantanamo Bay.

Tomolo shall do my projects. I dun wanna piss my frends off. The other day, i tot it was SM group project meeting, which turned out to be MR, and so i was fucked by the guys. Heng it's with the guys, i can imagine i will literally die if its... ah well, gotta organize myself and get my shit in position. Projects here i come.

To end todae's update, i shall tok about my day todae. Interesting rite? Went to have brunch with my mum and grandparents at bukit merah market. And as usual, the chit chat with old folks never fails to amaze me. They always have gems of knowledges to impart to you. And as things go, my mum was complaining about me not having a girlfriend. And my grandfather said something quite interesting. He said in cantonese : " 缘份未到.".

Jason's : Im out of gas finally. Let god take over my fate.

2008-07-25T02:52:00.003+08:00

Bird Bird!

I rarely blog these days, due to the simple fact that i have a drought on ideas and topics to blog on. If i blog about how much i like her, u guys say i am too crazy over her. If i blog on politics, i might a free stay in changi. Worse still, i might blog something that piss people off and they will come kill my whole family. So ya, i will stick to telling u guys my daily life and bore the hell out of u peeps. =)

Todae went to gym as usual, trained hard, but not hard enough i guess, though i trained till muscle fatigue. I know i shouldnt rush things, so wat to do, go home lor. Will be running tml evening, and most prob swimming on saturday if the weather permits. Training is now part of my life, and there's one other thing i wanna make a part of my life. Okay, im not supposed to tok bout her tis entry. hahass.

And in the evening, i went back to NP Strings, my old guitar club at Ngee Ann Poly. I dun kw almost everybody there man, im realli getting super old, and its been like 3 yrs since i realli went back to take a good look at my club.

I went on a tour of sorts, i was the onli guitar alumni there, and i kinda patrolled around like some VIP on inspection. lolx. I hope i wasnt a irritant lah, i was walking around tinking about the good old days, when i was still kiddish and in my 18s. All the things that happened at every corner slowly floods into my mind.

The staircase outside the clubhouse: I asked somebody to be my gal here, and i repeated 3 times before she got the msg. hahass

The music room where we practiced: Where most of the memories are, spent a dark nite here with a ghostly encounter, cracked stupid jokes here, practiced hard for concerts here etc. And yes, i met corinne here.

The store where we stored the equipments: Stupid place, hot like fuck with no ventilation. Used to be and still is a rubbish dumb.

The clubhouse : place to slack and hold meetings. i remember the quarrels the committee always have, and i used to chuckle at one corner at their anger. I mean come on, got need to quarrel meh, tok nicely lah. And the hole tat the 'supposingly' veri furious derrick or derence or watever-his-name-is punched in the wall is no longer there. Dumb fellow. totally stupid.

So you see, though the place is kinda small, lots of memories came back to me when i was looking at the old pictures of NPS during my days. I wasnt a cam whore, so i didnt have much pictures, but those few i have, i was realli fat sia. (I know, im still fat now. haha)

Didnt tok to those people i dun kw, im now anti-social. weeee. So like i was saying, i listened in on their practice for the upcoming concert, and i must say, i am disappointed. The standard isnt there anymore and the ensemble wasnt realli tat great. Im not good i know, but still i must say, they realli need to buck up, they have 1 mth left to the concert. sigh.

Going to skool tml to do project. Haiz, sibei sian, need to go back to skool all the way to do project, yet lan lan must go back. I kinda tot i can go swimming tml afternoon lor. Nvm, dun whine, project must do, its a responsibility to my group.

Going low carb again, though i just ate nasi lemak juz nw. Argh. That officially means i cannot touch any starch for the rest of the week till next friday. wah lan, fuck me. From now onwards, no starch or sugar, or its suicide for me. And yes, i will start to drink iced kopi-o kosong before every training session to get some caffiene into my system to aid metabolism. =)

Jason's : It never was a crush. Im serious.

2008-07-22T01:38:00.002+08:00

Juiced

Again the wheels are moving, and again i feel sick and tired of change. I dun kw man, seriously i dun kw. But like i said all along, im quite certain this time round. Veri veri certain.

In financial need again, as usual. sigh, and im such a nice fren, i even forked out my last $50 to help my fren with his website. yeah, its hoohaa.com. And those reading my entry, if u people wanna join hoohaa, put my nick aegisx as the referrer, and that will entitle u to 5 additional bids on top of your 20 per mth.

The various parts are growing, and i like how i look in the mirror. Day by day, after training, the shape kinda jumps out of my lard slowly. So now i need to keep buring off the lard and building what's underneath, with time, will definitely get sean faris or christian bale's body. Or so that's i try to motivate myself lah, dun laugh at me. hahass =p

Went to look for my MP again regarding my deferment for this semester. Why the fuck do my CO keep forcing me to go back man, do i seriously look like i enjoy giving up studies and go rot in camp with uncles? Sigh. Why must the stupid reservist clash with my semester man, just fucking post me into a unit with the other tertiary dudes and i will gladly return to serve the nation. (My MP Alvin Yeo is a veri nice fellow.)

Tomolo is will be having marketing minor in the morning, and then go NP to train in the afternoon, after tat go for international finance class. Thinking bout training makes me excited man, im looking forward to sweat and train. heh.

Oh ya, i nearli forgot, tat day i went to SIP's outing, and knew a few new people. The president eugene wasnt a bad guy i realised, im juz prejudiced because of my own judgement lah. And as usual there's edmund, the hyperactive guy from port dickson. He toks lots of rot and craps, kinda funny because he always embarass himself infront of people. Hahasss

And edmund asked me one question which i did not answer. "Why you dun speak to the gals one?". I kept quiet and walked on, ignoring him. I mean, what's there to tok about? I just find it a chore to ask people stuffs, im starting to tok less these days, because im afraid i might say the wrong thing.

And there's this fat fellow who is quite interesting. I forgot his name, though he added me on facebook, but he looks totally like a uncle. Surprisingly, he conducts himself well, and his craps are quite high leveled, takes a smart person to laugh at his jokes. He got charisma, that one i give it to him. Those ang moh type of charisma with your homely uncle physique. hurhurs

And then there's tsai or sai or watever is his name lah. He's from myanmar though he looks like 80% like an ang moh with black hair. Stick thin, veri unique dress sense and i tell u man, he is one pretty boy. Im not gay, but i cant help noticing he looks extremely pretty man. Huge eyes, small mouth, sharp nose, wah lan eh, tis is the first guy fren i have that looks super pretty sia.

Finally there's this indonesian chinese guy called joker. Yes, the pronunciation is joker, though i dun kw how to spell his name. Speaks chinese (duh...) and urm.... tat's about it. Nothing impressive about him, loves to grab attention though. So you see, i keep quiet in a crowd, but i am veri observant.

What else to update u people... hmms.... business wise, i have lots of opportunities all of a sudden. People are asking me to help them out. Most say they trust me, but i tink they cant find other people lah, so have to settle on me ba. A frend asked me before, why dun i strike out and start something on my own?

To answer that question, i realised im not ready to go solo yet. There's alot i have to change, especially my lazy attitude. Going solo means u are responsible for urself, and i dun give much emphasis to myself. I will feel responsible when im doing stuffs with people, cause i feel they trust me and i should do my best to uphold that trust. Alone by myself, i onli have to answer to myself, so yeah... -.-

Jason's : Every song tells a story, will i write my story into a song?

2008-07-12T12:30:00.002+08:00

突发奇想

突然之间，我竟想以中文来记录这次的日档。这几天以来，我更加肯定我真的爱上了训练。每天都想着去跑步，真他妈的，如果我早一点有这种思想，我早就已瘦下来了。言归正传，昨天和同学们去看 “赤壁”，很不错的一部片子，虽然有些地方做的有点跨张。奶奶的，关张赵三名猛将就将两千名士兵杀个清光。哇靠，有够变态。

开学以来，我每天上课时都很开心，虽说都是一样的人，一想到每天都有东西做，就有一种无名的喜悦。当然，能让我最高兴的，也只有一个人。 *笑*

反正贤着，就把一首老但很猛的歌贴给大家过阅吧。这首歌是澳语的哦！

我有我路向
成龙

词：黄沾曲：李宗盛

大时代放眼望急风中
我要有我路向
我有我小岗位
我有我美丽梦幻小小理想
这世界云迷雾障
去试试我志向我有我主张
对准风暴挥出每滴能量

大时代远路更长天风中
我有正确路向
我有我好岗位
我有美丽梦幻好好理想
这世界重重路障
更要试我志向我有我主张
不奢望只想发热发光

自由自我匹马单枪
那管东方西方北方我奋身上
全力去尽我心爆一声笑声
毋负你满心渴望
未惧万难不怕苦干
淘尽我我满身力量

凭我匹马单枪我东方西方北方
我奋身上全力去尽我心
一声啸响男儿又爱你满心渴望
莫负热望重望万难千困我干
淘尽我我满身力量
流尽我浑身血汗

阿蓝：这首歌，越听越猛！

2008-07-07T01:01:00.003+08:00

Royal Ramblings

Todae, i got a question to ask u peeps. Do you think that there is another person who looks exactly the same as you, living somewhere else in the world? Its abit crazy to be tinking bout such things when everyone is like so stressed up with life itself. hehe. But seriously, if there is indeed an identical person, then the onli thing that separates us is our personality. Personalities are unique, might be similar, but i dun tink its possible to find 2 persons that behave, eat, shit, sleep and perceive in the exact same ways. Even twins dun do that, do they?

I once said i like to look up into the skies, simply because im quite intrigued by the fact that no matter how different we are, whether we are frends or enemies, sad or happy, we are still encompassed under the same sky. That's why there's this saying that as long as the sky havent caved in on us, nothing is too hard to accept and swallow. Life itself is a paradox, as well as a pandora's box. We humans are governed by our paradigms, and mindsets are contagious, if u're happy, ppl around naturally get happier. At least that's the crap going on in my brains lah. tch.

Alrite, no more serious stuff. Now lets go to the more cheeky things in my life. Muscle-head nich (aka kert), jordan and weiliang are avid lovers of everything thai. Kert is half-thai, jordan was posted to thailand during his NS, so i tink its normal he like thailand. But for weiliang, i dun realli know man. lolx. I do agree thai gals are hot, the 3 above mentioned fellows keep preaching to me how wonderful and frendly they are, compared to singaporean gals.

Im closer to kert, and he's kind of subtle lah, as in tell me abit bout how thais function and their culture. Jordan, i haven contacted him for like ages, and i remember the last time we msned, he also told me he's cfm getting a thai wife. As for weiliang, he came back from thailand and then he's a thai convert.

He says the gals there woo guys, not like in SG where guys woo the gals like crazy. He's abit masochistic i tink, u kw, a MCP, so i aint surprised he's attracted to them lah. He's at the same time trying to convince me to give up. But i told him, i like sg gals, no matter how kiasu they are, how dao they are, and how materialistic and unreasonable they are. Come on man, these are the womenfolk we grew up with, if we cant handle them, how do u wanna handle the society in future?

And so yeah, im a purist. Only singaporean gals. I want somebody that can appreciate laksa and durians, complains alot about the ERP, employs singlish during conversations and rushes for the occasional sale. No need warm and frendly lah, face the facts man, if ur gal is veri warm and veri frendly, u can take it anot? Jealousy sets in, and u get screwed. So remember, if u wan her to be sociable, make sure u can accept her sociability. =)

The picture below is a thai gal that i tink is damn pretty lah. Her name is Nun Woranuch. Ironic that someone called Nun is such a pretty lass. hurhur. But yeah, she's damn pretty. Notice her big eyes, im a sucker for gals with big eyes. lol

With that, i shall end my incessant ramblings tonite. Tomolo morning gonna go gym again, which is like my weekday morning hobby these days. And to the anonymous guy that tags my blog, be more confident ba, dun try to understand how things work in the world, most of the time, they aint meant to be understood. I once said this, and i stand by this : " If somebody likes you, they like you for who you are no matter how you portray yourself."

Jason's : Smoke gets in my eyes~~

2008-07-06T00:43:00.003+08:00

The Black Lotus

Im in a crisis now. Fuck man. I just hope the additional weight is muscle mass, and not the fats coming back. My body shrinked, but my face is still kinda round leh. Sigh, yet again something within me tells me tis all takes time.

The tears of an angel. This is one picture i find to be damn cool. I paste here show u peeps ba. heh. And before i forget, credits to coolchaser.com and diane, the author of this picture.

This is the type of photography that i wanna do in future when i have money. The crystallization of a moment in time, where the feelings and emotions of a particular person at a specific time is captured. (but i tink this picture is photo-shoped lah, hahass.)

Alrite, now onto what i did todae. Went to kembangan to help out at a family event in the open field. Its fucking hot and my face is fried, yes, its tomato red nw. Was pumping balloons at the booth using a balloon pump, and we did a realli silly experiment. We inhaled helium gas and our voice instantly became those cartoonish voice. lols

i dun kw how come helium changes ppl voice, maybe later i go google it up. Its realli hilarious lah, when grown men sound like some sissy cartoon character. hahass. And then the job itself was veri veri tiring and taxing, we're like standing all the way and the kids flock in to get balloons.

Its kinda sad to see the parents teaching the kids to take ALOT of balloons, u kw, kinda like impart the kiasu attitude to them during such a young age. The Q is alreadi freaking long, and then they wan like 5 balloons? Singaporeans. sigh.

Overall todae was quite an experience lah, though its quite shiong. I believe no matter how hard the going gets, we always get to learn something from each and every event. There's no 'vegetables' todae, the onli 'veges' there are 'bean sprouts'. Anyways im still onli interested in 'black lotus', so i dun realli give a damn.

3 more days to first day of skool, kinda happy, but abit sian after realizing i needa spend tons of money on textbooks. Next semester have lots of theory modules, so need textbooks... or maybe i hiong ba, i get LM and SM text nia, the others fuck it ba. hehe.

People laugh, ppl ridicule. I even once doubted myself. But its my choice, so i shouldnt be doubting myself. They can laugh, they can ridicule, i made the decision, i chose my route. Strength of character and will is something i lack in the past, so im not gonna give in anymore.

Reservist, its back to bug me, and as usual, my application got rejected, so i appealed. Most prob will get rejected again, and then i shall do the usual stuff, go find MP again. I dun realli feel wonderful, having to keep seeking the help of my MP for a deferment so that i can concentrate on my studies and projects. Its like finding someone of higher authority to pressure on my CO, i dun realli wanna do that man, but my studies are definitely more important, so yeah, gonna use authority.

Sunday run, monday gym, tuesday swim. Wednesday whole day of lessons, though its all RMIT visits, so i foresee it will be kinda useless. Overseas lecturer visits are a complete waste of time, i tink they should stop this practice man.

The life style of the rich and ang-moh educated. Pretty gals, clubbing nights, flashy cars. They onli shop at label shops, and their rooms are like a mini apartment. Was reading up on some of their lifestyles, and i do have some opinions on them. A black lotus is one in a million, rich red roses are all around. I choose rarity over quantity anytime.

Jason's : Of kids and balloons and helium gases.

2008-07-04T03:39:00.003+08:00

NTT-Docomo!

Richie overslept todae, and therefore i was gyming all by myself. I seem to be doing things all by myself these days, and i have a crazy habit nowadays. Whenever im bored and have nothing to do at home, i will go do roadwork. U know, kinda jog for 10 mins, then stroll around neighbourhood for 30 mins.

Went to drink kopi with richard and do some catching up. He's attached to a gal now, half-indian, half-chinese, or so i remember. I kinda told him bout my worries, and he gave me a veri good analysis and advice. I can always depend on him to help me sort things out, what he says might not be pleasing to the ear, yet they always make sense.

The details of our little talk, i shall keep it secret. Lets just say he kinda put be back on the right track, and reminded me of who i am. Mentality wise, he's among the more logical and matured frends i have.

Frends, sometimes no matter who they are, they say some veri fantastic stuffs. At least my close frends are abit unpredictable. For example ah wei, whose pride is high and absolutely nobody can make him admit he's wrong. He once told me something on the bus home when i was complaining to him bout fei zai's irritating attitude. Ah wei : " We are frends for so long because we accept each other's shit mah, i have flaws, u have flaws, so the reason why we're good frens is simply because we accept and endured each other's shit."

wow. so veri true.

The next section is about my regrets. I have 2 regrets plaguing my mind right now, one of them is for terrorizing adeline as u ppl knew. lolx. But its resolved lah, we're now good frens and i realised she can crap alot man. The other regret isnt so easily resolved. Its the onli thing i wished i didnt do. All i can say, its a vicious cycle, how ironic is it that things came one full cycle. Give me the ability to change things, and i will go back to change that day. Why cant i just shut my trap and sit down there and eat my stupid food. Sigh.

Tml will be going to kembangan for a 15min briefing on the job to do on saturday. Yes, u heard rite, a 1 hr trip from boon lay to kembangan just for a simple 15 mins briefing. Zzzz. Dumb company, its just a event lah, cant they brief like 30 mins before the event? Kaoz, tiu na seng. Heng mee kia also working with me, arbo i cfm reject the job one. Bo liao. Its in the evening somemore. Fuck.

Oh ya, before i go, i discovered NTT-DOCOMO phones are WONDERFUL todae. Damn nice lah. they have this SONY BRAVIA PHONE, which u can watch tv on! They have this other phone called AQUOS, and yes, its uses SHARP's AQUOS technology on the screen. Wah lan eh, imagine watching super high quality images and videos on your handphone. Wow. I checked out the prices, its around $780 SGD with a hypersim card, sad thing is, its onli compatible with M1 and Singtel SIM cards. I-phone? nah, im getting a NTT-Docomo SO906i Sony Bravia. =)

Oh ya, show u ppl the picture ba. =)

Jason's : Is romance a social entity or a individual entity? hmms..

2008-07-03T01:32:00.002+08:00

Pique

Went to skool todae to check out the CCA fair. SIM's CCA variety ain't many, so there wasnt much choice anyways. Was interested in singing club, so i went to check out the booth. I think i might go to a session to see what do they do during their training, u kw, kinda recce and see how things operate.

Also signed up with the Social Enterpreneurship Club. Dun ask me why i joined, i dun kw, maybe wanna give things a try ba, and just nice i can go in promote Hoohaa. Things is getting serious these days, im losing the happy-go-lucky thingy. Was out with ah-zheng 2 days ago to drink kopi and intro him to Hoohaa. He always commented that im no longer the sec skool guy that smiles and joke around alot, i always have this tinge of sadness and stress around me nowadays.

With adulthood, comes lots of things to stress about, so as we grow up, we get more stressed up. I realli do respect those people that have the courage to do what they want. Was smsing richard the other day, and he told me he's in australia. Im like what the fuck? When the hell did u go to australia man?

He told me he felt like going, and then he spent his bonus on the air tickets and flew there the next week. Wow. That is what i call absolute decision making. He's back in singapore todae, and tml gonna go gym with him.

Toking bout gym, im going there regularly, around 3 or 4 time per week, and as usual, i keep a look out for extraordinary stuffs. Contrary to popular belief, i dun look at gals at the gym, i look at the guys and their training technique. Im not gay, i love gals, so dun even for one moment think im gonna be gay soon. heh.

When ppl go gym, they usually get to know a few regular gym-goers. But im just plain anti-social and i rather stick to my trusty ipod. Gym is a place to train, not to tok and chat. Even when richard and i go gymming, we train hard individually, we rarely tok. The last gym trip, we onli said 3 sentences to each other thru out the training.
1)"I go warm-up le, see you later."
2)"Shag sia, how's your progress?"
3)"You done yet? im done and good to go, tell me when u're ready."

Saw kert in skool todae, he shrinked man, but can see he's more defined now. And he commented that my body shrinked too, but i tink my face is still round. Sigh. Wat to do, patience ba. Im just glad that im training regularly now, no matter what it is, its still beneficial in the long run.

Jason's : In ah sen's world, fate does not exist.

2008-07-01T02:29:00.002+08:00

长大

There is alot more to learn in life. Its true when they say u learn something new everyday. Even idle web surfing, u can learn stuffs tat u never expect to learn about. Was researching on Andy Lau's song 'Shi Qi Sui', or 'Seventeen Years Old' in english. Very meaningful song narrating his journey thru like thus far.

And i stumbled upon this chinese guy's blog, he gave an analogy of human life that i tink is quite sensible. I paste what he said over here to show u peeps what i mean. "人总是不断的长大，人总是在不断的经历中长大，可是人总是有成功的，也有失败的，但是没有一个人希望自己是那个失败的人。十七岁那年我刚刚上高中；二十七岁，我已经开始工作，开始渐渐的明白什么是人生，怎么经历人生；三十七岁，还有十年，一切都在继续……。我想起了一句话：过去只是人生经历，而不是一种负担。"

After this event, i grew up abit more mentally. Im still veri sure of my feelings, but i do know, its all part and parcel of life itself. While training todae, i quietly asked myself what do i realli wanna accomplish in this life. Deep inside, i alreadi drafted out a plan for my future, what career i want, what status i wanna achieve and what kinda partner i want. Whether i reach those goals, depends alot on how i steer my life path.

I always have to realign myself man, does it happen to everybody? Somewhere along the line, u kinda lost your way, and then u have to wake up the idea and realign yourself back to the route u were meant to take.

Hoohaa.com officially launches on 21st july, and i wish ah wei all the best. If hoohaa goes smoothly, money will roll in for him, and finally my childhood fren will be a rich boss. =) [I just realised the jg that tagged in my blog was junkgal. heh.]

Tomolo will be going back to skool for the CCA fair, i wanna join singing club and hiphop club. And if time allows, maybe dragonboat or some other form of sports club. Kert was asking me whether wanna join SIM judo club anot. hmms.... i tink tml see how much the course fee first then say, im fucking poor now.

And before i go, i wanna tell u peeps, im gonna go eat subway tml! I absolutely love subway, healthy fastfood for the calorie counting me. hahass. Their white chip macadamia cookies is wonderful, and therefore i went to source out the recipe. Will be baking the cookie soon on my cheat day. ( Ah well, im cheating so much these days, that cheat day seems like just another day. faaaarrrrrkkkk......)

Jason's : If u remember me, add chipotle southwest sauce to your subway sandwich next time.=)

2008-06-30T01:22:00.003+08:00

All by Myself

Celine Dion

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone
Livin alone
I think of all the friends Ive known
When I dial the telephone
Nobodys home

All by myself
Dont wanna be
All by myself
Anymore

Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure
And loves so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
Dont wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Dont wanna live
All by myself
Anymore

When I was young
I never needed anyone
Making love was just for fun
Those days are gone

All by myself
Dont wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Dont wanna live
Oh
Dont wanna live
By myself, by myself
Anymore
By myself
Anymore
Oh
All by myself
Dont wanna live
I never, never, never
Needed anyone

Jason's : Its all fated. Nothing i can do about it. =)

2008-06-28T03:53:00.002+08:00

Binge Binge Binge

Heh. Let it be then. Tch.

And so, the casino story yeah? I simply discovered a document describing a bug in the online casino roulette system. The exact methods and system of betting, i wont write down here, in case the more adventurous ones among u peeps go and try.

I gathered some cash from one other fren, and started on my little adventure with US$60. Before i started with real money, i actually tested the system in practice-play mode for 1 week. It worked perfectly. And when i tried with real money, the system indeed drew extraordinary rewards. I spent 2 hrs applying the system, and my bank balance was US$350. From then on, i played bigger bets, on the second day, my balance was US$600+.

And then suddenly in the middle of the nite, i woke up tinking of upping the stack to US$1000 before cash out all the winnings. Then it happened, the system failed. And no matter what ever bet i place, i lost, even if the probability is extremely little. And so i realised, somebody was purposely manipulating the results to make me lose. Hurhur. But nvm, its a good experience anyways, im just down by US$30 anyways. So much for the scamming experience eh? heh. =)

Yep, i was vexed, and infact i am still vexed. But wat to do, u cant be un-vexed suddenly. Went to eat steamboat todae with mee kia and ah wei they all, after which we went to a lan shop to play Battlefield 2.

The lan shop trip turned all of us back to the time we were kids still playing in Flying Cows in jurong point. We laughed, we giggled, we were all grown guys, yet still so childish when we're playing a game. We toked crap, crack seriously-dumb jokes and kinda crash-and-burned every single vehicle in the game. hahahass, i realli miss those days when i was still a kid and kinda game every single day in the lan shop. lol.

And i binged todae, on sweets and chocolates and all the sinful stuffs. I tink its alrite to let urself go once awhile, just enjoy life and food as they are. Seeing the world in a tranquil view have diminished my fire completely, my temper is nearly none existent now. Tulan also like tat, smile also like tat. A smile definitely looks better then a black face. so ya, goody goody 2 shoes goddy. =)

Ah well, its never too late to discover who are the frens u cherish the most. Life is a journey of rediscovery, go dig the stack of shits in ur room, and u always find something that brings back some fond memories of your younger days. Im a veri sentimental person, so i keep memorable junks and rubbishes.

I cant help but keep smiling foolishly at my monitor now as i type down this entry, i dun kw why. Im laughing at myself infact. hahaass, dumb fellow. lol.

Cars. Its getting to me man. All the things we guys tok about when we gather is Gals, Cars, Reservist, Army, Money. Gals, i dun have, so dun need tok so much. Reservist, i have, but i dun wan, so lan lan must tok about it. Money, dun have, so needa seek advice on how to earn it. But cars, its a liability, but still i realli realli wanna get a RX8. Hahahass, not sensible and totally contra-productive finance wise, but it looks REALLI nice leh. wah lan.

I used to tink the money could be invested and bla bla bla, so i dun realli fancy the idea of getting a car. Yet times change, people change, i would seriously consider getting a car when i have the means to support it comfortably. Comfortably means not having to scrimp and save on basic necessities, having the extra cash to burn. If i have a car now, i can drive out and chill in some abandoned elevated area overlooking the cityscape of singapore. You know, kinda drive out and sort things out in ur mind?

Oh, and before i go, i feel blood leaking out from my back. I wondered who did it. hmms...

Jason's : Du Gu Wu Di.

2008-06-26T23:07:00.002+08:00

Jason Lam Sin Siong

Weak in roadwork, need to improve.
Not blessed, never been blessed.
Safely survived 25 yrs.

Pretty boy? no. face too big.
Rugged hunk? no. too white.
rich? no. in fats, yes.
talents? none. unless talentless count as one.
intelligent? no. i wont be bloggin this shit if i am.
charismatic? no. cant tok sensibly.
fit? no. perm failure in ippt.

<=Memorable Events=>

Tried to scam a casino, got discovered and counter-scammed.

A bird shit dropped on the head during flag lowering session in primary 5.

Ball hit face during secondary school soccer competition. Functioning as a goal keeper. Concussed.

Got a uppercut during a basketball match during poly days, concussed and knocked out for 10 secs.

Tripped on a tent line during primary 6 scout camp. Fell flat on my face, ate dirt and got winded for 30 secs. Thought its the end of my 12 yrs of life.

Countered a flying kick by a male classmate in primary 6. Inflicted substantial damage to opponent to warrant his mum to come fuck me upside down in class.

Blushed like a tomato when the gal of my dreams toked to me in sec 1.

Performed on stage in guangzhou during a overseas holiday trip with my relatives. was primary 4.

Started listening to CDs onli during sec 2. First CD bought was Daniel Chan Xiao Dong's 'Tie Xin'.

Heavily involved in guy-ish nonsense of every type from cards to fights in starting from sec 3.

Became proud and egoistic from primary 6. Arrogant and cocky.

Extremely irritating during sec 4. Was at the peak of childish-ness. Listed in alot of ppl's top ten killable lists.

Learnt to tone down in the Army. Looked back and realised im fucked up in every sense.

Tried to sabo a sgt during BMT phrase. Got extra exercise for that. Oh well, i became fitter than.

Picked up boxing during sec 2. Influenced by my uncle. Did not take professional lessons.

Became extremely interested in martial arts during sec 3. That explains the increased amount of fights and explosive temper during that period.

Became a chicken in poly and started to research more on martial arts and music.

Joined Ngee Ann Poly Strings to learn guitar. Main purpose was to cheat gals. In the end plan backfired, got cheated by 3 gals in a row.

Joined Dragon boat. Forced to retire within 3 sessions by programming lecturer after scoring 28 upon 100 points for my mid yr exams.

Had fun watching dragon boat seniors fight in the buff in the toilet. Rubbish bin and other variable tools were employed in the match.

Pukes clear hydrochloric acid after the first 3km run during the first trainin session.

Smashed my right fist and got a hairline fracture in my knuckle during boxing training. Took 1 years to recover. Add 1 more year for slacking.

And the list goes on, i will continue this interesting list when i feel like it. ( Its interesting to me, though it might not be to you people.)

Jason's : Do not scam casinos. Trust me.

2008-06-25T19:40:00.002+08:00

传说

Let me tell u people a legend. A legend of a man, whose pride and ego soars above all logic and reason. A man that never listens to people, who can not take advice, to him, advice is an insult.

Oh ya, before i continue on this story, a frendly reminder to you peeps out there, do not eat papaya seeds. I learnt from this cooking program that teaches u to chop the seeds up and eat it with the papaya, they say its good for health and digestion, i say tiu na seng. The seeds sucked and i swear never ever to eat papaya with the seeds again, chopped or not chopped. Tiu na seng.

Okays, back to the story, when people give u advice, its for ur own good. I know advice can be good or bad, but if 3 people tells you there is a better way to do things, the probability of 3 person being rite as per you alone being rite is higher rite? Though there are obstacles that supposingly impede you implementation of this advice, do understand that those are part and parcel of the journey to rich-dom ( yes, i invented this word. )

All in all, the reason why this legend's fren is so agitated is because they're true frends, if he's just some roadside fucktart, why the hell will he bother? Noone wanna see their fren walk down a route of no return.

The details of this legendary incident, i shall not say much, cause i dun wanna spread shit all around. If you peeps get wat i mean.

Okays, enough of prep talk stories, now lets go on to my fav, training progress. Dropped another 1, but i need one more to hit target. I do not tink i look any different in the mirror, but the scale isnt lying, i double checked it. Im doing weights and cardio now, cardio consists of a short run and a long stroll around my neighbourhood. Weights wise im doing at home (yeap, i have eqmt at home.) around 2 times per week when im cash-strapped, or the gym when money is in town. hurhurs.

Toking bout neighbourhood strolls, its actually the most interesting part of my training regime. Why? Because u get to see the facets of life around your estate, let me quote some examples. Once i saw 2 banglas french-ing, yes, u heard rite, french-ing. I saw other grosser stuffs, think dun describe ba. heh.

So, back to my so-called training, im planning to buy a kettle-bell to train the cores muscles used for combat, rather then simply old skool weights to target shape and tone. This urge is thanks to kert, nb he told me he's now training with a kettle-bell and all the benefits he's reaping from it. Stronger muscles, lighter weight anybody? Wow. But its costly lah, ccb a 24kg kettle-bell costs around $150. Nb expensive sia.

Anyways, not bad lah, the lard is burning off slowly. I realli wanna speed up the process, but this kinda stuff cannot gan jiong one, once u gan jiong, might turn out like my sec skool fren, he tore his muscle and cant exercise for like 6 mths? Wow, mighty pain.

Im not your hunk or watsoever lah, just a guy trying his best to train hard for once in his life. Its not realli that hard realli, but i do have to force myself to pluck that ass up and go do something. Yet the satisfaction that u get after each training session is out of the world.

Oh, last thing before i go. I was praying hard ytd nite, realli hard. hmms...

Jason's : Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner. ( From the movie '21' )

2008-06-23T01:11:00.002+08:00

T.N.S

People, im getting realli bored this holidays. Jobs need a 3 mth contractual period, and those that have no time span, is not my kinda job. Giving flyers, selling credit cards, i have enough of all those. Talked alot with mee kia these days, though we crap 90% of the time, we both did toked bout our future.

Mee kia's family isnt so well to do, but his relatives are all successful ppl. He has aunts in Hong Kong, London, Japan and Australia, and therefore he plans to go work overseas when he finishes his NS. Yes, his aunts and uncles are mostly foreigners. heh.

Whether i have relatives overseas anot, i also dun realli kw, but i tink its realli kinda fun to have overseas relatives, cause u can visit them when u're backpacking around the world. I once said i will wanna take up photography if i have the extra cash to burn. Photo-journalism style, a picture tells a thousand stories, and i wanna travel around the world to capture people's hearts and souls, smiles and grief, all under one album.

If i have the talent and the chance, i will definitely open a photography exhibition, where i can show people my works and hopefully bring them to the feel what i felt when i took each and every picture. To me, a picture is not juz a piece of plastic with colors and stuffs, a picture is a crystallization of time, each and every picture tells a emotional story, some of happiness, some of sadness. How many times have u smiled when u see a funny picture of ur past?

The fire in me, has finally settled down. I feel i wont drift around so much anymore, i had 25 yrs of drifting, so its time i settle down somewhere. Attached or not, not that important, as long as i stick to feeling for just 1 person. I need to find the break in life, the event that will make a man somebody. Or in short, a way to get rich.

I watched PROPOSAL DAITATSUKEN, and i feel the storyline behind this jap drama is realli meaningful. The theme song itself holds alot of meaning, there are somethings u have to treasure now when u have them, things change, people change, what is unchanged is the time u spent with them in the past. I know this sounds kinda emo, but im not lah, just stating a fact.

View life with a wider perspective, and you will see a that a greater horizon exist beyond ur little view span. A veri sad fact is, no matter you live or u die, the world stills revolves, no matter who u are. Therefore though they say those great men changed the world, but i still think they simply died, and we have to find a reason to explain how come the world is still spinning. Contradictory? yeah, wat to do, im like tat sometimes. sigh.

Im crapping alot this entry, because who reads all this shit man? Just me i tink, heh. So if u do chanced upon this blog of mine, bear with me, i like to blog nonsense. =)

Where does my significance lie? I guess being significant isnt that easy for me. hahass..

And this song, tells the story of a man's life. Not my life as yet, im living too well to live up to this song, and i dun even have gal to call my own, so ya, i dun qualify.

一起走过的日子

如何面对曾一起走过的日子
现在剩下我独行
如何让心声一一讲你知
从来无人明白我
唯一你给我好日子
有你有我有情有生有死有义

多少风波都愿闯
只因彼此不死的目光
有你有我有情有天有海有地
不可猜测总有天意
才珍惜相处的日子
道别话亦未多讲
只抛低这个伤心的汉子

沉沉睡了谁分享今生的日子
活着但是没灵魂
才明白生死之间的意思
情浓完全明白了
才甘心披上孤独衣
有你有我有情有天有海有地

当天一起不自知
分开方知根本心极痴
有你有我有情有生有死有义
只想解释当我不智
如今想倾诉讲谁知
剩下绝望旧身影
今只得千亿伤心的句子

Oh, before i forget, its a canto song, so those that dun understand canto, u can read the chinese wordings =). And i tink i need to tell this to everyone : "We realli cannot defeat fate."

Jason's : 天意难违。

2008-06-17T03:28:00.002+08:00

Dad

Its been sometime since my last entry. Alot has been going thru my mind as usual. A few things are actually quite obvious, and i do think i need to rectify those aspects of my current life.

When a dad has to buy his own cake on father's day, that goes to show he alreadi expected his kids to not buy a cake for him and it also shows he wanna celebrate father's day with his kids. But the dad is a man of few words, who cares for his kids silently behind their backs and provides for them.

Yes its true he made mistakes in the past, yes its true he did hurtful things to the family, but who doesnt make mistakes in life, who doesnt learn thru experience? A man who knows how to turn back and return to the correct path, is a man who will gain my respect. Someone who wanna picks up the pieces and return to his family, is someone i will truly call a father.

And this year's father's day, i reminded my siblings to get my dad presents. He is after all, the man who sweats and slogs all day at work just to support my siblings and me. And as a guy, i understand we usually dun realli know how to express love explicitly for loved ones, our way of caring is subtle, but its there. =)

Training wise, things are starting to look better, and i need to force myself to get back to the low carb diet. Im kinda addicted to fish noodle soup these days, dun kw why. hurhur. End of the day, its crucial that i revert to the diet again, because the lard wont burn if i dun do something bout the shit i put into my mouth. heh.

Romance wise, i tink its realli realli obvious. There's something that i wanna say, but after thinking thru, i shouldnt be so absolute in my declarations. Wat do i wanna say? Simple, i wanted to tell u guys that i found somebody that i like from the bottom of my heart. Yet the maturity gained from the past experiences persuades me to retain abit of doubt.

The simplicity, the forth-rightness and in-your-face-with-nothing-to-hide attitude, that's one of the many stuffs that make her unique. It goes to show that if u realli patiently observe and understand somebody, be it explicitly or implicitly, you will realised a person's true nature. Although i dun kw how she realli thinks, im veri sure about how i feel.

Like i said in all my previous posts, chances are veri low, even pathetic. Yet something keeps telling me to at least do something about it, dun just dismiss it as impossible like everybody else. Im willing to spend time to learn more about her, so why not go the distance and reach the finish line?

Ah well, say, who also can say, its the actions that matters. Im trying to do the practical part these days, not just theory. I just hope i wont be a disturbance, i dun wanna end up being some irritating dick that informally terrorizes someone that i realli like. hahahas!

Jason's : I was realli happy. realli realli happy. =)

2008-06-09T01:56:00.003+08:00

Midpoint

Its a big question mark rite now. I also dun know. Diam diam follow my heart and see how fate decides. Meant to be, will be. Not meant to be, life goes on.

Currently living the life of a homey vagrant. Yes, the phrase is metophorical, but its true, im simply rotting at home watching dramas this holidays. And of course still trying hard to start the 30 day low carb regime. Its kinda hard man, cause its the festive dumpling festival and so many programs to go to. Todae is monday, and i told myself enough is enough, time to train and continue the program. U want something? Then work hard for it. Simple.

Tomolo i will wake up early to go train. Yup. Will drag myself to the gym if it comes to it. Bit by bit, i know this is what i want, and this is part and parcel of getting there. I keep reminding myself that i dun wanna be a NATO, so i have to do my best this time.

And my favourite song is Whatever They Say. =)

Jason's : Im serious. Realli serious.

2008-06-08T01:10:00.002+08:00

Passion-ology

We aint so different after all. Thats all i can say.

Life itself is a contradictory existence, and that kinda explains my contradictory nature. At least i hope that explains it.

Hands, one of the most sensitive and most affectionate part of any human being. I once read a email entitled ' do not hold hands easily'. The mail toks about the significance of holding hands, and the abuse of it. Why would u hold the hands of somebody u dun like in the first place? Sympathy? Sometimes people aint tinking right, that's what i realized.

The world is ending soon, with all kinds of disasters happening around the world. From the china quakes to the myanmar cyclones to the europe lighting storms. Slowly we see the repercussions for the damage mankind did to earth. We definitely top the list of deadliest animals on earth, we kill more stuffs then any other animals in the world, and best thing is we are killing earth itself. Wow, im kinda amazed by how powerful and reckless we've became.

Im not a go-green kinda person, but i do identify with the damage we've done and the end that's eminent. With all the movements on saving the earth and saving gaia going on and on, i still believe its too late to remedy the damage lah, if its gonna end, we cant stop it. So i live my life as per normal and hope that ah-ma-gei-don doenst happen in my lifetime. =)

Okays, now about something damn childish. Have you ever imagined urself in a end-of-the-world situation like the world is over-runned by zombies etc? I do have this kinda of imagination sometimes, sound dumb lah i know, but its kinda interesting leh. Its like u're living in those post apocalyptic world and u are trying to survive. I always wake up damn scared being chased by zombies. hahahass, come on, give me some credit for being so creative even in my sleep yeah? hahasss!

Jason's : Its better to regret something you have done, then to regret something u havent.

2008-06-05T02:35:00.002+08:00

Tale of a Happy Man

Todae was a great day. got my results, safely tided thru this semester. woohoo, the night before i was having nightmares of failing my Prices and Markets. This time around, im not a miracle maker after all, cause it takes a miracle to fail P&M like what kert says. hurhur

Will be forcing myself to continue the regime tomolo, cause i slacked enough for a week le. This time its gonna last 30 days. the 14 day period did wonders for me, so im gonna go 30 days tis time. Tuna in water is fucking smelly i tell u, but wat to do, suffer abit nvm one lah. =)

Went for a career talk todae, which wasnt quite i expected. I was late, and i apologized publicly and sincerely because i watch too much jap dramas and i kinda adopted their SUPER strong sense of manners. Once settled down, the speaker starts to speak garbage, not total garbage lah, but toks about things that a tertiary student most prob alreadi knew. I know its kinda ungrateful of me to comment on a free talk sponsored by some government agency, but it REALLI sux.

The speaker has no charisma, cracks BAD jokes, keeps pushing his logic on us and all in all, sucked as a speaker. Sigh, he should have stayed a behind-the-scene banker. Thinking back, im not a good speaker as well, so shouldnt i assess myself before commenting on others? =)

Tomolo shall be catching up with corinne, heard something happened to her and she quit her job. Im always the listening ear whenever my frens need me. hurhurs, and im proud of that. People tok to you because they trust u. But the trust i wan most is the trust from 'her', i realli like her alot man. (not corinne hor, dun be mistaken.)

When the money starts rolling in, things will start changing. I wanna get a 40 inch LCD TV installed on my wall infront of my bed, connected to my PC. So that i can watch dramas from my PC in the comfort of my bed! And then maybe go IKEA buy some artsy sofa to cuddle up in. I will change my room's furniture to either black or white, kinda gives the zen feeling, with my favourite chinese calligraphies hanging on the walls. Simple, yet elegent zen decoration with a touch of oriental literature. Not forgetting a mini-fridge to store my chilled plain water! Aiseh, i realli kw how to enjoy life sia. hurhur.

In the event im still a bachelor by the time i graduate ( most prob will be so, from the looks of it), i will spend my money on stuffs that guys love most. For me, its a BMW Z4 roadster, a closet full of Mont Blac Shirts, a few Tag Heuer watches, a assortment of ties and RAyban sunglasses etc. Not forgetting my Aramis Men's Lab facial care series! Oh yeah, the metropolitan working class man. hahahass , dreaming about stuffs is so nice dun cha tink?

ah well, lets not tink too far ba, im juz a poor undergraduate struggling with studies, money and a gal currently. hahahasss, dumb me.

jason's : hearto ~~ <3

2008-05-21T22:08:00.002+08:00

Love Counselor...NOT!

How serious can u be when i comes to love? Have you ever asked urself this question? And if u say veri serious and sincere, on what basis? Ur own judgement? Everybody envelopes him or herself in this premonition that they are very serious, mostly verbally. But what matters and what other people see is your actions and the things u do. U can say u feel how and how and bla bla bla, but end of the day, no action.

I do understand that people do stuffs that they dun tell the person they like, and it results in a dilemma. If that person know, its like u're doing stuffs with a motive. On the contrary, if that person dun kw, its kinda meaningless rite? Although he/she might be happy that u did that, you DO want him/her to know. Dun tell me stuffs about being noble, you are not noble, u are dumb.

Worse thing that could happen is when that person got together with some fucktart and THEN he/she find out watever you did for her. And that's where a sad story realli starts. That person wanna be with you, but is locked down morally. And then u also due to moral reasons diam diam watch that fucktart destroys her life. Wow, where's the nobility in that?

I believe every single gal deserves and wants to be loved, its just by who. Which gal doesnt want a strong shoulder to lie on, a person to whine to, someone to share memories with? Its just who is the guy that they want to share their lives with. Needless to say, guys go after gals most of the time, and at any single time, there could be a few guys wooing a gal at one gal. You could say they're spoilt for choice.

And so, to choose which one? The best one. Which is the best one? Depends on the gal's criteria. Sometimes, they would rather not choose anyone and continue waiting for the white-horse-prince.

Believe me when i say, if u truly and sincerely like someone, ur actions will show and ur heart will know. Pluck up ur courage and give it a try, no matter the outcome, its a good experience. And bear in mind the fact that if she accepts u, u will treat her nice and wholeheartedly, therefore she shall find happiness with you. Never belittle your ability to give her happiness. :)

Okays, fuck man, im beginning to sound like some romance counselor though im single all my life. Hahahass, ah well, juz some pieces of how my heart functions, though abit selfish. 我想就这样牵着你的手不放开~~~

Back to life. Im still looking for a job, spiritually. hahhass. Im currently focusing on my training and diet, seeing results alreadi, but maybe its not that obvious ba. Im still surprised that i actually persevered all the way, i always tend to give up halfway. Hmms, infact, im going to extend the 14 days low carb to 30 days man. Its not that bad after the 1st week, i still have my cheat days once every week, so cravings are fine.

Todae, something funny happened, i was at bugis starbucks meeting this prudential agent called priscilla, which i find oddly familiar. After toking for awhile, i still haven recalled where have i seen her before. Then on my way home in the mrt, i remembered. She is ah sa's fren lah, pris. I sat in her car before that time when we went to marina south. Small world rite? rite.

And to illustrate why we need to cherish what we have now, is a song that tells about a regret that plagues a guy for the rest of his life. Aiyah, i dun know how to phrase it accurately lah, but if u understand me, u understand, dun understand, no point i try to make u understand also lah. hurhurs. So here we go :

保护

歌手：许志安

你把门轻轻关上离开他的谎话
失望比悲伤强烈疲倦的泪留下
你心里有幅相框爱应该像个天堂
结果爱原来更像无止尽的流浪
你忽然停止说话靠在我肩膀上
一瞬间心在摇晃有抱你的渴望
翻往日美好时光让我们乱了方向
我想起无辜的她正在等我回家
很抱歉不能陪你到天亮
很抱歉不能像从前一样
空荡的夜风变凉把我的外套披上
答应我好好的让我送你回家
很抱歉不能抱紧你不放
很抱歉只能藉给你肩膀
无助时逃进过往是最危险的地方
我只能这样保护你请你原谅

我们站在月光下影子拖的好长
像怀念无法隐藏被摊在大街上
你的泪无声落下打湿了我的胸膛
现在的情不自禁会是以后的伤

Jason's : Im more certain i made the right choice after reading the past blog entries. :)

2008-05-21T02:25:00.002+08:00

Magic 80

Ti da ti da ti da, the clock goes, and my heart goes pok pom pok pom. Slack daily at home, with nothing much to do except watching dramas whole day long. An enviable lifestyle? I exercise , eat healthily while watching various dramas on my computer, sleeping when i feel like it, stoning whenever i like. Freedom. hurhurs.

I wanted to find a job, and mee kia had some OCBC lobang. Heard from him its about doing some events stuffs, cause i told him explicitly i had enough of credit card selling and picking up phone calls from screaming customers. I wanna do something more physical, moreover working for OCBC i can kw some managers so that when i graduate, i have connections in OCBC. heh.

Matured? im not realli sure, but i do know everyday u learn something, no matter how trivia. Im veri explosive these days, temper aint veri good and i have a veri low tolerance for stupid and dumb people. Something is acting up and im going abit bonkers. I scold people that do dumb things in game, everything i see just kinda piss me off sometimes, i dun know why. ( Actually i do know why im so moody, im missing ... )

And therefore i scolded fei zai yesterday, and fei zai's fren just now. sigh, and tinking back, why was i so agitated man, where's the composure that i used to have? I used to laugh things off and just smile though im kinda piss with some people doing dumb stuffs in game, but these days, the darker side is showing up. I gonna reassess myself again man. not right lah the attitude.

All in all, i guess im juz a little kid deep inside, with the rare temper flares and mood swings. Im nice and dandy most of the time, but everybody has some kinda down period. Im just a normal guy after all. Even buddha got fire rite? rite. :)

Where is everybody when u need somebody to tok to man. I got truckloads to unload man, who is willing to listen to what i have to say? Lunch or dinner people, anytime.

Jason's : Im kinda surprised, i do hope its realli her.

2008-05-18T05:16:00.002+08:00

.中.华.英.雄.

"Baby, if u managed to survive, then please remember, mummy loves you." This is the last msg a mother keyed into her handphone before using her body to protect her baby from the falling building before she died. The China Sze Chuan Earthquakes are devastating lives and tons of sad stories are flowing out from the afflicted areas. Sometimes i wonder, who suffers more? the dead or the living?

Ah, enough emo stuffs, i know im a grown man but such stuffs still make me sad. The greatest love in the world is the love a mother have for her child. Remember that.

Todae marks the 7th day of the 14 day low carb plan, and i happily say it works. Dropped 2 kgs alreadi in this first week, not very obvious in the mirror though, but still, 2 in a week is good. In fact im considering extending the low carb plan all the way till the start of skool man, its not too bad, though u do get sick of tuna and salads lah. I gotta fit into the Bruce Lee shirt no matter what.

Jason's : Its predetermined im a Tiong Kok Hero, solitude for life. :)

2008-05-16T02:20:00.002+08:00

Chosen Path

I dun kw whether i've changed anot, its just 5 days. But my discipline is phenomenal. Im loving my new life now. New eating habits, new outlook and stuffs. Im never a hunk, but i can at least do my best to get into shape. Taking it slow and steady now, the day will come.

Lyrics of a song from the popular drama huang jing lu, its realli quite meaningful, to me at least.

路

我们都该回头看看来时路
就算起风偶尔有雾模糊不了幸福
我们都该在心里数数感动的次数
谁陪你疯谁陪你笑拍拍肩一起追逐

多少爱错过了才看清楚
多少事无法弥扑才认输
多少次以为找到了幸福
却发现一开始就是个错误

每一段路都是一段领悟
珍珠再夺目留不住心头热呼呼
真心的鼓舞能温暖一生的旅途
每一段路难免荆棘密布
把坚持牢牢握住不怕艰难险阻
学会去爱就不会迷路

I always said this before, simplicity is a felicity of life. What's the best thing about me? Go mull over it. :)

^China's earthquake disaster reminded me how insignificant my daily pursuits are, people are struggling to survive and im still living in my fancy romantic world. duh.^

Jason's : Tomolo is cheat day! yeah!

2008-05-15T02:13:00.002+08:00

Closing Time

The clockworks of Fate are moving once again. I feel the downward spiral now, but its a good time realli, cause negative stuffs kinda spurs u on to do things u normally wont do. And that gives u a perseverance and determination like no other.

I think things are getting simpler and simpler. People keeps things from me, and yeah, i do understand why. Some laugh, some ridicule and most dissuade. They just wanna hear one sentence from me, a veri simple sentence consisting of 3 words.

Sad to say, people look down on me, and its understandable, cause i've been a NATO all these while. Even after these times, im starting to doubt myself. But nonetheless, i've gathered myself again, now focusing on myself. Who are the true frens? You never know how dark a person's heart can be. You never know...

Alrite, that shall be the last entry for the that event ba. Shall focus on building myself now. Where are those frens that will stand by you no matter what? Those frens that believe in traditional loyalty? Those that will tide through hardships with you? Those that will lend their hands to you no matter how tough the going gets? Those frens that will be steady with you all the way, never betraying you and keeping stuffs from you? They never existed.

Ah well, u cant depend on people, the only one u can depend on, is urself. So ya, im on the 4th day of the low carb, its working, i feel something burning within me, so im kinda warm like a furnace. Hurhurs. Tomolo will start phrase 2 alreadi. Im happy because im veri determined now.

Im sick of chicken now, i shall stick to tuna. Chicken is veri mafan to prepare lah, and i fucking hell bought 1KG worth of fillets from NTUC, then within 3 days must finish it. So i kinda eat chicken for the whole day todae. Fucking sick of it can? Definitely no more chicken, for a week at least. Im sticking to tuna. Tuna tastes DAMN nice with lettuce and tomatoes. hurhur.

Im so glad that i knew muscle-man kert man, he gave me ideas on stuffs and is also a martial arts fan. heh. This holidays, might be the turning point of my life. Notice the MIGHT be, cause like i said, im still doubting myself. If my plan is successful, then maybe i will go join kert's MMA dojo. :)

Ah wei's business is starting up soon, after nearly 1 yr of planning and getting ready, its rolling out in mid june, or so he says. I hope it doesnt gets procrastinated any longer, its been so damn long that we lost the market initiative alreadi. Sigh. But since he insists his plan is much better then the competitors' , i chose to belief in his ideals. :) If this works, ah wei will be swimming in money. hahass. :)

There's a new singer on the horizon, his name is Wu Jia Hui. His song 虽然我愿意, is damn nice. He wrote the song himself i tink, another talented fellow in the musical field. Makes me wonder how come i can never write songs as nice as those written by them. Izzit lack of romantic experience, or izzit lack of creativity? I tink its both.

Im not a very superstitious person, but i tink the prophecy on my japan trip is coming true. Im still keeping my fingers crossed lah, but yeah, i do hope things go smoothly this year. And to those people that wanna watch show, u most prob wont have a show to watch.

P.S. : Who is the 'alert' that tagged on my blog ah? Its not sebastian, who are u?

Jason's : Naive no more.

2008-05-13T14:15:00.003+08:00

Going on Strong

Started yesterday, didnt do anything heavy, still abit lethargic from the exam period. Perfect weather for a swim, might go for a swim later. MIGHT. :)

Im feeling abit weak and hot, dun kw why, but i tink should be okay with time ba. Need to adjust myself to the new lifestyle and diet. Im starting to miss rice and noodles alreadi. Sigh. Well, all this is for a better tml aint it? :)

Genting trip was quite enjoyable, though we kinda sleep less then 8 hrs in Genting itself, most of the time we're at the casino gambling. yep, u heard rite, we became gambling addicts. hahass. Initially won quite a sum, but then i felt invincible and almost showhanded everything on one bet. Then lose. So im back to square 1. hahass. But its all for fun lah, so whether win or lose also like tat.

Genting is a good place to kinda think about things, u're far from everyone cept for the guys, and u do think bout things on the bus trip to and fro. The cold weather there suits me just fine, cause i sweat alot in hot places, so cold places is perfect for me. heh.

There were some not so good times though, but nonetheless, its quite a enjoyable trip for me. The bus ride back wasnt so pleasant for rei though, poor fellow had to sit at the front of the bus with no comfort seat. He's damn pissed about it, if its me, i would too. Imagine sitting 5 hrs on some uncomfortable hard surface.

Okies. enough bout Genting, gambling is realli bad, i've seen too many examples at genting alreadi. hurhur. Oh boy, can i last 14 days, i realli wonder. But like i said, if i dun carry on with this, i will commit suicide. So yeah, i guess death is scarier then giving up. :P

Frends. They come in all shapes and sizes, they come in all kinds of peculiar personalities. U accept everything, their good and their shit, that's y u be frends with them. When i say we're frends, i perceive a bond between us, and im known to be loyal if u're nice to me. I believe in the loyalty personified by Guan Yu, so in chinese, i value Yi Qi alot. But im not blind and dumb, i will onli be steady if the other party is steady. I will not be made used of. I can perform something for u, take me for granted, u take care ba.

Okies, time to sleep. so yeah. nites. and im abit upset. about msn that is. sigh.

Jason's : Life, oh life.

2008-05-08T01:36:00.002+08:00

No Zouk

Some people like to make their problem, my problem. If u are unhappy or in a bad mood, dun fucking vent ur anger on ur frens and leave in the middle of a game. There is onli 2 persons who i allow them to vent their anger on me. My mum and her. The rest can fuck off and die for all i care.

Didnt join the guys at Zouk, because firstly, im kinda broke, and the money i wanna save and go spend in Genting tomolo. Secondly, i went to a counselling session just nw, and what they say made me retink lots of stuffs. They meant well for me, im not stubborn, im just.... i dun kw how to explain lah, there is something urging me to hang on. Try to understand me guys, i realli realli need to see this thru. No matter the outcome.

Todae had a glimpse of what is low carb diet, its actually quite nice. I have planned my daily meals for the next 2 weeks, based on my own preferences and i shall convert to 6 small meals per day system. Starting next monday, i shall embark on this low carb thingy and train diligently. :)

How to motivate myself? Simple. I tink men's health model and passing my ippt and the fat stigma. not forgetting.... lolx... anyways, i want 6 pec by december, and i wanna tone up this 2 mths. Easy to say lah, im also sick of being a NATO (No Action Tok Only), so just do it lor, no need tink too much.

K, short entry, enough, im picking up the pieces of my sanity currently. Im starting to go weird, maybe its the influence ba. Weird.

Jason's : Im blind, not deaf.

2008-05-07T05:46:00.002+08:00

Uhuh, What's next?

If onli u realised the courage required. This entry, will be abit darker in nature. I dun know who reads this thing here, but for those of you who is reading this story right from the start, u do understand how much the story means to me this time.

Been toking to people, and im once again reminded of somethings. Shouldnt be that way, but yeah, its that way. I dun usually tok to people on msn, but i recently find gaming to be quite boring, therefore i tok to those acquaintances more to find out more about them. There's alot happening behind the curtains like i said, and u can feel these dark undercurrents flowing. But then again, there are some information that u are dying to know initially, then after knowing, u wished u dun kw. Sigh. Irony.

Last paper ended todae. Happy happy happy. Went out to eat dinner after exams. After that went home. See, feel and then know. Its nearli 6am in the morning and im still bloggin here. Self-explainatory. Enough.

From tomolo onwards, time to pick up the pieces of what's left of my fitness and go about my routine. Not gonna whine bout how much lard i have on me, on the contrary, this time, not gonna say much. Next week is the start of low carb fortnight. I will commit suicide if i eat carbs during that 2 weeks. I will fucking kill myself rite there on the spot. Fuck the fats, like what someone says, its a social stigma.

The heart once again opens wider, and im now able to swallow more shyt. I kinda adviced lots of people on msn just now. A dude asked me about his aimlessness in life. Adviced him and discovered im very strong psychologically. A dude asked me about his gal problems. Adviced him and discovered im very creative. Got fucked upside down by a dude, hung on and brushed off his advice to give up. Ya i know, happening rite my msn? rite.

The world makes me so despondent sometimes man, its stifling just trying to cope with my life and i still have to share some of my optimism with people. Walk the path and though u might not arrive at the destination, u walked. Veri random stuffs i know, there's meaning in them, u just need to decipher randomly. Got it? No? Nvm.

"Dun tok to me until u are awake", i was told. Im not asleep in the first place. Im not blinded mind you. The strength to believe and persevere isnt easy to come by. Its not my ego damn you, im not you, its just the belief in....

Jason's : A immortal god can be slain by a formless sword called love.

2008-05-04T02:39:00.002+08:00

Ah Lam

Todae was OT paper, i smoke till i dun even kw what im writing, i was kinda tinking my answer was not relevant to the question. But i applied all the theories involved, so i wasnt sure whether its correct or not. Watever lah, since its over, fuck it. I like the notion that once something is over, dun brood over it, screw and heck it lah, over means over, no point hogging on it rite?

I can understand if people tell me that its impossible and very hard etc... But i got kinda pissed when somebody told me that he pity me. Was chatting as usual on msn, and it came to that topic, and its understandable that he dislikes that person. But dun freaking tell me that u pity me, its not a sin to like someone, and in the end, she's still a normal gal after all. Dun make it sound as if she's some kinda monster and im super dumb to fall for her. Whether or not it works out, i dun need your stupid sympathy and watever i do, i do it without regrets. If you're reading this, im not trying to diss you here, but please keep your ego in check.

Okies, toking about msn, i've been toking more to "muscle-man" nicholas these days, and it seems there's alot of undercurrents within our lecture hall. He told me stuffs that i dun wanna put down here, because its kinda weird lah, announcing other's people's business here. Anyways, i've seeked his advice on how to lose weight faster, and he's technique abit crazy leh -.-"" No wonder he's biceps are so big. hahass.

And still on the topic on msn, for the past 2 days, i was chatting with somebody till 6am in the morning. Its interesting how people from different backgrounds click sometimes, and people are usually more then they look. All along i tot she's just another one of those pretty and veri popular gals, but though popular, she's still humble and very approachable. Very lame, craps alot too. hurhurs. But too bad, im alreadi interested in someone else le. And she's not chinese, so its a total no no.

This semester will be officially over after next tuesday's PM exams, and then i shall worry about finding a job again. sigh. And worse yet, i need to worry about where to get money for my next semester's fees. Bank Loan? Only way out, though i hate the notion of being indebted before i even started working.

Sean bro is having some r/s issues it seems, adviced him abit. I feel that since he feels for her and she is veri into him, they should give it a try. i like to call it "taking the plunge", because u need to at least try to see where the road leads. Taking any road, is better then staying put. People might not agree with me, some say they're afraid of getting hurt and stuffs like that, but then again, how did u learn to walk? U definitely fell down before being able to walk when u were young, so where is that courage? The courage that you possess since you were a kid?

To me, life is veri simple, its about giving things a chance. I've had frends that tried, and they found the love of their life. There are those that failed as well, but no matter, they learned from the experience and became a better lover to the next fated one. People learn from mistakes more then they learn from books. In fact, we human beings learn everything from mistakes. Making mistakes is never the issue, its the courage to admit u made a mistake and learn from it that's the point.

I've never been in a relationship before, but i do know the pain of losing somebody, the heart-wrenching feeling that u have to let go of someone u sincerely love. Rather then immersing yourself in sadness and locking urself up emotionally, why not be happy for the times that u have at least spent with them? Like a saying that i saw on a t-shirt, "Do not cry because its over, smile because it happened.".

Though i seem nonchalant and happy-go-lucky each and everyday, alot goes thru my mind. I like to observe things and reactions, trying to understand things. To me, happiness is innate, meaning you have to find it within you. This may sounds dumb, but you're happy because u feel like being happy. Get it? If not, never mind, im kinda lazy to explain it, go give it some thought.

Okay lah, enough alreadi, todae was abit long winded, so concluding this entry hor, sean bro, i do hope your choice will be a positive one. And i do hope your blessing for me works this time around. heh. Wish me luck, i most prob need lots of it. ^_-

(P.S.) I said i will paste a song lyric here tis entry, so here it is:

想太多 - 李玖哲

你笑着说
他是朋友
但你眼中太温柔
我的不安
那么沉重
只有你不懂
他霸占了你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说
我们不是你和我
是我想太多
你总这样说但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

Jason's : This is a veri meaningful entry to me. Todae was a important day.

2008-05-01T04:08:00.002+08:00

Heroic Demon or Demonic Hero?

Tonite is those nite again. Listening to emo songs, getting emo about life again. hurhur. My emo is not that kinda kiddish emo, i would choose to believe it is enveloped in a romantic atmosphere draped and decorated with elegance. The background music will most prob be soothing RnB, and the temperature around 25-26 degrees. Perfecto.

Might sounds dreadful and unappealing to some people, but to me, this kind of nite is just like a mtv. Wait till i show you how comfortable this state is, my world and my unique brand of hybrid culture. Take the plunge, believe me, the side of me, that nobody ever saw. =)

Okies, now now now, i should at least blog something related to my entry title rite? I've been labelling my entries with nonsense for so long, its time to write something related. Demon and Hero, they meant opposites of each other, yet there's just a fine line defining both of them.

A hero, one who helps and saves people. A demon, one who harms and kills people. Yet the line is blurred, there is no absolute hero, and no absolute demon. Humans are born to be perceptive creatures, and like in my earlier entry, our perception is shaped by the environment and culture that we were brought up in.

Morality is the issue to consider during judgment. If a man does something against the moral standards set by society, he is a demon. Yet society is not always rite, they simply insists they are rite. Nobody ever gave society the power to judge between right and wrong, not even god can judge what is right and what is wrong.

Right and wrong are never absolute, they're simply vague phrases. The leverage between these 2 phrases is moral and ethics. And yet again, moral and ethics are denoted by man himself. A hero is a demon most of the times, because since the world is never fair, when he saves somebody, he will hurt somebody.

A man that kills an enemy leader is deemed a hero and is held in high esteem by his fellow countrymen, yet to the enemy citizens, he is a demon who killed their hero. Its like Rambo is a hero to the americans, but he is a demon to the vietnamese. And taking sides with morality, the americans were the aggressor during the vietnam war.

Imagine, u fight well, u fight to protect your loved ones. You are a hero to your loved ones, but to the families of those people that u sent to the hospital, you are a demon. They would love to see u get killed. The bottom line is, everyone have a mother, as far as possible, dun try to do something that will break their mothers' hearts.

Fight only when necessary, as far as possible, diplomacy and endurance is the best. And i do understand the existence of the egoistic few that thinks they are the best, but my word of advice as a man who went thru all that = The higher you place yourself, the greater the fall from grace. If you think veri highly of yourself, think again. Being confident is good, but not to the point of arrogance.

Okays, time to sleep, nxt entry i will put in the lyrics of a new song ( i tink its new lah, i didnt hear it before until yesterday. lolx). Ciaoz!

Jason's : I currently not interested in other gals. Sorry.

2008-04-30T00:04:00.002+08:00

SCB

The warmth of the morning sun. The smell of the falling dews. The thumb of a yearning heart. Mellowed.

Yesterday nite i had a veri veri strange dream, it involves SWAT teams, KFC 2 piece meal and her. I know, no link at all, but its a dream mah, and i rarely dream. Ah well, crazy me and crazy dreams. Its so strange im not supposed to write it down here. Makes for a good topic to tok rot and laugh at me though. lolx.

Todae i finally packed my room, and i cleared out the bench that was gathering lots of clothes. So now everything is in lined for me to pick up my gloves again. Hurhur, i do hope i will be successful this time, means alot to me you know?

For those ppl that studies engineering, you most prob will be familiar with the Fleming's Left-Hand Rule. Its a Rule that denotes the direction of electro-magnetism ( if i nvr remember wrongly). And then now i come up with the Jason's Left-Hand Rule. Hurhurs, wana know the theory behind this, ask me! :)

Im going to study later at around 2am, i need to get started, because i;ve slacked for 2 days alreadi and my OT exams is on saturday. No sense of urgency at all. Kaoz. Im too complacent man.

Been watching lots of yakuza stuffs these days, and its having a bad influence on me. hahaha. Tomolo is the start of Project One Pound, wish me luck! And before i forget, yesterday i came across this pdf file that explains how to win at roulette. Yes, u heard rite, winning at a casino roulette. I tried it, and indeed it works. Its all pure maths realli, no gimmicks and no cheating. But its just for entertainment, im not going to be a gambling addict.

Alrite, my frend is now into fierce gals like me. Hahahass, he watched PUZZLE, a japanese drama with a female main character that is fiesty and sassy. Fierce gals are hard to find these days, much less a pretty and fierce one. I know, people might say its mad and crazy, but im not realli that normal to begin with. :)

Jason's: Study Study Study. I wonder why is mugging called mugging? hmms.

2008-04-27T03:40:00.003+08:00

Siphoned

Good day todae. Lots of stuffs to be happy about. Investment paper is over, played mahjong todae (though i lost) and ya, im happy lah. :)

Simple things in life can make u happy, simple people in life can make u happy as well. I will work hard to lose weight during the holidays. I kw, i say this thousands of times, but its for a different purpose this time.

Okies, and now to tell you people a fact. I prefer chinese gals. Yes, authentic bilingual speaking chinese singaporeans. Not those cheena ones. I know there are lots of wonderful malay gals out there with the package, but im not realli interested. I love pork. Period.

Todae i finally went into exams mood le, i know it sounds silly, but todae i finally feel like im having exams. By a stroke of luck, todae's paper wasnt that difficult, at least can get a pass i presume.

I know my singing is not wonderful, and there is alot of room for improvement. Im never big-headed and think that im some kinda singing prodigy. Im juz a guy who likes to sing, and whose sole wish is to sing for my gal, not to get my minute worth of fame. Music is what i call the language of the soul. They say its the universal language, i say its the language of the human soul.

Toking about songs, im listening to some retro Jeff Chang's songs rite nw, and there's this song that i wanna share with u people, its called Nan Yi Kang Ju Ni Rong Yan, literally meaning " Hard to resist your face". I know it sounds stupid in english, but in chinese its quite meaningful. lolx. Anyways, here's the lyrics!

难以抗拒你容颜

你仿佛从没见过我只是让我梦成空
伤心不语退缩
幻想也许是你假装不看我
让我得不到更珍惜所有
我试着对你微微笑你总视而不见
何必何必何必
却又难以抗拒难以放弃
就算你对我说别再烦我

你难以靠近难以不再想念
我难以抗拒你容颜
把心画在写给你的信中
希望偶而能够见到你微笑的容颜
你难以靠近难以不再想念
我难以抗拒你容颜
把心画在写给你的信中
希望明天能够见到你会心的容颜

Alrite, shall end here tonite. Damn freaking tired after todae's paper and losing $19 bucks in mahjong. I almost ALWAYS lose when im playing mahjong in my house, i dun fucking kw why. F. I always lose when i wanna win, and i win when for that one time i wanna lose. Ironic isnt it.

Jason's : How strong is your faith, how firm is your love?

2008-04-24T03:18:00.002+08:00

The Northern Route

My cough has been ongoing for a few days alreadi, its damn irritating man, i cant even go running or swimming, keep coughing like a dog. Fuck. I hate the unhealthy feeling, when u kw its been a few days since u last exercised. ARgh, hopefully tml can get better, then i go gym. :)

I have some very diverse frends, like i said in some veri old entry. And some of them, makes u so amused and astonished. hahahass. Legendary frends. lolx.

Is ego so important? I guess so, because i know alot of egoistic people, especially guys. Their ego is so big that its frightening. They cannot lose at all, no matter how small the issue. Gosh. And they insist that they are always rite, and never wrong. It takes alot of courage to saw you are always rite, rite?

Anyways i had a ego and is damn haolian when i was younger, but i slowly toned down alreadi, if u knew me in the past, compared to me now, u will realised what i meant. I used to shout across the lanshop to greet their parents and ancestors when i was younger and gaming in lan shops. Kinda childish then, but i grew up, and realized its not rite to implicate people's ancestors. :P

Some people have a side that isnt always shown to others. A cute and adorable side. Im definitely in fully, heart and soul. Believe me when i say i will always be there for you when u need me.

Jason's : Swimming in financial numbers and figures...

2008-04-23T01:31:00.002+08:00

Desirable

What kind of guy am i. Besides being fat and all that lah. Im actually call myself a hybrid when it comes to mental culture, why? Because contrary to popular believe, im actually quite good at chinese and oriental culture, especially the history of Romance of Three kingdoms period. Living in a english educated country, i naturally developed a good sense for the language as well, and though im not veri proficient in ang moh, i at least can understand chim stuffs lah. :)

And they say cultural and artsy people are weak in sciences. Wrong. My sciences were quite good infact, and the during secondary school, i actually wanted to be a quantum physicist. Yes, u heard rite, a quantum physicist. Im more the intellectual type during my younger days, and sad to say, i gave up my passion for money. I would rather work in the economic sector and earn big bucks, then be a physicist that is onli famous when u die. My wife and parents and kids cant possibly live on uranium particles and space rocks rite? Right.

All the drastic changes in routes i took made me into somebody that have interests in almost all aspects of humanity. I can appreciate art and music (even abstract art and classical music), understand rocket science, stock markets, psychology etc. But there is one area i kinda lack development in. Sports. No wonder im fat. hahaass

The only sports i joined in secondary skool was rugby, and due to some reasons, i quit to preserve a frenship. Then i went to join chinese orchestra. Yes, i can play the flute(Di Zi) and appreciate traditional chinese music as well. Wanted to join band, but last min went to play soccer with the guys and didnt go. hahahs :p

Then in poly, i joined dragonboat, and its realli fucking shag, so shag that i failed all my exams and my lecturer told me to quit and go for personal tuition and counselling. Hahahass. But its unforgettable, that experience of nearly fainting after running, yet the stubborn me stood up all the way though im staggering around. From that experience, i understood how strong mentally i can be when the need is there. And in army, that strength went full bloom and i can take shit alot of people cannot take. How? Just do lor.

And that's why i dare to attempt the impossible. Hiong lor, scared wat? But then again, must hiong with brains, always consider the consequences. Bottomline is, its okay to take risks, but take calculated risks. ^_-

My vision of relationships have opened up wider this time. The wider u open ur heart and perspective, the stronger u become emotionally. When u feel that this gal is the one and she's not viewing u in a veri good light, take a good look around you. Understand that the world still rotate on its own axis no matter u get her anot. Yes i like her alot, and yes i tell the guys how good and wonderful she is, but deep within me, im mature enough to know that the chances aint high, and to put it in a more dark way, i've alreadi done the preparations for the worse. Ah well, just leave thing to fate ba, im sounding abit crazy by saying this, but ya, i believe in her alot. Her as in her, and fate as well.

I have no sense of urgency. I dun kw why leh. Exams coming, and yet todae i slacked. Was a hot day todae, sibei hot, hot until i keep sweating. Sticky sticky sweaty sweaty. eeeyer. Oh ya, a random issue to tell u people, i LOVE drinking chinese tea. And in case u are wondering, i am preparing to buy those chinese porcelain mini teapots and cups, and most prob gonna learn CHA DAO, the Way Of the Tea. hurhurs.

Before i go, did i tell you people how sweet my younger brother and his gf is? Hahass, i was secretly reading both their blogs and i can help but chuckle at their pure and simple love. It seems my little brother and his gf does dumb stuffs like skipping buses at busstops just to spend more time with each other etc. hahahass, how i wish that i can do that kind of simple yet silly things with a special somebody. sigh, there we go again, facing the fact that i dun have a gf all this time. Wanna go stupid things also hard. hahahass! Oh well, no rush, one day somebody will let me have the chance to show her my world. :)

Lots more to say, but time is not kind. I gonna go teh (hokkien for lie down) le, so cya nxt entry!

Jason's : You will get diabetes if you're my gal. hahahass! joking*

2008-04-20T03:31:00.002+08:00

I scared but i care

I scared. The phrase that xh used when he ran away during a game of dota. The phrase that also describes how i feel when i wanna text somebody. What am i afraid of? alot. Because i tend to be veri imaginative and will start to tink alot. True, im just a little boy deep inside after all.

Fate is what u make of it. Coincidence is fate if u like somebody, and they can simply stay as coincidences if u are neutral towards that person. Alot of things and events in life is just a matter of perspective. Theories are always easier to preach then practice.

Alot of events and people that u come across throughout your life time simply stays as memories. And there's alot of secrets and sides of people that u have never seen even though u might have known them for sometime. I know this entry sounds abit vague and no link, but its just some random thoughts. :)

Lets tok about an interesting theory and perspective of people. I like the idea that everybody has their own internal gospel that dictates their emotions. Page after page, that person's emotional undertakings and routine can be read. And as the music plays, the heart strings shifts. Bit by bit, inch by inch. And the name of that darling starts to fill the pages of the scripture.

The Jasonian Gospel is pure and undefiled. Nobody has ever written their name in the gospel, sadly or gladly. Yet a gospel cannot go unwritten, someday, a name have to appear in it. Someday.

And somebody dented my ego yesterday. But too bad, i dun have much ego left anyways. A man must be humble and know his place in life, think too high, and ur fall will be far. Im quite surprised im tinking this way, in the past, never will i tink in this way. Ah well, enough illogical crap, before i go, i have a question to ask you people.

Will u prefer a person that comes to you as perfect and impeccable, or will u want a person that is imperfect and flawed?

Jason's : Ya, its true.

2008-04-17T02:10:00.003+08:00

Zho Bo

Im blogging alot these days because i am damn bored. Obvious rite? Yeah, guess so too. Im bored to tears, games no longer make me happy these days man, i dun kw why, they seem to have lost the 'fun factor'. Gosh, am i getting old?

Went to skool to study alone todae, because my bench-study-mates didnt come to skool to study todae. The guys were at the library, but i dun like to study there, its too quiet and its kinda creepy. And so i studied alone at the level 3 bench todae. Sad and lonely. Hurhurs.

Funny thing is, though i have noone to tok to, i still feel the atmosphere is better then the library man. And i didnt people-watch as much, i did notice Siao CB though, he's patrolling the skool religiously every single fuck day, for whatever reasons i totally dun wanna understand. Crazy fellow, mad man.

And so tomolo i shall journey alone to skool to finish studying my investment. I at topic 5 with 5 more topics to go, and then i should be able to start doing the sample exam paper. With exactly 10 days left to the first paper (investment), i feel im still know nuts about this module. Wootz!

Disaster. The word to describe my financial condition now. I am broke as usual, and then the epic question comes again: why am i always broke? hahahass! Well, since im broke, i shall eat cheap ba. When u dun have the cash, u eat cheap stuffs, like the PM theory on Inferior Goods, u consume more Inferior Goods when you have not much money.

I aint beri picky when it comes to food, contrary to popular belief. Anything that can swallow and make me full is enough, and let me tell u people a secret that onli my family members know ba. I dun like to eat abalone. Yes, u heard rite, dun know why, i will feel like puking whenever i chew abalone.

August 24th. My birthday. Hasnt been a happy day for a few years alreadi, there's this void in me every year. Oh well, maybe its just meant to be that way. There's nothing u can do except to suck it up and continue living your life. Period.

Ah wei asked me to do something that i totally didnt expect at all. He told me that the Singapore Flyer is opened and is $35 per ride. He told me to bring her go take a ride. Wow. i nearli fell off my seat, because like i said, he is somebody that thinks these kinda of stuff is a waste of money. He's bringing his gf there too. Seriously WOW.

And i personally i tink, its realli a waste of money leh, $35 bucks for a round trip to see the scenery of singapore? No thanks. I rather spend the money in other ways. Its not that i am not a romantic person, but i am more a practical kinda romantic person, not those 'spend alot of money' kind of casanova. I prefer down-to-earth and practical methods. But it's realli a huge surprise that ah wei will spend this kinda money man, im starting to believe in miracles.

Toking about miracles, there are some issues happening this few months that i would deem as a miracle. Shall not tok about them because i tink people will simply laugh it off and think i am dumb or crazy or naive or watever. They say its all my imagination, but i beg to differ.

Jason's : Act, Think, Perceive.

2008-04-15T01:26:00.002+08:00

Caution to the Winds

Never take things for granted, that is why i always try to cherish what i have. Especially the time spent, no matter its fruitful anot, i still cherish each and every moment that someone or something is by my side.

The people that u take for granted most of the time is your family, your parents and your siblings, but could u bear to live your life without them? Its hard to even imagine life without them, and that makes me wanna cherish them when i still have the chance.

Im not an ultra filial son,neither a super good brother, but i do make the occasional effort to be nice to my mum and siblings. As for my dad its hard to be nice to him, because we dun tok much, but i kw he does care. :)

The complete family that i have now doesnt come easily, because a few years back my dad was not around most of the time due to some veri dumb reasons. And seeing your siblings grow up one by one is one of most memorable things in life. Im the eldest, so i kinda see them grow up.

In the past i used to like holding my siblings hands when they are young and had small hands. They're so cute then, and everytime after skool, i will fetch them back from skool. hahahass, thinking bout them simply puts a smile to my face. hahaass

And my mum and dad, i remember how they looked when i was 6 yrs old. My dad used to sport VERY long hair and used to be veri yandao back in his younger days. And my mum is super your typical hot babe, living in hong kong (which used to be the hottest city during the 70s) for a few yrs before coming back to singapore. She used to tell me about the hordes of suitors she had back then, from rich arabian princes to dashing young actors. She even knew alot of hong kong actors. And i tot she was lying until she showed me the pictures they took together when they went out. hahahass!

Reminising all these memories makes me happy, and yet a tinge of sourness surfaces, because of all those happy moments and recollections, they were part and parcel of the past. What matters is the future, and my future equates their future. Whether i make it in life anot is not just for me alone, i need to make it for them as well.

I am confident enough to say, that i will make it in life, simply because i believe in myself and my abilities. Not that i wanna sound egoistic, but i think wat makes a man is his belief in his own abilities, and what he can do with his abilities.

All that, yet i know that in the pursuit of money, we tend to neglect loved ones. Dillian sent me a email which i actually read ( i dun usually read those chain mails), and its about this story of a fisherman and a banker. Long story, u wanna hear the whole story can ask me, i will gladly tell u.

The moral of that story is that life is a cycle, the reason why u want more money is to get happiness, and when we blindly pursue that, we lost sight of the happiness that we have now. And when we come full circle, we realised that the happiness we seek is alreadi with us rite now.

I dun know why i suddenly tok about such serious issues in this entry, i just feel like narrating how i feel. I might look non-chalent and happy-go-lucky on the surface, but my morals are as strong as steel. I firmly believe a man's duty in this world is to protect and provide. Protect your loved ones, and provide for your loved ones.

Before i go, a very meaningful song that i chanced upon when i was kinda down and out 2 years ago. And this song told me one important logic that i still bear in mind till this day. If somebody loves you, she loves you for who u are, the man that is standing infront of her with nothing to hide. And the only thing that you is important to her is your sincerity, not looks, not physique and definitely not money.

Darius Rucker - This Is My World

The look on your face
It could never explain your heart
And the touch of my lips
It could never tell u my thoughts

And U want me to change
I can't get used to
All U want me to be
I just can't pretend
To be anyone else
Cuz it's not really me

This is my world
This is who I am
And I'm not gonna give up myself
I got my own life to live
And U can either accept me
Or baby

And if it's love
That we share
Then we can withstand all
The obstacles that life brings forth
And I will receive you
For who U are who u were
And baby who U will be

But U want me to change
Girl I can't get used to
All U want me to be
And I just can't pretend
To be anyone else, oh
Cuz it's not really me

This is my world
This is who I am
And I'm not trying to give up myself
To make your life better, now

This is how it is
I got my own life to live
And U can either accept me
Or baby

This is my world
This is who i am
And I'm not trying to give up myself
To make your life better

She said
This is how
I got my own life to live
And U can either accept me
Or baby let me go

U said I promise you the stars
And I'm
Giving you all I can now
U said love is not enough
And I know
U will see
If your life turns around
In my heart there is room for u

It's me and my world
This is who i am
And I'm not trying to give up myself
To make your life better

She said
This is how
I got my life
And U can either accept me
Or baby

This is my world
Who I am
And I'm not trying to give up myself
To make your life better, now

Oh, this is how
And I got my life
And U can either accept me
Or baby let me go

This is my world
My world
Baby let me go

Oh, this is who I am
Where I live
Got my own life to give

Oh, oh oh
My world
I'm not trying to change u
This is who I am
Please let me be me, yeah

The song is not referring to anybody in particular, the song just reminded me of the past experiences. Im worried about someone though. heh. :)

Jason's : You dun have to show everyone how good u are, its more meaningful when people find out how good u realli are.

2008-04-13T01:23:00.002+08:00

Run Fatboy Run!

Slacked for the whole day, woke up at 3pm then went to cut hair at 5pm. Watched a few 'inspirational' movies these 2 days, and its not that kinda movie, mind you. I watched Super Size Me and Run Fat boy Run, its scary what fastfood can do to your body man. Wow. Anyways both movie have a thing in common, the fats. hahasss :P

Watched The Girl Next Door as well, its not like your usual teen american flick, there's a message behind the movie. I know, exams are coming, and im supposed to study rather then watching shows all day long, but i kinda wanna take a break after passing up investment project. So pardon me for my slackiness. hahaass

Its sunday, and i tink im not gonna study again. hurhurs. And evening i shall need to force my ass down to the tar and do some roadwork, i lost 2, and i dun wanna regain the 2 back man. Yeah baby, i love roadwork. :)

I never knew that i will be doing this man, training hard, losing weight and toning up for one specific reason. Come monday i have scheduled myself to go to the gym and pump some iron, and tuesday is swimming 20 laps etc. Its like i dun usually plan so far ahead, i kinda do what i feel like doing on the day itself. And i know just why the need for the change. :)

Im doing lots of online shopping these days, buying stuffs that i like in ebay and therefore, my coffers are officially dry and out. hahahas, but i feel good seeing all the clothes and caps that i like. I like to change image alot, to try out new stuffs and see how it all holds up. hahahass. I've bought something special though, and its not for myself. heehee...

Okays, i tink im going to go sleep, i have a deep deep feeling my mum will wake me up at 6am later, haiz. Bye peeps, and try to tag abit after reading, my blog is feeling lonely!

Jason's : Whatever the outcome, spending time with u already is a blessing to me.

2008-04-08T02:02:00.002+08:00

期待爱

my life 一直在等待
空荡的口袋
想在里面放一份爱
why 总是被打败
真的好无奈
其实我实实在在
不管帅不帅

想要找回来
自己的节拍
所以这一次
我要勇敢大声说出来

期待期待你发现我的爱
无所不在我自然而然的关怀
你的存在心灵感应的方向
我一眼就看出来
是因为爱

我猜你早已发现我的爱
绕几个弯越靠近越明白
不要走开
幸福的开始就是放手去爱

*This following section is very mushy, do not read if u cannot stand mushy stuffs. hahass*

We tend to miss out on the best things though they are beside us all the while, we just didnt notice. And with each and everytime i see you, i ask myself why have i missed u all this time. Hahass, mushy rite? i tink so too, so mushy. hurhurs. Anyways, yeah, i know life is never a bed of roses, people gave me a percentage of less then 1% , but i hecked it all, because i rather go with my feelings and get pawned, then listen to people and miss out on the best thing in my life. *Gosh, damn mushy.*

Alritey, if tomolo can wrap up the fucking investment project, then finally can start studying for exams alreadi. Im trying to look for a job now, so after exams can str8 away work, i wanna earn money and buy abercrombie clothes! hahasss!

Another side of me wanna just swim and run and gym for the 2 months holiday. I wana pass my ippt leh, been saying i wanna train for it, but everyday do project until 11pm reach home, kaoz. But on and off, i've been swimming abit whenever i have a day off from the project, so im kinda maintaining the health abit.

My blog abit boring i know, no pictures. lolx. But i rarely take pictures, so i dun realli have much pictures to post here. hurhurs. I tink its time i went off le, next entry, i might be discussing about humans from different backgrounds living alternate lifestyles. Contrasting the lives of the rich and the spoiled VS the lives of the poor and the denied. hahaass :P

Jason's : I am rarely so mushy, so forgive me for this entry. :)

2008-04-02T01:02:00.003+08:00

W.H.Y

Not being emo, but well, kinda sian. I was wondering what was realli expected in a man. Hmms. I tink diff women have diff expectations, but the hard part is trying to know what they want.

How true is true? What can i do?

Im veri disappointed in people sometimes, the details i dun realli wanna jot down here for the record. Its about trust by the way, just so u know.

How do u tell somebody that treats u like a role model about something? I realli dun kw how to tell that person, so i dun wanna get too close to that person. Im trying to be not so frendly. Interest. haiz.

These days i've been watching youtube and youku alot, watching funny stuffs and most importantly, watching the Chao Ji Xing Guang Da Dao competition from taiwan. The singers in there are good, especially Jam Xiao Jing Teng. He's vocals is excellent and his singing technique is wow. I am rarely impressed by people, and he managed to make me do just that.

Yang Zhong Wei is good also, but i feel he's too feminine sometimes, he cries too much in the show, though sometimes its quite touching, but for a guy, he cries too much. He's actions are also abit girlish, gives me the notion that he's gay. lol.

Tml is PM test, and i kinda touched it abit onli, i didnt realli studied much for it. Im just lazy, so lazy sometimes. Haiz. Even my room is still in a mess man, fuck, i need to pick up the pieces. duh.

Okays, after investment project then im free for like 2 weeks, before the exams come, and i foresee myself mugging for the 2 weeks, and then after that during holidays will most probably be training and working. Alot to swallow for 2 mths, but wat the heck man, juz do it, dun need to think so much.

Jason's : A song for a lady, a poem for a beauty, a heart for the worthy. (Jason, 2008)